Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Animal Jokes

We've got lots of funny Animal jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What did the judge say when the skunk entered the court?
A. "Odor in the court!"

Q. Why did the cow pack his bags?
A. Because he was MOOving!

Q. Which day is mostly avoided by fish?
A. FRYday!

Q. What does an alligator drink when it is sick?
A. Gatorade!

Q. What is a porcupine's favourite game?
A. Poker.

Q. What do fish eat for lunch?
A. SANDwiches!

Q. What do you call a pig that gets fired from his job?
A. Canned ham!

Q. Why does a giraffe eat so little?
A. Because they can make a little go a long way.

Q. Why didn't the bunny hop?
A. No bunny knows.

Q. What has 6 eyes but cannot see?
A. Three blind mice.

Q. What's a monkey's favorite snack?
A. Chocolate chimp cookies.

Q. What do you call a dark colored horse that really scares you?
A. A nightMARE!

Q. Why do elephants have wrinkles?
A. Ever tried to iron an elephant?

Q. What do polar bears like to snack on?
A. Eskimo thighs.

Q. What did the pig put on his rash?
A. OINKment!

Q. What do you get when you mix a bear and a skunk?
A. Winnie-The-Phew!

Q. What card game do crocodiles like to play?
A. SNAP!

Q. What are the strongest animals in the ocean?
A. Mussels!

Q. What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left for school?
A. Bison!

Q. Did you hear the one about the fox with no ears?
A. He didn't either.

Q. What animal should you not play cards with?
A. A Cheetah!

Q. What did the cow say to the other cow?
A. "MOOve over!"

Q. Who was the first deer in space?
A. Buck Rogers.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To show the possums how it's done.

Q. Why did the cow want some cheese?
A. Because it's MOOlicious!

Q. What do you call a sleeping bull?
A. A BULL-dozer.

Q. What has the fur of a cat, the whiskers of a cat, ears of a car, a tail of a cat, but is not a cat?
A. A kitten.

Q. Why did the goose cross the road?
A. He didn't want to be called a chicken!

Q. How do you make a swordfish like the library?
A. Take away the S in its name!

Q. What animal has more lives than a cat?
A. A frog because it croaks every night!

Q. What kind of place should you never take a dog?
A. To the Flea Market.

Q. What does a frog eat with his hamburger?
A. French Flies!

Q. What is a cow's favorite ice cream?
A. MOOnila!

Q. Why are duck doctors so expensive?
A. Because of their bills.

Q. What animal sleeps with its shoes on?
A. A horse.

Q. What dog loves to take a shower?
A. A shamPOODLE.

Q. Why did the cow eat the tight rope walker?
A. Because he wanted a balanced meal!

Q. What did the porcupine say to the cactus?
A. "Are you my mommy?"

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. Why couldn't the elephant move?
A. Because he couldn't lift his trunk!

Q. How do you know clams are lazy?
A. They are always in their beds.

Q. Why was the walrus late for the party?
A. His iceberg ran into a ship!

Q. What is a cow's favourite movie?
A. Moo-lan.

Q. How can you tell the difference between a grape and an elephant?
A. Grapes are purple.

Q. What is black and white and red all over?
A. A penguin doing 100 push ups.

Q. What kind of musical instrument do rats play?
A. Mouse organs.

Q. What do you get when you cross a monkey and a pansy?
A. A chimpansy.

Q. Why is a snake lucky?
A. Because you can't pull its leg!

Q. How does a elephant get out of a tree?
A. He climbs on a leaf and waits till autumn!

Q. Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
A. Because he wanted to see his flat mate!

Q. What does a toad say when it sees something great?
A. "TOADaly Awesome!"

Q. What do you need if you see a kangaroo 20 miles away?
A. I don't know, but you sure don't need glasses.

Q. What planet is full of cows?
A. The MOOn!

Q. What do you get if you cross a porcupine and a giraffe?
A. A seven metre long toothbrush!

Q. If the chicken crossed the road to get to the other side, how did the frog cross the road?
A. He tied himself to the chicken.

Q. What goes down but never goes up?
A. An elephant in an elevator.

Q. I am found on land and in the sea but I don't walk or swim. I travel by foot but I'm toeless. No matter where I go I'm never far from home. Who am I?
A. A snail.

Q. How do you get 6 donkeys into a fire engine?
A. Two in the front, two in the back and two on the top going, "He-haw, he-haw!"

Q. Why do birds fly south in the winter?
A. Because it's too far to walk!

Q. How did the dog get splinters in his tongue?
A. He ate table scraps.

Q. What has two heads, one tail and six legs?
A. A man on a horse.

Q. What bird can write?
A. PENguin!

Q. What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an elephant?
A. Great big holes all over Australia.

Q. Why do elephants have trunks?
A. Because they would look funny with a suitcase.

Q. What do you get if you cross a cow with a smurf?
A. Blue cheese!

Q. What do you call a cat that eats lemons?
A. A sourpuss.

Q. If a very small fish married a young dog, what would their baby be called?
A. A guppy puppy.

Q. What is big, grey and has a lot of red bumps?
A. An elephant that was stung by a lot of bees!

Q. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A. A dino-snore!

Q. What do mice feel like when they come out of the shower?
A. Squeaky clean!

Q. What is grey, has a tail and a trunk?
A. A mouse going on a vacation.

Q. When was meat so high?
A. When the cow jumped over the moon!

Q. What did the sun say to the sheep and the cloud?
A. "Whoa, are y'all related?"

Q. Why didn't the squirrel cross the telephone wire?
A. Because the line was busy.

Q. What do beavers like on their salad?
A. Branch dressing.

Q. Where does a penguin go to visit his aunt?
A. ANT-arctica!

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Amos
Amos who?
Amos quito just bit me, boo hoo!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don't know
To get to your house.
---
Knock, knock
Who's there?
The chicken!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
A parrot
A parrot who?
A parrot who?
Okay, now I get it!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Who
Who who?
I didn't know you were an owl!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrup...
Moooooooo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cows go
Cows go who?
No, cows go moo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Twit
Twit who?
Did anyone else hear an owl?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Owls
Owls who?
That's correct, owls who!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Lionel
Lionel who?
Lionel bite you if you don't watch out!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Three pigs
Three pigs who?
Three pigs who can't reach the doorbell.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Some bunny
Some bunny who?
Some bunny has been eating my carrots!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gorilla
Gorilla who?
Gorilla me a hamburger!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dinosaur
Dinosaur who?
Dinosaurs don't go who, they go ROAR!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Monkey
Monkey who?
Monkey see. Monkey do.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dasum
Dasum who?
Dasum cute dog!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cobra
Cobra who?
Go brush your teeth!!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Kanga
Kanga who?
No, Kangaroo!

Jokes

One day a duck waddles into a mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no and the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck waddles into the mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no and the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck does the same and once again the clerk says no and adds if you ask me one more time I will nail your webbed feet to the floor. So the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck waddles into the mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any nails?" The clerk says no. "Then got any grapes?"
 

There was a man and he was walking a lion on the side of the street when a policeman came and said, "Sir please don't walk your lion on the side of the street because its very dangerous. Why don't you take him to the zoo?!"
The man agreed with him and took his lion to the zoo.

The next day the policeman saw the man walking his lion again and told him the same thing but the man said, "I already took him to the zoo and he liked it a lot, now I'm going to take him to the movies."
 

A first grade teacher was telling her students the story of "Chicken Little." She got to the part when Chicken Little ran up to the Farmer saying, "The sky is falling. The sky is falling." Then the teacher paused and asked the kids what they thought the farmer said. One little girl raised her hand and the teacher called on her. The little girl then said, "I think the farmer said Holy cow, a talking chicken!"
 

There were three male dogs, a Golden Retriever, a Lab, and Chihuahua, walking down the street. On their walk, they met a beautiful French Poodle. They all ran up to the poodle. The poodle says to the three dogs, "Since you all want to marry me, whoever can say liver and cheese in a complete sentence will get to marry me."
The Golden Retriever says, "I love liver and cheese."
The poodle replied, "How childish"
The Lab says, "I hate liver and cheese."
"You're hopeless," said the poodle.
The Chihuahua says, "Liver alone, cheese mine."
 

There's this man, he walks up to this lady's door. The lady answers it. The man says, "I'm terribly sorry. I just ran over your cat. I'd like to replace it." Then the woman says. "How good are you at catching mice?"
 

A man decided to start a chicken farm and brought 24 to get started. A week later he bought another 24 and another 24 the week after that. When his friend asked how his chicken farm was coming along the man replied, "Not one of them has grown yet. I wonder if I'm planting them too deep?"
 

One day a big tortoise, a middle sized tortoise and a small tortoise went into a cafe. They ordered three banana splits. While they were waiting they noticed it had begun to rain. "Look at that," said the big tortoise, "we should have brought our umbrella."
"You're right," said the middle tortoise. "Let's send the little one back to get it."
"I'll go," said the little one. "But only if you promise not to eat my banana split."
The big tortoise and the middle tortoise promised.

A few days later the big tortoise said to the middle tortoise, "Come on, let's eat his banana spilt any way."
"All right," said the middle tortoise.
At that moment the little tortoise shouted from the end of the cafe, "You do that and I won't get your umbrella!"
 

Bob: I lost my dog today.
Bill: So put an ad in the paper.
Bob: What good would that do? My dog can't read.
 

A mother snake bought a gift for her son's birthday. The son was so thrilled he hissed, "Mommy! Help me open it. I'm crawling out of my skin with excitement!"
 

There was a man who bought a camel. The previous owner told him that to make it walk, say "few," to make it run, say "many" and to make it stop say "amen". So one day the man decided to have a practise ride. He said "few" and the camel started walking, he said "many" and it started running, right towards the edge of a cliff. But the man forgot how to make it stop, so, panicking, he shouted out "Lord save me, Lord save me, Amen" and of course the camel stopped - at the VERY edge. Relieved the man said to himself, "Phew, that was clo-aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
 

Down in the south where coconuts grow, an elephant stepped on a mosquito's toe. The mosquito jumped up with tears in his eyes and said, "Excuse me but you're not my size."
 

A cat died in a house. The servant started crying badly.
Master: It is only a cat that has died, why are you crying so much?
Servant: Master, when the cat was there I used to drink the milk and put the blame on it. Now on whom will I put the blame?
 

Three pigs walked into a restaurant and the waiter asked them what they would like to drink. The first pig wanted Coke, the second Sprite and the third wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter came back to ask for the main course and the first pig wanted salad, the second wanted chicken and the third pig wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter came back and asked for their dessert choices. The first pig wanted cake, the second wanted cupcakes and the third pig wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter was curious and asked the third pig, "Why do you want so much water?"
The third little pig smiled and said, "I'm the little pig that goes, wee, wee, wee all the way home"
 

Snake 1: I hope I'm not poisonous.
Snake 2: Why?
Snake 1: Because I just bit my tongue.
 

There were two sisters and they had $700 to spend on a bull. So one sister stayed home and looked after the farm while the other went to the auction. The sister brought the bull for $699 so she went to the post office and asked how much it was to send a telegram. It was $1 a word. So she told the man to send the word: Comfortable. (Come-for-the-bull.)
 

The pillow asks the teddy bear, "Do you want an ice cream sundae?" The bear says, "No thanks, I'm stuffed!"
 

Tongue Twister: A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk but the stump thunk the skunk stunk!
 

A little boy was in a wedding. Every time he walked 2 steps down the aisle, he would roar. When he finally got to the end of the aisle the people asked what he was doing. The little boy said that he was just being the Ring Bear.
 

A horse walked into the bar and the bartender said, "Why the long face?"
 

A guy and his elephant are driving and get pulled over. The policeman says, "You need to take the elephant to the zoo." So the guy took his elephant to the zoo.

The next day, the same policeman pulls over the same guy and elephant. The policeman says, "I told you to take the elephant to the zoo."
The guy says, "I did yesterday, today we are going to a baseball game."
 

A newspaper reporter submitted a story about the theft of 2,025 pigs.
His editor, struck at the size of the theft, called the farmer to confirm.
"Is it true that you lost two thousand twenty-five pigs?" he asked.
"Yeth," said the farmer.
The editor thanked him, hung up, and changed the phrase to "two sows and 25 pigs."
 

Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell Crocodile?
Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L.
Teacher: No, that's wrong.
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
 

Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said, "Oh, come on, let's eat the sandwiches."
Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!"
 

One day a lady entered a pet shop.
Lady: May I have a rabbit for my daughter?
Storekeeper: Sorry Ma'am, we don't do trades.
 

A woman walks into a bar and sits down next to a guy near a dog. The woman asks, "Does your dog bite?"
The guy replied,"No."
The woman reached down to pet the dog and it bit her. "I thought you said he didn't bite," she yelled.
"That's not my dog," he yelled!
 

There were 3 cats, The first cat said, "Meow."
Second cat said, "Meow."
Third cat said, "Meow, meow."
The first cat said, "Don't change the subject."
 

Mary had a little lamb,
But the lamb started to tease her.
Mary said, "STOP!"
But the lamb refused
So now it's in the freezer.
 

A man walked into a pub and bought a sandwich, then a panda walked into the pub and stole the sandwich, ate it, shoots the barman and leaves. So the man goes out and says to the panda, "Why did you eat my sandwich, shoot the barman and then just leave?"
The panda says, "Look panda up in the dictionary."
So he looked Panda up and read: Eats shoots and leaves.
 

"Ggggggggggggggggggggggggggg," said the frog.
"You've got a frog in your throat," said the other frog.
 

There were three pigs and they walked into a restaurant. The waiter said, "What do you want to eat?" The first pig ordered fish and chips the second ordered pizza and the third ordered water.

The waiter came again and said, "What do you want for dessert?" The first pig wanted custard, the second some cake and the third wanted water again. The waiter said, "Why do you always have water?"
The pig replied, "Because one of us has to go wee, wee, wee all the way home!"
 


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