Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Animal Jokes

We've got lots of funny Animal jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What is smaller then a talking cat?
A. A spelling bee.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To show the possums how it's done.

Q. What sort of appliance does a monkey use?
A. A gorilla. (A griller)

Q. What's better than a talking dog?
A. A spelling bee!

Q. What kind of shoes do mice like?
A. Squeakers!

Q. Why was the dog sitting next to the fire?
A. He was a hotdog!

Q. What do you get when you cross a sheep and a kangaroo?
A. A woolly jumper!

Q. What do beavers like on their salad?
A. Branch dressing.

Q. How does a rabbit throw a tantrum?
A. He gets hopping mad.

Q. What did the monkey sing on Christmas day?
A. Jungle bells, Jungle bells...

Q. What do you call a cow with a twitch?
A. Beef jerky.

Q. Who gives presents to baby sharks?
A. Santa Jaws.

Q. What did the snail say when he was riding on the back of a turtle?
A. "Weeeee!"

Q. Which animal is the oldest in the world?
A. The zebra because it's still black and white.

Q. What do you get if you cross a dino and a dog?
A. A dog a sore!

Q. When was meat so high?
A. When the cow jumped over the moon!

Q. What do you get when you cross a dog, a goat and an elephant?
A. A dogophant.

Q. Why did the monkey cross the road?
A. Because the chicken retired.

Q. Why did the cow pack his bags?
A. Because he was MOOving!

Q. What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
A. Time to get a new fence.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Kanga
Kanga who?
No, Kangaroo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cobra
Cobra who?
Go brush your teeth!!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dinosaur
Dinosaur who?
Dinosaurs don't go who, they go ROAR!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gorilla
Gorilla who?
Gorilla me a hamburger!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Some bunny
Some bunny who?
Some bunny has been eating my carrots!

Jokes

The pillow asks the teddy bear, "Do you want an ice cream sundae?" The bear says, "No thanks, I'm stuffed!"
 

Policeman: One of your elephants has been seen chasing a man on a bicycle. Zoo keeper: Nonsense, none of my elephants know how to ride a bicycle.
 

If pigs could fly, imagine what their wings would taste like!
 

Two turtles were walking across the road, when suddenly a bright red car came racing around the corner and straight for them, one said to the other, "RUN!"
 

One day a big tortoise, a middle sized tortoise and a small tortoise went into a cafe. They ordered three banana splits. While they were waiting they noticed it had begun to rain. "Look at that," said the big tortoise, "we should have brought our umbrella." "You're right," said the middle tortoise. "Let's send the little one back to get it." "I'll go," said the little one. "But only if you promise not to eat my banana split." The big tortoise and the middle tortoise promised. A few days later the big tortoise said to the middle tortoise, "Come on, let's eat his banana spilt any way." "All right," said the middle tortoise. At that moment the little tortoise shouted from the end of the cafe, "You do that and I won't get your umbrella!"
 

There was a man and he was walking a lion on the side of the street when a policeman came and said, "Sir please don't walk your lion on the side of the street because its very dangerous. Why don't you take him to the zoo?!" The man agreed with him and took his lion to the zoo. The next day the policeman saw the man walking his lion again and told him the same thing but the man said, "I already took him to the zoo and he liked it a lot, now I'm going to take him to the movies."
 

There were two sisters and they had $700 to spend on a bull. So one sister stayed home and looked after the farm while the other went to the auction. The sister brought the bull for $699 so she went to the post office and asked how much it was to send a telegram. It was $1 a word. So she told the man to send the word: Comfortable. (Come-for-the-bull.)
 

One day a lady entered a pet shop. Lady: May I have a rabbit for my daughter? Storekeeper: Sorry Ma'am, we don't do trades.
 

LaKesheauna: My dentist put his finger in a lion's mouth to see how many teeth it had. Latangela: What did the lion do? LaKesheauna: It closed its mouth to see how many fingers my dentist had.
 

A man decided to start a chicken farm and brought 24 to get started. A week later he bought another 24 and another 24 the week after that. When his friend asked how his chicken farm was coming along the man replied, "Not one of them has grown yet. I wonder if I'm planting them too deep?"
 


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