Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Halloween Jokes

We've got lots of funny Halloween jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What do you call ghosts that ring doorbells?
A. Dead ringers.

Q. Why did the ghost bring toilet paper to the party?
A. Because he was a party pooper.

Q. What do ghosts serve for dessert?
A. Ice SCREAM and BOOberries!

Q. Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?
A. Because everyone was a goblin!

Q. What do you get if you cross a skeleton with a famous detective?
A. Sherlock Bones!

Q. Why did the vampires cancel the baseball game?
A. Because they couldn't find their bats.

Q. What did the ghosts eat for dinner?
A. Spoke!

Q. What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
A. "Long time no see."

Q. Why did the skeleton go scuba diving?
A. Because he wanted to get some muscles!

Q. How do you make a skeleton laugh?
A. Tickle its funnybone!

Q. What do you call a dead person in the closet?
A. The 1966 hide-and-go-seek champion.

Q. How was Frankenstien's birth?
A. Shocking.

Q. What school subject is a witch good at?
A. Spelling.

Q. What do you call candy corn?
A. Pumpkin poop!

Q. Why did the Cyclops close his school?
A. Because he only had one pupil.

Q. What do you get when you cross a hot dog and Halloween?
A. A Hallo-weenie!

Q. Why was Dracula put in jail?
A. He tried to rob a blood bank.

Q. What is a skeleton's favourite drink?
A. Milk, it's white and good for your bones.

Q. What did the skeleton say before a meal?
A. Bone appetite!

Q. What's a vampire's favourite part of the guitar?
A. The neck.

Q. Why didn't the ghost go boo?
A. Because it had no guts.

Q. How did the ghost teach her class to go through the wall?
A. She went through it over and over.

Q. Why didn't the mummy answer the phone?
A. He was all tied up!

Q. What do you call a fat vampire slayer?
A. Puffy!

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Q. What did the skeleton order with his drink?
A. A mop.

Q. What do ghosts say to one another to show that they care?
A. "I love BOO!"

Q. What do skeletons say at the front door?
A. "Crick or creak!"

Q. What did one casket say to the other casket?
A. "Is that you coffin?" (coughing)

Q. What pants do ghosts wear?
A. BOO jeans.

Q. What does a ghost keep in its stable?
A. Nightmares.

Q. What does a panda ghost eat?
A. Bam-BOO!

Q. What do you get when two skeletons dance in a biscuit tin?
A. Noise!

Q. When do vampires like horse racing?
A. When it's neck and neck!

Q. What do monsters order in fast food restaurants?
A. French FRIGHTS!

Q. What do witches call for in a hotel room?
A. Broom service.

Q. What did the mummy ghost say to the noisy young ghost who kept interrupting?
A. "Spook when you're spooken to."

Q. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
A. "Watch the board and I'll go through it again."

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. Why do people like vampires so much?
A. Because they are FANGtastic!

Q. What is a ghost's favorite fruit?
A. BOOberries.

Q. What does Dracula say when he doesn't have good news?
A. "I have BAT news, everyone!"

Q. Why doesn't a witch wear a flat hat?
A. Because there's no point in it!

Q. What happens when a ghost haunts a theatre?
A. The actors get stage fright.

Q. Why don't you eat ghosts?
A. They'll go right through you.

Q. Why did Dracula go to the library?
A. He wanted a good book to sink his teeth into!

Q. What key opens a Haunted House?
A. A spooKEY!

Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.

Q. Why can't you tell a skeleton a secret?
A. Because it goes in one ear and out the other.

Q. What do you call two witches who share a broom?
A. Broom mates.

Q. How do you know if a vampire has a sore throat?
A. You can hear him coughin'.

Q. Why did the skeleton go to the store?
A. To get some spare ribs.

Q. What is a hotdog's favorite phrase?
A. Happy HalloWEINIE!

Q. Where do ghosts get their mail?
A. At the ghost office.

Q. What is a ghost's favourite ride?
A. A roller-ghoster.

Q. What does a bird say on Halloween?
A. Twick or tweet!

Q. What did the witch have for snack?
A. A sandwich.

Q. Why didn't the skeleton want to go to the dance?
A. Because he had no body to go with.

Q. What does a ghost call his mom and dad?
A. His transparents.

Q. Frankenstein and Dracula had a match. Who won?
A. Frankenstein because Dracula sucks.

Q. What did the ghost say when it sneezed?
A. "Ahh BOO!"

Q. Where did the mother monster put her child when she was at work?
A. At day-SCARE!

Q. Why don't skeletons play music in church?
A. They have no organs.

Q. What did the witch say when she fell in the moat?
A. "My eels are killing me!"

Q. What is a popular search engine for ghosts?
A. GHOULgle!

Q. What do you read on Halloween?
A. BOO-ks

Q. What do vampires sing on New Year's Eve?
A. Auld Fang Syne!

Q. What do you do when you see a ghost?
A. Run away of course!

Q. What do you call a mummy eating in bed?
A. A crummy mummy.

Q. Who won the zombie war?
A. Nobody, it was dead even.

Q. What is the problem with two twin witches?
A. You never know which witch is which!

Q. What did one ghost say to the other?
A. "Do you believe in people?!"

Q. What street does a vampire live on?
A. A dead end!

Q. What is worse than being a three hundred pound witch?
A. Being her broom.

Q. What is a mummy's favorite kind of music?
A. Rap!

Q. What is Dracula's favourite fruit?
A. A nectarine.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Wolves say
Wolves say who?
Wolves say Happy HOWL-oween!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Boo!
Boo! who?
No, no, don't cry! I was just kidding.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ivana
Ivana who?
Ivana suck your blood.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Frank
Frank who?
Frankenstein!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad it's Halloween?!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
The ghost and the invisible man
The ghost and the invisible man who?
Long time no see!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Boo
Boo who?
Didn't mean to scare you!

Jokes

A ghost had been staying in a bed and breakfast hotel and when he came down for dinner he asked the waitress, "Please can I have two eggs, one tough and one rubbery, really tough bacon and burned, fried bread?"
The waitress said, "Sir, we really can't serve that kind of horrid food here."
The ghost replied, "Well, you did yesterday!"
 

Monster: It is a very hot day today!
Witch: So, can I make you a lemonade?
Monster: Yes!
Witch: Poof! You're lemonade!
 

Patty came up to a boy with a sheet over his head on Halloween and asked, "Are you a ghost?"
The boy replied, "No, of course not! I'm an unmade bed!"
 

A skeleton walks in to a bar. He goes to the bartender and says, "I'm going to need a beer and a mop."
 

A guy named Billie Bob Joe goes to a costume dress party with a girl on his back.

Harold, answering the door: What are you supposed to be?
Billie Bob Joe: A turtle.
Harold: What do you mean?
Billie Bob Joe: The girl on my back is Michelle.
 

A skeleton went to the doctor. The doctor looked at the skeleton and said, "Aren't you a little late?"
 

Robert: Did you hear about the goblin that lost his left leg and his left arm?
Alan: No, is he ok?
Robert: Yes. He's all right now!
 

Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire.
Doctor: Drink this glass of water.
Patient: Will it make me better?
Doctor: No, but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.
 


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