Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Riddles

Read our huge collection of riddles. These funny jokes are sure to make you LOL!

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Q. When is the best time to buy budgies?
A. When they're going cheap.

Q. What kind of place should you never take a dog?
A. To the Flea Market.

Q. What is black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white and green?
A. Two skunks fighting over a pickle.

Q. What do you call a woodpecker with no beak?
A. A head banger.

Q. Why did the turtle cross the street?
A. To get to the Shell station.

Q. What is green and hangs off trees?
A. Giraffe snot.

Q. There are 10 cats in a boat. One cat jumped out of the boat. How many cats were left?
A. None, they were all copycats.

Q. What place has the most cows?
A. Moo York. (New York)

Q. What's black, white, black, white, black and white?
A. A penguin rolling down a hill.

Q. What did the cow say to the other cow?
A. "MOOve over!"

Q. What kind of dog can jump higher than a skyscraper?
A. Any dog, skyscrapers can't jump.

Q. What's black, white and blue all over?
A. A cold zebra.

Q. Say milk five times really fast. Now, what do cows drink?
A. Water.

Q. Who was the first deer in space?
A. Buck Rogers.

Q. What is black and white and red all over?
A. A penguin doing 100 push ups.

Q. What did the bee say when he returned to the hive?
A. "Honey, I'm home!"

Q. What sort of appliance does a monkey use?
A. A gorilla. (A griller)

Q. What do you call a deaf dinosaur?
A. Anything you like, he can't hear you!

Q. What is a shark's favourite food?
A. Fish and ships.

Q. What do you get when you cross a bird, a car, and a dog?
A. A flying carpet.

Q. What animal sleeps with its shoes on?
A. A horse.

Q. What do you call a snail with no shell?
A. Homeless.

Q. What do you call a snail with no shell?
A. A slug.

Q. What do you call a crab that will not share?
A. A selfish. (Shellfish)

Q. What do you call a donkey with 3 legs?
A. A wonkey.

Q. What do you get if you cross a cow and a duck?
A. A creamy quacker!

Q. What is black and white and red all over?
A. A zebra with the chicken pox.

Q. How come a cheetah can't play hide and seek?
A. Because he's already been spotted.

Q. Why did the lamb go to the river?
A. To get a BAA-th!

Q. Why do gorillas have broad fingers?
A. Because they have large nostrils.

Q. What do you call a kangaroo that sneezes alot?
A. A kanga-choo.

Q. What do you give a frog at a hospital?
A. A HOPeration!

Q. What is worse than finding a worm in your apple?
A. Finding half a worm in your apple.

Q. Why did the horse cross the road?
A. To get to the other NEIGH-bourhood.

Q. How do you catch a rabbit?
A. Make a noise like a carrot.

Q. What do a duck and a tricycle have in common?
A. They both have a steering wheel, except for the duck.

Q. What has two heads, one tail and six legs?
A. A man on a horse.

Q. What do you call an angry polar bear?
A. Nothing, just run.

Q. Where do bees go after they are married?
A. On their HONEY-moon!

Q. What do you call a snail on a ship?
A. A snailor.

Q. Why do you never ask a dinosaur to read you a story?
A. Because their tales are so long.

Q. What's the difference between a dog and a flea?
A. A dog can have fleas, but a flea can't have dogs.

Q. What do you call a sleeping bull?
A. A BULL-dozer.

Q. What's the difference between a bird and a fly?
A. A bird can fly but a fly can't bird.

Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A. No idea. (No eye deer)

Q. What kind of musical instrument do rats play?
A. Mouse organs.

Q. What do you call a musical insect?
A. A humbug.

Q. What's red and mushy and is found between sharks teeth?
A. Slow swimmers.

Q. If a very small fish married a young dog, what would their baby be called?
A. A guppy puppy.

Q. What fish can help you build a house?
A. A hammerhead shark.

Q. Why are fish smart?
A. Because they travel in schools.

Q. Why did the fish make such a good musician?
A. He knew his scales.

Q. How do you catch a school of fish?
A. With a bookworm.

Q. How do you communicate with a fish?
A. Drop it a line.

Q. What did the sweaty octopus spend all his money on?
A. Underarm deodrant.

Q. Why wouldn't the oyster give up her pearl?
A. She was shellfish [selfish].

Q. Do sharks like to act in movies?
A. Only if they get the big, juicy parts.

Q. What do you get when you cross a parrot and a caterpillar?
A. A walkie talkie.

Q. What did the cat say when he fell off the table?
A. "Me ow!"

Q. What did the duck put in its soup?
A. Quackers.

Q. What kind of animals do clocks have?
A. Ticks.

Q. What do you get if you throw butter?
A. A butterfly!

Q. What do you call fish with no eyes?
A. Fsh.

Q. A skunk, a frog and a duck wanted to go to the movies. The movies cost a dollar, which animal got to go?
A. The frog because it was the only one with a greenback.

Q. If a rooster laid a white egg and a brown egg, what kind of chicks would hatch?
A. None. Roosters don't lay eggs.

Q. What's a cat's favourite magazine?
A. A CAT-alogue.

Q. What cat likes living in water?
A. An octoPUSS!

Q. What kind of shoes do mice like?
A. Squeakers!

Q. How do you stop a rhino from charging?
A. Take away its credit card.

Q. Where do you weigh whales?
A. At the whale-weigh station.

Q. Why is a snake lucky?
A. Because you can't pull its leg!

Q. What kind of birds always stay together?
A. Velcrows.

Q. What do you call an Italian cow that likes coffee?
A. De-calf.

Q. What kind of bug goes Zzub Zzub?
A. A bumble bee flying backward!

Q. What do you get if you cross a cow and a camel?
A. A lumpy milkshake!

Riddles continue below video…

Q. What do you get if you cross a cow, a sheep and a goat?
A. The Milky Baa-r kid.

Q. What has four legs, a tail, whiskers and cuts grass?
A. A lawn MEOW-er!

Q. What did the fish say to the other fish?
A. "(O)(o)(O)(o)(O)" (Hello)

Q. What do you call a shark that swallowed a bunch of keys?
A. Lockjaw.

Q. How do you spell mousetrap with ONLY three letters?
A. C-A-T!

Q. Why don't ducks get letters?
A. Because they already have bills!

Q. How do you stop a dog from barking in the back seat of your car?
A. Have him sit in front with you.

Q. A duck, a cat and a cow went out to dinner, who had to pay?
A. The duck. He was the only one with a bill.

Q. What do frogs drink?
A. Croak-a-cola.

Q. Where do horses go when they are sick?
A. HORSEpital.

Q. Why is getting up in the morning like a pig's tail?
A. It's twirly. (Too early)

Q. What is a cow's favourite drink?
A. MOO Juice.

Q. Why did the leopard refuse to take a bath?
A. It didn't want to come out spotless.

Q. What do you call a cat that eats lemons?
A. A sourpuss.

Q. What is a cow's favourite movie?
A. Moo-lan.

Q. What do polar bears like to snack on?
A. Eskimo thighs.

Q. How do you stop a mouse from squealing?
A. Oil it.

Q. Why was the ant confused?
A. Because all of his uncles were ants!

Q. Where does a cow go when he's bored?
A. To the MOOvies.

Q. What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
A. "Dam!"

Q. Why does a flamingo lift up one leg?
A. Because if he lifted up both legs it would fall down!

Q. Why didn't the squirrel cross the telephone wire?
A. Because the line was busy.

Q. What is grey, has a tail and a trunk?
A. A mouse going on a vacation.

Q. Why do sharks live in salty water?
A. Because pepper makes them sneeze.

Q. What is smaller then a talking cat?
A. A spelling bee.

Q. Where is the best place to leave a dog when you go to a ball game?
A. In the barking lot.

Q. What do dogs have that other animal don't have?
A. Puppies.

Q. What animal should you not play cards with?
A. A Cheetah!

Q. What do you call a person who studies happy parrots?
A. A jollypollyoligist!

Q. What do you call a dog who wins a race?
A. A weiner.

Q. What way do the cows like to go?
A. The milky way!

Q. What does a triceratops sit on?
A. It's tricera-bottom!

Q. What is black, white and red all over?
A. An embarassed zebra!

Q. How do you get 6 donkeys into a fire engine?
A. Two in the front, two in the back and two on the top going, "He-haw, he-haw!"

Q. What did the shark say when he bumped into a whale?
A. "I didn't do it on porpoise!" (purpose)

Q. Why did the camper bring a baseball player to camp?
A. To pitch the tent.

Q. Why was the voice teacher so good at baseball?
A. Because she had the perfect pitch.

Q. Why is baseball the safest sport?
A. Because on the field, it has a warning track.

Q. Why can't a car play football?
A. Because its only got one boot.

Q. What did one NASCAR driver say to the other?
A. "Do you want to crash at my place tonight?"

Q. What did the red sock say to the white sock?
A. "Let's play ball."

Q. Why did the stupid racing driver make ten pit stops during the race?
A. He was asking for directions!

Q. There's this guy and he's jogging. Well, he turns left, jogs some, turns left, jogs some, and turns left again. When he gets home there are 2 masked men waiting. Who are the masked men?
A. The Umpire and the Back Catcher!

Q. What do you call a football player whose helmet is too tight?
A. Call him anthing you want, he can't hear you!

Q. What did the baseball say to the cake batter?
A. "Batter up."

Q. Why was Cinderella thrown off the football team?
A. Because she ran away from the ball!

Q. If you have a referee in football and an umpire in cricket, what do you have in bowls?
A. Goldfish.

Q. Why did the coach go to the bank?
A. To get his quarterback.

Q. Why is Cinderella a bad football player?
A. Because she has a pumpkin as a coach!

Q. What football team makes the most money?
A. The Buck-aneers.

Q. Why did the surfer wear a baseball mitt?
A. He wanted to catch a wave.

Q. Why don't football players get hot?
A. Because of all their fans!

Q. What's the difference between winter and a hurt football player?
A. One is cold out and the other one is out cold.

Q. If athletes get athletes foot then what do astronauts get?
A. Missle-toe.

Q. What do you call a bell that can do gymnastics?
A. A flexi-bell.

Q. Which baseball team do puppies play for?
A. The New York Pets.

Q. What do you call a football team with pigs?
A. Queens Pork Rangers.

Q. Why did the baseball player get arrested?
A. Because he was caught stealing second base!

Q. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
A. In case he got a hole in one!

Q. What insect is a coward?
A. A flea!

Q. What is green and sings?
A. Elvis Parsley.

Q. Why did the fish have no money on him?
A. He left it all at the bank.

Q. What does a surprised iceberg say?
A. "Goodness Glacius!"

Q. What do they serve for lunch at karate camp?
A. Kung Food!

Q. What is a dog that sneezes?
A. Achoowawa!

Q. Who do you call when you break your toe?
A. The toe truck!

Q. What's the richest kind of air?
A. Billionaire.

Q. Why was the math book unhappy?
A. Because he had too many problems!

Q. Which is the most dangerous city?
A. ElectriCITY!

Q. Why did the orange wish he was wearing sunscreen?
A. He was starting to peel!

Q. What do cheerleaders drink?
A. Root beer.

Q. What did the man say to the butcher at the deli?
A. "I never sausage a place"

Q. What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
A. Bacon and legs!

Q. Where can you always find happiness?
A. In a dictionary!

Q. What bow can't be tied?
A. A rainbow.

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