Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Riddles

Read our huge collection of riddles. These funny jokes are sure to make you LOL!

Go to page: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8

Q. Where did the hamburgers go?
A. To the Meat Ball!

Q. What should you do when you see a green alien?
A. Wait until it's ripe!

Q. Why did the willow weep?
A. Because it saw the water fall (waterfall).

Q. What movie tells the tale of a pizza maker bitten by an arachnid?
A. Spi-dough Man.

Q. What do you call a super hero who has lost his powers?
A. A super-zero.

Q. Where do New York City kids learn their multiplication tables?
A. Times Square.

Q. What do you call a person with a tree for a briefcase?
A. A branch manager.

Q. What did the plow say to the tractor?
A. "Pull me a little closer, John Deere."

Q. Why did the newspaper blush?
A. Because he saw the comic strip.

Q. What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall?
A. Art.

Q. How do you get rid of a boomerang?
A. Throw it down a one way street!

Q. What was the name of Noah's wife?
A. Yesa!

Q. What question can a person ask all day long, getting a different answer each time, yet all the answers are correct?
A. What time is it?

Q. What state can you drink?
A. Mississippi!

Q. Q. Rail road crossing, watch out for the cars, can you spell that with out any Rs?
A. T-H-A-T.

Q. What is a flower between your nose and your chin?
A. Two lips. (Tulips)

Q. Why was the doctor angry?
A. He lost his patients.

Q. What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?
A. I don't know and I don't care.

Q. Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her roller blades on?
A. Because she wanted to rock and roll.

Q. How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?
A. You open the door and put the elephant in and then close the door.

Q. How do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator?
A. You open the door and take out the elephant and put the giraffe in, then close the door.

Q. The animals were having a meeting in the jungle. Who didn't come?
A. The giraffe, it was in the refrigerator.

Q. A man was hiking in the jungle. He came to a river. In the river lived alligators. How did the man cross the river?
A. He swam across, the alligators were at the meeting.

Q. What is Santa's favorite snack?
A. Ho, hos!

Q. What is an astronaut's favorite key on the keyboard?
A. The space bar!

Q. What did the spider do when he went on his computer?
A. He went on his web site!

Q. What is a popular search engine for ghosts?
A. GHOULgle!

Q. What has holes and can still hold water?
A. A sponge!

Q. Why did the farmer let his cows eat the tall grass?
A. Because it needed to get moooed! (Mowed)

Q. Why don't they play cards in Africa?
A. There are too many Cheetahs!

Q. I am the beginning of end and the end of time and space. I am essential to creation and I surround every place. What am I?
A. The letter E!

Q. Imagine you are in a room with no windows or doors. How will you get out?
A. Stop imagining!

Q. If you know me you will want to share me, but if you share me I will be gone. What am I?
A. A secret.

Q. What are the strongest animals in the ocean?
A. Mussels!

Q. What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A. A milkshake!

Q. What do ghosts like for dessert?
A. BOOberry pie!

Q. What is white when dirty and black when clean?
A. A blackboard.

Q. Why does Waldo wear stripes?
A. Because he doesn't want to be spotted!

Q. What did one coffin say to the other coffin?
A. "Is that you coughin'?"

Q. Which one is faster, hot or cold?
A. Hot. You can catch cold!

Q. Why didn't the Dallas Cowboys want to beat the Denver Broncos in a game?
A. Because they needed a ride home!

Q. You take away whole and some still remains. What is it?
A. Wholesome.

Q. What gets smaller as it gets higher?
A. An airplane!

Q. What did the hat say to the scarf?
A. "You can hang around. I'll just go on a head!"

Q. What does a cow grow on its face?
A. A MOOstache.

Q. How does a tree get on the computer?
A. It logs on!

Q. Why was the calculator sad?
A. Because it had too many problems to solve!

Q. Where is the zombie's favorite room in the house?
A. The living room.

Q. What did the ghost say to his wife?
A. "You look so BOOtiful."

Q. I have 7 children half of them are boys, what is the other half?
A. They were all boys.

Q. What did the dragon say after laying 50 eggs?
A. "I'm EGGShausted!"

Q. What is brown, has a tail and a head, but no legs?
A. A penny!

Q. There are 3 men on a boat. The boat tips over and only 2 men get their hair wet. How is that possible?
A. One is bald.

Q. Why was 10 afraid of 9?
A. Because 9 8 7!

Q. What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean?
A. Nothing, they just waved!

Q. Why did the elephant cross the road?
A. Because it was the chicken's day off.

Q. What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
A. Reality.

Q. Do you know who I think is the most beautiful person in the world?
A. Look at the 5th word.

Q. What did the 0 say to the 8?
A. "Nice belt."

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Q. What was Mr. Cow and Mrs. Cow's favorite time together?
A. When they went on their honeyMOOn.

Q. What happened to the frog's car when it got stuck?
A. It had to get TOAD away.

Q. Why was the ghost on the cheerleading squad?
A. It wanted to add a little team spirit.

Q. What did the magazine say to the pencil?
A. "You are looking very sharp today."

Q. The more you take of these, the more you leave behind. What are they?
A. Footsteps!

Q. What kind of witch lives at the beach?
A. A sandwich.

Q. Why did the girl bring a ruler to bed with her?
A. She wanted to see how long she slept.

Q. What's new at the zoo?
A. A gnu!

Q. What did the jelly say to the peanut butter?
A. "We make a good match!"

Q. Why did the dinosaur wear a bandage?
A. Because he had a dino-SORE!

Q. Why couldn't the bike stand up on it's own?
A. Because it was two-tired!

Q. Ike went through the town casuing havoc and he was on the news and in the newspaper. What is Ike?
A. A hurricane!

Q. How many seconds are in a year?
A. 12: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc.

Q. What do people have in common with a math book?
A. We've all got a lot of problems!

Q. How do you eat an elephant?
A. One bite at a time.

Q. Why don't skeletons fight?
A. Because they don't have the guts!

Q. A man pushes a car to a hotel and realizes he's bankrupt. Why?
A. He's playing Monopoly!

Q. What did Delaware?
A. A New Jersey!

Riddles continue below video…

Q. What kind of mail does a superstar vampire get?
A. Fang mail.

Q. Which day is mostly avoided by fish?
A. FRYday!

Q. What is black, white and red?
A. A panda with a rash!

Q. Why did the turkey cross the road?
A. Because it was the chicken's day off!

Q. 30 people are in a room, no way in, no way out. Don't ask me how they got in. Someone counted and they got 34-heads. How is that possible?
A. 30 foreheads!

Q. What do you call a smart pig?
A. CunningHAM!

Q. What do you call a bear who forgot his socks?
A. BEARfooted.

Q. Can you name two things that have an eye buy can't see?
A. A needle and a hurricane!

Q. What is an army man's favorite month?
A. March!

Q. What can't you eat at dinner?
A. Breakfast and lunch!

Q. How do you know if a vampire has a sore throat?
A. You can hear him coughin'.

Q. What do you call a reptile that sings?
A. A RAPtile!

Q. What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A. A pouch potato.

Q. Does a match box?
A. No, but a tin can!

Q. Sam, Lula, Mike, and Kayla all live in a house. Mike and Kayla went out to the movies and when they got back Lula was on the floor dead in a pile of broken glass and water. Sam was on the couch sleeping and didn't know what happened. How did Lula die?
A. Sam is a dog and Lula is a fish. Sam pushed over the fish bowl.

Q. Why was the computer late to work?
A. He had a hard-drive.

Q. What did the happy slice of cheese say to the sad slice of cheese?
A. "Aw, it will be okay! Everything is GOUDA!"

Q. What do you call an elephant at the North Pole?
A. Lost.

Q. What do you call someone with 4 eyes, 3 noses, 6 arms, 4 legs and 8 ears?
A. Ugly.

Q. Why did Mickey Mouse go to space?
A. To find Pluto.

Q. What has a lot of keys but can't open doors?
A. A piano.

Q. What is in and out, big and small, short and tall, up and down, and all around?
A. Life and time.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To show the possums how it's done.

Q. Why did Peter Pan always fly and never stop?
A. Because he could never never land.

Q. Why was the horse unable to get into the antelopes' music club?
A. He had no horns!

Q. How did Jack Frost get to work?
A. By icicle!

Q. What kind of bird uses ink to write?
A. A PEN-guin!

Q. What is the only question you can never answer honestly with a yes?
A. "Are you asleep?"

Q. What can you catch but not in your hands?
A. A cold!

Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A. Snowflakes!

Q. If chickens get up when the rooster crows, when do ducks get up?
A. At the quack of dawn!

Q. One cow is talking to another cow and looks away for 10 seconds and the other cow is gone. Where is the other cow?
A. Over the moon!

Q. If there was a spelling test, which animal would win?
A. The bee!

Q. What do you get if you cross a porcupine and a giraffe?
A. A seven metre long toothbrush!

Q. What is the best way to catch a squirrel?
A. Act like a nut.

Q. What do you call a dead person in the closet?
A. The 1966 hide-and-go-seek champion.

Q. Three ladies are under a small umbrella. None of them got wet. How did they do it?
A. It wasn't raining!

Q. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A. An investiGATOR!

Q. How do you cure a headache?
A. Put your head through the window and the pane will go!

Q. If you say it you break it. What is it?
A. Silence.

Q. What is a crate's favorite sport?
A. Boxing!

Q. Why is the White House spotless?
A. Because it lives in WASHington!

Q. Why was the clock in the cafeteria always slow?
A. Because every lunch it went back four seconds!

Q. Where do birds go to school?
A. High school.

Q. Why did the phone cross the road?
A. To find his friends the numbers!

Q. What kind of explosions do dinosaurs like?
A. DINOmite!

Q. What is the British Secret Service's best yellow-haired spy?
A. James Blonde!

Q. Why did the young cat get arrested ?
A. For his litter!

Q. Tall in the morning, short at noon, gone at night but I'll be back soon. What am I?
A. A shadow!

Q. Why are rivers so rich?
A. Because they have 2 banks.

Q. What do you do when your fish is off?
A. You tune it up!

Q. What's black and white and can climb trees?
A. A panda.

Q. What is a TV's favorite thing to do at the the beach?
A. Channel surf.

Q. What did the glue say to the teacher?
A. "I'm stuck on you."

Q. What do get when you cross one principal with another principal?
A. I wouldn't do it, principals don't like to be crossed!

Q. Why were the police suspicious of the window drapes?
A. They were shady.

Q. Why was the music teacher not able to open his class room?
A. Because his keys were on the piano.

Q. What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
A. Pick them up and roll them back to her!

Q. Why are school cafeteria workers cruel?
A. Because they batter fish, beat eggs, and whip cream.

Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.

Q. What does the baby popcorn call his dad?
A. Pop!

Q. Why did the students study in the aeroplane?
A. Because they wanted higher grades.

Q. Why did the baker go to jail?
A. Because he got caught beating the eggs.

Q. Why did the student bring scissors to class?
A. He wanted to cut class!

Q. There are 5 fish and 2 drown. How many are left?
A. Fish don't drown.

Q. Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?
A. Because when you add four and four you get ate (eight).

Q. How do you make a goldfish age?
A. Take away the g in goldfish.

Q. Why did the jellybean go to school?
A. To become a smartie!

Q. How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
A. Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?!

Q. What do you do when your fish sings flat?
A. Tuna fish!

Q. What is a math teacher's favourite dessert?
A. Pi!

Q. What object is king of the classroom?
A. The ruler!

Q. What do you call a boy with a dictionary in his pocket?
A. Smartie Pants!

Q. Why did the teacher draw on the window?
A. Because he wanted his lesson to be very clear!

Q. Why did Daniel go to the top of the school?
A. Because he wanted to go to high school.

Go to page: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8

 We also have jokes about…
Copyright © 1998- Barb Willner. All rights reserved.