Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Animal Jokes

We've got lots of funny Animal jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What do you get when you cross a dog, a goat and an elephant?
A. A dogophant.

Q. What do you get if you cross a cow and a camel?
A. A lumpy milkshake!

Q. What's black, white and blue all over?
A. A cold zebra.

Q. Why is a snake lucky?
A. Because you can't pull its leg!

Q. What do you call a reptile that sings?
A. A RAPtile!

Q. Why do elephants have wrinkles?
A. Ever tried to iron an elephant?

Q. What do you get when you cross a chicken and a centipede?
A. Drumsticks for everyone!

Q. Why do fish live in salt water?
A. Because pepper water would make them sneeze!

Q. What do polar bears like to snack on?
A. Eskimo thighs.

Q. What do eskimos call their cows?
A. Eski-MOOS.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. Because he was tired of living beside KFC!

Q. What has two heads, one tail and six legs?
A. A man on a horse.

Q. What are the strongest animals in the ocean?
A. Mussels!

Q. Why can't you take a test in the zoo?
A. There are too many cheetahs!

Q. What kind of monkey can fly?
A. A hot air BABOON!

Q. Did you hear the one about the fox with no ears?
A. He didn't either.

Q. How does a rabbit throw a tantrum?
A. He gets hopping mad.

Q. What do fish eat for lunch?
A. SANDwiches!

Q. What did the cat say when he fell off the table?
A. "Me ow!"

Q. What is a cow's favorite portrait?
A. MOOna Lisa!

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Kanga
Kanga who?
No, Kangaroo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cows go
Cows go who?
No, cows go moo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrup...
Moooooooo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Twit
Twit who?
Did anyone else hear an owl?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Amos
Amos who?
Amos quito just bit me, boo hoo!

Jokes

Down in the south where coconuts grow, an elephant stepped on a mosquito's toe. The mosquito jumped up with tears in his eyes and said, "Excuse me but you're not my size."
 

Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said, "Oh, come on, let's eat the sandwiches."
Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!"
 

One day a duck waddles into a mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no and the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck waddles into the mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no and the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck does the same and once again the clerk says no and adds if you ask me one more time I will nail your webbed feet to the floor. So the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck waddles into the mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any nails?" The clerk says no. "Then got any grapes?"
 

A man walked into a pub and bought a sandwich, then a panda walked into the pub and stole the sandwich, ate it, shoots the barman and leaves. So the man goes out and says to the panda, "Why did you eat my sandwich, shoot the barman and then just leave?"
The panda says, "Look panda up in the dictionary."
So he looked Panda up and read: Eats shoots and leaves.
 

There were 3 cats, The first cat said, "Meow."
Second cat said, "Meow."
Third cat said, "Meow, meow."
The first cat said, "Don't change the subject."
 

A guy named Billie Bob Joe goes to a costume dress party with a girl on his back.

Harold, answering the door: What are you supposed to be?
Billie Bob Joe: A turtle.
Harold: What do you mean?
Billie Bob Joe: The girl on my back is Michelle.
 

A cat died in a house. The servant started crying badly.
Master: It is only a cat that has died, why are you crying so much?
Servant: Master, when the cat was there I used to drink the milk and put the blame on it. Now on whom will I put the blame?
 

There were three pigs and they walked into a restaurant. The waiter said, "What do you want to eat?" The first pig ordered fish and chips the second ordered pizza and the third ordered water.

The waiter came again and said, "What do you want for dessert?" The first pig wanted custard, the second some cake and the third wanted water again. The waiter said, "Why do you always have water?"
The pig replied, "Because one of us has to go wee, wee, wee all the way home!"
 

One day a lady entered a pet shop.
Lady: May I have a rabbit for my daughter?
Storekeeper: Sorry Ma'am, we don't do trades.
 

A horse walked into the bar and the bartender said, "Why the long face?"
 


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