Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Jokes

We've got lots of funny jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. How do you know a snowman crawled into bed with you?
A. You wake up wet and there's a carrot on your pillow!

Q. How do you make cool music?
A. Put your CD's in the fridge.

Q. What dog can jump higher than a building?
A. Any dog because buildings can't jump.

Q. Why did the man go off the cliff with his truck?
A. He wanted to test his air brakes.

Q. What is the cat's favorite button on the remote?
A. Paws.

Q. What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
A. A synonym roll.

Q. Where do pencils come from?
A. Pennsylvania.

Q. What do you get if you cross some bubble bath and a famous detective?
A. Sherlock Foams.

Q. What happened to the shark when he ate too many keys?
A. He turned into the Lock-ness monster.

Q. What's red and white, red and white, red and white?
A. Santa Claus rolling down the hill.

Q. If chickens get up when the rooster crows, when do ducks get up?
A. At the quack of dawn!

Q. Why does Waldo wear stripes?
A. Because he doesn't want to be spotted!

Q. What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?
A. I don't know and I don't care.

Q. What do you give an alien?
A. Some space!

Q. What did the cab driver wear to the ball?
A. A TAXIdo!

Q. What does a French cow say?
A. "Moo Lala!"

Q. What goes around and around but never gets dizzy?
A. Earth.

Q. What do eskimos call their cows?
A. Eski-MOOS.

Q. Why did the kid run to school?
A. Because he was chased by the spelling bee.

Q. What begins and ends with e but only has one letter?
A. An envelope.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Wiener.
Wiener. who?
Wiener you going to get here?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Spell
Spell who?
W-H-O!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gobble gobble
Gobble gobble who?
Gobble, gobble your Thanksgiving turkey!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Shh
Shh who?
Shh yourself. I'm trying to watch a movie!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Atch
Atch who?
Hold on, I have to sneeze!

Jokes

Boss: Where were you born? Sardarji: India. Boss: Which part? Sardarji: What do you mean which part? My whole body was born in India!
 

Mother: Swimming makes you slim and trim. Son: I don't think that's true. Mother: Why? Son: Look at the ducks, they are fat and stout!
 

Once there were two chocolate bunnies and one had their ear bit off. One said, "Happy Easter." "Huh?" Said the other.
 

Patient: Doctor, doctor. I feel invisible. Doctor: What? What? Who said that?
 

Milkman: Are you sure you want 50 quarts of milk? Woman: Yes, my doctor told me to take a bath of milk. Milkman: Would you like it pasteurized? Woman: No, just up to my neck please.
 

Jessica: There's a guy that has a wooden leg named Smith. Amber: What's the name of his other leg?
 

England may not have a kidney bank but at least it has a Liverpool.
 

A little boy stops in front of a church with his bike and he sees the priest come out. The priest says, "Come inside, I want to show you something." The little boy says to the priest, "But somebody will steal my bike." The priest says to him, "Don't worry, the Holy Spirit will watch it." So the little boy goes inside and the priest says, "Let me show you how to do the sign of the cross. In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, Amen. Now, you try it." So the boy says, "In the name of the Father and the Son, Amen." The priest asks, "What happened to the Holy Spirit?" The boy replied "He's outside, watching my bike."
 

Patient: Doctor, Doctor. I keep seeing in to the future. Doctor: When did this start? Patient: Next Tuesday.
 

Patron: Waiter, what's this Praying Mantis doing in my soup? Waiter: Saying grace.
 


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