Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Halloween Jokes

We've got lots of funny Halloween jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What is a hotdog's favorite phrase?
A. Happy HalloWEINIE!

Q. Why didn't the mummy answer the phone?
A. He was all tied up!

Q. What do you get when two skeletons dance in a biscuit tin?
A. Noise!

Q. What is a ghost's favorite color?
A. Boo!

Q. How was Frankenstien's birth?
A. Shocking.

Q. Why didn't the skeleton want to go to the dance?
A. Because he had no body to go with.

Q. Where is the zombie's favorite room in the house?
A. The living room.

Q. What did the vampire bring to the baseball field?
A. His bats!

Q. What does Frankenstein's wife wear on her face to keep it smooth?
A. MONSTERizer!

Q. What did the little ghost say to his mom?
A. "I've got a boo boo."

Q. Who won the zombie war?
A. Nobody, it was dead even.

Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.

Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.

Q. What do monsters order in fast food restaurants?
A. French FRIGHTS!

Q. Where do ghosts buy their food?
A. At the GHOSTery Store.

Q. Why did the vampires cancel the baseball game?
A. Because they couldn't find their bats.

Q. What did the skeleton say before a meal?
A. Bone appetite!

Q. What do you read on Halloween?
A. BOO-ks

Q. What pants do ghosts wear?
A. BOO jeans.

Q. You are dreaming. A monster comes up to you and takes you away. He puts you in an oven and turns it on. Any moment he will be eating you. What should you do?
A. Pinch yourself.

Q. What do you do when you see a ghost?
A. Run away of course!

Q. How do phantoms travel?
A. Ghost to ghost.

Q. What do ghosts say to one another to show that they care?
A. "I love BOO!"

Q. What did the werewolf eat after he'd had his teeth cleaned?
A. The dentist.

Q. What key opens a Haunted House?
A. A spooKEY!

Q. Where did the ghost go on vacation?
A. The BOO-hamas!

Q. What's a vampire's favourite part of the guitar?
A. The neck.

Q. How do you make a skeleton laugh?
A. Tickle its funnybone!

Q. What is Dracula's favourite fruit?
A. A nectarine.

Q. Why didn't the ghost go boo?
A. Because it had no guts.

Q. Why did the skeleton go scuba diving?
A. Because he wanted to get some muscles!

Q. Why is it hard for a ghost to tell a lie?
A. Because you can see right through him.

Q. Frankenstein and Dracula had a match. Who won?
A. Frankenstein because Dracula sucks.

Q. What do you call a pig dressed as Frankenstein?
A. FrankenSWINE.

Q. What song do vampires hate?
A. Here Comes The Sun!

Q. Why did the ghost bring toilet paper to the party?
A. Because he was a party pooper.

Q. What does a panda ghost eat?
A. Bam-BOO!

Q. What kind of dog does a vampire have?
A. A bloodhound.

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. Where do baby ghosts go when their mom goes to work?
A. A scare centre!

Q. Where do you go when a ghost is chasing you?
A. To the living room!

Q. What kind of candy won't a ghost touch?
A. Life Savers.

Q. What time is it when you see costumes, a house, candy and hear trick-or-treat?
A. Halloween!

Q. Where did the baby ghost sit?
A. In a BOOster seat!

Q. What do vampires never order at a cafe?
A. A STAKE sandwich!

Q. Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?
A. Because everyone was a goblin!

Q. What do ghosts serve for dessert?
A. I scream.

Q. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
A. "Watch the board and I'll go through it again."

Q. What is a witch's favourite food?
A. Goulash.

Q. What did the witch say when she fell in the moat?
A. "My eels are killing me!"

Q. What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
A. Any old girl he can dig up.

Q. What do you get when you cross a mummy with a vampire bat?
A. A flying Band-Aid.

Q. What did the jack-o'-lantern say to the other jack-o'-lantern when they were on their way to a Halloween party?
A. "Let's get glowing."

Q. Where do movie stars go on Halloween?
A. MaliBOO!

Q. What is a skeleton's favourite drink?
A. Milk, it's white and good for your bones.

Q. What did one ghost say to the other?
A. "Do you believe in people?!"

Q. Why couldn't the skeleton laugh?
A. Because he lost his funny bone.

Q. What is worse than being a three hundred pound witch?
A. Being her broom.

Q. Why was Dracula put in jail?
A. He tried to rob a blood bank.

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Q. What is a skeleton's favourite instrument?
A. The trombone.

Q. What school subject is a witch good at?
A. Spelling.

Q. Why did the vampire give up acting?
A. Because he couldn't find a part he could sink his teeth into.

Q. Why don't skeletons fight?
A. Because they don't have the guts!

Q. Why was the little ghost crying?
A. Because he wanted his mummy.

Q. Why didn't Dracula have any friends?
A. He was a pain in the neck!

Q. How did the ghost teach her class to go through the wall?
A. She went through it over and over.

Q. What do you call a fat vampire slayer?
A. Puffy!

Q. What does a wolf say on Halloween?
A. "Happy HOWLoween!"

Q. Why did the ghost join the team?
A. They needed more spirit!

Q. Why did the skeleton go to the store?
A. To get some spare ribs.

Q. What do you call ghosts that ring doorbells?
A. Dead ringers.

Q. Why was the skeleton scared to cross the road?
A. Because there was a dog on the other side.

Q. What do you call an overweight pumpkin?
A. A plumpkin!

Q. Why don't mummies take vacations?
A. They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.

Q. What did the skeleton order with his drink?
A. A mop.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Wolves say
Wolves say who?
Wolves say Happy HOWL-oween!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Boo!
Boo! who?
No, no, don't cry! I was just kidding.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ivana
Ivana who?
Ivana suck your blood.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Frank
Frank who?
Frankenstein!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad it's Halloween?!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
The ghost and the invisible man
The ghost and the invisible man who?
Long time no see!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Boo
Boo who?
Didn't mean to scare you!

Jokes

A ghost had been staying in a bed and breakfast hotel and when he came down for dinner he asked the waitress, "Please can I have two eggs, one tough and one rubbery, really tough bacon and burned, fried bread?"
The waitress said, "Sir, we really can't serve that kind of horrid food here."
The ghost replied, "Well, you did yesterday!"
 

Monster: It is a very hot day today!
Witch: So, can I make you a lemonade?
Monster: Yes!
Witch: Poof! You're lemonade!
 

Patty came up to a boy with a sheet over his head on Halloween and asked, "Are you a ghost?"
The boy replied, "No, of course not! I'm an unmade bed!"
 

A skeleton walks in to a bar. He goes to the bartender and says, "I'm going to need a beer and a mop."
 

A guy named Billie Bob Joe goes to a costume dress party with a girl on his back.

Harold, answering the door: What are you supposed to be?
Billie Bob Joe: A turtle.
Harold: What do you mean?
Billie Bob Joe: The girl on my back is Michelle.
 

A skeleton went to the doctor. The doctor looked at the skeleton and said, "Aren't you a little late?"
 

Robert: Did you hear about the goblin that lost his left leg and his left arm?
Alan: No, is he ok?
Robert: Yes. He's all right now!
 

Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire.
Doctor: Drink this glass of water.
Patient: Will it make me better?
Doctor: No, but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.
 


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