Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Halloween Jokes

We've got lots of funny Halloween jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. When do vampires like horse racing?
A. When it's neck and neck!

Q. What is a ghost's favorite fruit?
A. BOOberries.

Q. What do vampires sing on New Year's Eve?
A. Auld Fang Syne!

Q. What do ghosts eat for dinner?
A. SPOOKgetti!

Q. What is a mummy's favorite kind of music?
A. Rap!

Q. Why was the little ghost crying?
A. Because he wanted his mummy.

Q. Why did the ghost join the team?
A. They needed more spirit!

Q. What did the vampire say to his wife?
A. "Your neck looks slimmer."

Q. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
A. "Watch the board and I'll go through it again."

Q. What do ghosts say to one another to show that they care?
A. "I love BOO!"

Q. What do you call a skeleton that lies on its grave?
A. Lazy bones!

Q. Where do baby ghosts go when their mom goes to work?
A. A scare centre!

Q. What do you get when you cross a mummy with a vampire bat?
A. A flying Band-Aid.

Q. How do you make a skeleton laugh?
A. Tickle its funnybone!

Q. What is a skeleton's favourite drink?
A. Milk, it's white and good for your bones.

Q. How do phantoms travel?
A. Ghost to ghost.

Q. What do you call a fat vampire slayer?
A. Puffy!

Q. Why don't you eat ghosts?
A. They'll go right through you.

Q. What did the skeleton say after dinner?
A. "Everything I eat goes right through me!"

Q. What kind of streets do zombies live on?
A. Dead-ends.

Q. What is the radius of a pumpkin?
A. Pi.

Q. How do ghosts like their eggs?
A. Terror-fried.

Q. What pants do ghosts wear?
A. BOO jeans.

Q. Where is the zombie's favorite room in the house?
A. The living room.

Q. What did the little ghost say to his mom?
A. "I've got a boo boo."

Q. Where do you go when a ghost is chasing you?
A. To the living room!

Q. What do you call a pig dressed as Frankenstein?
A. FrankenSWINE.

Q. What do you call two witches that live together?
A. Broom mates.

Q. What does a bird say on Halloween?
A. Twick or tweet!

Q. How do you know if a vampire has a sore throat?
A. You can hear him coughin'.

Q. What song do vampires hate?
A. "You are my sunshine!"

Q. Why was the skeleton scared to cross the road?
A. Because there was a dog on the other side.

Q. Where does a vampire keep his money?
A. In a blood bank.

Q. Why don't skeletons fight?
A. Because they don't have the guts!

Q. What does a wolf say on Halloween?
A. "Happy HOWLoween!"

Q. Why did the ghost bring toilet paper to the party?
A. Because he was a party pooper.

Q. Why did the skeleton go to the store?
A. To get some spare ribs.

Q. What do you call a vampire 200 miles from a blood bank?
A. A cab.

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. What did the ghost say to his wife?
A. "You look so BOOtiful."

Q. What does Dracula say when he doesn't have good news?
A. "I have BAT news, everyone!"

Q. You are dreaming. A monster comes up to you and takes you away. He puts you in an oven and turns it on. Any moment he will be eating you. What should you do?
A. Pinch yourself.

Q. What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
A. Any old girl he can dig up.

Q. How did the ghost teach her class to go through the wall?
A. She went through it over and over.

Q. What is a ghost's favourite ride?
A. A roller-ghoster.

Q. Why was Dracula put in jail?
A. He tried to rob a blood bank.

Q. What monster wears the most clothes?
A. A werewolf!

Q. What is the problem with two twin witches?
A. You never know which witch is which!

Q. What does a ghost keep in its stable?
A. Nightmares.

Q. What did the skeleton order with his drink?
A. A mop.

Q. Why doesn't a witch wear a flat hat?
A. Because there's no point in it!

Q. Who does Frankenstein invite to his party?
A. Anyone he can gobble up!

Q. Where did the ghost go on vacation?
A. The BOO-hamas!

Q. What did the ghosts eat for dinner?
A. Spoke!

Q. Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
A. Because he had no guts.

Q. What key opens a Haunted House?
A. A spooKEY!

Q. What did the ghost say when it sneezed?
A. "Ahh BOO!"

Q. What did the werewolf eat after he'd had his teeth cleaned?
A. The dentist.

Q. Why don't mummies take vacations?
A. They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.

Q. What is a ghost's favorite color?
A. Boo!

Q. What's a vampire's favourite part of the guitar?
A. The neck.

Q. Why didn't the skeleton want to go to the dance?
A. Because he had no body to go with.

Q. What did the witch say when she fell in the moat?
A. "My eels are killing me!"

Q. What do you get when you cross a hot dog and Halloween?
A. A Hallo-weenie!

Q. Where do ghosts get their mail?
A. At the ghost office.

Q. Why do witches fly around on broomsticks?
A. Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy!

Q. Why don't skeletons play music in church?
A. They have no organs.

Q. Why did the vampires cancel the baseball game?
A. Because they couldn't find their bats.

Q. What is Dracula's favourite fruit?
A. A nectarine.

Q. What do you call a nervous witch?
A. A twitch.

Q. Why can't Dracula play baseball?
A. He lost his bat.

Q. What is Dracula's favorite fruit?
A. A Blood Orange.

Q. What do you call two witches who share a broom?
A. Broom mates.

Q. Why did the skeleton go to the barbecue?
A. To get a spare rib .

Q. Frankenstein and Dracula had a match. Who won?
A. Frankenstein because Dracula sucks.

Q. Who did Dracula take to the movies?
A. His GHOUL friend.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Wolves say
Wolves say who?
Wolves say Happy HOWL-oween!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Boo!
Boo! who?
No, no, don't cry! I was just kidding.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ivana
Ivana who?
Ivana suck your blood.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Frank
Frank who?
Frankenstein!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad it's Halloween?!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
The ghost and the invisible man
The ghost and the invisible man who?
Long time no see!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Boo
Boo who?
Didn't mean to scare you!

Jokes

A ghost had been staying in a bed and breakfast hotel and when he came down for dinner he asked the waitress, "Please can I have two eggs, one tough and one rubbery, really tough bacon and burned, fried bread?"
The waitress said, "Sir, we really can't serve that kind of horrid food here."
The ghost replied, "Well, you did yesterday!"
 

Monster: It is a very hot day today!
Witch: So, can I make you a lemonade?
Monster: Yes!
Witch: Poof! You're lemonade!
 

Patty came up to a boy with a sheet over his head on Halloween and asked, "Are you a ghost?"
The boy replied, "No, of course not! I'm an unmade bed!"
 

A skeleton walks in to a bar. He goes to the bartender and says, "I'm going to need a beer and a mop."
 

A guy named Billie Bob Joe goes to a costume dress party with a girl on his back.

Harold, answering the door: What are you supposed to be?
Billie Bob Joe: A turtle.
Harold: What do you mean?
Billie Bob Joe: The girl on my back is Michelle.
 

A skeleton went to the doctor. The doctor looked at the skeleton and said, "Aren't you a little late?"
 

Robert: Did you hear about the goblin that lost his left leg and his left arm?
Alan: No, is he ok?
Robert: Yes. He's all right now!
 

Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire.
Doctor: Drink this glass of water.
Patient: Will it make me better?
Doctor: No, but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.
 


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