Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Halloween Jokes

We've got lots of funny Halloween jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. How do you make a witch itch?
A. Take away her W.

Q. What did the vampire bring to the baseball field?
A. His bats!

Q. What do ghosts like for dessert?
A. BOOberry pie!

Q. Why are ghosts always hungry?
A. Because the food goes right through them!

Q. What kind of candy won't a ghost touch?
A. Life Savers.

Q. Why can't you tell a skeleton a secret?
A. Because it goes in one ear and out the other.

Q. What monster wears the most clothes?
A. A werewolf!

Q. What happens when a ghost haunts a theatre?
A. The actors get stage fright.

Q. Why didn't the mummy answer the phone?
A. He was all tied up!

Q. Where do movie stars go on Halloween?
A. MaliBOO!

Q. What do ghosts say to one another to show that they care?
A. "I love BOO!"

Q. What games do bats like to play on Halloween?
A. Anything with a ball.

Q. What do you call an overweight pumpkin?
A. A plumpkin!

Q. How was Frankenstien's birth?
A. Shocking.

Q. Why did Dracula go to the library?
A. He wanted a good book to sink his teeth into!

Q. Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
A. Because he had no guts.

Q. What pants do ghosts wear?
A. BOO jeans.

Q. What do ghosts eat for dinner?
A. SPOOKgetti!

Q. Why couldn't the skeleton laugh?
A. Because he lost his funny bone.

Q. What is a skeleton's favourite instrument?
A. The trombone.

Q. What is a ghost's favorite fruit?
A. BOOberries.

Q. Why did the ghost join the team?
A. They needed more spirit!

Q. Why can't Dracula play baseball?
A. He lost his bat.

Q. Why didn't the ghost go boo?
A. Because it had no guts.

Q. What is a popular search engine for ghosts?
A. GHOULgle!

Q. How do you make a skeleton laugh?
A. Tickle its funnybone!

Q. What do you call a vampire 200 miles from a blood bank?
A. A cab.

Q. What song do vampires hate?
A. "You are my sunshine!"

Q. Why did the skeleton go to the store?
A. To get some spare ribs.

Q. What does a bird say on Halloween?
A. Twick or tweet!

Q. What does a wolf say on Halloween?
A. "Happy HOWLoween!"

Q. What do you call two witches that live together?
A. Broom mates.

Q. Why did the vampires cancel the baseball game?
A. Because they couldn't find their bats.

Q. What's a monster's favourite game?
A. Swallow the Leader!

Q. Where did the baby ghost sit?
A. In a BOOster seat!

Q. How do phantoms travel?
A. Ghost to ghost.

Q. When do vampires like horse racing?
A. When it's neck and neck!

Q. What do you get when you cross a mummy with a vampire bat?
A. A flying Band-Aid.

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. What do you get when you cross a ghost, a dog and a rooster?
A. A cockatoo!

Q. Why was the little ghost crying?
A. Because he wanted his mummy.

Q. What did the mummy ghost say to the noisy young ghost who kept interrupting?
A. "Spook when you're spooken to."

Q. What did the ghost say to his wife?
A. "You look so BOOtiful."

Q. What did the skeleton order with his drink?
A. A mop.

Q. What time is it when you see costumes, a house, candy and hear trick-or-treat?
A. Halloween!

Q. What did the skeleton say after dinner?
A. "Everything I eat goes right through me!"

Q. Where do ghosts get their mail?
A. At the ghost office.

Q. What did the ghost put on his bagel?
A. SCREAM cheese!

Q. How did the ghost teach her class to go through the wall?
A. She went through it over and over.

Q. What do you do when you see a ghost?
A. Run away of course!

Q. What is a witch's favourite food?
A. Goulash.

Q. What do ghosts wear on their feet?
A. BOOts.

Q. Why was Dracula put in jail?
A. He tried to rob a blood bank.

Q. What did one ghost say to the other?
A. "Do you believe in people?!"

Q. What do you call a nervous witch?
A. A twitch.

Q. What do you call candy corn?
A. Pumpkin poop!

Q. What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
A. "Long time no see."

Q. What do you get when two skeletons dance in a biscuit tin?
A. Noise!

Q. What did the ghost say when it sneezed?
A. "Ahh BOO!"

Q. Who did Dracula take to the movies?
A. His GHOUL friend.

Q. What key opens a Haunted House?
A. A spooKEY!

Q. What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
A. Any old girl he can dig up.

Q. What do you call a skeleton that lies on its grave?
A. Lazy bones!

Q. Why didn't the skeleton want to go to the dance?
A. Because he had no body to go with.

Q. What did the jack-o'-lantern say to the other jack-o'-lantern when they were on their way to a Halloween party?
A. "Let's get glowing."

Q. Where does a vampire keep his money?
A. In a blood bank.

Q. What do you get if you cross a skeleton with a famous detective?
A. Sherlock Bones!

Q. What do vampires never order at a cafe?
A. A STAKE sandwich!

Q. What do ghosts serve for dessert?
A. I scream.

Q. What did the pumpkin need for its boo boo?
A. A pumpkin patch.

Q. What does a ghost keep in its stable?
A. Nightmares.

Q. Why do people like vampires so much?
A. Because they are FANGtastic!

Q. What is a ghost's favorite color?
A. Boo!

Q. Who did Dracula bring to the prom?
A. His ghoul friend.

Q. What is the radius of a pumpkin?
A. Pi.

Q. What do skeletons say at the front door?
A. "Crick or creak!"

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Wolves say
Wolves say who?
Wolves say Happy HOWL-oween!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Boo!
Boo! who?
No, no, don't cry! I was just kidding.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ivana
Ivana who?
Ivana suck your blood.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Frank
Frank who?
Frankenstein!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad it's Halloween?!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
The ghost and the invisible man
The ghost and the invisible man who?
Long time no see!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Boo
Boo who?
Didn't mean to scare you!

Jokes

A ghost had been staying in a bed and breakfast hotel and when he came down for dinner he asked the waitress, "Please can I have two eggs, one tough and one rubbery, really tough bacon and burned, fried bread?"
The waitress said, "Sir, we really can't serve that kind of horrid food here."
The ghost replied, "Well, you did yesterday!"
 

Monster: It is a very hot day today!
Witch: So, can I make you a lemonade?
Monster: Yes!
Witch: Poof! You're lemonade!
 

Patty came up to a boy with a sheet over his head on Halloween and asked, "Are you a ghost?"
The boy replied, "No, of course not! I'm an unmade bed!"
 

A skeleton walks in to a bar. He goes to the bartender and says, "I'm going to need a beer and a mop."
 

A guy named Billie Bob Joe goes to a costume dress party with a girl on his back.

Harold, answering the door: What are you supposed to be?
Billie Bob Joe: A turtle.
Harold: What do you mean?
Billie Bob Joe: The girl on my back is Michelle.
 

A skeleton went to the doctor. The doctor looked at the skeleton and said, "Aren't you a little late?"
 

Robert: Did you hear about the goblin that lost his left leg and his left arm?
Alan: No, is he ok?
Robert: Yes. He's all right now!
 

Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire.
Doctor: Drink this glass of water.
Patient: Will it make me better?
Doctor: No, but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.
 


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