Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Halloween Jokes

We've got lots of funny Halloween jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What do monsters order in fast food restaurants?
A. French FRIGHTS!

Q. Why do witches fly around on broomsticks?
A. Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy!

Q. Who won the zombie war?
A. Nobody, it was dead even.

Q. How do you make a skeleton laugh?
A. Tickle its funnybone!

Q. What kind of dog does a vampire have?
A. A bloodhound.

Q. What games do bats like to play on Halloween?
A. Anything with a ball.

Q. Where is the zombie's favorite room in the house?
A. The living room.

Q. What did the mummy ghost say to the noisy young ghost who kept interrupting?
A. "Spook when you're spooken to."

Q. Why are ghosts always hungry?
A. Because the food goes right through them!

Q. What did one casket say to the other casket?
A. "Is that you coffin?" (coughing)

Q. How did the ghost teach her class to go through the wall?
A. She went through it over and over.

Q. What did the ghost say to his wife?
A. "You look so BOOtiful."

Q. What is a skeleton's favourite drink?
A. Milk, it's white and good for your bones.

Q. What do you call a dead person in the closet?
A. The 1966 hide-and-go-seek champion.

Q. Where do ghosts get their mail?
A. At the ghost office.

Q. What do ghosts eat for dinner?
A. SPOOKgetti!

Q. What do you get when you cross a moose and a ghost?
A. A cariboo!

Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.

Q. What do ghosts serve for dessert?
A. I scream.

Q. What is worse than being a three hundred pound witch?
A. Being her broom.

Q. Why did the skeleton go to the store?
A. To get some spare ribs.

Q. What do you call two witches that live together?
A. Broom mates.

Q. What does Frankenstein's wife wear on her face to keep it smooth?
A. MONSTERizer!

Q. What do you call candy corn?
A. Pumpkin poop!

Q. Why did the ghost join the team?
A. They needed more spirit!

Q. What did the skeleton order with his drink?
A. A mop.

Q. Why don't mummies take vacations?
A. They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.

Q. What does a wolf say on Halloween?
A. "Happy HOWLoween!"

Q. When do vampires like horse racing?
A. When it's neck and neck!

Q. Where did the ghost go on vacation?
A. The BOO-hamas!

Q. What do you get when you cross a hot dog and Halloween?
A. A Hallo-weenie!

Q. What did the vampire say to his wife?
A. "Your neck looks slimmer."

Q. Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
A. Because he had no guts.

Q. Why don't skeletons play music in church?
A. They have no organs.

Q. Why was the skeleton scared to cross the road?
A. Because there was a dog on the other side.

Q. Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?
A. Because everyone was a goblin!

Q. What's a vampire's favourite part of the guitar?
A. The neck.

Q. Why didn't Dracula have any friends?
A. He was a pain in the neck!

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. What key opens a Haunted House?
A. A spooKEY!

Q. How do you make a witch itch?
A. Take away her W.

Q. Why did the Cyclops close his school?
A. Because he only had one pupil.

Q. What do you call ghosts that ring doorbells?
A. Dead ringers.

Q. What did the ghost say when it sneezed?
A. "Ahh BOO!"

Q. What do you call two witches who share a broom?
A. Broom mates.

Q. Why was the little ghost crying?
A. Because he wanted his mummy.

Q. Where do baby ghosts go when their mom goes to work?
A. A scare centre!

Q. Why don't skeletons fight?
A. Because they don't have the guts!

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Q. What did the pumpkin need for its boo boo?
A. A pumpkin patch.

Q. What's a monster's favourite game?
A. Swallow the Leader!

Q. Why did the mummy get a headache?
A. Because he was GOBLIN his candy!

Q. Who does Frankenstein invite to his party?
A. Anyone he can gobble up!

Q. Why couldn't the skeleton laugh?
A. Because he lost his funny bone.

Q. What does Dracula say when he doesn't have good news?
A. "I have BAT news, everyone!"

Q. Why can't you tell a skeleton a secret?
A. Because it goes in one ear and out the other.

Q. What does a bird say on Halloween?
A. Twick or tweet!

Q. Why did the vampire give up acting?
A. Because he couldn't find a part he could sink his teeth into.

Q. What is the problem with two twin witches?
A. You never know which witch is which!

Q. What do ghosts like for dessert?
A. BOOberry pie!

Q. What do you read on Halloween?
A. BOO-ks

Q. What pants do ghosts wear?
A. BOO jeans.

Q. Why was Dracula put in jail?
A. He tried to rob a blood bank.

Q. Why didn't the ghost go boo?
A. Because it had no guts.

Q. What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
A. "Long time no see."

Q. What is a ghost's favourite ride?
A. A roller-ghoster.

Q. Where does a vampire keep his money?
A. In a blood bank.

Q. Where do you go when a ghost is chasing you?
A. To the living room!

Q. What kind of candy won't a ghost touch?
A. Life Savers.

Q. What do ghosts wear on their feet?
A. BOOts.

Q. What do you get if you cross a skeleton with a famous detective?
A. Sherlock Bones!

Q. Why doesn't a witch wear a flat hat?
A. Because there's no point in it!

Q. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
A. "Watch the board and I'll go through it again."

Q. Who did Dracula bring to the prom?
A. His ghoul friend.

Q. What does a ghost keep in its stable?
A. Nightmares.

Q. What is a mummy's favorite kind of music?
A. Rap!

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Wolves say
Wolves say who?
Wolves say Happy HOWL-oween!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Boo!
Boo! who?
No, no, don't cry! I was just kidding.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ivana
Ivana who?
Ivana suck your blood.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Frank
Frank who?
Frankenstein!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad it's Halloween?!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
The ghost and the invisible man
The ghost and the invisible man who?
Long time no see!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Boo
Boo who?
Didn't mean to scare you!

Jokes

A ghost had been staying in a bed and breakfast hotel and when he came down for dinner he asked the waitress, "Please can I have two eggs, one tough and one rubbery, really tough bacon and burned, fried bread?"
The waitress said, "Sir, we really can't serve that kind of horrid food here."
The ghost replied, "Well, you did yesterday!"
 

Monster: It is a very hot day today!
Witch: So, can I make you a lemonade?
Monster: Yes!
Witch: Poof! You're lemonade!
 

Patty came up to a boy with a sheet over his head on Halloween and asked, "Are you a ghost?"
The boy replied, "No, of course not! I'm an unmade bed!"
 

A skeleton walks in to a bar. He goes to the bartender and says, "I'm going to need a beer and a mop."
 

A guy named Billie Bob Joe goes to a costume dress party with a girl on his back.

Harold, answering the door: What are you supposed to be?
Billie Bob Joe: A turtle.
Harold: What do you mean?
Billie Bob Joe: The girl on my back is Michelle.
 

A skeleton went to the doctor. The doctor looked at the skeleton and said, "Aren't you a little late?"
 

Robert: Did you hear about the goblin that lost his left leg and his left arm?
Alan: No, is he ok?
Robert: Yes. He's all right now!
 

Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire.
Doctor: Drink this glass of water.
Patient: Will it make me better?
Doctor: No, but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.
 


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