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School Jokes

We've got lots of funny School jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. Why is history the sweetest lesson?
A. Because it is full of dates.

Q. Why was the broom late for school?
A. He over swept.

Q. Why did the pencil cross the road first?
A. He was the LEADer!

Q. What is white when dirty and black when clean?
A. A blackboard.

Q. When is a blue school book not a blue school book?
A. When it is read!

Q. What can you call a math teacher?
A. A ruler.

Q. What do you call a boy with a dictionary in his pocket?
A. Smartie Pants!

Q. Where did the pencil go for vacation?
A. To Pennsylvania.

Q. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
A. Because her students were bright!

Q. What did the scientist say to the hydrogen atom that claimed it lost an electron?
A. "Are you positive?"

Q. How many letters are in the alphabet?
A. 11, T-H-E A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

Q. Why did the Cyclops close his school?
A. Because he only had one pupil.

Q. Why was the math book unhappy?
A. Because he had too many problems!

Q. What did the bully have for lunch?
A. He had a knuckle sandwich!

Q. What happened to the Easter Bunny when he was naughty at school?
A. He was eggs-pelled!

Q. Why do mathematicians like airlines?
A. They use Pi-lots.

Q. What object is king of the classroom?
A. The ruler!

Q. Where do pencils come from?
A. Pennsylvania.

Q. Why was the voice teacher so good at baseball?
A. Because she had the perfect pitch.

Q. Why did the square and triangle go to the gym?
A. To stay in shape!

Q. What is a snake's favourite subject?
A. HISStory!

Q. Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?
A. Because when you add four and four you get ate (eight).

Q. What do you do with dead elements?
A. Barium!

Q. Why did Daniel go to the top of the school?
A. Because he wanted to go to high school.

Q. What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A. The teacher says throw out that gum and a train says chew, chew!

Q. Why did the clock go to the principal's office?
A. For tocking too much!

Q. Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
A. To reach the high notes!

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.

Q. Which building has the most stories?
A. Library!

Q. Why did the students study in the aeroplane?
A. Because they wanted higher grades.

Q. Why did the girl take a ladder to school?
A. Because she thought it was a high school.

Q. Where do birds go to school?
A. High school.

Q. Why did the kid run to school?
A. Because he was chased by the spelling bee.

Q. What did the glue say to the teacher?
A. "I'm stuck on you."

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher with a tiger?
A. I don't know but you better behave in its class!

Q. Why is arithmetic hard work?
A. All those numerals you have to carry.

Q. Why are school cafeteria workers cruel?
A. Because they batter fish, beat eggs, and whip cream.

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. What did the calculator say to the other calculator?
A. "You can count on me!"

Q. Why is 2+2=5 like your left foot?
A. It's not right.

Q. What happened when the teacher tied all the kids shoe laces together?
A. They had a class trip!

Q. Why did the boy study on an airplane?
A. He wanted to get a higher education.

Q. Why did the teacher go to the beach?
A. To test the water.

Q. What did the cross eyed teacher say to the principal?
A. "I can't control my pupils!"

Q. Why did the children eat their homework?
A. Because their teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Q. Which bet can't be won?
A. Alphabet.

Q. What school teaches you to greet people?
A. High school.

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. Why did the jellybean go to school?
A. To become a smartie!

Q. Why did the snake get a detention?
A. Because he was HISSpering!

Q. What kind of teacher passes gas?
A. A tutor!

Q. What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
A. Pick them up and roll them back to her!

Q. Why doesn't the sun go to college?
A. Because it has a million degrees!

Q. What becomes smaller when you turn it upside down?
A. The number nine.

Q. Why can't you do a math test in the jungle?
A. There are too many cheetahs!

Q. Why was the little bird punished?
A. It was caught peeping in school.

Q. What do ducks use for math?
A. A QUACK-ulator !

Q. What's the difference between a train and a teacher?
A. The teacher says, "Spit your gum out" and the train says, "Choo-choo!"

Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. "I've got a lot of problems."

Q. How many sides does a circle have?
A. Two, inside and out.

Q. What do you need to go to high school?
A. A ladder.

Q. Why did Goofy take a ladder to school?
A. Because he wanted to get to high school.

Q. Who invented King Arthur's round table?
A. Sir Cumference!

Q. What did the student say to the math worksheet?
A. I'm not a therapist, solve your own problems!

Q. What do you call a square that's been in an accident?
A. A WRECKtangle.

Q. What's the best place to grow flowers in school?
A. In kindergarden.

Q. How did the teacher knit a suit of armor?
A. She used steel wool!

Q. What tools do you need for math?
A. MultiPLIERS.

Q. What is yellow on the outside and gray on the inside?
A. A school bus full of elephants!

Q. Why did the new boy steal a chair from the classroom?
A. Because the teacher told him to take a seat.

Q. What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?
A. Owlgebra.

Q. Why was the music teacher not able to open his class room?
A. Because his keys were on the piano.

Q. What do get when you cross one principal with another principal?
A. I wouldn't do it, principals don't like to be crossed!

Q. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
A. "Watch the board and I'll go through it again."

Q. Why didn't the class clown use hair oil the day before the big test?
A. Because he didn't want anything to slip his mind.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad we are out of school?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad there is no school on Saturday?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Broken pencil
Broken pencil who?
Oh, never mind it's pointless!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Justin
Justin who?
Just in time for school!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Canoe
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?

Jokes

Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria.
Socks can eat anywhere they want.
 

"Teacher, Teacher I need to pee!"
"Let me hear your ABC's."
"Okay, A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y and Z."
"Good job, except where is the P?"
"Halfway down my leg!"
 

Stevie: Hey, Mom, I got a hundred in school today.
Mom: That's wonderful! What did you get a hundred in?
Stevie: In two things: I got forty in reading and sixty in spelling.
 

A small boy is asked to find out what the first 4 letters of the alphabet are for his homework.
"Mum, what's the first letter of the alphabet?"
"Shut up and go away," she replied.
The boy went to his dad. "Dad, what's the second letter of the alphabet?"
"YYYYEEEAAAHHH!!!" The boy's dad roared; football was on the TV and his team had scored.
"Brother, what is the third letter of the alphabet?" The boy asked his brother, who was playing with his action men.
"Action Man, the greatest hero of them all!" He cried.
"Sister, what is the fourth letter of the alphabet?" The boy's sister was playing with her Barbie dolls.
"Drive away in the Barbie car, beep, beep!" The boy's sister sang.

The next day in school the teacher asked the boy what the first letter was.
"Shut up and go away!" He replied.
"Do you want to see the head teacher?" Teacher yells.
"YEAH!!"
The boy is sent to the head teacher.
"Who do you think you are?" The headmaster shouts in his face.
"Action Man, the greatest hero of them all!"
"How do you think you're going to get away with this?"
"Drive away in the Barbie car, beep, beep!"
 

A first grade teacher was telling her students the story of "Chicken Little." She got to the part when Chicken Little ran up to the Farmer saying, "The sky is falling. The sky is falling." Then the teacher paused and asked the kids what they thought the farmer said. One little girl raised her hand and the teacher called on her. The little girl then said, "I think the farmer said Holy cow, a talking chicken!"
 

Teacher: Fred, the story you handed in called "Our Dog," is exactly like your brother's.
Fred: Of course. It's the same dog.
 

A teacher says to a student, "I thought I told you to go to the back of the line?"
The student says, "I did, but someone was there!"
 

A teacher once asked a boy, "Where is the Dead Sea?"
The boy replied, "Miss, I never knew it was sick."
 

Teacher: Joey, I thought I told you to stand at the END of the line!
Joey: I tried, but someone was already standing there!
 

Joey: Little Joey can't come to school today.
Principal: Why?
Joey: He is sick
Principal: Who is this?
Joey: It's my dad.
 

Teacher: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
John: You told me to do it without using tables.
 

Teacher: Mark can you tell me what you would like to be in the future?
Mark: I'd like to be a billionaire and be famous.
Teacher: Interesting, what about you Esther.
Esther: I'd like to be Mark's wife!
 

Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell Crocodile?
Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L.
Teacher: No, that's wrong.
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
 

Teacher: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
Glen: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
 

Teacher: Who is smart? Put up your hand.
Then all the students except Ken raise their hand.
Teacher: Ken, why aren't you raising your hand?
Ken: Because if I raise my hand than you'll be all alone.
 

Student: The brain is a wonderful thing.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Student: Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you get asked a question in class!
 

Mother: George, why does your geography exam have a big zero over it?
George: It is not a zero, Mum. The teacher ran out of stars, so she gave me a moon instead!
 

A boy was told to write a 100 word essay. He thought for a bit then started. 'I went out to call my cat in for the night, so I called 'kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty...'
 

"Explain the theory of expansion and contraction," the teacher asked one of the pupils.
"A substance expands when it is heated and contracts when it is cooled."
"No wonder we have a long vacation in summer and a short one in winter," remarked another pupil.
 

Headmaster: I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all your teachers. What have you been doing?
Johnny: Nothing, sir.
Headmaster: Exactly.
 

A teacher asked a girl, "How was the Red Sea formed?"
The girl said, "Sorry Miss, I don't know who painted it."
 

Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom?
Little Johnny: But I asked first!
 

Teacher: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Clyde: No, sir. It's the same dog.
 

Student: Teacher, Teacher!
Teacher: Yes?
Student: Can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: After you recite the alphabet.
Student: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z!
Teacher: Where did the P go?
Student: It's running down my leg!
 

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the classroom. The teacher asked why are you arguing. One of the boys said, "We found a $10 bill and decided to give it to the person who tells the biggest lie."
The teacher said, "You should be ashamed of yourselves. When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie meant."
The two boys gave the $10 bill to the teacher.
 

There was a kid named Joey and he couldn't add, so when they had a test on addition he copied off John's paper. When he was finished with the test his teacher said: Joey why did you copy off John's paper?
Joey: I didn't.
Teacher: Yes you did.
Joey: How did you know?
Teacher: I knew because when John wrote, "I don't know," on question #6, you wrote, "me neither."
 

Teacher: If you had five apples on your desk and the boy next to you took two, what would you get?
Billy: A fight!
 

Teacher: Who was the first woman on earth?
Boy: I don't know?
Teacher: Think of the apple story.
Boy: I know, Granny Smith!
 

Shelly: Our teacher is a peach.
Kelly: You mean she is really nice?
Shelly: No, she has a heart of stone.
 

Teacher: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
Donald: H I J K L M N O.
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Donald: Yesterday you said it was H to O.
 


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