Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

School Jokes

We've got lots of funny School jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What's bigger when it's upside down?
A. A 6!

Q. Why did the snake get a detention?
A. Because he was HISSpering!

Q. Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?
A. Because when you add four and four you get ate (eight).

Q. Why didn't the class clown use hair oil the day before the big test?
A. Because he didn't want anything to slip his mind.

Q. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
A. "Watch the board and I'll go through it again."

Q. How many sides does a circle have?
A. Two, inside and out.

Q. What did the scientist say to the hydrogen atom that claimed it lost an electron?
A. "Are you positive?"

Q. Who invented King Arthur's round table?
A. Sir Cumference!

Q. Why was the little bird punished?
A. It was caught peeping in school.

Q. What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?
A. Owlgebra.

Q. What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
A. A synonym roll.

Q. What can you call a math teacher?
A. A ruler.

Q. What did the calculator say to the other calculator?
A. "You can count on me!"

Q. What school subject is a witch good at?
A. Spelling.

Q. Why do mathematicians like airlines?
A. They use Pi-lots.

Q. What happened to the Easter Bunny when he was naughty at school?
A. He was eggs-pelled!

Q. What is white when dirty and black when clean?
A. A blackboard.

Q. What do you call a boy with a dictionary in his pocket?
A. Smartie Pants!

Q. What is a math teacher's favourite dessert?
A. Pi!

Q. What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A. The teacher says throw out that gum and a train says chew, chew!

Q. What did the cross eyed teacher say to the principal?
A. "I can't control my pupils!"

Q. Where do birds go to school?
A. High school.

Q. What happened when the teacher tied all the kids shoe laces together?
A. They had a class trip!

Q. What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
A. Pick them up and roll them back to her!

Q. Why did the student drown?
A. All her grades were below C-level!

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Q. Why is 2+2=5 like your left foot?
A. It's not right.

Q. Why is arithmetic hard work?
A. All those numerals you have to carry.

Q. If I did this equation, 23x45+27x99= What answer would I get?
A. A very big number!

Q. Why did the new boy steal a chair from the classroom?
A. Because the teacher told him to take a seat.

Q. Why can't you do a math test in the jungle?
A. There are too many cheetahs!

Q. Why did the kid run to school?
A. Because he was chased by the spelling bee.

Q. Why did Goofy take a ladder to school?
A. Because he wanted to get to high school.

Q. What is a snake's favourite subject?
A. HISStory!

Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.

Q. What kind of teacher passes gas?
A. A tutor!

Q. What do get when you cross one principal with another principal?
A. I wouldn't do it, principals don't like to be crossed!

Q. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
A. Because her students were bright!

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. What did the glue say to the teacher?
A. "I'm stuck on you."

Q. Why are school cafeteria workers cruel?
A. Because they batter fish, beat eggs, and whip cream.

Q. What's the difference between a train and a teacher?
A. The teacher says, "Spit your gum out" and the train says, "Choo-choo!"

Q. Where do New York City kids learn their multiplication tables?
A. Times Square.

Q. Why did the teacher go to the beach?
A. To test the water.

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher with a tiger?
A. I don't know but you better behave in its class!

Q. Why doesn't the sun go to college?
A. Because it has a million degrees!

Q. Why do teachers give you homework?
A. Just to annoy you.

Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. "I've got a lot of problems."

Q. Why is history the sweetest lesson?
A. Because it is full of dates.

Q. How did the ghost teach her class to go through the wall?
A. She went through it over and over.

Q. When is a blue school book not a blue school book?
A. When it is read!

Q. Why did the students study in the aeroplane?
A. Because they wanted higher grades.

Q. What do ducks use for math?
A. A QUACK-ulator !

Q. What's the best place to grow flowers in school?
A. In kindergarden.

Q. What do you do with dead elements?
A. Barium!

Q. What did the student say after the teacher said, "Order students, order?"
A. "Can I have fries and a burger?"

Q. What do you need to go to high school?
A. A ladder.

Q. What school teaches you to greet people?
A. High school.

Q. How did the teacher knit a suit of armor?
A. She used steel wool!

Q. What did the bully have for lunch?
A. He had a knuckle sandwich!

Q. Why did the Cyclops close his school?
A. Because he only had one pupil.

Q. Why did the children eat their homework?
A. Because their teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Q. Why did the pencil cross the road first?
A. He was the LEADer!

Q. Why was the music teacher not able to open his class room?
A. Because his keys were on the piano.

Q. Where did the pencil go for vacation?
A. To Pennsylvania.

Q. What becomes smaller when you turn it upside down?
A. The number nine.

Q. Why did the student bring scissors to class?
A. He wanted to cut class!

Q. What did the student say to the math worksheet?
A. I'm not a therapist, solve your own problems!

Q. What's the worst thing that can happen to a geography teacher?
A. Getting lost.

Q. Which building has the most stories?
A. Library!

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. I usually wear a yellow coat. I usually have a black tip and wherever I go I make marks. What am I?
A. A pencil.

Q. Why did Daniel go to the top of the school?
A. Because he wanted to go to high school.

Q. What object is king of the classroom?
A. The ruler!

Q. Where do pencils come from?
A. Pennsylvania.

Q. Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
A. To reach the high notes!

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad we are out of school?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad there is no school on Saturday?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Broken pencil
Broken pencil who?
Oh, never mind it's pointless!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Justin
Justin who?
Just in time for school!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Canoe
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?

Jokes

A teacher once asked a boy, "Where is the Dead Sea?"
The boy replied, "Miss, I never knew it was sick."
 

Student: Teacher, Teacher!
Teacher: Yes?
Student: Can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: After you recite the alphabet.
Student: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z!
Teacher: Where did the P go?
Student: It's running down my leg!
 

A teacher asked a boy a question after she had read her lesson. The boy just held his ears and shut his mouth
"Why are you not giving me any answer?"
"Because what ever you taught me goes in my ears and if I open my mouth, I will forget everything you said."
 

There was a kid named Joey and he couldn't add, so when they had a test on addition he copied off John's paper. When he was finished with the test his teacher said: Joey why did you copy off John's paper?
Joey: I didn't.
Teacher: Yes you did.
Joey: How did you know?
Teacher: I knew because when John wrote, "I don't know," on question #6, you wrote, "me neither."
 

A teacher said to a student could you count to ten for me. This is what the kid said: "1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 10."
The teacher asked, "Where is 9."
"7 ate 9," said the student matter-of-factly.
 

Teacher: Have you completed the work at home?
Student: No, sir.
Teacher (angrily): Why?
Student: Because my father has hired servants to do the work at home.
 

Teacher: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say "I am beautiful," which tense is it?
Student: Obviously it is the past tense.
 

A teacher asked her first grade class to bring their birth certificates to class. When the time came to give them to her, David stood up and said very politely, "Teacher, I forgot my excuse for being born."
 

A first grade teacher was telling her students the story of "Chicken Little." She got to the part when Chicken Little ran up to the Farmer saying, "The sky is falling. The sky is falling." Then the teacher paused and asked the kids what they thought the farmer said. One little girl raised her hand and the teacher called on her. The little girl then said, "I think the farmer said Holy cow, a talking chicken!"
 

Student: The brain is a wonderful thing.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Student: Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you get asked a question in class!
 

Teacher: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Harold: A teacher.
 

Teacher: Fred, the story you handed in called "Our Dog," is exactly like your brother's.
Fred: Of course. It's the same dog.
 

Teacher: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
Donald: H I J K L M N O.
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Donald: Yesterday you said it was H to O.
 

Teacher: Mark can you tell me what you would like to be in the future?
Mark: I'd like to be a billionaire and be famous.
Teacher: Interesting, what about you Esther.
Esther: I'd like to be Mark's wife!
 

Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
Louie: Because George still had the axe in his hand?
 

Teacher: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Clyde: No, sir. It's the same dog.
 

Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell Crocodile?
Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L.
Teacher: No, that's wrong.
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
 

A teacher says to a student, "I thought I told you to go to the back of the line?"
The student says, "I did, but someone was there!"
 

The teacher to a student: Conjugate the verb "to walk" in simple present.
The student: I walk. You walk, ..
The teacher interrupts him: Quicker please.
The student: I run. You run.
 

If teachers are so smart then why are they in school?
 

Joey: Little Joey can't come to school today.
Principal: Why?
Joey: He is sick
Principal: Who is this?
Joey: It's my dad.
 

Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria.
Socks can eat anywhere they want.
 

A teacher said, "Children, stand in a straight circle!"
 

There was a really dumb girl and she failed a test. Her teacher wanted her to come in after school and make it up. On the note home to her parents the teacher wrote: Make up test.
The following day the girl brought lipstick and eye shadow to school.
 

Teacher: Joey, I thought I told you to stand at the END of the line!
Joey: I tried, but someone was already standing there!
 

Art teacher: Mimi, I told the class to draw a horse and cart, but you have only drawn a horse!
Mimi: Yes sir, the horse will draw the cart!
 

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an I. Always put 'am' after an I.
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
 

Once there was a boy who needed to do his home work. His homework was to write down his family's favourite words.
So when he got home he asked his mom who was listening to the radio, "What is your favourite word mom?"
"Shut up!" So he wrote that down.
Then he went to his dad who was watching football and his favourite team had just scored a goal, so the little boy asked his dad,"What is your favourite word dad?"
"Yeah!" So he wrote that down.
Next he went to his big sister and he asked her, "What is your favourite word?"
She was listening to her favourite CD and said, "A lollipop, a lollipop, a lollipop." So he wrote that down.
Next he went to his brother. He was watching the end of Batman, he asked him, "What is your favourite word?"
"Nananananananana Batman!" so he wrote that down.
Then he went to his baby sister who was playing with her cars. So he asked her, "What is your favourite word?"
"Voom, voom car, a voom, voom car." So he wrote that down.
The next day at school, the teacher asked him to share his homework with the class
He said, "Shut up!"
The teacher said, "Do you want to go to the principal's office?"
"Yeah!"
"What do you think you deserve?"
"A lollipop, a lollipop, a lollipop."
"Who do you think you are?"
"Nananananananana Batman!"
"What do you think you are going to get away with?"
"Voom, voom car, a voom, voom car."
 

Dear Teacher,

Roses are red
Voilets aren't gray
I give you this card
Now give me an A
From Jimmy
 

Dad: Why is your test score so low?
Girl: Because of absence.
Dad: You were absent?
Girl: No, the girl next to me was.
 


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