Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Food Jokes

We've got lots of funny Food jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What did the man say to the butcher at the deli?
A. "I never sausage a place"

Q. What two countries should the chef use when he's making Christmas dinner?
A. Turkey and Greece.

Q. How do you make a milk shake?
A. Give it a good scare!

Q. Why shouldn't you tell an egg a joke?
A. Because it might crack up!

Q. What's yellow and goes 50 miles per hour?
A. A banana in a washing machine.

Q. What did the bully have for lunch?
A. He had a knuckle sandwich!

Q. What is a math teacher's favourite dessert?
A. Pi!

Q. What's the difference between a train and a teacher?
A. The teacher says, "Spit your gum out" and the train says, "Choo-choo!"

Q. What do ghosts eat for dinner?
A. SPOOKgetti!

Q. What did the taco say to the burrito?
A. "Where you bean?"

Q. What do you get when you cross a chicken and a centipede?
A. Drumsticks for everyone!

Q. What is Dracula's favorite fruit?
A. A Blood Orange.

Q. What do cows like to put on their sandwiches?
A. MOOstard!

Q. Why did the banana factory shut down?
A. Because they chucked out all the bent ones!

Q. What is yellow on the outside and gray on the inside?
A. An elephant that's dressed up in a banana skin.

Q. What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on him?
A. Nothing, he just let out a little wine.

Q. What do vampires never order at a cafe?
A. A STAKE sandwich!

Q. What did the Malteeser want to be when it grew up?
A. A Smartie.

Q. What did the bad chicken lay?
A. A deviled egg.

Q. Why are cooks cruel?
A. Because they whip cream and beat eggs!!

Q. What did the fish say to the chip?
A. "We were made for each other."

Q. Why did the Smartie go to school?
A. Because he wanted to be smarter.

Q. Take off my skin. I won't cry but you will. What am I?
A. An onion.

Q. What did Sergeant Peanut Butter shout to his jelly police officers?
A. "Spread out, men!"

Q. What do you call a banana that gets all the girls?
A. A banana smoothie!

Q. Why did the rancher name his ranch "Peanut Butter"?
A. It was a great spread.

Q. What is a witch's favourite food?
A. Goulash.

Q. What do you get if you cross a cow with a smurf?
A. Blue cheese!

Q. How do you get fat free milk?
A. From a skinny cow!

Q. There was a green house. Inside the green house there was a white house. Inside the white house there was a red house. Inside the red house there were lots of babies. What is it?
A. A watermelon!

Q. Why don't you eat ghosts?
A. They'll go right through you.

Q. Why did the bread cross the road?
A. To BUTTER the other side!

Q. What do race car driver's eat?
A. Fast food!

Q. What did the bread say to the man?
A. Nothing, bread can't talk.

Q. What do you call a pig that gets fired from his job?
A. Canned ham!

Q. What did the pitcher say when eggs, bacon and pancakes were playing baseball?
A. "Butter up."

Q. What did the frog order at the burger place?
A. French flies and a diet croak.

Q. Why did the banana go out with the prune?
A. Because he couldn't find a date.

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. What did the student say after the teacher said, "Order students, order?"
A. "Can I have fries and a burger?"

Q. What did the baker give his wife for their anniversary?
A. Flour.

Q. What did the lucky lollipop say to the unlucky lollipop?
A. "Bye-bye, sucker!"

Q. What's Santa's favourite candy?
A. Jolly Ranchers!

Q. What's white on the inside and green on the outside?
A. A banana dressed up as a cucumber!

Q. Have you heard the joke about the pizza?
A. Never mind, it's too cheesy!

Q. What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
A. An ice burger with chili sauce.

Q. Why did the candy cane cross the road?
A. Because it wanted to get a licking!

Q. Why are school cafeteria workers cruel?
A. Because they batter fish, beat eggs, and whip cream.

Q. What did the ghost put on his bagel?
A. SCREAM cheese!

Q. How do you hunt for elephants?
A. Hide in a bush and make a noise like a peanut.

Q. Why do rabbits eat carrots?
A. Because they don't want to be nearsighted!

Q. How do ghosts like their eggs?
A. Terror-fried.

Q. What do snobby vegetables do when they see people?
A. They turnip (turn up) their noses?

Q. Where do you learn to make ice cream?
A. At Sundae School!

Q. What two candies are the smartest?
A. Smarties and Nerds.

Q. How can you tell the difference between a grape and an elephant?
A. Grapes are purple.

Q. Have you heard the joke about the butter?
A. Better not tell you, it might spread!

Q. Why are ghosts always hungry?
A. Because the food goes right through them!

Q. What did the bread say to the knife?
A. "Don't try to butter me up."

Q. What do you call a worried hot dog?
A. A frank fretter.

Q. What is long, green and slowly turning red?
A. A cucumber holding its breath!

Q. How did Burger King propose to his girlfriend?
A. With an onion ring.

Q. What do you call a mummy eating in bed?
A. A crummy mummy.

Q. Why did the chicken join the band?
A. Because he had the drumsticks!

Q. What can't you eat at dinner?
A. Breakfast and lunch!

Q. Why did the cookie cry?
A. Because his mother was a wafer too long!

Q. What kind of candy won't a ghost touch?
A. Life Savers.

Q. Why do people by aggressive fruit?
A. So they can make fruit punch!

Q. Where did the hamburgers go?
A. To the Meat Ball!

Q. What is a table you can eat?
A. A vegetable.

Q. Why did the hamburger go to the gym?
A. It wanted better buns.

Q. Why did the orange get stuck up the on the mountain?
A. Because he ran out of juice.

Q. What's the difference between a grape and a chicken?
A. They're both purple, except the chicken!

Q. What does a pickle say when he wants to play cards?
A. "Dill me in!"

Q. Why did the baker stop making doughnuts?
A. He was annoyed with the HOLE business.

Q. What do you call a train full of toffee?
A. A chew-chew train!

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cash
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer peanuts!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
John
John who?
Johnny Apple Seed!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Banana
Banana who?
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Banana
Banana who?
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Nacho
Nacho who?
I'm nacho momma!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Apple
Apple who?
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Apple
Apple who?
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Apple
Apple who?
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Lemon
Lemon who?
Lemon know when you want me to say apple again.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad it's Halloween?!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad we are out of school?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Peas
Peas who?
Peas let me in now!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Lettuce
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Felix
Felix who?
Felix my lolly, I'll whack him.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Berry
Berry who?
Berry nice too meet you can. Can I come in now?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Banana
Banana who?
Banana split!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad I like you.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ketchup
Ketchup who?
Ketchup and I'll tell you!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Soup
Soup who?
Superman!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ramon
Ramon who?
Ramon noodle soup.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Wiener.
Wiener. who?
Wiener you going to get here?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
I8D
I8D who?
I8D whole cake!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ice Cream
Ice Cream who?
I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Figs.
Figs. who?
Figs the doorbell, it's broken!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cereal
Cereal who?
Cereal pleasure to meet you!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cheese
Cheese who?
Cheese a cute girl!

Jokes

Customer: There is a fly in my soup.
Waitress: Don't worry the spider in your bread will get it.
 

Once an old man and woman went to a restaurant and ordered two sandwiches. The waiter brought the sandwiches and the old man started to eat but the women was only staring at the food. The waiter noticed this and went to see what the problem was. The old woman said nothing and just stared at him but the old man interrupted and said, "The sandwich is delicious, but she can't eat because I am using her teeth."
 

A ghost had been staying in a bed and breakfast hotel and when he came down for dinner he asked the waitress, "Please can I have two eggs, one tough and one rubbery, really tough bacon and burned, fried bread?"
The waitress said, "Sir, we really can't serve that kind of horrid food here."
The ghost replied, "Well, you did yesterday!"
 

Shelly: Our teacher is a peach.
Kelly: You mean she is really nice?
Shelly: No, she has a heart of stone.
 

A lady came to a shop and got 14 scoops of ice cream with nuts. The man behind the counter asked, "Do you want a cherry with that?"
The lady replied, "No, I'm on a diet."
 

There was a family of tomatoes, the father tomato, the mother tomato and the baby tomato. They were walking down the road one day and baby tomato kept lagging behind. So finally the father tomato went back and stepped on him and said, "Catch up!"
 

A man went to a restaurant and ordered soup. When the waitress came to give the soup to the man, he said, "Excuse me, I saw your thumb in my soup."
The waitress said, "Oh, it's okay. It wasn't hot."
 

There was once a cookie saying, "I'm a cookie, I'm a cookie, I'm a cookie."
A lady came along and told him to be quiet. She poked him in the middle. Then the cookie looked at his stomach and said, "I'm a donut, I'm a donut, I'm a donut."
 

My sister bet me a hundred dollars I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta!
 

Mum: Eat your roast chicken, it's got iron it!
Jack: No wonder it is tough!
 

Two cookies are baking in an oven. One cookie says to the other, "Man, is it me, or is it getting kinda hot in here?"
The other cookie replies, "Oh my goodness! A talking cookie!!"
 

Did you know the most fattening food in the world is peanuts? Well have you ever seen a skinny elephant?
 

Me: I have a pizza joke!
Friend: What is it?
Me: Never mind! It's too cheesy!
 

A mushroom walks into a bar and the waiter says, "You look like a fungi!"
 

Bob: Why don't you wanna TACO 'bout it?
Josie: 'Cause I'm NACHO friend anymore!
 

Did you know the most fattening food in the world is peanuts? Well have you ever seen a skinny elephant?
 

Whenever I want to start eating healthy a chocolate bar looks at me and snickers.
 


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