Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Halloween Jokes

We've got lots of funny Halloween jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What did the witch say when she fell in the moat?
A. "My eels are killing me!"

Q. Why didn't the mummy answer the phone?
A. He was all tied up!

Q. What pants do ghosts wear?
A. BOO jeans.

Q. What do you call a fat vampire slayer?
A. Puffy!

Q. What did one ghost say to the other?
A. "Do you believe in people?!"

Q. Why couldn't the skeleton laugh?
A. Because he lost his funny bone.

Q. What did the ghost say when it sneezed?
A. "Ahh BOO!"

Q. When do vampires like horse racing?
A. When it's neck and neck!

Q. What do ghosts say to one another to show that they care?
A. "I love BOO!"

Q. What school subject is a witch good at?
A. Spelling.

Q. What do you call candy corn?
A. Pumpkin poop!

Q. Who did Dracula take to the movies?
A. His GHOUL friend.

Q. What is the radius of a pumpkin?
A. Pi.

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Q. Why did the vampire give up acting?
A. Because he couldn't find a part he could sink his teeth into.

Q. Why was the skeleton scared to cross the road?
A. Because there was a dog on the other side.

Q. What is a mummy's favorite kind of music?
A. Rap!

Q. Why did the skeleton go scuba diving?
A. Because he wanted to get some muscles!

Q. How do you make a witch itch?
A. Take away her W.

Q. Where is the zombie's favorite room in the house?
A. The living room.

Q. What's a vampire's favourite part of the guitar?
A. The neck.

Q. What do you get when you cross a ghost, a dog and a rooster?
A. A cockatoo!

Q. What do you call a dead person in the closet?
A. The 1966 hide-and-go-seek champion.

Q. What does a ghost call his mom and dad?
A. His transparents.

Q. What is Dracula's favorite fruit?
A. A Blood Orange.

Q. What do ghosts eat for dinner?
A. SPOOKgetti!

Q. What did the skeleton say before a meal?
A. Bone appetite!

Q. What do you get if you cross a skeleton with a famous detective?
A. Sherlock Bones!

Q. Why was Dracula put in jail?
A. He tried to rob a blood bank.

Q. What did the jack-o'-lantern say to the other jack-o'-lantern when they were on their way to a Halloween party?
A. "Let's get glowing."

Q. What is a popular search engine for ghosts?
A. GHOULgle!

Q. What do you call a pig dressed as Frankenstein?
A. FrankenSWINE.

Q. What do ghosts serve for dessert?
A. I scream.

Q. What do you call two witches that live together?
A. Broom mates.

Q. What do you call a vampire 200 miles from a blood bank?
A. A cab.

Q. Where did the baby ghost sit?
A. In a BOOster seat!

Q. What does Dracula say when he doesn't have good news?
A. "I have BAT news, everyone!"

Q. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
A. "Watch the board and I'll go through it again."

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. Why don't skeletons play music in church?
A. They have no organs.

Q. What do you get when you cross a mummy with a vampire bat?
A. A flying Band-Aid.

Q. What does a panda ghost eat?
A. Bam-BOO!

Q. What do you get when you cross a vampire with a mummy?
A. Either a flying bandage or a gift wrapped bat!

Q. Why did the vampires cancel the baseball game?
A. Because they couldn't find their bats.

Q. What do you get when two skeletons dance in a biscuit tin?
A. Noise!

Q. What do skeletons say at the front door?
A. "Crick or creak!"

Q. What did the ghost say to his wife?
A. "You look so BOOtiful."

Q. Where do ghosts get their mail?
A. At the ghost office.

Q. Why don't you eat ghosts?
A. They'll go right through you.

Q. Who did Dracula bring to the prom?
A. His ghoul friend.

Q. Where do baby ghosts go when their mom goes to work?
A. A scare centre!

Q. What do vampires never order at a cafe?
A. A STAKE sandwich!

Q. Where do you go when a ghost is chasing you?
A. To the living room!

Q. Why did the mummy get a headache?
A. Because he was GOBLIN his candy!

Q. What do witches call for in a hotel room?
A. Broom service.

Q. Who does Frankenstein invite to his party?
A. Anyone he can gobble up!

Q. Why don't skeletons fight?
A. Because they don't have the guts!

Q. How do you make a skeleton laugh?
A. Tickle its funnybone!

Q. What song do vampires hate?
A. "You are my sunshine!"

Q. What did the witch have for snack?
A. A sandwich.

Q. What is Dracula's favourite fruit?
A. A nectarine.

Q. What kind of candy won't a ghost touch?
A. Life Savers.

Q. What did the vampire bring to the baseball field?
A. His bats!

Q. What song do vampires hate?
A. Here Comes The Sun!

Q. What do ghosts like for dessert?
A. BOOberry pie!

Q. What did the pumpkin need for its boo boo?
A. A pumpkin patch.

Q. How did the ghost teach her class to go through the wall?
A. She went through it over and over.

Q. Why don't mummies take vacations?
A. They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.

Q. Why did the skeleton go to the store?
A. To get some spare ribs.

Q. What time is it when you see costumes, a house, candy and hear trick-or-treat?
A. Halloween!

Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.

Q. What do you call a skeleton that lies on its grave?
A. Lazy bones!

Q. Why is it hard for a ghost to tell a lie?
A. Because you can see right through him.

Q. What is worse than being a three hundred pound witch?
A. Being her broom.

Q. What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
A. Any old girl he can dig up.

Q. Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?
A. Because everyone was a goblin!

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Wolves say
Wolves say who?
Wolves say Happy HOWL-oween!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Boo!
Boo! who?
No, no, don't cry! I was just kidding.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ivana
Ivana who?
Ivana suck your blood.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Frank
Frank who?
Frankenstein!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad it's Halloween?!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
The ghost and the invisible man
The ghost and the invisible man who?
Long time no see!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Boo
Boo who?
Didn't mean to scare you!

Jokes

A ghost had been staying in a bed and breakfast hotel and when he came down for dinner he asked the waitress, "Please can I have two eggs, one tough and one rubbery, really tough bacon and burned, fried bread?"
The waitress said, "Sir, we really can't serve that kind of horrid food here."
The ghost replied, "Well, you did yesterday!"
 

Monster: It is a very hot day today!
Witch: So, can I make you a lemonade?
Monster: Yes!
Witch: Poof! You're lemonade!
 

Patty came up to a boy with a sheet over his head on Halloween and asked, "Are you a ghost?"
The boy replied, "No, of course not! I'm an unmade bed!"
 

A skeleton walks in to a bar. He goes to the bartender and says, "I'm going to need a beer and a mop."
 

A guy named Billie Bob Joe goes to a costume dress party with a girl on his back.

Harold, answering the door: What are you supposed to be?
Billie Bob Joe: A turtle.
Harold: What do you mean?
Billie Bob Joe: The girl on my back is Michelle.
 

A skeleton went to the doctor. The doctor looked at the skeleton and said, "Aren't you a little late?"
 

Robert: Did you hear about the goblin that lost his left leg and his left arm?
Alan: No, is he ok?
Robert: Yes. He's all right now!
 

Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire.
Doctor: Drink this glass of water.
Patient: Will it make me better?
Doctor: No, but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.
 


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