Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Food Jokes

We've got lots of funny Food jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What has ears but can't hear?
A. A corn field!

Q. What do vampires never order at a cafe?
A. A STAKE sandwich!

Q. What kind of doctor never works but is very popular around the world?
A. Dr. Pepper (the soda).

Q. Why did the chicken join the band?
A. Because he had the drumsticks!

Q. What did the gingerbread man find on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet!

Q. Why did the bread cross the road?
A. To BUTTER the other side!

Q. What cheese is not yours?
A. Nacho Cheese.

Q. Why did the rancher name his ranch "Peanut Butter"?
A. It was a great spread.

Q. Why did the cow do jumping jacks?
A. Because he wanted a milkshake!

Q. What do you call a chimp that likes to eat potato chips?
A. A chip-monk!

Q. How do you make a sausage roll?
A. Push it down the hill!

Q. What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
A. "Where's popcorn?!"

Q. What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on him?
A. Nothing, he just let out a little wine.

Q. What did the man say to the butcher at the deli?
A. "I never sausage a place"

Q. How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
A. Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?!

Q. What is a witch's favourite food?
A. Goulash.

Q. What kind of candy won't a ghost touch?
A. Life Savers.

Q. What is green and white when it is up and red when it hits the ground?
A. A watermelon.

Q. What is a table you can eat?
A. A vegetable.

Q. What did the cake say to the fork?
A. "You want a piece of me?"

Q. Where does the Easter bunny eat breakfast?
A. IHOP.

Q. What vegetables can't you take on a boat?
A. Leeks!

Q. Have you heard the joke about the pizza?
A. Never mind, it's too cheesy!

Q. What do you call a banana that gets all the girls?
A. A banana smoothie!

Q. A tomato, a cabbage and a hose were in a race. The tomato was red and the cabbage was a vegetable. Who won?
A. The hose was running, the cabbage was a head and the tomato was trying to ketchup.

Q. How do ghosts like their eggs?
A. Terror-fried.

Q. Why didn't the police catch the banana?
A. Because it split!

Q. Why did the Smartie go to school?
A. Because he wanted to be smarter.

Q. Paul is six feet tall. He is an assistant in a butcher shop. He wears size 9 shoes. What does he weigh?
A. Meat.

Q. What's Santa's favourite candy?
A. Jolly Ranchers!

Q. How did Burger King propose to his girlfriend?
A. With an onion ring.

Q. Why do mushrooms like to tell jokes?
A. Because they're a fungi!

Q. What do ghosts serve for dessert?
A. I scream.

Q. What do you call a pig that gets fired from his job?
A. Canned ham!

Q. What has to be broken before you can use it?
A. An egg.

Q. What jam can't you eat?
A. A traffic jam.

Q. What is a buckaneer?
A. Expensive corn!

Q. What's the difference between a train and a teacher?
A. The teacher says, "Spit your gum out" and the train says, "Choo-choo!"

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. Did you hear what happened down at the fish shop?
A. The fish got battered!

Q. What is Beethoven's favorite fruit?
A. Ban-ana-na!

Q. What do you give a sick lemon?
A. Lemon-AID!

Q. What do you call candy corn?
A. Pumpkin poop!

Q. What is long, green and slowly turning red?
A. A cucumber holding its breath!

Q. What is green, small and round and goes up and down?
A. A pea in a lift.

Q. What happens to cereal when you add legs?
A. It gives it a little kick!

Q. Why do people by aggressive fruit?
A. So they can make fruit punch!

Q. What did the happy slice of cheese say to the sad slice of cheese?
A. "Aw, it will be okay! Everything is GOUDA!"

Q. What did the taco say to the burrito?
A. "Where you bean?"

Q. What did the lucky lollipop say to the unlucky lollipop?
A. "Bye-bye, sucker!"

Q. What does an injured lemon need?
A. Lemon Aid!

Q. What's the difference between a grape and a chicken?
A. They're both purple, except the chicken!

Q. What do ghosts serve for dessert?
A. Ice SCREAM and BOOberries!

Q. Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
A. Because he felt crummy.

Q. What do you call a train full of toffee?
A. A chew-chew train!

Q. What do ghosts eat for dinner?
A. SPOOKgetti!

Q. What is yellow on the outside and gray on the inside?
A. An elephant that's dressed up in a banana skin.

Q. What kind of fish goes great with peanut butter?
A. Jellyfish.

Q. What kind of bagel can fly?
A. A plain bagel.

Q. Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
A. Because they put on the salsa.

Q. What does a pickle say when he wants to play cards?
A. "Dill me in!"

Q. Why was the bread dough sad?
A. It wanted to be kneaded by someone.

Q. Why did the banana go out with the prune?
A. Because he couldn't find a date.

Q. What do you get if you cross a cow with a smurf?
A. Blue cheese!

Q. What do cows like to put on their sandwiches?
A. MOOstard!

Q. What did the Easter Bunny say to the carrot?
A. "It's been nice gnawing you!"

Q. Where do you learn to make ice cream?
A. At Sundae School!

Q. What did the bread say to the man?
A. Nothing, bread can't talk.

Q. What's yellow and goes 50 miles per hour?
A. A banana in a washing machine.

Q. What is a cow's favorite ice cream?
A. MOOnila!

Q. What does a hamburger name his daughter?
A. Patty.

Q. What did the jelly say to the peanut butter?
A. "We make a good match!"

Q. Why do rabbits eat carrots?
A. Because they don't want to be nearsighted!

Q. What did the ghosts eat for dinner?
A. Spoke!

Q. Why are school cafeteria workers cruel?
A. Because they batter fish, beat eggs, and whip cream.

Q. What did the Malteeser want to be when it grew up?
A. A Smartie.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cash
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer peanuts!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
John
John who?
Johnny Apple Seed!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Banana
Banana who?
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Banana
Banana who?
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Nacho
Nacho who?
I'm nacho momma!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Apple
Apple who?
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Apple
Apple who?
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Apple
Apple who?
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Lemon
Lemon who?
Lemon know when you want me to say apple again.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad it's Halloween?!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad we are out of school?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Peas
Peas who?
Peas let me in now!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Lettuce
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Felix
Felix who?
Felix my lolly, I'll whack him.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Berry
Berry who?
Berry nice too meet you can. Can I come in now?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Banana
Banana who?
Banana split!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad I like you.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ketchup
Ketchup who?
Ketchup and I'll tell you!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Soup
Soup who?
Superman!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ramon
Ramon who?
Ramon noodle soup.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Wiener.
Wiener. who?
Wiener you going to get here?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
I8D
I8D who?
I8D whole cake!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ice Cream
Ice Cream who?
I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Figs.
Figs. who?
Figs the doorbell, it's broken!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cereal
Cereal who?
Cereal pleasure to meet you!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cheese
Cheese who?
Cheese a cute girl!

Jokes

Customer: There is a fly in my soup.
Waitress: Don't worry the spider in your bread will get it.
 

Once an old man and woman went to a restaurant and ordered two sandwiches. The waiter brought the sandwiches and the old man started to eat but the women was only staring at the food. The waiter noticed this and went to see what the problem was. The old woman said nothing and just stared at him but the old man interrupted and said, "The sandwich is delicious, but she can't eat because I am using her teeth."
 

A ghost had been staying in a bed and breakfast hotel and when he came down for dinner he asked the waitress, "Please can I have two eggs, one tough and one rubbery, really tough bacon and burned, fried bread?"
The waitress said, "Sir, we really can't serve that kind of horrid food here."
The ghost replied, "Well, you did yesterday!"
 

Shelly: Our teacher is a peach.
Kelly: You mean she is really nice?
Shelly: No, she has a heart of stone.
 

A lady came to a shop and got 14 scoops of ice cream with nuts. The man behind the counter asked, "Do you want a cherry with that?"
The lady replied, "No, I'm on a diet."
 

There was a family of tomatoes, the father tomato, the mother tomato and the baby tomato. They were walking down the road one day and baby tomato kept lagging behind. So finally the father tomato went back and stepped on him and said, "Catch up!"
 

A man went to a restaurant and ordered soup. When the waitress came to give the soup to the man, he said, "Excuse me, I saw your thumb in my soup."
The waitress said, "Oh, it's okay. It wasn't hot."
 

There was once a cookie saying, "I'm a cookie, I'm a cookie, I'm a cookie."
A lady came along and told him to be quiet. She poked him in the middle. Then the cookie looked at his stomach and said, "I'm a donut, I'm a donut, I'm a donut."
 

My sister bet me a hundred dollars I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta!
 

Mum: Eat your roast chicken, it's got iron it!
Jack: No wonder it is tough!
 

Two cookies are baking in an oven. One cookie says to the other, "Man, is it me, or is it getting kinda hot in here?"
The other cookie replies, "Oh my goodness! A talking cookie!!"
 

Did you know the most fattening food in the world is peanuts? Well have you ever seen a skinny elephant?
 

Me: I have a pizza joke!
Friend: What is it?
Me: Never mind! It's too cheesy!
 

A mushroom walks into a bar and the waiter says, "You look like a fungi!"
 

Bob: Why don't you wanna TACO 'bout it?
Josie: 'Cause I'm NACHO friend anymore!
 

Did you know the most fattening food in the world is peanuts? Well have you ever seen a skinny elephant?
 

Whenever I want to start eating healthy a chocolate bar looks at me and snickers.
 


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