Squigly Jokes and Riddles

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School Jokes for Kids

Funny back to school jokes and riddles for kids, by kids!

Read our collection of hilarious school jokes for kids! All our jokes and riddles have been screened to ensure they are appropriate for children. Share them with your kids and friends. Did you know that riddles promote creative thinking in children? Why not memorize a few and share them at home, on the go or in the classroom. Back to school jokes and riddles for kids by kids.

Read our collection of funny jokes, riddles and knock knock jokes! Many of these jokes have been submitted by kids visiting our playhouse. We know these jokes will make you and your kids laugh out loud! :D

Riddles

Q. What can you call a math teacher?
A. A ruler.

Q. How many sides does a circle have?
A. Two, inside and out.

Q. Why did the teacher draw on the window?
A. Because he wanted his lesson to be very clear!

Q. What did the student say to the math worksheet?
A. I'm not a therapist, solve your own problems!

Q. What is white when dirty and black when clean?
A. A blackboard.

Q. What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
A. Pick them up and roll them back to her!

Q. Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
A. To reach the high notes!

Q. Why is history the sweetest lesson?
A. Because it is full of dates.

Q. What did the calculator say to the other calculator?
A. "You can count on me!"

Q. Why was the voice teacher so good at baseball?
A. Because she had the perfect pitch.

Q. Why was the math book unhappy?
A. Because he had too many problems!

Q. How did the teacher knit a suit of armor?
A. She used steel wool!

Q. What do ducks use for math?
A. A QUACK-ulator !

Q. Why was the little bird punished?
A. It was caught peeping in school.

Q. Why did the children eat their homework?
A. Because their teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Q. What did the cross eyed teacher say to the principal?
A. "I can't control my pupils!"

Q. Where did the pencil go for vacation?
A. To Pennsylvania.

Q. What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?
A. Owlgebra.

Q. What kind of teacher passes gas?
A. A tutor!

Q. What tools do you need for math?
A. MultiPLIERS.

Q. Why do teachers give you homework?
A. Just to annoy you.

Q. Where do birds go to school?
A. High school.

Q. What is a snake's favourite subject?
A. HISStory!

Q. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
A. "Watch the board and I'll go through it again."

Q. What's bigger when it's upside down?
A. A 6!

Q. What happened to the Easter Bunny when he was naughty at school?
A. He was eggs-pelled!

Q. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
A. Because her students were bright!

Q. Why did the boy study on an airplane?
A. He wanted to get a higher education.

Q. Where do pencils come from?
A. Pennsylvania.

Q. What do you do with dead elements?
A. Barium!

Q. Which building has the most stories?
A. Library!

Q. Why did Daniel go to the top of the school?
A. Because he wanted to go to high school.

Q. What object is king of the classroom?
A. The ruler!

Q. Why did Goofy take a ladder to school?
A. Because he wanted to get to high school.

Q. What do you call a square that's been in an accident?
A. A WRECKtangle.

Q. What is a math teacher's favourite dessert?
A. Pi!

Q. Why can't you do a math test in the jungle?
A. There are too many cheetahs!

Q. What school teaches you to greet people?
A. High school.

Riddles continue below video…

Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. "I've got a lot of problems."

Q. Which bet can't be won?
A. Alphabet.

Q. Why did the student bring scissors to class?
A. He wanted to cut class!

Q. Why did the girl take a ladder to school?
A. Because she thought it was a high school.

Q. What's the difference between a train and a teacher?
A. The teacher says, "Spit your gum out" and the train says, "Choo-choo!"

Q. Why did the new boy steal a chair from the classroom?
A. Because the teacher told him to take a seat.

Q. I usually wear a yellow coat. I usually have a black tip and wherever I go I make marks. What am I?
A. A pencil.

Q. What did the glue say to the teacher?
A. "I'm stuck on you."

Q. Why did the students study in the aeroplane?
A. Because they wanted higher grades.

Q. What becomes smaller when you turn it upside down?
A. The number nine.

Q. Where do New York City kids learn their multiplication tables?
A. Times Square.

Q. Why is arithmetic hard work?
A. All those numerals you have to carry.

Q. Why did the jellybean go to school?
A. To become a smartie!

Q. Why did the snake get a detention?
A. Because he was HISSpering!

Q. What did the student say after the teacher said, "Order students, order?"
A. "Can I have fries and a burger?"

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Q. If I did this equation, 23x45+27x99= What answer would I get?
A. A very big number!

Q. What's the worst thing that can happen to a geography teacher?
A. Getting lost.

Q. How many letters are in the alphabet?
A. 11, T-H-E A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

Q. What school subject is a witch good at?
A. Spelling.

Q. Why did the Cyclops close his school?
A. Because he only had one pupil.

Q. What do you call a boy with a dictionary in his pocket?
A. Smartie Pants!

Q. Why is 2+2=5 like your left foot?
A. It's not right.

Q. What did the scientist say to the hydrogen atom that claimed it lost an electron?
A. "Are you positive?"

Q. What do get when you cross one principal with another principal?
A. I wouldn't do it, principals don't like to be crossed!

Q. When is a blue school book not a blue school book?
A. When it is read!

Q. What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A. The teacher says throw out that gum and a train says chew, chew!

Q. Why was the broom late for school?
A. He over swept.

Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.

Q. What is yellow on the outside and gray on the inside?
A. A school bus full of elephants!

Q. What do you need to go to high school?
A. A ladder.

Q. Why didn't the class clown use hair oil the day before the big test?
A. Because he didn't want anything to slip his mind.

Q. Why did the kid run to school?
A. Because he was chased by the spelling bee.

Q. What's the best place to grow flowers in school?
A. In kindergarden.

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. Why do mathematicians like airlines?
A. They use Pi-lots.

Q. How did the ghost teach her class to go through the wall?
A. She went through it over and over.

Knock Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad we are out of school?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad there is no school on Saturday?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Broken pencil
Broken pencil who?
Oh, never mind it's pointless!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Justin
Justin who?
Just in time for school!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Canoe
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?

Jokes

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Teacher: Joey, I thought I told you to stand at the END of the line!
Joey: I tried, but someone was already standing there!
 

Student: Teacher, Teacher!
Teacher: Yes?
Student: Can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: After you recite the alphabet.
Student: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z!
Teacher: Where did the P go?
Student: It's running down my leg!
 

Teacher: Who is smart? Put up your hand.
Then all the students except Ken raise their hand.
Teacher: Ken, why aren't you raising your hand?
Ken: Because if I raise my hand than you'll be all alone.
 

Art teacher: Mimi, I told the class to draw a horse and cart, but you have only drawn a horse!
Mimi: Yes sir, the horse will draw the cart!
 

A boy came home from school. "How much did you learn in school today?" His mother asked.
"Not enough, I have to go back again tomorrow."
 

Now I lay my head to rest
A pile of books upon my chest
If I shall die before I wake
That's one less test I have to take.
 

Teacher: Take a seat!
Student: Take it where?
 

Once there was a boy who needed to do his home work. His homework was to write down his family's favourite words.
So when he got home he asked his mom who was listening to the radio, "What is your favourite word mom?"
"Shut up!" So he wrote that down.
Then he went to his dad who was watching football and his favourite team had just scored a goal, so the little boy asked his dad,"What is your favourite word dad?"
"Yeah!" So he wrote that down.
Next he went to his big sister and he asked her, "What is your favourite word?"
She was listening to her favourite CD and said, "A lollipop, a lollipop, a lollipop." So he wrote that down.
Next he went to his brother. He was watching the end of Batman, he asked him, "What is your favourite word?"
"Nananananananana Batman!" so he wrote that down.
Then he went to his baby sister who was playing with her cars. So he asked her, "What is your favourite word?"
"Voom, voom car, a voom, voom car." So he wrote that down.
The next day at school, the teacher asked him to share his homework with the class
He said, "Shut up!"
The teacher said, "Do you want to go to the principal's office?"
"Yeah!"
"What do you think you deserve?"
"A lollipop, a lollipop, a lollipop."
"Who do you think you are?"
"Nananananananana Batman!"
"What do you think you are going to get away with?"
"Voom, voom car, a voom, voom car."
 

There was a kid named Joey and he couldn't add, so when they had a test on addition he copied off John's paper. When he was finished with the test his teacher said: Joey why did you copy off John's paper?
Joey: I didn't.
Teacher: Yes you did.
Joey: How did you know?
Teacher: I knew because when John wrote, "I don't know," on question #6, you wrote, "me neither."
 

Teacher: Joe, can you name two pronouns?
Joe just waking up: Who, me?
 

Teacher: What is the purpose of having school?
Student: Without school, there wouldn't be a reason for holidays and summer vacation.
 

There was a really dumb girl and she failed a test. Her teacher wanted her to come in after school and make it up. On the note home to her parents the teacher wrote: Make up test.
The following day the girl brought lipstick and eye shadow to school.
 

"Teacher, Teacher I need to pee!"
"Let me hear your ABC's."
"Okay, A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y and Z."
"Good job, except where is the P?"
"Halfway down my leg!"
 

Invisible Boy's Mother: Why are your grades so low?
Invisible Boy: Because the teacher always marks me absent.
 

Dad: Why is your test score so low?
Girl: Because of absence.
Dad: You were absent?
Girl: No, the girl next to me was.
 

Teacher: Have you completed the work at home?
Student: No, sir.
Teacher (angrily): Why?
Student: Because my father has hired servants to do the work at home.
 

Teacher: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Harold: A teacher.
 

Teacher: Fred, the story you handed in called "Our Dog," is exactly like your brother's.
Fred: Of course. It's the same dog.
 

Teacher: Are you cold?
Student: Yes.
Teacher: Go sit in the corner it's 90 degrees!
 

It was the first day of school and the teacher asked all the troublemakers to stand up. Finally this girl stood up and the teacher asked, "Are you a troublemaker?"
The girl said, "No." The teacher asked why she was standing and the girl said, "You looked lonely."
 

"Explain the theory of expansion and contraction," the teacher asked one of the pupils.
"A substance expands when it is heated and contracts when it is cooled."
"No wonder we have a long vacation in summer and a short one in winter," remarked another pupil.
 

Teacher: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
Winnie: Me!
 

If teachers are so smart then why are they in school?
 

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an I. Always put 'am' after an I.
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
 

Teacher: How do you spell Mississippi?
George: The state or the river?
 

Stevie: Hey, Mom, I got a hundred in school today.
Mom: That's wonderful! What did you get a hundred in?
Stevie: In two things: I got forty in reading and sixty in spelling.
 

Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom?
Little Johnny: But I asked first!
 

Teacher: Mark can you tell me what you would like to be in the future?
Mark: I'd like to be a billionaire and be famous.
Teacher: Interesting, what about you Esther.
Esther: I'd like to be Mark's wife!
 

A teacher said to a student could you count to ten for me. This is what the kid said: "1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 10."
The teacher asked, "Where is 9."
"7 ate 9," said the student matter-of-factly.
 

When Dad came home he was astonished to see Alec sitting on a horse writing something. "What on earth are you doing up there?" Dad asked.
"Well the teacher told us to write an essay on our favourite animal. That's why I'm up here and sitting on the goldfish bowl!"
 

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