Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Halloween Jokes

We've got lots of funny Halloween jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What did the ghosts eat for dinner?
A. Spoke!

Q. What do you call a skeleton that lies on its grave?
A. Lazy bones!

Q. What is a popular search engine for ghosts?
A. GHOULgle!

Q. What games do bats like to play on Halloween?
A. Anything with a ball.

Q. What do you call a fat vampire slayer?
A. Puffy!

Q. Why was the skeleton scared to cross the road?
A. Because there was a dog on the other side.

Q. What do ghosts serve for dessert?
A. Ice SCREAM and BOOberries!

Q. Where do ghosts get their mail?
A. At the ghost office.

Q. What pants do ghosts wear?
A. BOO jeans.

Q. Why doesn't a witch wear a flat hat?
A. Because there's no point in it!

Q. What is a skeleton's favourite instrument?
A. The trombone.

Q. What did the ghost say when it sneezed?
A. "Ahh BOO!"

Q. What do you call a vampire 200 miles from a blood bank?
A. A cab.

Q. Why are ghosts always hungry?
A. Because the food goes right through them!

Q. Why did the ghost join the team?
A. They needed more spirit!

Q. What do you call an overweight pumpkin?
A. A plumpkin!

Q. What is a ghost's favourite ride?
A. A roller-ghoster.

Q. Where do you go when a ghost is chasing you?
A. To the living room!

Q. What room can't ghosts go in?
A. The LIVING room!

Q. What does a ghost call his mom and dad?
A. His transparents.

Q. What do you do when you see a ghost?
A. Run away of course!

Q. What does a panda ghost eat?
A. Bam-BOO!

Q. What is a mummy's favorite kind of music?
A. Rap!

Q. Who did Dracula take to the movies?
A. His GHOUL friend.

Q. Why did the skeleton go to the barbecue?
A. To get a spare rib .

Q. What's a vampire's favourite part of the guitar?
A. The neck.

Q. What does a ghost keep in its stable?
A. Nightmares.

Q. What's a monster's favourite game?
A. Swallow the Leader!

Q. What monster wears the most clothes?
A. A werewolf!

Q. What do you call ghosts that ring doorbells?
A. Dead ringers.

Q. Why can't you tell a skeleton a secret?
A. Because it goes in one ear and out the other.

Q. What school subject is a witch good at?
A. Spelling.

Q. What do skeletons say at the front door?
A. "Crick or creak!"

Q. Why do people like vampires so much?
A. Because they are FANGtastic!

Q. What is a ghost's favorite color?
A. Boo!

Q. What do you get when you cross a mummy with a vampire bat?
A. A flying Band-Aid.

Q. What do you get when two skeletons dance in a biscuit tin?
A. Noise!

Q. How do phantoms travel?
A. Ghost to ghost.

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. How did the ghost teach her class to go through the wall?
A. She went through it over and over.

Q. Why was the little ghost crying?
A. Because he wanted his mummy.

Q. Why don't skeletons fight?
A. Because they don't have the guts!

Q. What did the mummy ghost say to the noisy young ghost who kept interrupting?
A. "Spook when you're spooken to."

Q. What song do vampires hate?
A. "You are my sunshine!"

Q. What did the vampire bring to the baseball field?
A. His bats!

Q. Why is it hard for a ghost to tell a lie?
A. Because you can see right through him.

Q. What kind of dog does a vampire have?
A. A bloodhound.

Q. How do ghosts like their eggs?
A. Terror-fried.

Q. What song do vampires hate?
A. Here Comes The Sun!

Q. Where did the ghost go on vacation?
A. The BOO-hamas!

Q. Who won the zombie war?
A. Nobody, it was dead even.

Q. What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
A. "Long time no see."

Q. Who did Dracula bring to the prom?
A. His ghoul friend.

Q. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
A. "Watch the board and I'll go through it again."

Q. Where do baby ghosts go when their mom goes to work?
A. A scare centre!

Q. What kind of streets do zombies live on?
A. Dead-ends.

Q. What is Dracula's favourite fruit?
A. A nectarine.

Q. What did the ghost say to his wife?
A. "You look so BOOtiful."

Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.

Q. Why did the Cyclops close his school?
A. Because he only had one pupil.

Q. Why didn't the skeleton want to go to the dance?
A. Because he had no body to go with.

Q. What do vampires sing on New Year's Eve?
A. Auld Fang Syne!

Q. What is worse than being a three hundred pound witch?
A. Being her broom.

Q. Why do witches fly around on broomsticks?
A. Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy!

Q. What did the skeleton say after dinner?
A. "Everything I eat goes right through me!"

Q. How do you make a witch itch?
A. Take away her W.

Q. Where did the mother monster put her child when she was at work?
A. At day-SCARE!

Q. What do ghosts eat for dinner?
A. SPOOKgetti!

Q. What did the ghost put on his bagel?
A. SCREAM cheese!

Q. What do monsters order in fast food restaurants?
A. French FRIGHTS!

Q. What did the skeleton order with his drink?
A. A mop.

Q. Where do movie stars go on Halloween?
A. MaliBOO!

Q. What street does a vampire live on?
A. A dead end!

Q. What happens when a ghost haunts a theatre?
A. The actors get stage fright.

Q. What key opens a Haunted House?
A. A spooKEY!

Q. Frankenstein and Dracula had a match. Who won?
A. Frankenstein because Dracula sucks.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Wolves say
Wolves say who?
Wolves say Happy HOWL-oween!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Boo!
Boo! who?
No, no, don't cry! I was just kidding.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ivana
Ivana who?
Ivana suck your blood.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Frank
Frank who?
Frankenstein!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad it's Halloween?!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
The ghost and the invisible man
The ghost and the invisible man who?
Long time no see!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Boo
Boo who?
Didn't mean to scare you!

Jokes

A ghost had been staying in a bed and breakfast hotel and when he came down for dinner he asked the waitress, "Please can I have two eggs, one tough and one rubbery, really tough bacon and burned, fried bread?"
The waitress said, "Sir, we really can't serve that kind of horrid food here."
The ghost replied, "Well, you did yesterday!"
 

Monster: It is a very hot day today!
Witch: So, can I make you a lemonade?
Monster: Yes!
Witch: Poof! You're lemonade!
 

Patty came up to a boy with a sheet over his head on Halloween and asked, "Are you a ghost?"
The boy replied, "No, of course not! I'm an unmade bed!"
 

A skeleton walks in to a bar. He goes to the bartender and says, "I'm going to need a beer and a mop."
 

A guy named Billie Bob Joe goes to a costume dress party with a girl on his back.

Harold, answering the door: What are you supposed to be?
Billie Bob Joe: A turtle.
Harold: What do you mean?
Billie Bob Joe: The girl on my back is Michelle.
 

A skeleton went to the doctor. The doctor looked at the skeleton and said, "Aren't you a little late?"
 

Robert: Did you hear about the goblin that lost his left leg and his left arm?
Alan: No, is he ok?
Robert: Yes. He's all right now!
 

Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire.
Doctor: Drink this glass of water.
Patient: Will it make me better?
Doctor: No, but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.
 


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