Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

School Jokes

We've got lots of funny School jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What's the difference between a train and a teacher?
A. The teacher says, "Spit your gum out" and the train says, "Choo-choo!"

Q. Why did the teacher draw on the window?
A. Because he wanted his lesson to be very clear!

Q. What school teaches you to greet people?
A. High school.

Q. Why did the square and triangle go to the gym?
A. To stay in shape!

Q. What did the glue say to the teacher?
A. "I'm stuck on you."

Q. Why was the voice teacher so good at baseball?
A. Because she had the perfect pitch.

Q. What is white when dirty and black when clean?
A. A blackboard.

Q. Why did the boy study on an airplane?
A. He wanted to get a higher education.

Q. What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?
A. Owlgebra.

Q. What can you call a math teacher?
A. A ruler.

Q. Why did the teacher go to the beach?
A. To test the water.

Q. Why did the snake get a detention?
A. Because he was HISSpering!

Q. What did the calculator say to the other calculator?
A. "You can count on me!"

Q. What do you call a boy with a dictionary in his pocket?
A. Smartie Pants!

Q. Where do New York City kids learn their multiplication tables?
A. Times Square.

Q. Where do birds go to school?
A. High school.

Q. Why did the children eat their homework?
A. Because their teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Q. Why didn't the class clown use hair oil the day before the big test?
A. Because he didn't want anything to slip his mind.

Q. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
A. "Watch the board and I'll go through it again."

Q. What did the bully have for lunch?
A. He had a knuckle sandwich!

Q. Why did Goofy take a ladder to school?
A. Because he wanted to get to high school.

Q. What do you call a square that's been in an accident?
A. A WRECKtangle.

Q. Which bet can't be won?
A. Alphabet.

Q. Why do mathematicians like airlines?
A. They use Pi-lots.

Q. Why is arithmetic hard work?
A. All those numerals you have to carry.

Q. Which building has the most stories?
A. Library!

Q. Why can't you do a math test in the jungle?
A. There are too many cheetahs!

Q. Why was the little bird punished?
A. It was caught peeping in school.

Q. Why did the students study in the aeroplane?
A. Because they wanted higher grades.

Q. What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
A. A synonym roll.

Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. "I've got a lot of problems."

Q. Why did the girl take a ladder to school?
A. Because she thought it was a high school.

Q. Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
A. To reach the high notes!

Q. Why was the math book unhappy?
A. Because he had too many problems!

Q. Who invented King Arthur's round table?
A. Sir Cumference!

Q. What do you do with dead elements?
A. Barium!

Q. Why is history the sweetest lesson?
A. Because it is full of dates.

Q. If I did this equation, 23x45+27x99= What answer would I get?
A. A very big number!

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. What's the best place to grow flowers in school?
A. In kindergarden.

Q. What tools do you need for math?
A. MultiPLIERS.

Q. Why did the kid run to school?
A. Because he was chased by the spelling bee.

Q. How did the teacher knit a suit of armor?
A. She used steel wool!

Q. Why was the music teacher not able to open his class room?
A. Because his keys were on the piano.

Q. Why doesn't the sun go to college?
A. Because it has a million degrees!

Q. Why are school cafeteria workers cruel?
A. Because they batter fish, beat eggs, and whip cream.

Q. How did the ghost teach her class to go through the wall?
A. She went through it over and over.

Q. Why did Daniel go to the top of the school?
A. Because he wanted to go to high school.

Q. What kind of teacher passes gas?
A. A tutor!

Q. What did the scientist say to the hydrogen atom that claimed it lost an electron?
A. "Are you positive?"

Q. Why is 2+2=5 like your left foot?
A. It's not right.

Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.

Q. Why did the student drown?
A. All her grades were below C-level!

Q. Where did the pencil go for vacation?
A. To Pennsylvania.

Q. What's bigger when it's upside down?
A. A 6!

Q. What happened to the Easter Bunny when he was naughty at school?
A. He was eggs-pelled!

Q. Why do teachers give you homework?
A. Just to annoy you.

Q. What did the student say after the teacher said, "Order students, order?"
A. "Can I have fries and a burger?"

Q. What becomes smaller when you turn it upside down?
A. The number nine.

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher with a tiger?
A. I don't know but you better behave in its class!

Q. What do ducks use for math?
A. A QUACK-ulator !

Q. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
A. Because her students were bright!

Q. What did the cross eyed teacher say to the principal?
A. "I can't control my pupils!"

Q. Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?
A. Because when you add four and four you get ate (eight).

Q. What do get when you cross one principal with another principal?
A. I wouldn't do it, principals don't like to be crossed!

Q. Why was the broom late for school?
A. He over swept.

Q. Where do pencils come from?
A. Pennsylvania.

Q. What school subject is a witch good at?
A. Spelling.

Q. What is yellow on the outside and gray on the inside?
A. A school bus full of elephants!

Q. What is a snake's favourite subject?
A. HISStory!

Q. When is a blue school book not a blue school book?
A. When it is read!

Q. Why did the pencil cross the road first?
A. He was the LEADer!

Q. Why did the jellybean go to school?
A. To become a smartie!

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. What happened when the teacher tied all the kids shoe laces together?
A. They had a class trip!

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad we are out of school?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad there is no school on Saturday?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Broken pencil
Broken pencil who?
Oh, never mind it's pointless!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Justin
Justin who?
Just in time for school!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Canoe
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?

Jokes

Teacher: Joey, I thought I told you to stand at the END of the line!
Joey: I tried, but someone was already standing there!
 

Teacher: If you had five apples on your desk and the boy next to you took two, what would you get?
Billy: A fight!
 

Student: The brain is a wonderful thing.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Student: Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you get asked a question in class!
 

A first grade teacher was telling her students the story of "Chicken Little." She got to the part when Chicken Little ran up to the Farmer saying, "The sky is falling. The sky is falling." Then the teacher paused and asked the kids what they thought the farmer said. One little girl raised her hand and the teacher called on her. The little girl then said, "I think the farmer said Holy cow, a talking chicken!"
 

Art teacher: Mimi, I told the class to draw a horse and cart, but you have only drawn a horse!
Mimi: Yes sir, the horse will draw the cart!
 

Dad: Why is your test score so low?
Girl: Because of absence.
Dad: You were absent?
Girl: No, the girl next to me was.
 

Now I lay my head to rest
A pile of books upon my chest
If I shall die before I wake
That's one less test I have to take.
 

Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria.
Socks can eat anywhere they want.
 

A teacher says to a student, "I thought I told you to go to the back of the line?"
The student says, "I did, but someone was there!"
 

Mom: What did you learn on your first day of school?
Child: Not enough, they want me to come back tomorrow!
 

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an I. Always put 'am' after an I.
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
 

There was a really dumb girl and she failed a test. Her teacher wanted her to come in after school and make it up. On the note home to her parents the teacher wrote: Make up test.
The following day the girl brought lipstick and eye shadow to school.
 

Principal: Well, Ronald, I hear you missed the first day back to school.
Ronald: Yeah, but I didn't miss it very much.
 

Teacher: Take a seat!
Student: Take it where?
 

A boy was told to write a 100 word essay. He thought for a bit then started. 'I went out to call my cat in for the night, so I called 'kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty...'
 

Teacher: What is the purpose of having school?
Student: Without school, there wouldn't be a reason for holidays and summer vacation.
 

When Dad came home he was astonished to see Alec sitting on a horse writing something. "What on earth are you doing up there?" Dad asked.
"Well the teacher told us to write an essay on our favourite animal. That's why I'm up here and sitting on the goldfish bowl!"
 

Student: Teacher, Teacher!
Teacher: Yes?
Student: Can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: After you recite the alphabet.
Student: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z!
Teacher: Where did the P go?
Student: It's running down my leg!
 

A boy came home from school. "How much did you learn in school today?" His mother asked.
"Not enough, I have to go back again tomorrow."
 

Student asking his teacher: Do you punish people for things they don't do?
Teacher: No.
Student: Good, because I haven't done my homework today.
 

Joey: Little Joey can't come to school today.
Principal: Why?
Joey: He is sick
Principal: Who is this?
Joey: It's my dad.
 

Teacher: How many seconds in a minute?
Student: 60
Teacher: How many minutes in an hour?
Student: 60
Teacher: Good, now for a hard one, how many seconds in a year?
Student: 12
Teacher: 12?
Student: Yes, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd...
 

Teacher: Joe, can you name two pronouns?
Joe just waking up: Who, me?
 

Teacher: Fred, the story you handed in called "Our Dog," is exactly like your brother's.
Fred: Of course. It's the same dog.
 

A boy showed his mom his report card and said, "Mom I'm 3rd in my class."
The mom said, "Good job!"
Then the boy said, "But there are only three boys in my class!"
 

Stevie: Hey, Mom, I got a hundred in school today.
Mom: That's wonderful! What did you get a hundred in?
Stevie: In two things: I got forty in reading and sixty in spelling.
 

Teacher: Mark can you tell me what you would like to be in the future?
Mark: I'd like to be a billionaire and be famous.
Teacher: Interesting, what about you Esther.
Esther: I'd like to be Mark's wife!
 

Headmaster: I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all your teachers. What have you been doing?
Johnny: Nothing, sir.
Headmaster: Exactly.
 

Teacher: Who is smart? Put up your hand.
Then all the students except Ken raise their hand.
Teacher: Ken, why aren't you raising your hand?
Ken: Because if I raise my hand than you'll be all alone.
 

Teacher: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
Donald: H I J K L M N O.
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Donald: Yesterday you said it was H to O.
 


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