Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

School Jokes

We've got lots of funny School jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What becomes smaller when you turn it upside down?
A. The number nine.

Q. Why can't you do a math test in the jungle?
A. There are too many cheetahs!

Q. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
A. "Watch the board and I'll go through it again."

Q. What do ducks use for math?
A. A QUACK-ulator !

Q. What kind of teacher passes gas?
A. A tutor!

Q. Why did the teacher draw on the window?
A. Because he wanted his lesson to be very clear!

Q. Why did the snake get a detention?
A. Because he was HISSpering!

Q. What object is king of the classroom?
A. The ruler!

Q. If I did this equation, 23x45+27x99= What answer would I get?
A. A very big number!

Q. Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
A. To reach the high notes!

Q. Why did the pencil cross the road first?
A. He was the LEADer!

Q. What did the calculator say to the other calculator?
A. "You can count on me!"

Q. What is a snake's favourite subject?
A. HISStory!

Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.

Q. What did the scientist say to the hydrogen atom that claimed it lost an electron?
A. "Are you positive?"

Q. What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A. The teacher says throw out that gum and a train says chew, chew!

Q. What is a math teacher's favourite dessert?
A. Pi!

Q. What's bigger when it's upside down?
A. A 6!

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. What tools do you need for math?
A. MultiPLIERS.

Q. What did the glue say to the teacher?
A. "I'm stuck on you."

Q. What's the difference between a train and a teacher?
A. The teacher says, "Spit your gum out" and the train says, "Choo-choo!"

Q. Why is 2+2=5 like your left foot?
A. It's not right.

Q. Why did the kid run to school?
A. Because he was chased by the spelling bee.

Q. Why is arithmetic hard work?
A. All those numerals you have to carry.

Q. Why did the students study in the aeroplane?
A. Because they wanted higher grades.

Q. Why did the teacher go to the beach?
A. To test the water.

Q. Why did the clock go to the principal's office?
A. For tocking too much!

Q. What is white when dirty and black when clean?
A. A blackboard.

Q. What did the cross eyed teacher say to the principal?
A. "I can't control my pupils!"

Q. Why did the student drown?
A. All her grades were below C-level!

Q. Why did the boy study on an airplane?
A. He wanted to get a higher education.

Q. What do you call a square that's been in an accident?
A. A WRECKtangle.

Q. I usually wear a yellow coat. I usually have a black tip and wherever I go I make marks. What am I?
A. A pencil.

Q. What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
A. A synonym roll.

Q. Where do pencils come from?
A. Pennsylvania.

Q. Why are school cafeteria workers cruel?
A. Because they batter fish, beat eggs, and whip cream.

Q. Why was the little bird punished?
A. It was caught peeping in school.

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. What's the worst thing that can happen to a geography teacher?
A. Getting lost.

Q. What did the student say after the teacher said, "Order students, order?"
A. "Can I have fries and a burger?"

Q. Why was the broom late for school?
A. He over swept.

Q. What do get when you cross one principal with another principal?
A. I wouldn't do it, principals don't like to be crossed!

Q. How did the teacher knit a suit of armor?
A. She used steel wool!

Q. What school teaches you to greet people?
A. High school.

Q. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
A. Because her students were bright!

Q. Why did the girl take a ladder to school?
A. Because she thought it was a high school.

Q. What is yellow on the outside and gray on the inside?
A. A school bus full of elephants!

Q. What happened to the Easter Bunny when he was naughty at school?
A. He was eggs-pelled!

Q. Where do New York City kids learn their multiplication tables?
A. Times Square.

Q. Why did the new boy steal a chair from the classroom?
A. Because the teacher told him to take a seat.

Q. What did the bully have for lunch?
A. He had a knuckle sandwich!

Q. Which bet can't be won?
A. Alphabet.

Q. Why do teachers give you homework?
A. Just to annoy you.

Q. Why did the jellybean go to school?
A. To become a smartie!

Q. Which building has the most stories?
A. Library!

Q. What do you need to go to high school?
A. A ladder.

Q. What happened when the teacher tied all the kids shoe laces together?
A. They had a class trip!

Q. Why did Goofy take a ladder to school?
A. Because he wanted to get to high school.

Q. Why was the music teacher not able to open his class room?
A. Because his keys were on the piano.

Q. Who invented King Arthur's round table?
A. Sir Cumference!

Q. What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
A. Pick them up and roll them back to her!

Q. Why was the math book unhappy?
A. Because he had too many problems!

Q. Why did Daniel go to the top of the school?
A. Because he wanted to go to high school.

Q. What did the student say to the math worksheet?
A. I'm not a therapist, solve your own problems!

Q. What school subject is a witch good at?
A. Spelling.

Q. What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?
A. Owlgebra.

Q. How did the ghost teach her class to go through the wall?
A. She went through it over and over.

Q. Where did the pencil go for vacation?
A. To Pennsylvania.

Q. Why doesn't the sun go to college?
A. Because it has a million degrees!

Q. Why didn't the class clown use hair oil the day before the big test?
A. Because he didn't want anything to slip his mind.

Q. Why did the square and triangle go to the gym?
A. To stay in shape!

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher with a tiger?
A. I don't know but you better behave in its class!

Q. What's the best place to grow flowers in school?
A. In kindergarden.

Q. Where do birds go to school?
A. High school.

Q. When is a blue school book not a blue school book?
A. When it is read!

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad we are out of school?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad there is no school on Saturday?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Broken pencil
Broken pencil who?
Oh, never mind it's pointless!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Justin
Justin who?
Just in time for school!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Canoe
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?

Jokes

Teacher: Mark can you tell me what you would like to be in the future?
Mark: I'd like to be a billionaire and be famous.
Teacher: Interesting, what about you Esther.
Esther: I'd like to be Mark's wife!
 

Teacher: Joe, can you name two pronouns?
Joe just waking up: Who, me?
 

Teacher: Who is smart? Put up your hand.
Then all the students except Ken raise their hand.
Teacher: Ken, why aren't you raising your hand?
Ken: Because if I raise my hand than you'll be all alone.
 

Teacher: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
Simon: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
 

Teacher: Order children, order!
Student 1: I want a burger!
Student 2: I want chocolate ice cream!
Student 3: I want Lasagne!
Teacher: Sheesh!
Students: (laughing) Sorry!!!
 

Teacher: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
Maria: Here it is.
Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
Class: Maria.
 

Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell Crocodile?
Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L.
Teacher: No, that's wrong.
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
 

Now I lay my head to rest
A pile of books upon my chest
If I shall die before I wake
That's one less test I have to take.
 

Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: No. I was standing on it.
 

Principal: Well, Ronald, I hear you missed the first day back to school.
Ronald: Yeah, but I didn't miss it very much.
 

Dad: Why is your test score so low?
Girl: Because of absence.
Dad: You were absent?
Girl: No, the girl next to me was.
 

If teachers are so smart then why are they in school?
 

A boy showed his mom his report card and said, "Mom I'm 3rd in my class."
The mom said, "Good job!"
Then the boy said, "But there are only three boys in my class!"
 

A teacher said to his students, "Give me a sentence with lettuce."
The students said, "Lettuce out of school early!"
 

Teacher: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say "I am beautiful," which tense is it?
Student: Obviously it is the past tense.
 

"Teacher, Teacher I need to pee!"
"Let me hear your ABC's."
"Okay, A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y and Z."
"Good job, except where is the P?"
"Halfway down my leg!"
 

Teacher: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
John: You told me to do it without using tables.
 

Mother: George, why does your geography exam have a big zero over it?
George: It is not a zero, Mum. The teacher ran out of stars, so she gave me a moon instead!
 

Mom: What did you learn on your first day of school?
Child: Not enough, they want me to come back tomorrow!
 

Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?
Student: That's not fair! You answered the easy ones and left me with the hard one!
 

Dear Teacher,

Roses are red
Voilets aren't gray
I give you this card
Now give me an A
From Jimmy
 

Teacher: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Clyde: No, sir. It's the same dog.
 

A teacher said to a student could you count to ten for me. This is what the kid said: "1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 10."
The teacher asked, "Where is 9."
"7 ate 9," said the student matter-of-factly.
 

Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria.
Socks can eat anywhere they want.
 

Headmaster: I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all your teachers. What have you been doing?
Johnny: Nothing, sir.
Headmaster: Exactly.
 

Teacher: Who was the first woman on earth?
Boy: I don't know?
Teacher: Think of the apple story.
Boy: I know, Granny Smith!
 

A small boy is asked to find out what the first 4 letters of the alphabet are for his homework.
"Mum, what's the first letter of the alphabet?"
"Shut up and go away," she replied.
The boy went to his dad. "Dad, what's the second letter of the alphabet?"
"YYYYEEEAAAHHH!!!" The boy's dad roared; football was on the TV and his team had scored.
"Brother, what is the third letter of the alphabet?" The boy asked his brother, who was playing with his action men.
"Action Man, the greatest hero of them all!" He cried.
"Sister, what is the fourth letter of the alphabet?" The boy's sister was playing with her Barbie dolls.
"Drive away in the Barbie car, beep, beep!" The boy's sister sang.

The next day in school the teacher asked the boy what the first letter was.
"Shut up and go away!" He replied.
"Do you want to see the head teacher?" Teacher yells.
"YEAH!!"
The boy is sent to the head teacher.
"Who do you think you are?" The headmaster shouts in his face.
"Action Man, the greatest hero of them all!"
"How do you think you're going to get away with this?"
"Drive away in the Barbie car, beep, beep!"
 

A teacher asked a boy a question after she had read her lesson. The boy just held his ears and shut his mouth
"Why are you not giving me any answer?"
"Because what ever you taught me goes in my ears and if I open my mouth, I will forget everything you said."
 

Teacher: Joey, I thought I told you to stand at the END of the line!
Joey: I tried, but someone was already standing there!
 

Stevie: Hey, Mom, I got a hundred in school today.
Mom: That's wonderful! What did you get a hundred in?
Stevie: In two things: I got forty in reading and sixty in spelling.
 


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