Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Animal Jokes

We've got lots of funny Animal jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What did the cat say when he fell off the table?
A. "Me ow!"

Q. Why don't you see penguins in Britian?
A. They're afraid of Wales!

Q. What do you call an angry polar bear?
A. Nothing, just run.

Q. There are 2 cats, one is French and the other English. The French cat's name was Un Deux Trois and the English cat's name was One Two Three. Both cats think they're better than the other. To determine this they have a swimming contest. Which cat wins and why?
A. The English cat, because Un Deux Trois Quatre Cinq! (Un Deux Trois cat sank)

Q. What do you call a sleeping bull?
A. A BULL-dozer.

Q. Why did the baby chick cross the road?
A. It was take-your-child-to-work day.

Q. Why doesn't the elephant use the computer?
A. Because it is afraid of the mouse!

Q. How does a rabbit throw a tantrum?
A. He gets hopping mad.

Q. What does a chicken have in common with a band?
A. Drumsticks.

Q. What is the same size as a elephant, yet weighs nothing?
A. An elephant's shadow!

Q. What way do the cows like to go?
A. The milky way!

Q. Why did the young cat get arrested ?
A. For his litter!

Q. What do mice feel like when they come out of the shower?
A. Squeaky clean!

Q. What does a frog eat with his hamburger?
A. French Flies!

Q. How do you stop a rhino from charging?
A. Take away its credit card.

Q. What's an angry bull's favourite drink?
A. Red Bull.

Q. How do you make a swordfish like the library?
A. Take away the S in its name!

Q. What do you call a chimp that likes to eat potato chips?
A. A chip-monk!

Q. What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A. A milkshake!

Q. Why did the hot dog wear a sweater?
A. Because it was a chili dog!

Q. What do you call a cow with a twitch?
A. Beef jerky.

Q. What is a cow's favorite ice cream?
A. MOOnila!

Q. What do you call a bunny with fleas?
A. Bugs Bunny.

Q. You are trapped in a room and there are 3 doors. Each door has something behind it. The first door has two hungry lions that have not eaten in four years. The second door has electric lasers all across the room. The third has three ninjas ready to attack. Which door would you pick to go through?
A. The first because the lions would be dead if they have not eaten for 4 years!

Q. What do you call a blind dinosaur?
A. Doyouthinkhesarus?

Q. What bird can write?
A. PENguin!

Q. What is a cow's favourite drink?
A. MOO Juice.

Q. What did the spider do when he went on his computer?
A. He went on his web site!

Q. What do a tree and an elephant have in common?
A. A trunk.

Q. What are a shark's favorite games?
A. Swallow the Leader and Go Fish!

Q. What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A. What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?

Q. Why do you never ask a dinosaur to read you a story?
A. Because their tales are so long.

Q. What sort of appliance does a monkey use?
A. A gorilla. (A griller)

Q. What do you call a dark colored horse that really scares you?
A. A nightMARE!

Q. What keys can make you laugh?
A. Monkeys!

Q. A skunk, a frog and a duck wanted to go to the movies. The movies cost a dollar, which animal got to go?
A. The frog because it was the only one with a greenback.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To get to the other side.

Q. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a parrot?
A. An animal that tells you everything it remembers!

Knock Knock Jokes continue below video…

Q. Why did the dinosaur wear a bandage?
A. Because he had a dino-SORE!

Q. Why did the cow want some cheese?
A. Because it's MOOlicious!

Q. What do you call a kangaroo that sneezes alot?
A. A kanga-choo.

Q. What is the best way to catch a squirrel?
A. Act like a nut.

Q. How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?
A. You open the door and put the elephant in and then close the door.

Q. How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?
A. You open the door and put the elephant in and then close the door.

Q. How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?
A. You open the door and put the elephant in and then close the door.

Q. How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?
A. You open the door and put the elephant in and then close the door.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. Because she was getting tired of just standing there!

Q. A duck, a cat and a cow went out to dinner, who had to pay?
A. The duck. He was the only one with a bill.

Q. What do you call a bear who forgot his socks?
A. BEARfooted.

Q. If a very small fish married a young dog, what would their baby be called?
A. A guppy puppy.

Q. What three animals have keys?
A. Donkeys, monkeys, and turkeys!

Q. What's black, white and blue all over?
A. A cold zebra.

Q. Where did the boy take his pet pig to?
A. The Ham-usement park!

Q. Why do ducks have webbed feet?
A. To stomp out forest fires.

Q. Why do ducks have webbed feet?
A. To stomp out forest fires.

Q. Why do elephants have trunks?
A. They'd look pretty stupid with glove compartments.

Q. What kind of explosions do dinosaurs like?
A. DINOmite!

Q. Why did the elephant paint his fingernails red?
A. So he could hide in a bowl of cherries.

Q. What did the cow say to the other cow?
A. "MOOve over!"

Q. There is a horse tied to a rope five yards long. Ten yards away there is hay. The horse is eating the hay, how did he get there?
A. The rope isn't tied to anything.

Q. Why did the gum cross the road?
A. It was stuck to the chicken's foot.

Q. What do you get when you cross an octagon with a cat?
A. An octopus.

Q. What does the lion say to his friends before a hunt?
A. "Let us prey."

Q. How do you get fat free milk?
A. From a skinny cow!

Q. What time is it when an elephant sits in a chair?
A. Time to buy a new chair!

Q. How did the dog get splinters in his tongue?
A. He ate table scraps.

Q. There are 10 cats in a boat. One cat jumped out of the boat. How many cats were left?
A. None, they were all copycats.

Q. Who was the first deer in space?
A. Buck Rogers.

Q. Why does a Koala carry its baby on its back?
A. Because they can't push a pram up a tree!

Q. Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A. Yes, because the Empire State Building can't jump!

Q. Where do fish keep their money?
A. In the riverbank.

Q. How did the sheep get red cheeks?
A. It was MAAHD!

Q. Why was the walrus late for the party?
A. His iceberg ran into a ship!

Q. One cow is talking to another cow and looks away for 10 seconds and the other cow is gone. Where is the other cow?
A. Over the moon!

Q. Why did the cow pack his bags?
A. Because he was MOOving!

Q. What is a pampered cow?
A. Spoiled milk.

Q. Why did the cow do jumping jacks?
A. Because he wanted a milkshake!

Q. What kind of musical instrument do rats play?
A. Mouse organs.

Q. Where do horses go when they are sick?
A. HORSEpital.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Amos
Amos who?
Amos quito just bit me, boo hoo!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don't know
To get to your house.
---
Knock, knock
Who's there?
The chicken!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
A parrot
A parrot who?
A parrot who?
Okay, now I get it!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Who
Who who?
I didn't know you were an owl!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrup...
Moooooooo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cows go
Cows go who?
No, cows go moo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Twit
Twit who?
Did anyone else hear an owl?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Owls
Owls who?
That's correct, owls who!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Lionel
Lionel who?
Lionel bite you if you don't watch out!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Three pigs
Three pigs who?
Three pigs who can't reach the doorbell.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Some bunny
Some bunny who?
Some bunny has been eating my carrots!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gorilla
Gorilla who?
Gorilla me a hamburger!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dinosaur
Dinosaur who?
Dinosaurs don't go who, they go ROAR!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Monkey
Monkey who?
Monkey see. Monkey do.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dasum
Dasum who?
Dasum cute dog!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cobra
Cobra who?
Go brush your teeth!!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Kanga
Kanga who?
No, Kangaroo!

Jokes

There were two cows standing in a field talking to each other. They were talking about Mr. Brown's cows having Mad Cow Disease, when one of the cows said, "It's a good thing we're chickens."
 

An elephant asked an ant, "Please hide me." So the ant replied, "Hide behind me."
 

There were three pigs and they walked into a restaurant. The waiter said, "What do you want to eat?" The first pig ordered fish and chips the second ordered pizza and the third ordered water.

The waiter came again and said, "What do you want for dessert?" The first pig wanted custard, the second some cake and the third wanted water again. The waiter said, "Why do you always have water?"
The pig replied, "Because one of us has to go wee, wee, wee all the way home!"
 

If pigs could fly, imagine what their wings would taste like!
 

A first grade teacher was telling her students the story of "Chicken Little." She got to the part when Chicken Little ran up to the Farmer saying, "The sky is falling. The sky is falling." Then the teacher paused and asked the kids what they thought the farmer said. One little girl raised her hand and the teacher called on her. The little girl then said, "I think the farmer said Holy cow, a talking chicken!"
 

Mary had a little lamb,
But the lamb started to tease her.
Mary said, "STOP!"
But the lamb refused
So now it's in the freezer.
 

A guy named Billie Bob Joe goes to a costume dress party with a girl on his back.

Harold, answering the door: What are you supposed to be?
Billie Bob Joe: A turtle.
Harold: What do you mean?
Billie Bob Joe: The girl on my back is Michelle.
 

There was a man and he was walking a lion on the side of the street when a policeman came and said, "Sir please don't walk your lion on the side of the street because its very dangerous. Why don't you take him to the zoo?!"
The man agreed with him and took his lion to the zoo.

The next day the policeman saw the man walking his lion again and told him the same thing but the man said, "I already took him to the zoo and he liked it a lot, now I'm going to take him to the movies."
 

Once there was a scientist doing a test on a frog. He told the frog to jump, so it jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "4 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off one of the frog's front legs and said, "Jump." The frog jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "3 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off the frog's other front leg and said, "Jump," and the frog jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "2 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off one of the frog's back legs and said, "Jump," and the frog jumped. So the scientist wrote in his notes, "1 leg jump."

Then the scientist cut off the last leg and said, "Jump," and the frog didn't move. So the scientist said it again, but it still didn't move, so in his notes the scientist wrote, "No legs-goes deaf."
 

One day a big tortoise, a middle sized tortoise and a small tortoise went into a cafe. They ordered three banana splits. While they were waiting they noticed it had begun to rain. "Look at that," said the big tortoise, "we should have brought our umbrella."
"You're right," said the middle tortoise. "Let's send the little one back to get it."
"I'll go," said the little one. "But only if you promise not to eat my banana split."
The big tortoise and the middle tortoise promised.

A few days later the big tortoise said to the middle tortoise, "Come on, let's eat his banana spilt any way."
"All right," said the middle tortoise.
At that moment the little tortoise shouted from the end of the cafe, "You do that and I won't get your umbrella!"
 

One day a lady entered a pet shop.
Lady: May I have a rabbit for my daughter?
Storekeeper: Sorry Ma'am, we don't do trades.
 

A newspaper reporter submitted a story about the theft of 2,025 pigs.
His editor, struck at the size of the theft, called the farmer to confirm.
"Is it true that you lost two thousand twenty-five pigs?" he asked.
"Yeth," said the farmer.
The editor thanked him, hung up, and changed the phrase to "two sows and 25 pigs."
 

Down in the south where coconuts grow, an elephant stepped on a mosquito's toe. The mosquito jumped up with tears in his eyes and said, "Excuse me but you're not my size."
 

Snake 1: I hope I'm not poisonous.
Snake 2: Why?
Snake 1: Because I just bit my tongue.
 

When my brother told me to stop impersonating a flamingo I had to put my foot down.
 

One day a duck waddles into a mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no and the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck waddles into the mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no and the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck does the same and once again the clerk says no and adds if you ask me one more time I will nail your webbed feet to the floor. So the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck waddles into the mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any nails?" The clerk says no. "Then got any grapes?"
 

Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said, "Oh, come on, let's eat the sandwiches."
Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!"
 

A horse walked into the bar and the bartender said, "Why the long face?"
 

A woman walks into a bar and sits down next to a guy near a dog. The woman asks, "Does your dog bite?"
The guy replied,"No."
The woman reached down to pet the dog and it bit her. "I thought you said he didn't bite," she yelled.
"That's not my dog," he yelled!
 

There were 2 cats looking into a green canary's cage. The first cat said to the second cat, "That's not a canary, it's green!"
The second cat said, "I don't know, maybe it's not ripe yet!"
 

A man decided to start a chicken farm and brought 24 to get started. A week later he bought another 24 and another 24 the week after that. When his friend asked how his chicken farm was coming along the man replied, "Not one of them has grown yet. I wonder if I'm planting them too deep?"
 

Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell Crocodile?
Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L.
Teacher: No, that's wrong.
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
 

Tongue Twister: A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk but the stump thunk the skunk stunk!
 

There were two sisters and they had $700 to spend on a bull. So one sister stayed home and looked after the farm while the other went to the auction. The sister brought the bull for $699 so she went to the post office and asked how much it was to send a telegram. It was $1 a word. So she told the man to send the word: Comfortable. (Come-for-the-bull.)
 

There were three male dogs, a Golden Retriever, a Lab, and Chihuahua, walking down the street. On their walk, they met a beautiful French Poodle. They all ran up to the poodle. The poodle says to the three dogs, "Since you all want to marry me, whoever can say liver and cheese in a complete sentence will get to marry me."
The Golden Retriever says, "I love liver and cheese."
The poodle replied, "How childish"
The Lab says, "I hate liver and cheese."
"You're hopeless," said the poodle.
The Chihuahua says, "Liver alone, cheese mine."
 

Two turtles were walking across the road, when suddenly a bright red car came racing around the corner and straight for them, one said to the other, "RUN!"
 

Bob: I lost my dog today.
Bill: So put an ad in the paper.
Bob: What good would that do? My dog can't read.
 

There was a man who bought a camel. The previous owner told him that to make it walk, say "few," to make it run, say "many" and to make it stop say "amen". So one day the man decided to have a practise ride. He said "few" and the camel started walking, he said "many" and it started running, right towards the edge of a cliff. But the man forgot how to make it stop, so, panicking, he shouted out "Lord save me, Lord save me, Amen" and of course the camel stopped - at the VERY edge. Relieved the man said to himself, "Phew, that was clo-aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
 

Peter: Mother, why is a snail stronger than an elephant?
Mother: I don't know.
Peter: Because a snail can carry its own home, but an elephant can only carry its own trunk.
 

There were 3 cats, The first cat said, "Meow."
Second cat said, "Meow."
Third cat said, "Meow, meow."
The first cat said, "Don't change the subject."
 


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