Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Animal Jokes

We've got lots of funny Animal jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What money do dogs and cats have?
A. Kitty cash and doggy dollars.

Q. How do you spell mousetrap with ONLY three letters?
A. C-A-T!

Q. How do you get 6 donkeys into a fire engine?
A. Two in the front, two in the back and two on the top going, "He-haw, he-haw!"

Q. What does a chicken have in common with a band?
A. Drumsticks.

Q. What do dogs have that other animal don't have?
A. Puppies.

Q. Say milk five times really fast. Now, what do cows drink?
A. Water.

Q. Where does a penguin go to visit his aunt?
A. ANT-arctica!

Q. What kind of horses have 6 legs?
A. The ones that are being ridden!

Q. What do you call a reptile that sings?
A. A RAPtile!

Q. What is black and white and red all over?
A. An injured penguin.

Q. What is grey, has a tail and a trunk?
A. A mouse going on a vacation.

Q. What kind of place should you never take a dog?
A. To the Flea Market.

Q. What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A. What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?

Q. What do you call it when a dinosaur crashes his car?
A. A Tyrannosaurus WRECK!

Q. What does a polar bear use to keep his head warm?
A. A polar ice cap.

Q. What do you get if you cross a cow with a smurf?
A. Blue cheese!

Q. What did the snail say when he was riding on the back of a turtle?
A. "Weeeee!"

Q. Why did the gum cross the road?
A. It was stuck to the chicken's foot.

Q. How does a elephant get out of a tree?
A. He climbs on a leaf and waits till autumn!

Q. What do you call a pig that does karate?
A. Pork Chop!

Q. Where do fish keep their money?
A. In the riverbank.

Q. What's an angry bull's favourite drink?
A. Red Bull.

Q. What do cows say at Christmas?
A. MOOey Christmas!

Q. Why do elephants have trunks?
A. Because they would look funny with a suitcase.

Q. What did the spider do when he went on his computer?
A. He went on his web site!

Q. Why does a Koala carry its baby on its back?
A. Because they can't push a pram up a tree!

Q. What do you get when you cross a bird, a car, and a dog?
A. A flying carpet.

Q. What has two heads, one tail and six legs?
A. A man on a horse.

Q. What did the fish say to the octopus while the octopus was eating?
A. Lend me a tentacle or 8.

Q. What do you call a deer that makes money?
A. A buck!

Q. What are the strongest animals in the ocean?
A. Mussels!

Q. How do you make a cow float?
A. Root beer, ice cream, a cherry, and a cow.

Q. What do frogs drink?
A. Croak-a-cola.

Q. If there was a spelling test, which animal would win?
A. The bee!

Q. What 2 animals have the same last name?
A. The donKEY and the monKEY.

Q. What is green and hangs off trees?
A. Giraffe snot.

Q. How did the sheep get red cheeks?
A. It was MAAHD!

Q. What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A. A cloud!

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. What three animals have keys?
A. Donkeys, monkeys, and turkeys!

Q. Where is the best place to leave a dog when you go to a ball game?
A. In the barking lot.

Q. Why do gorillas have broad fingers?
A. Because they have large nostrils.

Q. What keys can make you laugh?
A. Monkeys!

Q. What do you give a frog at a hospital?
A. A HOPeration!

Q. What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
A. One is really heavy. The other is a little lighter.

Q. Why did the horse cross the road?
A. To get to the other NEIGH-bourhood.

Q. Why did the cow eat the tight rope walker?
A. Because he wanted a balanced meal!

Q. Why did the turtle cross the street?
A. To get to the Shell station.

Q. What do you call a polar bear in the desert?
A. Lost.

Q. What road does a bat take?
A. The high road!

Q. What do you get when you cross an octagon with a cat?
A. An octopus.

Q. What do you call a bear with no ears?
A. B.

Q. What do you get when you mix a bear and a skunk?
A. Winnie-The-Phew!

Q. There are 10 cats in a boat. One cat jumped out of the boat. How many cats were left?
A. None, they were all copycats.

Q. What is a cow's favorite ice cream?
A. MOOnila!

Q. What's a monkey's favorite snack?
A. Chocolate chimp cookies.

Q. What does a frog eat with his hamburger?
A. French Flies!

Q. Why did the leopard refuse to take a bath?
A. It didn't want to come out spotless.

Q. What kind of vehicle does a lamb drive?
A. A LAMBorghini!

Q. Where do cows stay when they go on vacation?
A. MOO-tels!

Q. What did the dragon say after laying 50 eggs?
A. "I'm EGGShausted!"

Q. What's big, grey and has red spots?
A. An elephant with chicken pox!

Q. Why is a snake lucky?
A. Because you can't pull its leg!

Q. What goes down but never goes up?
A. An elephant in an elevator.

Q. How do you get fat free milk?
A. From a skinny cow!

Q. What card game do crocodiles like to play?
A. SNAP!

Q. How does a rabbit throw a tantrum?
A. He gets hopping mad.

Q. What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?
A. A submarine with a built-in snorkel.

Q. Why did the goose cross the road?
A. He didn't want to be called a chicken!

Q. What kind of monkey can fly?
A. A hot air BABOON!

Q. What animal has a crown on its head?
A. A rooster.

Q. Why do elephants have wrinkles?
A. Ever tried to iron an elephant?

Q. Why do cats always go after mice and birds?
A. Because cats like fast food.

Q. What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an elephant?
A. Great big holes all over Australia.

Q. Why did the elephant paint his fingernails red?
A. So he could hide in a bowl of cherries.

Q. What are a shark's favorite games?
A. Swallow the Leader and Go Fish!

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Amos
Amos who?
Amos quito just bit me, boo hoo!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don't know
To get to your house.
---
Knock, knock
Who's there?
The chicken!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
A parrot
A parrot who?
A parrot who?
Okay, now I get it!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Who
Who who?
I didn't know you were an owl!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrup...
Moooooooo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cows go
Cows go who?
No, cows go moo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Twit
Twit who?
Did anyone else hear an owl?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Owls
Owls who?
That's correct, owls who!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Lionel
Lionel who?
Lionel bite you if you don't watch out!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Three pigs
Three pigs who?
Three pigs who can't reach the doorbell.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Some bunny
Some bunny who?
Some bunny has been eating my carrots!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gorilla
Gorilla who?
Gorilla me a hamburger!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dinosaur
Dinosaur who?
Dinosaurs don't go who, they go ROAR!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Monkey
Monkey who?
Monkey see. Monkey do.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dasum
Dasum who?
Dasum cute dog!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cobra
Cobra who?
Go brush your teeth!!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Kanga
Kanga who?
No, Kangaroo!

Jokes

If pigs could fly, imagine what their wings would taste like!
 

Tongue Twister: A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk but the stump thunk the skunk stunk!
 

There was a man who bought a camel. The previous owner told him that to make it walk, say "few," to make it run, say "many" and to make it stop say "amen". So one day the man decided to have a practise ride. He said "few" and the camel started walking, he said "many" and it started running, right towards the edge of a cliff. But the man forgot how to make it stop, so, panicking, he shouted out "Lord save me, Lord save me, Amen" and of course the camel stopped - at the VERY edge. Relieved the man said to himself, "Phew, that was clo-aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
 

Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said, "Oh, come on, let's eat the sandwiches."
Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!"
 

A man decided to start a chicken farm and brought 24 to get started. A week later he bought another 24 and another 24 the week after that. When his friend asked how his chicken farm was coming along the man replied, "Not one of them has grown yet. I wonder if I'm planting them too deep?"
 

Once there was a scientist doing a test on a frog. He told the frog to jump, so it jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "4 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off one of the frog's front legs and said, "Jump." The frog jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "3 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off the frog's other front leg and said, "Jump," and the frog jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "2 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off one of the frog's back legs and said, "Jump," and the frog jumped. So the scientist wrote in his notes, "1 leg jump."

Then the scientist cut off the last leg and said, "Jump," and the frog didn't move. So the scientist said it again, but it still didn't move, so in his notes the scientist wrote, "No legs-goes deaf."
 

One day, Ah Meng asked Siew Lee, "Why do lions eat raw meat?"
Siew Lee said, "Because they are wild animals?"
Ah Meng said, "Wrong! They eat raw meat because they can't cook!"
 

Down in the south where coconuts grow, an elephant stepped on a mosquito's toe. The mosquito jumped up with tears in his eyes and said, "Excuse me but you're not my size."
 

A guy named Billie Bob Joe goes to a costume dress party with a girl on his back.

Harold, answering the door: What are you supposed to be?
Billie Bob Joe: A turtle.
Harold: What do you mean?
Billie Bob Joe: The girl on my back is Michelle.
 

The pillow asks the teddy bear, "Do you want an ice cream sundae?" The bear says, "No thanks, I'm stuffed!"
 

There were 3 cats, The first cat said, "Meow."
Second cat said, "Meow."
Third cat said, "Meow, meow."
The first cat said, "Don't change the subject."
 

LaKesheauna: My dentist put his finger in a lion's mouth to see how many teeth it had.
Latangela: What did the lion do?
LaKesheauna: It closed its mouth to see how many fingers my dentist had.
 

A cat died in a house. The servant started crying badly.
Master: It is only a cat that has died, why are you crying so much?
Servant: Master, when the cat was there I used to drink the milk and put the blame on it. Now on whom will I put the blame?
 

"Ggggggggggggggggggggggggggg," said the frog.
"You've got a frog in your throat," said the other frog.
 

There was a man and he was walking a lion on the side of the street when a policeman came and said, "Sir please don't walk your lion on the side of the street because its very dangerous. Why don't you take him to the zoo?!"
The man agreed with him and took his lion to the zoo.

The next day the policeman saw the man walking his lion again and told him the same thing but the man said, "I already took him to the zoo and he liked it a lot, now I'm going to take him to the movies."
 

Peter: Mother, why is a snail stronger than an elephant?
Mother: I don't know.
Peter: Because a snail can carry its own home, but an elephant can only carry its own trunk.
 

One day a big tortoise, a middle sized tortoise and a small tortoise went into a cafe. They ordered three banana splits. While they were waiting they noticed it had begun to rain. "Look at that," said the big tortoise, "we should have brought our umbrella."
"You're right," said the middle tortoise. "Let's send the little one back to get it."
"I'll go," said the little one. "But only if you promise not to eat my banana split."
The big tortoise and the middle tortoise promised.

A few days later the big tortoise said to the middle tortoise, "Come on, let's eat his banana spilt any way."
"All right," said the middle tortoise.
At that moment the little tortoise shouted from the end of the cafe, "You do that and I won't get your umbrella!"
 

Two turtles were walking across the road, when suddenly a bright red car came racing around the corner and straight for them, one said to the other, "RUN!"
 

There's this man, he walks up to this lady's door. The lady answers it. The man says, "I'm terribly sorry. I just ran over your cat. I'd like to replace it." Then the woman says. "How good are you at catching mice?"
 

A horse walked into the bar and the bartender said, "Why the long face?"
 

One day a duck waddles into a mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no and the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck waddles into the mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no and the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck does the same and once again the clerk says no and adds if you ask me one more time I will nail your webbed feet to the floor. So the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck waddles into the mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any nails?" The clerk says no. "Then got any grapes?"
 

Bob: I lost my dog today.
Bill: So put an ad in the paper.
Bob: What good would that do? My dog can't read.
 

One day a lady entered a pet shop.
Lady: May I have a rabbit for my daughter?
Storekeeper: Sorry Ma'am, we don't do trades.
 

Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell Crocodile?
Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L.
Teacher: No, that's wrong.
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
 

A man walked into a pub and bought a sandwich, then a panda walked into the pub and stole the sandwich, ate it, shoots the barman and leaves. So the man goes out and says to the panda, "Why did you eat my sandwich, shoot the barman and then just leave?"
The panda says, "Look panda up in the dictionary."
So he looked Panda up and read: Eats shoots and leaves.
 

Policeman: One of your elephants has been seen chasing a man on a bicycle.
Zoo keeper: Nonsense, none of my elephants know how to ride a bicycle.
 

A first grade teacher was telling her students the story of "Chicken Little." She got to the part when Chicken Little ran up to the Farmer saying, "The sky is falling. The sky is falling." Then the teacher paused and asked the kids what they thought the farmer said. One little girl raised her hand and the teacher called on her. The little girl then said, "I think the farmer said Holy cow, a talking chicken!"
 

There were two sisters and they had $700 to spend on a bull. So one sister stayed home and looked after the farm while the other went to the auction. The sister brought the bull for $699 so she went to the post office and asked how much it was to send a telegram. It was $1 a word. So she told the man to send the word: Comfortable. (Come-for-the-bull.)
 

Three pigs walked into a restaurant and the waiter asked them what they would like to drink. The first pig wanted Coke, the second Sprite and the third wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter came back to ask for the main course and the first pig wanted salad, the second wanted chicken and the third pig wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter came back and asked for their dessert choices. The first pig wanted cake, the second wanted cupcakes and the third pig wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter was curious and asked the third pig, "Why do you want so much water?"
The third little pig smiled and said, "I'm the little pig that goes, wee, wee, wee all the way home"
 

There were three male dogs, a Golden Retriever, a Lab, and Chihuahua, walking down the street. On their walk, they met a beautiful French Poodle. They all ran up to the poodle. The poodle says to the three dogs, "Since you all want to marry me, whoever can say liver and cheese in a complete sentence will get to marry me."
The Golden Retriever says, "I love liver and cheese."
The poodle replied, "How childish"
The Lab says, "I hate liver and cheese."
"You're hopeless," said the poodle.
The Chihuahua says, "Liver alone, cheese mine."
 


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