Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Animal Jokes

We've got lots of funny Animal jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. Why did the leopard refuse to take a bath?
A. It didn't want to come out spotless.

Q. What is big, grey and has a lot of red bumps?
A. An elephant that was stung by a lot of bees!

Q. Why did the horse cross the road?
A. To get to the other NEIGH-bourhood.

Q. What do you call a Christmas duck?
A. A Christmas quacker!

Q. What do you call a dark colored horse that really scares you?
A. A nightMARE!

Q. What do you call a crab that will not share?
A. A selfish. (Shellfish)

Q. Where do dogs go when they lose their tail?
A. To the reTAIL store.

Q. Why couldn't the elephant move?
A. Because he couldn't lift his trunk!

Q. Why do elephants have trunks?
A. Because they would look funny with a suitcase.

Q. What happened to the frog's car when it got stuck?
A. It had to get TOAD away.

Q. Why do fish live in salt water?
A. Because pepper water would make them sneeze!

Q. When was meat so high?
A. When the cow jumped over the moon!

Q. Where do ducks go when they are sick?
A. The DUCKtor!

Q. How does a elephant get out of a tree?
A. He climbs on a leaf and waits till autumn!

Q. Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant?
A. Because he had a big bill.

Q. Why do elephants have wrinkles?
A. Ever tried to iron an elephant?

Q. What kind of bird uses ink to write?
A. A PEN-guin!

Q. What animal sleeps with its shoes on?
A. A horse.

Q. Where did the cow go on a holiday?
A. MOO York.

Q. What do you get when you cross a monkey and a pansy?
A. A chimpansy.

Q. What did the snail say when he was riding on the back of a turtle?
A. "Weeeee!"

Q. What is the best way to catch a squirrel?
A. Act like a nut.

Q. What animal is NOT allowed to play in games or contests?
A. Cheetahs (cheaters)

Q. What did the cat need when it was having trouble seeing?
A. A PURRscription!

Q. How do you know clams are lazy?
A. They are always in their beds.

Q. Why did the elephant paint his fingernails red?
A. So he could hide in a bowl of cherries.

Q. Why can't you take a test in the zoo?
A. There are too many cheetahs!

Q. How did the sheep get red cheeks?
A. It was MAAHD!

Q. How did the dog get splinters in his tongue?
A. He ate table scraps.

Q. How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
A. Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?!

Q. What is black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white and green?
A. Two skunks fighting over a pickle.

Q. What is a cat's favorite color?
A. PURRple!

Q. What kind of place should you never take a dog?
A. To the Flea Market.

Q. What animal has more lives than a cat?
A. A frog because it croaks every night!

Q. Which animal is the oldest in the world?
A. The zebra because it's still black and white.

Q. Why can't you do a math test in the jungle?
A. There are too many cheetahs!

Q. What do you get when you cross a sheep and a kangaroo?
A. A woolly jumper!

Q. How do you fit four elephants in a red mini?
A. Two in the front and two in the back.

Q. How do you fit four elephants in a red mini?
A. Two in the front and two in the back.

Q. How do you fit four elephants in a red mini?
A. Two in the front and two in the back.

Q. How do you fit four elephants in a red mini?
A. Two in the front and two in the back.

Q. How do you fit four elephants in a red mini?
A. Two in the front and two in the back.

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. What do you call an Italian cow that likes coffee?
A. De-calf.

Q. Where do famous dragons go after they retire?
A. The hall of flame!

Q. What animal is good with tools?
A. Hammer-head shark!

Q. There are 20 birds in a tree. A man comes and shoots one of the birds. How many birds are left?
A. None, because all the birds flew away after hearing the gun shot.

Q. Why did the hot dog wear a sweater?
A. Because it was a chili dog!

Q. What do you get when you cross a dog, a goat and an elephant?
A. A dogophant.

Q. How do you eat an elephant?
A. One bite at a time.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. Because she was getting tired of just standing there!

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. Because he was tired of living beside KFC!

Q. What kind of explosions do dinosaurs like?
A. DINOmite!

Q. What sort of appliance does a monkey use?
A. A gorilla. (A griller)

Q. What do you get when an elephant sky dives?
A. A big hole.

Q. How do you make a goldfish age?
A. Take away the g in goldfish.

Q. What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
A. Bacon and legs!

Q. What's an angry bull's favourite drink?
A. Red Bull.

Q. What has 6 eyes but cannot see?
A. Three blind mice.

Q. What do you give a frog at a hospital?
A. A HOPeration!

Q. What do you call it when a dinosaur crashes his car?
A. A Tyrannosaurus WRECK!

Q. Why is a giraffe's neck so long?
A. Because their feet stink.

Q. What animal has a crown on its head?
A. A rooster.

Q. What is white on the outside, green on the inside and hops?
A. A frog sandwich.

Q. What do you get when you cross a ball and a cat?
A. A fur ball.

Q. Why did the turtle cross the street?
A. To get to the Shell station.

Q. What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A. I don't know, a Hershey BAAH?!

Q. How do you stop a dog from barking in the back seat of your car?
A. Have him sit in front with you.

Q. What does a gorilla say when he is hungry?
A. "Gorilla me a burger."

Q. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A. A dino-snore!

Q. How do rabbits travel?
A. By hare planes!

Q. A rabbit hops by IHOP. He looks at the sign. What does he say?
A. "Big deal, so do I."

Q. What is black, white and red all over?
A. An embarassed zebra!

Q. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant?
A. Swimming trunks!

Q. Sam, Lula, Mike, and Kayla all live in a house. Mike and Kayla went out to the movies and when they got back Lula was on the floor dead in a pile of broken glass and water. Sam was on the couch sleeping and didn't know what happened. How did Lula die?
A. Sam is a dog and Lula is a fish. Sam pushed over the fish bowl.

Q. What are a shark's favorite games?
A. Swallow the Leader and Go Fish!

Q. How can you tell the difference between a grape and an elephant?
A. Grapes are purple.

Q. What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
A. Ouchy, mama!

Q. What do you call a chimp that likes to eat potato chips?
A. A chip-monk!

Q. Why didn't the bunny hop?
A. No bunny knows.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Amos
Amos who?
Amos quito just bit me, boo hoo!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don't know
To get to your house.
---
Knock, knock
Who's there?
The chicken!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
A parrot
A parrot who?
A parrot who?
Okay, now I get it!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Who
Who who?
I didn't know you were an owl!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrup...
Moooooooo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cows go
Cows go who?
No, cows go moo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Twit
Twit who?
Did anyone else hear an owl?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Owls
Owls who?
That's correct, owls who!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Lionel
Lionel who?
Lionel bite you if you don't watch out!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Three pigs
Three pigs who?
Three pigs who can't reach the doorbell.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Some bunny
Some bunny who?
Some bunny has been eating my carrots!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gorilla
Gorilla who?
Gorilla me a hamburger!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dinosaur
Dinosaur who?
Dinosaurs don't go who, they go ROAR!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Monkey
Monkey who?
Monkey see. Monkey do.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dasum
Dasum who?
Dasum cute dog!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cobra
Cobra who?
Go brush your teeth!!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Kanga
Kanga who?
No, Kangaroo!

Jokes

There's this man, he walks up to this lady's door. The lady answers it. The man says, "I'm terribly sorry. I just ran over your cat. I'd like to replace it." Then the woman says. "How good are you at catching mice?"
 

If pigs could fly, imagine what their wings would taste like!
 

A guy named Billie Bob Joe goes to a costume dress party with a girl on his back.

Harold, answering the door: What are you supposed to be?
Billie Bob Joe: A turtle.
Harold: What do you mean?
Billie Bob Joe: The girl on my back is Michelle.
 

There were three male dogs, a Golden Retriever, a Lab, and Chihuahua, walking down the street. On their walk, they met a beautiful French Poodle. They all ran up to the poodle. The poodle says to the three dogs, "Since you all want to marry me, whoever can say liver and cheese in a complete sentence will get to marry me."
The Golden Retriever says, "I love liver and cheese."
The poodle replied, "How childish"
The Lab says, "I hate liver and cheese."
"You're hopeless," said the poodle.
The Chihuahua says, "Liver alone, cheese mine."
 

There was a man who bought a camel. The previous owner told him that to make it walk, say "few," to make it run, say "many" and to make it stop say "amen". So one day the man decided to have a practise ride. He said "few" and the camel started walking, he said "many" and it started running, right towards the edge of a cliff. But the man forgot how to make it stop, so, panicking, he shouted out "Lord save me, Lord save me, Amen" and of course the camel stopped - at the VERY edge. Relieved the man said to himself, "Phew, that was clo-aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
 

A guy and his elephant are driving and get pulled over. The policeman says, "You need to take the elephant to the zoo." So the guy took his elephant to the zoo.

The next day, the same policeman pulls over the same guy and elephant. The policeman says, "I told you to take the elephant to the zoo."
The guy says, "I did yesterday, today we are going to a baseball game."
 

A mother snake bought a gift for her son's birthday. The son was so thrilled he hissed, "Mommy! Help me open it. I'm crawling out of my skin with excitement!"
 

A man walked into a pub and bought a sandwich, then a panda walked into the pub and stole the sandwich, ate it, shoots the barman and leaves. So the man goes out and says to the panda, "Why did you eat my sandwich, shoot the barman and then just leave?"
The panda says, "Look panda up in the dictionary."
So he looked Panda up and read: Eats shoots and leaves.
 

A little boy was in a wedding. Every time he walked 2 steps down the aisle, he would roar. When he finally got to the end of the aisle the people asked what he was doing. The little boy said that he was just being the Ring Bear.
 

An elephant asked an ant, "Please hide me." So the ant replied, "Hide behind me."
 

Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said, "Oh, come on, let's eat the sandwiches."
Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!"
 

A woman walks into a bar and sits down next to a guy near a dog. The woman asks, "Does your dog bite?"
The guy replied,"No."
The woman reached down to pet the dog and it bit her. "I thought you said he didn't bite," she yelled.
"That's not my dog," he yelled!
 

Down in the south where coconuts grow, an elephant stepped on a mosquito's toe. The mosquito jumped up with tears in his eyes and said, "Excuse me but you're not my size."
 

Bob: I lost my dog today.
Bill: So put an ad in the paper.
Bob: What good would that do? My dog can't read.
 

There were 2 cats looking into a green canary's cage. The first cat said to the second cat, "That's not a canary, it's green!"
The second cat said, "I don't know, maybe it's not ripe yet!"
 

Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell Crocodile?
Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L.
Teacher: No, that's wrong.
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
 

Once there was a scientist doing a test on a frog. He told the frog to jump, so it jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "4 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off one of the frog's front legs and said, "Jump." The frog jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "3 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off the frog's other front leg and said, "Jump," and the frog jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "2 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off one of the frog's back legs and said, "Jump," and the frog jumped. So the scientist wrote in his notes, "1 leg jump."

Then the scientist cut off the last leg and said, "Jump," and the frog didn't move. So the scientist said it again, but it still didn't move, so in his notes the scientist wrote, "No legs-goes deaf."
 

A cat died in a house. The servant started crying badly.
Master: It is only a cat that has died, why are you crying so much?
Servant: Master, when the cat was there I used to drink the milk and put the blame on it. Now on whom will I put the blame?
 

Policeman: One of your elephants has been seen chasing a man on a bicycle.
Zoo keeper: Nonsense, none of my elephants know how to ride a bicycle.
 

A man decided to start a chicken farm and brought 24 to get started. A week later he bought another 24 and another 24 the week after that. When his friend asked how his chicken farm was coming along the man replied, "Not one of them has grown yet. I wonder if I'm planting them too deep?"
 

There were two sisters and they had $700 to spend on a bull. So one sister stayed home and looked after the farm while the other went to the auction. The sister brought the bull for $699 so she went to the post office and asked how much it was to send a telegram. It was $1 a word. So she told the man to send the word: Comfortable. (Come-for-the-bull.)
 

There were three pigs and they walked into a restaurant. The waiter said, "What do you want to eat?" The first pig ordered fish and chips the second ordered pizza and the third ordered water.

The waiter came again and said, "What do you want for dessert?" The first pig wanted custard, the second some cake and the third wanted water again. The waiter said, "Why do you always have water?"
The pig replied, "Because one of us has to go wee, wee, wee all the way home!"
 

One day a big tortoise, a middle sized tortoise and a small tortoise went into a cafe. They ordered three banana splits. While they were waiting they noticed it had begun to rain. "Look at that," said the big tortoise, "we should have brought our umbrella."
"You're right," said the middle tortoise. "Let's send the little one back to get it."
"I'll go," said the little one. "But only if you promise not to eat my banana split."
The big tortoise and the middle tortoise promised.

A few days later the big tortoise said to the middle tortoise, "Come on, let's eat his banana spilt any way."
"All right," said the middle tortoise.
At that moment the little tortoise shouted from the end of the cafe, "You do that and I won't get your umbrella!"
 

Mary had a little lamb,
But the lamb started to tease her.
Mary said, "STOP!"
But the lamb refused
So now it's in the freezer.
 

A newspaper reporter submitted a story about the theft of 2,025 pigs.
His editor, struck at the size of the theft, called the farmer to confirm.
"Is it true that you lost two thousand twenty-five pigs?" he asked.
"Yeth," said the farmer.
The editor thanked him, hung up, and changed the phrase to "two sows and 25 pigs."
 

Snake 1: I hope I'm not poisonous.
Snake 2: Why?
Snake 1: Because I just bit my tongue.
 

There were 3 cats, The first cat said, "Meow."
Second cat said, "Meow."
Third cat said, "Meow, meow."
The first cat said, "Don't change the subject."
 

When my brother told me to stop impersonating a flamingo I had to put my foot down.
 

Teacher: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Clyde: No, sir. It's the same dog.
 

A first grade teacher was telling her students the story of "Chicken Little." She got to the part when Chicken Little ran up to the Farmer saying, "The sky is falling. The sky is falling." Then the teacher paused and asked the kids what they thought the farmer said. One little girl raised her hand and the teacher called on her. The little girl then said, "I think the farmer said Holy cow, a talking chicken!"
 


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