Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Christmas Jokes

We've got lots of funny Christmas jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What kind of bug hates Christmas?
A. A humbug.

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. What is the cleanest reindeer called?
A. Comet.

Q. What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A. A broken drum, you cant beat it!

Q. What is big, red and flies in the sky?
A. Santa Claus.

Q. What does a cat in the dessert have in common with Christmas?
A. Sandy claws.

Q. What is green, white, and red all over?
A. A sunburnt elf.

Q. What do they sing under the ocean during the winter?
A. Christmas Corals!

Q. What two countries should the chef use when he's making Christmas dinner?
A. Turkey and Greece.

Q. What's black and white and red all over?
A. Santa covered with chimney soot.

Q. Why did the candy cane cross the road?
A. Because it wanted to get a licking!

Q. How do you know Santa is good at karate?
A. Because he has a black belt!

Q. Why did Sponge Bob have a great Christmas?
A. Because he kissed Krabby Patty.

Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A. Frosted Flakes.

Q. What do you get if you cross mistletoe and a duck?
A. A Christmas Quacker.

Q. Did you hear about the cracker's Christmas party?
A. It was a BANG!

Q. What did the monkey sing on Christmas day?
A. Jungle bells, Jungle bells...

Q. Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
A. Because of all the wrapping!

Q. What does Santa say in a race?
A. "Ready, set, HO!"

Q. What's the best thing to give your parents for Christmas?
A. A list of everything you want!

Q. Why does Rudolph have a red nose?
A. Because he sneezes a lot!

Q. What do you get when you cross a cat with Santa Claus?
A. Santa-Claws!

Q. What did the cow get for Christmas?
A. A COWculator.

Q. What goes in a chimney red and comes out of it black?
A. Santa Claus.

Q. Why did the elf go to school?
A. To learn his ELFabet.

Q. What flies when it's born, lies when it's alive, and runs when it's dead?
A. Snow.

Q. Where did Santa Claus go for vacation?
A. Santa Cruz.

Q. How did the sheep say Merry Christmas?
A. "Fleece Avoided."

Q. What do you get if you cross Santa and a dog?
A. Santa Paws!

Q. What do call Santa when he stops moving?
A. Santa Pause!

Q. What is a reindeer's favorite instrument?
A. Horns!

Q. What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament?
A. "Aren't you tired of hanging around?"

Q. Why was Santa's helper depressed?
A. He had low ELF-esteem.

Q. Why are there only snowmen and not snowwomen?
A. Because only men would stand out in the snow without a coat.

Q. What do you call a Christmas duck?
A. A Christmas quacker!

Q. What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A. A puddle!

Q. What did the gingerbread man find on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet!

Q. What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet!

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. What did the reindeer say when he saw an elf?
A. Nothing, reindeer can't talk.

Q. Which elf was the best singer?
A. ELFis Presley.

Q. Who gives presents to baby sharks?
A. Santa Jaws.

Q. What says, "Now you see me, now you don't, now you see me, now you don't?"
A. A snowman on a cross walk!

Q. What's red and white, red and white, red and white?
A. Santa Claus rolling down the hill.

Q. Why does Santa have three gardens?
A. So he can go HOE HOE HOE.

Q. What do you get if you cross Santa Claus with a duck?
A. A Christmas Quacker!

Q. How long should a reindeer's legs be?
A. Just long enough to reach the ground!

Q. How do you scare a snowman?
A. You get a hairdryer!

Q. Why are Christmas trees such bad knitters?
A. They are always dropping their needles.

Q. Why didn't the wig get any presents on Christmas?
A. Because it was very knotty.

Q. What nationality is Santa Claus?
A. North Polish.

Q. What is invisible and smells like milk and cookies?
A. Santa's burps!

Q. What Christmas carol is a favourite of parents?
A. Silent Night.

Q. What does Santa clean his sleigh with?
A. Comet.

Q. How do you know when Santa's in the room?
A. You can sense his presents.

Q. What do you get when you deep fry Santa Claus?
A. Crisp Kringle.

Q. What do you call Santa when he goes down a chimney with a fire at the bottom?
A. Krisp Cringle.

Q. What comes before Christmas Eve?
A. Christmas Adam!

Q. Where do snowmen go to dance?
A. The snowball.

Q. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
A. Nothing, it was on the house!

Q. What do you get if you cross an apple and a Christmas tree?
A. Pineapple.

Q. Which of Santa's reindeer has bad manners?
A. Rude-olph!

Q. What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked in the sky?
A. "Looks like rain, dear."

Q. What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
A. An ice burger with chili sauce.

Q. Why were the kids afraid of Christmas?
A. Because of Santa Claws!

Q. How was the snow globe feeling?
A. A little shaken!

Q. Who is Frosty's favorite aunt?
A. Aunt Artica!

Q. What do cows say at Christmas?
A. MOOey Christmas!

Q. What's Santa's favourite candy?
A. Jolly Ranchers!

Q. What's white and red and goes up and down and up and down?
A. Santa Claus in an elevator!

Q. Why do Rappers like Christmas so much?
A. Because of all the wrapping!

Q. Who says "Oh, Oh, Oh!"?
A. Santa walking backwards!

Q. Where do snowmen keep their money?
A. In a snowbank.

Q. Where does a snowman keep his money?
A. In a snow bank.

Q. What do you get when you eat Christmas decorations?
A. Tinsilitis!

Q. Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
A. Because he wanted to sleep like a log!

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gladis
Gladis who?
Gladis not me who got coal this Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Santa
Santa who?
Santa Clause!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Irish
Irish who?
Irish you a Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary and Abbey
Mary and Abbey who?
Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ho, Ho, Ho
Ho, Ho, Ho who?
Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas to you!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow use. I forgot my name again!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Sandy
Sandy who?
Sandy Claus!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary
Mary who?
Merry Christmas!

Jokes

The TV game show was really close. One contestant was asked to name 2 of Santa's reindeer. The contestant gave a sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question, "Rudolph and Olive!"
The host asked the contestant, "We'll accept Rudolph but can you explain Olive?"
The man looked at the host and said, "You know, 'Olive,' the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."
 

Santa Claus: What's that terrible racket outside?
Mrs. Claus: It's rain deer.
 

Father Christmas' sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, "Can you give me a hand?"
"Sorry," the motorist replied. "I'm not a mechanic, I'm a chiropodist."
"Well, can you give me a toe?"
 

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offence," said the judge.
"It is if you do it before the shops are open," countered the prosecutor.
 

They say in the first part in the song Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer there are only 8 reindeer but there are really 12. First there is Rudolf, of course. Then there is Olive, Olive the other reindeer. Then there is Howe, and Howe the reindeer loved him. Then there is Andy, Andy shouted out with glee. There are 12 reindeer in all.
 

Husband: Why don't you buy Christmas seals?
Wife: I really don't know how I'd feed them!
 


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