Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Halloween Jokes

We've got lots of funny Halloween jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What did the werewolf eat after he'd had his teeth cleaned?
A. The dentist.

Q. What did the skeleton order with his drink?
A. A mop.

Q. Why can't Dracula play baseball?
A. He lost his bat.

Q. What do you call a vampire 200 miles from a blood bank?
A. A cab.

Q. What did the mummy ghost say to the noisy young ghost who kept interrupting?
A. "Spook when you're spooken to."

Q. Why do witches fly around on broomsticks?
A. Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy!

Q. What does a bird say on Halloween?
A. Twick or tweet!

Q. What do witches call for in a hotel room?
A. Broom service.

Q. Why did the skeleton stand in the corner during his prom?
A. He had no body to dance with!

Q. Why didn't the ghost go boo?
A. Because it had no guts.

Q. What does a ghost call his mom and dad?
A. His transparents.

Q. What is a mummy's favorite kind of music?
A. Rap!

Q. When do vampires like horse racing?
A. When it's neck and neck!

Q. Why don't skeletons fight?
A. Because they don't have the guts!

Q. What pants do ghosts wear?
A. BOO jeans.

Q. What is a popular search engine for ghosts?
A. GHOULgle!

Q. Where do movie stars go on Halloween?
A. MaliBOO!

Q. Where did the ghosts go for vacation?
A. Mali-BOO.

Q. You are dreaming. A monster comes up to you and takes you away. He puts you in an oven and turns it on. Any moment he will be eating you. What should you do?
A. Pinch yourself.

Q. Why did the vampire give up acting?
A. Because he couldn't find a part he could sink his teeth into.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Frank
Frank who?
Frankenstein!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
The ghost and the invisible man
The ghost and the invisible man who?
Long time no see!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Boo!
Boo! who?
No, no, don't cry! I was just kidding.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Boo
Boo who?
Didn't mean to scare you!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ivana
Ivana who?
Ivana suck your blood.

Jokes

Monster: It is a very hot day today!
Witch: So, can I make you a lemonade?
Monster: Yes!
Witch: Poof! You're lemonade!
 

A ghost had been staying in a bed and breakfast hotel and when he came down for dinner he asked the waitress, "Please can I have two eggs, one tough and one rubbery, really tough bacon and burned, fried bread?"
The waitress said, "Sir, we really can't serve that kind of horrid food here."
The ghost replied, "Well, you did yesterday!"
 

A skeleton went to the doctor. The doctor looked at the skeleton and said, "Aren't you a little late?"
 

Patty came up to a boy with a sheet over his head on Halloween and asked, "Are you a ghost?"
The boy replied, "No, of course not! I'm an unmade bed!"
 

Robert: Did you hear about the goblin that lost his left leg and his left arm?
Alan: No, is he ok?
Robert: Yes. He's all right now!
 

Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire.
Doctor: Drink this glass of water.
Patient: Will it make me better?
Doctor: No, but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.
 

A skeleton walks in to a bar. He goes to the bartender and says, "I'm going to need a beer and a mop."
 

A guy named Billie Bob Joe goes to a costume dress party with a girl on his back.

Harold, answering the door: What are you supposed to be?
Billie Bob Joe: A turtle.
Harold: What do you mean?
Billie Bob Joe: The girl on my back is Michelle.
 


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