Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Riddles

Read our huge collection of riddles. These funny jokes are sure to make you LOL!

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Q. Why didn't the Joker cross the road?
A. Batman was on the other side.

Q. Why did Tigger look in the bathroom?
A. To find Pooh!

Q. Why did the banana go to the doctor's office?
A. Because he wasn't peeling well!

Q. Where do fish keep their money?
A. In the riverbank.

Q. Why did the boy scream when he opened the fridge?
A. Because he saw the salad dressing.

Q. What did the joey say to the turtle?
A. "I can take my home with me too."

Q. I have four wings but I never fly, I never laugh and never cry. On the same spot I'm always found, toiling away with a squeaking sound. I turn but my body doesn't move. What am I?
A. A windmill that needs oiling.

Q. Why was the girl staring at the juice box?
A. Because it said: "Concentrate."

Q. There is a restaurant that is shaped like an oval. Inside there are waiters, a chef, a hostess, and a janitor. The restaurant opens and later that night the lights go off. Then when the lights turn on everyone except the staff is dead. So, the next day an investigator comes and asks people what they where doing that night. He asked the waiters what they were doing and they said, "Serving customers."
He asked the chef, and the chef said, "He was cooking."
Then he asked the janitor and he said he was sweeping in the corners.
Who killed everyone?
A. The janitor, because there are no corners in a circular restaurant!

Q. Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A. Because 7 8 9!

Q. How do you wrap a cloud?
A. With a rainbow.

Q. There are ten cats on a boat. One jumps off, how many are left?
A. None, they were all copy cats!

Q. What did the skeleton say before a meal?
A. Bone appetite!

Q. A cowboy rode into town on Friday, stayed for 3 days and left on Friday. How did he do it?
A. His horse's name was Friday.

Q. What goes up and down but never moves?
A. The stairs!

Q. How do you throw a tent?
A. You pitch it!

Q. What did the tomato say to the other tomato?
A. "You go on without me, I'll ketchup!"

Q. Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
A. Because KFC was on the other side.

Q. Why did the cow cross the road?
A. To get to the MOOvies.

Q. Why did the duck cross the road?
A. Because it thought it was a chicken.

Q. How do you make a milk shake?
A. Give it a good scare!

Q. How do you make a sausage roll?
A. Push it down the hill!

Q. The person who makes it sells it, the person who buys it never uses it, the person who is in it doesn't know it, what is it?
A. A coffin.

Q. How come my uncle does not brush his hair?
A. Because he is bald.

Q. What is black and white and read all over?
A. A newspaper.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A. To get to the other slide.

Q. What animal is NOT allowed to play in games or contests?
A. Cheetahs (cheaters)

Q. Which letter comes once in a minute, twice in a millennium but never in thousand years?
A. The letter M.

Q. What kind of monkey can fly?
A. A hot air BABOON!

Q. Why did the skeleton stand in the corner during his prom?
A. He had no body to dance with!

Q. What's black and white and red all over?
A. A sunburned zebra!

Q. What did the tree say to the light bulb?
A. "Hey! Just had a bright idea!"

Q. Where do snowmen go to dance?
A. The snowball.

Q. What has a head and a tail but no body?
A. A coin?

Q. What does a French cow say?
A. "Moo Lala!"

Q. What do you call a polar bear in the desert?
A. Lost.

Q. Why was the coach mad?
A. Because he wanted his quarterback.

Q. What is a cat's favorite color?
A. PURRple!

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To get to the other side.

Q. Why did the monkey cross the road?
A. Because the chicken retired.

Q. What do you get when you cross a star and a gun?
A. A shooting star!

Q. What kind of flower lives between your mouth and your chin?
A. Two-lips.

Q. What did the iPhone say to the other iPhone?
A. "It is nice to text you."

Q. What did the skeleton say after dinner?
A. "Everything I eat goes right through me!"

Q. What does Dracula say when he doesn't have good news?
A. "I have BAT news, everyone!"

Q. Where did the cow go on a holiday?
A. MOO York.

Q. What can you serve but never eat?
A. A tennis ball!

Q. Why couldn't the dinosaur play games on the computer?
A. Because he ate the mouse.

Q. What's big, grey and has red spots?
A. An elephant with chicken pox!

Q. Where do you get draggin' milk?
A. From a cow with short legs.

Q. What do you do with dead elements?
A. Barium!

Q. What goes around the world but stays in one place?
A. A stamp.

Q. Why did the rooster cross the road?
A. Because he wasn't a chicken.

Q. An electric train is going north, which way is its smoke going?
A. Nowhere it's an electric train!

Q. Why do mushrooms like to tell jokes?
A. Because they're a fungi!

Q. Where do snowmen keep their money?
A. In a snowbank.

Q. What has 6 legs, 4 eyes, 4 ears, 2 noses, 2 mouths and 2 heads?
A. A man sitting on a horse.

Q. There is a black house, grey house, red house, yellow house, green house and brown house. What colour house does President Obama live in?
A. The White House!

Q. Why did the girl take a ladder to school?
A. Because she thought it was a high school.

Q. What starts and ends with an O and has hi in the middle?
A. Ohio!

Q. What does Frankenstein's wife wear on her face to keep it smooth?
A. MONSTERizer!

Q. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
A. Because her students were bright!

Q. If a red house is made out of red brick, and a blue house is made of blue bricks what is a green house made of?
A. Glass.

Q. Why can't you play hide-and-seek with mountains?
A. Because they PEAK!

Q. What do ghosts serve for dessert?
A. Ice SCREAM and BOOberries!

Q. There are 2 cats, one is French and the other English. The French cat's name was Un Deux Trois and the English cat's name was One Two Three. Both cats think they're better than the other. To determine this they have a swimming contest. Which cat wins and why?
A. The English cat, because Un Deux Trois Quatre Cinq! (Un Deux Trois cat sank)

Q. What is a parrot's favorite food on the 4th of July?
A. Fire crackers!

Q. What two candies are the smartest?
A. Smarties and Nerds.

Q. Why did the mushroom have so many friends?
A. Because he was a fungi!

Q. What did the ghost put on his bagel?
A. SCREAM cheese!

Q. Why did the silly electrician jump over the clock?
A. So he could get some overtime!

Q. What is black and white and red all over?
A. An injured penguin.

Q. You are dreaming. A monster comes up to you and takes you away. He puts you in an oven and turns it on. Any moment he will be eating you. What should you do?
A. Pinch yourself.

Q. Four men are in a boat and fall in the water. Not a single man gets wet. How is this possible?
A. All of them were married!

Q. What is a ghost's favorite fruit?
A. BOOberries.

Riddles continue below video…

Q. What do you call it when a dinosaur crashes his car?
A. A Tyrannosaurus WRECK!

Q. What did the running ketchup said to the walking ketchup?
A. "Catch up!"

Q. Why did the cow eat the tight rope walker?
A. Because he wanted a balanced meal!

Q. Why did the cow do jumping jacks?
A. Because he wanted a milkshake!

Q. What is a cow's favorite ice cream?
A. MOOnila!

Q. Where do ghosts buy their food?
A. At the GHOSTery Store.

Q. Imagine you are in a boat. You were being circled by sharks. One shark is about to bite you. What should you do?
A. Stop imagining!

Q. What do you get if you cross a dino and a dog?
A. A dog a sore!

Q. Why are ghosts always hungry?
A. Because the food goes right through them!

Q. You are trapped in a room and there are 3 doors. Each door has something behind it. The first door has two hungry lions that have not eaten in four years. The second door has electric lasers all across the room. The third has three ninjas ready to attack. Which door would you pick to go through?
A. The first because the lions would be dead if they have not eaten for 4 years!

Q. Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
A. Because he had no guts.

Q. What always runs, never walks, often murmurs, never talks, has a bed but doesn't sleep, has a mouth but never eats?
A. A river!

Q. Why can you never trust spiders?
A. Because they post stuff on the web.

Q. What do eagles do when they coach a sports team?
A. They wing it.

Q. The peak on my house is going east and west and slopes North and South. A rooster is on the peak and lays an egg, which way did the egg roll?
A. Roosters don't lay eggs

Q. What flies when it's born, lies when it's alive, and runs when it's dead?
A. Snow.

Q. What do you get when you cross a sheep and a kangaroo?
A. A woolly jumper!

Q. What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
A. "I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand."

Q. If the red house is in the left and the blue house is on the right, where is the white house ?
A. Washington DC.

Q. Why do people like vampires so much?
A. Because they are FANGtastic!

Q. Which letter of the alphabet keeps us waiting?
A. Q. (queue)

Q. Which pillar is not used in a building?
A. A caterpillar.

Q. Why did the children eat their homework?
A. Because their teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Q. What cheese is not yours?
A. Nacho Cheese.

Q. What begins and ends with e but only has one letter?
A. An envelope.

Q. What can you call a math teacher?
A. A ruler.

Q. Why were the pirates so good at singing?
A. They were working on the high Cs.

Q. It is greater than God and more evil than devil. The poor have it. The rich need it and if you eat it you'll die. What is it?
A. Nothing!

Q. How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
A. Poker Face!

Q. You have a candle, a stove, and a fireplace and a match. Which one would you light first?
A. The match!

Q. What makes seven even?
A. Taking the S away!

Q. I usually wear a yellow coat. I usually have a black tip and wherever I go I make marks. What am I?
A. A pencil.

Q. Which fish costs the most?
A. A gold fish!

Q. What can you put in a freezer that's hot and will always come out hot?
A. Hot sauce.

Q. Why did the Smartie go to school?
A. Because he wanted to be smarter.

Q. What did the vampire say to his wife?
A. "Your neck looks slimmer."

Q. There was a train with passengers inside. Suddenly the train crashed, where would the survivors be buried?
A. No where, they are the survivors!

Q. What dog loves to take a shower?
A. A shamPOODLE.

Q. What did the Malteeser want to be when it grew up?
A. A Smartie.

Q. If you're Scottish when you go into the bathroom and you're Scottish when you go out of the bathroom, what are you when you're in the toilet?
A. European (you are peeing).

Q. Mary's mum had three children. One was called April, the second was May. What was the name of the last one?
A. Mary!

Q. What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
A. "You're way too young to smoke."

Q. What is a photograph's favorite game?
A. Pictionary.

Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.

Q. There are 30 white horses on a red hill. They stomp, chomp and they stop. What are they?
A. Your teeth.

Q. Which mountain has never been climbed?
A. Mountain Dew!

Q. What has a tongue but can't talk?
A. A shoe!

Q. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs at the front door?
A. Matt!

Q. What can you put in a barrel that makes it lighter?
A. Holes!

Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. "I've got a lot of problems."

Q. Why did the elephant paint his fingernails red?
A. So he could hide in a bowl of cherries.

Q. In a green house lives a green man and in the pink house lives a pink man. Who lives in the white house?
A. The president.

Q. What do you call a cow with no legs?
A. Ground beef.

Q. What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A. The teacher says throw out that gum and a train says chew, chew!

Q. What is the radius of a pumpkin?
A. Pi.

Q. What can you throw but not catch?
A. A fit!

Q. Whoever makes it, tells it not. Whoever takes it, knows it not. Whoever knows it, wants it not. What is it?
A. Counterfeit money.

Q. There was a green house. Inside the green house there was a white house. Inside the white house there was a red house. Inside the red house there were lots of babies. What is it?
A. A watermelon!

Q. What call for help, when written in capital letters, is the same forwards, backwards and upside down?
A. SOS.

Q. What is a volcano?
A. A mountain with hiccups!

Q. What is the quickest way to double your money?
A. Fold it in half!

Q. Why do birds fly south in the winter?
A. Because it's too far to walk!

Q. Why are Teddy Bears never hungry?
A. Because they are always stuffed.

Q. What do you call a fairy that hasn't taken a bath?
A. STINKerbell.

Q. What does the Invisible Man drink at snack time?
A. Evaporated milk.

Q. What is a mummy's favorite kind of music?
A. Rap!

Q. There is a one story house and everything in it is blue. The walls are blue, the ceiling is blue and the floor is blue. What color are the stairs?
A. There are no stairs in a one story house!

Q. What do you call a fly with no wings?
A. A walk.

Q. Why did the boy throw the clock out of the window?
A. He wanted to see time fly!

Q. What do you get when two skeletons dance in a biscuit tin?
A. Noise!

Q. Why do Rappers like Christmas so much?
A. Because of all the wrapping!

Q. What has no lid, key, or hinge yet golden treasure is hid inside?
A. An egg!

Q. Why did the boy bury his flashlight?
A. Because the batteries were dead.

Q. Why do cows wear bells?
A. Because their horns don't work!

Q. Why did the telephone go to the jewelry store?
A. He wanted a new ring.

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