Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

School Jokes

We've got lots of funny School jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What do you call a boy with a dictionary in his pocket?
A. Smartie Pants!

Q. Why did Daniel go to the top of the school?
A. Because he wanted to go to high school.

Q. Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
A. To reach the high notes!

Q. When is a blue school book not a blue school book?
A. When it is read!

Q. Why did the students study in the aeroplane?
A. Because they wanted higher grades.

Q. What happened when the teacher tied all the kids shoe laces together?
A. They had a class trip!

Q. What's the worst thing that can happen to a geography teacher?
A. Getting lost.

Q. Why did the student drown?
A. All her grades were below C-level!

Q. Why didn't the class clown use hair oil the day before the big test?
A. Because he didn't want anything to slip his mind.

Q. How many letters are in the alphabet?
A. 11, T-H-E A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

Q. Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?
A. Because when you add four and four you get ate (eight).

Q. Who invented King Arthur's round table?
A. Sir Cumference!

Q. Why did the teacher draw on the window?
A. Because he wanted his lesson to be very clear!

Q. Why doesn't the sun go to college?
A. Because it has a million degrees!

Q. What happened to the Easter Bunny when he was naughty at school?
A. He was eggs-pelled!

Q. What kind of teacher passes gas?
A. A tutor!

Q. Why was the little bird punished?
A. It was caught peeping in school.

Q. What did the cross eyed teacher say to the principal?
A. "I can't control my pupils!"

Q. What object is king of the classroom?
A. The ruler!

Q. Why did the student bring scissors to class?
A. He wanted to cut class!

Q. What do get when you cross one principal with another principal?
A. I wouldn't do it, principals don't like to be crossed!

Q. Why did the square and triangle go to the gym?
A. To stay in shape!

Q. Why did the girl take a ladder to school?
A. Because she thought it was a high school.

Q. Why did the pencil cross the road first?
A. He was the LEADer!

Q. How many sides does a circle have?
A. Two, inside and out.

Q. Why did the clock go to the principal's office?
A. For tocking too much!

Q. Why did the new boy steal a chair from the classroom?
A. Because the teacher told him to take a seat.

Q. What school subject is a witch good at?
A. Spelling.

Q. What did the student say to the math worksheet?
A. I'm not a therapist, solve your own problems!

Q. What tools do you need for math?
A. MultiPLIERS.

Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.

Q. Why was the math book unhappy?
A. Because he had too many problems!

Q. What is yellow on the outside and gray on the inside?
A. A school bus full of elephants!

Q. Why do teachers give you homework?
A. Just to annoy you.

Q. Why did the teacher go to the beach?
A. To test the water.

Q. Where did the pencil go for vacation?
A. To Pennsylvania.

Q. What's the best place to grow flowers in school?
A. In kindergarden.

Q. What is a math teacher's favourite dessert?
A. Pi!

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. Why do mathematicians like airlines?
A. They use Pi-lots.

Q. I usually wear a yellow coat. I usually have a black tip and wherever I go I make marks. What am I?
A. A pencil.

Q. What did the bully have for lunch?
A. He had a knuckle sandwich!

Q. Why did the snake get a detention?
A. Because he was HISSpering!

Q. Which bet can't be won?
A. Alphabet.

Q. What did the glue say to the teacher?
A. "I'm stuck on you."

Q. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
A. Because her students were bright!

Q. What do ducks use for math?
A. A QUACK-ulator !

Q. How did the teacher knit a suit of armor?
A. She used steel wool!

Q. What did the scientist say to the hydrogen atom that claimed it lost an electron?
A. "Are you positive?"

Q. What is white when dirty and black when clean?
A. A blackboard.

Q. Why is 2+2=5 like your left foot?
A. It's not right.

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Q. Why is history the sweetest lesson?
A. Because it is full of dates.

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher with a tiger?
A. I don't know but you better behave in its class!

Q. What did the student say after the teacher said, "Order students, order?"
A. "Can I have fries and a burger?"

Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. "I've got a lot of problems."

Q. What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?
A. Owlgebra.

Q. What do you do with dead elements?
A. Barium!

Q. Where do New York City kids learn their multiplication tables?
A. Times Square.

Q. Why did the kid run to school?
A. Because he was chased by the spelling bee.

Q. What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
A. A synonym roll.

Q. Why did Goofy take a ladder to school?
A. Because he wanted to get to high school.

Q. Why did the children eat their homework?
A. Because their teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Q. What school teaches you to greet people?
A. High school.

Q. Why did the Cyclops close his school?
A. Because he only had one pupil.

Q. Where do birds go to school?
A. High school.

Q. What do you need to go to high school?
A. A ladder.

Q. What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
A. Pick them up and roll them back to her!

Q. What is a snake's favourite subject?
A. HISStory!

Q. What did the calculator say to the other calculator?
A. "You can count on me!"

Q. What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A. The teacher says throw out that gum and a train says chew, chew!

Q. What's the difference between a train and a teacher?
A. The teacher says, "Spit your gum out" and the train says, "Choo-choo!"

Q. What do you call a square that's been in an accident?
A. A WRECKtangle.

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. Where do pencils come from?
A. Pennsylvania.

Q. If I did this equation, 23x45+27x99= What answer would I get?
A. A very big number!

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad we are out of school?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad there is no school on Saturday?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Broken pencil
Broken pencil who?
Oh, never mind it's pointless!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Justin
Justin who?
Just in time for school!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Canoe
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?

Jokes

Teacher: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
Donald: H I J K L M N O.
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Donald: Yesterday you said it was H to O.
 

A teacher says to a student, "I thought I told you to go to the back of the line?"
The student says, "I did, but someone was there!"
 

Teacher: Take a seat!
Student: Take it where?
 

A teacher once asked a boy, "Where is the Dead Sea?"
The boy replied, "Miss, I never knew it was sick."
 

Teacher: How many seconds in a minute?
Student: 60
Teacher: How many minutes in an hour?
Student: 60
Teacher: Good, now for a hard one, how many seconds in a year?
Student: 12
Teacher: 12?
Student: Yes, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd...
 

Teacher: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
John: You told me to do it without using tables.
 

Teacher: Nick, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?
Nick: What do you think it is, Sir?
Teacher: I don't think, I KNOW!
Nick: I don't think I know either, Sir!
 

Teacher: Mark can you tell me what you would like to be in the future?
Mark: I'd like to be a billionaire and be famous.
Teacher: Interesting, what about you Esther.
Esther: I'd like to be Mark's wife!
 

Mother: George, why does your geography exam have a big zero over it?
George: It is not a zero, Mum. The teacher ran out of stars, so she gave me a moon instead!
 

Teacher: If you had five apples on your desk and the boy next to you took two, what would you get?
Billy: A fight!
 

A teacher said to his students, "Give me a sentence with lettuce."
The students said, "Lettuce out of school early!"
 

Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
Louie: Because George still had the axe in his hand?
 

Now I lay my head to rest
A pile of books upon my chest
If I shall die before I wake
That's one less test I have to take.
 

A teacher said to a student could you count to ten for me. This is what the kid said: "1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 10."
The teacher asked, "Where is 9."
"7 ate 9," said the student matter-of-factly.
 

Teacher: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
Maria: Here it is.
Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
Class: Maria.
 

Mom: What did you learn on your first day of school?
Child: Not enough, they want me to come back tomorrow!
 

Teacher: Who is smart? Put up your hand.
Then all the students except Ken raise their hand.
Teacher: Ken, why aren't you raising your hand?
Ken: Because if I raise my hand than you'll be all alone.
 

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the classroom. The teacher asked why are you arguing. One of the boys said, "We found a $10 bill and decided to give it to the person who tells the biggest lie."
The teacher said, "You should be ashamed of yourselves. When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie meant."
The two boys gave the $10 bill to the teacher.
 

"Teacher, Teacher I need to pee!"
"Let me hear your ABC's."
"Okay, A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y and Z."
"Good job, except where is the P?"
"Halfway down my leg!"
 

There was a really dumb girl and she failed a test. Her teacher wanted her to come in after school and make it up. On the note home to her parents the teacher wrote: Make up test.
The following day the girl brought lipstick and eye shadow to school.
 

Teacher: What is the purpose of having school?
Student: Without school, there wouldn't be a reason for holidays and summer vacation.
 

Invisible Boy's Mother: Why are your grades so low?
Invisible Boy: Because the teacher always marks me absent.
 

A boy showed his mom his report card and said, "Mom I'm 3rd in my class."
The mom said, "Good job!"
Then the boy said, "But there are only three boys in my class!"
 

A teacher asked her first grade class to bring their birth certificates to class. When the time came to give them to her, David stood up and said very politely, "Teacher, I forgot my excuse for being born."
 

It was the first day of school and the teacher asked all the troublemakers to stand up. Finally this girl stood up and the teacher asked, "Are you a troublemaker?"
The girl said, "No." The teacher asked why she was standing and the girl said, "You looked lonely."
 

A teacher said, "Children, stand in a straight circle!"
 

Mom: Why aren't you doing well in history?
Child: Because the teacher keeps asking about things that happened before I was born!
 

Dad: Why is your test score so low?
Girl: Because of absence.
Dad: You were absent?
Girl: No, the girl next to me was.
 

Principal: Well, Ronald, I hear you missed the first day back to school.
Ronald: Yeah, but I didn't miss it very much.
 

A boy was told to write a 100 word essay. He thought for a bit then started. 'I went out to call my cat in for the night, so I called 'kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty...'
 


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