Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Christmas Jokes

We've got lots of funny Christmas jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What's red and white, red and white, red and white?
A. Santa Claus rolling down the hill.

Q. Why did the elf go to school?
A. To learn his ELFabet.

Q. What is the cleanest reindeer called?
A. Comet.

Q. Which elf was the best singer?
A. ELFis Presley.

Q. What's a good holiday tip?
A. Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.

Q. What do you get if you cross Santa and a dog?
A. Santa Paws!

Q. What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A. A broken drum, you cant beat it!

Q. How do you know when Santa's in the room?
A. You can sense his presents.

Q. What is big, red and flies in the sky?
A. Santa Claus.

Q. What do you get when you cross a cat with Santa Claus?
A. Santa-Claws!

Q. Why are there only snowmen and not snowwomen?
A. Because only men would stand out in the snow without a coat.

Q. What do cows say at Christmas?
A. MOOey Christmas!

Q. What do call Santa when he stops moving?
A. Santa Pause!

Q. How do you know Santa is good at karate?
A. Because he has a black belt!

Q. Why did Sponge Bob have a great Christmas?
A. Because he kissed Krabby Patty.

Q. Where do snowmen keep their money?
A. In a snowbank.

Q. What's white and red and goes up and down and up and down?
A. Santa Claus in an elevator!

Q. Why didn't the wig get any presents on Christmas?
A. Because it was very knotty.

Q. What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
A. The Christmas alphabet has NOEL!

Q. Did you hear about the cracker's Christmas party?
A. It was a BANG!

Q. What's Santa's favourite candy?
A. Jolly Ranchers!

Q. What do they sing under the ocean during the winter?
A. Christmas Corals!

Q. What did the cow get for Christmas?
A. A COWculator.

Q. Why did the candy cane cross the road?
A. Because it wanted to get a licking!

Q. Who is Frosty's favorite aunt?
A. Aunt Artica!

Q. How long should a reindeer's legs be?
A. Just long enough to reach the ground!

Q. Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
A. Because of all the wrapping!

Q. What Christmas carol is a favourite of parents?
A. Silent Night.

Q. What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A. A puddle!

Q. Why does Rudolph have a red nose?
A. Because he sneezes a lot!

Q. Where do snowmen go to dance?
A. The snowball.

Q. What comes before Christmas Eve?
A. Christmas Adam!

Q. What is a reindeer's favorite instrument?
A. Horns!

Q. What kind of bug hates Christmas?
A. A humbug.

Q. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
A. Nothing, it was on the house!

Q. Why were the kids afraid of Christmas?
A. Because of Santa Claws!

Q. What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet!

Q. What did the ghost say to Santa Claus?
A. "I'll have a boo Christmas without you."

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. What nationality is Santa Claus?
A. North Polish.

Q. What do you call a Christmas duck?
A. A Christmas quacker!

Q. What do you get when you deep fry Santa Claus?
A. Crisp Kringle.

Q. What do snowmen do on Christmas?
A. Play with the snow angels.

Q. What's white and goes up?
A. A confused snowflake!

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. What do you get if you cross Santa Claus with a duck?
A. A Christmas Quacker!

Q. Where does a snowman keep his money?
A. In a snow bank.

Q. What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
A. An ice burger with chili sauce.

Q. How was the snow globe feeling?
A. A little shaken!

Q. What did the reindeer say when he saw an elf?
A. Nothing, reindeer can't talk.

Q. What did the gingerbread man find on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet!

Q. What says, "Now you see me, now you don't, now you see me, now you don't?"
A. A snowman on a cross walk!

Q. Who says "Oh, Oh, Oh!"?
A. Santa walking backwards!

Q. What does Santa clean his sleigh with?
A. Comet.

Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A. Frosted Flakes.

Q. Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
A. Because he wanted to sleep like a log!

Q. What do you get if you cross mistletoe and a duck?
A. A Christmas Quacker.

Q. What goes in a chimney red and comes out of it black?
A. Santa Claus.

Q. How did the sheep say Merry Christmas?
A. "Fleece Avoided."

Q. What did the monkey sing on Christmas day?
A. Jungle bells, Jungle bells...

Q. What is green, white, and red all over?
A. A sunburnt elf.

Q. What do you get when you eat Christmas decorations?
A. Tinsilitis!

Q. What do you get if you cross an apple and a Christmas tree?
A. Pineapple.

Q. What do you call Santa when he goes down a chimney with a fire at the bottom?
A. Krisp Cringle.

Q. What two countries should the chef use when he's making Christmas dinner?
A. Turkey and Greece.

Q. Why do Rappers like Christmas so much?
A. Because of all the wrapping!

Q. What's white, red and blue at Christmas time?
A. A sad candy cane!

Q. What does Santa say in a race?
A. "Ready, set, HO!"

Q. What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament?
A. "Aren't you tired of hanging around?"

Q. Which of Santa's reindeer has bad manners?
A. Rude-olph!

Q. What does a cat in the dessert have in common with Christmas?
A. Sandy claws.

Q. What flies when it's born, lies when it's alive, and runs when it's dead?
A. Snow.

Q. What's the best thing to give your parents for Christmas?
A. A list of everything you want!

Q. Who gives presents to baby sharks?
A. Santa Jaws.

Q. What is invisible and smells like milk and cookies?
A. Santa's burps!

Q. What's black and white and red all over?
A. Santa covered with chimney soot.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gladis
Gladis who?
Gladis not me who got coal this Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Santa
Santa who?
Santa Clause!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Irish
Irish who?
Irish you a Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary and Abbey
Mary and Abbey who?
Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ho, Ho, Ho
Ho, Ho, Ho who?
Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas to you!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow use. I forgot my name again!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Sandy
Sandy who?
Sandy Claus!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary
Mary who?
Merry Christmas!

Jokes

The TV game show was really close. One contestant was asked to name 2 of Santa's reindeer. The contestant gave a sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question, "Rudolph and Olive!"
The host asked the contestant, "We'll accept Rudolph but can you explain Olive?"
The man looked at the host and said, "You know, 'Olive,' the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."
 

Santa Claus: What's that terrible racket outside?
Mrs. Claus: It's rain deer.
 

Father Christmas' sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, "Can you give me a hand?"
"Sorry," the motorist replied. "I'm not a mechanic, I'm a chiropodist."
"Well, can you give me a toe?"
 

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offence," said the judge.
"It is if you do it before the shops are open," countered the prosecutor.
 

They say in the first part in the song Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer there are only 8 reindeer but there are really 12. First there is Rudolf, of course. Then there is Olive, Olive the other reindeer. Then there is Howe, and Howe the reindeer loved him. Then there is Andy, Andy shouted out with glee. There are 12 reindeer in all.
 

Husband: Why don't you buy Christmas seals?
Wife: I really don't know how I'd feed them!
 


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