Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Halloween Jokes

We've got lots of funny Halloween jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What do you read on Halloween?
A. BOO-ks

Q. Why don't skeletons fight?
A. Because they don't have the guts!

Q. Where did the mother monster put her child when she was at work?
A. At day-SCARE!

Q. What is worse than being a three hundred pound witch?
A. Being her broom.

Q. What did the vampire say to his wife?
A. "Your neck looks slimmer."

Q. Frankenstein and Dracula had a match. Who won?
A. Frankenstein because Dracula sucks.

Q. What did the witch have for snack?
A. A sandwich.

Q. Why did the skeleton stand in the corner during his prom?
A. He had no body to dance with!

Q. What kind of candy won't a ghost touch?
A. Life Savers.

Q. What does a ghost call his mom and dad?
A. His transparents.

Q. Why did the ghost bring toilet paper to the party?
A. Because he was a party pooper.

Q. Why do people like vampires so much?
A. Because they are FANGtastic!

Q. What do ghosts like for dessert?
A. BOOberry pie!

Q. Where do you go when a ghost is chasing you?
A. To the living room!

Q. What is a popular search engine for ghosts?
A. GHOULgle!

Q. Why did the skeleton go to the store?
A. To get some spare ribs.

Q. What did the vampire bring to the baseball field?
A. His bats!

Q. Where did the ghost go on vacation?
A. The BOO-hamas!

Q. What did the ghost say when it sneezed?
A. "Ahh BOO!"

Q. What did the ghost put on his bagel?
A. SCREAM cheese!

Q. How do you make a witch itch?
A. Take away her W.

Q. What do you call ghosts that ring doorbells?
A. Dead ringers.

Q. Why was Dracula put in jail?
A. He tried to rob a blood bank.

Q. Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
A. Because he had no guts.

Q. What do you get when you cross a mummy with a vampire bat?
A. A flying Band-Aid.

Q. What do ghosts say to one another to show that they care?
A. "I love BOO!"

Q. Why is it hard for a ghost to tell a lie?
A. Because you can see right through him.

Q. Why did the mummy get a headache?
A. Because he was GOBLIN his candy!

Q. Why didn't the mummy answer the phone?
A. He was all tied up!

Q. Where does a vampire keep his money?
A. In a blood bank.

Q. What do you get when you cross a hot dog and Halloween?
A. A Hallo-weenie!

Q. What did the jack-o'-lantern say to the other jack-o'-lantern when they were on their way to a Halloween party?
A. "Let's get glowing."

Q. Why did Dracula go to the library?
A. He wanted a good book to sink his teeth into!

Q. Why did the vampire give up acting?
A. Because he couldn't find a part he could sink his teeth into.

Q. What do you get when two skeletons dance in a biscuit tin?
A. Noise!

Q. Who does Frankenstein invite to his party?
A. Anyone he can gobble up!

Q. What did the skeleton say before a meal?
A. Bone appetite!

Q. What do you call a pig dressed as Frankenstein?
A. FrankenSWINE.

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. How was Frankenstien's birth?
A. Shocking.

Q. What is a skeleton's favourite drink?
A. Milk, it's white and good for your bones.

Q. How do you make a skeleton laugh?
A. Tickle its funnybone!

Q. Why can't you tell a skeleton a secret?
A. Because it goes in one ear and out the other.

Q. What did the skeleton order with his drink?
A. A mop.

Q. Where did the ghosts go for vacation?
A. Mali-BOO.

Q. What is a ghost's favorite color?
A. Boo!

Q. What do you call a skeleton that lies on its grave?
A. Lazy bones!

Q. Why did the skeleton go scuba diving?
A. Because he wanted to get some muscles!

Q. What key opens a Haunted House?
A. A spooKEY!

Q. What happens when a ghost haunts a theatre?
A. The actors get stage fright.

Q. What do ghosts serve for dessert?
A. I scream.

Q. What do you call a mummy eating in bed?
A. A crummy mummy.

Q. What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
A. "Long time no see."

Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.

Q. What is a skeleton's favourite instrument?
A. The trombone.

Q. What do you call two witches who share a broom?
A. Broom mates.

Q. Why did the vampires cancel the baseball game?
A. Because they couldn't find their bats.

Q. Why did the Cyclops close his school?
A. Because he only had one pupil.

Q. Where do ghosts buy their food?
A. At the GHOSTery Store.

Q. What do vampires never order at a cafe?
A. A STAKE sandwich!

Q. What did the werewolf eat after he'd had his teeth cleaned?
A. The dentist.

Q. What do you call two witches that live together?
A. Broom mates.

Q. What room can't ghosts go in?
A. The LIVING room!

Q. What do you get if you cross a skeleton with a famous detective?
A. Sherlock Bones!

Q. What is a witch's favourite food?
A. Goulash.

Q. What street does a vampire live on?
A. A dead end!

Q. Why didn't the skeleton want to go to the dance?
A. Because he had no body to go with.

Q. Why are ghosts always hungry?
A. Because the food goes right through them!

Q. What is the problem with two twin witches?
A. You never know which witch is which!

Q. Why did the skeleton go to the barbecue?
A. To get a spare rib .

Q. How did the ghost teach her class to go through the wall?
A. She went through it over and over.

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Q. What do witches call for in a hotel room?
A. Broom service.

Q. Why didn't the ghost go boo?
A. Because it had no guts.

Q. What do you call a dead person in the closet?
A. The 1966 hide-and-go-seek champion.

Q. What song do vampires hate?
A. "You are my sunshine!"

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Wolves say
Wolves say who?
Wolves say Happy HOWL-oween!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Boo!
Boo! who?
No, no, don't cry! I was just kidding.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ivana
Ivana who?
Ivana suck your blood.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Frank
Frank who?
Frankenstein!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad it's Halloween?!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
The ghost and the invisible man
The ghost and the invisible man who?
Long time no see!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Boo
Boo who?
Didn't mean to scare you!

Jokes

A ghost had been staying in a bed and breakfast hotel and when he came down for dinner he asked the waitress, "Please can I have two eggs, one tough and one rubbery, really tough bacon and burned, fried bread?"
The waitress said, "Sir, we really can't serve that kind of horrid food here."
The ghost replied, "Well, you did yesterday!"
 

Monster: It is a very hot day today!
Witch: So, can I make you a lemonade?
Monster: Yes!
Witch: Poof! You're lemonade!
 

Patty came up to a boy with a sheet over his head on Halloween and asked, "Are you a ghost?"
The boy replied, "No, of course not! I'm an unmade bed!"
 

A skeleton walks in to a bar. He goes to the bartender and says, "I'm going to need a beer and a mop."
 

A guy named Billie Bob Joe goes to a costume dress party with a girl on his back.

Harold, answering the door: What are you supposed to be?
Billie Bob Joe: A turtle.
Harold: What do you mean?
Billie Bob Joe: The girl on my back is Michelle.
 

A skeleton went to the doctor. The doctor looked at the skeleton and said, "Aren't you a little late?"
 

Robert: Did you hear about the goblin that lost his left leg and his left arm?
Alan: No, is he ok?
Robert: Yes. He's all right now!
 

Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire.
Doctor: Drink this glass of water.
Patient: Will it make me better?
Doctor: No, but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.
 


 We also have jokes about…