Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

St Jokes

We've got lots of funny St jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What happened to the Easter egg when it heard a funny joke?
A. It cracked up!

Q. What do you get if you cross Santa Claus with a duck?
A. A Christmas Quacker!

Q. Where did the ghosts go for vacation?
A. Mali-BOO.

Q. What do you call ghosts that ring doorbells?
A. Dead ringers.

Q. What does a ghost keep in its stable?
A. Nightmares.

Q. What happened to the Easter Bunny when he was naughty at school?
A. He was eggs-pelled!

Q. Why do frogs and alligators like St. Patrick's Day?
A. Because they are already wearing green!

Q. What's the best thing to give your parents for Christmas?
A. A list of everything you want!

Q. What did the crocodile say to the waiter in the cafe?
A. I want bacon, eggs, and toast and make it SNAPPY!

Q. How do ghosts like their eggs?
A. Terror-fried.

Q. Why is it hard for a ghost to tell a lie?
A. Because you can see right through him.

Q. What did the mummy ghost say to the noisy young ghost who kept interrupting?
A. "Spook when you're spooken to."

Q. What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
A. "Long time no see."

Q. What's white and red and goes up and down and up and down?
A. Santa Claus in an elevator!

Q. A rabbit hops by IHOP. He looks at the sign. What does he say?
A. "Big deal, so do I."

Q. What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an oyster?
A. The oyster bunny.

Q. Who does Frankenstein invite to his party?
A. Anyone he can gobble up!

Q. How does Easter end?
A. With an R!

Q. What do you get if you cross poison ivy with a
four leaf clover?
A. A rash of good luck!

Q. Why can't you iron a four-leaf clover?
A. Because you should never press your luck!

Q. What sits outside all year long and is Irish?
A. Paddy O'furniture.

Q. How did the sheep say Merry Christmas?
A. "Fleece Avoided."

Q. Why does Santa have three gardens?
A. So he can go HOE HOE HOE.

Q. Where does a snowman keep his money?
A. In a snow bank.

Q. What do monsters order in fast food restaurants?
A. French FRIGHTS!

Q. Why did the elf go to school?
A. To learn his ELFabet.

Q. What is a reindeer's favorite instrument?
A. Horns!

Q. Why are there only snowmen and not snowwomen?
A. Because only men would stand out in the snow without a coat.

Q. How did the ghost teach her class to go through the wall?
A. She went through it over and over.

Q. What flies when it's born, lies when it's alive, and runs when it's dead?
A. Snow.

Q. Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A. Because they are always a little short!

Q. What do ghosts like for dessert?
A. BOOberry pie!

Q. Why did the vampire give up acting?
A. Because he couldn't find a part he could sink his teeth into.

Q. What do you do when you see a ghost?
A. Run away of course!

Q. What do you get if you cross mistletoe and a duck?
A. A Christmas Quacker.

Q. What pants do ghosts wear?
A. BOO jeans.

Q. What do you get if you cross a bee and a bunny?
A. A honey bunny!

Q. How do rabbits travel?
A. By HAREplanes.

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. What did the werewolf eat after he'd had his teeth cleaned?
A. The dentist.

Q. How was Frankenstien's birth?
A. Shocking.

Q. What does it mean when you find a horseshoe?
A. A poor horse is going barefoot!

Q. How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?
A. Rock-it.

Q. What's Santa's favourite candy?
A. Jolly Ranchers!

Q. What is the best way to see a flying saucer?
A. Trip a waiter.

Q. Why did the leprechaun cross the road?
A. To get to the pot of gold.

Q. There is a restaurant that is shaped like an oval. Inside there are waiters, a chef, a hostess, and a janitor. The restaurant opens and later that night the lights go off. Then when the lights turn on everyone except the staff is dead. So, the next day an investigator comes and asks people what they where doing that night. He asked the waiters what they were doing and they said, "Serving customers."
He asked the chef, and the chef said, "He was cooking."
Then he asked the janitor and he said he was sweeping in the corners.
Who killed everyone?
A. The janitor, because there are no corners in a circular restaurant!

Q. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
A. "Watch the board and I'll go through it again."

Q. What does a bunny rabbit do in the rain?
A. Get wet!

Q. Why are ghosts always hungry?
A. Because the food goes right through them!

Q. What do wrestler's drinks come in?
A. Six packs!

Q. What did the cow get for Christmas?
A. A COWculator.

Q. Frankenstein and Dracula had a match. Who won?
A. Frankenstein because Dracula sucks.

Q. What's a vampire's favourite part of the guitar?
A. The neck.

Q. What comes before Christmas Eve?
A. Christmas Adam!

Q. What do you get when you cross a ghost and a goblin?
A. I don't know, but it doesn't sound good to me!

Q. What's a good holiday tip?
A. Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.

Q. Why didn't the lobster share his plankton with his dad?
A. Because he was a little shellfish!

Q. How long should a reindeer's legs be?
A. Just long enough to reach the ground!

Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A. Frosted Flakes.

Q. What do you get when you eat Christmas decorations?
A. Tinsilitis!

Q. What do you call a Christmas duck?
A. A Christmas quacker!

Q. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?
A. Real rocks would be too heavy!

Q. Where do you go when a ghost is chasing you?
A. To the living room!

Q. How do rabbits travel?
A. By hare planes!

Q. What goes in a chimney red and comes out of it black?
A. Santa Claus.

Q. How do you scare a snowman?
A. You get a hairdryer!

Q. Where do snowmen keep their money?
A. In a snowbank.

Q. What time do you go to the dentist?
A. Tooth hurty!

Q. Why didn't the ghost go boo?
A. Because it had no guts.

Q. What did the gingerbread man find on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet!

Q. Why did the rooster cross the road?
A. The chicken was sick.

Q. What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked in the sky?
A. "Looks like rain, dear."

Q. Why was the little ghost crying?
A. Because he wanted his mummy.

Q. Why do Rappers like Christmas so much?
A. Because of all the wrapping!

Q. Who says "Oh, Oh, Oh!"?
A. Santa walking backwards!

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gladis
Gladis who?
Gladis not me who got coal this Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Santa
Santa who?
Santa Clause!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Irish
Irish who?
Irish you a Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary and Abbey
Mary and Abbey who?
Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Easter
Easter who?
The Easter Bunny!

(Sing) Stay on the sunny side, always on the sunny side, stay on the sunny side of life, of life. May it cause you no pain, may it drive you insane, stay on the sunny side of life, of life.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Easter
Easter who?
Easter bunny.
(Sing song)
Knock knock
Who's there?
More
More who?
More Easter bunnies.
(Sing song)
Knock knock
Who's there?
Even more
Even more who?
Even more Easter bunnies.
(Sing song)
Knock knock
Who's there?
Car
Car who?
Car come and run over the Easter bunnies.
(Sing song)
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Some bunny
Some bunny who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Frank
Frank who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
The ghost and the invisible man
The ghost and the invisible man who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Easter Egg
Easter Egg who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ho, Ho, Ho
Ho, Ho, Ho who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Some bunny
Some bunny who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Sandy
Sandy who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary
Mary who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Irish
Irish who?
The Easter Bunny!

Jokes

The TV game show was really close. One contestant was asked to name 2 of Santa's reindeer. The contestant gave a sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question, "Rudolph and Olive!"
The host asked the contestant, "We'll accept Rudolph but can you explain Olive?"
The man looked at the host and said, "You know, 'Olive,' the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."
 

Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
Louie: Because George still had the axe in his hand?
 

Customer: There is a fly in my soup.
Waitress: Don't worry the spider in your bread will get it.
 

A ghost had been staying in a bed and breakfast hotel and when he came down for dinner he asked the waitress, "Please can I have two eggs, one tough and one rubbery, really tough bacon and burned, fried bread?"
The waitress said, "Sir, we really can't serve that kind of horrid food here."
The ghost replied, "Well, you did yesterday!"
 

When the dentist had a appointment with his friend it was at 2:30.
 

Santa Claus: What's that terrible racket outside?
Mrs. Claus: It's rain deer.
 

Father Christmas' sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, "Can you give me a hand?"
"Sorry," the motorist replied. "I'm not a mechanic, I'm a chiropodist."
"Well, can you give me a toe?"
 

Monster: It is a very hot day today!
Witch: So, can I make you a lemonade?
Monster: Yes!
Witch: Poof! You're lemonade!
 

Patty came up to a boy with a sheet over his head on Halloween and asked, "Are you a ghost?"
The boy replied, "No, of course not! I'm an unmade bed!"
 

A guy named Billie Bob Joe goes to a costume dress party with a girl on his back.

Harold, answering the door: What are you supposed to be?
Billie Bob Joe: A turtle.
Harold: What do you mean?
Billie Bob Joe: The girl on my back is Michelle.
 

Now I lay my head to rest
A pile of books upon my chest
If I shall die before I wake
That's one less test I have to take.
 

There was a really dumb girl and she failed a test. Her teacher wanted her to come in after school and make it up. On the note home to her parents the teacher wrote: Make up test.
The following day the girl brought lipstick and eye shadow to school.
 

Dad: Why is your test score so low?
Girl: Because of absence.
Dad: You were absent?
Girl: No, the girl next to me was.
 

Teacher: Who was the first woman on earth?
Boy: I don't know?
Teacher: Think of the apple story.
Boy: I know, Granny Smith!
 

Patron: Waiter, what's this Praying Mantis doing in my soup?
Waiter: Saying grace.
 

LaKesheauna: My dentist put his finger in a lion's mouth to see how many teeth it had.
Latangela: What did the lion do?
LaKesheauna: It closed its mouth to see how many fingers my dentist had.
 

There was a man carrying a lobster. His friend said, "What are you doing with that lobster under your arm?"
The man replied, "I am taking him to dinner."
The lobster spoke out, "I already had dinner, can we go to the movies instead?"
 

Once there were two chocolate bunnies and one had their ear bit off. One said, "Happy Easter."
"Huh?" Said the other.
 

A man walks into a dental office and says to the dentist, "I think I'm a moth."
The dentist says, "What!"
The man says, "I think I'm a moth."
The dentists says, "You need a phsycologist, not a dentist. Why'd you come in here?"
The man says, "Because your light was on."

 

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offence," said the judge.
"It is if you do it before the shops are open," countered the prosecutor.
 

A man went to a restaurant and ordered soup. When the waitress came to give the soup to the man, he said, "Excuse me, I saw your thumb in my soup."
The waitress said, "Oh, it's okay. It wasn't hot."
 

Dentist: Stop making a face, I haven't even touched your teeth .
Tommy: I know, but you're stepping on my foot!
 

They say in the first part in the song Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer there are only 8 reindeer but there are really 12. First there is Rudolf, of course. Then there is Olive, Olive the other reindeer. Then there is Howe, and Howe the reindeer loved him. Then there is Andy, Andy shouted out with glee. There are 12 reindeer in all.
 

Tongue Twister: A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk but the stump thunk the skunk stunk!
 

Husband: Why don't you buy Christmas seals?
Wife: I really don't know how I'd feed them!
 

A mushroom walks into a bar and the waiter says, "You look like a fungi!"
 


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