Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

School Jokes

We've got lots of funny School jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. Why did the snake get a detention?
A. Because he was HISSpering!

Q. What happened when the teacher tied all the kids shoe laces together?
A. They had a class trip!

Q. Why can't you do a math test in the jungle?
A. There are too many cheetahs!

Q. Why did the teacher go to the beach?
A. To test the water.

Q. Why doesn't the sun go to college?
A. Because it has a million degrees!

Q. Where do pencils come from?
A. Pennsylvania.

Q. Why did Daniel go to the top of the school?
A. Because he wanted to go to high school.

Q. Which bet can't be won?
A. Alphabet.

Q. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
A. "Watch the board and I'll go through it again."

Q. What did the glue say to the teacher?
A. "I'm stuck on you."

Q. Why did the jellybean go to school?
A. To become a smartie!

Q. Why did the clock go to the principal's office?
A. For tocking too much!

Q. Where do New York City kids learn their multiplication tables?
A. Times Square.

Q. What did the calculator say to the other calculator?
A. "You can count on me!"

Q. How many letters are in the alphabet?
A. 11, T-H-E A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

Q. What's the worst thing that can happen to a geography teacher?
A. Getting lost.

Q. What is a snake's favourite subject?
A. HISStory!

Q. What did the cross eyed teacher say to the principal?
A. "I can't control my pupils!"

Q. Why is arithmetic hard work?
A. All those numerals you have to carry.

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Q. What's the best place to grow flowers in school?
A. In kindergarden.

Q. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
A. Because her students were bright!

Q. What object is king of the classroom?
A. The ruler!

Q. Why did the teacher draw on the window?
A. Because he wanted his lesson to be very clear!

Q. Why did the girl take a ladder to school?
A. Because she thought it was a high school.

Q. Who invented King Arthur's round table?
A. Sir Cumference!

Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. "I've got a lot of problems."

Q. How did the ghost teach her class to go through the wall?
A. She went through it over and over.

Q. If I did this equation, 23x45+27x99= What answer would I get?
A. A very big number!

Q. Why did the square and triangle go to the gym?
A. To stay in shape!

Q. Why did the pencil cross the road first?
A. He was the LEADer!

Q. What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A. The teacher says throw out that gum and a train says chew, chew!

Q. Why did the Cyclops close his school?
A. Because he only had one pupil.

Q. Why did the student drown?
A. All her grades were below C-level!

Q. How did the teacher knit a suit of armor?
A. She used steel wool!

Q. What's the difference between a train and a teacher?
A. The teacher says, "Spit your gum out" and the train says, "Choo-choo!"

Q. What is yellow on the outside and gray on the inside?
A. A school bus full of elephants!

Q. What do get when you cross one principal with another principal?
A. I wouldn't do it, principals don't like to be crossed!

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. Why do teachers give you homework?
A. Just to annoy you.

Q. Why are school cafeteria workers cruel?
A. Because they batter fish, beat eggs, and whip cream.

Q. Where do birds go to school?
A. High school.

Q. Which building has the most stories?
A. Library!

Q. Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?
A. Because when you add four and four you get ate (eight).

Q. Why is 2+2=5 like your left foot?
A. It's not right.

Q. What tools do you need for math?
A. MultiPLIERS.

Q. What did the scientist say to the hydrogen atom that claimed it lost an electron?
A. "Are you positive?"

Q. When is a blue school book not a blue school book?
A. When it is read!

Q. Why was the little bird punished?
A. It was caught peeping in school.

Q. Why was the math book unhappy?
A. Because he had too many problems!

Q. Why was the voice teacher so good at baseball?
A. Because she had the perfect pitch.

Q. What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
A. Pick them up and roll them back to her!

Q. Why did the children eat their homework?
A. Because their teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Q. What is a math teacher's favourite dessert?
A. Pi!

Q. Why did the new boy steal a chair from the classroom?
A. Because the teacher told him to take a seat.

Q. How many sides does a circle have?
A. Two, inside and out.

Q. Why did the boy study on an airplane?
A. He wanted to get a higher education.

Q. What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?
A. Owlgebra.

Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.

Q. Why didn't the class clown use hair oil the day before the big test?
A. Because he didn't want anything to slip his mind.

Q. Where did the pencil go for vacation?
A. To Pennsylvania.

Q. What's bigger when it's upside down?
A. A 6!

Q. What did the student say after the teacher said, "Order students, order?"
A. "Can I have fries and a burger?"

Q. What do you need to go to high school?
A. A ladder.

Q. What is white when dirty and black when clean?
A. A blackboard.

Q. Why did the students study in the aeroplane?
A. Because they wanted higher grades.

Q. Why did the student bring scissors to class?
A. He wanted to cut class!

Q. Why do mathematicians like airlines?
A. They use Pi-lots.

Q. What school teaches you to greet people?
A. High school.

Q. What do ducks use for math?
A. A QUACK-ulator !

Q. What did the bully have for lunch?
A. He had a knuckle sandwich!

Q. What did the student say to the math worksheet?
A. I'm not a therapist, solve your own problems!

Q. What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
A. A synonym roll.

Q. Why did the kid run to school?
A. Because he was chased by the spelling bee.

Q. Why was the music teacher not able to open his class room?
A. Because his keys were on the piano.

Q. What do you do with dead elements?
A. Barium!

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad we are out of school?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad there is no school on Saturday?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Broken pencil
Broken pencil who?
Oh, never mind it's pointless!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Justin
Justin who?
Just in time for school!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Canoe
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?

Jokes

Student asking his teacher: Do you punish people for things they don't do?
Teacher: No.
Student: Good, because I haven't done my homework today.
 

Teacher: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Harold: A teacher.
 

There was a kid named Joey and he couldn't add, so when they had a test on addition he copied off John's paper. When he was finished with the test his teacher said: Joey why did you copy off John's paper?
Joey: I didn't.
Teacher: Yes you did.
Joey: How did you know?
Teacher: I knew because when John wrote, "I don't know," on question #6, you wrote, "me neither."
 

Art teacher: Mimi, I told the class to draw a horse and cart, but you have only drawn a horse!
Mimi: Yes sir, the horse will draw the cart!
 

A teacher said to a student could you count to ten for me. This is what the kid said: "1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 10."
The teacher asked, "Where is 9."
"7 ate 9," said the student matter-of-factly.
 

Stevie: Hey, Mom, I got a hundred in school today.
Mom: That's wonderful! What did you get a hundred in?
Stevie: In two things: I got forty in reading and sixty in spelling.
 

Shelly: Our teacher is a peach.
Kelly: You mean she is really nice?
Shelly: No, she has a heart of stone.
 

A small boy is asked to find out what the first 4 letters of the alphabet are for his homework.
"Mum, what's the first letter of the alphabet?"
"Shut up and go away," she replied.
The boy went to his dad. "Dad, what's the second letter of the alphabet?"
"YYYYEEEAAAHHH!!!" The boy's dad roared; football was on the TV and his team had scored.
"Brother, what is the third letter of the alphabet?" The boy asked his brother, who was playing with his action men.
"Action Man, the greatest hero of them all!" He cried.
"Sister, what is the fourth letter of the alphabet?" The boy's sister was playing with her Barbie dolls.
"Drive away in the Barbie car, beep, beep!" The boy's sister sang.

The next day in school the teacher asked the boy what the first letter was.
"Shut up and go away!" He replied.
"Do you want to see the head teacher?" Teacher yells.
"YEAH!!"
The boy is sent to the head teacher.
"Who do you think you are?" The headmaster shouts in his face.
"Action Man, the greatest hero of them all!"
"How do you think you're going to get away with this?"
"Drive away in the Barbie car, beep, beep!"
 

A teacher asked a girl, "How was the Red Sea formed?"
The girl said, "Sorry Miss, I don't know who painted it."
 

Headmaster: I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all your teachers. What have you been doing?
Johnny: Nothing, sir.
Headmaster: Exactly.
 

It was the first day of school and the teacher asked all the troublemakers to stand up. Finally this girl stood up and the teacher asked, "Are you a troublemaker?"
The girl said, "No." The teacher asked why she was standing and the girl said, "You looked lonely."
 

A teacher asked a boy a question after she had read her lesson. The boy just held his ears and shut his mouth
"Why are you not giving me any answer?"
"Because what ever you taught me goes in my ears and if I open my mouth, I will forget everything you said."
 

Mom: Why aren't you doing well in history?
Child: Because the teacher keeps asking about things that happened before I was born!
 

Teacher: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
Simon: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
 

Mother: George, why does your geography exam have a big zero over it?
George: It is not a zero, Mum. The teacher ran out of stars, so she gave me a moon instead!
 

A teacher asked her first grade class to bring their birth certificates to class. When the time came to give them to her, David stood up and said very politely, "Teacher, I forgot my excuse for being born."
 

Student: Teacher, Teacher!
Teacher: Yes?
Student: Can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: After you recite the alphabet.
Student: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z!
Teacher: Where did the P go?
Student: It's running down my leg!
 

Teacher: Millie, give me a sentence starting with I.
Millie: I is...
Teacher: No, Millie. Always say I am.
Millie: All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
 

Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria.
Socks can eat anywhere they want.
 

Teacher: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
Maria: Here it is.
Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
Class: Maria.
 

A boy showed his mom his report card and said, "Mom I'm 3rd in my class."
The mom said, "Good job!"
Then the boy said, "But there are only three boys in my class!"
 

Student: The brain is a wonderful thing.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Student: Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you get asked a question in class!
 

There was a really dumb girl and she failed a test. Her teacher wanted her to come in after school and make it up. On the note home to her parents the teacher wrote: Make up test.
The following day the girl brought lipstick and eye shadow to school.
 

Now I lay my head to rest
A pile of books upon my chest
If I shall die before I wake
That's one less test I have to take.
 

Once there was a boy who needed to do his home work. His homework was to write down his family's favourite words.
So when he got home he asked his mom who was listening to the radio, "What is your favourite word mom?"
"Shut up!" So he wrote that down.
Then he went to his dad who was watching football and his favourite team had just scored a goal, so the little boy asked his dad,"What is your favourite word dad?"
"Yeah!" So he wrote that down.
Next he went to his big sister and he asked her, "What is your favourite word?"
She was listening to her favourite CD and said, "A lollipop, a lollipop, a lollipop." So he wrote that down.
Next he went to his brother. He was watching the end of Batman, he asked him, "What is your favourite word?"
"Nananananananana Batman!" so he wrote that down.
Then he went to his baby sister who was playing with her cars. So he asked her, "What is your favourite word?"
"Voom, voom car, a voom, voom car." So he wrote that down.
The next day at school, the teacher asked him to share his homework with the class
He said, "Shut up!"
The teacher said, "Do you want to go to the principal's office?"
"Yeah!"
"What do you think you deserve?"
"A lollipop, a lollipop, a lollipop."
"Who do you think you are?"
"Nananananananana Batman!"
"What do you think you are going to get away with?"
"Voom, voom car, a voom, voom car."
 

Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
Louie: Because George still had the axe in his hand?
 

Teacher: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
Winnie: Me!
 

When Dad came home he was astonished to see Alec sitting on a horse writing something. "What on earth are you doing up there?" Dad asked.
"Well the teacher told us to write an essay on our favourite animal. That's why I'm up here and sitting on the goldfish bowl!"
 

A teacher says to a student, "I thought I told you to go to the back of the line?"
The student says, "I did, but someone was there!"
 

Teacher: Who is smart? Put up your hand.
Then all the students except Ken raise their hand.
Teacher: Ken, why aren't you raising your hand?
Ken: Because if I raise my hand than you'll be all alone.
 


 We also have jokes about…