Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Christmas Jokes

We've got lots of funny Christmas jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. How do you know Santa is good at karate?
A. Because he has a black belt!

Q. What's a good holiday tip?
A. Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.

Q. What do they sing under the ocean during the winter?
A. Christmas Corals!

Q. What flies when it's born, lies when it's alive, and runs when it's dead?
A. Snow.

Q. What does a cat in the dessert have in common with Christmas?
A. Sandy claws.

Q. What is a reindeer's favorite instrument?
A. Horns!

Q. What's Santa's favourite candy?
A. Jolly Ranchers!

Q. What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
A. An ice burger with chili sauce.

Q. Why do Rappers like Christmas so much?
A. Because of all the wrapping!

Q. Why was Santa's helper depressed?
A. He had low ELF-esteem.

Q. What did the ghost say to Santa Claus?
A. "I'll have a boo Christmas without you."

Q. What do you get if you cross Santa and a dog?
A. Santa Paws!

Q. Why did the elf go to school?
A. To learn his ELFabet.

Q. Where do snowmen go to dance?
A. The snowball.

Q. What does Santa clean his sleigh with?
A. Comet.

Q. What do you get when you deep fry Santa Claus?
A. Crisp Kringle.

Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A. Frosted Flakes.

Q. What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A. A puddle!

Q. Where did Santa Claus go for vacation?
A. Santa Cruz.

Q. What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A. A broken drum, you cant beat it!

Q. Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
A. Because of all the wrapping!

Q. Where do snowmen keep their money?
A. In a snowbank.

Q. What did the monkey sing on Christmas day?
A. Jungle bells, Jungle bells...

Q. How do you know when Santa's in the room?
A. You can sense his presents.

Q. What nationality is Santa Claus?
A. North Polish.

Q. What comes before Christmas Eve?
A. Christmas Adam!

Q. What do you call Santa when he goes down a chimney with a fire at the bottom?
A. Krisp Cringle.

Q. What's red and white, red and white, red and white?
A. Santa Claus rolling down the hill.

Q. What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked in the sky?
A. "Looks like rain, dear."

Q. Why does Santa have three gardens?
A. So he can go HOE HOE HOE.

Q. What is green, white, and red all over?
A. A sunburnt elf.

Q. What did the reindeer say when he saw an elf?
A. Nothing, reindeer can't talk.

Q. How do you scare a snowman?
A. You get a hairdryer!

Q. What's white and red and goes up and down and up and down?
A. Santa Claus in an elevator!

Q. How was the snow globe feeling?
A. A little shaken!

Q. How long should a reindeer's legs be?
A. Just long enough to reach the ground!

Q. Which elf was the best singer?
A. ELFis Presley.

Q. What's white, red and blue at Christmas time?
A. A sad candy cane!

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
A. Nothing, it was on the house!

Q. What do snowmen do on Christmas?
A. Play with the snow angels.

Q. What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet!

Q. How did the sheep say Merry Christmas?
A. "Fleece Avoided."

Q. What do you call a Christmas duck?
A. A Christmas quacker!

Q. Who is Frosty's favorite aunt?
A. Aunt Artica!

Q. What's the best thing to give your parents for Christmas?
A. A list of everything you want!

Q. What two countries should the chef use when he's making Christmas dinner?
A. Turkey and Greece.

Q. Why does Rudolph have a red nose?
A. Because he sneezes a lot!

Q. Why did Sponge Bob have a great Christmas?
A. Because he kissed Krabby Patty.

Q. What does Santa say in a race?
A. "Ready, set, HO!"

Q. Why didn't the wig get any presents on Christmas?
A. Because it was very knotty.

Q. Why are Christmas trees such bad knitters?
A. They are always dropping their needles.

Q. What is invisible and smells like milk and cookies?
A. Santa's burps!

Q. Which of Santa's reindeer has bad manners?
A. Rude-olph!

Q. What is big, red and flies in the sky?
A. Santa Claus.

Q. What Christmas carol is a favourite of parents?
A. Silent Night.

Q. What do call Santa when he stops moving?
A. Santa Pause!

Q. Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
A. Because he wanted to sleep like a log!

Q. What goes in a chimney red and comes out of it black?
A. Santa Claus.

Q. What's black and white and red all over?
A. Santa covered with chimney soot.

Q. Why are there only snowmen and not snowwomen?
A. Because only men would stand out in the snow without a coat.

Q. What do you get if you cross mistletoe and a duck?
A. A Christmas Quacker.

Q. Why did the candy cane cross the road?
A. Because it wanted to get a licking!

Q. What kind of bug hates Christmas?
A. A humbug.

Q. Who gives presents to baby sharks?
A. Santa Jaws.

Q. What says, "Now you see me, now you don't, now you see me, now you don't?"
A. A snowman on a cross walk!

Q. What do cows say at Christmas?
A. MOOey Christmas!

Q. What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
A. The Christmas alphabet has NOEL!

Q. Who says "Oh, Oh, Oh!"?
A. Santa walking backwards!

Q. Why were the kids afraid of Christmas?
A. Because of Santa Claws!

Q. What do you get when you eat Christmas decorations?
A. Tinsilitis!

Q. What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament?
A. "Aren't you tired of hanging around?"

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. What did the gingerbread man find on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet!

Q. What's white and goes up?
A. A confused snowflake!

Q. What do you get if you cross an apple and a Christmas tree?
A. Pineapple.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gladis
Gladis who?
Gladis not me who got coal this Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Santa
Santa who?
Santa Clause!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Irish
Irish who?
Irish you a Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary and Abbey
Mary and Abbey who?
Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ho, Ho, Ho
Ho, Ho, Ho who?
Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas to you!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow use. I forgot my name again!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Sandy
Sandy who?
Sandy Claus!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary
Mary who?
Merry Christmas!

Jokes

The TV game show was really close. One contestant was asked to name 2 of Santa's reindeer. The contestant gave a sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question, "Rudolph and Olive!"
The host asked the contestant, "We'll accept Rudolph but can you explain Olive?"
The man looked at the host and said, "You know, 'Olive,' the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."
 

Santa Claus: What's that terrible racket outside?
Mrs. Claus: It's rain deer.
 

Father Christmas' sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, "Can you give me a hand?"
"Sorry," the motorist replied. "I'm not a mechanic, I'm a chiropodist."
"Well, can you give me a toe?"
 

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offence," said the judge.
"It is if you do it before the shops are open," countered the prosecutor.
 

They say in the first part in the song Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer there are only 8 reindeer but there are really 12. First there is Rudolf, of course. Then there is Olive, Olive the other reindeer. Then there is Howe, and Howe the reindeer loved him. Then there is Andy, Andy shouted out with glee. There are 12 reindeer in all.
 

Husband: Why don't you buy Christmas seals?
Wife: I really don't know how I'd feed them!
 


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