Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

School Jokes

We've got lots of funny School jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. I usually wear a yellow coat. I usually have a black tip and wherever I go I make marks. What am I?
A. A pencil.

Q. Where do New York City kids learn their multiplication tables?
A. Times Square.

Q. Why was the math book unhappy?
A. Because he had too many problems!

Q. Why did the student bring scissors to class?
A. He wanted to cut class!

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Q. Why did the kid run to school?
A. Because he was chased by the spelling bee.

Q. Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?
A. Because when you add four and four you get ate (eight).

Q. What becomes smaller when you turn it upside down?
A. The number nine.

Q. What did the student say to the math worksheet?
A. I'm not a therapist, solve your own problems!

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. Why did the teacher draw on the window?
A. Because he wanted his lesson to be very clear!

Q. What can you call a math teacher?
A. A ruler.

Q. What do you call a boy with a dictionary in his pocket?
A. Smartie Pants!

Q. How many sides does a circle have?
A. Two, inside and out.

Q. Who invented King Arthur's round table?
A. Sir Cumference!

Q. Where do pencils come from?
A. Pennsylvania.

Q. What did the calculator say to the other calculator?
A. "You can count on me!"

Q. Why was the little bird punished?
A. It was caught peeping in school.

Q. What do you call a square that's been in an accident?
A. A WRECKtangle.

Q. Why did the jellybean go to school?
A. To become a smartie!

Q. Why doesn't the sun go to college?
A. Because it has a million degrees!

Q. Why did the children eat their homework?
A. Because their teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Q. What did the student say after the teacher said, "Order students, order?"
A. "Can I have fries and a burger?"

Q. If I did this equation, 23x45+27x99= What answer would I get?
A. A very big number!

Q. How many letters are in the alphabet?
A. 11, T-H-E A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

Q. Why did Daniel go to the top of the school?
A. Because he wanted to go to high school.

Q. Where did the pencil go for vacation?
A. To Pennsylvania.

Q. Why did the pencil cross the road first?
A. He was the LEADer!

Q. What do you need to go to high school?
A. A ladder.

Q. What's the difference between a train and a teacher?
A. The teacher says, "Spit your gum out" and the train says, "Choo-choo!"

Q. Why did Goofy take a ladder to school?
A. Because he wanted to get to high school.

Q. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
A. Because her students were bright!

Q. What do ducks use for math?
A. A QUACK-ulator !

Q. What did the bully have for lunch?
A. He had a knuckle sandwich!

Q. Why did the snake get a detention?
A. Because he was HISSpering!

Q. Why did the Cyclops close his school?
A. Because he only had one pupil.

Q. What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A. The teacher says throw out that gum and a train says chew, chew!

Q. What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
A. A synonym roll.

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. What did the cross eyed teacher say to the principal?
A. "I can't control my pupils!"

Q. What did the glue say to the teacher?
A. "I'm stuck on you."

Q. Why was the music teacher not able to open his class room?
A. Because his keys were on the piano.

Q. Why did the boy study on an airplane?
A. He wanted to get a higher education.

Q. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
A. "Watch the board and I'll go through it again."

Q. How did the ghost teach her class to go through the wall?
A. She went through it over and over.

Q. Why was the broom late for school?
A. He over swept.

Q. What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
A. Pick them up and roll them back to her!

Q. What happened to the Easter Bunny when he was naughty at school?
A. He was eggs-pelled!

Q. How did the teacher knit a suit of armor?
A. She used steel wool!

Q. Where do birds go to school?
A. High school.

Q. Why didn't the class clown use hair oil the day before the big test?
A. Because he didn't want anything to slip his mind.

Q. Why did the student drown?
A. All her grades were below C-level!

Q. Which building has the most stories?
A. Library!

Q. Why did the teacher go to the beach?
A. To test the water.

Q. What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?
A. Owlgebra.

Q. What happened when the teacher tied all the kids shoe laces together?
A. They had a class trip!

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher with a tiger?
A. I don't know but you better behave in its class!

Q. What is yellow on the outside and gray on the inside?
A. A school bus full of elephants!

Q. What do get when you cross one principal with another principal?
A. I wouldn't do it, principals don't like to be crossed!

Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.

Q. Why did the clock go to the principal's office?
A. For tocking too much!

Q. Why can't you do a math test in the jungle?
A. There are too many cheetahs!

Q. Why did the square and triangle go to the gym?
A. To stay in shape!

Q. Why is history the sweetest lesson?
A. Because it is full of dates.

Q. When is a blue school book not a blue school book?
A. When it is read!

Q. Why is arithmetic hard work?
A. All those numerals you have to carry.

Q. What kind of teacher passes gas?
A. A tutor!

Q. Why did the new boy steal a chair from the classroom?
A. Because the teacher told him to take a seat.

Q. What did the scientist say to the hydrogen atom that claimed it lost an electron?
A. "Are you positive?"

Q. What is a math teacher's favourite dessert?
A. Pi!

Q. Why do mathematicians like airlines?
A. They use Pi-lots.

Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. "I've got a lot of problems."

Q. What tools do you need for math?
A. MultiPLIERS.

Q. Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
A. To reach the high notes!

Q. Why did the students study in the aeroplane?
A. Because they wanted higher grades.

Q. Why did the girl take a ladder to school?
A. Because she thought it was a high school.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad we are out of school?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad there is no school on Saturday?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Broken pencil
Broken pencil who?
Oh, never mind it's pointless!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Justin
Justin who?
Just in time for school!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Canoe
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?

Jokes

Teacher: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say "I am beautiful," which tense is it?
Student: Obviously it is the past tense.
 

Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your dad for another, how much would you have?
Boy: One dollar.
Teacher: Are you sure?
Boy: Yes, my dad wouldn't give me a dollar!
 

A small boy is asked to find out what the first 4 letters of the alphabet are for his homework.
"Mum, what's the first letter of the alphabet?"
"Shut up and go away," she replied.
The boy went to his dad. "Dad, what's the second letter of the alphabet?"
"YYYYEEEAAAHHH!!!" The boy's dad roared; football was on the TV and his team had scored.
"Brother, what is the third letter of the alphabet?" The boy asked his brother, who was playing with his action men.
"Action Man, the greatest hero of them all!" He cried.
"Sister, what is the fourth letter of the alphabet?" The boy's sister was playing with her Barbie dolls.
"Drive away in the Barbie car, beep, beep!" The boy's sister sang.

The next day in school the teacher asked the boy what the first letter was.
"Shut up and go away!" He replied.
"Do you want to see the head teacher?" Teacher yells.
"YEAH!!"
The boy is sent to the head teacher.
"Who do you think you are?" The headmaster shouts in his face.
"Action Man, the greatest hero of them all!"
"How do you think you're going to get away with this?"
"Drive away in the Barbie car, beep, beep!"
 

Teacher: Nick, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?
Nick: What do you think it is, Sir?
Teacher: I don't think, I KNOW!
Nick: I don't think I know either, Sir!
 

Teacher: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Clyde: No, sir. It's the same dog.
 

Teacher: Who was the first woman on earth?
Boy: I don't know?
Teacher: Think of the apple story.
Boy: I know, Granny Smith!
 

When Dad came home he was astonished to see Alec sitting on a horse writing something. "What on earth are you doing up there?" Dad asked.
"Well the teacher told us to write an essay on our favourite animal. That's why I'm up here and sitting on the goldfish bowl!"
 

Dad: Why is your test score so low?
Girl: Because of absence.
Dad: You were absent?
Girl: No, the girl next to me was.
 

A boy walked into his classroom late. "Why are you late?" the teacher asked.
"Because I saw a dead cat on the way to school," he said.
"How did you know it was dead?"
"I PSST in its ear."
"YOU DID WHAT!?"
"Yeah, I bent down and went PSST in its ear and it didn't move."
 

Teacher: Are you cold?
Student: Yes.
Teacher: Go sit in the corner it's 90 degrees!
 

There was a really dumb girl and she failed a test. Her teacher wanted her to come in after school and make it up. On the note home to her parents the teacher wrote: Make up test.
The following day the girl brought lipstick and eye shadow to school.
 

Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell Crocodile?
Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L.
Teacher: No, that's wrong.
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
 

Mom: Why aren't you doing well in history?
Child: Because the teacher keeps asking about things that happened before I was born!
 

Invisible Boy's Mother: Why are your grades so low?
Invisible Boy: Because the teacher always marks me absent.
 

Student: The brain is a wonderful thing.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Student: Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you get asked a question in class!
 

Teacher: Joe, can you name two pronouns?
Joe just waking up: Who, me?
 

Teacher: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
Donald: H I J K L M N O.
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Donald: Yesterday you said it was H to O.
 

Teacher: How many seconds in a minute?
Student: 60
Teacher: How many minutes in an hour?
Student: 60
Teacher: Good, now for a hard one, how many seconds in a year?
Student: 12
Teacher: 12?
Student: Yes, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd...
 

Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: No. I was standing on it.
 

Stevie: Hey, Mom, I got a hundred in school today.
Mom: That's wonderful! What did you get a hundred in?
Stevie: In two things: I got forty in reading and sixty in spelling.
 

Teacher: Fred, the story you handed in called "Our Dog," is exactly like your brother's.
Fred: Of course. It's the same dog.
 

Mother: George, why does your geography exam have a big zero over it?
George: It is not a zero, Mum. The teacher ran out of stars, so she gave me a moon instead!
 

Teacher: What is the purpose of having school?
Student: Without school, there wouldn't be a reason for holidays and summer vacation.
 

A teacher asked a girl, "How was the Red Sea formed?"
The girl said, "Sorry Miss, I don't know who painted it."
 

Teacher: Who is smart? Put up your hand.
Then all the students except Ken raise their hand.
Teacher: Ken, why aren't you raising your hand?
Ken: Because if I raise my hand than you'll be all alone.
 

A teacher asked a boy a question after she had read her lesson. The boy just held his ears and shut his mouth
"Why are you not giving me any answer?"
"Because what ever you taught me goes in my ears and if I open my mouth, I will forget everything you said."
 

It was the first day of school and the teacher asked all the troublemakers to stand up. Finally this girl stood up and the teacher asked, "Are you a troublemaker?"
The girl said, "No." The teacher asked why she was standing and the girl said, "You looked lonely."
 

Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
Louie: Because George still had the axe in his hand?
 

"Teacher, Teacher I need to pee!"
"Let me hear your ABC's."
"Okay, A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y and Z."
"Good job, except where is the P?"
"Halfway down my leg!"
 

A teacher said to his students, "Give me a sentence with lettuce."
The students said, "Lettuce out of school early!"
 


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