Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Halloween Jokes

We've got lots of funny Halloween jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. Why can't Dracula play baseball?
A. He lost his bat.

Q. Why didn't the skeleton want to go to the dance?
A. Because he had no body to go with.

Q. What did the skeleton say before a meal?
A. Bone appetite!

Q. What games do bats like to play on Halloween?
A. Anything with a ball.

Q. What do ghosts serve for dessert?
A. Ice SCREAM and BOOberries!

Q. What does a wolf say on Halloween?
A. "Happy HOWLoween!"

Q. What do monsters order in fast food restaurants?
A. French FRIGHTS!

Q. How did the ghost teach her class to go through the wall?
A. She went through it over and over.

Q. Where is the zombie's favorite room in the house?
A. The living room.

Q. Frankenstein and Dracula had a match. Who won?
A. Frankenstein because Dracula sucks.

Q. What did the ghost put on his bagel?
A. SCREAM cheese!

Q. What is a ghost's favorite color?
A. Boo!

Q. How do phantoms travel?
A. Ghost to ghost.

Q. Why did the skeleton go scuba diving?
A. Because he wanted to get some muscles!

Q. Where did the ghost go on vacation?
A. The BOO-hamas!

Q. Where does a vampire keep his money?
A. In a blood bank.

Q. What did one casket say to the other casket?
A. "Is that you coffin?" (coughing)

Q. Why do people like vampires so much?
A. Because they are FANGtastic!

Q. What do ghosts eat for dinner?
A. SPOOKgetti!

Q. What is the problem with two twin witches?
A. You never know which witch is which!

Q. What is Dracula's favourite fruit?
A. A nectarine.

Q. Who did Dracula bring to the prom?
A. His ghoul friend.

Q. What do vampires never order at a cafe?
A. A STAKE sandwich!

Q. What do you call a mummy eating in bed?
A. A crummy mummy.

Q. What did the skeleton say after dinner?
A. "Everything I eat goes right through me!"

Q. Why don't skeletons play music in church?
A. They have no organs.

Q. Why doesn't a witch wear a flat hat?
A. Because there's no point in it!

Q. What kind of dog does a vampire have?
A. A bloodhound.

Q. What is a hotdog's favorite phrase?
A. Happy HalloWEINIE!

Q. What does a ghost keep in its stable?
A. Nightmares.

Q. What do you read on Halloween?
A. BOO-ks

Q. What is a ghost's favourite ride?
A. A roller-ghoster.

Q. What do you do when you see a ghost?
A. Run away of course!

Q. Why was Dracula put in jail?
A. He tried to rob a blood bank.

Q. What monster wears the most clothes?
A. A werewolf!

Q. Where do baby ghosts go when their mom goes to work?
A. A scare centre!

Q. What song do vampires hate?
A. Here Comes The Sun!

Q. What do witches call for in a hotel room?
A. Broom service.

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. How do you make a witch itch?
A. Take away her W.

Q. What did the mummy ghost say to the noisy young ghost who kept interrupting?
A. "Spook when you're spooken to."

Q. What room can't ghosts go in?
A. The LIVING room!

Q. What is worse than being a three hundred pound witch?
A. Being her broom.

Q. What key opens a Haunted House?
A. A spooKEY!

Q. Where did the mother monster put her child when she was at work?
A. At day-SCARE!

Q. Why is it hard for a ghost to tell a lie?
A. Because you can see right through him.

Q. You are dreaming. A monster comes up to you and takes you away. He puts you in an oven and turns it on. Any moment he will be eating you. What should you do?
A. Pinch yourself.

Q. What did the jack-o'-lantern say to the other jack-o'-lantern when they were on their way to a Halloween party?
A. "Let's get glowing."

Q. What's a monster's favourite game?
A. Swallow the Leader!

Q. What did the witch have for snack?
A. A sandwich.

Q. Why did the skeleton go to the store?
A. To get some spare ribs.

Q. Did you hear about the skeleton and his girlfriend?
A. They broke up and he was shattered!

Q. What is a ghost's favorite fruit?
A. BOOberries.

Q. What is a witch's favourite food?
A. Goulash.

Q. When do vampires like horse racing?
A. When it's neck and neck!

Q. How was Frankenstien's birth?
A. Shocking.

Q. What did the werewolf eat after he'd had his teeth cleaned?
A. The dentist.

Q. What is Dracula's favorite fruit?
A. A Blood Orange.

Q. What did the ghost say to his wife?
A. "You look so BOOtiful."

Q. What did the skeleton order with his drink?
A. A mop.

Q. What does Frankenstein's wife wear on her face to keep it smooth?
A. MONSTERizer!

Q. What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
A. Any old girl he can dig up.

Q. Why did the skeleton go to the barbecue?
A. To get a spare rib .

Q. What time is it when you see costumes, a house, candy and hear trick-or-treat?
A. Halloween!

Q. Why don't mummies take vacations?
A. They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.

Q. What does a bird say on Halloween?
A. Twick or tweet!

Q. Why did the mummy get a headache?
A. Because he was GOBLIN his candy!

Q. How do ghosts like their eggs?
A. Terror-fried.

Q. Where do ghosts get their mail?
A. At the ghost office.

Q. What do goblins and ghosts drink when they're hot and thirsty on Halloween?
A. Ghoul-aid!

Q. What did the ghost say when it sneezed?
A. "Ahh BOO!"

Q. Why did the skeleton stand in the corner during his prom?
A. He had no body to dance with!

Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.

Q. Why didn't Dracula have any friends?
A. He was a pain in the neck!

Q. Where did the baby ghost sit?
A. In a BOOster seat!

Q. What happens when a ghost haunts a theatre?
A. The actors get stage fright.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Wolves say
Wolves say who?
Wolves say Happy HOWL-oween!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Boo!
Boo! who?
No, no, don't cry! I was just kidding.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ivana
Ivana who?
Ivana suck your blood.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Frank
Frank who?
Frankenstein!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad it's Halloween?!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
The ghost and the invisible man
The ghost and the invisible man who?
Long time no see!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Boo
Boo who?
Didn't mean to scare you!

Jokes

A ghost had been staying in a bed and breakfast hotel and when he came down for dinner he asked the waitress, "Please can I have two eggs, one tough and one rubbery, really tough bacon and burned, fried bread?"
The waitress said, "Sir, we really can't serve that kind of horrid food here."
The ghost replied, "Well, you did yesterday!"
 

Monster: It is a very hot day today!
Witch: So, can I make you a lemonade?
Monster: Yes!
Witch: Poof! You're lemonade!
 

Patty came up to a boy with a sheet over his head on Halloween and asked, "Are you a ghost?"
The boy replied, "No, of course not! I'm an unmade bed!"
 

A skeleton walks in to a bar. He goes to the bartender and says, "I'm going to need a beer and a mop."
 

A guy named Billie Bob Joe goes to a costume dress party with a girl on his back.

Harold, answering the door: What are you supposed to be?
Billie Bob Joe: A turtle.
Harold: What do you mean?
Billie Bob Joe: The girl on my back is Michelle.
 

A skeleton went to the doctor. The doctor looked at the skeleton and said, "Aren't you a little late?"
 

Robert: Did you hear about the goblin that lost his left leg and his left arm?
Alan: No, is he ok?
Robert: Yes. He's all right now!
 

Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire.
Doctor: Drink this glass of water.
Patient: Will it make me better?
Doctor: No, but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.
 


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