Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Riddles

Read our huge collection of riddles. These funny jokes are sure to make you LOL!

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Q. What did the sea say to the shore?
A. Nothing, it just waved.

Q. Where does a bunny go if you give it a pair of socks?
A. A sock hop.

Q. Why did the orange lose the race?
A. Because it ran out of juice.

Q. What gets wetter as it dries?
A. A towel!

Q. A women shot her husband, put him under water for 5 minutes, and then hung him. Later, they went out to dinner. How did he survive, and then go out to dinner?
A. She was a photographer!

Q. Where do pencils come from?
A. Pennsylvania.

Q. Which month has 28 days?
A. All of them, of course!

Q. Why does Snoop Dog carry an umbrella?
A. Fo'drizzle!

Q. What do you get if you cross a cow with a smurf?
A. Blue cheese!

Q. What does an eagle use to write with?
A. A bald point pen!

Q. What grows if you feed it but dies if it drinks?
A. Fire.

Q. What is served on a table with gatherings of two or four, and is white and round?
A. A ping pong ball.

Q. Where did the baby ghost sit?
A. In a BOOster seat!

Q. What do you call a dark colored horse that really scares you?
A. A nightMARE!

Q. Why are cooks cruel?
A. Because they whip cream and beat eggs!!

Q. Why did the strawberry cross the road?
A. Because his mom was in a jam!

Q. Who does Frankenstein invite to his party?
A. Anyone he can gobble up!

Q. What is yours but your friends use more than you?
A. Your name!

Q. Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A. Because they are always a little short!

Q. Why didn't the mummy answer the phone?
A. He was all tied up!

Q. What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
A. Time to get a new fence.

Q. What kind of teacher passes gas?
A. A tutor!

Q. What happens when you throw a purple rock into a yellow stream?
A. It makes a splash.

Q. Where can you find a 3 foot ruler?
A. At a yard sale.

Q. What type of house weighs the least?
A. A lighthouse.

Q. Why didn't the lobster share his plankton with his dad?
A. Because he was a little shellfish!

Q. What did the banana say to the judge?
A. "I'm sure to win this case on a-peel!"

Q. What did one raspberry say to the other on Valentine's Day?
A. "I love you berry much."

Q. What did one leaf say to the other?
A. "See you next fall!!"

Q. Why did the starfish breakup with the lobster?
A. Because he was SHELLfish.

Q. What has hands but no arms?
A. A clock.

Q. What did the elephant say to her son when he was naughty?
A. "Tusk tusk!"

Q. What did the fish say to the chip?
A. "We were made for each other."

Q. Where does the rifle go?
A. To the Rifle Tower!

Q. How do you attach a duck to the wall?
A. With Duck tape!

Q. How do you make a Kleenex dance?
A. You put a little boogie in it!

Q. What do ghosts say to one another to show that they care?
A. "I love BOO!"

Q. What do you do if something charges at you?
A. You take away its credit card!

Q. Why did the crab cross the road?
A. To get to the other the tide.

Q. Why don't penguins live in Britain?
A. Because they're scared of Wales!

Q. You're riding on a horse and you realize there's a lion chasing you and a giraffe is in front of you. What do you do?
A. Jump off the merry-go-round!

Q. What does a toad say when it sees something great?
A. "TOADaly Awesome!"

Q. What can you catch but never throw?
A. A cold.

Q. What can run, play and move around yet it cannot breath?
A. A CD or DVD!

Q. What did Cinderella wear to the beach?
A. Glass flippers.

Q. Did you hear about the man who got his left arm cut off?
A. He's all right now.

Q. How do you start a teddy bear race?
A. Ready, teddy, go!

Q. Why was the elephant afraid of the computer store?
A. Because they sold the world's best mice.

Q. What do you take before every meal?
A. A seat!

Q. Why was the cumputer cold at night?
A. It forgot to close its windows.

Q. What kind of shoes does a spy wear?
A. Sneakers.

Q. Why did the tightrope walker visit the bank?
A. He wanted to get his balance!

Q. What did the sick freight elevator say?
A. "I think I'm coming down with something."

Q. Which nail does a carpenter hate to hit?
A. A thumbnail.

Q. Why did the cookie cry?
A. Because his mother was a wafer too long!

Q. What do you get when you put jeans in the microwave?
A. Four hotpockets.

Q. Why did the man stick his car in the stove?
A. He wanted a hot rod!

Q. How can a rose ride a bike?
A. It uses its petals!

Q. Why is history the sweetest lesson?
A. Because it is full of dates.

Q. Why couldn't the astronaut land on the moon?
A. Because it was full.

Q. What is the world's largest beverage?
A. MinneSODA. (Minnesota)

Q. What is green and white when it is up and red when it hits the ground?
A. A watermelon.

Q. If you're on a plane and one of the engines breaks, how far will the other one take you?
A. All the way to the scene of the crash.

Q. Why did the bowlegged cowboy get fired?
A. Because he couldn't keep his calves together!

Q. Did you hear about the man who plugged his electric blanket into the toaster?
A. He kept popping out of bed all night!

Q. What happened when the computer geeks met?
A. It was love at first site!

Q. Why doesn't the sun go to college?
A. Because it has a million degrees!

Q. How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?
A. Rock-it.

Q. Why would it be silly to send a letter to Washington?
A. Because he is dead.

Q. What is a dentist's favourite game?
A. Tooth or Dare!

Q. What's the longest word in the dictionary?
A. Rubber band because it stretches!

Q. What book can you look in to find words that are not true?
A. The fiction-ary!

Q. What's the difference between a dirty dime and a clean nickel?
A. 5 cents.

Q. How do you make a bandstand?
A. You take away their chairs!

Q. What do you get when you cross a magician with a camera?
A. Hocus Focus!

Riddles continue below video…

Q. Why did the apple cuddle the orange?
A. Juice because he wanted a squeeze!

Q. What did the big hand on the clock say to the little hand?
A. "Hour you today?"

Q. What lies in a pram and wobbles?
A. A jelly baby!

Q. What sits outside all year long and is Irish?
A. Paddy O'furniture.

Q. Who was the straightest man in the Bible?
A. Joseph, Pharoah made a ruler out of him.

Q. What 10 letter word starts with gas?
A. An A-U-T-O-M-O-B-I-L-E.

Q. What kind of car does Humpty Dumpty drive?
A. A Yolks Wagon!

Q. Why can't computers play tennis?
A. They try to surf the net.

Q. What do you get if you cross some bubble bath and a famous detective?
A. Sherlock Foams.

Q. What is a volcano?
A. A mountain with heartburn!

Q. What happens when you cross the tango and a waltz?
A. A wango!

Q. What starts with T, ends with T, and is filled with T?
A. A teapot!

Q. What kind of murderer has fibre?
A. A cereal killer.

Q. What's yellow and goes 50 miles per hour?
A. A banana in a washing machine.

Q. A tomato, a cabbage and a hose were in a race. The tomato was red and the cabbage was a vegetable. Who won?
A. The hose was running, the cabbage was a head and the tomato was trying to ketchup.

Q. What kind of running means walking
A. Running out of gas.

Q. What do you call a break up between a boy and a girl banana?
A. A banana split.

Q. What disappears when you stand up?
A. Your lap!

Q. Why did the policeman stay in bed?
A. Because he was an undercover cop.

Q. Why couldn't the girl dial 911?
A. She couldn't find the 11.

Q. Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
A. Because he felt crummy.

Q. What 4 letters scare a thief?
A. O I C U (Oh...I see you.)

Q. Why did the tomato blush?
A. Because it saw the salad dressing!

Q. What time is it when a clock strikes thirteen?
A. Time to buy a new clock.

Q. What did the dressing say to the refrigerator?
A. "Shut the door I am dressing!"

Q. Why did the orange get stuck up the on the mountain?
A. Because he ran out of juice.

Q. Why did the kid put his head into the piano?
A. He wanted to play by ear.

Q. What do you call a giant with carrots in his ears?
A. Anything you want, he can't hear you!

Q. If a man was born in Spain, raised in Russia, grew old in Greece and died in America, what is he?
A. Dead.

Q. What happens when you throw a green rock into the Red Sea?
A. It gets wet.

Q. What does a hamburger name his daughter?
A. Patty.

Q. Why did the bank robber take a bath?
A. So he could make a clean getaway.

Q. How do you make cool music?
A. Put your CD's in the fridge.

Q. If you are running in a race and you just passed the guy in second place what place are you in?
A. You are in second place!

Q. Why do hair dressers always get places faster?
A. Because they know all the short cuts.

Q. What do you call a man in a bush?
A. Russell.

Q. Where do pirates like to eat?
A. ARR-bys!

Q. Have you heard the joke about the butter?
A. Better not tell you, it might spread!

Q. What runs around a house but never moves?
A. A fence.

Q. What did the picture say to the other picture?
A. "How long have you been hanging around here?"

Q. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced?
A. A buccaneer (A buck an ear)

Q. What did one toilet say to the other toilet?
A. "You look flushed."

Q. Why did the millionaire refuse to move to Alaska?
A. He didn't want to freeze his assets.

Q. Does France have a fourth of July?
A. Of course they do.

Q. How many sides does a circle have?
A. Two, inside and out.

Q. Who in the solar system has the most loose change?
A. The moon, it keeps changing quarters.

Q. What is green, small and round and goes up and down?
A. A pea in a lift.

Q. What is white with black spots and goes, "Oo, oo, oo"?
A. A cow with no lips.

Q. How many animals of each species did Moses take aboard the ark with him?
A. None, it was Noah's ark.

Q. What does a tree drink?
A. Root beer!

Q. What would we do if we found bad plants spoiling our lawn?
A. We'd weed.

Q. What do you say in the evening to a soldier in shining armor?
A. Night, night, Knight.

Q. What is the most musical part of your body?
A. Your nose, you can blow it and pick it.

Q. What is the best way to see a flying saucer?
A. Trip a waiter.

Q. What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder?
A. He got a little behind in his work!

Q. What is big, brown, black, hairy, has 5 eyes, sharp teeth and big claws, and eats human flesh?
A. I don't know either, but if you see one, you better run!

Q. Which tree doesn't play checkers?
A. The Chestnut.

Q. What's a computer geek's favourite snack?
A. Microchips.

Q. What becomes smaller when you turn it upside down?
A. The number nine.

Q. How do you know when a dumb person has been on the computer?
A. There's white-out all over the screen.

Q. Why did the son put his father on top of the freezer?
A. He wanted an ice pop!

Q. What has a neck but can't swallow?
A. A bottle.

Q. What vegetable has eyes but can't see?
A. A potato.

Q. What makes songs but never sings?
A. Notes.

Q. What did the policeman say to his belly?
A. You are under a vest!

Q. Why didn't Batman and Robin go fishing?
A. Because Robin ate all the the worms.

Q. Why is a riddle like a joke?
A. It's no good without a point.

Q. Why did the man go off the cliff with his truck?
A. He wanted to test his air brakes.

Q. What did the candle say to the other candle?
A. "Are you going out tonight?"

Q. What do you call a dentist in the army?
A. A drill sergeant.

Q. What did the paper cowboy say to the pencil cowboy?
A. "Draw."

Q. What do you call two bananas?
A. A pair of slippers!

Q. How much is the moon worth?
A. One dollar, because it has four quarters.

Q. What has two back bones and 1000 ribs?
A. A railroad.

Q. What disappears when you turn the light on?
A. The dark!

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