Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Animal Jokes

We've got lots of funny Animal jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A. A cloud!

Q. What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an elephant?
A. Great big holes all over Australia.

Q. What is grey, has a tail and a trunk?
A. A mouse going on a vacation.

Q. What does a polar bear use to keep his head warm?
A. A polar ice cap.

Q. What do beavers like on their salad?
A. Branch dressing.

Q. What kind of bird uses ink to write?
A. A PEN-guin!

Q. Where does a penguin go to visit his aunt?
A. ANT-arctica!

Q. What do cows say at Christmas?
A. MOOey Christmas!

Q. What is the best way to catch a squirrel?
A. Act like a nut.

Q. What card game do crocodiles like to play?
A. SNAP!

Q. Why do elephants have wrinkles?
A. Ever tried to iron an elephant?

Q. How did the dog get splinters in his tongue?
A. He ate table scraps.

Q. Why does a Koala carry its baby on its back?
A. Because they can't push a pram up a tree!

Q. Where do baby apes sleep?
A. In APEricots!

Q. What place has the most cows?
A. Moo York. (New York)

Q. What do you call elephants that swim?
A. Swimming trunks!

Q. Why can't you take a test in the zoo?
A. There are too many cheetahs!

Q. What do you get when you cross a moose and a ghost?
A. A cariboo!

Q. Why didn't the bunny hop?
A. No bunny knows.

Q. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A. An investiGATOR!

Q. Why was the walrus late for the party?
A. His iceberg ran into a ship!

Q. What is the difference between a cat that got photocopied and a cat that follows you?
A. One is a cat copy, the other is a copy cat.

Q. What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A. A milkshake!

Q. What do you call a bear who forgot his socks?
A. BEARfooted.

Q. What's new at the zoo?
A. A gnu!

Q. What do you call a blind dinosaur?
A. Doyouthinkhesarus?

Q. What do you get when you cross a ball and a cat?
A. A fur ball.

Q. What is a cow's favourite movie?
A. Moo-lan.

Q. What's a cow's favourite drink?
A. LeMOOnade.

Q. What has the fur of a cat, the whiskers of a cat, ears of a car, a tail of a cat, but is not a cat?
A. A kitten.

Q. How do rabbits travel?
A. By hare planes!

Q. What did the sun say to the sheep and the cloud?
A. "Whoa, are y'all related?"

Q. What do you call a bunny with fleas?
A. Bugs Bunny.

Q. Why did the cow cross the road?
A. To get to the MOOvies.

Q. How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?
A. You open the door and put the elephant in and then close the door.

Q. How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?
A. You open the door and put the elephant in and then close the door.

Q. How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?
A. You open the door and put the elephant in and then close the door.

Q. How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?
A. You open the door and put the elephant in and then close the door.

Q. What do you call a cow with no legs?
A. Ground beef.

Q. Where do you get draggin' milk?
A. From a cow with short legs.

Q. What do you call a reptile that sings?
A. A RAPtile!

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. What do you say to Simba when he's moving too slow?
A. Mufasa!

Q. What are a shark's favorite games?
A. Swallow the Leader and Go Fish!

Q. How do you stop a rhino from charging?
A. Take away its credit card.

Q. What kind of musical instrument do rats play?
A. Mouse organs.

Q. How does a rabbit throw a tantrum?
A. He gets hopping mad.

Q. How do you get fat free milk?
A. From a skinny cow!

Q. What do you call a sleeping bull?
A. A BULL-dozer.

Q. What do you call a Christmas duck?
A. A Christmas quacker!

Q. Where is the best place to leave a dog when you go to a ball game?
A. In the barking lot.

Q. What cat likes living in water?
A. An octoPUSS!

Q. What do you get when you mix a German Shepard and a giraffe?
A. A watch dog for the fifteenth floor!

Q. What has 6 eyes but cannot see?
A. Three blind mice.

Q. Why is a snake lucky?
A. Because you can't pull its leg!

Q. What kind of dog can jump higher than a skyscraper?
A. Any dog, skyscrapers can't jump.

Q. What do you need if you see a kangaroo 20 miles away?
A. I don't know, but you sure don't need glasses.

Q. What are the strongest animals in the ocean?
A. Mussels!

Q. Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant?
A. Because he had a big bill.

Q. What do you get if you cross a cow and a duck?
A. A creamy quacker!

Q. What did the judge say when the skunk entered the court?
A. "Odor in the court!"

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher with a tiger?
A. I don't know but you better behave in its class!

Q. What animal never tells the truth?
A. A lion.

Q. How do you get 6 donkeys into a fire engine?
A. Two in the front, two in the back and two on the top going, "He-haw, he-haw!"

Q. What is green and hangs off trees?
A. Giraffe snot.

Q. Why do cats always go after mice and birds?
A. Because cats like fast food.

Q. What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?
A. A submarine with a built-in snorkel.

Q. What does a triceratops sit on?
A. It's tricera-bottom!

Q. Why did the young cat get arrested ?
A. For his litter!

Q. What is black and white and red all over?
A. A penguin doing 100 push ups.

Q. What way do the cows like to go?
A. The milky way!

Q. What do you call a polar bear in the desert?
A. Lost.

Q. What has two heads, one tail and six legs?
A. A man on a horse.

Q. What's the biggest type of moth?
A. A mammoth.

Q. What kind of horses have 6 legs?
A. The ones that are being ridden!

Q. Why didn't the squirrel cross the telephone wire?
A. Because the line was busy.

Q. Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
A. Because he wanted to see his flat mate!

Q. What's a monkey's favorite snack?
A. Chocolate chimp cookies.

Q. There are 20 birds in a tree. A man comes and shoots one of the birds. How many birds are left?
A. None, because all the birds flew away after hearing the gun shot.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Amos
Amos who?
Amos quito just bit me, boo hoo!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don't know
To get to your house.
---
Knock, knock
Who's there?
The chicken!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
A parrot
A parrot who?
A parrot who?
Okay, now I get it!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Who
Who who?
I didn't know you were an owl!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrup...
Moooooooo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cows go
Cows go who?
No, cows go moo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Twit
Twit who?
Did anyone else hear an owl?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Owls
Owls who?
That's correct, owls who!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Lionel
Lionel who?
Lionel bite you if you don't watch out!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Three pigs
Three pigs who?
Three pigs who can't reach the doorbell.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Some bunny
Some bunny who?
Some bunny has been eating my carrots!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gorilla
Gorilla who?
Gorilla me a hamburger!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dinosaur
Dinosaur who?
Dinosaurs don't go who, they go ROAR!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Monkey
Monkey who?
Monkey see. Monkey do.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dasum
Dasum who?
Dasum cute dog!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cobra
Cobra who?
Go brush your teeth!!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Kanga
Kanga who?
No, Kangaroo!

Jokes

Teacher: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Clyde: No, sir. It's the same dog.
 

If pigs could fly, imagine what their wings would taste like!
 

Once there was a scientist doing a test on a frog. He told the frog to jump, so it jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "4 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off one of the frog's front legs and said, "Jump." The frog jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "3 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off the frog's other front leg and said, "Jump," and the frog jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "2 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off one of the frog's back legs and said, "Jump," and the frog jumped. So the scientist wrote in his notes, "1 leg jump."

Then the scientist cut off the last leg and said, "Jump," and the frog didn't move. So the scientist said it again, but it still didn't move, so in his notes the scientist wrote, "No legs-goes deaf."
 

There were 3 cats, The first cat said, "Meow."
Second cat said, "Meow."
Third cat said, "Meow, meow."
The first cat said, "Don't change the subject."
 

Two turtles were walking across the road, when suddenly a bright red car came racing around the corner and straight for them, one said to the other, "RUN!"
 

A guy and his elephant are driving and get pulled over. The policeman says, "You need to take the elephant to the zoo." So the guy took his elephant to the zoo.

The next day, the same policeman pulls over the same guy and elephant. The policeman says, "I told you to take the elephant to the zoo."
The guy says, "I did yesterday, today we are going to a baseball game."
 

A little boy was in a wedding. Every time he walked 2 steps down the aisle, he would roar. When he finally got to the end of the aisle the people asked what he was doing. The little boy said that he was just being the Ring Bear.
 

Snake 1: I hope I'm not poisonous.
Snake 2: Why?
Snake 1: Because I just bit my tongue.
 

A first grade teacher was telling her students the story of "Chicken Little." She got to the part when Chicken Little ran up to the Farmer saying, "The sky is falling. The sky is falling." Then the teacher paused and asked the kids what they thought the farmer said. One little girl raised her hand and the teacher called on her. The little girl then said, "I think the farmer said Holy cow, a talking chicken!"
 

Down in the south where coconuts grow, an elephant stepped on a mosquito's toe. The mosquito jumped up with tears in his eyes and said, "Excuse me but you're not my size."
 

The pillow asks the teddy bear, "Do you want an ice cream sundae?" The bear says, "No thanks, I'm stuffed!"
 

A man decided to start a chicken farm and brought 24 to get started. A week later he bought another 24 and another 24 the week after that. When his friend asked how his chicken farm was coming along the man replied, "Not one of them has grown yet. I wonder if I'm planting them too deep?"
 

Tongue Twister: A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk but the stump thunk the skunk stunk!
 

Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell Crocodile?
Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L.
Teacher: No, that's wrong.
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
 

A newspaper reporter submitted a story about the theft of 2,025 pigs.
His editor, struck at the size of the theft, called the farmer to confirm.
"Is it true that you lost two thousand twenty-five pigs?" he asked.
"Yeth," said the farmer.
The editor thanked him, hung up, and changed the phrase to "two sows and 25 pigs."
 

A mother snake bought a gift for her son's birthday. The son was so thrilled he hissed, "Mommy! Help me open it. I'm crawling out of my skin with excitement!"
 

Bob: I lost my dog today.
Bill: So put an ad in the paper.
Bob: What good would that do? My dog can't read.
 

A horse walked into the bar and the bartender said, "Why the long face?"
 

When my brother told me to stop impersonating a flamingo I had to put my foot down.
 

One day, Ah Meng asked Siew Lee, "Why do lions eat raw meat?"
Siew Lee said, "Because they are wild animals?"
Ah Meng said, "Wrong! They eat raw meat because they can't cook!"
 

Three pigs walked into a restaurant and the waiter asked them what they would like to drink. The first pig wanted Coke, the second Sprite and the third wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter came back to ask for the main course and the first pig wanted salad, the second wanted chicken and the third pig wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter came back and asked for their dessert choices. The first pig wanted cake, the second wanted cupcakes and the third pig wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter was curious and asked the third pig, "Why do you want so much water?"
The third little pig smiled and said, "I'm the little pig that goes, wee, wee, wee all the way home"
 

An elephant asked an ant, "Please hide me." So the ant replied, "Hide behind me."
 

There were three pigs and they walked into a restaurant. The waiter said, "What do you want to eat?" The first pig ordered fish and chips the second ordered pizza and the third ordered water.

The waiter came again and said, "What do you want for dessert?" The first pig wanted custard, the second some cake and the third wanted water again. The waiter said, "Why do you always have water?"
The pig replied, "Because one of us has to go wee, wee, wee all the way home!"
 

There's this man, he walks up to this lady's door. The lady answers it. The man says, "I'm terribly sorry. I just ran over your cat. I'd like to replace it." Then the woman says. "How good are you at catching mice?"
 

A woman walks into a bar and sits down next to a guy near a dog. The woman asks, "Does your dog bite?"
The guy replied,"No."
The woman reached down to pet the dog and it bit her. "I thought you said he didn't bite," she yelled.
"That's not my dog," he yelled!
 

One day a duck waddles into a mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no and the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck waddles into the mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no and the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck does the same and once again the clerk says no and adds if you ask me one more time I will nail your webbed feet to the floor. So the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck waddles into the mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any nails?" The clerk says no. "Then got any grapes?"
 

Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said, "Oh, come on, let's eat the sandwiches."
Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!"
 

One day a lady entered a pet shop.
Lady: May I have a rabbit for my daughter?
Storekeeper: Sorry Ma'am, we don't do trades.
 

One day a big tortoise, a middle sized tortoise and a small tortoise went into a cafe. They ordered three banana splits. While they were waiting they noticed it had begun to rain. "Look at that," said the big tortoise, "we should have brought our umbrella."
"You're right," said the middle tortoise. "Let's send the little one back to get it."
"I'll go," said the little one. "But only if you promise not to eat my banana split."
The big tortoise and the middle tortoise promised.

A few days later the big tortoise said to the middle tortoise, "Come on, let's eat his banana spilt any way."
"All right," said the middle tortoise.
At that moment the little tortoise shouted from the end of the cafe, "You do that and I won't get your umbrella!"
 

A man walked into a pub and bought a sandwich, then a panda walked into the pub and stole the sandwich, ate it, shoots the barman and leaves. So the man goes out and says to the panda, "Why did you eat my sandwich, shoot the barman and then just leave?"
The panda says, "Look panda up in the dictionary."
So he looked Panda up and read: Eats shoots and leaves.
 


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