Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Animal Jokes

We've got lots of funny Animal jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What's brown and blue and swings through the jungle?
A. A monkey wearing a denim jacket!

Q. What is the cat's favorite button on the remote?
A. Paws.

Q. Why was the little bird punished?
A. It was caught peeping in school.

Q. What do you call a pig that does karate?
A. Pork Chop!

Q. How did the cow get through the crowd?
A. He shouted MOOve!

Q. What do you get when an elephant sky dives?
A. A big hole.

Q. What does the lion say to his friends before a hunt?
A. "Let us prey."

Q. Who was the first deer in space?
A. Buck Rogers.

Q. What's black, white and blue all over?
A. A cold zebra.

Q. What did the judge say when the skunk entered the court?
A. "Odor in the court!"

Q. Why did the farmer let his cows eat the tall grass?
A. Because it needed to get moooed! (Mowed)

Q. What do you call it when a dinosaur crashes his car?
A. A Tyrannosaurus WRECK!

Q. Where do sheep get their hair cut?
A. At the bah bah shop.

Q. Why is getting up in the morning like a pig's tail?
A. It's twirly. (Too early)

Q. What animal is good with tools?
A. Hammer-head shark!

Q. Where did the cow go on a holiday?
A. MOO York.

Q. What has 6 legs, 4 eyes, 4 ears, 2 noses, 2 mouths and 2 heads?
A. A man sitting on a horse.

Q. What do you get when you cross a bird, a car, and a dog?
A. A flying carpet.

Q. What's a cat's favourite magazine?
A. A CAT-alogue.

Q. What do you need if you see a kangaroo 20 miles away?
A. I don't know, but you sure don't need glasses.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Kanga
Kanga who?
No, Kangaroo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dasum
Dasum who?
Dasum cute dog!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrup...
Moooooooo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cows go
Cows go who?
No, cows go moo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Who
Who who?
I didn't know you were an owl!

Jokes

An elephant asked an ant, "Please hide me." So the ant replied, "Hide behind me."
 

A newspaper reporter submitted a story about the theft of 2,025 pigs. His editor, struck at the size of the theft, called the farmer to confirm. "Is it true that you lost two thousand twenty-five pigs?" he asked. "Yeth," said the farmer. The editor thanked him, hung up, and changed the phrase to "two sows and 25 pigs."
 

There were three pigs and they walked into a restaurant. The waiter said, "What do you want to eat?" The first pig ordered fish and chips the second ordered pizza and the third ordered water. The waiter came again and said, "What do you want for dessert?" The first pig wanted custard, the second some cake and the third wanted water again. The waiter said, "Why do you always have water?" The pig replied, "Because one of us has to go wee, wee, wee all the way home!"
 

A man decided to start a chicken farm and brought 24 to get started. A week later he bought another 24 and another 24 the week after that. When his friend asked how his chicken farm was coming along the man replied, "Not one of them has grown yet. I wonder if I'm planting them too deep?"
 

Down in the south where coconuts grow, an elephant stepped on a mosquito's toe. The mosquito jumped up with tears in his eyes and said, "Excuse me but you're not my size."
 

There was a man who bought a camel. The previous owner told him that to make it walk, say "few," to make it run, say "many" and to make it stop say "amen". So one day the man decided to have a practise ride. He said "few" and the camel started walking, he said "many" and it started running, right towards the edge of a cliff. But the man forgot how to make it stop, so, panicking, he shouted out "Lord save me, Lord save me, Amen" and of course the camel stopped - at the VERY edge. Relieved the man said to himself, "Phew, that was clo-aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
 

A mother snake bought a gift for her son's birthday. The son was so thrilled he hissed, "Mommy! Help me open it. I'm crawling out of my skin with excitement!"
 

Once there was a scientist doing a test on a frog. He told the frog to jump, so it jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "4 legs-jumps." Then the scientist cut off one of the frog's front legs and said, "Jump." The frog jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "3 legs-jumps." Then the scientist cut off the frog's other front leg and said, "Jump," and the frog jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "2 legs-jumps." Then the scientist cut off one of the frog's back legs and said, "Jump," and the frog jumped. So the scientist wrote in his notes, "1 leg jump." Then the scientist cut off the last leg and said, "Jump," and the frog didn't move. So the scientist said it again, but it still didn't move, so in his notes the scientist wrote, "No legs-goes deaf."
 

One day a big tortoise, a middle sized tortoise and a small tortoise went into a cafe. They ordered three banana splits. While they were waiting they noticed it had begun to rain. "Look at that," said the big tortoise, "we should have brought our umbrella." "You're right," said the middle tortoise. "Let's send the little one back to get it." "I'll go," said the little one. "But only if you promise not to eat my banana split." The big tortoise and the middle tortoise promised. A few days later the big tortoise said to the middle tortoise, "Come on, let's eat his banana spilt any way." "All right," said the middle tortoise. At that moment the little tortoise shouted from the end of the cafe, "You do that and I won't get your umbrella!"
 

A guy and his elephant are driving and get pulled over. The policeman says, "You need to take the elephant to the zoo." So the guy took his elephant to the zoo. The next day, the same policeman pulls over the same guy and elephant. The policeman says, "I told you to take the elephant to the zoo." The guy says, "I did yesterday, today we are going to a baseball game."
 


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