Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

School Jokes

We've got lots of funny School jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. Why was the math book unhappy?
A. Because he had too many problems!

Q. What happened when the teacher tied all the kids shoe laces together?
A. They had a class trip!

Q. What's bigger when it's upside down?
A. A 6!

Q. Why did the kid run to school?
A. Because he was chased by the spelling bee.

Q. What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?
A. Owlgebra.

Q. Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
A. To reach the high notes!

Q. What did the scientist say to the hydrogen atom that claimed it lost an electron?
A. "Are you positive?"

Q. I usually wear a yellow coat. I usually have a black tip and wherever I go I make marks. What am I?
A. A pencil.

Q. Why didn't the class clown use hair oil the day before the big test?
A. Because he didn't want anything to slip his mind.

Q. When is a blue school book not a blue school book?
A. When it is read!

Q. Why did the clock go to the principal's office?
A. For tocking too much!

Q. Where do birds go to school?
A. High school.

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher with a tiger?
A. I don't know but you better behave in its class!

Q. Why are school cafeteria workers cruel?
A. Because they batter fish, beat eggs, and whip cream.

Q. What did the calculator say to the other calculator?
A. "You can count on me!"

Q. Why did the children eat their homework?
A. Because their teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Q. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
A. "Watch the board and I'll go through it again."

Q. Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?
A. Because when you add four and four you get ate (eight).

Q. What do ducks use for math?
A. A QUACK-ulator !

Q. What is a snake's favourite subject?
A. HISStory!

Q. How did the teacher knit a suit of armor?
A. She used steel wool!

Q. What do you need to go to high school?
A. A ladder.

Q. What happened to the Easter Bunny when he was naughty at school?
A. He was eggs-pelled!

Q. Why did the jellybean go to school?
A. To become a smartie!

Q. What is yellow on the outside and gray on the inside?
A. A school bus full of elephants!

Q. How many sides does a circle have?
A. Two, inside and out.

Q. What do get when you cross one principal with another principal?
A. I wouldn't do it, principals don't like to be crossed!

Q. What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
A. A synonym roll.

Q. Why did the students study in the aeroplane?
A. Because they wanted higher grades.

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. What do you do with dead elements?
A. Barium!

Q. What do you call a boy with a dictionary in his pocket?
A. Smartie Pants!

Q. Where do pencils come from?
A. Pennsylvania.

Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.

Q. Why did the Cyclops close his school?
A. Because he only had one pupil.

Q. Why did the teacher draw on the window?
A. Because he wanted his lesson to be very clear!

Q. What's the difference between a train and a teacher?
A. The teacher says, "Spit your gum out" and the train says, "Choo-choo!"

Q. How many letters are in the alphabet?
A. 11, T-H-E A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. Why was the broom late for school?
A. He over swept.

Q. What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A. The teacher says throw out that gum and a train says chew, chew!

Q. What tools do you need for math?
A. MultiPLIERS.

Q. What object is king of the classroom?
A. The ruler!

Q. Why did the boy study on an airplane?
A. He wanted to get a higher education.

Q. What's the best place to grow flowers in school?
A. In kindergarden.

Q. Why did the snake get a detention?
A. Because he was HISSpering!

Q. Which bet can't be won?
A. Alphabet.

Q. Why doesn't the sun go to college?
A. Because it has a million degrees!

Q. What can you call a math teacher?
A. A ruler.

Q. What did the glue say to the teacher?
A. "I'm stuck on you."

Q. Why did the pencil cross the road first?
A. He was the LEADer!

Q. Why was the voice teacher so good at baseball?
A. Because she had the perfect pitch.

Q. Why was the little bird punished?
A. It was caught peeping in school.

Q. What did the cross eyed teacher say to the principal?
A. "I can't control my pupils!"

Q. Why do mathematicians like airlines?
A. They use Pi-lots.

Q. If I did this equation, 23x45+27x99= What answer would I get?
A. A very big number!

Q. What school subject is a witch good at?
A. Spelling.

Q. What is white when dirty and black when clean?
A. A blackboard.

Q. What's the worst thing that can happen to a geography teacher?
A. Getting lost.

Q. What did the student say to the math worksheet?
A. I'm not a therapist, solve your own problems!

Q. What did the bully have for lunch?
A. He had a knuckle sandwich!

Q. Why did the student bring scissors to class?
A. He wanted to cut class!

Q. What is a math teacher's favourite dessert?
A. Pi!

Q. Why did the square and triangle go to the gym?
A. To stay in shape!

Q. Why did the new boy steal a chair from the classroom?
A. Because the teacher told him to take a seat.

Q. Which building has the most stories?
A. Library!

Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. "I've got a lot of problems."

Q. Why is history the sweetest lesson?
A. Because it is full of dates.

Q. What kind of teacher passes gas?
A. A tutor!

Q. Why is arithmetic hard work?
A. All those numerals you have to carry.

Q. What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
A. Pick them up and roll them back to her!

Q. Why did Daniel go to the top of the school?
A. Because he wanted to go to high school.

Q. What do you call a square that's been in an accident?
A. A WRECKtangle.

Q. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
A. Because her students were bright!

Q. Why did the teacher go to the beach?
A. To test the water.

Q. What school teaches you to greet people?
A. High school.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad we are out of school?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad there is no school on Saturday?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Broken pencil
Broken pencil who?
Oh, never mind it's pointless!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Justin
Justin who?
Just in time for school!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Canoe
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?

Jokes

Teacher: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
Simon: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
 

Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
Louie: Because George still had the axe in his hand?
 

Student: Teacher, Teacher!
Teacher: Yes?
Student: Can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: After you recite the alphabet.
Student: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z!
Teacher: Where did the P go?
Student: It's running down my leg!
 

Teacher: Order children, order!
Student 1: I want a burger!
Student 2: I want chocolate ice cream!
Student 3: I want Lasagne!
Teacher: Sheesh!
Students: (laughing) Sorry!!!
 

A boy came home from school. "How much did you learn in school today?" His mother asked.
"Not enough, I have to go back again tomorrow."
 

Teacher: Nick, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?
Nick: What do you think it is, Sir?
Teacher: I don't think, I KNOW!
Nick: I don't think I know either, Sir!
 

Teacher: What is the purpose of having school?
Student: Without school, there wouldn't be a reason for holidays and summer vacation.
 

Teacher: Joey, I thought I told you to stand at the END of the line!
Joey: I tried, but someone was already standing there!
 

Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?
Student: That's not fair! You answered the easy ones and left me with the hard one!
 

Teacher: Who was the first woman on earth?
Boy: I don't know?
Teacher: Think of the apple story.
Boy: I know, Granny Smith!
 

Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your dad for another, how much would you have?
Boy: One dollar.
Teacher: Are you sure?
Boy: Yes, my dad wouldn't give me a dollar!
 

Dad: Why is your test score so low?
Girl: Because of absence.
Dad: You were absent?
Girl: No, the girl next to me was.
 

A teacher asked a boy a question after she had read her lesson. The boy just held his ears and shut his mouth
"Why are you not giving me any answer?"
"Because what ever you taught me goes in my ears and if I open my mouth, I will forget everything you said."
 

Principal: Well, Ronald, I hear you missed the first day back to school.
Ronald: Yeah, but I didn't miss it very much.
 

Invisible Boy's Mother: Why are your grades so low?
Invisible Boy: Because the teacher always marks me absent.
 

Teacher: Who is smart? Put up your hand.
Then all the students except Ken raise their hand.
Teacher: Ken, why aren't you raising your hand?
Ken: Because if I raise my hand than you'll be all alone.
 

There was a really dumb girl and she failed a test. Her teacher wanted her to come in after school and make it up. On the note home to her parents the teacher wrote: Make up test.
The following day the girl brought lipstick and eye shadow to school.
 

There was a kid named Joey and he couldn't add, so when they had a test on addition he copied off John's paper. When he was finished with the test his teacher said: Joey why did you copy off John's paper?
Joey: I didn't.
Teacher: Yes you did.
Joey: How did you know?
Teacher: I knew because when John wrote, "I don't know," on question #6, you wrote, "me neither."
 

Teacher: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
Maria: Here it is.
Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
Class: Maria.
 

Stevie: Hey, Mom, I got a hundred in school today.
Mom: That's wonderful! What did you get a hundred in?
Stevie: In two things: I got forty in reading and sixty in spelling.
 

A teacher says to a student, "I thought I told you to go to the back of the line?"
The student says, "I did, but someone was there!"
 

Joey: Little Joey can't come to school today.
Principal: Why?
Joey: He is sick
Principal: Who is this?
Joey: It's my dad.
 

Teacher: Have you completed the work at home?
Student: No, sir.
Teacher (angrily): Why?
Student: Because my father has hired servants to do the work at home.
 

Mother: George, why does your geography exam have a big zero over it?
George: It is not a zero, Mum. The teacher ran out of stars, so she gave me a moon instead!
 

A first grade teacher was telling her students the story of "Chicken Little." She got to the part when Chicken Little ran up to the Farmer saying, "The sky is falling. The sky is falling." Then the teacher paused and asked the kids what they thought the farmer said. One little girl raised her hand and the teacher called on her. The little girl then said, "I think the farmer said Holy cow, a talking chicken!"
 

A teacher asked a girl, "How was the Red Sea formed?"
The girl said, "Sorry Miss, I don't know who painted it."
 

Student asking his teacher: Do you punish people for things they don't do?
Teacher: No.
Student: Good, because I haven't done my homework today.
 

Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell Crocodile?
Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L.
Teacher: No, that's wrong.
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
 

"Explain the theory of expansion and contraction," the teacher asked one of the pupils.
"A substance expands when it is heated and contracts when it is cooled."
"No wonder we have a long vacation in summer and a short one in winter," remarked another pupil.
 

A teacher said to a student could you count to ten for me. This is what the kid said: "1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 10."
The teacher asked, "Where is 9."
"7 ate 9," said the student matter-of-factly.
 


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