Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Animal Jokes

We've got lots of funny Animal jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. Why do you never ask a dinosaur to read you a story?
A. Because their tales are so long.

Q. What does a toad say when it sees something great?
A. "TOADaly Awesome!"

Q. Why did the snake get a detention?
A. Because he was HISSpering!

Q. Where does a bunny go if you give it a pair of socks?
A. A sock hop.

Q. Why did the dinosaur bring string to the baseball game?
A. He wanted to tie up the score!

Q. Why do cats always go after mice and birds?
A. Because cats like fast food.

Q. How can you tell the difference between a grape and an elephant?
A. Grapes are purple.

Q. Why couldn't the elephant move?
A. Because he couldn't lift his trunk!

Q. What's black, white and blue all over?
A. A cold zebra.

Q. What dog keeps the best time?
A. A watch-dog.

Q. Why doesn't the elephant use the computer?
A. Because it is afraid of the mouse!

Q. What kind of explosions do dinosaurs like?
A. DINOmite!

Q. What is smaller then a talking cat?
A. A spelling bee.

Q. There are 2 cats, one is French and the other English. The French cat's name was Un Deux Trois and the English cat's name was One Two Three. Both cats think they're better than the other. To determine this they have a swimming contest. Which cat wins and why?
A. The English cat, because Un Deux Trois Quatre Cinq! (Un Deux Trois cat sank)

Q. Why do elephants have trunks?
A. Because they would look funny with a suitcase.

Q. What do you call a pig that gets fired from his job?
A. Canned ham!

Q. What is the difference between a piano and a fish?
A. You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish!

Q. What animal should you not play cards with?
A. A Cheetah!

Q. Which animal is the oldest in the world?
A. The zebra because it's still black and white.

Q. Why was the walrus late for the party?
A. His iceberg ran into a ship!

Q. What do cows like to put on their sandwiches?
A. MOOstard!

Q. How does a elephant get out of a tree?
A. He climbs on a leaf and waits till autumn!

Q. If the chicken crossed the road to get to the other side, how did the frog cross the road?
A. He tied himself to the chicken.

Q. Why do fish live in salt water?
A. Because pepper water would make them sneeze!

Q. How do you catch a rabbit?
A. Make a noise like a carrot.

Q. What animal never tells the truth?
A. A lion.

Q. What do you call an elephant at the North Pole?
A. Lost.

Q. What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A. A cloud!

Q. What is black and white and red all over?
A. An injured penguin.

Q. What do you call a sleeping bull?
A. A BULL-dozer.

Q. Which wolf got lost in the woods?
A. The WHEREwolf.

Q. Why are duck doctors so expensive?
A. Because of their bills.

Q. How does a rabbit throw a tantrum?
A. He gets hopping mad.

Q. When does a zebra soldier get to be a sergeant?
A. When he earns his stripes.

Q. What money do dogs and cats have?
A. Kitty cash and doggy dollars.

Q. If there was a spelling test, which animal would win?
A. The bee!

Q. Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A. Yes, because the Empire State Building can't jump!

Q. What did the frog order at the burger place?
A. French flies and a diet croak.

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. Why did the cow cross the road?
A. To get to the MOOvies.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. Because he was tired of living beside KFC!

Q. What kind of vehicle does a lamb drive?
A. A LAMBorghini!

Q. How did the cow get through the crowd?
A. He shouted MOOve!

Q. What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
A. Ouchy, mama!

Q. What do you call a blind dinosaur?
A. Doyouthinkhesarus?

Q. What do you get if you cross a cow with a smurf?
A. Blue cheese!

Q. Why didn't the bunny hop?
A. No bunny knows.

Q. What does a cow grow on its face?
A. A MOOstache.

Q. What do you call a deaf dinosaur?
A. Anything you like, he can't hear you!

Q. What did the dragon say after laying 50 eggs?
A. "I'm EGGShausted!"

Q. What kind of bird uses ink to write?
A. A PEN-guin!

Q. Where do beavers and hamsters live together?
A. Hamsterdam.

Q. Why did the cow do jumping jacks?
A. Because he wanted a milkshake!

Q. What road does a bat take?
A. The high road!

Q. Why did the cow pack his bags?
A. Because he was MOOving!

Q. A skunk, a frog and a duck wanted to go to the movies. The movies cost a dollar, which animal got to go?
A. The frog because it was the only one with a greenback.

Q. What is a cow's favorite ice cream?
A. MOOnila!

Q. What do you get when you cross a chicken and a centipede?
A. Drumsticks for everyone!

Q. Why was the elephant afraid of the computer store?
A. Because they sold the world's best mice.

Q. Why does a giraffe eat so little?
A. Because they can make a little go a long way.

Q. Why did the sheep go to the movies?
A. To get some snAAAHks!

Q. Why did the horse cross the road?
A. To get to the other NEIGH-bourhood.

Q. Why did the cow eat the tight rope walker?
A. Because he wanted a balanced meal!

Q. What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
A. One is really heavy. The other is a little lighter.

Q. What kind of animals do clocks have?
A. Ticks.

Q. What do you get when you cross a ball and a cat?
A. A fur ball.

Q. What are the strongest animals in the ocean?
A. Mussels!

Q. There are 10 cats in a boat. One cat jumped out of the boat. How many cats were left?
A. None, they were all copycats.

Q. What's an angry bull's favourite drink?
A. Red Bull.

Q. What does a frog eat with his hamburger?
A. French Flies!

Q. Why did the goose cross the road?
A. He didn't want to be called a chicken!

Q. What do you get when you cross a dog, a goat and an elephant?
A. A dogophant.

Q. What place has the most cows?
A. Moo York. (New York)

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. Because she was getting tired of just standing there!

Q. Why did the dinosaur wear a bandage?
A. Because he had a dino-SORE!

Q. What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?
A. A submarine with a built-in snorkel.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Amos
Amos who?
Amos quito just bit me, boo hoo!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don't know
To get to your house.
---
Knock, knock
Who's there?
The chicken!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
A parrot
A parrot who?
A parrot who?
Okay, now I get it!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Who
Who who?
I didn't know you were an owl!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrup...
Moooooooo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cows go
Cows go who?
No, cows go moo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Twit
Twit who?
Did anyone else hear an owl?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Owls
Owls who?
That's correct, owls who!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Lionel
Lionel who?
Lionel bite you if you don't watch out!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Three pigs
Three pigs who?
Three pigs who can't reach the doorbell.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Some bunny
Some bunny who?
Some bunny has been eating my carrots!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gorilla
Gorilla who?
Gorilla me a hamburger!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dinosaur
Dinosaur who?
Dinosaurs don't go who, they go ROAR!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Monkey
Monkey who?
Monkey see. Monkey do.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dasum
Dasum who?
Dasum cute dog!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cobra
Cobra who?
Go brush your teeth!!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Kanga
Kanga who?
No, Kangaroo!

Jokes

A mother snake bought a gift for her son's birthday. The son was so thrilled he hissed, "Mommy! Help me open it. I'm crawling out of my skin with excitement!"
 

Three pigs walked into a restaurant and the waiter asked them what they would like to drink. The first pig wanted Coke, the second Sprite and the third wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter came back to ask for the main course and the first pig wanted salad, the second wanted chicken and the third pig wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter came back and asked for their dessert choices. The first pig wanted cake, the second wanted cupcakes and the third pig wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter was curious and asked the third pig, "Why do you want so much water?"
The third little pig smiled and said, "I'm the little pig that goes, wee, wee, wee all the way home"
 

Two turtles were walking across the road, when suddenly a bright red car came racing around the corner and straight for them, one said to the other, "RUN!"
 

There was a man and he was walking a lion on the side of the street when a policeman came and said, "Sir please don't walk your lion on the side of the street because its very dangerous. Why don't you take him to the zoo?!"
The man agreed with him and took his lion to the zoo.

The next day the policeman saw the man walking his lion again and told him the same thing but the man said, "I already took him to the zoo and he liked it a lot, now I'm going to take him to the movies."
 

LaKesheauna: My dentist put his finger in a lion's mouth to see how many teeth it had.
Latangela: What did the lion do?
LaKesheauna: It closed its mouth to see how many fingers my dentist had.
 

Policeman: One of your elephants has been seen chasing a man on a bicycle.
Zoo keeper: Nonsense, none of my elephants know how to ride a bicycle.
 

When my brother told me to stop impersonating a flamingo I had to put my foot down.
 

A man walked into a pub and bought a sandwich, then a panda walked into the pub and stole the sandwich, ate it, shoots the barman and leaves. So the man goes out and says to the panda, "Why did you eat my sandwich, shoot the barman and then just leave?"
The panda says, "Look panda up in the dictionary."
So he looked Panda up and read: Eats shoots and leaves.
 

A woman walks into a bar and sits down next to a guy near a dog. The woman asks, "Does your dog bite?"
The guy replied,"No."
The woman reached down to pet the dog and it bit her. "I thought you said he didn't bite," she yelled.
"That's not my dog," he yelled!
 

The pillow asks the teddy bear, "Do you want an ice cream sundae?" The bear says, "No thanks, I'm stuffed!"
 

A man decided to start a chicken farm and brought 24 to get started. A week later he bought another 24 and another 24 the week after that. When his friend asked how his chicken farm was coming along the man replied, "Not one of them has grown yet. I wonder if I'm planting them too deep?"
 

There were 2 cats looking into a green canary's cage. The first cat said to the second cat, "That's not a canary, it's green!"
The second cat said, "I don't know, maybe it's not ripe yet!"
 

Bob: I lost my dog today.
Bill: So put an ad in the paper.
Bob: What good would that do? My dog can't read.
 

Teacher: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Clyde: No, sir. It's the same dog.
 

There's this man, he walks up to this lady's door. The lady answers it. The man says, "I'm terribly sorry. I just ran over your cat. I'd like to replace it." Then the woman says. "How good are you at catching mice?"
 

Peter: Mother, why is a snail stronger than an elephant?
Mother: I don't know.
Peter: Because a snail can carry its own home, but an elephant can only carry its own trunk.
 

"Ggggggggggggggggggggggggggg," said the frog.
"You've got a frog in your throat," said the other frog.
 

Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell Crocodile?
Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L.
Teacher: No, that's wrong.
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
 

There was a man who bought a camel. The previous owner told him that to make it walk, say "few," to make it run, say "many" and to make it stop say "amen". So one day the man decided to have a practise ride. He said "few" and the camel started walking, he said "many" and it started running, right towards the edge of a cliff. But the man forgot how to make it stop, so, panicking, he shouted out "Lord save me, Lord save me, Amen" and of course the camel stopped - at the VERY edge. Relieved the man said to himself, "Phew, that was clo-aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
 

There were two sisters and they had $700 to spend on a bull. So one sister stayed home and looked after the farm while the other went to the auction. The sister brought the bull for $699 so she went to the post office and asked how much it was to send a telegram. It was $1 a word. So she told the man to send the word: Comfortable. (Come-for-the-bull.)
 

Mary had a little lamb,
But the lamb started to tease her.
Mary said, "STOP!"
But the lamb refused
So now it's in the freezer.
 

Once there was a scientist doing a test on a frog. He told the frog to jump, so it jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "4 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off one of the frog's front legs and said, "Jump." The frog jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "3 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off the frog's other front leg and said, "Jump," and the frog jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "2 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off one of the frog's back legs and said, "Jump," and the frog jumped. So the scientist wrote in his notes, "1 leg jump."

Then the scientist cut off the last leg and said, "Jump," and the frog didn't move. So the scientist said it again, but it still didn't move, so in his notes the scientist wrote, "No legs-goes deaf."
 

If pigs could fly, imagine what their wings would taste like!
 

A newspaper reporter submitted a story about the theft of 2,025 pigs.
His editor, struck at the size of the theft, called the farmer to confirm.
"Is it true that you lost two thousand twenty-five pigs?" he asked.
"Yeth," said the farmer.
The editor thanked him, hung up, and changed the phrase to "two sows and 25 pigs."
 

One day a lady entered a pet shop.
Lady: May I have a rabbit for my daughter?
Storekeeper: Sorry Ma'am, we don't do trades.
 

Snake 1: I hope I'm not poisonous.
Snake 2: Why?
Snake 1: Because I just bit my tongue.
 

There were two cows standing in a field talking to each other. They were talking about Mr. Brown's cows having Mad Cow Disease, when one of the cows said, "It's a good thing we're chickens."
 

A guy and his elephant are driving and get pulled over. The policeman says, "You need to take the elephant to the zoo." So the guy took his elephant to the zoo.

The next day, the same policeman pulls over the same guy and elephant. The policeman says, "I told you to take the elephant to the zoo."
The guy says, "I did yesterday, today we are going to a baseball game."
 

Down in the south where coconuts grow, an elephant stepped on a mosquito's toe. The mosquito jumped up with tears in his eyes and said, "Excuse me but you're not my size."
 

A horse walked into the bar and the bartender said, "Why the long face?"
 


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