Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Halloween Jokes

We've got lots of funny Halloween jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. Why did the Cyclops close his school?
A. Because he only had one pupil.

Q. Why did the skeleton go to the store?
A. To get some spare ribs.

Q. Where do baby ghosts go when their mom goes to work?
A. A scare centre!

Q. Who did Dracula take to the movies?
A. His GHOUL friend.

Q. What do skeletons say at the front door?
A. "Crick or creak!"

Q. Why didn't the skeleton want to go to the dance?
A. Because he had no body to go with.

Q. Why was the little ghost crying?
A. Because he wanted his mummy.

Q. What do you get when two skeletons dance in a biscuit tin?
A. Noise!

Q. What does a ghost keep in its stable?
A. Nightmares.

Q. Where do ghosts get their mail?
A. At the ghost office.

Q. What is a ghost's favourite ride?
A. A roller-ghoster.

Q. What street does a vampire live on?
A. A dead end!

Q. What did the vampire bring to the baseball field?
A. His bats!

Q. What kind of streets do zombies live on?
A. Dead-ends.

Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.

Q. Where does a vampire keep his money?
A. In a blood bank.

Q. Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
A. Because he had no guts.

Q. What did one ghost say to the other?
A. "Do you believe in people?!"

Q. You are dreaming. A monster comes up to you and takes you away. He puts you in an oven and turns it on. Any moment he will be eating you. What should you do?
A. Pinch yourself.

Q. Why did the vampire give up acting?
A. Because he couldn't find a part he could sink his teeth into.

Q. Where did the mother monster put her child when she was at work?
A. At day-SCARE!

Q. Why did the skeleton go to the barbecue?
A. To get a spare rib .

Q. Why don't skeletons fight?
A. Because they don't have the guts!

Q. What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
A. "Long time no see."

Q. What do you get when you cross a vampire with a mummy?
A. Either a flying bandage or a gift wrapped bat!

Q. What did the ghost say to his wife?
A. "You look so BOOtiful."

Q. What is a skeleton's favourite instrument?
A. The trombone.

Q. What is a hotdog's favorite phrase?
A. Happy HalloWEINIE!

Q. Where is the zombie's favorite room in the house?
A. The living room.

Q. Why was the skeleton scared to cross the road?
A. Because there was a dog on the other side.

Q. What do you call a nervous witch?
A. A twitch.

Q. What did the mummy ghost say to the noisy young ghost who kept interrupting?
A. "Spook when you're spooken to."

Q. Why do witches fly around on broomsticks?
A. Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy!

Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.

Q. What is Dracula's favourite fruit?
A. A nectarine.

Q. What's a vampire's favourite part of the guitar?
A. The neck.

Q. What did the skeleton say after dinner?
A. "Everything I eat goes right through me!"

Q. Frankenstein and Dracula had a match. Who won?
A. Frankenstein because Dracula sucks.

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. What does Dracula say when he doesn't have good news?
A. "I have BAT news, everyone!"

Q. What do vampires sing on New Year's Eve?
A. Auld Fang Syne!

Q. How do phantoms travel?
A. Ghost to ghost.

Q. What is a ghost's favorite color?
A. Boo!

Q. What did the ghost say when it sneezed?
A. "Ahh BOO!"

Q. What did one casket say to the other casket?
A. "Is that you coffin?" (coughing)

Q. What is Dracula's favorite fruit?
A. A Blood Orange.

Q. What key opens a Haunted House?
A. A spooKEY!

Q. What monster wears the most clothes?
A. A werewolf!

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Q. What song do vampires hate?
A. "You are my sunshine!"

Q. What did the jack-o'-lantern say to the other jack-o'-lantern when they were on their way to a Halloween party?
A. "Let's get glowing."

Q. What do you get when you cross a hot dog and Halloween?
A. A Hallo-weenie!

Q. What happens when a ghost haunts a theatre?
A. The actors get stage fright.

Q. What pants do ghosts wear?
A. BOO jeans.

Q. Where do ghosts buy their food?
A. At the GHOSTery Store.

Q. What room can't ghosts go in?
A. The LIVING room!

Q. What do you call a pig dressed as Frankenstein?
A. FrankenSWINE.

Q. Where did the baby ghost sit?
A. In a BOOster seat!

Q. Why do people like vampires so much?
A. Because they are FANGtastic!

Q. What is a popular search engine for ghosts?
A. GHOULgle!

Q. What do you call a vampire 200 miles from a blood bank?
A. A cab.

Q. What does a wolf say on Halloween?
A. "Happy HOWLoween!"

Q. What kind of dog does a vampire have?
A. A bloodhound.

Q. Who did Dracula bring to the prom?
A. His ghoul friend.

Q. Why are ghosts always hungry?
A. Because the food goes right through them!

Q. What do you get when you cross a mummy with a vampire bat?
A. A flying Band-Aid.

Q. What is a skeleton's favourite drink?
A. Milk, it's white and good for your bones.

Q. What song do vampires hate?
A. Here Comes The Sun!

Q. What did the werewolf eat after he'd had his teeth cleaned?
A. The dentist.

Q. Why is it hard for a ghost to tell a lie?
A. Because you can see right through him.

Q. Why didn't Dracula have any friends?
A. He was a pain in the neck!

Q. Why didn't the mummy answer the phone?
A. He was all tied up!

Q. What time is it when you see costumes, a house, candy and hear trick-or-treat?
A. Halloween!

Q. What do ghosts eat for dinner?
A. SPOOKgetti!

Q. Why was Dracula put in jail?
A. He tried to rob a blood bank.

Q. What did the vampire say to his wife?
A. "Your neck looks slimmer."

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Wolves say
Wolves say who?
Wolves say Happy HOWL-oween!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Boo!
Boo! who?
No, no, don't cry! I was just kidding.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ivana
Ivana who?
Ivana suck your blood.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Frank
Frank who?
Frankenstein!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad it's Halloween?!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
The ghost and the invisible man
The ghost and the invisible man who?
Long time no see!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Boo
Boo who?
Didn't mean to scare you!

Jokes

A ghost had been staying in a bed and breakfast hotel and when he came down for dinner he asked the waitress, "Please can I have two eggs, one tough and one rubbery, really tough bacon and burned, fried bread?"
The waitress said, "Sir, we really can't serve that kind of horrid food here."
The ghost replied, "Well, you did yesterday!"
 

Monster: It is a very hot day today!
Witch: So, can I make you a lemonade?
Monster: Yes!
Witch: Poof! You're lemonade!
 

Patty came up to a boy with a sheet over his head on Halloween and asked, "Are you a ghost?"
The boy replied, "No, of course not! I'm an unmade bed!"
 

A skeleton walks in to a bar. He goes to the bartender and says, "I'm going to need a beer and a mop."
 

A guy named Billie Bob Joe goes to a costume dress party with a girl on his back.

Harold, answering the door: What are you supposed to be?
Billie Bob Joe: A turtle.
Harold: What do you mean?
Billie Bob Joe: The girl on my back is Michelle.
 

A skeleton went to the doctor. The doctor looked at the skeleton and said, "Aren't you a little late?"
 

Robert: Did you hear about the goblin that lost his left leg and his left arm?
Alan: No, is he ok?
Robert: Yes. He's all right now!
 

Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire.
Doctor: Drink this glass of water.
Patient: Will it make me better?
Doctor: No, but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.
 


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