Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

School Jokes

We've got lots of funny School jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What do you need to go to high school?
A. A ladder.

Q. What tools do you need for math?
A. MultiPLIERS.

Q. Why doesn't the sun go to college?
A. Because it has a million degrees!

Q. What did the scientist say to the hydrogen atom that claimed it lost an electron?
A. "Are you positive?"

Q. Why is arithmetic hard work?
A. All those numerals you have to carry.

Q. What do you call a boy with a dictionary in his pocket?
A. Smartie Pants!

Q. Why did the snake get a detention?
A. Because he was HISSpering!

Q. Which bet can't be won?
A. Alphabet.

Q. Why is 2+2=5 like your left foot?
A. It's not right.

Q. What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A. The teacher says throw out that gum and a train says chew, chew!

Q. Why did Goofy take a ladder to school?
A. Because he wanted to get to high school.

Q. Why did the boy study on an airplane?
A. He wanted to get a higher education.

Q. Why did the student drown?
A. All her grades were below C-level!

Q. What school teaches you to greet people?
A. High school.

Q. What do you do with dead elements?
A. Barium!

Q. What is white when dirty and black when clean?
A. A blackboard.

Q. Why did the teacher go to the beach?
A. To test the water.

Q. Why did the Cyclops close his school?
A. Because he only had one pupil.

Q. What do you call a square that's been in an accident?
A. A WRECKtangle.

Q. Why are school cafeteria workers cruel?
A. Because they batter fish, beat eggs, and whip cream.

Q. What do get when you cross one principal with another principal?
A. I wouldn't do it, principals don't like to be crossed!

Q. What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
A. Pick them up and roll them back to her!

Q. What did the cross eyed teacher say to the principal?
A. "I can't control my pupils!"

Q. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
A. Because her students were bright!

Q. What object is king of the classroom?
A. The ruler!

Q. Where do pencils come from?
A. Pennsylvania.

Q. Why can't you do a math test in the jungle?
A. There are too many cheetahs!

Q. Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
A. To reach the high notes!

Q. What did the student say to the math worksheet?
A. I'm not a therapist, solve your own problems!

Q. Where did the pencil go for vacation?
A. To Pennsylvania.

Q. Why did the jellybean go to school?
A. To become a smartie!

Q. Why was the voice teacher so good at baseball?
A. Because she had the perfect pitch.

Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. "I've got a lot of problems."

Q. Why did the pencil cross the road first?
A. He was the LEADer!

Q. Why did the teacher draw on the window?
A. Because he wanted his lesson to be very clear!

Q. Why was the little bird punished?
A. It was caught peeping in school.

Q. Why did the students study in the aeroplane?
A. Because they wanted higher grades.

Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. Why did the new boy steal a chair from the classroom?
A. Because the teacher told him to take a seat.

Q. What becomes smaller when you turn it upside down?
A. The number nine.

Q. Where do birds go to school?
A. High school.

Q. What is a math teacher's favourite dessert?
A. Pi!

Q. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
A. "Watch the board and I'll go through it again."

Q. How did the teacher knit a suit of armor?
A. She used steel wool!

Q. How many letters are in the alphabet?
A. 11, T-H-E A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

Q. What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
A. A synonym roll.

Q. How many sides does a circle have?
A. Two, inside and out.

Q. What can you call a math teacher?
A. A ruler.

Q. What's the worst thing that can happen to a geography teacher?
A. Getting lost.

Q. When is a blue school book not a blue school book?
A. When it is read!

Q. Why did the girl take a ladder to school?
A. Because she thought it was a high school.

Q. What happened when the teacher tied all the kids shoe laces together?
A. They had a class trip!

Q. Why is history the sweetest lesson?
A. Because it is full of dates.

Q. What's bigger when it's upside down?
A. A 6!

Q. Why do teachers give you homework?
A. Just to annoy you.

Q. I usually wear a yellow coat. I usually have a black tip and wherever I go I make marks. What am I?
A. A pencil.

Q. Why do mathematicians like airlines?
A. They use Pi-lots.

Q. Why did the kid run to school?
A. Because he was chased by the spelling bee.

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. What did the bully have for lunch?
A. He had a knuckle sandwich!

Q. Why did the children eat their homework?
A. Because their teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Q. What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?
A. Owlgebra.

Q. What is a snake's favourite subject?
A. HISStory!

Q. Where do New York City kids learn their multiplication tables?
A. Times Square.

Q. Why did the square and triangle go to the gym?
A. To stay in shape!

Q. What did the glue say to the teacher?
A. "I'm stuck on you."

Q. What's the best place to grow flowers in school?
A. In kindergarden.

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Q. What school subject is a witch good at?
A. Spelling.

Q. Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?
A. Because when you add four and four you get ate (eight).

Q. Which building has the most stories?
A. Library!

Q. Why did the student bring scissors to class?
A. He wanted to cut class!

Q. Why didn't the class clown use hair oil the day before the big test?
A. Because he didn't want anything to slip his mind.

Q. What did the calculator say to the other calculator?
A. "You can count on me!"

Q. What's the difference between a train and a teacher?
A. The teacher says, "Spit your gum out" and the train says, "Choo-choo!"

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad we are out of school?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad there is no school on Saturday?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Broken pencil
Broken pencil who?
Oh, never mind it's pointless!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Justin
Justin who?
Just in time for school!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Canoe
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?

Jokes

A boy came home from school. "How much did you learn in school today?" His mother asked.
"Not enough, I have to go back again tomorrow."
 

If teachers are so smart then why are they in school?
 

Joey: Little Joey can't come to school today.
Principal: Why?
Joey: He is sick
Principal: Who is this?
Joey: It's my dad.
 

Teacher: Give me a sentence with the word "fascinate" in it.
Student: If I had a sweater with ten buttons and two fell off, then I would only have to fascinate (fasten eight)!
 

Student: The brain is a wonderful thing.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Student: Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you get asked a question in class!
 

Stevie: Hey, Mom, I got a hundred in school today.
Mom: That's wonderful! What did you get a hundred in?
Stevie: In two things: I got forty in reading and sixty in spelling.
 

Now I lay my head to rest
A pile of books upon my chest
If I shall die before I wake
That's one less test I have to take.
 

A teacher says to a student, "I thought I told you to go to the back of the line?"
The student says, "I did, but someone was there!"
 

A boy showed his mom his report card and said, "Mom I'm 3rd in my class."
The mom said, "Good job!"
Then the boy said, "But there are only three boys in my class!"
 

Student: Teacher, Teacher!
Teacher: Yes?
Student: Can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: After you recite the alphabet.
Student: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z!
Teacher: Where did the P go?
Student: It's running down my leg!
 

Mom: Why aren't you doing well in history?
Child: Because the teacher keeps asking about things that happened before I was born!
 

Teacher: How many seconds in a minute?
Student: 60
Teacher: How many minutes in an hour?
Student: 60
Teacher: Good, now for a hard one, how many seconds in a year?
Student: 12
Teacher: 12?
Student: Yes, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd...
 

Student asking his teacher: Do you punish people for things they don't do?
Teacher: No.
Student: Good, because I haven't done my homework today.
 

A teacher said to a student could you count to ten for me. This is what the kid said: "1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 10."
The teacher asked, "Where is 9."
"7 ate 9," said the student matter-of-factly.
 

Headmaster: I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all your teachers. What have you been doing?
Johnny: Nothing, sir.
Headmaster: Exactly.
 

Teacher: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
Maria: Here it is.
Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
Class: Maria.
 

Teacher: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
Donald: H I J K L M N O.
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Donald: Yesterday you said it was H to O.
 

Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria.
Socks can eat anywhere they want.
 

A teacher once asked a boy, "Where is the Dead Sea?"
The boy replied, "Miss, I never knew it was sick."
 

Teacher: Mark can you tell me what you would like to be in the future?
Mark: I'd like to be a billionaire and be famous.
Teacher: Interesting, what about you Esther.
Esther: I'd like to be Mark's wife!
 

Teacher: Who was the first woman on earth?
Boy: I don't know?
Teacher: Think of the apple story.
Boy: I know, Granny Smith!
 

A boy walked into his classroom late. "Why are you late?" the teacher asked.
"Because I saw a dead cat on the way to school," he said.
"How did you know it was dead?"
"I PSST in its ear."
"YOU DID WHAT!?"
"Yeah, I bent down and went PSST in its ear and it didn't move."
 

Teacher: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
Winnie: Me!
 

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an I. Always put 'am' after an I.
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
 

Teacher: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Clyde: No, sir. It's the same dog.
 

Teacher: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
Simon: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
 

A teacher asked a girl, "How was the Red Sea formed?"
The girl said, "Sorry Miss, I don't know who painted it."
 

Teacher: Joey, I thought I told you to stand at the END of the line!
Joey: I tried, but someone was already standing there!
 

Mom: What did you learn on your first day of school?
Child: Not enough, they want me to come back tomorrow!
 

A boy was told to write a 100 word essay. He thought for a bit then started. 'I went out to call my cat in for the night, so I called 'kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty...'
 


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