Squigly Jokes and Riddles

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School Jokes for Kids

Funny back to school jokes and riddles for kids, by kids!

Read our collection of hilarious school jokes for kids! All our jokes and riddles have been screened to ensure they are appropriate for children. Share them with your kids and friends. Did you know that riddles promote creative thinking in children? Why not memorize a few and share them at home, on the go or in the classroom. Back to school jokes and riddles for kids by kids.

Read our collection of funny jokes, riddles and knock knock jokes! Many of these jokes have been submitted by kids visiting our playhouse. We know these jokes will make you and your kids laugh out loud! :D

Riddles

Q. Why is 2+2=5 like your left foot?
A. It's not right.

Q. What kind of teacher passes gas?
A. A tutor!

Q. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
A. Because her students were bright!

Q. Where do birds go to school?
A. High school.

Q. What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A. The teacher says throw out that gum and a train says chew, chew!

Q. Who invented King Arthur's round table?
A. Sir Cumference!

Q. Why was the math book unhappy?
A. Because he had too many problems!

Q. Why was the little bird punished?
A. It was caught peeping in school.

Q. What's the best place to grow flowers in school?
A. In kindergarden.

Q. Why did the children eat their homework?
A. Because their teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Q. What is yellow on the outside and gray on the inside?
A. A school bus full of elephants!

Q. Why did the students study in the aeroplane?
A. Because they wanted higher grades.

Q. Why did the new boy steal a chair from the classroom?
A. Because the teacher told him to take a seat.

Q. Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
A. To reach the high notes!

Q. Why did the teacher draw on the window?
A. Because he wanted his lesson to be very clear!

Q. Why didn't the class clown use hair oil the day before the big test?
A. Because he didn't want anything to slip his mind.

Q. What school teaches you to greet people?
A. High school.

Q. Why was the music teacher not able to open his class room?
A. Because his keys were on the piano.

Q. What do you do with dead elements?
A. Barium!

Q. What school subject is a witch good at?
A. Spelling.

Q. Why did the student bring scissors to class?
A. He wanted to cut class!

Q. What is a math teacher's favourite dessert?
A. Pi!

Q. What did the cross eyed teacher say to the principal?
A. "I can't control my pupils!"

Q. What did the bully have for lunch?
A. He had a knuckle sandwich!

Q. What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
A. Pick them up and roll them back to her!

Q. Why did the girl take a ladder to school?
A. Because she thought it was a high school.

Q. Which bet can't be won?
A. Alphabet.

Q. What do ducks use for math?
A. A QUACK-ulator !

Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. "I've got a lot of problems."

Q. What is white when dirty and black when clean?
A. A blackboard.

Q. What do you call a boy with a dictionary in his pocket?
A. Smartie Pants!

Q. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
A. "Watch the board and I'll go through it again."

Q. Why was the broom late for school?
A. He over swept.

Q. What did the student say to the math worksheet?
A. I'm not a therapist, solve your own problems!

Q. What can you call a math teacher?
A. A ruler.

Q. Why is arithmetic hard work?
A. All those numerals you have to carry.

Q. Why did the Cyclops close his school?
A. Because he only had one pupil.

Q. Which building has the most stories?
A. Library!

Riddles continue below video…

Q. Why did the kid run to school?
A. Because he was chased by the spelling bee.

Q. Why do teachers give you homework?
A. Just to annoy you.

Q. What's the worst thing that can happen to a geography teacher?
A. Getting lost.

Q. Why is history the sweetest lesson?
A. Because it is full of dates.

Q. What's the difference between a train and a teacher?
A. The teacher says, "Spit your gum out" and the train says, "Choo-choo!"

Q. What did the scientist say to the hydrogen atom that claimed it lost an electron?
A. "Are you positive?"

Q. Why did the square and triangle go to the gym?
A. To stay in shape!

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. How many sides does a circle have?
A. Two, inside and out.

Q. What happened when the teacher tied all the kids shoe laces together?
A. They had a class trip!

Q. Why did the jellybean go to school?
A. To become a smartie!

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Q. What do you call a square that's been in an accident?
A. A WRECKtangle.

Q. What tools do you need for math?
A. MultiPLIERS.

Q. Why doesn't the sun go to college?
A. Because it has a million degrees!

Q. Why can't you do a math test in the jungle?
A. There are too many cheetahs!

Q. What object is king of the classroom?
A. The ruler!

Q. Why did the pencil cross the road first?
A. He was the LEADer!

Q. Why did the teacher go to the beach?
A. To test the water.

Q. Where did the pencil go for vacation?
A. To Pennsylvania.

Q. If I did this equation, 23x45+27x99= What answer would I get?
A. A very big number!

Q. Why did the student drown?
A. All her grades were below C-level!

Q. Why do mathematicians like airlines?
A. They use Pi-lots.

Q. What do you need to go to high school?
A. A ladder.

Q. Why did Daniel go to the top of the school?
A. Because he wanted to go to high school.

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher with a tiger?
A. I don't know but you better behave in its class!

Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.

Q. What did the glue say to the teacher?
A. "I'm stuck on you."

Q. Why did Goofy take a ladder to school?
A. Because he wanted to get to high school.

Q. Where do New York City kids learn their multiplication tables?
A. Times Square.

Q. Why did the snake get a detention?
A. Because he was HISSpering!

Q. How many letters are in the alphabet?
A. 11, T-H-E A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

Q. Why was the voice teacher so good at baseball?
A. Because she had the perfect pitch.

Q. What did the calculator say to the other calculator?
A. "You can count on me!"

Q. Where do pencils come from?
A. Pennsylvania.

Q. Why did the boy study on an airplane?
A. He wanted to get a higher education.

Q. What is a snake's favourite subject?
A. HISStory!

Knock Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad we are out of school?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad there is no school on Saturday?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Broken pencil
Broken pencil who?
Oh, never mind it's pointless!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Justin
Justin who?
Just in time for school!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Canoe
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?

Jokes

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When Dad came home he was astonished to see Alec sitting on a horse writing something. "What on earth are you doing up there?" Dad asked.
"Well the teacher told us to write an essay on our favourite animal. That's why I'm up here and sitting on the goldfish bowl!"
 

Student: The brain is a wonderful thing.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Student: Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you get asked a question in class!
 

A boy came home from school. "How much did you learn in school today?" His mother asked.
"Not enough, I have to go back again tomorrow."
 

A teacher once asked a boy, "Where is the Dead Sea?"
The boy replied, "Miss, I never knew it was sick."
 

Principal: Well, Ronald, I hear you missed the first day back to school.
Ronald: Yeah, but I didn't miss it very much.
 

Teacher: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
Simon: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
 

Teacher: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
Donald: H I J K L M N O.
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Donald: Yesterday you said it was H to O.
 

Teacher: Joe, can you name two pronouns?
Joe just waking up: Who, me?
 

Teacher: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say "I am beautiful," which tense is it?
Student: Obviously it is the past tense.
 

A teacher said to a student could you count to ten for me. This is what the kid said: "1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 10."
The teacher asked, "Where is 9."
"7 ate 9," said the student matter-of-factly.
 

Headmaster: I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all your teachers. What have you been doing?
Johnny: Nothing, sir.
Headmaster: Exactly.
 

A teacher said, "Children, stand in a straight circle!"
 

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an I. Always put 'am' after an I.
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
 

Teacher: Fred, the story you handed in called "Our Dog," is exactly like your brother's.
Fred: Of course. It's the same dog.
 

Shelly: Our teacher is a peach.
Kelly: You mean she is really nice?
Shelly: No, she has a heart of stone.
 

Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: No. I was standing on it.
 

Teacher: Give me a sentence with the word "fascinate" in it.
Student: If I had a sweater with ten buttons and two fell off, then I would only have to fascinate (fasten eight)!
 

Once there was a boy who needed to do his home work. His homework was to write down his family's favourite words.
So when he got home he asked his mom who was listening to the radio, "What is your favourite word mom?"
"Shut up!" So he wrote that down.
Then he went to his dad who was watching football and his favourite team had just scored a goal, so the little boy asked his dad,"What is your favourite word dad?"
"Yeah!" So he wrote that down.
Next he went to his big sister and he asked her, "What is your favourite word?"
She was listening to her favourite CD and said, "A lollipop, a lollipop, a lollipop." So he wrote that down.
Next he went to his brother. He was watching the end of Batman, he asked him, "What is your favourite word?"
"Nananananananana Batman!" so he wrote that down.
Then he went to his baby sister who was playing with her cars. So he asked her, "What is your favourite word?"
"Voom, voom car, a voom, voom car." So he wrote that down.
The next day at school, the teacher asked him to share his homework with the class
He said, "Shut up!"
The teacher said, "Do you want to go to the principal's office?"
"Yeah!"
"What do you think you deserve?"
"A lollipop, a lollipop, a lollipop."
"Who do you think you are?"
"Nananananananana Batman!"
"What do you think you are going to get away with?"
"Voom, voom car, a voom, voom car."
 

"Explain the theory of expansion and contraction," the teacher asked one of the pupils.
"A substance expands when it is heated and contracts when it is cooled."
"No wonder we have a long vacation in summer and a short one in winter," remarked another pupil.
 

Joey: Little Joey can't come to school today.
Principal: Why?
Joey: He is sick
Principal: Who is this?
Joey: It's my dad.
 

Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your dad for another, how much would you have?
Boy: One dollar.
Teacher: Are you sure?
Boy: Yes, my dad wouldn't give me a dollar!
 

Teacher: Mark can you tell me what you would like to be in the future?
Mark: I'd like to be a billionaire and be famous.
Teacher: Interesting, what about you Esther.
Esther: I'd like to be Mark's wife!
 

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the classroom. The teacher asked why are you arguing. One of the boys said, "We found a $10 bill and decided to give it to the person who tells the biggest lie."
The teacher said, "You should be ashamed of yourselves. When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie meant."
The two boys gave the $10 bill to the teacher.
 

Teacher: Order children, order!
Student 1: I want a burger!
Student 2: I want chocolate ice cream!
Student 3: I want Lasagne!
Teacher: Sheesh!
Students: (laughing) Sorry!!!
 

A small boy is asked to find out what the first 4 letters of the alphabet are for his homework.
"Mum, what's the first letter of the alphabet?"
"Shut up and go away," she replied.
The boy went to his dad. "Dad, what's the second letter of the alphabet?"
"YYYYEEEAAAHHH!!!" The boy's dad roared; football was on the TV and his team had scored.
"Brother, what is the third letter of the alphabet?" The boy asked his brother, who was playing with his action men.
"Action Man, the greatest hero of them all!" He cried.
"Sister, what is the fourth letter of the alphabet?" The boy's sister was playing with her Barbie dolls.
"Drive away in the Barbie car, beep, beep!" The boy's sister sang.

The next day in school the teacher asked the boy what the first letter was.
"Shut up and go away!" He replied.
"Do you want to see the head teacher?" Teacher yells.
"YEAH!!"
The boy is sent to the head teacher.
"Who do you think you are?" The headmaster shouts in his face.
"Action Man, the greatest hero of them all!"
"How do you think you're going to get away with this?"
"Drive away in the Barbie car, beep, beep!"
 

A teacher asked a boy a question after she had read her lesson. The boy just held his ears and shut his mouth
"Why are you not giving me any answer?"
"Because what ever you taught me goes in my ears and if I open my mouth, I will forget everything you said."
 

A teacher asked a girl, "How was the Red Sea formed?"
The girl said, "Sorry Miss, I don't know who painted it."
 

Teacher: How many seconds in a minute?
Student: 60
Teacher: How many minutes in an hour?
Student: 60
Teacher: Good, now for a hard one, how many seconds in a year?
Student: 12
Teacher: 12?
Student: Yes, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd...
 

Dad: Why is your test score so low?
Girl: Because of absence.
Dad: You were absent?
Girl: No, the girl next to me was.
 

Teacher: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
Glen: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
 

... more Back to School fun.

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