Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Animal Jokes

We've got lots of funny Animal jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What kind of musical instrument do rats play?
A. Mouse organs.

Q. What do you get when you cross a dog, a goat and an elephant?
A. A dogophant.

Q. What does a cow grow on its face?
A. A MOOstache.

Q. What do you call a cow with a twitch?
A. Beef jerky.

Q. What did the judge say when the skunk entered the court?
A. "Odor in the court!"

Q. What do you get when you cross an octagon with a cat?
A. An octopus.

Q. What do you call an Italian cow that likes coffee?
A. De-calf.

Q. What's black, white and blue all over?
A. A cold zebra.

Q. What do eskimos call their cows?
A. Eski-MOOS.

Q. Why do gorillas have broad fingers?
A. Because they have large nostrils.

Q. What animal is good with tools?
A. Hammer-head shark!

Q. How do you spell mousetrap with ONLY three letters?
A. C-A-T!

Q. Why was the elephant afraid of the computer store?
A. Because they sold the world's best mice.

Q. How do you make a cow float?
A. Root beer, ice cream, a cherry, and a cow.

Q. What is a cat's favorite color?
A. PURRple!

Q. What is a cow's favourite drink?
A. MOO Juice.

Q. What do you give a frog at a hospital?
A. A HOPeration!

Q. If a very small fish married a young dog, what would their baby be called?
A. A guppy puppy.

Q. What is black, white and red?
A. A panda with a rash!

Q. Sam, Lula, Mike, and Kayla all live in a house. Mike and Kayla went out to the movies and when they got back Lula was on the floor dead in a pile of broken glass and water. Sam was on the couch sleeping and didn't know what happened. How did Lula die?
A. Sam is a dog and Lula is a fish. Sam pushed over the fish bowl.

Q. What do fish eat for lunch?
A. SANDwiches!

Q. When does a zebra soldier get to be a sergeant?
A. When he earns his stripes.

Q. What is smaller then a talking cat?
A. A spelling bee.

Q. What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
A. Ouchy, mama!

Q. What's new at the zoo?
A. A gnu!

Q. One cow is talking to another cow and looks away for 10 seconds and the other cow is gone. Where is the other cow?
A. Over the moon!

Q. What do you call a chimp that likes to eat potato chips?
A. A chip-monk!

Q. What did the porcupine say to the cactus?
A. "Are you my mommy?"

Q. What do you get when you cross a moose and a ghost?
A. A cariboo!

Q. Why did the goose cross the road?
A. He didn't want to be called a chicken!

Q. What do you get with a kangoroo and a snake?
A. A jump rope.

Q. Why is getting up in the morning like a pig's tail?
A. It's twirly. (Too early)

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To show the possums how it's done.

Q. What's an angry bull's favourite drink?
A. Red Bull.

Q. What do you get if you cross a porcupine and a giraffe?
A. A seven metre long toothbrush!

Q. What do you call a dark colored horse that really scares you?
A. A nightMARE!

Q. What is a porcupine's favourite game?
A. Poker.

Q. Why did the cow eat the tight rope walker?
A. Because he wanted a balanced meal!

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. What kind of place should you never take a dog?
A. To the Flea Market.

Q. What do you call a tiny rodent?
A. Mini mouse.

Q. What do you get when you cross a monkey and a pansy?
A. A chimpansy.

Q. Why don't penguins live in Britain?
A. Because they're scared of Wales!

Q. How do you know clams are lazy?
A. They are always in their beds.

Q. Where does a bunny go if you give it a pair of socks?
A. A sock hop.

Q. Where do horses go when they are sick?
A. HORSEpital.

Q. What kind of motorcycle does a pig drive?
A. A hog!

Q. What do you call a pig that does karate?
A. Pork Chop!

Q. Why was the horse unable to get into the antelopes' music club?
A. He had no horns!

Q. What do you get when you cross a lamb and a rocket?
A. A space sheep!

Q. What keys can make you laugh?
A. Monkeys!

Q. What is black, white and red all over?
A. An embarassed zebra!

Q. There are 2 cats, one is French and the other English. The French cat's name was Un Deux Trois and the English cat's name was One Two Three. Both cats think they're better than the other. To determine this they have a swimming contest. Which cat wins and why?
A. The English cat, because Un Deux Trois Quatre Cinq! (Un Deux Trois cat sank)

Q. What do you get if you cross a bee and a bunny?
A. A honey bunny!

Q. What's a cat's favourite magazine?
A. A CAT-alogue.

Q. Why did the cow go to Hollywood?
A. She wanted to be a movie star.

Q. Why did the gum cross the road?
A. It was stuck to the chicken's foot.

Q. A rabbit hops by IHOP. He looks at the sign. What does he say?
A. "Big deal, so do I."

Q. What dog loves to take a shower?
A. A shamPOODLE.

Q. What do you get when you cross a chicken and a centipede?
A. Drumsticks for everyone!

Q. I am found on land and in the sea but I don't walk or swim. I travel by foot but I'm toeless. No matter where I go I'm never far from home. Who am I?
A. A snail.

Q. What is the difference between a cat that got photocopied and a cat that follows you?
A. One is a cat copy, the other is a copy cat.

Q. Why can't you do a math test in the jungle?
A. There are too many cheetahs!

Q. What did the cat say when he fell off the table?
A. "Me ow!"

Q. Why did the dalmation go to the eye doctor?
A. Because he kept seeing spots.

Q. What do you call a bear who forgot his socks?
A. BEARfooted.

Q. Why did the dinosaur bring string to the baseball game?
A. He wanted to tie up the score!

Q. Why did the dinosaur wear a bandage?
A. Because he had a dino-SORE!

Q. What do you call a deer that makes money?
A. A buck!

Q. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A. A dino-snore!

Q. What are a shark's favorite games?
A. Swallow the Leader and Go Fish!

Q. What animal has more lives than a cat?
A. A frog because it croaks every night!

Q. What do frogs drink?
A. Croak-a-cola.

Q. There are ten cats on a boat. One jumps off, how many are left?
A. None, they were all copy cats!

Q. Why did the sheep go to the movies?
A. To get some snAAAHks!

Q. What do you call a bear with no ears?
A. B.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Amos
Amos who?
Amos quito just bit me, boo hoo!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don't know
To get to your house.
---
Knock, knock
Who's there?
The chicken!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
A parrot
A parrot who?
A parrot who?
Okay, now I get it!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Who
Who who?
I didn't know you were an owl!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrup...
Moooooooo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cows go
Cows go who?
No, cows go moo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Twit
Twit who?
Did anyone else hear an owl?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Owls
Owls who?
That's correct, owls who!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Lionel
Lionel who?
Lionel bite you if you don't watch out!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Three pigs
Three pigs who?
Three pigs who can't reach the doorbell.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Some bunny
Some bunny who?
Some bunny has been eating my carrots!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gorilla
Gorilla who?
Gorilla me a hamburger!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dinosaur
Dinosaur who?
Dinosaurs don't go who, they go ROAR!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Monkey
Monkey who?
Monkey see. Monkey do.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dasum
Dasum who?
Dasum cute dog!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cobra
Cobra who?
Go brush your teeth!!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Kanga
Kanga who?
No, Kangaroo!

Jokes

Once there was a scientist doing a test on a frog. He told the frog to jump, so it jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "4 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off one of the frog's front legs and said, "Jump." The frog jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "3 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off the frog's other front leg and said, "Jump," and the frog jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "2 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off one of the frog's back legs and said, "Jump," and the frog jumped. So the scientist wrote in his notes, "1 leg jump."

Then the scientist cut off the last leg and said, "Jump," and the frog didn't move. So the scientist said it again, but it still didn't move, so in his notes the scientist wrote, "No legs-goes deaf."
 

A cat died in a house. The servant started crying badly.
Master: It is only a cat that has died, why are you crying so much?
Servant: Master, when the cat was there I used to drink the milk and put the blame on it. Now on whom will I put the blame?
 

Down in the south where coconuts grow, an elephant stepped on a mosquito's toe. The mosquito jumped up with tears in his eyes and said, "Excuse me but you're not my size."
 

Tongue Twister: A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk but the stump thunk the skunk stunk!
 

There was a man and he was walking a lion on the side of the street when a policeman came and said, "Sir please don't walk your lion on the side of the street because its very dangerous. Why don't you take him to the zoo?!"
The man agreed with him and took his lion to the zoo.

The next day the policeman saw the man walking his lion again and told him the same thing but the man said, "I already took him to the zoo and he liked it a lot, now I'm going to take him to the movies."
 

One day a big tortoise, a middle sized tortoise and a small tortoise went into a cafe. They ordered three banana splits. While they were waiting they noticed it had begun to rain. "Look at that," said the big tortoise, "we should have brought our umbrella."
"You're right," said the middle tortoise. "Let's send the little one back to get it."
"I'll go," said the little one. "But only if you promise not to eat my banana split."
The big tortoise and the middle tortoise promised.

A few days later the big tortoise said to the middle tortoise, "Come on, let's eat his banana spilt any way."
"All right," said the middle tortoise.
At that moment the little tortoise shouted from the end of the cafe, "You do that and I won't get your umbrella!"
 

Bob: I lost my dog today.
Bill: So put an ad in the paper.
Bob: What good would that do? My dog can't read.
 

There were three pigs and they walked into a restaurant. The waiter said, "What do you want to eat?" The first pig ordered fish and chips the second ordered pizza and the third ordered water.

The waiter came again and said, "What do you want for dessert?" The first pig wanted custard, the second some cake and the third wanted water again. The waiter said, "Why do you always have water?"
The pig replied, "Because one of us has to go wee, wee, wee all the way home!"
 

A woman walks into a bar and sits down next to a guy near a dog. The woman asks, "Does your dog bite?"
The guy replied,"No."
The woman reached down to pet the dog and it bit her. "I thought you said he didn't bite," she yelled.
"That's not my dog," he yelled!
 

Three pigs walked into a restaurant and the waiter asked them what they would like to drink. The first pig wanted Coke, the second Sprite and the third wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter came back to ask for the main course and the first pig wanted salad, the second wanted chicken and the third pig wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter came back and asked for their dessert choices. The first pig wanted cake, the second wanted cupcakes and the third pig wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter was curious and asked the third pig, "Why do you want so much water?"
The third little pig smiled and said, "I'm the little pig that goes, wee, wee, wee all the way home"
 

There were three male dogs, a Golden Retriever, a Lab, and Chihuahua, walking down the street. On their walk, they met a beautiful French Poodle. They all ran up to the poodle. The poodle says to the three dogs, "Since you all want to marry me, whoever can say liver and cheese in a complete sentence will get to marry me."
The Golden Retriever says, "I love liver and cheese."
The poodle replied, "How childish"
The Lab says, "I hate liver and cheese."
"You're hopeless," said the poodle.
The Chihuahua says, "Liver alone, cheese mine."
 

A mother snake bought a gift for her son's birthday. The son was so thrilled he hissed, "Mommy! Help me open it. I'm crawling out of my skin with excitement!"
 

There were two sisters and they had $700 to spend on a bull. So one sister stayed home and looked after the farm while the other went to the auction. The sister brought the bull for $699 so she went to the post office and asked how much it was to send a telegram. It was $1 a word. So she told the man to send the word: Comfortable. (Come-for-the-bull.)
 

One day, Ah Meng asked Siew Lee, "Why do lions eat raw meat?"
Siew Lee said, "Because they are wild animals?"
Ah Meng said, "Wrong! They eat raw meat because they can't cook!"
 

Snake 1: I hope I'm not poisonous.
Snake 2: Why?
Snake 1: Because I just bit my tongue.
 

One day a lady entered a pet shop.
Lady: May I have a rabbit for my daughter?
Storekeeper: Sorry Ma'am, we don't do trades.
 

Two turtles were walking across the road, when suddenly a bright red car came racing around the corner and straight for them, one said to the other, "RUN!"
 

Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said, "Oh, come on, let's eat the sandwiches."
Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!"
 

A first grade teacher was telling her students the story of "Chicken Little." She got to the part when Chicken Little ran up to the Farmer saying, "The sky is falling. The sky is falling." Then the teacher paused and asked the kids what they thought the farmer said. One little girl raised her hand and the teacher called on her. The little girl then said, "I think the farmer said Holy cow, a talking chicken!"
 

There were 3 cats, The first cat said, "Meow."
Second cat said, "Meow."
Third cat said, "Meow, meow."
The first cat said, "Don't change the subject."
 

A man decided to start a chicken farm and brought 24 to get started. A week later he bought another 24 and another 24 the week after that. When his friend asked how his chicken farm was coming along the man replied, "Not one of them has grown yet. I wonder if I'm planting them too deep?"
 

The pillow asks the teddy bear, "Do you want an ice cream sundae?" The bear says, "No thanks, I'm stuffed!"
 

There was a man who bought a camel. The previous owner told him that to make it walk, say "few," to make it run, say "many" and to make it stop say "amen". So one day the man decided to have a practise ride. He said "few" and the camel started walking, he said "many" and it started running, right towards the edge of a cliff. But the man forgot how to make it stop, so, panicking, he shouted out "Lord save me, Lord save me, Amen" and of course the camel stopped - at the VERY edge. Relieved the man said to himself, "Phew, that was clo-aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
 

Peter: Mother, why is a snail stronger than an elephant?
Mother: I don't know.
Peter: Because a snail can carry its own home, but an elephant can only carry its own trunk.
 

A man walked into a pub and bought a sandwich, then a panda walked into the pub and stole the sandwich, ate it, shoots the barman and leaves. So the man goes out and says to the panda, "Why did you eat my sandwich, shoot the barman and then just leave?"
The panda says, "Look panda up in the dictionary."
So he looked Panda up and read: Eats shoots and leaves.
 

There were two cows standing in a field talking to each other. They were talking about Mr. Brown's cows having Mad Cow Disease, when one of the cows said, "It's a good thing we're chickens."
 

A little boy was in a wedding. Every time he walked 2 steps down the aisle, he would roar. When he finally got to the end of the aisle the people asked what he was doing. The little boy said that he was just being the Ring Bear.
 

Mary had a little lamb,
But the lamb started to tease her.
Mary said, "STOP!"
But the lamb refused
So now it's in the freezer.
 

There's this man, he walks up to this lady's door. The lady answers it. The man says, "I'm terribly sorry. I just ran over your cat. I'd like to replace it." Then the woman says. "How good are you at catching mice?"
 

A newspaper reporter submitted a story about the theft of 2,025 pigs.
His editor, struck at the size of the theft, called the farmer to confirm.
"Is it true that you lost two thousand twenty-five pigs?" he asked.
"Yeth," said the farmer.
The editor thanked him, hung up, and changed the phrase to "two sows and 25 pigs."
 


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