Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Riddles

Read our huge collection of riddles. These funny jokes are sure to make you LOL!

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Q. Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant?
A. Because he had a big bill.

Q. Why is 2+2=5 like your left foot?
A. It's not right.

Q. What kind of chickens lay golden eggs?
A. Golden Chicks!

Q. What did the calculator say to the other calculator?
A. "You can count on me!"

Q. Why is there no air in space?
A. Because the Milky Way would go bad.

Q. Why didn't the class clown use hair oil the day before the big test?
A. Because he didn't want anything to slip his mind.

Q. Did you hear the joke about the egg that rolled in front of a truck?
A. Most people find they crack up!

Q. Why do teachers give you homework?
A. Just to annoy you.

Q. Why did the skeleton flunk out?
A. His heart was not in it!

Q. How did the teacher knit a suit of armor?
A. She used steel wool!

Q. What did the bully have for lunch?
A. He had a knuckle sandwich!

Q. Which wolf got lost in the woods?
A. The WHEREwolf.

Q. What's the difference between a train and a teacher?
A. The teacher says, "Spit your gum out" and the train says, "Choo-choo!"

Q. What did the traffic light say to the car?
A. "Don't look. I'm changing!"

Q. Why did Goofy take a ladder to school?
A. Because he wanted to get to high school.

Q. Why is arithmetic hard work?
A. All those numerals you have to carry.

Q. What colour is a burp?
A. BURPle!

Q. What's a monster's favourite game?
A. Swallow the Leader!

Q. What did the student say after the teacher said, "Order students, order?"
A. "Can I have fries and a burger?"

Q. Why was the little bird punished?
A. It was caught peeping in school.

Q. What do you get when you cross a hammock and a dog?
A. A rocker spaniel.

Q. Where does the word done come before start?
A. In the dictionary!

Q. Why did the nose feel sad?
A. Because he always got picked on!

Q. Why is the ocean always grumpy?
A. You'd be grumpy too if you had crabs on your bottom!

Q. Where did the pencil go for vacation?
A. To Pennsylvania.

Q. Why did the new boy steal a chair from the classroom?
A. Because the teacher told him to take a seat.

Q. When is a blue school book not a blue school book?
A. When it is read!

Q. What goes up a chimney down, but doesn't go down a chimney up?
A. An umbrella.

Q. Why did the student drown?
A. All her grades were below C-level!

Q. Take me out of the box, scratch my head, I am now black but once was red. What am I?
A. A match!

Q. What tools do you need for math?
A. MultiPLIERS.

Q. What's the best place to grow flowers in school?
A. In kindergarden.

Q. Why did the banana factory shut down?
A. Because they chucked out all the bent ones!

Q. What devours everything and everything devours it?
A. Time.

Q. What happened when the teacher tied all the kids shoe laces together?
A. They had a class trip!

Q. What's the worst thing that can happen to a geography teacher?
A. Getting lost.

Q. What do you get when you cross a pig with a dinosaur?
A. Jurassic Pork.

Q. Why did the clock go to the principal's office?
A. For tocking too much!

Q. What do you get when you mix a German Shepard and a giraffe?
A. A watch dog for the fifteenth floor!

Q. What did the cross eyed teacher say to the principal?
A. "I can't control my pupils!"

Q. What do you call an overweight E.T.?
A. Extra Cholesterol!

Q. I'm at the beginning of eternity and the end of time and space. I'm at the beginning of every end and the end of every place. What am I?
A. The letter E!

Q. What did the student say to the math worksheet?
A. I'm not a therapist, solve your own problems!

Q. How do you keep someone in suspense?
A. I'll tell you tomorrow.

Q. What has lots of teeth but can't chew a thing?
A. A comb!

Q. Why did the goose cross the road?
A. He didn't want to be called a chicken!

Q. How does Lady Gaga like her meat?
A. Raw raw raw!

Q. What song do vampires hate?
A. Here Comes The Sun!

Q. What did the toilet say when he was playing cards?
A. "Flush!"

Q. What is red and has fangs?
A. An apple. I lied about the fangs!

Q. There is a horse tied to a rope five yards long. Ten yards away there is hay. The horse is eating the hay, how did he get there?
A. The rope isn't tied to anything.

Q. What do bananas do when they get a sunburn?
A. They peel.

Q. Why couldn't the shipmates play cards?
A. The captain was sitting on the deck!

Q. How do you make an octopus laugh?
A. Ten Tickles (Tentacles)!

Q. What's the biggest type of moth?
A. A mammoth.

Q. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A. A dino-snore!

Q. What do you give a sick lemon?
A. Lemon-AID!

Q. What's it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
A. A meltdown!

Q. Why did Patrick eat money?
A. His mum said it was his lunch money.

Q. As I get older, I become shorter. What am I?
A. A pencil!

Q. What is the smartest city in America?
A. Alabama because it has four A's and one B!

Q. What is a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A. A stick!

Q. What's black when you get it, red when you use it and white when you're finished?
A. Charcoal.

Q. I am found on land and in the sea but I don't walk or swim. I travel by foot but I'm toeless. No matter where I go I'm never far from home. Who am I?
A. A snail.

Q. What does not ask questions but must be answered?
A. A doorbell.

Q. What is the hardest thing to hold that even the strongest person in the world has difficulty with?
A. Your breath.

Q. Why was the broom late for school?
A. He over swept.

Q. Which country is the slipperiest?
A. Greece!

Q. What time do you go to the dentist?
A. Tooth hurty!

Q. What rolls and jumps but never walks?
A. A soccer ball!

Q. What did one burp say to the next?
A. Let's be stinkers and sneak out the back!

Q. Where do trees store their valuables?
A. In their trunk!

Q. What bird can write?
A. PENguin!

Q. How do eggs get to the shop?
A. In a CARton!

Q. What kind of bagel can fly?
A. A plain bagel.

Riddles continue below video…

Q. Why did the centipede go barefoot?
A. Because he couldn't afford so many shoes!

Q. What does an orange do when it takes a test?
A. It concentrates!

Q. How did Burger King propose to his girlfriend?
A. With an onion ring.

Q. Where does a 600 pound gorilla sit?
A. Anywhere he wants!

Q. What runs but has no legs?
A. A nose!

Q. What word, if spelled right is wrong and spelled wrong is right?
A. Wrong!

Q. What do dogs and trees have in common?
A. Bark.

Q. If you see more of it, you see less of everything else. What is it?
A. Darkness.

Q. What did the duck say to the clerk?
A. "Put it on my bill."

Q. Where won't you find a dog shopping?
A. At the flea market!

Q. Why couldn't the elephant move?
A. Because he couldn't lift his trunk!

Q. What do you call a jacket that is on fire?
A. A blazer!

Q. What goes up when the rain comes down?
A. An umbrella!

Q. What did the tornado ask the car?
A. "Wanna go for a spin?"

Q. What sort of animal is a slug?
A. A snail with housing problems!

Q. Why does the man think the darkness is heavy?
A. Because it isn't light.

Q. Where do you learn to make ice cream?
A. At Sundae School!

Q. What do you call a cow who learns how to belly dance?
A. A milkshake!

Q. Why does a seagull fly over the sea?
A. If he flew over a bay he'd be called a bagel!

Q. Why didn't the moon finish his meal?
A. It was full.

Q. Why couldn't the girl finish her music homework?
A. Because she forgot her notebook!

Q. What can you find in the middle of a tornado?
A. The letter N.

Q. What is a snake's favourite subject?
A. HISStory!

Q. What did the vampire bring to the baseball field?
A. His bats!

Q. Can February March?
A. No, but April May.

Q. What did the little light bulb say to its mum?
A. "I wuv you watts and watts!"

Q. What flower gives the most kisses on Valentines Day?
A. Tulips.

Q. What's bigger when it's upside down?
A. A 6!

Q. What happens if you call 611 for the police?
A. The police car comes to you upside down!

Q. Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
A. The butcher was on the other side.

Q. Where are the most cows born?
A. COWlifornia.

Q. What do you call a door that is cute?
A. ADOORable!

Q. What does a pickle say when he wants to play cards?
A. "Dill me in!"

Q. What is yellow on the outside and gray on the inside?
A. A school bus full of elephants!

Q. What did the bread say to the knife?
A. "Don't try to butter me up."

Q. Why did the baker stop making doughnuts?
A. He was annoyed with the HOLE business.

Q. How many letters are in the alphabet?
A. 11, T-H-E A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

Q. Why can't a leopard hide?
A. Because he's always spotted!

Q. What did the doctor say to the rocket ship?
A. "Time to get your booster shot!"

Q. Where do sheep get their hair cut?
A. At the bah bah shop.

Q. Why did the cat sit on the computer?
A. To keep an eye on the mouse.

Q. Which animal is the oldest in the world?
A. The zebra because it's still black and white.

Q. How can you tell which end is the head of a worm?
A. Tickle the middle and see where it laughs!

Q. Why did the bee get married?
A. Because she found her honey.

Q. What did the bee say to the naughty bee?
A. "Bee-hive yourself!"

Q. How do you make varnish disappear?
A. Take away the R!

Q. What do ghosts wear on their feet?
A. BOOts.

Q. What goes around and around but never gets dizzy?
A. Earth.

Q. What has a ring but no finger?
A. A telephone!

Q. What do you get when you put a radio in a fridge?
A. Cool music!

Q. Mary and John were sitting in the family room one night. John was watching TV and Mary was reading a book. All of a sudden the power went out, so John decided to go to bed, but Mary kept on reading without any artificial light. How is this possible?
A. Mary was blind and was reading braile!

Q. Why did the TV go out with the heater?
A. Because he thought she was hot!

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher with a tiger?
A. I don't know but you better behave in its class!

Q. Why is the letter B so cool?
A. Because it is in between A C!

Q. Why isn't your nose 12 inches long?
A. Because it would be a foot.

Q. What did the frog order at the burger place?
A. French flies and a diet croak.

Q. What is white, black and red all over?
A. An embarrassed penguin.

Q. Which bet can't be won?
A. Alphabet.

Q. What is a gas station's favorite type of shoes?
A. Pumps.

Q. What does an injured lemon need?
A. Lemon Aid!

Q. What did the paint give the wall on their first anniversary?
A. A new coat.

Q. What street does a vampire live on?
A. A dead end!

Q. Why did the kid run to school?
A. Because he was chased by the spelling bee.

Q. Why was Dracula put in jail?
A. He tried to rob a blood bank.

Q. Why did the boy lock himself in the fridge?
A. To make himself look cooler.

Q. What is the cat's favorite button on the remote?
A. Paws.

Q. What happens when an Egyptian prince's daddy dies?
A. His daddy becomes a mummy.

Q. What's an insect's favorite sport?
A. Cricket.

Q. What kind of doctor never works but is very popular around the world?
A. Dr. Pepper (the soda).

Q. There was no moon and a black car with no headlights was driving on a black road. On the black road there was a black dog. The car avoided the dog. How is this possible?
A. It was daytime.

Q. Which building has the most stories?
A. Library!

Q. What is black and white and when you kick it it flies?
A. A soccer ball!

Q. What do you say to Simba when he's moving too slow?
A. Mufasa!

Q. What day has day in it but isn't Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, or Saturday?
A. Today!

Q. What has a never ending life cycle?
A. Laundry.

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