Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

School Jokes

We've got lots of funny School jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. Why was the voice teacher so good at baseball?
A. Because she had the perfect pitch.

Q. What school teaches you to greet people?
A. High school.

Q. Why did the student bring scissors to class?
A. He wanted to cut class!

Q. How did the teacher knit a suit of armor?
A. She used steel wool!

Q. Why is arithmetic hard work?
A. All those numerals you have to carry.

Q. Why did the teacher go to the beach?
A. To test the water.

Q. Why did the Cyclops close his school?
A. Because he only had one pupil.

Q. Who invented King Arthur's round table?
A. Sir Cumference!

Q. What did the scientist say to the hydrogen atom that claimed it lost an electron?
A. "Are you positive?"

Q. What's the best place to grow flowers in school?
A. In kindergarden.

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. What kind of teacher passes gas?
A. A tutor!

Q. Why did the jellybean go to school?
A. To become a smartie!

Q. What do ducks use for math?
A. A QUACK-ulator !

Q. What did the cross eyed teacher say to the principal?
A. "I can't control my pupils!"

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher with a tiger?
A. I don't know but you better behave in its class!

Q. How many letters are in the alphabet?
A. 11, T-H-E A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Q. What becomes smaller when you turn it upside down?
A. The number nine.

Q. What happened when the teacher tied all the kids shoe laces together?
A. They had a class trip!

Q. Why did Goofy take a ladder to school?
A. Because he wanted to get to high school.

Q. How many sides does a circle have?
A. Two, inside and out.

Q. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
A. Because her students were bright!

Q. Why do teachers give you homework?
A. Just to annoy you.

Q. Why did the kid run to school?
A. Because he was chased by the spelling bee.

Q. Where do New York City kids learn their multiplication tables?
A. Times Square.

Q. What did the bully have for lunch?
A. He had a knuckle sandwich!

Q. Which building has the most stories?
A. Library!

Q. What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
A. Pick them up and roll them back to her!

Q. What did the student say after the teacher said, "Order students, order?"
A. "Can I have fries and a burger?"

Q. What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
A. A synonym roll.

Q. What is a snake's favourite subject?
A. HISStory!

Q. Why was the music teacher not able to open his class room?
A. Because his keys were on the piano.

Q. Which bet can't be won?
A. Alphabet.

Q. What is a math teacher's favourite dessert?
A. Pi!

Q. What do you need to go to high school?
A. A ladder.

Q. Why is history the sweetest lesson?
A. Because it is full of dates.

Q. What's the difference between a train and a teacher?
A. The teacher says, "Spit your gum out" and the train says, "Choo-choo!"

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?
A. Because when you add four and four you get ate (eight).

Q. Why didn't the class clown use hair oil the day before the big test?
A. Because he didn't want anything to slip his mind.

Q. What do you call a square that's been in an accident?
A. A WRECKtangle.

Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.

Q. Why do mathematicians like airlines?
A. They use Pi-lots.

Q. I usually wear a yellow coat. I usually have a black tip and wherever I go I make marks. What am I?
A. A pencil.

Q. Why did the children eat their homework?
A. Because their teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Q. Why are school cafeteria workers cruel?
A. Because they batter fish, beat eggs, and whip cream.

Q. What did the student say to the math worksheet?
A. I'm not a therapist, solve your own problems!

Q. Why is 2+2=5 like your left foot?
A. It's not right.

Q. Why did the new boy steal a chair from the classroom?
A. Because the teacher told him to take a seat.

Q. What happened to the Easter Bunny when he was naughty at school?
A. He was eggs-pelled!

Q. Why was the math book unhappy?
A. Because he had too many problems!

Q. Why did the teacher draw on the window?
A. Because he wanted his lesson to be very clear!

Q. Why was the little bird punished?
A. It was caught peeping in school.

Q. What object is king of the classroom?
A. The ruler!

Q. What can you call a math teacher?
A. A ruler.

Q. When is a blue school book not a blue school book?
A. When it is read!

Q. Why did the square and triangle go to the gym?
A. To stay in shape!

Q. What is yellow on the outside and gray on the inside?
A. A school bus full of elephants!

Q. What did the glue say to the teacher?
A. "I'm stuck on you."

Q. Why did the girl take a ladder to school?
A. Because she thought it was a high school.

Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. "I've got a lot of problems."

Q. How did the ghost teach her class to go through the wall?
A. She went through it over and over.

Q. What do you call a boy with a dictionary in his pocket?
A. Smartie Pants!

Q. Why did the snake get a detention?
A. Because he was HISSpering!

Q. What school subject is a witch good at?
A. Spelling.

Q. Why doesn't the sun go to college?
A. Because it has a million degrees!

Q. What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A. The teacher says throw out that gum and a train says chew, chew!

Q. Where do birds go to school?
A. High school.

Q. Where do pencils come from?
A. Pennsylvania.

Q. What tools do you need for math?
A. MultiPLIERS.

Q. Why can't you do a math test in the jungle?
A. There are too many cheetahs!

Q. Why did the clock go to the principal's office?
A. For tocking too much!

Q. Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
A. To reach the high notes!

Q. What is white when dirty and black when clean?
A. A blackboard.

Q. Why did the pencil cross the road first?
A. He was the LEADer!

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad we are out of school?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad there is no school on Saturday?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Broken pencil
Broken pencil who?
Oh, never mind it's pointless!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Justin
Justin who?
Just in time for school!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Canoe
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?

Jokes

Mother: George, why does your geography exam have a big zero over it?
George: It is not a zero, Mum. The teacher ran out of stars, so she gave me a moon instead!
 

Teacher: Fred, the story you handed in called "Our Dog," is exactly like your brother's.
Fred: Of course. It's the same dog.
 

Teacher: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
Simon: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
 

Principal: Well, Ronald, I hear you missed the first day back to school.
Ronald: Yeah, but I didn't miss it very much.
 

Teacher: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
John: You told me to do it without using tables.
 

Teacher: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Clyde: No, sir. It's the same dog.
 

Teacher: Have you completed the work at home?
Student: No, sir.
Teacher (angrily): Why?
Student: Because my father has hired servants to do the work at home.
 

Teacher: Who is smart? Put up your hand.
Then all the students except Ken raise their hand.
Teacher: Ken, why aren't you raising your hand?
Ken: Because if I raise my hand than you'll be all alone.
 

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the classroom. The teacher asked why are you arguing. One of the boys said, "We found a $10 bill and decided to give it to the person who tells the biggest lie."
The teacher said, "You should be ashamed of yourselves. When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie meant."
The two boys gave the $10 bill to the teacher.
 

Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: No. I was standing on it.
 

Teacher: Joe, can you name two pronouns?
Joe just waking up: Who, me?
 

Teacher: Take a seat!
Student: Take it where?
 

A boy walked into his classroom late. "Why are you late?" the teacher asked.
"Because I saw a dead cat on the way to school," he said.
"How did you know it was dead?"
"I PSST in its ear."
"YOU DID WHAT!?"
"Yeah, I bent down and went PSST in its ear and it didn't move."
 

"Explain the theory of expansion and contraction," the teacher asked one of the pupils.
"A substance expands when it is heated and contracts when it is cooled."
"No wonder we have a long vacation in summer and a short one in winter," remarked another pupil.
 

A teacher asked a girl, "How was the Red Sea formed?"
The girl said, "Sorry Miss, I don't know who painted it."
 

Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?
Student: That's not fair! You answered the easy ones and left me with the hard one!
 

Teacher: If you had five apples on your desk and the boy next to you took two, what would you get?
Billy: A fight!
 

Teacher: Order children, order!
Student 1: I want a burger!
Student 2: I want chocolate ice cream!
Student 3: I want Lasagne!
Teacher: Sheesh!
Students: (laughing) Sorry!!!
 

When Dad came home he was astonished to see Alec sitting on a horse writing something. "What on earth are you doing up there?" Dad asked.
"Well the teacher told us to write an essay on our favourite animal. That's why I'm up here and sitting on the goldfish bowl!"
 

A first grade teacher was telling her students the story of "Chicken Little." She got to the part when Chicken Little ran up to the Farmer saying, "The sky is falling. The sky is falling." Then the teacher paused and asked the kids what they thought the farmer said. One little girl raised her hand and the teacher called on her. The little girl then said, "I think the farmer said Holy cow, a talking chicken!"
 

Headmaster: I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all your teachers. What have you been doing?
Johnny: Nothing, sir.
Headmaster: Exactly.
 

A teacher said to a student could you count to ten for me. This is what the kid said: "1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 10."
The teacher asked, "Where is 9."
"7 ate 9," said the student matter-of-factly.
 

Dad: Why is your test score so low?
Girl: Because of absence.
Dad: You were absent?
Girl: No, the girl next to me was.
 

A teacher once asked a boy, "Where is the Dead Sea?"
The boy replied, "Miss, I never knew it was sick."
 

Once there was a boy who needed to do his home work. His homework was to write down his family's favourite words.
So when he got home he asked his mom who was listening to the radio, "What is your favourite word mom?"
"Shut up!" So he wrote that down.
Then he went to his dad who was watching football and his favourite team had just scored a goal, so the little boy asked his dad,"What is your favourite word dad?"
"Yeah!" So he wrote that down.
Next he went to his big sister and he asked her, "What is your favourite word?"
She was listening to her favourite CD and said, "A lollipop, a lollipop, a lollipop." So he wrote that down.
Next he went to his brother. He was watching the end of Batman, he asked him, "What is your favourite word?"
"Nananananananana Batman!" so he wrote that down.
Then he went to his baby sister who was playing with her cars. So he asked her, "What is your favourite word?"
"Voom, voom car, a voom, voom car." So he wrote that down.
The next day at school, the teacher asked him to share his homework with the class
He said, "Shut up!"
The teacher said, "Do you want to go to the principal's office?"
"Yeah!"
"What do you think you deserve?"
"A lollipop, a lollipop, a lollipop."
"Who do you think you are?"
"Nananananananana Batman!"
"What do you think you are going to get away with?"
"Voom, voom car, a voom, voom car."
 

Teacher: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Harold: A teacher.
 

Student: The brain is a wonderful thing.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Student: Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you get asked a question in class!
 

Teacher: Are you cold?
Student: Yes.
Teacher: Go sit in the corner it's 90 degrees!
 

Invisible Boy's Mother: Why are your grades so low?
Invisible Boy: Because the teacher always marks me absent.
 

Teacher: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
Glen: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
 


 We also have jokes about…