Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Christmas Jokes

We've got lots of funny Christmas jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What comes before Christmas Eve?
A. Christmas Adam!

Q. Why does Rudolph have a red nose?
A. Because he sneezes a lot!

Q. What do you get if you cross an apple and a Christmas tree?
A. Pineapple.

Q. What two countries should the chef use when he's making Christmas dinner?
A. Turkey and Greece.

Q. What is the cleanest reindeer called?
A. Comet.

Q. What is green, white, and red all over?
A. A sunburnt elf.

Q. How do you know when Santa's in the room?
A. You can sense his presents.

Q. How long should a reindeer's legs be?
A. Just long enough to reach the ground!

Q. How was the snow globe feeling?
A. A little shaken!

Q. What does a cat in the dessert have in common with Christmas?
A. Sandy claws.

Q. Where did Santa Claus go for vacation?
A. Santa Cruz.

Q. How do you know Santa is good at karate?
A. Because he has a black belt!

Q. What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
A. The Christmas alphabet has NOEL!

Q. What do you get when you eat Christmas decorations?
A. Tinsilitis!

Q. What did the cow get for Christmas?
A. A COWculator.

Q. What do call Santa when he stops moving?
A. Santa Pause!

Q. Why did the candy cane cross the road?
A. Because it wanted to get a licking!

Q. Why do Rappers like Christmas so much?
A. Because of all the wrapping!

Q. Why does Santa have three gardens?
A. So he can go HOE HOE HOE.

Q. What did the monkey sing on Christmas day?
A. Jungle bells, Jungle bells...

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Santa
Santa who?
Santa Clause!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Irish
Irish who?
Irish you a Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ho, Ho, Ho
Ho, Ho, Ho who?
Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas to you!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary and Abbey
Mary and Abbey who?
Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gladis
Gladis who?
Gladis not me who got coal this Christmas!

Jokes

The TV game show was really close. One contestant was asked to name 2 of Santa's reindeer. The contestant gave a sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question, "Rudolph and Olive!" The host asked the contestant, "We'll accept Rudolph but can you explain Olive?" The man looked at the host and said, "You know, 'Olive,' the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."
 

Father Christmas' sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, "Can you give me a hand?" "Sorry," the motorist replied. "I'm not a mechanic, I'm a chiropodist." "Well, can you give me a toe?"
 

Husband: Why don't you buy Christmas seals? Wife: I really don't know how I'd feed them!
 

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant. "That's no offence," said the judge. "It is if you do it before the shops are open," countered the prosecutor.
 

They say in the first part in the song Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer there are only 8 reindeer but there are really 12. First there is Rudolf, of course. Then there is Olive, Olive the other reindeer. Then there is Howe, and Howe the reindeer loved him. Then there is Andy, Andy shouted out with glee. There are 12 reindeer in all.
 

Santa Claus: What's that terrible racket outside? Mrs. Claus: It's rain deer.
 


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