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School Jokes

We've got lots of funny School jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. Why did the Cyclops close his school?
A. Because he only had one pupil.

Q. Why did the students study in the aeroplane?
A. Because they wanted higher grades.

Q. What is a snake's favourite subject?
A. HISStory!

Q. Why did the student drown?
A. All her grades were below C-level!

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Q. What do get when you cross one principal with another principal?
A. I wouldn't do it, principals don't like to be crossed!

Q. I usually wear a yellow coat. I usually have a black tip and wherever I go I make marks. What am I?
A. A pencil.

Q. What object is king of the classroom?
A. The ruler!

Q. Why was the voice teacher so good at baseball?
A. Because she had the perfect pitch.

Q. Why did the new boy steal a chair from the classroom?
A. Because the teacher told him to take a seat.

Q. What's bigger when it's upside down?
A. A 6!

Q. What can you call a math teacher?
A. A ruler.

Q. What's the worst thing that can happen to a geography teacher?
A. Getting lost.

Q. Why did the kid run to school?
A. Because he was chased by the spelling bee.

Q. Why did the square and triangle go to the gym?
A. To stay in shape!

Q. How did the ghost teach her class to go through the wall?
A. She went through it over and over.

Q. What happened when the teacher tied all the kids shoe laces together?
A. They had a class trip!

Q. What did the calculator say to the other calculator?
A. "You can count on me!"

Q. Why did the snake get a detention?
A. Because he was HISSpering!

Q. What do you call a square that's been in an accident?
A. A WRECKtangle.

Q. What school teaches you to greet people?
A. High school.

Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.

Q. What is white when dirty and black when clean?
A. A blackboard.

Q. What kind of teacher passes gas?
A. A tutor!

Q. Why did the clock go to the principal's office?
A. For tocking too much!

Q. Why did Daniel go to the top of the school?
A. Because he wanted to go to high school.

Q. What did the student say to the math worksheet?
A. I'm not a therapist, solve your own problems!

Q. What becomes smaller when you turn it upside down?
A. The number nine.

Q. Why did the student bring scissors to class?
A. He wanted to cut class!

Q. Where do birds go to school?
A. High school.

Q. What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A. The teacher says throw out that gum and a train says chew, chew!

Q. What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?
A. Owlgebra.

Q. What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
A. A synonym roll.

Q. Why are school cafeteria workers cruel?
A. Because they batter fish, beat eggs, and whip cream.

Q. Why was the music teacher not able to open his class room?
A. Because his keys were on the piano.

Q. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
A. Because her students were bright!

Q. Why was the math book unhappy?
A. Because he had too many problems!

Q. If I did this equation, 23x45+27x99= What answer would I get?
A. A very big number!

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. Why did the jellybean go to school?
A. To become a smartie!

Q. When is a blue school book not a blue school book?
A. When it is read!

Q. Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?
A. Because when you add four and four you get ate (eight).

Q. What do you do with dead elements?
A. Barium!

Q. What do you need to go to high school?
A. A ladder.

Q. Why did the teacher draw on the window?
A. Because he wanted his lesson to be very clear!

Q. Why was the little bird punished?
A. It was caught peeping in school.

Q. Why is history the sweetest lesson?
A. Because it is full of dates.

Q. Why did the pencil cross the road first?
A. He was the LEADer!

Q. Which building has the most stories?
A. Library!

Q. How many sides does a circle have?
A. Two, inside and out.

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher with a tiger?
A. I don't know but you better behave in its class!

Q. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
A. "Watch the board and I'll go through it again."

Q. What did the glue say to the teacher?
A. "I'm stuck on you."

Q. What is yellow on the outside and gray on the inside?
A. A school bus full of elephants!

Q. What did the bully have for lunch?
A. He had a knuckle sandwich!

Q. Why is arithmetic hard work?
A. All those numerals you have to carry.

Q. How many letters are in the alphabet?
A. 11, T-H-E A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

Q. Why didn't the class clown use hair oil the day before the big test?
A. Because he didn't want anything to slip his mind.

Q. What do ducks use for math?
A. A QUACK-ulator !

Q. Why do mathematicians like airlines?
A. They use Pi-lots.

Q. What's the difference between a train and a teacher?
A. The teacher says, "Spit your gum out" and the train says, "Choo-choo!"

Q. What did the scientist say to the hydrogen atom that claimed it lost an electron?
A. "Are you positive?"

Q. Who invented King Arthur's round table?
A. Sir Cumference!

Q. What do you call a boy with a dictionary in his pocket?
A. Smartie Pants!

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. Why did Goofy take a ladder to school?
A. Because he wanted to get to high school.

Q. Why did the teacher go to the beach?
A. To test the water.

Q. What happened to the Easter Bunny when he was naughty at school?
A. He was eggs-pelled!

Q. Why do teachers give you homework?
A. Just to annoy you.

Q. Which bet can't be won?
A. Alphabet.

Q. Why did the girl take a ladder to school?
A. Because she thought it was a high school.

Q. How did the teacher knit a suit of armor?
A. She used steel wool!

Q. Why is 2+2=5 like your left foot?
A. It's not right.

Q. What tools do you need for math?
A. MultiPLIERS.

Q. What did the cross eyed teacher say to the principal?
A. "I can't control my pupils!"

Q. Why doesn't the sun go to college?
A. Because it has a million degrees!

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad we are out of school?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad there is no school on Saturday?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Broken pencil
Broken pencil who?
Oh, never mind it's pointless!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Justin
Justin who?
Just in time for school!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Canoe
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?

Jokes

Teacher: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Clyde: No, sir. It's the same dog.
 

Student: The brain is a wonderful thing.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Student: Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you get asked a question in class!
 

A teacher said, "Children, stand in a straight circle!"
 

Teacher: Who was the first woman on earth?
Boy: I don't know?
Teacher: Think of the apple story.
Boy: I know, Granny Smith!
 

Teacher: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
John: You told me to do it without using tables.
 

Teacher: Millie, give me a sentence starting with I.
Millie: I is...
Teacher: No, Millie. Always say I am.
Millie: All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
 

A boy came home from school. "How much did you learn in school today?" His mother asked.
"Not enough, I have to go back again tomorrow."
 

Teacher: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
Simon: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
 

Teacher: Fred, the story you handed in called "Our Dog," is exactly like your brother's.
Fred: Of course. It's the same dog.
 

A boy was told to write a 100 word essay. He thought for a bit then started. 'I went out to call my cat in for the night, so I called 'kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty...'
 

"Explain the theory of expansion and contraction," the teacher asked one of the pupils.
"A substance expands when it is heated and contracts when it is cooled."
"No wonder we have a long vacation in summer and a short one in winter," remarked another pupil.
 

Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell Crocodile?
Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L.
Teacher: No, that's wrong.
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
 

Teacher: Joey, I thought I told you to stand at the END of the line!
Joey: I tried, but someone was already standing there!
 

Principal: Well, Ronald, I hear you missed the first day back to school.
Ronald: Yeah, but I didn't miss it very much.
 

Teacher: Order children, order!
Student 1: I want a burger!
Student 2: I want chocolate ice cream!
Student 3: I want Lasagne!
Teacher: Sheesh!
Students: (laughing) Sorry!!!
 

Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?
Student: That's not fair! You answered the easy ones and left me with the hard one!
 

Teacher: How do you spell Mississippi?
George: The state or the river?
 

Now I lay my head to rest
A pile of books upon my chest
If I shall die before I wake
That's one less test I have to take.
 

Art teacher: Mimi, I told the class to draw a horse and cart, but you have only drawn a horse!
Mimi: Yes sir, the horse will draw the cart!
 

Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
Louie: Because George still had the axe in his hand?
 

Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria.
Socks can eat anywhere they want.
 

A teacher once asked a boy, "Where is the Dead Sea?"
The boy replied, "Miss, I never knew it was sick."
 

A teacher asked her first grade class to bring their birth certificates to class. When the time came to give them to her, David stood up and said very politely, "Teacher, I forgot my excuse for being born."
 

There was a kid named Joey and he couldn't add, so when they had a test on addition he copied off John's paper. When he was finished with the test his teacher said: Joey why did you copy off John's paper?
Joey: I didn't.
Teacher: Yes you did.
Joey: How did you know?
Teacher: I knew because when John wrote, "I don't know," on question #6, you wrote, "me neither."
 

Headmaster: I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all your teachers. What have you been doing?
Johnny: Nothing, sir.
Headmaster: Exactly.
 

Dear Teacher,

Roses are red
Voilets aren't gray
I give you this card
Now give me an A
From Jimmy
 

Mother: George, why does your geography exam have a big zero over it?
George: It is not a zero, Mum. The teacher ran out of stars, so she gave me a moon instead!
 

Teacher: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
Glen: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
 

It was the first day of school and the teacher asked all the troublemakers to stand up. Finally this girl stood up and the teacher asked, "Are you a troublemaker?"
The girl said, "No." The teacher asked why she was standing and the girl said, "You looked lonely."
 

If teachers are so smart then why are they in school?
 


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