Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Animal Jokes

We've got lots of funny Animal jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What do you call a crab that will not share?
A. A selfish. (Shellfish)

Q. Why didn't the squirrel cross the telephone wire?
A. Because the line was busy.

Q. What kind of musical instrument do rats play?
A. Mouse organs.

Q. Why do fish live in salt water?
A. Because pepper water would make them sneeze!

Q. What do dogs have that other animal don't have?
A. Puppies.

Q. One cow is talking to another cow and looks away for 10 seconds and the other cow is gone. Where is the other cow?
A. Over the moon!

Q. What kind of vehicle does a lamb drive?
A. A LAMBorghini!

Q. What did the judge say when the skunk entered the court?
A. "Odor in the court!"

Q. Why did the cow eat the tight rope walker?
A. Because he wanted a balanced meal!

Q. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant?
A. Swimming trunks!

Q. Why did the cow go to Hollywood?
A. She wanted to be a movie star.

Q. Why did the cow pack his bags?
A. Because he was MOOving!

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To get to the other side.

Q. Why did the horse cross the road?
A. To get to the other NEIGH-bourhood.

Q. Where did the boy take his pet pig to?
A. The Ham-usement park!

Q. What do you get when you cross a lamb and a rocket?
A. A space sheep!

Q. What animal carries an umbrella around?
A. A reindeer!

Q. What is a snake's favourite subject?
A. HISStory!

Q. What kind of bats swing upside down?
A. AcroBATS!

Q. How did the dog get splinters in his tongue?
A. He ate table scraps.

Q. Why do elephants have trunks?
A. Because they would look funny with a suitcase.

Q. Why don't they play cards in Africa?
A. There are too many Cheetahs!

Q. There are 5 fish and 2 drown. How many are left?
A. Fish don't drown.

Q. What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
A. One is really heavy. The other is a little lighter.

Q. Why did the hot dog wear a sweater?
A. Because it was a chili dog!

Q. What did the elephant say to her son when he was naughty?
A. "Tusk tusk!"

Q. How do you eat an elephant?
A. One bite at a time.

Q. What did the cat say when he fell off the table?
A. "Me ow!"

Q. What did the frog order at the burger place?
A. French flies and a diet croak.

Q. What do you call a frog that parks in a tow away zone?
A. A TOAD away zone.

Q. What money do dogs and cats have?
A. Kitty cash and doggy dollars.

Q. What is green and hangs off trees?
A. Giraffe snot.

Q. What do you call a dog who wins a race?
A. A weiner.

Q. How does a elephant get out of a tree?
A. He climbs on a leaf and waits till autumn!

Q. Why did the dalmation go to the eye doctor?
A. Because he kept seeing spots.

Q. Where does a cow go when he's bored?
A. To the MOOvies.

Q. Why aren't dogs good dancers?
A. They have two left feet.

Q. What is a dog that sneezes?
A. Achoowawa!

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. What do you call a rabbit with the sniffles?
A. A runny bunny.

Q. What is black and white and red all over?
A. An injured penguin.

Q. What do you get with a kangoroo and a snake?
A. A jump rope.

Q. What 2 animals have the same last name?
A. The donKEY and the monKEY.

Q. What's black and white and can climb trees?
A. A panda.

Q. What do you get when you cross a bird, a car, and a dog?
A. A flying carpet.

Q. How does a rabbit throw a tantrum?
A. He gets hopping mad.

Q. What is the best way to catch a squirrel?
A. Act like a nut.

Q. What animal is good with tools?
A. Hammer-head shark!

Q. What is black and white and red all over?
A. A penguin doing 100 push ups.

Q. What has 6 legs, 4 eyes, 4 ears, 2 noses, 2 mouths and 2 heads?
A. A man sitting on a horse.

Q. What kind of animals do clocks have?
A. Ticks.

Q. Which day is mostly avoided by fish?
A. FRYday!

Q. What time is it when an elephant sits in a chair?
A. Time to buy a new chair!

Q. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A. A dino-snore!

Q. What is black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white and green?
A. Two skunks fighting over a pickle.

Q. How do you hunt for elephants?
A. Hide in a bush and make a noise like a peanut.

Q. There is a horse tied to a rope five yards long. Ten yards away there is hay. The horse is eating the hay, how did he get there?
A. The rope isn't tied to anything.

Q. What did the elephant do when he hurt his toe?
A. He called a tow truck.

Q. What do you get when you cross a moose and a ghost?
A. A cariboo!

Q. Why did the goose cross the road?
A. He didn't want to be called a chicken!

Q. What do beavers like on their salad?
A. Branch dressing.

Q. Why did the monkey cross the road?
A. Because the chicken retired.

Q. Why didn't the dinosaur cross the road?
A. Because roads weren't invented yet!

Q. What cat likes living in water?
A. An octoPUSS!

Q. What's black, white, black, white, black and white?
A. A penguin rolling down a hill.

Q. What does a gorilla say when he is hungry?
A. "Gorilla me a burger."

Q. What do a duck and a tricycle have in common?
A. They both have a steering wheel, except for the duck.

Q. What do you say to Simba when he's moving too slow?
A. Mufasa!

Q. What did the sun say to the sheep and the cloud?
A. "Whoa, are y'all related?"

Q. What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?
A. A submarine with a built-in snorkel.

Q. Where do famous dragons go after they retire?
A. The hall of flame!

Q. Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
A. Because he wanted to see his flat mate!

Q. What is a cow's favourite drink?
A. MOO Juice.

Q. What did the spider do when he went on his computer?
A. He went on his web site!

Q. What kind of shoes do mice like?
A. Squeakers!

Q. Why did the sheep go to the movies?
A. To get some snAAAHks!

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Amos
Amos who?
Amos quito just bit me, boo hoo!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don't know
To get to your house.
---
Knock, knock
Who's there?
The chicken!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
A parrot
A parrot who?
A parrot who?
Okay, now I get it!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Who
Who who?
I didn't know you were an owl!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrup...
Moooooooo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cows go
Cows go who?
No, cows go moo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Twit
Twit who?
Did anyone else hear an owl?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Owls
Owls who?
That's correct, owls who!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Lionel
Lionel who?
Lionel bite you if you don't watch out!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Three pigs
Three pigs who?
Three pigs who can't reach the doorbell.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Some bunny
Some bunny who?
Some bunny has been eating my carrots!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gorilla
Gorilla who?
Gorilla me a hamburger!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dinosaur
Dinosaur who?
Dinosaurs don't go who, they go ROAR!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Monkey
Monkey who?
Monkey see. Monkey do.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dasum
Dasum who?
Dasum cute dog!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cobra
Cobra who?
Go brush your teeth!!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Kanga
Kanga who?
No, Kangaroo!

Jokes

When my brother told me to stop impersonating a flamingo I had to put my foot down.
 

Once there was a scientist doing a test on a frog. He told the frog to jump, so it jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "4 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off one of the frog's front legs and said, "Jump." The frog jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "3 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off the frog's other front leg and said, "Jump," and the frog jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "2 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off one of the frog's back legs and said, "Jump," and the frog jumped. So the scientist wrote in his notes, "1 leg jump."

Then the scientist cut off the last leg and said, "Jump," and the frog didn't move. So the scientist said it again, but it still didn't move, so in his notes the scientist wrote, "No legs-goes deaf."
 

A first grade teacher was telling her students the story of "Chicken Little." She got to the part when Chicken Little ran up to the Farmer saying, "The sky is falling. The sky is falling." Then the teacher paused and asked the kids what they thought the farmer said. One little girl raised her hand and the teacher called on her. The little girl then said, "I think the farmer said Holy cow, a talking chicken!"
 

Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell Crocodile?
Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L.
Teacher: No, that's wrong.
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
 

A man walked into a pub and bought a sandwich, then a panda walked into the pub and stole the sandwich, ate it, shoots the barman and leaves. So the man goes out and says to the panda, "Why did you eat my sandwich, shoot the barman and then just leave?"
The panda says, "Look panda up in the dictionary."
So he looked Panda up and read: Eats shoots and leaves.
 

One day a lady entered a pet shop.
Lady: May I have a rabbit for my daughter?
Storekeeper: Sorry Ma'am, we don't do trades.
 

A guy and his elephant are driving and get pulled over. The policeman says, "You need to take the elephant to the zoo." So the guy took his elephant to the zoo.

The next day, the same policeman pulls over the same guy and elephant. The policeman says, "I told you to take the elephant to the zoo."
The guy says, "I did yesterday, today we are going to a baseball game."
 

A guy named Billie Bob Joe goes to a costume dress party with a girl on his back.

Harold, answering the door: What are you supposed to be?
Billie Bob Joe: A turtle.
Harold: What do you mean?
Billie Bob Joe: The girl on my back is Michelle.
 

There were three pigs and they walked into a restaurant. The waiter said, "What do you want to eat?" The first pig ordered fish and chips the second ordered pizza and the third ordered water.

The waiter came again and said, "What do you want for dessert?" The first pig wanted custard, the second some cake and the third wanted water again. The waiter said, "Why do you always have water?"
The pig replied, "Because one of us has to go wee, wee, wee all the way home!"
 

An elephant asked an ant, "Please hide me." So the ant replied, "Hide behind me."
 

There's this man, he walks up to this lady's door. The lady answers it. The man says, "I'm terribly sorry. I just ran over your cat. I'd like to replace it." Then the woman says. "How good are you at catching mice?"
 

If pigs could fly, imagine what their wings would taste like!
 

Teacher: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Clyde: No, sir. It's the same dog.
 

Two turtles were walking across the road, when suddenly a bright red car came racing around the corner and straight for them, one said to the other, "RUN!"
 

A man decided to start a chicken farm and brought 24 to get started. A week later he bought another 24 and another 24 the week after that. When his friend asked how his chicken farm was coming along the man replied, "Not one of them has grown yet. I wonder if I'm planting them too deep?"
 

Peter: Mother, why is a snail stronger than an elephant?
Mother: I don't know.
Peter: Because a snail can carry its own home, but an elephant can only carry its own trunk.
 

A newspaper reporter submitted a story about the theft of 2,025 pigs.
His editor, struck at the size of the theft, called the farmer to confirm.
"Is it true that you lost two thousand twenty-five pigs?" he asked.
"Yeth," said the farmer.
The editor thanked him, hung up, and changed the phrase to "two sows and 25 pigs."
 

Bob: I lost my dog today.
Bill: So put an ad in the paper.
Bob: What good would that do? My dog can't read.
 

There were 2 cats looking into a green canary's cage. The first cat said to the second cat, "That's not a canary, it's green!"
The second cat said, "I don't know, maybe it's not ripe yet!"
 

One day a duck waddles into a mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no and the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck waddles into the mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no and the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck does the same and once again the clerk says no and adds if you ask me one more time I will nail your webbed feet to the floor. So the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck waddles into the mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any nails?" The clerk says no. "Then got any grapes?"
 

A horse walked into the bar and the bartender said, "Why the long face?"
 

There were three male dogs, a Golden Retriever, a Lab, and Chihuahua, walking down the street. On their walk, they met a beautiful French Poodle. They all ran up to the poodle. The poodle says to the three dogs, "Since you all want to marry me, whoever can say liver and cheese in a complete sentence will get to marry me."
The Golden Retriever says, "I love liver and cheese."
The poodle replied, "How childish"
The Lab says, "I hate liver and cheese."
"You're hopeless," said the poodle.
The Chihuahua says, "Liver alone, cheese mine."
 

One day a big tortoise, a middle sized tortoise and a small tortoise went into a cafe. They ordered three banana splits. While they were waiting they noticed it had begun to rain. "Look at that," said the big tortoise, "we should have brought our umbrella."
"You're right," said the middle tortoise. "Let's send the little one back to get it."
"I'll go," said the little one. "But only if you promise not to eat my banana split."
The big tortoise and the middle tortoise promised.

A few days later the big tortoise said to the middle tortoise, "Come on, let's eat his banana spilt any way."
"All right," said the middle tortoise.
At that moment the little tortoise shouted from the end of the cafe, "You do that and I won't get your umbrella!"
 

There were 3 cats, The first cat said, "Meow."
Second cat said, "Meow."
Third cat said, "Meow, meow."
The first cat said, "Don't change the subject."
 

There were two sisters and they had $700 to spend on a bull. So one sister stayed home and looked after the farm while the other went to the auction. The sister brought the bull for $699 so she went to the post office and asked how much it was to send a telegram. It was $1 a word. So she told the man to send the word: Comfortable. (Come-for-the-bull.)
 

The pillow asks the teddy bear, "Do you want an ice cream sundae?" The bear says, "No thanks, I'm stuffed!"
 

Snake 1: I hope I'm not poisonous.
Snake 2: Why?
Snake 1: Because I just bit my tongue.
 

Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said, "Oh, come on, let's eat the sandwiches."
Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!"
 

LaKesheauna: My dentist put his finger in a lion's mouth to see how many teeth it had.
Latangela: What did the lion do?
LaKesheauna: It closed its mouth to see how many fingers my dentist had.
 

There was a man and he was walking a lion on the side of the street when a policeman came and said, "Sir please don't walk your lion on the side of the street because its very dangerous. Why don't you take him to the zoo?!"
The man agreed with him and took his lion to the zoo.

The next day the policeman saw the man walking his lion again and told him the same thing but the man said, "I already took him to the zoo and he liked it a lot, now I'm going to take him to the movies."
 


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