Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

School Jokes

We've got lots of funny School jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What's bigger when it's upside down?
A. A 6!

Q. What becomes smaller when you turn it upside down?
A. The number nine.

Q. Why is history the sweetest lesson?
A. Because it is full of dates.

Q. What happened when the teacher tied all the kids shoe laces together?
A. They had a class trip!

Q. Why is arithmetic hard work?
A. All those numerals you have to carry.

Q. Why do teachers give you homework?
A. Just to annoy you.

Q. Why did the new boy steal a chair from the classroom?
A. Because the teacher told him to take a seat.

Q. What happened to the Easter Bunny when he was naughty at school?
A. He was eggs-pelled!

Q. What did the glue say to the teacher?
A. "I'm stuck on you."

Q. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
A. Because her students were bright!

Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.

Q. What is a math teacher's favourite dessert?
A. Pi!

Q. Who invented King Arthur's round table?
A. Sir Cumference!

Q. How did the ghost teach her class to go through the wall?
A. She went through it over and over.

Q. What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?
A. Owlgebra.

Q. How many sides does a circle have?
A. Two, inside and out.

Q. Why did the children eat their homework?
A. Because their teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Q. Why is 2+2=5 like your left foot?
A. It's not right.

Q. What object is king of the classroom?
A. The ruler!

Q. Why did Goofy take a ladder to school?
A. Because he wanted to get to high school.

Q. Why was the little bird punished?
A. It was caught peeping in school.

Q. What did the calculator say to the other calculator?
A. "You can count on me!"

Q. What did the bully have for lunch?
A. He had a knuckle sandwich!

Q. What tools do you need for math?
A. MultiPLIERS.

Q. Which bet can't be won?
A. Alphabet.

Q. What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
A. Pick them up and roll them back to her!

Q. Where do birds go to school?
A. High school.

Q. Why did the student bring scissors to class?
A. He wanted to cut class!

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Q. What do you do with dead elements?
A. Barium!

Q. Why was the voice teacher so good at baseball?
A. Because she had the perfect pitch.

Q. Why did the students study in the aeroplane?
A. Because they wanted higher grades.

Q. What do you call a square that's been in an accident?
A. A WRECKtangle.

Q. Why did the snake get a detention?
A. Because he was HISSpering!

Q. Which building has the most stories?
A. Library!

Q. Why are school cafeteria workers cruel?
A. Because they batter fish, beat eggs, and whip cream.

Q. Why do mathematicians like airlines?
A. They use Pi-lots.

Q. Why did the girl take a ladder to school?
A. Because she thought it was a high school.

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A. The teacher says throw out that gum and a train says chew, chew!

Q. Why did the Cyclops close his school?
A. Because he only had one pupil.

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher with a tiger?
A. I don't know but you better behave in its class!

Q. When is a blue school book not a blue school book?
A. When it is read!

Q. What did the cross eyed teacher say to the principal?
A. "I can't control my pupils!"

Q. Why did the teacher draw on the window?
A. Because he wanted his lesson to be very clear!

Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. "I've got a lot of problems."

Q. What can you call a math teacher?
A. A ruler.

Q. What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
A. A synonym roll.

Q. Why did the student drown?
A. All her grades were below C-level!

Q. What school subject is a witch good at?
A. Spelling.

Q. Why did Daniel go to the top of the school?
A. Because he wanted to go to high school.

Q. What do ducks use for math?
A. A QUACK-ulator !

Q. Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?
A. Because when you add four and four you get ate (eight).

Q. Why did the teacher go to the beach?
A. To test the water.

Q. Why didn't the class clown use hair oil the day before the big test?
A. Because he didn't want anything to slip his mind.

Q. What's the best place to grow flowers in school?
A. In kindergarden.

Q. What is yellow on the outside and gray on the inside?
A. A school bus full of elephants!

Q. What do get when you cross one principal with another principal?
A. I wouldn't do it, principals don't like to be crossed!

Q. Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
A. To reach the high notes!

Q. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
A. "Watch the board and I'll go through it again."

Q. Why was the music teacher not able to open his class room?
A. Because his keys were on the piano.

Q. What do you call a boy with a dictionary in his pocket?
A. Smartie Pants!

Q. What's the worst thing that can happen to a geography teacher?
A. Getting lost.

Q. How many letters are in the alphabet?
A. 11, T-H-E A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

Q. What did the student say to the math worksheet?
A. I'm not a therapist, solve your own problems!

Q. Why can't you do a math test in the jungle?
A. There are too many cheetahs!

Q. What do you need to go to high school?
A. A ladder.

Q. What school teaches you to greet people?
A. High school.

Q. What did the student say after the teacher said, "Order students, order?"
A. "Can I have fries and a burger?"

Q. How did the teacher knit a suit of armor?
A. She used steel wool!

Q. Why did the jellybean go to school?
A. To become a smartie!

Q. Why did the pencil cross the road first?
A. He was the LEADer!

Q. Why was the broom late for school?
A. He over swept.

Q. If I did this equation, 23x45+27x99= What answer would I get?
A. A very big number!

Q. What kind of teacher passes gas?
A. A tutor!

Q. Why did the kid run to school?
A. Because he was chased by the spelling bee.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad we are out of school?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad there is no school on Saturday?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Broken pencil
Broken pencil who?
Oh, never mind it's pointless!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Justin
Justin who?
Just in time for school!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Canoe
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?

Jokes

Teacher: How do you spell Mississippi?
George: The state or the river?
 

A boy walked into his classroom late. "Why are you late?" the teacher asked.
"Because I saw a dead cat on the way to school," he said.
"How did you know it was dead?"
"I PSST in its ear."
"YOU DID WHAT!?"
"Yeah, I bent down and went PSST in its ear and it didn't move."
 

Student: The brain is a wonderful thing.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Student: Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you get asked a question in class!
 

Joey: Little Joey can't come to school today.
Principal: Why?
Joey: He is sick
Principal: Who is this?
Joey: It's my dad.
 

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the classroom. The teacher asked why are you arguing. One of the boys said, "We found a $10 bill and decided to give it to the person who tells the biggest lie."
The teacher said, "You should be ashamed of yourselves. When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie meant."
The two boys gave the $10 bill to the teacher.
 

Teacher: Nick, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?
Nick: What do you think it is, Sir?
Teacher: I don't think, I KNOW!
Nick: I don't think I know either, Sir!
 

Mom: Why aren't you doing well in history?
Child: Because the teacher keeps asking about things that happened before I was born!
 

A teacher said to his students, "Give me a sentence with lettuce."
The students said, "Lettuce out of school early!"
 

Teacher: Millie, give me a sentence starting with I.
Millie: I is...
Teacher: No, Millie. Always say I am.
Millie: All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
 

Teacher: Who was the first woman on earth?
Boy: I don't know?
Teacher: Think of the apple story.
Boy: I know, Granny Smith!
 

Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?
Student: That's not fair! You answered the easy ones and left me with the hard one!
 

The teacher to a student: Conjugate the verb "to walk" in simple present.
The student: I walk. You walk, ..
The teacher interrupts him: Quicker please.
The student: I run. You run.
 

Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom?
Little Johnny: But I asked first!
 

A boy showed his mom his report card and said, "Mom I'm 3rd in my class."
The mom said, "Good job!"
Then the boy said, "But there are only three boys in my class!"
 

Teacher: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
Glen: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
 

Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
Louie: Because George still had the axe in his hand?
 

Principal: Well, Ronald, I hear you missed the first day back to school.
Ronald: Yeah, but I didn't miss it very much.
 

Teacher: Fred, the story you handed in called "Our Dog," is exactly like your brother's.
Fred: Of course. It's the same dog.
 

Teacher: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
Winnie: Me!
 

A boy was told to write a 100 word essay. He thought for a bit then started. 'I went out to call my cat in for the night, so I called 'kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty...'
 

Teacher: Take a seat!
Student: Take it where?
 

Dear Teacher,

Roses are red
Voilets aren't gray
I give you this card
Now give me an A
From Jimmy
 

Teacher: Have you completed the work at home?
Student: No, sir.
Teacher (angrily): Why?
Student: Because my father has hired servants to do the work at home.
 

A teacher says to a student, "I thought I told you to go to the back of the line?"
The student says, "I did, but someone was there!"
 

Shelly: Our teacher is a peach.
Kelly: You mean she is really nice?
Shelly: No, she has a heart of stone.
 

Invisible Boy's Mother: Why are your grades so low?
Invisible Boy: Because the teacher always marks me absent.
 

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an I. Always put 'am' after an I.
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
 

Headmaster: I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all your teachers. What have you been doing?
Johnny: Nothing, sir.
Headmaster: Exactly.
 

A small boy is asked to find out what the first 4 letters of the alphabet are for his homework.
"Mum, what's the first letter of the alphabet?"
"Shut up and go away," she replied.
The boy went to his dad. "Dad, what's the second letter of the alphabet?"
"YYYYEEEAAAHHH!!!" The boy's dad roared; football was on the TV and his team had scored.
"Brother, what is the third letter of the alphabet?" The boy asked his brother, who was playing with his action men.
"Action Man, the greatest hero of them all!" He cried.
"Sister, what is the fourth letter of the alphabet?" The boy's sister was playing with her Barbie dolls.
"Drive away in the Barbie car, beep, beep!" The boy's sister sang.

The next day in school the teacher asked the boy what the first letter was.
"Shut up and go away!" He replied.
"Do you want to see the head teacher?" Teacher yells.
"YEAH!!"
The boy is sent to the head teacher.
"Who do you think you are?" The headmaster shouts in his face.
"Action Man, the greatest hero of them all!"
"How do you think you're going to get away with this?"
"Drive away in the Barbie car, beep, beep!"
 

Teacher: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
Simon: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
 


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