Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

St Jokes

We've got lots of funny St jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What is a ghost's favourite ride?
A. A roller-ghoster.

Q. Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
A. Because he wanted to sleep like a log!

Q. What do you get if you cross Santa Claus with a duck?
A. A Christmas Quacker!

Q. What do call Santa when he stops moving?
A. Santa Pause!

Q. Did you hear about the cracker's Christmas party?
A. It was a BANG!

Q. Why didn't the ghost go boo?
A. Because it had no guts.

Q. What did the ghost say when it sneezed?
A. "Ahh BOO!"

Q. Why did the vampire give up acting?
A. Because he couldn't find a part he could sink his teeth into.

Q. Why did the Easter Bunny join the gym?
A. To get lots of Eggs-ercise!

Q. How long should a reindeer's legs be?
A. Just long enough to reach the ground!

Q. Frankenstein and Dracula had a match. Who won?
A. Frankenstein because Dracula sucks.

Q. How do rabbits travel?
A. By HAREplanes.

Q. What is a ghost's favorite fruit?
A. BOOberries.

Q. Where do ghosts buy their food?
A. At the GHOSTery Store.

Q. Why did the strawberry cross the road?
A. Because his mom was in a jam!

Q. What is the cleanest reindeer called?
A. Comet.

Q. You are dreaming. A monster comes up to you and takes you away. He puts you in an oven and turns it on. Any moment he will be eating you. What should you do?
A. Pinch yourself.

Q. Why was Santa's helper depressed?
A. He had low ELF-esteem.

Q. What is a ghost's favorite color?
A. Boo!

Q. Where will you always find gold?
A. In the dictionary.

Q. How did the ghost teach her class to go through the wall?
A. She went through it over and over.

Q. What's the best thing to give your parents for Christmas?
A. A list of everything you want!

Q. How do you know Santa is good at karate?
A. Because he has a black belt!

Q. What is a skeleton's favourite instrument?
A. The trombone.

Q. Why did the starfish breakup with the lobster?
A. Because he was SHELLfish.

Q. Why didn't the lobster share his plankton with his dad?
A. Because he was a little shellfish!

Q. Why do we paint Easter eggs?
A. Because it's easier than wallpapering them.

Q. What did the ghost put on his bagel?
A. SCREAM cheese!

Q. What is a reindeer's favorite instrument?
A. Horns!

Q. Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland?
A. He couldn't afford their air fare!

Q. Why are ghosts always hungry?
A. Because the food goes right through them!

Q. What do ghosts wear on their feet?
A. BOOts.

Q. There is a restaurant that is shaped like an oval. Inside there are waiters, a chef, a hostess, and a janitor. The restaurant opens and later that night the lights go off. Then when the lights turn on everyone except the staff is dead. So, the next day an investigator comes and asks people what they where doing that night. He asked the waiters what they were doing and they said, "Serving customers."
He asked the chef, and the chef said, "He was cooking."
Then he asked the janitor and he said he was sweeping in the corners.
Who killed everyone?
A. The janitor, because there are no corners in a circular restaurant!

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. What did the mummy ghost say to the noisy young ghost who kept interrupting?
A. "Spook when you're spooken to."

Q. Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A. Because they are always a little short!

Q. Why was the ghost on the cheerleading squad?
A. It wanted to add a little team spirit.

Q. What kind of bunny can't hop?
A. Ones made of chocolate!

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. What do you do when you see a ghost?
A. Run away of course!

Q. What sits outside all year long and is Irish?
A. Paddy O'furniture.

Q. What do ghosts serve for dessert?
A. Ice SCREAM and BOOberries!

Q. What did the Easter Bunny say to the carrot?
A. "It's been nice gnawing you!"

Q. What do ghosts eat for dinner?
A. SPOOKgetti!

Q. When does the leprechaun cross the road?
A. When it's green!

Q. What happens when a ghost haunts a theatre?
A. The actors get stage fright.

Q. What Christmas carol is a favourite of parents?
A. Silent Night.

Q. Why did the rooster cross the road?
A. Because he wasn't a chicken.

Q. What is big, red and flies in the sky?
A. Santa Claus.

Q. What do ghosts say to one another to show that they care?
A. "I love BOO!"

Q. What is the best way to see a flying saucer?
A. Trip a waiter.

Q. What do they sing under the ocean during the winter?
A. Christmas Corals!

Q. Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with?
A. Because they are short tempered!

Q. What is a dentist's favourite game?
A. Tooth or Dare!

Q. Where will you always find a leprechaun?
A. In the dictionary!

Q. Why do frogs and alligators like St. Patrick's Day?
A. Because they are already wearing green!

Q. What Jedi can you eat?
A. Obi Wan Cannoli!

Q. What do you get when you cross a cat with Santa Claus?
A. Santa-Claws!

Q. What kind of bug hates Christmas?
A. A humbug.

Q. Where do snowmen keep their money?
A. In a snowbank.

Q. Where do snowmen go to dance?
A. The snowball.

Q. What did the ghost say to his wife?
A. "You look so BOOtiful."

Q. What do bunnies do when they get married?
A. Go on a bunnymoon!

Q. Why do Rappers like Christmas so much?
A. Because of all the wrapping!

Q. What's white, red and blue at Christmas time?
A. A sad candy cane!

Q. What do you call an Easter Egg from Outer space?
A. An Egg-stra-terrestrial!

Q. Why are Christmas trees such bad knitters?
A. They are always dropping their needles.

Q. How did the rabbit cross the road?
A. He hopped he could.

Q. Who says "Oh, Oh, Oh!"?
A. Santa walking backwards!

Q. What is invisible and smells like milk and cookies?
A. Santa's burps!

Q. What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked in the sky?
A. "Looks like rain, dear."

Q. Why does Rudolph have a red nose?
A. Because he sneezes a lot!

Q. Where did Santa Claus go for vacation?
A. Santa Cruz.

Q. What did the monkey sing on Christmas day?
A. Jungle bells, Jungle bells...

Q. What did one ghost say to the other?
A. "Do you believe in people?!"

Q. Why is the Easter Bunny so smart?
A. He's an egghead.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gladis
Gladis who?
Gladis not me who got coal this Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Santa
Santa who?
Santa Clause!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Irish
Irish who?
Irish you a Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary and Abbey
Mary and Abbey who?
Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Easter
Easter who?
The Easter Bunny!

(Sing) Stay on the sunny side, always on the sunny side, stay on the sunny side of life, of life. May it cause you no pain, may it drive you insane, stay on the sunny side of life, of life.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Easter
Easter who?
Easter bunny.
(Sing song)
Knock knock
Who's there?
More
More who?
More Easter bunnies.
(Sing song)
Knock knock
Who's there?
Even more
Even more who?
Even more Easter bunnies.
(Sing song)
Knock knock
Who's there?
Car
Car who?
Car come and run over the Easter bunnies.
(Sing song)
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Some bunny
Some bunny who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Frank
Frank who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
The ghost and the invisible man
The ghost and the invisible man who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Easter Egg
Easter Egg who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ho, Ho, Ho
Ho, Ho, Ho who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Some bunny
Some bunny who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Sandy
Sandy who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary
Mary who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Irish
Irish who?
The Easter Bunny!

Jokes

The TV game show was really close. One contestant was asked to name 2 of Santa's reindeer. The contestant gave a sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question, "Rudolph and Olive!"
The host asked the contestant, "We'll accept Rudolph but can you explain Olive?"
The man looked at the host and said, "You know, 'Olive,' the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."
 

Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
Louie: Because George still had the axe in his hand?
 

Customer: There is a fly in my soup.
Waitress: Don't worry the spider in your bread will get it.
 

A ghost had been staying in a bed and breakfast hotel and when he came down for dinner he asked the waitress, "Please can I have two eggs, one tough and one rubbery, really tough bacon and burned, fried bread?"
The waitress said, "Sir, we really can't serve that kind of horrid food here."
The ghost replied, "Well, you did yesterday!"
 

When the dentist had a appointment with his friend it was at 2:30.
 

Santa Claus: What's that terrible racket outside?
Mrs. Claus: It's rain deer.
 

Father Christmas' sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, "Can you give me a hand?"
"Sorry," the motorist replied. "I'm not a mechanic, I'm a chiropodist."
"Well, can you give me a toe?"
 

Monster: It is a very hot day today!
Witch: So, can I make you a lemonade?
Monster: Yes!
Witch: Poof! You're lemonade!
 

Patty came up to a boy with a sheet over his head on Halloween and asked, "Are you a ghost?"
The boy replied, "No, of course not! I'm an unmade bed!"
 

A guy named Billie Bob Joe goes to a costume dress party with a girl on his back.

Harold, answering the door: What are you supposed to be?
Billie Bob Joe: A turtle.
Harold: What do you mean?
Billie Bob Joe: The girl on my back is Michelle.
 

Now I lay my head to rest
A pile of books upon my chest
If I shall die before I wake
That's one less test I have to take.
 

There was a really dumb girl and she failed a test. Her teacher wanted her to come in after school and make it up. On the note home to her parents the teacher wrote: Make up test.
The following day the girl brought lipstick and eye shadow to school.
 

Dad: Why is your test score so low?
Girl: Because of absence.
Dad: You were absent?
Girl: No, the girl next to me was.
 

Teacher: Who was the first woman on earth?
Boy: I don't know?
Teacher: Think of the apple story.
Boy: I know, Granny Smith!
 

Patron: Waiter, what's this Praying Mantis doing in my soup?
Waiter: Saying grace.
 

LaKesheauna: My dentist put his finger in a lion's mouth to see how many teeth it had.
Latangela: What did the lion do?
LaKesheauna: It closed its mouth to see how many fingers my dentist had.
 

There was a man carrying a lobster. His friend said, "What are you doing with that lobster under your arm?"
The man replied, "I am taking him to dinner."
The lobster spoke out, "I already had dinner, can we go to the movies instead?"
 

Once there were two chocolate bunnies and one had their ear bit off. One said, "Happy Easter."
"Huh?" Said the other.
 

A man walks into a dental office and says to the dentist, "I think I'm a moth."
The dentist says, "What!"
The man says, "I think I'm a moth."
The dentists says, "You need a phsycologist, not a dentist. Why'd you come in here?"
The man says, "Because your light was on."

 

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offence," said the judge.
"It is if you do it before the shops are open," countered the prosecutor.
 

A man went to a restaurant and ordered soup. When the waitress came to give the soup to the man, he said, "Excuse me, I saw your thumb in my soup."
The waitress said, "Oh, it's okay. It wasn't hot."
 

Dentist: Stop making a face, I haven't even touched your teeth .
Tommy: I know, but you're stepping on my foot!
 

They say in the first part in the song Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer there are only 8 reindeer but there are really 12. First there is Rudolf, of course. Then there is Olive, Olive the other reindeer. Then there is Howe, and Howe the reindeer loved him. Then there is Andy, Andy shouted out with glee. There are 12 reindeer in all.
 

Tongue Twister: A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk but the stump thunk the skunk stunk!
 

Husband: Why don't you buy Christmas seals?
Wife: I really don't know how I'd feed them!
 

A mushroom walks into a bar and the waiter says, "You look like a fungi!"
 


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