Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Christmas Jokes

We've got lots of funny Christmas jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What's red and white, red and white, red and white?
A. Santa Claus rolling down the hill.

Q. What do call Santa when he stops moving?
A. Santa Pause!

Q. What do you get if you cross Santa Claus with a duck?
A. A Christmas Quacker!

Q. Why are there only snowmen and not snowwomen?
A. Because only men would stand out in the snow without a coat.

Q. What's white and red and goes up and down and up and down?
A. Santa Claus in an elevator!

Q. Where did Santa Claus go for vacation?
A. Santa Cruz.

Q. What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked in the sky?
A. "Looks like rain, dear."

Q. What does a cat in the dessert have in common with Christmas?
A. Sandy claws.

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. How do you know Santa is good at karate?
A. Because he has a black belt!

Q. What did the cow get for Christmas?
A. A COWculator.

Q. Why does Rudolph have a red nose?
A. Because he sneezes a lot!

Q. Where do snowmen go to dance?
A. The snowball.

Q. Why was Santa's helper depressed?
A. He had low ELF-esteem.

Q. How do you know when Santa's in the room?
A. You can sense his presents.

Q. What did the reindeer say when he saw an elf?
A. Nothing, reindeer can't talk.

Q. What's the best thing to give your parents for Christmas?
A. A list of everything you want!

Q. Who gives presents to baby sharks?
A. Santa Jaws.

Q. What's Santa's favourite candy?
A. Jolly Ranchers!

Q. Where do snowmen keep their money?
A. In a snowbank.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Irish
Irish who?
Irish you a Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ho, Ho, Ho
Ho, Ho, Ho who?
Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas to you!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gladis
Gladis who?
Gladis not me who got coal this Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow use. I forgot my name again!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Santa
Santa who?
Santa Clause!

Jokes

Santa Claus: What's that terrible racket outside? Mrs. Claus: It's rain deer.
 

The TV game show was really close. One contestant was asked to name 2 of Santa's reindeer. The contestant gave a sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question, "Rudolph and Olive!" The host asked the contestant, "We'll accept Rudolph but can you explain Olive?" The man looked at the host and said, "You know, 'Olive,' the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."
 

Father Christmas' sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, "Can you give me a hand?" "Sorry," the motorist replied. "I'm not a mechanic, I'm a chiropodist." "Well, can you give me a toe?"
 

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant. "That's no offence," said the judge. "It is if you do it before the shops are open," countered the prosecutor.
 

They say in the first part in the song Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer there are only 8 reindeer but there are really 12. First there is Rudolf, of course. Then there is Olive, Olive the other reindeer. Then there is Howe, and Howe the reindeer loved him. Then there is Andy, Andy shouted out with glee. There are 12 reindeer in all.
 

Husband: Why don't you buy Christmas seals? Wife: I really don't know how I'd feed them!
 


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