Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Riddles

Read our huge collection of riddles. These funny jokes are sure to make you LOL!

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Q. A bus driver was going down the road. He passed a stop sign without stopping, went on the left side of the road, and ran a red light, yet he didn't get fined. Why?
A. Because he wasn't driving a bus, he was walking!

Q. Why couldn't the eight year old get into the pirate movie?
A. Because it was rated ARRRR!

Q. Why couldn't the skeleton laugh?
A. Because he lost his funny bone.

Q. What has four wheels and flies?
A. Garbage truck!

Q. What do you call a flying jelly?
A. A jelly copter.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. Because he was tired of living beside KFC!

Q. What did the cannibal say after he ate a clown?
A. "That tasted funny!"

Q. What did the witch have for snack?
A. A sandwich.

Q. Where does a penguin go to visit his aunt?
A. ANT-arctica!

Q. Where do crayons go on vacation?
A. COLORado!

Q. Why did the gum cross the road?
A. It was stuck to the chicken's foot.

Q. What did the pitcher say when eggs, bacon and pancakes were playing baseball?
A. "Butter up."

Q. What do you call a train full of toffee?
A. A chew-chew train!

Q. What do you call a dancing ant?
A. A dANTcer!

Q. I am a rock group that has four members, all of whom are dead, one of which was assassinated. What group am I?
A. Mount Rushmore! Get it, rock group?

Q. What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano?
A. "I lava you!"

Q. What is a mouth that won't shut up?
A. A blabber mouth.

Q. What room can't ghosts go in?
A. The LIVING room!

Q. What sickness can fly?
A. The flu!

Q. What letter of the alphabet has the most water?
A. The letter C!

Q. Why did the baby chick cross the road?
A. It was take-your-child-to-work day.

Q. How is bubble gum similar to a Wookie?
A. It's Chewy.

Q. What does a bird say on Halloween?
A. Twick or tweet!

Q. What does a wolf say on Halloween?
A. "Happy HOWLoween!"

Q. What do you call a frog that parks in a tow away zone?
A. A TOAD away zone.

Q. What is a bird's favorite treat?
A. Twix!

Q. What do you call a train full of bubble gum?
A. A chew-chew train.

Q. Why did the picture go to jail?
A. He got framed.

Q. What did one wall say to the other wall?
A. "I'll meet you at the corner."

Q. There was a man who walked into a bar and asked if he could have a glass of water but the bartender pointed a gun at him and the man who asked for water said thank you and left. Why did he say thank you?
A. Because the man had the hiccups.

Q. What fish will a greedy fisher catch?
A. Selfish!

Q. What's yesterday's tomorrow?
A. Today!

Q. What kind of music do stars listen to?
A. The starry blues.

Q. What do you call a pig that does karate?
A. Pork Chop!

Q. What has a thousand legs, a long neck but no head?
A. A broom.

Q. Why did the star go to the bathroom?
A. It had to twinkle!

Q. How did the cow get through the crowd?
A. He shouted MOOve!

Q. Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
A. To reach the high notes!

Q. What is always blue (sad) but always smiles?
A. A smurf.

Q. What did the judge say when the skunk entered the court?
A. "Odor in the court!"

Q. Why did the cow go to Hollywood?
A. She wanted to be a movie star.

Q. What money do dogs and cats have?
A. Kitty cash and doggy dollars.

Q. Why didn't the police catch the banana?
A. Because it split!

Q. What's invisible and smells like carrots?
A. Bunny toots!

Q. Why can't you do a math test in the jungle?
A. There are too many cheetahs!

Q. What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A. A cloud!

Q. What do babies and basketball players have in common?
A. They dribble.

Q. What dog keeps the best time?
A. A watch-dog.

Q. What type of soap did the composer use?
A. Anti-BACH-terial.

Q. Why do mathematicians like airlines?
A. They use Pi-lots.

Q. What did the scientist say to the hydrogen atom that claimed it lost an electron?
A. "Are you positive?"

Q. What did the flower say to the bike?
A. "Petal!"

Q. Do you want to hear a construction joke?
A. Sorry I'm still working on it!

Q. What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A. What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?

Q. What do you call a potato that was crushed?
A. Squash.

Q. What has four eyes but can't see?
A. Mississippi.

Q. What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left for school?
A. Bison!

Q. What do birds get when they are ill?
A. TWEETment.

Q. Imagine you are in a metal box. There is no way of getting out. You have no tools or food. How do you get out and survive?
A. You stop imagining!

Q. What is brown and sticky?
A. A stick.

Q. Why did the one handed man cross the road?
A. To get to the second hand shop!

Q. Why did the egg hide?
A. Because she was a little chicken!

Q. What did the cab driver wear to the ball?
A. A TAXIdo!

Q. What did the pig put on his rash?
A. OINKment!

Q. What goes up but does not go down?
A. Your age!

Q. Why didn't the bunny hop?
A. No bunny knows.

Q. What do you call a bunny with fleas?
A. Bugs Bunny.

Q. What kind of fish goes great with peanut butter?
A. Jellyfish.

Q. What pet does everybody have?
A. A carPET!

Q. What did the firefly say to the other firefly?
A. "You glow, girl!"

Q. What do you call a deer that makes money?
A. A buck!

Q. What did the bread say to the man?
A. Nothing, bread can't talk.

Q. Where did the boat go when it was sick?
A. His dock.

Q. There are two dads and two sons that went fishing. Everyone caught a fish, but only three fish were caught. How is this possible?
A. There was a grandfather, a dad and a son.

Q. What is a ghost's favorite color?
A. Boo!

Riddles continue below video…

Q. What is red when you go and green when you stop?
A. A watermelon.

Q. What animal never tells the truth?
A. A lion.

Q. What do you call a chicken crossing the road?
A. Poultry in motion.

Q. What is cute and cuddly and lives in your toilet?
A. Winnie the Pooh!

Q. Why did the pencil cross the road first?
A. He was the LEADer!

Q. There was a boy and a doctor. The boy was the doctor's son but the doctor was not his dad. Who was the doctor?
A. His mom!

Q. Are you a triangle?
A. 'Cause you sure are acute! ;)

Q. Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
A. Because they put on the salsa.

Q. Why was the Egyptian confused?
A. Because someone told him his daddy was a mummy!

Q. Why are pirates called pirates?
A. Because they AAARRR!

Q. Why did the bread cross the road?
A. To BUTTER the other side!

Q. If I did this equation, 23x45+27x99= What answer would I get?
A. A very big number!

Q. What does the pink panther do with his camera?
A. He takes PINKtures!

Q. What is the biggest word in the world?
A. Smiles. There is a mile in between each S.

Q. What did the tie say to the hat?
A. "You go on a head and I'll hang around here."

Q. A rabbit hops by IHOP. He looks at the sign. What does he say?
A. "Big deal, so do I."

Q. Why did the skeleton go to the barbecue?
A. To get a spare rib .

Q. What did Cinderella say to the photographer?
A. "Someday my prints will come!"

Q. You're stuck in a cement box, all you have is a mirror and a table, how do you get out?
A. You take the mirror, you see what you saw, grab the saw, cut the table in half, one half plus one half equals one whole, you take the hole put it in the wall and walk out.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. Because she was getting tired of just standing there!

Q. Where do dogs go when they lose their tail?
A. To the reTAIL store.

Q. Why was the dog sitting next to the fire?
A. He was a hotdog!

Q. Why was the crab arrested?
A. For pinching!

Q. What do you call a 100-year-old ant?
A. ANT-ique.

Q. Why did the dalmation go to the eye doctor?
A. Because he kept seeing spots.

Q. What did the crocodile say to the waiter in the cafe?
A. I want bacon, eggs, and toast and make it SNAPPY!

Q. What do you call an ant who studies accounts?
A. An accountANT.

Q. What's brown and blue and swings through the jungle?
A. A monkey wearing a denim jacket!

Q. Do you know what happens when ducks fly upside down?
A. They quack up!

Q. What does a frog eat with his hamburger?
A. French Flies!

Q. Why did the hot dog wear a sweater?
A. Because it was a chili dog!

Q. What does the lion say to his friends before a hunt?
A. "Let us prey."

Q. What do you call two spiders who just got married?
A. Newlyweb!

Q. What part of a fish weighs the most?
A. Its scales.

Q. What do you get with a kangoroo and a snake?
A. A jump rope.

Q. What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
A. Open TOAD sandals.

Q. Why do cats always go after mice and birds?
A. Because cats like fast food.

Q. What's a monkey's favorite snack?
A. Chocolate chimp cookies.

Q. What do fish take to stay alive?
A. Vitamin sea.

Q. What do you call a bear with no ears?
A. B.

Q. What's a cow's favourite drink?
A. LeMOOnade.

Q. What kind of car does a cow drive?
A. A CATTLEac.

Q. What time does a duck wake up?
A. At the QUACK of dawn.

Q. What is white on the outside, green on the inside and hops?
A. A frog sandwich.

Q. What is a porcupine's favourite game?
A. Poker.

Q. Why did the frog cross the road?
A. Because he wanted to show his girlfriend he had guts.

Q. What do you get when you cross a monkey and a pansy?
A. A chimpansy.

Q. Why did the whale laugh?
A. Because he saw the sea's bottom.

Q. How does a bee get to school?
A. On a bzz!

Q. Where do famous dragons go after they retire?
A. The hall of flame!

Q. What kind of bats swing upside down?
A. AcroBATS!

Q. What happened to the shark when he ate too many keys?
A. He turned into the Lock-ness monster.

Q. What insect is an arithmetic insect?
A. A mosquito! They add to misery, subtract from pleasure, divide the attention and multiply quickly!

Q. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A. A gummy bear.

Q. Where do cows stay when they go on vacation?
A. MOO-tels!

Q. Where did the boy take his pet pig to?
A. The Ham-usement park!

Q. Why did the dinosaur bring string to the baseball game?
A. He wanted to tie up the score!

Q. Why does a giraffe eat so little?
A. Because they can make a little go a long way.

Q. What do eskimos call their cows?
A. Eski-MOOS.

Q. What do you call a rabbit with the sniffles?
A. A runny bunny.

Q. What does a polar bear use to keep his head warm?
A. A polar ice cap.

Q. What bird is always sad?
A. A blue-bird.

Q. Why did the fish tell excuses?
A. To get off the hook!

Q. What do ducks use for math?
A. A QUACK-ulator !

Q. What do you call an an ant sticking out of the ground?
A. A plANT!

Q. What happened to the bed bugs who fell in love?
A. They got married in the spring.

Q. What is the difference between a cat that got photocopied and a cat that follows you?
A. One is a cat copy, the other is a copy cat.

Q. Why don't ducks tell jokes when they are flying?
A. Because they just might quack up.

Q. What does a cow do at the theatres?
A. Watch a MOO-vie.

Q. Why is a giraffe's neck so long?
A. Because their feet stink.

Q. What do you get when you cross a ball and a cat?
A. A fur ball.

Q. What has the fur of a cat, the whiskers of a cat, ears of a car, a tail of a cat, but is not a cat?
A. A kitten.

Q. Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
A. Because he wanted to see his flat mate!

Q. Why did the dog stay out of the sun?
A. So he wouldn't be a hotdog.

Q. What did one lion say to another when they saw some hunters in a jeep?
A. "Look, meals on wheels!"

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