Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Riddles

Read our huge collection of riddles. These funny jokes are sure to make you LOL!

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Q. What has a face and two hands but no arms or legs?
A. A clock.

Q. What has to be broken before you can use it?
A. An egg.

Q. What starts with a P and ends with an E and has thousands of letters?
A. The Post Office!

Q. Paul is six feet tall. He is an assistant in a butcher shop. He wears size 9 shoes. What does he weigh?
A. Meat.

Q. What has ears but can't hear?
A. A corn field!

Q. Why did the snake get a detention?
A. Because he was HISSpering!

Q. How do you make Lady Gaga mad?
A. Poker face!

Q. Why did the skeleton go to the store?
A. To get some spare ribs.

Q. What is the capital of Greece?
A. G.

Q. Why can't you take a test in the zoo?
A. There are too many cheetahs!

Q. If you have three 7 foot long ropes, how many feet do you have?
A. You have two feet!

Q. What did the Ghost Busters have on their hands?
A. Ghost blisters.

Q. What has words but never speaks?
A. A book.

Q. What did the sun say to the sheep and the cloud?
A. "Whoa, are y'all related?"

Q. What type of queue do dolls like best?
A. A BBQ.

Q. What did the baker give his wife for their anniversary?
A. Flour.

Q. What's better than 24?
A. 25.

Q. One day I was in my car and crashed into a pole. I died sadly. But when I got up to heaven I could see grandma standing with Adam and Eve. The question is how did I know it was Adam and Eve?
A. Because they had no belly-buttons!

Q. Where do oak trees come from?
A. OAKlahoma.

Q. There was a little moron and a big moron sitting on the edge of a bridge. The big moron fell off but the little one didn't, how come?
A. He was a little more on!

Q. Hit me hard and I will crack but you'll never stop me from staring back. What am I?
A. A mirror!

Q. What comes twice in a week, never in a month and once in a year?
A. The letter E.

Q. Have you heard the joke about the bed?
A. It hasn't been made yet!

Q. What is a 3 letter word that gets bigger when you add 3 letters?
A. Big!

Q. What did the calendar say to the other calendar?
A. "You want to go on a date with me?"

Q. What is a snowman's favorite food?
A. Ice Krispy treats.

Q. What did the porcupine say to the cactus?
A. "Are you my mommy?"

Q. What do mice feel like when they come out of the shower?
A. Squeaky clean!

Q. Who invented King Arthur's round table?
A. Sir Cumference!

Q. What did the fish say to the octopus while the octopus was eating?
A. Lend me a tentacle or 8.

Q. What type of bed can fly?
A. A bed bug.

Q. What's a frog's favorite year?
A. Leap year!

Q. Why did the toilet paper want to roll down the hill?
A. To get to the bottom.

Q. Think of the person who lives in disguise, who deals in secrets and tells nothing but lies.
Next tell me what's always last to mend the middle of middle and end of the end.
And finally give me the sound often heard during the search for a hard to find word.
Now string them all together and answer me this:
What creature would you be unwilling to kiss?
A. A spider.

Q. What happens if Peter Pan punches you?
A. You Neverland!

Q. What do race car driver's eat?
A. Fast food!

Q. Why did Batman cross his legs?
A. He had to go to the BATroom!

Q. Mary was shot in the head. She managed to avoid being hospitalized and she's as healthy as can be. How can this be?
A. She had a modeling audition. So, they took her head shots.

Q. What does a cloud wear under it's raincoat?
A. Thunderwear!

Q. How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?
A. It gave her a ring!

Q. Where will you find the biggest rope in the world?
A. In EuROPE!

Q. What do clothes and airplanes have in common?
A. Hangers!

Q. What did the zero say to the eight?
A. "Oh, I like your belt!"

Q. What did the lucky lollipop say to the unlucky lollipop?
A. "Bye-bye, sucker!"

Q. Why did the firefighter put his belt on?
A. To hold his pants up!

Q. How do you make a swordfish like the library?
A. Take away the S in its name!

Q. What loses its head every day and gets it back every night?
A. A pillow.

Q. What runs but never walks?
A. Water.

Q. Why don't farmers sew?
A. Because their needle is in a haystack.

Q. What stands in the middle of an ocean?
A. The letter E!

Q. Which is the best month for a parade?
A. March.

Q. What did the ghost say when it sneezed?
A. "Ahh BOO!"

Q. What letter of the alphabet is an insect?
A. B.

Q. What letter is a part of the head?
A. I.

Q. What letter is a drink?
A. T.

Q. What letter is a vegetable?
A. P.

Q. What letter is an exclamation?
A. O!

Q. What letter is a European bird?
A. J.

Q. What letter is looking for causes?
A. Y.

Q. What four letters frighten a thief?
A. O I C U!

Q. Why is the letter T like an island?
A. Because it is in the middle of waTer.

Q. In what way can the letter A help a deaf lady?
A. It can make her hear.

Q. Which is the loudest vowel?
A. The letter I. It is always in the midst of noise

Q. What way are the letter A and noon alike?
A. Both of them are in the middle of the day.

Q. Why is U the happiest letter?
A. Because it is in the middle of fun

Q. What word of only three syllables contains 26 letters?
A. Alphabet.

Q. What relatives are dependent on U?
A. Aunt, uncle, cousin. They all need U.

Q. What is the end of everything?
A. The letter G.

Q. What language does a billboard speak?
A. Sign language.

Q. What do you call a pig dressed as Frankenstein?
A. FrankenSWINE.

Q. Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A. Yes, because the Empire State Building can't jump!

Q. What game do tornados play?
A. Twister.

Q. What did Shakespeare say to the pencil?
A. "Write on!"

Q. What can fill up the the room but takes no space?
A. Light.

Q. What has four legs, stands and is helpful to people?
A. A table!

Riddles continue below video…

Q. What do you call a blind dinosaur?
A. Doyouthinkhesarus?

Q. What do you get when you cross a skeleton with a genie?
A. A wish bone!

Q. Why doesn't a bald man need any keys?
A. Because he doesn't have any locks!

Q. Why did the girl jump up and down before taking her medicine?
A. Because the label said: Shake well before using!

Q. I have two coins in my pocket and they equal 15 cents. One of them is not a nickel. What are the coins in my pocket?
A. A nickel and a dime, I said only one of them is not a nickel.

Q. Why did the cow pack his bags?
A. Because he was MOOving!

Q. What gate can't you enter?
A. Colgate!

Q. What is Barbie's favorite state?
A. KENtucky!

Q. What did the volcanoes name their daughter?
A. MAGMAlena.

Q. Why was the woman so happy she finished the jigsaw puzzle in six months?
A. The box said 2-4 years!

Q. Which restaurants are good at math?
A. Take-aways!

Q. What has 6 eyes but cannot see?
A. Three blind mice.

Q. Why did the nose cross the street?
A. He was getting picked on!

Q. Did you hear about the kidnapping?
A. He finally woke up!

Q. What does a phone eat?
A. Minutes.

Q. Why is it against the law for a man living in Victoria to be buried in New South Wales?
A. Because he's still alive!

Q. What is as light as a feather but not even the strongest man in the world can hold it for more than a few minutes?
A. Air!

Q. How do you get Pikachu on the bus?
A. You Pokemon!

Q. What has a forest with no trees, lakes without water, roads with no cars and deserts with no sand?
A. A map!

Q. Why was the pencil crying?
A. Because he was POINTLESS!

Q. Why did the doofus climb the glass wall?
A. So he could see what was on the other side.

Q. What is a balloon's least favorite kind of music?
A. Pop!

Q. What can you break without touching it?
A. Someone's heart.

Q. When does 10 + 3 = 1?
A. On the clock.

Q. Why did the cow want some cheese?
A. Because it's MOOlicious!

Q. Why did the boy study on an airplane?
A. He wanted to get a higher education.

Q. What did the plate say to the other plate?
A. "Food's on me tonight!"

Q. I am tall when I am young and short when I am old. What am I?
A. A candle.

Q. What has two heads and runs faster the longer it stands?
A. An hourglass.

Q. Why he did the book want to work with the police?
A. Because he wanted to work under cover.

Q. Which state has the smallest soft drinks?
A. Mini-Soda!

Q. Where do you send a soldier with a toothache?
A. To the drill sergeant!

Q. What is the laziest mountain in the world?
A. Mount Ever-rest!

Q. Did you hear about the skeleton and his girlfriend?
A. They broke up and he was shattered!

Q. What do you do when you see a spaceman?
A. Park in it!

Q. What do you need if you see a kangaroo 20 miles away?
A. I don't know, but you sure don't need glasses.

Q. What did the ground say to the earthquake?
A. "You crack me up!"

Q. What do cows like to put on their sandwiches?
A. MOOstard!

Q. Rail road tracks, look out for cars! How do you spell that without any Rs?
A. T-H-A-T!

Q. What kind of bus crossed the ocean?
A. Christopher ColumBUS!

Q. What seven letters did the robber say when he saw nothing in the safe?
A. "O I C U R M T!"

Q. What did the judge say when the skunk got off the stage?
A. "You stink!"

Q. What is the easiest way to be on TV?
A. Sit on it!

Q. What is the difference between a worn out runner and a worn out vet?
A. One's dog tired and the other is tired of dogs.

Q. How was the snow globe feeling?
A. A little shaken!

Q. What's tasty but dangerous?
A. A mouse trap.

Q. What do you call a grandfather clock?
A. An old timer!

Q. Why should you never play hide and seek with mountains?
A. Mountains always peek (peak).

Q. Why did the mattress go the doctor?
A. It had spring fever.

Q. Why didn't Noah do much fishing on the ark?
A. He only had two worms!

Q. How did the man build up his flea collar business?
A. He started from scratch.

Q. Why did the rancher name his ranch "Peanut Butter"?
A. It was a great spread.

Q. What do you use to fix a torn daisy?
A. A flower patch.

Q. What do you call a square that's been in an accident?
A. A WRECKtangle.

Q. What did one cliff say to the other cliff?
A. "Don't try to bluff me."

Q. What do miners put on their face at night?
A. Coal cream.

Q. Why did the rope go to the doctor?
A. It had a knot in its stomach.

Q. Why was the rope late for dinner?
A. It got tied up at the office.

Q. What card game do artists like to play?
A. Draw poker.

Q. Why did the boat go on a diet?
A. It wanted to be ship-shape.

Q. Why did the oak tree have to eat his ice cream in a dish?
A. The pine tree wouldn't give him a cone!

Q. What do you call a person who operates an armored car?
A. A safe driver.

Q. What did Sergeant Peanut Butter shout to his jelly police officers?
A. "Spread out, men!"

Q. What did the creek say to the brook?
A. "Stop babbling!"

Q. What did the broken clock say?
A. "Will someone give me hand?"

Q. What smells like red paint but is blue?
A. Blue paint.

Q. Why did the leprechaun cross the road?
A. To get to the pot of gold.

Q. What do you get if you cross poison ivy with a
four leaf clover?
A. A rash of good luck!

Q. How do you know when an Irish person is happy?
A. When they are Dublin over with laughter!

Q. Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A. Because they are always a little short!

Q. What did the cat need when it was having trouble seeing?
A. A PURRscription!

Q. What do prisoners use to call each other?
A. CELL phones.

Q. Why did the square and triangle go to the gym?
A. To stay in shape!

Q. What do T-shirts love to play?
A. Tag.

Q. Why did the boy take a packet of oats with him to bed?
A. To feed his nightMARE!

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