Squigly Jokes and Riddles

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School Jokes for Kids

Funny back to school jokes and riddles for kids, by kids!

Read our collection of hilarious school jokes for kids! All our jokes and riddles have been screened to ensure they are appropriate for children. Share them with your kids and friends. Did you know that riddles promote creative thinking in children? Why not memorize a few and share them at home, on the go or in the classroom. Back to school jokes and riddles for kids by kids.

Read our collection of funny jokes, riddles and knock knock jokes! Many of these jokes have been submitted by kids visiting our playhouse. We know these jokes will make you and your kids laugh out loud! :D

Riddles

Q. What object is king of the classroom?
A. The ruler!

Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.

Q. Where did the pencil go for vacation?
A. To Pennsylvania.

Q. What school teaches you to greet people?
A. High school.

Q. Why did the student drown?
A. All her grades were below C-level!

Q. What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A. The teacher says throw out that gum and a train says chew, chew!

Q. Why did the pencil cross the road first?
A. He was the LEADer!

Q. Why was the voice teacher so good at baseball?
A. Because she had the perfect pitch.

Q. What did the glue say to the teacher?
A. "I'm stuck on you."

Q. What did the calculator say to the other calculator?
A. "You can count on me!"

Q. Which building has the most stories?
A. Library!

Q. Why was the math book unhappy?
A. Because he had too many problems!

Q. What do you need to go to high school?
A. A ladder.

Q. What can you call a math teacher?
A. A ruler.

Q. What school subject is a witch good at?
A. Spelling.

Q. What did the bully have for lunch?
A. He had a knuckle sandwich!

Q. Why doesn't the sun go to college?
A. Because it has a million degrees!

Q. Where do New York City kids learn their multiplication tables?
A. Times Square.

Q. Which bet can't be won?
A. Alphabet.

Q. Why did Daniel go to the top of the school?
A. Because he wanted to go to high school.

Q. What's bigger when it's upside down?
A. A 6!

Q. Why did Goofy take a ladder to school?
A. Because he wanted to get to high school.

Q. Why was the little bird punished?
A. It was caught peeping in school.

Q. What is yellow on the outside and gray on the inside?
A. A school bus full of elephants!

Q. Why is history the sweetest lesson?
A. Because it is full of dates.

Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. "I've got a lot of problems."

Q. What do get when you cross one principal with another principal?
A. I wouldn't do it, principals don't like to be crossed!

Q. What's the best place to grow flowers in school?
A. In kindergarden.

Q. Where do pencils come from?
A. Pennsylvania.

Q. Why did the girl take a ladder to school?
A. Because she thought it was a high school.

Q. How did the ghost teach her class to go through the wall?
A. She went through it over and over.

Q. What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
A. Pick them up and roll them back to her!

Q. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
A. Because her students were bright!

Q. Why can't you do a math test in the jungle?
A. There are too many cheetahs!

Q. What did the student say after the teacher said, "Order students, order?"
A. "Can I have fries and a burger?"

Q. Why is 2+2=5 like your left foot?
A. It's not right.

Q. If I did this equation, 23x45+27x99= What answer would I get?
A. A very big number!

Q. What do you do with dead elements?
A. Barium!

Riddles continue below video…

Q. What is a math teacher's favourite dessert?
A. Pi!

Q. Why are school cafeteria workers cruel?
A. Because they batter fish, beat eggs, and whip cream.

Q. Why was the broom late for school?
A. He over swept.

Q. What happened to the Easter Bunny when he was naughty at school?
A. He was eggs-pelled!

Q. What do you call a square that's been in an accident?
A. A WRECKtangle.

Q. What becomes smaller when you turn it upside down?
A. The number nine.

Q. What do ducks use for math?
A. A QUACK-ulator !

Q. What's the worst thing that can happen to a geography teacher?
A. Getting lost.

Q. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
A. "Watch the board and I'll go through it again."

Q. What is white when dirty and black when clean?
A. A blackboard.

Q. Why didn't the class clown use hair oil the day before the big test?
A. Because he didn't want anything to slip his mind.

Q. Who invented King Arthur's round table?
A. Sir Cumference!

Q. What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?
A. Owlgebra.

Q. What tools do you need for math?
A. MultiPLIERS.

Q. Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
A. To reach the high notes!

Q. Why did the teacher go to the beach?
A. To test the water.

Q. How many letters are in the alphabet?
A. 11, T-H-E A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

Q. Why did the new boy steal a chair from the classroom?
A. Because the teacher told him to take a seat.

Q. Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?
A. Because when you add four and four you get ate (eight).

Q. What did the cross eyed teacher say to the principal?
A. "I can't control my pupils!"

Q. Why did the clock go to the principal's office?
A. For tocking too much!

Q. Why did the jellybean go to school?
A. To become a smartie!

Q. Why did the children eat their homework?
A. Because their teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Q. How did the teacher knit a suit of armor?
A. She used steel wool!

Q. What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
A. A synonym roll.

Q. Why did the snake get a detention?
A. Because he was HISSpering!

Q. Why did the student bring scissors to class?
A. He wanted to cut class!

Q. Why did the boy study on an airplane?
A. He wanted to get a higher education.

Q. Where do birds go to school?
A. High school.

Q. I usually wear a yellow coat. I usually have a black tip and wherever I go I make marks. What am I?
A. A pencil.

Q. What's the difference between a train and a teacher?
A. The teacher says, "Spit your gum out" and the train says, "Choo-choo!"

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Q. Why is arithmetic hard work?
A. All those numerals you have to carry.

Q. Why did the Cyclops close his school?
A. Because he only had one pupil.

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. Why did the teacher draw on the window?
A. Because he wanted his lesson to be very clear!

Q. What happened when the teacher tied all the kids shoe laces together?
A. They had a class trip!

Knock Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad we are out of school?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad there is no school on Saturday?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Broken pencil
Broken pencil who?
Oh, never mind it's pointless!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Justin
Justin who?
Just in time for school!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Canoe
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?

Jokes

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Teacher: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say "I am beautiful," which tense is it?
Student: Obviously it is the past tense.
 

Mom: Why aren't you doing well in history?
Child: Because the teacher keeps asking about things that happened before I was born!
 

Teacher: Have you completed the work at home?
Student: No, sir.
Teacher (angrily): Why?
Student: Because my father has hired servants to do the work at home.
 

A teacher said to his students, "Give me a sentence with lettuce."
The students said, "Lettuce out of school early!"
 

Teacher: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
Donald: H I J K L M N O.
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Donald: Yesterday you said it was H to O.
 

Teacher: If you had five apples on your desk and the boy next to you took two, what would you get?
Billy: A fight!
 

A teacher said, "Children, stand in a straight circle!"
 

Teacher: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
Glen: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
 

Teacher: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
Simon: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
 

Student asking his teacher: Do you punish people for things they don't do?
Teacher: No.
Student: Good, because I haven't done my homework today.
 

A boy showed his mom his report card and said, "Mom I'm 3rd in my class."
The mom said, "Good job!"
Then the boy said, "But there are only three boys in my class!"
 

Teacher: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Harold: A teacher.
 

Teacher: Order children, order!
Student 1: I want a burger!
Student 2: I want chocolate ice cream!
Student 3: I want Lasagne!
Teacher: Sheesh!
Students: (laughing) Sorry!!!
 

A boy came home from school. "How much did you learn in school today?" His mother asked.
"Not enough, I have to go back again tomorrow."
 

Teacher: Joey, I thought I told you to stand at the END of the line!
Joey: I tried, but someone was already standing there!
 

A boy walked into his classroom late. "Why are you late?" the teacher asked.
"Because I saw a dead cat on the way to school," he said.
"How did you know it was dead?"
"I PSST in its ear."
"YOU DID WHAT!?"
"Yeah, I bent down and went PSST in its ear and it didn't move."
 

A teacher asked her first grade class to bring their birth certificates to class. When the time came to give them to her, David stood up and said very politely, "Teacher, I forgot my excuse for being born."
 

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the classroom. The teacher asked why are you arguing. One of the boys said, "We found a $10 bill and decided to give it to the person who tells the biggest lie."
The teacher said, "You should be ashamed of yourselves. When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie meant."
The two boys gave the $10 bill to the teacher.
 

Dad: Why is your test score so low?
Girl: Because of absence.
Dad: You were absent?
Girl: No, the girl next to me was.
 

When Dad came home he was astonished to see Alec sitting on a horse writing something. "What on earth are you doing up there?" Dad asked.
"Well the teacher told us to write an essay on our favourite animal. That's why I'm up here and sitting on the goldfish bowl!"
 

Teacher: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
Maria: Here it is.
Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
Class: Maria.
 

Once there was a boy who needed to do his home work. His homework was to write down his family's favourite words.
So when he got home he asked his mom who was listening to the radio, "What is your favourite word mom?"
"Shut up!" So he wrote that down.
Then he went to his dad who was watching football and his favourite team had just scored a goal, so the little boy asked his dad,"What is your favourite word dad?"
"Yeah!" So he wrote that down.
Next he went to his big sister and he asked her, "What is your favourite word?"
She was listening to her favourite CD and said, "A lollipop, a lollipop, a lollipop." So he wrote that down.
Next he went to his brother. He was watching the end of Batman, he asked him, "What is your favourite word?"
"Nananananananana Batman!" so he wrote that down.
Then he went to his baby sister who was playing with her cars. So he asked her, "What is your favourite word?"
"Voom, voom car, a voom, voom car." So he wrote that down.
The next day at school, the teacher asked him to share his homework with the class
He said, "Shut up!"
The teacher said, "Do you want to go to the principal's office?"
"Yeah!"
"What do you think you deserve?"
"A lollipop, a lollipop, a lollipop."
"Who do you think you are?"
"Nananananananana Batman!"
"What do you think you are going to get away with?"
"Voom, voom car, a voom, voom car."
 

Shelly: Our teacher is a peach.
Kelly: You mean she is really nice?
Shelly: No, she has a heart of stone.
 

A teacher says to a student, "I thought I told you to go to the back of the line?"
The student says, "I did, but someone was there!"
 

Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: No. I was standing on it.
 

Teacher: Fred, the story you handed in called "Our Dog," is exactly like your brother's.
Fred: Of course. It's the same dog.
 

Teacher: Mark can you tell me what you would like to be in the future?
Mark: I'd like to be a billionaire and be famous.
Teacher: Interesting, what about you Esther.
Esther: I'd like to be Mark's wife!
 

A teacher said to a student could you count to ten for me. This is what the kid said: "1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 10."
The teacher asked, "Where is 9."
"7 ate 9," said the student matter-of-factly.
 

A teacher asked a boy a question after she had read her lesson. The boy just held his ears and shut his mouth
"Why are you not giving me any answer?"
"Because what ever you taught me goes in my ears and if I open my mouth, I will forget everything you said."
 

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an I. Always put 'am' after an I.
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
 

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