Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Halloween Jokes

We've got lots of funny Halloween jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. Why was Dracula put in jail?
A. He tried to rob a blood bank.

Q. What did the ghost say when it sneezed?
A. "Ahh BOO!"

Q. When do vampires like horse racing?
A. When it's neck and neck!

Q. What is a ghost's favorite color?
A. Boo!

Q. What do you call a mummy eating in bed?
A. A crummy mummy.

Q. What games do bats like to play on Halloween?
A. Anything with a ball.

Q. How do you make a skeleton laugh?
A. Tickle its funnybone!

Q. What did the skeleton say after dinner?
A. "Everything I eat goes right through me!"

Q. What did the witch have for snack?
A. A sandwich.

Q. Why don't mummies take vacations?
A. They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.

Q. What did the jack-o'-lantern say to the other jack-o'-lantern when they were on their way to a Halloween party?
A. "Let's get glowing."

Q. Where is the zombie's favorite room in the house?
A. The living room.

Q. What time is it when you see costumes, a house, candy and hear trick-or-treat?
A. Halloween!

Q. What is a hotdog's favorite phrase?
A. Happy HalloWEINIE!

Q. How do you make a witch itch?
A. Take away her W.

Q. What do skeletons say at the front door?
A. "Crick or creak!"

Q. What did the witch say when she fell in the moat?
A. "My eels are killing me!"

Q. What do you call a dead person in the closet?
A. The 1966 hide-and-go-seek champion.

Q. What song do vampires hate?
A. "You are my sunshine!"

Q. What did the ghost put on his bagel?
A. SCREAM cheese!

Q. What does a panda ghost eat?
A. Bam-BOO!

Q. Where did the mother monster put her child when she was at work?
A. At day-SCARE!

Q. What's a monster's favourite game?
A. Swallow the Leader!

Q. What do you get when you cross a hot dog and Halloween?
A. A Hallo-weenie!

Q. What do you call a skeleton that lies on its grave?
A. Lazy bones!

Q. Why doesn't a witch wear a flat hat?
A. Because there's no point in it!

Q. How did the ghost teach her class to go through the wall?
A. She went through it over and over.

Q. What do ghosts serve for dessert?
A. I scream.

Q. What do you do when you see a ghost?
A. Run away of course!

Q. Why couldn't the skeleton laugh?
A. Because he lost his funny bone.

Q. What do you get when you cross a ghost and a goblin?
A. I don't know, but it doesn't sound good to me!

Q. What do you call candy corn?
A. Pumpkin poop!

Q. Why did the vampires cancel the baseball game?
A. Because they couldn't find their bats.

Q. What do you get when you cross a mummy with a vampire bat?
A. A flying Band-Aid.

Q. Why didn't the mummy answer the phone?
A. He was all tied up!

Q. What is worse than being a three hundred pound witch?
A. Being her broom.

Q. Where do baby ghosts go when their mom goes to work?
A. A scare centre!

Q. Why don't you eat ghosts?
A. They'll go right through you.

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. How was Frankenstien's birth?
A. Shocking.

Q. What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
A. "Long time no see."

Q. What did the werewolf eat after he'd had his teeth cleaned?
A. The dentist.

Q. What kind of streets do zombies live on?
A. Dead-ends.

Q. What do ghosts wear on their feet?
A. BOOts.

Q. What is a skeleton's favourite drink?
A. Milk, it's white and good for your bones.

Q. Why didn't the skeleton want to go to the dance?
A. Because he had no body to go with.

Q. Who did Dracula bring to the prom?
A. His ghoul friend.

Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.

Q. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
A. "Watch the board and I'll go through it again."

Q. Why are ghosts always hungry?
A. Because the food goes right through them!

Q. What happens when a ghost haunts a theatre?
A. The actors get stage fright.

Q. What do ghosts serve for dessert?
A. Ice SCREAM and BOOberries!

Q. What is the problem with two twin witches?
A. You never know which witch is which!

Q. Why don't skeletons play music in church?
A. They have no organs.

Q. What do monsters order in fast food restaurants?
A. French FRIGHTS!

Q. What did the vampire say to his wife?
A. "Your neck looks slimmer."

Q. What did one casket say to the other casket?
A. "Is that you coffin?" (coughing)

Q. What do you call an overweight pumpkin?
A. A plumpkin!

Q. What did the mummy ghost say to the noisy young ghost who kept interrupting?
A. "Spook when you're spooken to."

Q. What is Dracula's favourite fruit?
A. A nectarine.

Q. What does a ghost keep in its stable?
A. Nightmares.

Q. Where did the ghost go on vacation?
A. The BOO-hamas!

Q. Why did the ghost bring toilet paper to the party?
A. Because he was a party pooper.

Q. Why did Dracula go to the library?
A. He wanted a good book to sink his teeth into!

Q. Why did the skeleton go scuba diving?
A. Because he wanted to get some muscles!

Q. What key opens a Haunted House?
A. A spooKEY!

Q. Where did the baby ghost sit?
A. In a BOOster seat!

Q. What does a wolf say on Halloween?
A. "Happy HOWLoween!"

Q. What's a vampire's favourite part of the guitar?
A. The neck.

Q. What does a ghost call his mom and dad?
A. His transparents.

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Q. How do ghosts like their eggs?
A. Terror-fried.

Q. Where do you go when a ghost is chasing you?
A. To the living room!

Q. What is a skeleton's favourite instrument?
A. The trombone.

Q. What school subject is a witch good at?
A. Spelling.

Q. What do you get when you cross a moose and a ghost?
A. A cariboo!

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Wolves say
Wolves say who?
Wolves say Happy HOWL-oween!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Boo!
Boo! who?
No, no, don't cry! I was just kidding.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ivana
Ivana who?
Ivana suck your blood.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Frank
Frank who?
Frankenstein!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad it's Halloween?!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
The ghost and the invisible man
The ghost and the invisible man who?
Long time no see!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Boo
Boo who?
Didn't mean to scare you!

Jokes

A ghost had been staying in a bed and breakfast hotel and when he came down for dinner he asked the waitress, "Please can I have two eggs, one tough and one rubbery, really tough bacon and burned, fried bread?"
The waitress said, "Sir, we really can't serve that kind of horrid food here."
The ghost replied, "Well, you did yesterday!"
 

Monster: It is a very hot day today!
Witch: So, can I make you a lemonade?
Monster: Yes!
Witch: Poof! You're lemonade!
 

Patty came up to a boy with a sheet over his head on Halloween and asked, "Are you a ghost?"
The boy replied, "No, of course not! I'm an unmade bed!"
 

A skeleton walks in to a bar. He goes to the bartender and says, "I'm going to need a beer and a mop."
 

A guy named Billie Bob Joe goes to a costume dress party with a girl on his back.

Harold, answering the door: What are you supposed to be?
Billie Bob Joe: A turtle.
Harold: What do you mean?
Billie Bob Joe: The girl on my back is Michelle.
 

A skeleton went to the doctor. The doctor looked at the skeleton and said, "Aren't you a little late?"
 

Robert: Did you hear about the goblin that lost his left leg and his left arm?
Alan: No, is he ok?
Robert: Yes. He's all right now!
 

Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire.
Doctor: Drink this glass of water.
Patient: Will it make me better?
Doctor: No, but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.
 


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