Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

St Jokes

We've got lots of funny St jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What did the gingerbread man find on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet!

Q. How did the rabbit cross the road?
A. He hopped he could.

Q. What kind of mail does a superstar vampire get?
A. Fang mail.

Q. Why does Santa have three gardens?
A. So he can go HOE HOE HOE.

Q. What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
A. The Christmas alphabet has NOEL!

Q. What is a skeleton's favourite instrument?
A. The trombone.

Q. How was Frankenstien's birth?
A. Shocking.

Q. What bow can't be tied?
A. A rainbow.

Q. What do ghosts like for dessert?
A. BOOberry pie!

Q. How did the Easter Bunny rate his favourite restaurant?
A. Egg-cellent!

Q. What Christmas carol is a favourite of parents?
A. Silent Night.

Q. What is the best way to see a flying saucer?
A. Trip a waiter.

Q. How did the sheep say Merry Christmas?
A. "Fleece Avoided."

Q. What happened to the Easter Bunny when he was naughty at school?
A. He was eggs-pelled!

Q. Why did the starfish breakup with the lobster?
A. Because he was SHELLfish.

Q. What do snowmen do on Christmas?
A. Play with the snow angels.

Q. What do you call Santa when he goes down a chimney with a fire at the bottom?
A. Krisp Cringle.

Q. What's a vampire's favourite part of the guitar?
A. The neck.

Q. What did the little ghost say to his mom?
A. "I've got a boo boo."

Q. Where will you always find gold?
A. In the dictionary.

Q. Why didn't the bunny hop?
A. No bunny knows.

Q. Where do baby ghosts go when their mom goes to work?
A. A scare centre!

Q. What do you call a fake stone in Ireland?
A. A sham-rock!

Q. Where do snowmen keep their money?
A. In a snowbank.

Q. What do goblins and ghosts drink when they're hot and thirsty on Halloween?
A. Ghoul-aid!

Q. What do ghosts wear on their feet?
A. BOOts.

Q. Which elf was the best singer?
A. ELFis Presley.

Q. How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?
A. Rock-it.

Q. What did the werewolf eat after he'd had his teeth cleaned?
A. The dentist.

Q. How do you know when Santa's in the room?
A. You can sense his presents.

Q. Where do you go when a ghost is chasing you?
A. To the living room!

Q. Where do beavers and hamsters live together?
A. Hamsterdam.

Q. How do you scare a snowman?
A. You get a hairdryer!

Q. Why did the rooster cross the road?
A. He wanted to impress the chicks!

Q. What did the ghosts eat for dinner?
A. Spoke!

Q. What did the crocodile say to the waiter in the cafe?
A. I want bacon, eggs, and toast and make it SNAPPY!

Q. Why didn't the ghost go boo?
A. Because it had no guts.

Q. Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato?
A. To keep from falling in the stew!

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. What does it mean when you find a horseshoe?
A. A poor horse is going barefoot!

Q. What did the astronaut say when he saw bones on the moon?
A. "Obviously the cow didn't make it."

Q. A rabbit hops by IHOP. He looks at the sign. What does he say?
A. "Big deal, so do I."

Q. What time do you go to the dentist?
A. Tooth hurty!

Q. What kind of candy won't a ghost touch?
A. Life Savers.

Q. Why were the kids afraid of Christmas?
A. Because of Santa Claws!

Q. What is invisible and smells like milk and cookies?
A. Santa's burps!

Q. How can you tell where the Easter Bunny has been?
A. Eggs mark the spot!

Q. What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet!

Q. What is a reindeer's favorite instrument?
A. Horns!

Q. There is a restaurant that is shaped like an oval. Inside there are waiters, a chef, a hostess, and a janitor. The restaurant opens and later that night the lights go off. Then when the lights turn on everyone except the staff is dead. So, the next day an investigator comes and asks people what they where doing that night. He asked the waiters what they were doing and they said, "Serving customers."
He asked the chef, and the chef said, "He was cooking."
Then he asked the janitor and he said he was sweeping in the corners.
Who killed everyone?
A. The janitor, because there are no corners in a circular restaurant!

Q. What's red and white, red and white, red and white?
A. Santa Claus rolling down the hill.

Q. What do you call a rabbit with the sniffles?
A. A runny bunny.

Q. What goes in a chimney red and comes out of it black?
A. Santa Claus.

Q. Where does the Easter bunny eat breakfast?
A. IHOP.

Q. Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
A. Because of all the wrapping!

Q. What sits outside all year long and is Irish?
A. Paddy O'furniture.

Q. Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland?
A. He couldn't afford their air fare!

Q. Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
A. Because he wanted to sleep like a log!

Q. What is a ghost's favourite ride?
A. A roller-ghoster.

Q. What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A. A puddle!

Q. Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A. Because they are always a little short!

Q. Why didn't the wig get any presents on Christmas?
A. Because it was very knotty.

Q. Why did the elf go to school?
A. To learn his ELFabet.

Q. What did the mummy ghost say to the noisy young ghost who kept interrupting?
A. "Spook when you're spooken to."

Q. What does Frankenstein's wife wear on her face to keep it smooth?
A. MONSTERizer!

Q. Why did the strawberry cross the road?
A. Because his mom was in a jam!

Q. Why did the candy cane cross the road?
A. Because it wanted to get a licking!

Q. Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with?
A. Because they are short tempered!

Q. How do phantoms travel?
A. Ghost to ghost.

Q. Why did Sponge Bob have a great Christmas?
A. Because he kissed Krabby Patty.

Q. What does a bunny rabbit do in the rain?
A. Get wet!

Q. What do you get if you cross Santa and a dog?
A. Santa Paws!

Q. Why did the leprechaun cross the road?
A. To get to the pot of gold.

Q. How long should a reindeer's legs be?
A. Just long enough to reach the ground!

Q. What do you get when you cross a ghost and a goblin?
A. I don't know, but it doesn't sound good to me!

Q. Where do snowmen go to dance?
A. The snowball.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gladis
Gladis who?
Gladis not me who got coal this Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Santa
Santa who?
Santa Clause!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Irish
Irish who?
Irish you a Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary and Abbey
Mary and Abbey who?
Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Easter
Easter who?
The Easter Bunny!

(Sing) Stay on the sunny side, always on the sunny side, stay on the sunny side of life, of life. May it cause you no pain, may it drive you insane, stay on the sunny side of life, of life.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Easter
Easter who?
Easter bunny.
(Sing song)
Knock knock
Who's there?
More
More who?
More Easter bunnies.
(Sing song)
Knock knock
Who's there?
Even more
Even more who?
Even more Easter bunnies.
(Sing song)
Knock knock
Who's there?
Car
Car who?
Car come and run over the Easter bunnies.
(Sing song)
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Some bunny
Some bunny who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Frank
Frank who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
The ghost and the invisible man
The ghost and the invisible man who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Easter Egg
Easter Egg who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ho, Ho, Ho
Ho, Ho, Ho who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Some bunny
Some bunny who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Sandy
Sandy who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary
Mary who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Irish
Irish who?
The Easter Bunny!

Jokes

The TV game show was really close. One contestant was asked to name 2 of Santa's reindeer. The contestant gave a sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question, "Rudolph and Olive!"
The host asked the contestant, "We'll accept Rudolph but can you explain Olive?"
The man looked at the host and said, "You know, 'Olive,' the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."
 

Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
Louie: Because George still had the axe in his hand?
 

Customer: There is a fly in my soup.
Waitress: Don't worry the spider in your bread will get it.
 

A ghost had been staying in a bed and breakfast hotel and when he came down for dinner he asked the waitress, "Please can I have two eggs, one tough and one rubbery, really tough bacon and burned, fried bread?"
The waitress said, "Sir, we really can't serve that kind of horrid food here."
The ghost replied, "Well, you did yesterday!"
 

When the dentist had a appointment with his friend it was at 2:30.
 

Santa Claus: What's that terrible racket outside?
Mrs. Claus: It's rain deer.
 

Father Christmas' sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, "Can you give me a hand?"
"Sorry," the motorist replied. "I'm not a mechanic, I'm a chiropodist."
"Well, can you give me a toe?"
 

Monster: It is a very hot day today!
Witch: So, can I make you a lemonade?
Monster: Yes!
Witch: Poof! You're lemonade!
 

Patty came up to a boy with a sheet over his head on Halloween and asked, "Are you a ghost?"
The boy replied, "No, of course not! I'm an unmade bed!"
 

A guy named Billie Bob Joe goes to a costume dress party with a girl on his back.

Harold, answering the door: What are you supposed to be?
Billie Bob Joe: A turtle.
Harold: What do you mean?
Billie Bob Joe: The girl on my back is Michelle.
 

Now I lay my head to rest
A pile of books upon my chest
If I shall die before I wake
That's one less test I have to take.
 

There was a really dumb girl and she failed a test. Her teacher wanted her to come in after school and make it up. On the note home to her parents the teacher wrote: Make up test.
The following day the girl brought lipstick and eye shadow to school.
 

Dad: Why is your test score so low?
Girl: Because of absence.
Dad: You were absent?
Girl: No, the girl next to me was.
 

Teacher: Who was the first woman on earth?
Boy: I don't know?
Teacher: Think of the apple story.
Boy: I know, Granny Smith!
 

Patron: Waiter, what's this Praying Mantis doing in my soup?
Waiter: Saying grace.
 

LaKesheauna: My dentist put his finger in a lion's mouth to see how many teeth it had.
Latangela: What did the lion do?
LaKesheauna: It closed its mouth to see how many fingers my dentist had.
 

There was a man carrying a lobster. His friend said, "What are you doing with that lobster under your arm?"
The man replied, "I am taking him to dinner."
The lobster spoke out, "I already had dinner, can we go to the movies instead?"
 

Once there were two chocolate bunnies and one had their ear bit off. One said, "Happy Easter."
"Huh?" Said the other.
 

A man walks into a dental office and says to the dentist, "I think I'm a moth."
The dentist says, "What!"
The man says, "I think I'm a moth."
The dentists says, "You need a phsycologist, not a dentist. Why'd you come in here?"
The man says, "Because your light was on."

 

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offence," said the judge.
"It is if you do it before the shops are open," countered the prosecutor.
 

A man went to a restaurant and ordered soup. When the waitress came to give the soup to the man, he said, "Excuse me, I saw your thumb in my soup."
The waitress said, "Oh, it's okay. It wasn't hot."
 

Dentist: Stop making a face, I haven't even touched your teeth .
Tommy: I know, but you're stepping on my foot!
 

They say in the first part in the song Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer there are only 8 reindeer but there are really 12. First there is Rudolf, of course. Then there is Olive, Olive the other reindeer. Then there is Howe, and Howe the reindeer loved him. Then there is Andy, Andy shouted out with glee. There are 12 reindeer in all.
 

Tongue Twister: A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk but the stump thunk the skunk stunk!
 

Husband: Why don't you buy Christmas seals?
Wife: I really don't know how I'd feed them!
 

A mushroom walks into a bar and the waiter says, "You look like a fungi!"
 


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