Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Animal Jokes

We've got lots of funny Animal jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What do you call a pig that does karate?
A. Pork Chop!

Q. If a very small fish married a young dog, what would their baby be called?
A. A guppy puppy.

Q. What is white on the outside, green on the inside and hops?
A. A frog sandwich.

Q. What do you call a cat that eats lemons?
A. A sourpuss.

Q. Why did the elephant float down the river on his back?
A. So he wouldn't get his tennis shoes wet.

Q. Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
A. Because he wanted to see his flat mate!

Q. What do you get when you cross a monkey and a pansy?
A. A chimpansy.

Q. What do you call elephants that swim?
A. Swimming trunks!

Q. What road does a bat take?
A. The high road!

Q. What bird can write?
A. PENguin!

Q. What is a pampered cow?
A. Spoiled milk.

Q. Which day is mostly avoided by fish?
A. FRYday!

Q. Why do gorillas have broad fingers?
A. Because they have large nostrils.

Q. What dog keeps the best time?
A. A watch-dog.

Q. What are the strongest animals in the ocean?
A. Mussels!

Q. What do you say to Simba when he's moving too slow?
A. Mufasa!

Q. What do you get if you cross a bee and a bunny?
A. A honey bunny!

Q. How do you make a goldfish age?
A. Take away the g in goldfish.

Q. Why was the horse unable to get into the antelopes' music club?
A. He had no horns!

Q. What does an alligator drink when it is sick?
A. Gatorade!

Q. Where do fish keep their money?
A. In the riverbank.

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher with a tiger?
A. I don't know but you better behave in its class!

Q. What do you get when you mix a bear and a skunk?
A. Winnie-The-Phew!

Q. What do mice feel like when they come out of the shower?
A. Squeaky clean!

Q. There were two elephants under one umbrella, why didn't they get wet?
A. It wasn't raining.

Q. Why do elephants have wrinkles?
A. Ever tried to iron an elephant?

Q. Why did the lamb go to the river?
A. To get a BAA-th!

Q. What is a porcupine's favourite game?
A. Poker.

Q. What is a cow's favorite portrait?
A. MOOna Lisa!

Q. Who gives presents to baby sharks?
A. Santa Jaws.

Q. Where do ducks go when they are sick?
A. The DUCKtor!

Q. What is a cow's favourite drink?
A. MOO Juice.

Q. What's the difference between a dog and a flea?
A. A dog can have fleas, but a flea can't have dogs.

Q. Why did the horse cross the road?
A. To get to the other NEIGH-bourhood.

Q. There are ten cats on a boat. One jumps off, how many are left?
A. None, they were all copy cats!

Q. What is the same size as a elephant, yet weighs nothing?
A. An elephant's shadow!

Q. Why did the cat sit on the computer?
A. To keep an eye on the mouse.

Q. What do polar bears like to snack on?
A. Eskimo thighs.

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. What do you get when you cross a hammock and a dog?
A. A rocker spaniel.

Q. What do you call a pig that gets fired from his job?
A. Canned ham!

Q. What is black and white and red all over?
A. A penguin doing 100 push ups.

Q. Why did the dalmation go to the eye doctor?
A. Because he kept seeing spots.

Q. Why did the young cat get arrested ?
A. For his litter!

Q. What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
A. Ouchy, mama!

Q. What is black and white and red all over?
A. An injured penguin.

Q. What do you call a dog who wins a race?
A. A weiner.

Q. What animal sleeps with its shoes on?
A. A horse.

Q. What card game do crocodiles like to play?
A. SNAP!

Q. What kind of musical instrument do rats play?
A. Mouse organs.

Q. What is a snake's favourite subject?
A. HISStory!

Q. What did the spider do when he went on his computer?
A. He went on his web site!

Q. What do eskimos call their cows?
A. Eski-MOOS.

Q. What do you get when you cross a lamb and a rocket?
A. A space sheep!

Q. How does a elephant get out of a tree?
A. He climbs on a leaf and waits till autumn!

Q. What did the fish say to the octopus while the octopus was eating?
A. Lend me a tentacle or 8.

Q. What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?
A. A submarine with a built-in snorkel.

Q. What has 6 legs, 4 eyes, 4 ears, 2 noses, 2 mouths and 2 heads?
A. A man sitting on a horse.

Q. What do a car, tree and an elephant have in common?
A. They all have trunks!

Q. Where won't you find a dog shopping?
A. At the flea market!

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To show the possums how it's done.

Q. What does a chicken have in common with a band?
A. Drumsticks.

Q. What do you call a crab that will not share?
A. A selfish. (Shellfish)

Q. What has two heads, one tail and six legs?
A. A man on a horse.

Q. What way do the cows like to go?
A. The milky way!

Q. How do you stop an alligator wriggling in the back of your car?
A. Move it to the front!

Q. What do you get when you cross a bird, a car, and a dog?
A. A flying carpet.

Q. What time is it when an elephant sits in a chair?
A. Time to buy a new chair!

Q. Why do fish live in salt water?
A. Because pepper water would make them sneeze!

Q. Why aren't dogs good dancers?
A. They have two left feet.

Q. What does a panda ghost eat?
A. Bam-BOO!

Q. What is a cow's favorite ice cream?
A. MOOnila!

Q. What does a toad say when it sees something great?
A. "TOADaly Awesome!"

Q. What is grey, has a tail and a trunk?
A. A mouse going on a vacation.

Q. What does a polar bear use to keep his head warm?
A. A polar ice cap.

Q. If the chicken crossed the road to get to the other side, how did the frog cross the road?
A. He tied himself to the chicken.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Amos
Amos who?
Amos quito just bit me, boo hoo!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don't know
To get to your house.
---
Knock, knock
Who's there?
The chicken!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
A parrot
A parrot who?
A parrot who?
Okay, now I get it!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Who
Who who?
I didn't know you were an owl!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrup...
Moooooooo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cows go
Cows go who?
No, cows go moo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Twit
Twit who?
Did anyone else hear an owl?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Owls
Owls who?
That's correct, owls who!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Lionel
Lionel who?
Lionel bite you if you don't watch out!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Three pigs
Three pigs who?
Three pigs who can't reach the doorbell.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Some bunny
Some bunny who?
Some bunny has been eating my carrots!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gorilla
Gorilla who?
Gorilla me a hamburger!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dinosaur
Dinosaur who?
Dinosaurs don't go who, they go ROAR!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Monkey
Monkey who?
Monkey see. Monkey do.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dasum
Dasum who?
Dasum cute dog!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cobra
Cobra who?
Go brush your teeth!!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Kanga
Kanga who?
No, Kangaroo!

Jokes

"Ggggggggggggggggggggggggggg," said the frog.
"You've got a frog in your throat," said the other frog.
 

A guy and his elephant are driving and get pulled over. The policeman says, "You need to take the elephant to the zoo." So the guy took his elephant to the zoo.

The next day, the same policeman pulls over the same guy and elephant. The policeman says, "I told you to take the elephant to the zoo."
The guy says, "I did yesterday, today we are going to a baseball game."
 

LaKesheauna: My dentist put his finger in a lion's mouth to see how many teeth it had.
Latangela: What did the lion do?
LaKesheauna: It closed its mouth to see how many fingers my dentist had.
 

A cat died in a house. The servant started crying badly.
Master: It is only a cat that has died, why are you crying so much?
Servant: Master, when the cat was there I used to drink the milk and put the blame on it. Now on whom will I put the blame?
 

A little boy was in a wedding. Every time he walked 2 steps down the aisle, he would roar. When he finally got to the end of the aisle the people asked what he was doing. The little boy said that he was just being the Ring Bear.
 

Bob: I lost my dog today.
Bill: So put an ad in the paper.
Bob: What good would that do? My dog can't read.
 

Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell Crocodile?
Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L.
Teacher: No, that's wrong.
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
 

Down in the south where coconuts grow, an elephant stepped on a mosquito's toe. The mosquito jumped up with tears in his eyes and said, "Excuse me but you're not my size."
 

Tongue Twister: A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk but the stump thunk the skunk stunk!
 

One day a lady entered a pet shop.
Lady: May I have a rabbit for my daughter?
Storekeeper: Sorry Ma'am, we don't do trades.
 

Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said, "Oh, come on, let's eat the sandwiches."
Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!"
 

One day a big tortoise, a middle sized tortoise and a small tortoise went into a cafe. They ordered three banana splits. While they were waiting they noticed it had begun to rain. "Look at that," said the big tortoise, "we should have brought our umbrella."
"You're right," said the middle tortoise. "Let's send the little one back to get it."
"I'll go," said the little one. "But only if you promise not to eat my banana split."
The big tortoise and the middle tortoise promised.

A few days later the big tortoise said to the middle tortoise, "Come on, let's eat his banana spilt any way."
"All right," said the middle tortoise.
At that moment the little tortoise shouted from the end of the cafe, "You do that and I won't get your umbrella!"
 

Once there was a scientist doing a test on a frog. He told the frog to jump, so it jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "4 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off one of the frog's front legs and said, "Jump." The frog jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "3 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off the frog's other front leg and said, "Jump," and the frog jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "2 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off one of the frog's back legs and said, "Jump," and the frog jumped. So the scientist wrote in his notes, "1 leg jump."

Then the scientist cut off the last leg and said, "Jump," and the frog didn't move. So the scientist said it again, but it still didn't move, so in his notes the scientist wrote, "No legs-goes deaf."
 

There were three pigs and they walked into a restaurant. The waiter said, "What do you want to eat?" The first pig ordered fish and chips the second ordered pizza and the third ordered water.

The waiter came again and said, "What do you want for dessert?" The first pig wanted custard, the second some cake and the third wanted water again. The waiter said, "Why do you always have water?"
The pig replied, "Because one of us has to go wee, wee, wee all the way home!"
 

A man walked into a pub and bought a sandwich, then a panda walked into the pub and stole the sandwich, ate it, shoots the barman and leaves. So the man goes out and says to the panda, "Why did you eat my sandwich, shoot the barman and then just leave?"
The panda says, "Look panda up in the dictionary."
So he looked Panda up and read: Eats shoots and leaves.
 

A newspaper reporter submitted a story about the theft of 2,025 pigs.
His editor, struck at the size of the theft, called the farmer to confirm.
"Is it true that you lost two thousand twenty-five pigs?" he asked.
"Yeth," said the farmer.
The editor thanked him, hung up, and changed the phrase to "two sows and 25 pigs."
 

Mary had a little lamb,
But the lamb started to tease her.
Mary said, "STOP!"
But the lamb refused
So now it's in the freezer.
 

There were 3 cats, The first cat said, "Meow."
Second cat said, "Meow."
Third cat said, "Meow, meow."
The first cat said, "Don't change the subject."
 

A guy named Billie Bob Joe goes to a costume dress party with a girl on his back.

Harold, answering the door: What are you supposed to be?
Billie Bob Joe: A turtle.
Harold: What do you mean?
Billie Bob Joe: The girl on my back is Michelle.
 

An elephant asked an ant, "Please hide me." So the ant replied, "Hide behind me."
 

There was a man who bought a camel. The previous owner told him that to make it walk, say "few," to make it run, say "many" and to make it stop say "amen". So one day the man decided to have a practise ride. He said "few" and the camel started walking, he said "many" and it started running, right towards the edge of a cliff. But the man forgot how to make it stop, so, panicking, he shouted out "Lord save me, Lord save me, Amen" and of course the camel stopped - at the VERY edge. Relieved the man said to himself, "Phew, that was clo-aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
 

The pillow asks the teddy bear, "Do you want an ice cream sundae?" The bear says, "No thanks, I'm stuffed!"
 

One day a duck waddles into a mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no and the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck waddles into the mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no and the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck does the same and once again the clerk says no and adds if you ask me one more time I will nail your webbed feet to the floor. So the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck waddles into the mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any nails?" The clerk says no. "Then got any grapes?"
 

Peter: Mother, why is a snail stronger than an elephant?
Mother: I don't know.
Peter: Because a snail can carry its own home, but an elephant can only carry its own trunk.
 

Three pigs walked into a restaurant and the waiter asked them what they would like to drink. The first pig wanted Coke, the second Sprite and the third wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter came back to ask for the main course and the first pig wanted salad, the second wanted chicken and the third pig wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter came back and asked for their dessert choices. The first pig wanted cake, the second wanted cupcakes and the third pig wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter was curious and asked the third pig, "Why do you want so much water?"
The third little pig smiled and said, "I'm the little pig that goes, wee, wee, wee all the way home"
 

One day, Ah Meng asked Siew Lee, "Why do lions eat raw meat?"
Siew Lee said, "Because they are wild animals?"
Ah Meng said, "Wrong! They eat raw meat because they can't cook!"
 

There were 2 cats looking into a green canary's cage. The first cat said to the second cat, "That's not a canary, it's green!"
The second cat said, "I don't know, maybe it's not ripe yet!"
 

A first grade teacher was telling her students the story of "Chicken Little." She got to the part when Chicken Little ran up to the Farmer saying, "The sky is falling. The sky is falling." Then the teacher paused and asked the kids what they thought the farmer said. One little girl raised her hand and the teacher called on her. The little girl then said, "I think the farmer said Holy cow, a talking chicken!"
 

A man decided to start a chicken farm and brought 24 to get started. A week later he bought another 24 and another 24 the week after that. When his friend asked how his chicken farm was coming along the man replied, "Not one of them has grown yet. I wonder if I'm planting them too deep?"
 

There were two sisters and they had $700 to spend on a bull. So one sister stayed home and looked after the farm while the other went to the auction. The sister brought the bull for $699 so she went to the post office and asked how much it was to send a telegram. It was $1 a word. So she told the man to send the word: Comfortable. (Come-for-the-bull.)
 


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