Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Animal Jokes

We've got lots of funny Animal jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. How do you stop an alligator wriggling in the back of your car?
A. Move it to the front!

Q. What happened to the frog's car when it got stuck?
A. It had to get TOAD away.

Q. Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A. Yes, because the Empire State Building can't jump!

Q. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant?
A. Swimming trunks!

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. Because he was tired of living beside KFC!

Q. Why is getting up in the morning like a pig's tail?
A. It's twirly. (Too early)

Q. Which wolf got lost in the woods?
A. The WHEREwolf.

Q. What's a cat's favourite magazine?
A. A CAT-alogue.

Q. Why was the elephant afraid of the computer store?
A. Because they sold the world's best mice.

Q. What animal is NOT allowed to play in games or contests?
A. Cheetahs (cheaters)

Q. What animal sleeps with its shoes on?
A. A horse.

Q. What did the fish say to the octopus while the octopus was eating?
A. Lend me a tentacle or 8.

Q. What do you call a donkey with 3 legs?
A. A wonkey.

Q. What is white on the outside, green on the inside and hops?
A. A frog sandwich.

Q. What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
A. One is really heavy. The other is a little lighter.

Q. Why did the cow eat the tight rope walker?
A. Because he wanted a balanced meal!

Q. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A. An investiGATOR!

Q. How does a elephant get out of a tree?
A. He climbs on a leaf and waits till autumn!

Q. What money do dogs and cats have?
A. Kitty cash and doggy dollars.

Q. Why is the ocean always grumpy?
A. You'd be grumpy too if you had crabs on your bottom!

Q. What did the judge say when the skunk entered the court?
A. "Odor in the court!"

Q. What do you get when you cross a dog, a goat and an elephant?
A. A dogophant.

Q. What's the difference between a dog and a flea?
A. A dog can have fleas, but a flea can't have dogs.

Q. How does a rabbit throw a tantrum?
A. He gets hopping mad.

Q. Why did the dalmation go to the eye doctor?
A. Because he kept seeing spots.

Q. What do you get when you cross a chicken and a centipede?
A. Drumsticks for everyone!

Q. Why do ducks have webbed feet?
A. To stomp out forest fires.

Q. Why do ducks have webbed feet?
A. To stomp out forest fires.

Q. Why doesn't the elephant use the computer?
A. Because it is afraid of the mouse!

Q. Where do horses go when they are sick?
A. HORSEpital.

Q. What's black, white and blue all over?
A. A cold zebra.

Q. What's a cow's favourite drink?
A. LeMOOnade.

Q. What does a polar bear use to keep his head warm?
A. A polar ice cap.

Q. What do dogs have that other animal don't have?
A. Puppies.

Q. There are 20 birds in a tree. A man comes and shoots one of the birds. How many birds are left?
A. None, because all the birds flew away after hearing the gun shot.

Q. Where won't you find a dog shopping?
A. At the flea market!

Q. What way do the cows like to go?
A. The milky way!

Q. Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant?
A. Because he had a big bill.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To show the possums how it's done.

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. Why did the snake get a detention?
A. Because he was HISSpering!

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher with a tiger?
A. I don't know but you better behave in its class!

Q. What do you call an elephant at the North Pole?
A. Lost.

Q. When was meat so high?
A. When the cow jumped over the moon!

Q. What do you get when you cross a hammock and a dog?
A. A rocker spaniel.

Q. What goes down but never goes up?
A. An elephant in an elevator.

Q. What is a cat's favorite color?
A. PURRple!

Q. What's black and white and red all over?
A. A sunburned zebra!

Q. Where did the boy take his pet pig to?
A. The Ham-usement park!

Q. What do you get if you cross a cow with a smurf?
A. Blue cheese!

Q. What do you call a cow with a twitch?
A. Beef jerky.

Q. How do rabbits travel?
A. By hare planes!

Q. What's a monkey's favorite snack?
A. Chocolate chimp cookies.

Q. What did the elephant do when he hurt his toe?
A. He called a tow truck.

Q. What do a car, tree and an elephant have in common?
A. They all have trunks!

Q. Why was the horse unable to get into the antelopes' music club?
A. He had no horns!

Q. Sam, Lula, Mike, and Kayla all live in a house. Mike and Kayla went out to the movies and when they got back Lula was on the floor dead in a pile of broken glass and water. Sam was on the couch sleeping and didn't know what happened. How did Lula die?
A. Sam is a dog and Lula is a fish. Sam pushed over the fish bowl.

Q. What did the elephant say to her son when he was naughty?
A. "Tusk tusk!"

Q. What do you get if you cross a cow, a sheep and a goat?
A. The Milky Baa-r kid.

Q. What kind of musical instrument do rats play?
A. Mouse organs.

Q. What does a panda ghost eat?
A. Bam-BOO!

Q. What's new at the zoo?
A. A gnu!

Q. Why did the monkey cross the road?
A. Because the chicken retired.

Q. What do you call a pig that gets fired from his job?
A. Canned ham!

Q. What 2 animals have the same last name?
A. The donKEY and the monKEY.

Q. How come a cheetah can't play hide and seek?
A. Because he's already been spotted.

Q. What did the pig put on his rash?
A. OINKment!

Q. Why do elephants have trunks?
A. They'd look pretty stupid with glove compartments.

Q. Why do birds fly south in the winter?
A. Because it's too far to walk!

Q. Why did the goose cross the road?
A. He didn't want to be called a chicken!

Q. Why is a snake lucky?
A. Because you can't pull its leg!

Q. What is black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white and green?
A. Two skunks fighting over a pickle.

Q. Where do you get draggin' milk?
A. From a cow with short legs.

Q. How do you fit four elephants in a red mini?
A. Two in the front and two in the back.

Q. How do you fit four elephants in a red mini?
A. Two in the front and two in the back.

Q. How do you fit four elephants in a red mini?
A. Two in the front and two in the back.

Q. How do you fit four elephants in a red mini?
A. Two in the front and two in the back.

Q. How do you fit four elephants in a red mini?
A. Two in the front and two in the back.

Q. What card game do crocodiles like to play?
A. SNAP!

Q. What do you get if you cross a porcupine and a giraffe?
A. A seven metre long toothbrush!

Q. What's an angry bull's favourite drink?
A. Red Bull.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Amos
Amos who?
Amos quito just bit me, boo hoo!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don't know
To get to your house.
---
Knock, knock
Who's there?
The chicken!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
A parrot
A parrot who?
A parrot who?
Okay, now I get it!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Who
Who who?
I didn't know you were an owl!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrup...
Moooooooo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cows go
Cows go who?
No, cows go moo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Twit
Twit who?
Did anyone else hear an owl?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Owls
Owls who?
That's correct, owls who!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Lionel
Lionel who?
Lionel bite you if you don't watch out!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Three pigs
Three pigs who?
Three pigs who can't reach the doorbell.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Some bunny
Some bunny who?
Some bunny has been eating my carrots!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gorilla
Gorilla who?
Gorilla me a hamburger!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dinosaur
Dinosaur who?
Dinosaurs don't go who, they go ROAR!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Monkey
Monkey who?
Monkey see. Monkey do.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dasum
Dasum who?
Dasum cute dog!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cobra
Cobra who?
Go brush your teeth!!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Kanga
Kanga who?
No, Kangaroo!

Jokes

One day, Ah Meng asked Siew Lee, "Why do lions eat raw meat?"
Siew Lee said, "Because they are wild animals?"
Ah Meng said, "Wrong! They eat raw meat because they can't cook!"
 

A woman walks into a bar and sits down next to a guy near a dog. The woman asks, "Does your dog bite?"
The guy replied,"No."
The woman reached down to pet the dog and it bit her. "I thought you said he didn't bite," she yelled.
"That's not my dog," he yelled!
 

A guy and his elephant are driving and get pulled over. The policeman says, "You need to take the elephant to the zoo." So the guy took his elephant to the zoo.

The next day, the same policeman pulls over the same guy and elephant. The policeman says, "I told you to take the elephant to the zoo."
The guy says, "I did yesterday, today we are going to a baseball game."
 

There's this man, he walks up to this lady's door. The lady answers it. The man says, "I'm terribly sorry. I just ran over your cat. I'd like to replace it." Then the woman says. "How good are you at catching mice?"
 

There were 2 cats looking into a green canary's cage. The first cat said to the second cat, "That's not a canary, it's green!"
The second cat said, "I don't know, maybe it's not ripe yet!"
 

Snake 1: I hope I'm not poisonous.
Snake 2: Why?
Snake 1: Because I just bit my tongue.
 

A man decided to start a chicken farm and brought 24 to get started. A week later he bought another 24 and another 24 the week after that. When his friend asked how his chicken farm was coming along the man replied, "Not one of them has grown yet. I wonder if I'm planting them too deep?"
 

A first grade teacher was telling her students the story of "Chicken Little." She got to the part when Chicken Little ran up to the Farmer saying, "The sky is falling. The sky is falling." Then the teacher paused and asked the kids what they thought the farmer said. One little girl raised her hand and the teacher called on her. The little girl then said, "I think the farmer said Holy cow, a talking chicken!"
 

One day a duck waddles into a mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no and the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck waddles into the mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no and the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck does the same and once again the clerk says no and adds if you ask me one more time I will nail your webbed feet to the floor. So the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck waddles into the mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any nails?" The clerk says no. "Then got any grapes?"
 

"Ggggggggggggggggggggggggggg," said the frog.
"You've got a frog in your throat," said the other frog.
 

Mary had a little lamb,
But the lamb started to tease her.
Mary said, "STOP!"
But the lamb refused
So now it's in the freezer.
 

Policeman: One of your elephants has been seen chasing a man on a bicycle.
Zoo keeper: Nonsense, none of my elephants know how to ride a bicycle.
 

Tongue Twister: A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk but the stump thunk the skunk stunk!
 

One day a big tortoise, a middle sized tortoise and a small tortoise went into a cafe. They ordered three banana splits. While they were waiting they noticed it had begun to rain. "Look at that," said the big tortoise, "we should have brought our umbrella."
"You're right," said the middle tortoise. "Let's send the little one back to get it."
"I'll go," said the little one. "But only if you promise not to eat my banana split."
The big tortoise and the middle tortoise promised.

A few days later the big tortoise said to the middle tortoise, "Come on, let's eat his banana spilt any way."
"All right," said the middle tortoise.
At that moment the little tortoise shouted from the end of the cafe, "You do that and I won't get your umbrella!"
 

There were two sisters and they had $700 to spend on a bull. So one sister stayed home and looked after the farm while the other went to the auction. The sister brought the bull for $699 so she went to the post office and asked how much it was to send a telegram. It was $1 a word. So she told the man to send the word: Comfortable. (Come-for-the-bull.)
 

An elephant asked an ant, "Please hide me." So the ant replied, "Hide behind me."
 

There were three male dogs, a Golden Retriever, a Lab, and Chihuahua, walking down the street. On their walk, they met a beautiful French Poodle. They all ran up to the poodle. The poodle says to the three dogs, "Since you all want to marry me, whoever can say liver and cheese in a complete sentence will get to marry me."
The Golden Retriever says, "I love liver and cheese."
The poodle replied, "How childish"
The Lab says, "I hate liver and cheese."
"You're hopeless," said the poodle.
The Chihuahua says, "Liver alone, cheese mine."
 

When my brother told me to stop impersonating a flamingo I had to put my foot down.
 

Bob: I lost my dog today.
Bill: So put an ad in the paper.
Bob: What good would that do? My dog can't read.
 

A little boy was in a wedding. Every time he walked 2 steps down the aisle, he would roar. When he finally got to the end of the aisle the people asked what he was doing. The little boy said that he was just being the Ring Bear.
 

A horse walked into the bar and the bartender said, "Why the long face?"
 

If pigs could fly, imagine what their wings would taste like!
 

A man walked into a pub and bought a sandwich, then a panda walked into the pub and stole the sandwich, ate it, shoots the barman and leaves. So the man goes out and says to the panda, "Why did you eat my sandwich, shoot the barman and then just leave?"
The panda says, "Look panda up in the dictionary."
So he looked Panda up and read: Eats shoots and leaves.
 

Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell Crocodile?
Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L.
Teacher: No, that's wrong.
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
 

Teacher: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Clyde: No, sir. It's the same dog.
 

A cat died in a house. The servant started crying badly.
Master: It is only a cat that has died, why are you crying so much?
Servant: Master, when the cat was there I used to drink the milk and put the blame on it. Now on whom will I put the blame?
 

The pillow asks the teddy bear, "Do you want an ice cream sundae?" The bear says, "No thanks, I'm stuffed!"
 

A newspaper reporter submitted a story about the theft of 2,025 pigs.
His editor, struck at the size of the theft, called the farmer to confirm.
"Is it true that you lost two thousand twenty-five pigs?" he asked.
"Yeth," said the farmer.
The editor thanked him, hung up, and changed the phrase to "two sows and 25 pigs."
 

LaKesheauna: My dentist put his finger in a lion's mouth to see how many teeth it had.
Latangela: What did the lion do?
LaKesheauna: It closed its mouth to see how many fingers my dentist had.
 

Three pigs walked into a restaurant and the waiter asked them what they would like to drink. The first pig wanted Coke, the second Sprite and the third wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter came back to ask for the main course and the first pig wanted salad, the second wanted chicken and the third pig wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter came back and asked for their dessert choices. The first pig wanted cake, the second wanted cupcakes and the third pig wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter was curious and asked the third pig, "Why do you want so much water?"
The third little pig smiled and said, "I'm the little pig that goes, wee, wee, wee all the way home"
 


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