Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

School Jokes

We've got lots of funny School jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What's the worst thing that can happen to a geography teacher?
A. Getting lost.

Q. Why did the teacher draw on the window?
A. Because he wanted his lesson to be very clear!

Q. Why was the broom late for school?
A. He over swept.

Q. Why did the new boy steal a chair from the classroom?
A. Because the teacher told him to take a seat.

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher with a tiger?
A. I don't know but you better behave in its class!

Q. Why did the student bring scissors to class?
A. He wanted to cut class!

Q. What kind of teacher passes gas?
A. A tutor!

Q. What did the bully have for lunch?
A. He had a knuckle sandwich!

Q. What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
A. A synonym roll.

Q. Why did the girl take a ladder to school?
A. Because she thought it was a high school.

Q. What is white when dirty and black when clean?
A. A blackboard.

Q. How did the teacher knit a suit of armor?
A. She used steel wool!

Q. What did the scientist say to the hydrogen atom that claimed it lost an electron?
A. "Are you positive?"

Q. What's the difference between a train and a teacher?
A. The teacher says, "Spit your gum out" and the train says, "Choo-choo!"

Q. Why did the clock go to the principal's office?
A. For tocking too much!

Q. What did the student say after the teacher said, "Order students, order?"
A. "Can I have fries and a burger?"

Q. What did the glue say to the teacher?
A. "I'm stuck on you."

Q. If I did this equation, 23x45+27x99= What answer would I get?
A. A very big number!

Q. How did the ghost teach her class to go through the wall?
A. She went through it over and over.

Q. Why are school cafeteria workers cruel?
A. Because they batter fish, beat eggs, and whip cream.

Q. What do ducks use for math?
A. A QUACK-ulator !

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Q. Where do birds go to school?
A. High school.

Q. Why doesn't the sun go to college?
A. Because it has a million degrees!

Q. Why did the students study in the aeroplane?
A. Because they wanted higher grades.

Q. Why did the kid run to school?
A. Because he was chased by the spelling bee.

Q. Why did the square and triangle go to the gym?
A. To stay in shape!

Q. Why did Goofy take a ladder to school?
A. Because he wanted to get to high school.

Q. What becomes smaller when you turn it upside down?
A. The number nine.

Q. What is yellow on the outside and gray on the inside?
A. A school bus full of elephants!

Q. What do you call a square that's been in an accident?
A. A WRECKtangle.

Q. Why was the music teacher not able to open his class room?
A. Because his keys were on the piano.

Q. Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
A. To reach the high notes!

Q. What happened to the Easter Bunny when he was naughty at school?
A. He was eggs-pelled!

Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.

Q. Why did Daniel go to the top of the school?
A. Because he wanted to go to high school.

Q. What tools do you need for math?
A. MultiPLIERS.

Q. What did the cross eyed teacher say to the principal?
A. "I can't control my pupils!"

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
A. Because her students were bright!

Q. Why did the student drown?
A. All her grades were below C-level!

Q. Which building has the most stories?
A. Library!

Q. Why is history the sweetest lesson?
A. Because it is full of dates.

Q. Why was the voice teacher so good at baseball?
A. Because she had the perfect pitch.

Q. Why did the pencil cross the road first?
A. He was the LEADer!

Q. What can you call a math teacher?
A. A ruler.

Q. What is a snake's favourite subject?
A. HISStory!

Q. What school teaches you to greet people?
A. High school.

Q. Why did the teacher go to the beach?
A. To test the water.

Q. Where did the pencil go for vacation?
A. To Pennsylvania.

Q. Why was the little bird punished?
A. It was caught peeping in school.

Q. Where do New York City kids learn their multiplication tables?
A. Times Square.

Q. How many sides does a circle have?
A. Two, inside and out.

Q. What's bigger when it's upside down?
A. A 6!

Q. What do you call a boy with a dictionary in his pocket?
A. Smartie Pants!

Q. Why did the Cyclops close his school?
A. Because he only had one pupil.

Q. Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?
A. Because when you add four and four you get ate (eight).

Q. When is a blue school book not a blue school book?
A. When it is read!

Q. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
A. "Watch the board and I'll go through it again."

Q. Why did the snake get a detention?
A. Because he was HISSpering!

Q. What did the calculator say to the other calculator?
A. "You can count on me!"

Q. What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A. The teacher says throw out that gum and a train says chew, chew!

Q. What's the best place to grow flowers in school?
A. In kindergarden.

Q. Why do mathematicians like airlines?
A. They use Pi-lots.

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. I usually wear a yellow coat. I usually have a black tip and wherever I go I make marks. What am I?
A. A pencil.

Q. Why can't you do a math test in the jungle?
A. There are too many cheetahs!

Q. What is a math teacher's favourite dessert?
A. Pi!

Q. Why is 2+2=5 like your left foot?
A. It's not right.

Q. What do you need to go to high school?
A. A ladder.

Q. Why do teachers give you homework?
A. Just to annoy you.

Q. Why did the boy study on an airplane?
A. He wanted to get a higher education.

Q. How many letters are in the alphabet?
A. 11, T-H-E A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

Q. What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
A. Pick them up and roll them back to her!

Q. What school subject is a witch good at?
A. Spelling.

Q. What did the student say to the math worksheet?
A. I'm not a therapist, solve your own problems!

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad we are out of school?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad there is no school on Saturday?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Broken pencil
Broken pencil who?
Oh, never mind it's pointless!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Justin
Justin who?
Just in time for school!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Canoe
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?

Jokes

Stevie: Hey, Mom, I got a hundred in school today.
Mom: That's wonderful! What did you get a hundred in?
Stevie: In two things: I got forty in reading and sixty in spelling.
 

Student: Teacher, Teacher!
Teacher: Yes?
Student: Can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: After you recite the alphabet.
Student: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z!
Teacher: Where did the P go?
Student: It's running down my leg!
 

Now I lay my head to rest
A pile of books upon my chest
If I shall die before I wake
That's one less test I have to take.
 

Dad: Why is your test score so low?
Girl: Because of absence.
Dad: You were absent?
Girl: No, the girl next to me was.
 

A teacher asked a girl, "How was the Red Sea formed?"
The girl said, "Sorry Miss, I don't know who painted it."
 

A boy showed his mom his report card and said, "Mom I'm 3rd in my class."
The mom said, "Good job!"
Then the boy said, "But there are only three boys in my class!"
 

Teacher: Mark can you tell me what you would like to be in the future?
Mark: I'd like to be a billionaire and be famous.
Teacher: Interesting, what about you Esther.
Esther: I'd like to be Mark's wife!
 

Student: The brain is a wonderful thing.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Student: Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you get asked a question in class!
 

Teacher: Millie, give me a sentence starting with I.
Millie: I is...
Teacher: No, Millie. Always say I am.
Millie: All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
 

Teacher: Fred, the story you handed in called "Our Dog," is exactly like your brother's.
Fred: Of course. It's the same dog.
 

Teacher: Nick, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?
Nick: What do you think it is, Sir?
Teacher: I don't think, I KNOW!
Nick: I don't think I know either, Sir!
 

Teacher: Who was the first woman on earth?
Boy: I don't know?
Teacher: Think of the apple story.
Boy: I know, Granny Smith!
 

A small boy is asked to find out what the first 4 letters of the alphabet are for his homework.
"Mum, what's the first letter of the alphabet?"
"Shut up and go away," she replied.
The boy went to his dad. "Dad, what's the second letter of the alphabet?"
"YYYYEEEAAAHHH!!!" The boy's dad roared; football was on the TV and his team had scored.
"Brother, what is the third letter of the alphabet?" The boy asked his brother, who was playing with his action men.
"Action Man, the greatest hero of them all!" He cried.
"Sister, what is the fourth letter of the alphabet?" The boy's sister was playing with her Barbie dolls.
"Drive away in the Barbie car, beep, beep!" The boy's sister sang.

The next day in school the teacher asked the boy what the first letter was.
"Shut up and go away!" He replied.
"Do you want to see the head teacher?" Teacher yells.
"YEAH!!"
The boy is sent to the head teacher.
"Who do you think you are?" The headmaster shouts in his face.
"Action Man, the greatest hero of them all!"
"How do you think you're going to get away with this?"
"Drive away in the Barbie car, beep, beep!"
 

If teachers are so smart then why are they in school?
 

A boy came home from school. "How much did you learn in school today?" His mother asked.
"Not enough, I have to go back again tomorrow."
 

Teacher: If you had five apples on your desk and the boy next to you took two, what would you get?
Billy: A fight!
 

A first grade teacher was telling her students the story of "Chicken Little." She got to the part when Chicken Little ran up to the Farmer saying, "The sky is falling. The sky is falling." Then the teacher paused and asked the kids what they thought the farmer said. One little girl raised her hand and the teacher called on her. The little girl then said, "I think the farmer said Holy cow, a talking chicken!"
 

Mother: George, why does your geography exam have a big zero over it?
George: It is not a zero, Mum. The teacher ran out of stars, so she gave me a moon instead!
 

Art teacher: Mimi, I told the class to draw a horse and cart, but you have only drawn a horse!
Mimi: Yes sir, the horse will draw the cart!
 

Headmaster: I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all your teachers. What have you been doing?
Johnny: Nothing, sir.
Headmaster: Exactly.
 

Teacher: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
Simon: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
 

Teacher: How many seconds in a minute?
Student: 60
Teacher: How many minutes in an hour?
Student: 60
Teacher: Good, now for a hard one, how many seconds in a year?
Student: 12
Teacher: 12?
Student: Yes, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd...
 

Invisible Boy's Mother: Why are your grades so low?
Invisible Boy: Because the teacher always marks me absent.
 

Teacher: Have you completed the work at home?
Student: No, sir.
Teacher (angrily): Why?
Student: Because my father has hired servants to do the work at home.
 

Teacher: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
Donald: H I J K L M N O.
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Donald: Yesterday you said it was H to O.
 

There was a really dumb girl and she failed a test. Her teacher wanted her to come in after school and make it up. On the note home to her parents the teacher wrote: Make up test.
The following day the girl brought lipstick and eye shadow to school.
 

Teacher: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
Winnie: Me!
 

A teacher said to his students, "Give me a sentence with lettuce."
The students said, "Lettuce out of school early!"
 

Teacher: Joey, I thought I told you to stand at the END of the line!
Joey: I tried, but someone was already standing there!
 

Teacher: Joe, can you name two pronouns?
Joe just waking up: Who, me?
 


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