Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

School Jokes

We've got lots of funny School jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. Why didn't the class clown use hair oil the day before the big test?
A. Because he didn't want anything to slip his mind.

Q. What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
A. A synonym roll.

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. What do you do with dead elements?
A. Barium!

Q. What happened when the teacher tied all the kids shoe laces together?
A. They had a class trip!

Q. What happened to the Easter Bunny when he was naughty at school?
A. He was eggs-pelled!

Q. When is a blue school book not a blue school book?
A. When it is read!

Q. What kind of teacher passes gas?
A. A tutor!

Q. What do you call a boy with a dictionary in his pocket?
A. Smartie Pants!

Q. What did the student say to the math worksheet?
A. I'm not a therapist, solve your own problems!

Q. What's bigger when it's upside down?
A. A 6!

Q. Why was the broom late for school?
A. He over swept.

Q. What school teaches you to greet people?
A. High school.

Q. What did the bully have for lunch?
A. He had a knuckle sandwich!

Q. Why did the new boy steal a chair from the classroom?
A. Because the teacher told him to take a seat.

Q. Why did the kid run to school?
A. Because he was chased by the spelling bee.

Q. Why was the math book unhappy?
A. Because he had too many problems!

Q. Which building has the most stories?
A. Library!

Q. What's the best place to grow flowers in school?
A. In kindergarden.

Q. What is white when dirty and black when clean?
A. A blackboard.

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher with a tiger?
A. I don't know but you better behave in its class!

Q. Why did the student drown?
A. All her grades were below C-level!

Q. Why did the children eat their homework?
A. Because their teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.

Q. What did the calculator say to the other calculator?
A. "You can count on me!"

Q. What do get when you cross one principal with another principal?
A. I wouldn't do it, principals don't like to be crossed!

Q. What is a snake's favourite subject?
A. HISStory!

Q. Why do teachers give you homework?
A. Just to annoy you.

Q. What can you call a math teacher?
A. A ruler.

Q. What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
A. Pick them up and roll them back to her!

Q. Why did the square and triangle go to the gym?
A. To stay in shape!

Q. What do ducks use for math?
A. A QUACK-ulator !

Q. What's the difference between a train and a teacher?
A. The teacher says, "Spit your gum out" and the train says, "Choo-choo!"

Q. If I did this equation, 23x45+27x99= What answer would I get?
A. A very big number!

Q. How did the teacher knit a suit of armor?
A. She used steel wool!

Q. Why did the snake get a detention?
A. Because he was HISSpering!

Q. Why doesn't the sun go to college?
A. Because it has a million degrees!

Q. What school subject is a witch good at?
A. Spelling.

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Q. Why is history the sweetest lesson?
A. Because it is full of dates.

Q. Why did the pencil cross the road first?
A. He was the LEADer!

Q. Which bet can't be won?
A. Alphabet.

Q. What did the glue say to the teacher?
A. "I'm stuck on you."

Q. Who invented King Arthur's round table?
A. Sir Cumference!

Q. Why was the little bird punished?
A. It was caught peeping in school.

Q. What do you need to go to high school?
A. A ladder.

Q. Why did Goofy take a ladder to school?
A. Because he wanted to get to high school.

Q. Why did the student bring scissors to class?
A. He wanted to cut class!

Q. How many sides does a circle have?
A. Two, inside and out.

Q. What's the worst thing that can happen to a geography teacher?
A. Getting lost.

Q. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
A. Because her students were bright!

Q. What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?
A. Owlgebra.

Q. What is yellow on the outside and gray on the inside?
A. A school bus full of elephants!

Q. Why can't you do a math test in the jungle?
A. There are too many cheetahs!

Q. Why was the music teacher not able to open his class room?
A. Because his keys were on the piano.

Q. Why was the voice teacher so good at baseball?
A. Because she had the perfect pitch.

Q. Where do New York City kids learn their multiplication tables?
A. Times Square.

Q. Why did the students study in the aeroplane?
A. Because they wanted higher grades.

Q. Why did the teacher go to the beach?
A. To test the water.

Q. What becomes smaller when you turn it upside down?
A. The number nine.

Q. What is a math teacher's favourite dessert?
A. Pi!

Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. "I've got a lot of problems."

Q. Why do mathematicians like airlines?
A. They use Pi-lots.

Q. Why is arithmetic hard work?
A. All those numerals you have to carry.

Q. What did the scientist say to the hydrogen atom that claimed it lost an electron?
A. "Are you positive?"

Q. Why is 2+2=5 like your left foot?
A. It's not right.

Q. What did the cross eyed teacher say to the principal?
A. "I can't control my pupils!"

Q. What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A. The teacher says throw out that gum and a train says chew, chew!

Q. Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
A. To reach the high notes!

Q. Why did the teacher draw on the window?
A. Because he wanted his lesson to be very clear!

Q. How many letters are in the alphabet?
A. 11, T-H-E A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

Q. How did the ghost teach her class to go through the wall?
A. She went through it over and over.

Q. Why did Daniel go to the top of the school?
A. Because he wanted to go to high school.

Q. What object is king of the classroom?
A. The ruler!

Q. Where do birds go to school?
A. High school.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad we are out of school?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad there is no school on Saturday?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Broken pencil
Broken pencil who?
Oh, never mind it's pointless!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Justin
Justin who?
Just in time for school!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Canoe
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?

Jokes

Headmaster: I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all your teachers. What have you been doing?
Johnny: Nothing, sir.
Headmaster: Exactly.
 

Teacher: Give me a sentence with the word "fascinate" in it.
Student: If I had a sweater with ten buttons and two fell off, then I would only have to fascinate (fasten eight)!
 

Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your dad for another, how much would you have?
Boy: One dollar.
Teacher: Are you sure?
Boy: Yes, my dad wouldn't give me a dollar!
 

Teacher: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
Winnie: Me!
 

When Dad came home he was astonished to see Alec sitting on a horse writing something. "What on earth are you doing up there?" Dad asked.
"Well the teacher told us to write an essay on our favourite animal. That's why I'm up here and sitting on the goldfish bowl!"
 

Teacher: Mark can you tell me what you would like to be in the future?
Mark: I'd like to be a billionaire and be famous.
Teacher: Interesting, what about you Esther.
Esther: I'd like to be Mark's wife!
 

Mom: What did you learn on your first day of school?
Child: Not enough, they want me to come back tomorrow!
 

A teacher asked a girl, "How was the Red Sea formed?"
The girl said, "Sorry Miss, I don't know who painted it."
 

Art teacher: Mimi, I told the class to draw a horse and cart, but you have only drawn a horse!
Mimi: Yes sir, the horse will draw the cart!
 

Now I lay my head to rest
A pile of books upon my chest
If I shall die before I wake
That's one less test I have to take.
 

Teacher: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
Donald: H I J K L M N O.
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Donald: Yesterday you said it was H to O.
 

There was a kid named Joey and he couldn't add, so when they had a test on addition he copied off John's paper. When he was finished with the test his teacher said: Joey why did you copy off John's paper?
Joey: I didn't.
Teacher: Yes you did.
Joey: How did you know?
Teacher: I knew because when John wrote, "I don't know," on question #6, you wrote, "me neither."
 

"Explain the theory of expansion and contraction," the teacher asked one of the pupils.
"A substance expands when it is heated and contracts when it is cooled."
"No wonder we have a long vacation in summer and a short one in winter," remarked another pupil.
 

Teacher: Joey, I thought I told you to stand at the END of the line!
Joey: I tried, but someone was already standing there!
 

Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?
Student: That's not fair! You answered the easy ones and left me with the hard one!
 

Teacher: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Harold: A teacher.
 

Teacher: How many seconds in a minute?
Student: 60
Teacher: How many minutes in an hour?
Student: 60
Teacher: Good, now for a hard one, how many seconds in a year?
Student: 12
Teacher: 12?
Student: Yes, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd...
 

If teachers are so smart then why are they in school?
 

Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell Crocodile?
Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L.
Teacher: No, that's wrong.
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
 

Teacher: What is the purpose of having school?
Student: Without school, there wouldn't be a reason for holidays and summer vacation.
 

Student asking his teacher: Do you punish people for things they don't do?
Teacher: No.
Student: Good, because I haven't done my homework today.
 

There was a really dumb girl and she failed a test. Her teacher wanted her to come in after school and make it up. On the note home to her parents the teacher wrote: Make up test.
The following day the girl brought lipstick and eye shadow to school.
 

Teacher: Are you cold?
Student: Yes.
Teacher: Go sit in the corner it's 90 degrees!
 

Teacher: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say "I am beautiful," which tense is it?
Student: Obviously it is the past tense.
 

Invisible Boy's Mother: Why are your grades so low?
Invisible Boy: Because the teacher always marks me absent.
 

Teacher: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
Maria: Here it is.
Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
Class: Maria.
 

Joey: Little Joey can't come to school today.
Principal: Why?
Joey: He is sick
Principal: Who is this?
Joey: It's my dad.
 

It was the first day of school and the teacher asked all the troublemakers to stand up. Finally this girl stood up and the teacher asked, "Are you a troublemaker?"
The girl said, "No." The teacher asked why she was standing and the girl said, "You looked lonely."
 

Student: The brain is a wonderful thing.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Student: Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you get asked a question in class!
 

Dear Teacher,

Roses are red
Voilets aren't gray
I give you this card
Now give me an A
From Jimmy
 


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