Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Animal Jokes

We've got lots of funny Animal jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
A. Bacon and legs!

Q. Where do horses go when they are sick?
A. HORSEpital.

Q. What animal should you not play cards with?
A. A Cheetah!

Q. What is white on the outside, green on the inside and hops?
A. A frog sandwich.

Q. Why did the young cat get arrested ?
A. For his litter!

Q. How do you eat an elephant?
A. One bite at a time.

Q. What animal never tells the truth?
A. A lion.

Q. What do you call a dinosaur with a big vocabulary?
A. A theSAURUS!

Q. Why do cats always go after mice and birds?
A. Because cats like fast food.

Q. What does a triceratops sit on?
A. It's tricera-bottom!

Q. What kind of dog can jump higher than a skyscraper?
A. Any dog, skyscrapers can't jump.

Q. What do you call a pig that gets fired from his job?
A. Canned ham!

Q. Sam, Lula, Mike, and Kayla all live in a house. Mike and Kayla went out to the movies and when they got back Lula was on the floor dead in a pile of broken glass and water. Sam was on the couch sleeping and didn't know what happened. How did Lula die?
A. Sam is a dog and Lula is a fish. Sam pushed over the fish bowl.

Q. What goes BOUNCE! OUCH! BOUNCE! OUCH! BOUNCE! OUCH?
A. A kangaroo in a room with a low ceiling!

Q. Why did the gum cross the road?
A. It was stuck to the chicken's foot.

Q. Why do birds fly south in the winter?
A. Because it's too far to walk!

Q. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A. A dino-snore!

Q. What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A. What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?

Q. Why is a giraffe's neck so long?
A. Because their feet stink.

Q. Why was the little bird punished?
A. It was caught peeping in school.

Q. Why can't you take a test in the zoo?
A. There are too many cheetahs!

Q. What did the sun say to the sheep and the cloud?
A. "Whoa, are y'all related?"

Q. Why couldn't the elephant move?
A. Because he couldn't lift his trunk!

Q. What does a cow grow on its face?
A. A MOOstache.

Q. What is a cow's favorite portrait?
A. MOOna Lisa!

Q. How does a elephant get out of a tree?
A. He climbs on a leaf and waits till autumn!

Q. What do you call an Italian cow that likes coffee?
A. De-calf.

Q. There are ten cats on a boat. One jumps off, how many are left?
A. None, they were all copy cats!

Q. Why don't they play cards in Africa?
A. There are too many Cheetahs!

Q. What kind of bats swing upside down?
A. AcroBATS!

Q. What do you get with a kangoroo and a snake?
A. A jump rope.

Q. How do you stop a rhino from charging?
A. Take away its credit card.

Q. What three animals have keys?
A. Donkeys, monkeys, and turkeys!

Q. What does a chicken have in common with a band?
A. Drumsticks.

Q. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant?
A. Swimming trunks!

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher with a tiger?
A. I don't know but you better behave in its class!

Q. What is grey, has a tail and a trunk?
A. A mouse going on a vacation.

Q. What money do dogs and cats have?
A. Kitty cash and doggy dollars.

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. Why was the elephant afraid of the computer store?
A. Because they sold the world's best mice.

Q. How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
A. Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?!

Q. Why doesn't the elephant use the computer?
A. Because it is afraid of the mouse!

Q. What bird is always sad?
A. A blue-bird.

Q. What do you call a dark colored horse that really scares you?
A. A nightMARE!

Q. What kind of monkey can fly?
A. A hot air BABOON!

Q. Why was the walrus late for the party?
A. His iceberg ran into a ship!

Q. What way do the cows like to go?
A. The milky way!

Q. What's black and white and red all over?
A. A sunburned zebra!

Q. What planet is full of cows?
A. The MOOn!

Q. What do fish eat for lunch?
A. SANDwiches!

Q. What did one lion say to another when they saw some hunters in a jeep?
A. "Look, meals on wheels!"

Q. What did the cow say to the other cow?
A. "MOOve over!"

Q. Why did the cow pack his bags?
A. Because he was MOOving!

Q. Why did the cow cross the road?
A. To get to the MOOvies.

Q. Why did the cow do jumping jacks?
A. Because he wanted a milkshake!

Q. What does a toad say when it sees something great?
A. "TOADaly Awesome!"

Q. What is the same size as a elephant, yet weighs nothing?
A. An elephant's shadow!

Q. What is a cat's favorite color?
A. PURRple!

Q. How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?
A. You open the door and put the elephant in and then close the door.

Q. How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?
A. You open the door and put the elephant in and then close the door.

Q. How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?
A. You open the door and put the elephant in and then close the door.

Q. How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?
A. You open the door and put the elephant in and then close the door.

Q. What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left for school?
A. Bison!

Q. What do you get when you cross a hammock and a dog?
A. A rocker spaniel.

Q. What animal sleeps with its shoes on?
A. A horse.

Q. What does a panda ghost eat?
A. Bam-BOO!

Q. Who was the first deer in space?
A. Buck Rogers.

Q. Why did the cow want some cheese?
A. Because it's MOOlicious!

Q. What's a cat's favourite magazine?
A. A CAT-alogue.

Q. Why did the turtle cross the street?
A. To get to the Shell station.

Q. What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?
A. A submarine with a built-in snorkel.

Q. What do you get when you cross a lamb and a rocket?
A. A space sheep!

Q. What do you get when you cross a ball and a cat?
A. A fur ball.

Q. What do you call a deer that makes money?
A. A buck!

Q. What did the elephant say to her son when he was naughty?
A. "Tusk tusk!"

Q. What dog loves to take a shower?
A. A shamPOODLE.

Q. Why was the dog sitting next to the fire?
A. He was a hotdog!

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. Because she was getting tired of just standing there!

Q. What do you call a dog who wins a race?
A. A weiner.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Amos
Amos who?
Amos quito just bit me, boo hoo!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don't know
To get to your house.
---
Knock, knock
Who's there?
The chicken!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
A parrot
A parrot who?
A parrot who?
Okay, now I get it!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Who
Who who?
I didn't know you were an owl!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrup...
Moooooooo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cows go
Cows go who?
No, cows go moo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Twit
Twit who?
Did anyone else hear an owl?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Owls
Owls who?
That's correct, owls who!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Lionel
Lionel who?
Lionel bite you if you don't watch out!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Three pigs
Three pigs who?
Three pigs who can't reach the doorbell.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Some bunny
Some bunny who?
Some bunny has been eating my carrots!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gorilla
Gorilla who?
Gorilla me a hamburger!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dinosaur
Dinosaur who?
Dinosaurs don't go who, they go ROAR!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Monkey
Monkey who?
Monkey see. Monkey do.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dasum
Dasum who?
Dasum cute dog!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cobra
Cobra who?
Go brush your teeth!!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Kanga
Kanga who?
No, Kangaroo!

Jokes

A man walked into a pub and bought a sandwich, then a panda walked into the pub and stole the sandwich, ate it, shoots the barman and leaves. So the man goes out and says to the panda, "Why did you eat my sandwich, shoot the barman and then just leave?"
The panda says, "Look panda up in the dictionary."
So he looked Panda up and read: Eats shoots and leaves.
 

A man decided to start a chicken farm and brought 24 to get started. A week later he bought another 24 and another 24 the week after that. When his friend asked how his chicken farm was coming along the man replied, "Not one of them has grown yet. I wonder if I'm planting them too deep?"
 

There was a man and he was walking a lion on the side of the street when a policeman came and said, "Sir please don't walk your lion on the side of the street because its very dangerous. Why don't you take him to the zoo?!"
The man agreed with him and took his lion to the zoo.

The next day the policeman saw the man walking his lion again and told him the same thing but the man said, "I already took him to the zoo and he liked it a lot, now I'm going to take him to the movies."
 

One day a lady entered a pet shop.
Lady: May I have a rabbit for my daughter?
Storekeeper: Sorry Ma'am, we don't do trades.
 

"Ggggggggggggggggggggggggggg," said the frog.
"You've got a frog in your throat," said the other frog.
 

One day a big tortoise, a middle sized tortoise and a small tortoise went into a cafe. They ordered three banana splits. While they were waiting they noticed it had begun to rain. "Look at that," said the big tortoise, "we should have brought our umbrella."
"You're right," said the middle tortoise. "Let's send the little one back to get it."
"I'll go," said the little one. "But only if you promise not to eat my banana split."
The big tortoise and the middle tortoise promised.

A few days later the big tortoise said to the middle tortoise, "Come on, let's eat his banana spilt any way."
"All right," said the middle tortoise.
At that moment the little tortoise shouted from the end of the cafe, "You do that and I won't get your umbrella!"
 

There's this man, he walks up to this lady's door. The lady answers it. The man says, "I'm terribly sorry. I just ran over your cat. I'd like to replace it." Then the woman says. "How good are you at catching mice?"
 

A little boy was in a wedding. Every time he walked 2 steps down the aisle, he would roar. When he finally got to the end of the aisle the people asked what he was doing. The little boy said that he was just being the Ring Bear.
 

There were 3 cats, The first cat said, "Meow."
Second cat said, "Meow."
Third cat said, "Meow, meow."
The first cat said, "Don't change the subject."
 

Bob: I lost my dog today.
Bill: So put an ad in the paper.
Bob: What good would that do? My dog can't read.
 

There were 2 cats looking into a green canary's cage. The first cat said to the second cat, "That's not a canary, it's green!"
The second cat said, "I don't know, maybe it's not ripe yet!"
 

A first grade teacher was telling her students the story of "Chicken Little." She got to the part when Chicken Little ran up to the Farmer saying, "The sky is falling. The sky is falling." Then the teacher paused and asked the kids what they thought the farmer said. One little girl raised her hand and the teacher called on her. The little girl then said, "I think the farmer said Holy cow, a talking chicken!"
 

There were three pigs and they walked into a restaurant. The waiter said, "What do you want to eat?" The first pig ordered fish and chips the second ordered pizza and the third ordered water.

The waiter came again and said, "What do you want for dessert?" The first pig wanted custard, the second some cake and the third wanted water again. The waiter said, "Why do you always have water?"
The pig replied, "Because one of us has to go wee, wee, wee all the way home!"
 

The pillow asks the teddy bear, "Do you want an ice cream sundae?" The bear says, "No thanks, I'm stuffed!"
 

A horse walked into the bar and the bartender said, "Why the long face?"
 

There was a man who bought a camel. The previous owner told him that to make it walk, say "few," to make it run, say "many" and to make it stop say "amen". So one day the man decided to have a practise ride. He said "few" and the camel started walking, he said "many" and it started running, right towards the edge of a cliff. But the man forgot how to make it stop, so, panicking, he shouted out "Lord save me, Lord save me, Amen" and of course the camel stopped - at the VERY edge. Relieved the man said to himself, "Phew, that was clo-aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
 

Teacher: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Clyde: No, sir. It's the same dog.
 

One day, Ah Meng asked Siew Lee, "Why do lions eat raw meat?"
Siew Lee said, "Because they are wild animals?"
Ah Meng said, "Wrong! They eat raw meat because they can't cook!"
 

A cat died in a house. The servant started crying badly.
Master: It is only a cat that has died, why are you crying so much?
Servant: Master, when the cat was there I used to drink the milk and put the blame on it. Now on whom will I put the blame?
 

Policeman: One of your elephants has been seen chasing a man on a bicycle.
Zoo keeper: Nonsense, none of my elephants know how to ride a bicycle.
 

Tongue Twister: A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk but the stump thunk the skunk stunk!
 

There were two sisters and they had $700 to spend on a bull. So one sister stayed home and looked after the farm while the other went to the auction. The sister brought the bull for $699 so she went to the post office and asked how much it was to send a telegram. It was $1 a word. So she told the man to send the word: Comfortable. (Come-for-the-bull.)
 

Peter: Mother, why is a snail stronger than an elephant?
Mother: I don't know.
Peter: Because a snail can carry its own home, but an elephant can only carry its own trunk.
 

One day a duck waddles into a mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no and the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck waddles into the mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no and the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck does the same and once again the clerk says no and adds if you ask me one more time I will nail your webbed feet to the floor. So the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck waddles into the mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any nails?" The clerk says no. "Then got any grapes?"
 

LaKesheauna: My dentist put his finger in a lion's mouth to see how many teeth it had.
Latangela: What did the lion do?
LaKesheauna: It closed its mouth to see how many fingers my dentist had.
 

If pigs could fly, imagine what their wings would taste like!
 

Three pigs walked into a restaurant and the waiter asked them what they would like to drink. The first pig wanted Coke, the second Sprite and the third wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter came back to ask for the main course and the first pig wanted salad, the second wanted chicken and the third pig wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter came back and asked for their dessert choices. The first pig wanted cake, the second wanted cupcakes and the third pig wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter was curious and asked the third pig, "Why do you want so much water?"
The third little pig smiled and said, "I'm the little pig that goes, wee, wee, wee all the way home"
 

Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell Crocodile?
Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L.
Teacher: No, that's wrong.
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
 

A guy and his elephant are driving and get pulled over. The policeman says, "You need to take the elephant to the zoo." So the guy took his elephant to the zoo.

The next day, the same policeman pulls over the same guy and elephant. The policeman says, "I told you to take the elephant to the zoo."
The guy says, "I did yesterday, today we are going to a baseball game."
 

Two turtles were walking across the road, when suddenly a bright red car came racing around the corner and straight for them, one said to the other, "RUN!"
 


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