Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

St Jokes

We've got lots of funny St jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. How do you know when Santa's in the room?
A. You can sense his presents.

Q. What does Santa say in a race?
A. "Ready, set, HO!"

Q. What do you get when you cross a moose and a ghost?
A. A cariboo!

Q. How did the rabbit cross the road?
A. He hopped he could.

Q. What did the astronaut say when he saw bones on the moon?
A. "Obviously the cow didn't make it."

Q. What do wrestler's drinks come in?
A. Six packs!

Q. How does the Easter Bunny paint all the Easter eggs?
A. He hires Santa's elves during the off season.

Q. How do you catch a rabbit?
A. Make a noise like a carrot.

Q. What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked in the sky?
A. "Looks like rain, dear."

Q. Where did the baby ghost sit?
A. In a BOOster seat!

Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A. Frosted Flakes.

Q. What do you get if you cross poison ivy with a
four leaf clover?
A. A rash of good luck!

Q. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
A. Nothing, it was on the house!

Q. Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A. Because they are always a little short!

Q. Why don’t you see dinosaurs at Easter?
A. Because they are eggs-tinct!

Q. How do you know Santa is good at karate?
A. Because he has a black belt!

Q. You are dreaming. A monster comes up to you and takes you away. He puts you in an oven and turns it on. Any moment he will be eating you. What should you do?
A. Pinch yourself.

Q. Where did the ghosts go for vacation?
A. Mali-BOO.

Q. What is green, white, and red all over?
A. A sunburnt elf.

Q. Why did the starfish breakup with the lobster?
A. Because he was SHELLfish.

Q. What do you call Santa when he goes down a chimney with a fire at the bottom?
A. Krisp Cringle.

Q. Why was the ghost on the cheerleading squad?
A. It wanted to add a little team spirit.

Q. What did the ghost say to his wife?
A. "You look so BOOtiful."

Q. What kind of music do bunnies like?
A. Hip Hop.

Q. What do you get if you cross an apple and a Christmas tree?
A. Pineapple.

Q. Where do you go when a ghost is chasing you?
A. To the living room!

Q. What do you call a dentist in the army?
A. A drill sergeant.

Q. What do you get when you deep fry Santa Claus?
A. Crisp Kringle.

Q. Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A. Because they are always a little short!

Q. Why do frogs and alligators like St. Patrick's Day?
A. Because they are already wearing green!

Q. What does it mean when you find a horseshoe?
A. A poor horse is going barefoot!

Q. What do you call ghosts that ring doorbells?
A. Dead ringers.

Q. What goes in a chimney red and comes out of it black?
A. Santa Claus.

Q. What do you get if you cross mistletoe and a duck?
A. A Christmas Quacker.

Q. Why are ghosts always hungry?
A. Because the food goes right through them!

Q. What Christmas carol is a favourite of parents?
A. Silent Night.

Q. What did the cow get for Christmas?
A. A COWculator.

Q. What do ghosts wear on their feet?
A. BOOts.

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. What animal has a crown on its head?
A. A rooster.

Q. Why don't you eat ghosts?
A. They'll go right through you.

Q. What two countries should the chef use when he's making Christmas dinner?
A. Turkey and Greece.

Q. What pants do ghosts wear?
A. BOO jeans.

Q. Why didn't the bunny hop?
A. No bunny knows.

Q. What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament?
A. "Aren't you tired of hanging around?"

Q. Where do beavers and hamsters live together?
A. Hamsterdam.

Q. What's white, red and blue at Christmas time?
A. A sad candy cane!

Q. What did the ghost say to Santa Claus?
A. "I'll have a boo Christmas without you."

Q. Who says "Oh, Oh, Oh!"?
A. Santa walking backwards!

Q. What's a vampire's favourite part of the guitar?
A. The neck.

Q. What did the Easter Bunny say to the carrot?
A. "It's been nice gnawing you!"

Q. What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an oyster?
A. The oyster bunny.

Q. How did the ghost teach her class to go through the wall?
A. She went through it over and over.

Q. Where do ghosts buy their food?
A. At the GHOSTery Store.

Q. What happens when a ghost haunts a theatre?
A. The actors get stage fright.

Q. Why did the vampire give up acting?
A. Because he couldn't find a part he could sink his teeth into.

Q. Where did Santa Claus go for vacation?
A. Santa Cruz.

Q. How was Frankenstien's birth?
A. Shocking.

Q. Where did the ghost go on vacation?
A. The BOO-hamas!

Q. What did the father Easter egg do when the mother Easter egg told him a joke?
A. He cracked up!

Q. How long should a reindeer's legs be?
A. Just long enough to reach the ground!

Q. What do you call an Easter Egg from Outer space?
A. An Egg-stra-terrestrial!

Q. What did one ghost say to the other?
A. "Do you believe in people?!"

Q. What kind of bug hates Christmas?
A. A humbug.

Q. What did the ghost say when it sneezed?
A. "Ahh BOO!"

Q. Where did the mother monster put her child when she was at work?
A. At day-SCARE!

Q. What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A. A broken drum, you cant beat it!

Q. What do you get when you cross a ghost and a goblin?
A. I don't know, but it doesn't sound good to me!

Q. How was the snow globe feeling?
A. A little shaken!

Q. Why do Rappers like Christmas so much?
A. Because of all the wrapping!

Q. What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
A. "Long time no see."

Q. Why do we paint Easter eggs?
A. Because it's easier than wallpapering them.

Q. What is a ghost's favorite fruit?
A. BOOberries.

Q. What did the little ghost say to his mom?
A. "I've got a boo boo."

Q. What do you get if you pour boiling hot water down a rabbit hole?
A. Hot cross bunnies.

Q. Why does Rudolph have a red nose?
A. Because he sneezes a lot!

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gladis
Gladis who?
Gladis not me who got coal this Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Santa
Santa who?
Santa Clause!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Irish
Irish who?
Irish you a Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary and Abbey
Mary and Abbey who?
Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Easter
Easter who?
The Easter Bunny!

(Sing) Stay on the sunny side, always on the sunny side, stay on the sunny side of life, of life. May it cause you no pain, may it drive you insane, stay on the sunny side of life, of life.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Easter
Easter who?
Easter bunny.
(Sing song)
Knock knock
Who's there?
More
More who?
More Easter bunnies.
(Sing song)
Knock knock
Who's there?
Even more
Even more who?
Even more Easter bunnies.
(Sing song)
Knock knock
Who's there?
Car
Car who?
Car come and run over the Easter bunnies.
(Sing song)
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Some bunny
Some bunny who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Frank
Frank who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
The ghost and the invisible man
The ghost and the invisible man who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Easter Egg
Easter Egg who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ho, Ho, Ho
Ho, Ho, Ho who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Some bunny
Some bunny who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Sandy
Sandy who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary
Mary who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Irish
Irish who?
The Easter Bunny!

Jokes

The TV game show was really close. One contestant was asked to name 2 of Santa's reindeer. The contestant gave a sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question, "Rudolph and Olive!"
The host asked the contestant, "We'll accept Rudolph but can you explain Olive?"
The man looked at the host and said, "You know, 'Olive,' the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."
 

Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
Louie: Because George still had the axe in his hand?
 

Customer: There is a fly in my soup.
Waitress: Don't worry the spider in your bread will get it.
 

A ghost had been staying in a bed and breakfast hotel and when he came down for dinner he asked the waitress, "Please can I have two eggs, one tough and one rubbery, really tough bacon and burned, fried bread?"
The waitress said, "Sir, we really can't serve that kind of horrid food here."
The ghost replied, "Well, you did yesterday!"
 

When the dentist had a appointment with his friend it was at 2:30.
 

Santa Claus: What's that terrible racket outside?
Mrs. Claus: It's rain deer.
 

Father Christmas' sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, "Can you give me a hand?"
"Sorry," the motorist replied. "I'm not a mechanic, I'm a chiropodist."
"Well, can you give me a toe?"
 

Monster: It is a very hot day today!
Witch: So, can I make you a lemonade?
Monster: Yes!
Witch: Poof! You're lemonade!
 

Patty came up to a boy with a sheet over his head on Halloween and asked, "Are you a ghost?"
The boy replied, "No, of course not! I'm an unmade bed!"
 

A guy named Billie Bob Joe goes to a costume dress party with a girl on his back.

Harold, answering the door: What are you supposed to be?
Billie Bob Joe: A turtle.
Harold: What do you mean?
Billie Bob Joe: The girl on my back is Michelle.
 

Now I lay my head to rest
A pile of books upon my chest
If I shall die before I wake
That's one less test I have to take.
 

There was a really dumb girl and she failed a test. Her teacher wanted her to come in after school and make it up. On the note home to her parents the teacher wrote: Make up test.
The following day the girl brought lipstick and eye shadow to school.
 

Dad: Why is your test score so low?
Girl: Because of absence.
Dad: You were absent?
Girl: No, the girl next to me was.
 

Teacher: Who was the first woman on earth?
Boy: I don't know?
Teacher: Think of the apple story.
Boy: I know, Granny Smith!
 

Patron: Waiter, what's this Praying Mantis doing in my soup?
Waiter: Saying grace.
 

LaKesheauna: My dentist put his finger in a lion's mouth to see how many teeth it had.
Latangela: What did the lion do?
LaKesheauna: It closed its mouth to see how many fingers my dentist had.
 

There was a man carrying a lobster. His friend said, "What are you doing with that lobster under your arm?"
The man replied, "I am taking him to dinner."
The lobster spoke out, "I already had dinner, can we go to the movies instead?"
 

Once there were two chocolate bunnies and one had their ear bit off. One said, "Happy Easter."
"Huh?" Said the other.
 

A man walks into a dental office and says to the dentist, "I think I'm a moth."
The dentist says, "What!"
The man says, "I think I'm a moth."
The dentists says, "You need a phsycologist, not a dentist. Why'd you come in here?"
The man says, "Because your light was on."

 

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offence," said the judge.
"It is if you do it before the shops are open," countered the prosecutor.
 

A man went to a restaurant and ordered soup. When the waitress came to give the soup to the man, he said, "Excuse me, I saw your thumb in my soup."
The waitress said, "Oh, it's okay. It wasn't hot."
 

Dentist: Stop making a face, I haven't even touched your teeth .
Tommy: I know, but you're stepping on my foot!
 

They say in the first part in the song Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer there are only 8 reindeer but there are really 12. First there is Rudolf, of course. Then there is Olive, Olive the other reindeer. Then there is Howe, and Howe the reindeer loved him. Then there is Andy, Andy shouted out with glee. There are 12 reindeer in all.
 

Tongue Twister: A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk but the stump thunk the skunk stunk!
 

Husband: Why don't you buy Christmas seals?
Wife: I really don't know how I'd feed them!
 

A mushroom walks into a bar and the waiter says, "You look like a fungi!"
 


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