Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

St Jokes

We've got lots of funny St jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. Who says "Oh, Oh, Oh!"?
A. Santa walking backwards!

Q. What do you get if you cross poison ivy with a
four leaf clover?
A. A rash of good luck!

Q. How do phantoms travel?
A. Ghost to ghost.

Q. What do you call a dentist in the army?
A. A drill sergeant.

Q. How did the rabbit cross the road?
A. He hopped he could.

Q. How long should a reindeer's legs be?
A. Just long enough to reach the ground!

Q. Why don't you eat ghosts?
A. They'll go right through you.

Q. How does a rabbit throw a tantrum?
A. He gets hopping mad.

Q. How did the sheep say Merry Christmas?
A. "Fleece Avoided."

Q. What did the father Easter egg do when the mother Easter egg told him a joke?
A. He cracked up!

Q. What's black and white and red all over?
A. Santa covered with chimney soot.

Q. Where do you go when a ghost is chasing you?
A. To the living room!

Q. What do you get when you cross a ghost and a goblin?
A. I don't know, but it doesn't sound good to me!

Q. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
A. Nothing, it was on the house!

Q. What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
A. The Christmas alphabet has NOEL!

Q. Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A. Because they are always a little short!

Q. What did the ghosts eat for dinner?
A. Spoke!

Q. What do you call an Easter Egg from Outer space?
A. An Egg-stra-terrestrial!

Q. What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A. A puddle!

Q. What happened to the Easter Bunny when he was naughty at school?
A. He was eggs-pelled!

Q. How did the ghost teach her class to go through the wall?
A. She went through it over and over.

Q. Why do frogs and alligators like St. Patrick's Day?
A. Because they are already wearing green!

Q. What's Santa's favourite candy?
A. Jolly Ranchers!

Q. What do you get when you cross a ghost, a dog and a rooster?
A. A cockatoo!

Q. Why are there only snowmen and not snowwomen?
A. Because only men would stand out in the snow without a coat.

Q. What did the Easter Bunny say to the carrot?
A. "It's been nice gnawing you!"

Q. Who does Frankenstein invite to his party?
A. Anyone he can gobble up!

Q. What's a monster's favourite game?
A. Swallow the Leader!

Q. How do rabbits travel?
A. By hare planes!

Q. Why didn't the ghost go boo?
A. Because it had no guts.

Q. What do snowmen do on Christmas?
A. Play with the snow angels.

Q. Where did the baby ghost sit?
A. In a BOOster seat!

Q. Why did the vampire give up acting?
A. Because he couldn't find a part he could sink his teeth into.

Q. What does a panda ghost eat?
A. Bam-BOO!

Q. What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament?
A. "Aren't you tired of hanging around?"

Q. Why do rabbits eat carrots?
A. Because they don't want to be nearsighted!

Q. What time do you go to the dentist?
A. Tooth hurty!

Q. Where do snowmen keep their money?
A. In a snowbank.

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. What two countries should the chef use when he's making Christmas dinner?
A. Turkey and Greece.

Q. What is green, white, and red all over?
A. A sunburnt elf.

Q. What do wrestler's drinks come in?
A. Six packs!

Q. What do you get when you eat Christmas decorations?
A. Tinsilitis!

Q. How was the snow globe feeling?
A. A little shaken!

Q. What does Frankenstein's wife wear on her face to keep it smooth?
A. MONSTERizer!

Q. What Jedi can you eat?
A. Obi Wan Cannoli!

Q. What room can't ghosts go in?
A. The LIVING room!

Q. What did the monkey sing on Christmas day?
A. Jungle bells, Jungle bells...

Q. What do you do when you see a ghost?
A. Run away of course!

Q. What do bunnies do when they get married?
A. Go on a bunnymoon!

Q. What do you get if you cross mistletoe and a duck?
A. A Christmas Quacker.

Q. What does the Easter Bunny say when it burps?
A. "Eggs-cuse me!"

Q. Why did Frosty have a carrot in his nose?
A. Because he forgot where the refrigerator was.

Q. A rabbit hops by IHOP. He looks at the sign. What does he say?
A. "Big deal, so do I."

Q. Who is Frosty's favorite aunt?
A. Aunt Artica!

Q. What kind of stories do rabbits like best?
A. Ones with hoppy endings.

Q. What did the reindeer say when he saw an elf?
A. Nothing, reindeer can't talk.

Q. What happens when a leprechaun falls into a river?
A. He gets wet!

Q. What did the astronaut say when he saw bones on the moon?
A. "Obviously the cow didn't make it."

Q. What did the cow get for Christmas?
A. A COWculator.

Q. What would you get if you crossed a leprechaun with a frog?
A. A little man having a hopping good time!

Q. What stories does the Easter Bunny like best?
A. The ones with happy eggings!

Q. What do ghosts eat for dinner?
A. SPOOKgetti!

Q. What do you get if you cross an apple and a Christmas tree?
A. Pineapple.

Q. How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?
A. Rock-it.

Q. Why is it hard for a ghost to tell a lie?
A. Because you can see right through him.

Q. What did the ghost put on his bagel?
A. SCREAM cheese!

Q. How can you tell where the Easter Bunny has been?
A. Eggs mark the spot!

Q. What's a good holiday tip?
A. Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.

Q. What kind of candy won't a ghost touch?
A. Life Savers.

Q. You are dreaming. A monster comes up to you and takes you away. He puts you in an oven and turns it on. Any moment he will be eating you. What should you do?
A. Pinch yourself.

Q. Why did the candy cane cross the road?
A. Because it wanted to get a licking!

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. Why did the rooster get a tattoo?
A. He wanted to impress the chicks!

Q. What is big, red and flies in the sky?
A. Santa Claus.

Q. What does a ghost call his mom and dad?
A. His transparents.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gladis
Gladis who?
Gladis not me who got coal this Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Santa
Santa who?
Santa Clause!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Irish
Irish who?
Irish you a Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary and Abbey
Mary and Abbey who?
Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Easter
Easter who?
The Easter Bunny!

(Sing) Stay on the sunny side, always on the sunny side, stay on the sunny side of life, of life. May it cause you no pain, may it drive you insane, stay on the sunny side of life, of life.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Easter
Easter who?
Easter bunny.
(Sing song)
Knock knock
Who's there?
More
More who?
More Easter bunnies.
(Sing song)
Knock knock
Who's there?
Even more
Even more who?
Even more Easter bunnies.
(Sing song)
Knock knock
Who's there?
Car
Car who?
Car come and run over the Easter bunnies.
(Sing song)
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Some bunny
Some bunny who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Frank
Frank who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
The ghost and the invisible man
The ghost and the invisible man who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Easter Egg
Easter Egg who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ho, Ho, Ho
Ho, Ho, Ho who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Some bunny
Some bunny who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Sandy
Sandy who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary
Mary who?
The Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Irish
Irish who?
The Easter Bunny!

Jokes

The TV game show was really close. One contestant was asked to name 2 of Santa's reindeer. The contestant gave a sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question, "Rudolph and Olive!"
The host asked the contestant, "We'll accept Rudolph but can you explain Olive?"
The man looked at the host and said, "You know, 'Olive,' the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."
 

Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
Louie: Because George still had the axe in his hand?
 

Customer: There is a fly in my soup.
Waitress: Don't worry the spider in your bread will get it.
 

A ghost had been staying in a bed and breakfast hotel and when he came down for dinner he asked the waitress, "Please can I have two eggs, one tough and one rubbery, really tough bacon and burned, fried bread?"
The waitress said, "Sir, we really can't serve that kind of horrid food here."
The ghost replied, "Well, you did yesterday!"
 

When the dentist had a appointment with his friend it was at 2:30.
 

Santa Claus: What's that terrible racket outside?
Mrs. Claus: It's rain deer.
 

Father Christmas' sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, "Can you give me a hand?"
"Sorry," the motorist replied. "I'm not a mechanic, I'm a chiropodist."
"Well, can you give me a toe?"
 

Monster: It is a very hot day today!
Witch: So, can I make you a lemonade?
Monster: Yes!
Witch: Poof! You're lemonade!
 

Patty came up to a boy with a sheet over his head on Halloween and asked, "Are you a ghost?"
The boy replied, "No, of course not! I'm an unmade bed!"
 

A guy named Billie Bob Joe goes to a costume dress party with a girl on his back.

Harold, answering the door: What are you supposed to be?
Billie Bob Joe: A turtle.
Harold: What do you mean?
Billie Bob Joe: The girl on my back is Michelle.
 

Now I lay my head to rest
A pile of books upon my chest
If I shall die before I wake
That's one less test I have to take.
 

There was a really dumb girl and she failed a test. Her teacher wanted her to come in after school and make it up. On the note home to her parents the teacher wrote: Make up test.
The following day the girl brought lipstick and eye shadow to school.
 

Dad: Why is your test score so low?
Girl: Because of absence.
Dad: You were absent?
Girl: No, the girl next to me was.
 

Teacher: Who was the first woman on earth?
Boy: I don't know?
Teacher: Think of the apple story.
Boy: I know, Granny Smith!
 

Patron: Waiter, what's this Praying Mantis doing in my soup?
Waiter: Saying grace.
 

LaKesheauna: My dentist put his finger in a lion's mouth to see how many teeth it had.
Latangela: What did the lion do?
LaKesheauna: It closed its mouth to see how many fingers my dentist had.
 

There was a man carrying a lobster. His friend said, "What are you doing with that lobster under your arm?"
The man replied, "I am taking him to dinner."
The lobster spoke out, "I already had dinner, can we go to the movies instead?"
 

Once there were two chocolate bunnies and one had their ear bit off. One said, "Happy Easter."
"Huh?" Said the other.
 

A man walks into a dental office and says to the dentist, "I think I'm a moth."
The dentist says, "What!"
The man says, "I think I'm a moth."
The dentists says, "You need a phsycologist, not a dentist. Why'd you come in here?"
The man says, "Because your light was on."

 

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offence," said the judge.
"It is if you do it before the shops are open," countered the prosecutor.
 

A man went to a restaurant and ordered soup. When the waitress came to give the soup to the man, he said, "Excuse me, I saw your thumb in my soup."
The waitress said, "Oh, it's okay. It wasn't hot."
 

Dentist: Stop making a face, I haven't even touched your teeth .
Tommy: I know, but you're stepping on my foot!
 

They say in the first part in the song Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer there are only 8 reindeer but there are really 12. First there is Rudolf, of course. Then there is Olive, Olive the other reindeer. Then there is Howe, and Howe the reindeer loved him. Then there is Andy, Andy shouted out with glee. There are 12 reindeer in all.
 

Tongue Twister: A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk but the stump thunk the skunk stunk!
 

Husband: Why don't you buy Christmas seals?
Wife: I really don't know how I'd feed them!
 

A mushroom walks into a bar and the waiter says, "You look like a fungi!"
 


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