Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Halloween Jokes

We've got lots of funny Halloween jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.

Q. Why couldn't the skeleton laugh?
A. Because he lost his funny bone.

Q. What do ghosts say to one another to show that they care?
A. "I love BOO!"

Q. What do vampires never order at a cafe?
A. A STAKE sandwich!

Q. Where did the ghost go on vacation?
A. The BOO-hamas!

Q. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
A. "Watch the board and I'll go through it again."

Q. What monster wears the most clothes?
A. A werewolf!

Q. Why don't skeletons play music in church?
A. They have no organs.

Q. You are dreaming. A monster comes up to you and takes you away. He puts you in an oven and turns it on. Any moment he will be eating you. What should you do?
A. Pinch yourself.

Q. What do you get when you cross a moose and a ghost?
A. A cariboo!

Q. What games do bats like to play on Halloween?
A. Anything with a ball.

Q. What is a ghost's favourite ride?
A. A roller-ghoster.

Q. Who won the zombie war?
A. Nobody, it was dead even.

Q. How do phantoms travel?
A. Ghost to ghost.

Q. What is Dracula's favorite fruit?
A. A Blood Orange.

Q. Why is it hard for a ghost to tell a lie?
A. Because you can see right through him.

Q. What happens when a ghost haunts a theatre?
A. The actors get stage fright.

Q. What do vampires sing on New Year's Eve?
A. Auld Fang Syne!

Q. Why was Dracula put in jail?
A. He tried to rob a blood bank.

Q. Why did the mummy get a headache?
A. Because he was GOBLIN his candy!

Q. Who did Dracula take to the movies?
A. His GHOUL friend.

Q. Why did the ghost bring toilet paper to the party?
A. Because he was a party pooper.

Q. What song do vampires hate?
A. Here Comes The Sun!

Q. What does a ghost call his mom and dad?
A. His transparents.

Q. What is worse than being a three hundred pound witch?
A. Being her broom.

Q. What do you call a vampire 200 miles from a blood bank?
A. A cab.

Q. What do you read on Halloween?
A. BOO-ks

Q. What room can't ghosts go in?
A. The LIVING room!

Q. What is a popular search engine for ghosts?
A. GHOULgle!

Q. What do you get when two skeletons dance in a biscuit tin?
A. Noise!

Q. How was Frankenstien's birth?
A. Shocking.

Q. What do goblins and ghosts drink when they're hot and thirsty on Halloween?
A. Ghoul-aid!

Q. What do you call two witches that live together?
A. Broom mates.

Q. Why did the Cyclops close his school?
A. Because he only had one pupil.

Q. What's a monster's favourite game?
A. Swallow the Leader!

Q. Who did Dracula bring to the prom?
A. His ghoul friend.

Q. What key opens a Haunted House?
A. A spooKEY!

Q. What kind of candy won't a ghost touch?
A. Life Savers.

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. What do ghosts serve for dessert?
A. Ice SCREAM and BOOberries!

Q. What did the pumpkin need for its boo boo?
A. A pumpkin patch.

Q. When do vampires like horse racing?
A. When it's neck and neck!

Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.

Q. Why did the skeleton go to the store?
A. To get some spare ribs.

Q. What is a skeleton's favourite drink?
A. Milk, it's white and good for your bones.

Q. How do you make a skeleton laugh?
A. Tickle its funnybone!

Q. What is a witch's favourite food?
A. Goulash.

Q. Why did the skeleton stand in the corner during his prom?
A. He had no body to dance with!

Q. What did the skeleton say after dinner?
A. "Everything I eat goes right through me!"

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Q. Why did Dracula go to the library?
A. He wanted a good book to sink his teeth into!

Q. What is a ghost's favorite fruit?
A. BOOberries.

Q. What is a mummy's favorite kind of music?
A. Rap!

Q. Why don't you eat ghosts?
A. They'll go right through you.

Q. Who does Frankenstein invite to his party?
A. Anyone he can gobble up!

Q. What do you call a dead person in the closet?
A. The 1966 hide-and-go-seek champion.

Q. What kind of TV do you find inside a haunted house?
A. A wide scream TV.

Q. Why can't you tell a skeleton a secret?
A. Because it goes in one ear and out the other.

Q. Why doesn't a witch wear a flat hat?
A. Because there's no point in it!

Q. How do you make a witch itch?
A. Take away her W.

Q. Why did the skeleton go to the barbecue?
A. To get a spare rib .

Q. What street does a vampire live on?
A. A dead end!

Q. What did the ghosts eat for dinner?
A. Spoke!

Q. Where did the mother monster put her child when she was at work?
A. At day-SCARE!

Q. Where did the baby ghost sit?
A. In a BOOster seat!

Q. What did the witch have for snack?
A. A sandwich.

Q. What do you call a nervous witch?
A. A twitch.

Q. What did the little ghost say to his mom?
A. "I've got a boo boo."

Q. What does Frankenstein's wife wear on her face to keep it smooth?
A. MONSTERizer!

Q. What do you call an overweight pumpkin?
A. A plumpkin!

Q. Why do people like vampires so much?
A. Because they are FANGtastic!

Q. What do you call a mummy eating in bed?
A. A crummy mummy.

Q. Why was the skeleton scared to cross the road?
A. Because there was a dog on the other side.

Q. What is Dracula's favourite fruit?
A. A nectarine.

Q. What do you get when you cross a ghost and a goblin?
A. I don't know, but it doesn't sound good to me!

Q. What did the skeleton order with his drink?
A. A mop.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Wolves say
Wolves say who?
Wolves say Happy HOWL-oween!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Boo!
Boo! who?
No, no, don't cry! I was just kidding.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ivana
Ivana who?
Ivana suck your blood.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Frank
Frank who?
Frankenstein!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad it's Halloween?!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
The ghost and the invisible man
The ghost and the invisible man who?
Long time no see!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Boo
Boo who?
Didn't mean to scare you!

Jokes

A ghost had been staying in a bed and breakfast hotel and when he came down for dinner he asked the waitress, "Please can I have two eggs, one tough and one rubbery, really tough bacon and burned, fried bread?"
The waitress said, "Sir, we really can't serve that kind of horrid food here."
The ghost replied, "Well, you did yesterday!"
 

Monster: It is a very hot day today!
Witch: So, can I make you a lemonade?
Monster: Yes!
Witch: Poof! You're lemonade!
 

Patty came up to a boy with a sheet over his head on Halloween and asked, "Are you a ghost?"
The boy replied, "No, of course not! I'm an unmade bed!"
 

A skeleton walks in to a bar. He goes to the bartender and says, "I'm going to need a beer and a mop."
 

A guy named Billie Bob Joe goes to a costume dress party with a girl on his back.

Harold, answering the door: What are you supposed to be?
Billie Bob Joe: A turtle.
Harold: What do you mean?
Billie Bob Joe: The girl on my back is Michelle.
 

A skeleton went to the doctor. The doctor looked at the skeleton and said, "Aren't you a little late?"
 

Robert: Did you hear about the goblin that lost his left leg and his left arm?
Alan: No, is he ok?
Robert: Yes. He's all right now!
 

Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire.
Doctor: Drink this glass of water.
Patient: Will it make me better?
Doctor: No, but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.
 


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