Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Animal Jokes

We've got lots of funny Animal jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What do you call a cow who learns how to belly dance?
A. A milkshake!

Q. What do you call a pig that does karate?
A. Pork Chop!

Q. What do you call a cow with no legs?
A. Ground beef.

Q. Why is an elephant big, grey and wrinkly?
A. Because if it was small, white and smooth it would be an aspirin!

Q. What is the best way to catch a squirrel?
A. Act like a nut.

Q. What 2 animals have the same last name?
A. The donKEY and the monKEY.

Q. What's a cow's favourite drink?
A. LeMOOnade.

Q. Why don't you see penguins in Britian?
A. They're afraid of Wales!

Q. What did the monkey sing on Christmas day?
A. Jungle bells, Jungle bells...

Q. What has 6 legs, 4 eyes, 4 ears, 2 noses, 2 mouths and 2 heads?
A. A man sitting on a horse.

Q. Why did the sheep go to the movies?
A. To get some snAAAHks!

Q. What kind of dog can jump higher than a skyscraper?
A. Any dog, skyscrapers can't jump.

Q. What's black, white, black, white, black and white?
A. A penguin rolling down a hill.

Q. What goes BOUNCE! OUCH! BOUNCE! OUCH! BOUNCE! OUCH?
A. A kangaroo in a room with a low ceiling!

Q. Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A. Yes, because the Empire State Building can't jump!

Q. What is white on the outside, green on the inside and hops?
A. A frog sandwich.

Q. A rabbit hops by IHOP. He looks at the sign. What does he say?
A. "Big deal, so do I."

Q. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A. A dino-snore!

Q. What happened to the frog's car when it got stuck?
A. It had to get TOAD away.

Q. What do you need if you see a kangaroo 20 miles away?
A. I don't know, but you sure don't need glasses.

Q. What's black and white and red all over?
A. A sunburned zebra!

Q. Why did the dog stay out of the sun?
A. So he wouldn't be a hotdog.

Q. How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?
A. You open the door and put the elephant in and then close the door.

Q. How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?
A. You open the door and put the elephant in and then close the door.

Q. How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?
A. You open the door and put the elephant in and then close the door.

Q. How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?
A. You open the door and put the elephant in and then close the door.

Q. Why do ducks have webbed feet?
A. To stomp out forest fires.

Q. Why do ducks have webbed feet?
A. To stomp out forest fires.

Q. What do a tree and an elephant have in common?
A. A trunk.

Q. What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
A. Bacon and legs!

Q. What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
A. One is really heavy. The other is a little lighter.

Q. What animal is NOT allowed to play in games or contests?
A. Cheetahs (cheaters)

Q. There are 2 cats, one is French and the other English. The French cat's name was Un Deux Trois and the English cat's name was One Two Three. Both cats think they're better than the other. To determine this they have a swimming contest. Which cat wins and why?
A. The English cat, because Un Deux Trois Quatre Cinq! (Un Deux Trois cat sank)

Q. What is the difference between a cat that got photocopied and a cat that follows you?
A. One is a cat copy, the other is a copy cat.

Q. Why did the snake get a detention?
A. Because he was HISSpering!

Q. Sam, Lula, Mike, and Kayla all live in a house. Mike and Kayla went out to the movies and when they got back Lula was on the floor dead in a pile of broken glass and water. Sam was on the couch sleeping and didn't know what happened. How did Lula die?
A. Sam is a dog and Lula is a fish. Sam pushed over the fish bowl.

Q. What is green and hangs off trees?
A. Giraffe snot.

Q. How can you tell the difference between a grape and an elephant?
A. Grapes are purple.

Q. What do you get when you cross a hammock and a dog?
A. A rocker spaniel.

Q. What is a pampered cow?
A. Spoiled milk.

Q. How do you stop a mouse from squealing?
A. Oil it.

Q. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A. An investiGATOR!

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. What do frogs drink?
A. Croak-a-cola.

Q. What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an elephant?
A. Great big holes all over Australia.

Q. What road does a bat take?
A. The high road!

Q. There are 5 fish and 2 drown. How many are left?
A. Fish don't drown.

Q. How does a elephant get out of a tree?
A. He climbs on a leaf and waits till autumn!

Q. How do you get fat free milk?
A. From a skinny cow!

Q. How do you make a cow float?
A. Root beer, ice cream, a cherry, and a cow.

Q. Why didn't the squirrel cross the telephone wire?
A. Because the line was busy.

Q. What do you call a cow with a twitch?
A. Beef jerky.

Q. What do you call a sleeping bull?
A. A BULL-dozer.

Q. What does the lion say to his friends before a hunt?
A. "Let us prey."

Q. What kind of bird uses ink to write?
A. A PEN-guin!

Q. What do you call a bear with no ears?
A. B.

Q. Why do elephants have trunks?
A. They'd look pretty stupid with glove compartments.

Q. What do you get when you cross a sheep and a kangaroo?
A. A woolly jumper!

Q. What's the biggest type of moth?
A. A mammoth.

Q. What is the difference between a piano and a fish?
A. You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish!

Q. What did the joey say to the turtle?
A. "I can take my home with me too."

Q. Where won't you find a dog shopping?
A. At the flea market!

Q. What is black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white and green?
A. Two skunks fighting over a pickle.

Q. Why did the cow want some cheese?
A. Because it's MOOlicious!

Q. If there was a spelling test, which animal would win?
A. The bee!

Q. What do you call a tiny rodent?
A. Mini mouse.

Q. What are the strongest animals in the ocean?
A. Mussels!

Q. What did the pig put on his rash?
A. OINKment!

Q. What kind of vehicle does a lamb drive?
A. A LAMBorghini!

Q. What do mice feel like when they come out of the shower?
A. Squeaky clean!

Q. How do you fit four elephants in a red mini?
A. Two in the front and two in the back.

Q. How do you fit four elephants in a red mini?
A. Two in the front and two in the back.

Q. How do you fit four elephants in a red mini?
A. Two in the front and two in the back.

Q. How do you fit four elephants in a red mini?
A. Two in the front and two in the back.

Q. How do you fit four elephants in a red mini?
A. Two in the front and two in the back.

Q. What did the dragon say after laying 50 eggs?
A. "I'm EGGShausted!"

Q. What is a cow's favourite drink?
A. MOO Juice.

Q. How did the dog get splinters in his tongue?
A. He ate table scraps.

Q. Why don't they play cards in Africa?
A. There are too many Cheetahs!

Q. What do you call a kangaroo that sneezes alot?
A. A kanga-choo.

Q. Why don't penguins live in Britain?
A. Because they're scared of Wales!

Q. What has the fur of a cat, the whiskers of a cat, ears of a car, a tail of a cat, but is not a cat?
A. A kitten.

Q. How do you make a swordfish like the library?
A. Take away the S in its name!

Q. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A. A gummy bear.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Amos
Amos who?
Amos quito just bit me, boo hoo!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don't know
To get to your house.
---
Knock, knock
Who's there?
The chicken!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
A parrot
A parrot who?
A parrot who?
Okay, now I get it!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Who
Who who?
I didn't know you were an owl!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrup...
Moooooooo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cows go
Cows go who?
No, cows go moo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Twit
Twit who?
Did anyone else hear an owl?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Owls
Owls who?
That's correct, owls who!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Lionel
Lionel who?
Lionel bite you if you don't watch out!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Three pigs
Three pigs who?
Three pigs who can't reach the doorbell.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Some bunny
Some bunny who?
Some bunny has been eating my carrots!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gorilla
Gorilla who?
Gorilla me a hamburger!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dinosaur
Dinosaur who?
Dinosaurs don't go who, they go ROAR!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Monkey
Monkey who?
Monkey see. Monkey do.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dasum
Dasum who?
Dasum cute dog!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cobra
Cobra who?
Go brush your teeth!!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Kanga
Kanga who?
No, Kangaroo!

Jokes

There were 2 cats looking into a green canary's cage. The first cat said to the second cat, "That's not a canary, it's green!"
The second cat said, "I don't know, maybe it's not ripe yet!"
 

The pillow asks the teddy bear, "Do you want an ice cream sundae?" The bear says, "No thanks, I'm stuffed!"
 

Down in the south where coconuts grow, an elephant stepped on a mosquito's toe. The mosquito jumped up with tears in his eyes and said, "Excuse me but you're not my size."
 

There was a man and he was walking a lion on the side of the street when a policeman came and said, "Sir please don't walk your lion on the side of the street because its very dangerous. Why don't you take him to the zoo?!"
The man agreed with him and took his lion to the zoo.

The next day the policeman saw the man walking his lion again and told him the same thing but the man said, "I already took him to the zoo and he liked it a lot, now I'm going to take him to the movies."
 

If pigs could fly, imagine what their wings would taste like!
 

Once there was a scientist doing a test on a frog. He told the frog to jump, so it jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "4 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off one of the frog's front legs and said, "Jump." The frog jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "3 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off the frog's other front leg and said, "Jump," and the frog jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "2 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off one of the frog's back legs and said, "Jump," and the frog jumped. So the scientist wrote in his notes, "1 leg jump."

Then the scientist cut off the last leg and said, "Jump," and the frog didn't move. So the scientist said it again, but it still didn't move, so in his notes the scientist wrote, "No legs-goes deaf."
 

There was a man who bought a camel. The previous owner told him that to make it walk, say "few," to make it run, say "many" and to make it stop say "amen". So one day the man decided to have a practise ride. He said "few" and the camel started walking, he said "many" and it started running, right towards the edge of a cliff. But the man forgot how to make it stop, so, panicking, he shouted out "Lord save me, Lord save me, Amen" and of course the camel stopped - at the VERY edge. Relieved the man said to himself, "Phew, that was clo-aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
 

Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said, "Oh, come on, let's eat the sandwiches."
Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!"
 

A guy and his elephant are driving and get pulled over. The policeman says, "You need to take the elephant to the zoo." So the guy took his elephant to the zoo.

The next day, the same policeman pulls over the same guy and elephant. The policeman says, "I told you to take the elephant to the zoo."
The guy says, "I did yesterday, today we are going to a baseball game."
 

A mother snake bought a gift for her son's birthday. The son was so thrilled he hissed, "Mommy! Help me open it. I'm crawling out of my skin with excitement!"
 

There were two cows standing in a field talking to each other. They were talking about Mr. Brown's cows having Mad Cow Disease, when one of the cows said, "It's a good thing we're chickens."
 

There were 3 cats, The first cat said, "Meow."
Second cat said, "Meow."
Third cat said, "Meow, meow."
The first cat said, "Don't change the subject."
 

Snake 1: I hope I'm not poisonous.
Snake 2: Why?
Snake 1: Because I just bit my tongue.
 

Bob: I lost my dog today.
Bill: So put an ad in the paper.
Bob: What good would that do? My dog can't read.
 

A man decided to start a chicken farm and brought 24 to get started. A week later he bought another 24 and another 24 the week after that. When his friend asked how his chicken farm was coming along the man replied, "Not one of them has grown yet. I wonder if I'm planting them too deep?"
 

A first grade teacher was telling her students the story of "Chicken Little." She got to the part when Chicken Little ran up to the Farmer saying, "The sky is falling. The sky is falling." Then the teacher paused and asked the kids what they thought the farmer said. One little girl raised her hand and the teacher called on her. The little girl then said, "I think the farmer said Holy cow, a talking chicken!"
 

One day a lady entered a pet shop.
Lady: May I have a rabbit for my daughter?
Storekeeper: Sorry Ma'am, we don't do trades.
 

When my brother told me to stop impersonating a flamingo I had to put my foot down.
 

"Ggggggggggggggggggggggggggg," said the frog.
"You've got a frog in your throat," said the other frog.
 

A horse walked into the bar and the bartender said, "Why the long face?"
 

An elephant asked an ant, "Please hide me." So the ant replied, "Hide behind me."
 

A woman walks into a bar and sits down next to a guy near a dog. The woman asks, "Does your dog bite?"
The guy replied,"No."
The woman reached down to pet the dog and it bit her. "I thought you said he didn't bite," she yelled.
"That's not my dog," he yelled!
 

Mary had a little lamb,
But the lamb started to tease her.
Mary said, "STOP!"
But the lamb refused
So now it's in the freezer.
 

One day, Ah Meng asked Siew Lee, "Why do lions eat raw meat?"
Siew Lee said, "Because they are wild animals?"
Ah Meng said, "Wrong! They eat raw meat because they can't cook!"
 

One day a duck waddles into a mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no and the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck waddles into the mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no and the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck does the same and once again the clerk says no and adds if you ask me one more time I will nail your webbed feet to the floor. So the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck waddles into the mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any nails?" The clerk says no. "Then got any grapes?"
 

A cat died in a house. The servant started crying badly.
Master: It is only a cat that has died, why are you crying so much?
Servant: Master, when the cat was there I used to drink the milk and put the blame on it. Now on whom will I put the blame?
 

There were two sisters and they had $700 to spend on a bull. So one sister stayed home and looked after the farm while the other went to the auction. The sister brought the bull for $699 so she went to the post office and asked how much it was to send a telegram. It was $1 a word. So she told the man to send the word: Comfortable. (Come-for-the-bull.)
 

There were three male dogs, a Golden Retriever, a Lab, and Chihuahua, walking down the street. On their walk, they met a beautiful French Poodle. They all ran up to the poodle. The poodle says to the three dogs, "Since you all want to marry me, whoever can say liver and cheese in a complete sentence will get to marry me."
The Golden Retriever says, "I love liver and cheese."
The poodle replied, "How childish"
The Lab says, "I hate liver and cheese."
"You're hopeless," said the poodle.
The Chihuahua says, "Liver alone, cheese mine."
 

Peter: Mother, why is a snail stronger than an elephant?
Mother: I don't know.
Peter: Because a snail can carry its own home, but an elephant can only carry its own trunk.
 

Teacher: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Clyde: No, sir. It's the same dog.
 


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