Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Riddles

Read our huge collection of riddles. These funny jokes are sure to make you LOL!

Q. Why did the bee get married?
A. Because she found her honey.

Q. Where do sheep get their hair cut?
A. At the bah bah shop.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A. To get to the other slide.

Q. How do you stop a rhino from charging?
A. Take away its credit card.

Q. What is the difference between a worn out runner and a worn out vet?
A. One's dog tired and the other is tired of dogs.

Q. What did the fish say to the octopus while the octopus was eating?
A. Lend me a tentacle or 8.

Q. What did the bread say to the knife?
A. "Don't try to butter me up."

Q. What rolls and jumps but never walks?
A. A soccer ball!

Q. Where do you learn to make ice cream?
A. At Sundae School!

Q. What insect is an arithmetic insect?
A. A mosquito! They add to misery, subtract from pleasure, divide the attention and multiply quickly!

Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A. No idea. (No eye deer)

Q. What do you do when your fish sings flat?
A. Tuna fish!

Q. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A. A dino-snore!

Q. What kind of bagel can fly?
A. A plain bagel.

Q. What has four wheels and flies?
A. Garbage truck!

Q. What does a French cow say?
A. "Moo Lala!"

Q. Why did the orange get stuck up the on the mountain?
A. Because he ran out of juice.

Q. Why did the banana go to the doctor's office?
A. Because he wasn't peeling well!

Q. What did one wall say to the other wall?
A. "I'll meet you at the corner."

Q. What loses its head every day and gets it back every night?
A. A pillow.

Q. Why didn't the squirrel cross the telephone wire?
A. Because the line was busy.

Q. Which mountain has never been climbed?
A. Mountain Dew!

Q. What has ears but can't hear?
A. A corn field!

Q. What is something you will never see again?
A. The past.

Q. What question can a person ask all day long, getting a different answer each time, yet all the answers are correct?
A. What time is it?

Q. There are 3 men on a boat. The boat tips over and only 2 men get their hair wet. How is that possible?
A. One is bald.

Q. What tree do fingers grow off of?
A. A palm tree!

Q. What did the iPhone say to the other iPhone?
A. "It is nice to text you."

Q. What has four eyes but can't see?
A. Mississippi.

Q. Why is arithmetic hard work?
A. All those numerals you have to carry.

Q. What flower gives the most kisses on Valentines Day?
A. Tulips.

Q. What animal should you not play cards with?
A. A Cheetah!

Q. How do you make a milk shake?
A. Give it a good scare!

Q. What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
A. One is really heavy. The other is a little lighter.

Q. What's the richest kind of air?
A. Billionaire.

Q. What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder?
A. He got a little behind in his work!

Q. Why did the gum cross the road?
A. It was stuck to the chicken's foot.

Q. Sam, Lula, Mike, and Kayla all live in a house. Mike and Kayla went out to the movies and when they got back Lula was on the floor dead in a pile of broken glass and water. Sam was on the couch sleeping and didn't know what happened. How did Lula die?
A. Sam is a dog and Lula is a fish. Sam pushed over the fish bowl.

Q. Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A. Because they are always a little short!

Q. Why did the skeleton go to the store?
A. To get some spare ribs.

Q. Why didn't Noah do much fishing on the ark?
A. He only had two worms!

Q. What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall?
A. Art.

Q. What's a cat's favourite magazine?
A. A CAT-alogue.

Q. What did the pig put on his rash?
A. OINKment!

Q. Did you hear about the skeleton and his girlfriend?
A. They broke up and he was shattered!

Q. Why is the ice rink so cold?
A. There are a lot of fans there.

Q. Why did the rooster cross the road?
A. Because he wasn't a chicken.

Q. What's invisible and smells like carrots?
A. Bunny toots!

Q. What do you call a person who studies happy parrots?
A. A jollypollyoligist!

Q. Why did the bank robber take a bath?
A. So he could make a clean getaway.

Q. What way are the letter A and noon alike?
A. Both of them are in the middle of the day.

Q. Which is the loudest vowel?
A. The letter I. It is always in the midst of noise

Q. What do you need if you see a kangaroo 20 miles away?
A. I don't know, but you sure don't need glasses.

Q. There are 5 fish and 2 drown. How many are left?
A. Fish don't drown.

Q. What does a bird say on Halloween?
A. Twick or tweet!

Q. Where can you find a 3 foot ruler?
A. At a yard sale.

Q. What does a toad say when it sees something great?
A. "TOADaly Awesome!"

Q. What do you say in the evening to a soldier in shining armor?
A. Night, night, Knight.

Q. What did the student say after the teacher said, "Order students, order?"
A. "Can I have fries and a burger?"

Q. What is a cow's favorite ice cream?
A. MOOnila!

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