Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Animal Jokes

We've got lots of funny Animal jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. Why can't you take a test in the zoo?
A. There are too many cheetahs!

Q. What bird can write?
A. PENguin!

Q. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A. An investiGATOR!

Q. What do you get if you cross a cow and a duck?
A. A creamy quacker!

Q. Why do elephants have trunks?
A. Because they would look funny with a suitcase.

Q. What do you say to Simba when he's moving too slow?
A. Mufasa!

Q. Why did the leopard refuse to take a bath?
A. It didn't want to come out spotless.

Q. When does a zebra soldier get to be a sergeant?
A. When he earns his stripes.

Q. What's a cow's favourite drink?
A. LeMOOnade.

Q. What is black, white and red?
A. A panda with a rash!

Q. What did the snail say when he was riding on the back of a turtle?
A. "Weeeee!"

Q. What animal carries an umbrella around?
A. A reindeer!

Q. What do you call a bunny with fleas?
A. Bugs Bunny.

Q. How did the sheep get red cheeks?
A. It was MAAHD!

Q. Why don't they play cards in Africa?
A. There are too many Cheetahs!

Q. What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A. A cloud!

Q. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A. A gummy bear.

Q. What has four legs, a tail, whiskers and cuts grass?
A. A lawn MEOW-er!

Q. What do you call an elephant at the North Pole?
A. Lost.

Q. What's brown and blue and swings through the jungle?
A. A monkey wearing a denim jacket!

Q. What do frogs drink?
A. Croak-a-cola.

Q. There were two elephants under one umbrella, why didn't they get wet?
A. It wasn't raining.

Q. What do you call an elephant on the road?
A. A speed bump.

Q. What is a cow's favorite portrait?
A. MOOna Lisa!

Q. What kind of vehicle does a lamb drive?
A. A LAMBorghini!

Q. What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
A. Time to get a new fence.

Q. Why do elephants have wrinkles?
A. Ever tried to iron an elephant?

Q. What is the cat's favorite button on the remote?
A. Paws.

Q. What did the elephant say to her son when he was naughty?
A. "Tusk tusk!"

Q. Where do cows stay when they go on vacation?
A. MOO-tels!

Q. What do you get when you cross a sheep and a kangaroo?
A. A woolly jumper!

Q. Where do ducks go when they are sick?
A. The DUCKtor!

Q. What was Mr. Cow and Mrs. Cow's favorite time together?
A. When they went on their honeyMOOn.

Q. How do rabbits travel?
A. By hare planes!

Q. What did the porcupine say to the cactus?
A. "Are you my mommy?"

Q. What dog keeps the best time?
A. A watch-dog.

Q. What do you call a rabbit with the sniffles?
A. A runny bunny.

Q. I am found on land and in the sea but I don't walk or swim. I travel by foot but I'm toeless. No matter where I go I'm never far from home. Who am I?
A. A snail.

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. A rabbit hops by IHOP. He looks at the sign. What does he say?
A. "Big deal, so do I."

Q. What does a chicken have in common with a band?
A. Drumsticks.

Q. What do beavers like on their salad?
A. Branch dressing.

Q. What do you get if you cross a cow and a camel?
A. A lumpy milkshake!

Q. What kind of monkey can fly?
A. A hot air BABOON!

Q. If there was a spelling test, which animal would win?
A. The bee!

Q. What do you call a tiny rodent?
A. Mini mouse.

Q. Why was the horse unable to get into the antelopes' music club?
A. He had no horns!

Q. Which animal is the oldest in the world?
A. The zebra because it's still black and white.

Q. Why is a snake lucky?
A. Because you can't pull its leg!

Q. Why do ducks have webbed feet?
A. To stomp out forest fires.

Q. Why do ducks have webbed feet?
A. To stomp out forest fires.

Q. Why aren't dogs good dancers?
A. They have two left feet.

Q. If a very small fish married a young dog, what would their baby be called?
A. A guppy puppy.

Q. What's the biggest type of moth?
A. A mammoth.

Q. What do polar bears like to snack on?
A. Eskimo thighs.

Q. What do you give a frog at a hospital?
A. A HOPeration!

Q. Why did the elephant paint his fingernails red?
A. So he could hide in a bowl of cherries.

Q. What time is it when an elephant sits in a chair?
A. Time to buy a new chair!

Q. Why was the elephant afraid of the computer store?
A. Because they sold the world's best mice.

Q. What does a cow do at the theatres?
A. Watch a MOO-vie.

Q. What do you call it when a dinosaur crashes his car?
A. A Tyrannosaurus WRECK!

Q. How do you get 6 donkeys into a fire engine?
A. Two in the front, two in the back and two on the top going, "He-haw, he-haw!"

Q. Where does a cow go when he's bored?
A. To the MOOvies.

Q. What do you call a chimp that likes to eat potato chips?
A. A chip-monk!

Q. What is a cow's favourite drink?
A. MOO Juice.

Q. What does a panda ghost eat?
A. Bam-BOO!

Q. What is a dog that sneezes?
A. Achoowawa!

Q. A skunk, a frog and a duck wanted to go to the movies. The movies cost a dollar, which animal got to go?
A. The frog because it was the only one with a greenback.

Q. A duck, a cat and a cow went out to dinner, who had to pay?
A. The duck. He was the only one with a bill.

Q. Where do famous dragons go after they retire?
A. The hall of flame!

Q. What is a cat's favorite color?
A. PURRple!

Q. Why did the goose cross the road?
A. He didn't want to be called a chicken!

Q. What's the difference between a dog and a flea?
A. A dog can have fleas, but a flea can't have dogs.

Q. What has two heads, one tail and six legs?
A. A man on a horse.

Q. What kind of place should you never take a dog?
A. To the Flea Market.

Q. Who was the first deer in space?
A. Buck Rogers.

Q. What 2 animals have the same last name?
A. The donKEY and the monKEY.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Amos
Amos who?
Amos quito just bit me, boo hoo!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don't know
To get to your house.
---
Knock, knock
Who's there?
The chicken!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
A parrot
A parrot who?
A parrot who?
Okay, now I get it!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Who
Who who?
I didn't know you were an owl!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrup...
Moooooooo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cows go
Cows go who?
No, cows go moo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Twit
Twit who?
Did anyone else hear an owl?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Owls
Owls who?
That's correct, owls who!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Lionel
Lionel who?
Lionel bite you if you don't watch out!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Three pigs
Three pigs who?
Three pigs who can't reach the doorbell.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Some bunny
Some bunny who?
Some bunny has been eating my carrots!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gorilla
Gorilla who?
Gorilla me a hamburger!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dinosaur
Dinosaur who?
Dinosaurs don't go who, they go ROAR!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Monkey
Monkey who?
Monkey see. Monkey do.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dasum
Dasum who?
Dasum cute dog!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cobra
Cobra who?
Go brush your teeth!!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Kanga
Kanga who?
No, Kangaroo!

Jokes

There was a man and he was walking a lion on the side of the street when a policeman came and said, "Sir please don't walk your lion on the side of the street because its very dangerous. Why don't you take him to the zoo?!"
The man agreed with him and took his lion to the zoo.

The next day the policeman saw the man walking his lion again and told him the same thing but the man said, "I already took him to the zoo and he liked it a lot, now I'm going to take him to the movies."
 

Mary had a little lamb,
But the lamb started to tease her.
Mary said, "STOP!"
But the lamb refused
So now it's in the freezer.
 

Down in the south where coconuts grow, an elephant stepped on a mosquito's toe. The mosquito jumped up with tears in his eyes and said, "Excuse me but you're not my size."
 

There were 3 cats, The first cat said, "Meow."
Second cat said, "Meow."
Third cat said, "Meow, meow."
The first cat said, "Don't change the subject."
 

A first grade teacher was telling her students the story of "Chicken Little." She got to the part when Chicken Little ran up to the Farmer saying, "The sky is falling. The sky is falling." Then the teacher paused and asked the kids what they thought the farmer said. One little girl raised her hand and the teacher called on her. The little girl then said, "I think the farmer said Holy cow, a talking chicken!"
 

A woman walks into a bar and sits down next to a guy near a dog. The woman asks, "Does your dog bite?"
The guy replied,"No."
The woman reached down to pet the dog and it bit her. "I thought you said he didn't bite," she yelled.
"That's not my dog," he yelled!
 

A man walked into a pub and bought a sandwich, then a panda walked into the pub and stole the sandwich, ate it, shoots the barman and leaves. So the man goes out and says to the panda, "Why did you eat my sandwich, shoot the barman and then just leave?"
The panda says, "Look panda up in the dictionary."
So he looked Panda up and read: Eats shoots and leaves.
 

Bob: I lost my dog today.
Bill: So put an ad in the paper.
Bob: What good would that do? My dog can't read.
 

An elephant asked an ant, "Please hide me." So the ant replied, "Hide behind me."
 

Two turtles were walking across the road, when suddenly a bright red car came racing around the corner and straight for them, one said to the other, "RUN!"
 

A guy and his elephant are driving and get pulled over. The policeman says, "You need to take the elephant to the zoo." So the guy took his elephant to the zoo.

The next day, the same policeman pulls over the same guy and elephant. The policeman says, "I told you to take the elephant to the zoo."
The guy says, "I did yesterday, today we are going to a baseball game."
 

There were two sisters and they had $700 to spend on a bull. So one sister stayed home and looked after the farm while the other went to the auction. The sister brought the bull for $699 so she went to the post office and asked how much it was to send a telegram. It was $1 a word. So she told the man to send the word: Comfortable. (Come-for-the-bull.)
 

Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell Crocodile?
Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L.
Teacher: No, that's wrong.
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
 

There was a man who bought a camel. The previous owner told him that to make it walk, say "few," to make it run, say "many" and to make it stop say "amen". So one day the man decided to have a practise ride. He said "few" and the camel started walking, he said "many" and it started running, right towards the edge of a cliff. But the man forgot how to make it stop, so, panicking, he shouted out "Lord save me, Lord save me, Amen" and of course the camel stopped - at the VERY edge. Relieved the man said to himself, "Phew, that was clo-aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
 

There were 2 cats looking into a green canary's cage. The first cat said to the second cat, "That's not a canary, it's green!"
The second cat said, "I don't know, maybe it's not ripe yet!"
 

A newspaper reporter submitted a story about the theft of 2,025 pigs.
His editor, struck at the size of the theft, called the farmer to confirm.
"Is it true that you lost two thousand twenty-five pigs?" he asked.
"Yeth," said the farmer.
The editor thanked him, hung up, and changed the phrase to "two sows and 25 pigs."
 

Tongue Twister: A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk but the stump thunk the skunk stunk!
 

Teacher: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Clyde: No, sir. It's the same dog.
 

A horse walked into the bar and the bartender said, "Why the long face?"
 

A little boy was in a wedding. Every time he walked 2 steps down the aisle, he would roar. When he finally got to the end of the aisle the people asked what he was doing. The little boy said that he was just being the Ring Bear.
 

One day, Ah Meng asked Siew Lee, "Why do lions eat raw meat?"
Siew Lee said, "Because they are wild animals?"
Ah Meng said, "Wrong! They eat raw meat because they can't cook!"
 

A cat died in a house. The servant started crying badly.
Master: It is only a cat that has died, why are you crying so much?
Servant: Master, when the cat was there I used to drink the milk and put the blame on it. Now on whom will I put the blame?
 

The pillow asks the teddy bear, "Do you want an ice cream sundae?" The bear says, "No thanks, I'm stuffed!"
 

One day a lady entered a pet shop.
Lady: May I have a rabbit for my daughter?
Storekeeper: Sorry Ma'am, we don't do trades.
 

There were three male dogs, a Golden Retriever, a Lab, and Chihuahua, walking down the street. On their walk, they met a beautiful French Poodle. They all ran up to the poodle. The poodle says to the three dogs, "Since you all want to marry me, whoever can say liver and cheese in a complete sentence will get to marry me."
The Golden Retriever says, "I love liver and cheese."
The poodle replied, "How childish"
The Lab says, "I hate liver and cheese."
"You're hopeless," said the poodle.
The Chihuahua says, "Liver alone, cheese mine."
 

Policeman: One of your elephants has been seen chasing a man on a bicycle.
Zoo keeper: Nonsense, none of my elephants know how to ride a bicycle.
 

There were three pigs and they walked into a restaurant. The waiter said, "What do you want to eat?" The first pig ordered fish and chips the second ordered pizza and the third ordered water.

The waiter came again and said, "What do you want for dessert?" The first pig wanted custard, the second some cake and the third wanted water again. The waiter said, "Why do you always have water?"
The pig replied, "Because one of us has to go wee, wee, wee all the way home!"
 

A man decided to start a chicken farm and brought 24 to get started. A week later he bought another 24 and another 24 the week after that. When his friend asked how his chicken farm was coming along the man replied, "Not one of them has grown yet. I wonder if I'm planting them too deep?"
 

Peter: Mother, why is a snail stronger than an elephant?
Mother: I don't know.
Peter: Because a snail can carry its own home, but an elephant can only carry its own trunk.
 

One day a duck waddles into a mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no and the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck waddles into the mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no and the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck does the same and once again the clerk says no and adds if you ask me one more time I will nail your webbed feet to the floor. So the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck waddles into the mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any nails?" The clerk says no. "Then got any grapes?"
 


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