Squigly Jokes and Riddles

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School Jokes for Kids

Funny back to school jokes and riddles for kids, by kids!

Read our collection of hilarious school jokes for kids! All our jokes and riddles have been screened to ensure they are appropriate for children. Share them with your kids and friends. Did you know that riddles promote creative thinking in children? Why not memorize a few and share them at home, on the go or in the classroom. Back to school jokes and riddles for kids by kids.

Read our collection of funny jokes, riddles and knock knock jokes! Many of these jokes have been submitted by kids visiting our playhouse. We know these jokes will make you and your kids laugh out loud! :D

Riddles

Q. Why is 2+2=5 like your left foot?
A. It's not right.

Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.

Q. Why was the little bird punished?
A. It was caught peeping in school.

Q. What's the worst thing that can happen to a geography teacher?
A. Getting lost.

Q. Why did the Cyclops close his school?
A. Because he only had one pupil.

Q. What tools do you need for math?
A. MultiPLIERS.

Q. What do you call a boy with a dictionary in his pocket?
A. Smartie Pants!

Q. What did the student say after the teacher said, "Order students, order?"
A. "Can I have fries and a burger?"

Q. Why did the children eat their homework?
A. Because their teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Q. What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
A. Pick them up and roll them back to her!

Q. I usually wear a yellow coat. I usually have a black tip and wherever I go I make marks. What am I?
A. A pencil.

Q. Why did the kid run to school?
A. Because he was chased by the spelling bee.

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. What do you need to go to high school?
A. A ladder.

Q. What happened to the Easter Bunny when he was naughty at school?
A. He was eggs-pelled!

Q. Why did the new boy steal a chair from the classroom?
A. Because the teacher told him to take a seat.

Q. What did the cross eyed teacher say to the principal?
A. "I can't control my pupils!"

Q. Why was the voice teacher so good at baseball?
A. Because she had the perfect pitch.

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher with a tiger?
A. I don't know but you better behave in its class!

Q. Why did the boy study on an airplane?
A. He wanted to get a higher education.

Q. What becomes smaller when you turn it upside down?
A. The number nine.

Q. What do you call a square that's been in an accident?
A. A WRECKtangle.

Q. Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
A. To reach the high notes!

Q. Where do New York City kids learn their multiplication tables?
A. Times Square.

Q. What is a math teacher's favourite dessert?
A. Pi!

Q. Why are school cafeteria workers cruel?
A. Because they batter fish, beat eggs, and whip cream.

Q. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
A. "Watch the board and I'll go through it again."

Q. Why did the students study in the aeroplane?
A. Because they wanted higher grades.

Q. How did the teacher knit a suit of armor?
A. She used steel wool!

Q. What school teaches you to greet people?
A. High school.

Q. What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?
A. Owlgebra.

Q. Why did the student bring scissors to class?
A. He wanted to cut class!

Q. Why was the math book unhappy?
A. Because he had too many problems!

Q. Why do mathematicians like airlines?
A. They use Pi-lots.

Q. What's bigger when it's upside down?
A. A 6!

Q. What is a snake's favourite subject?
A. HISStory!

Q. What did the scientist say to the hydrogen atom that claimed it lost an electron?
A. "Are you positive?"

Q. Why did the teacher go to the beach?
A. To test the water.

Riddles continue below video…

Q. When is a blue school book not a blue school book?
A. When it is read!

Q. Why can't you do a math test in the jungle?
A. There are too many cheetahs!

Q. Which building has the most stories?
A. Library!

Q. Where do birds go to school?
A. High school.

Q. What did the student say to the math worksheet?
A. I'm not a therapist, solve your own problems!

Q. Why was the music teacher not able to open his class room?
A. Because his keys were on the piano.

Q. What school subject is a witch good at?
A. Spelling.

Q. What happened when the teacher tied all the kids shoe laces together?
A. They had a class trip!

Q. What did the bully have for lunch?
A. He had a knuckle sandwich!

Q. Why did the square and triangle go to the gym?
A. To stay in shape!

Q. Why was the broom late for school?
A. He over swept.

Q. What is yellow on the outside and gray on the inside?
A. A school bus full of elephants!

Q. What object is king of the classroom?
A. The ruler!

Q. What is white when dirty and black when clean?
A. A blackboard.

Q. Why did the teacher draw on the window?
A. Because he wanted his lesson to be very clear!

Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. "I've got a lot of problems."

Q. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
A. Because her students were bright!

Q. What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A. The teacher says throw out that gum and a train says chew, chew!

Q. How many sides does a circle have?
A. Two, inside and out.

Q. Why did the girl take a ladder to school?
A. Because she thought it was a high school.

Q. What do get when you cross one principal with another principal?
A. I wouldn't do it, principals don't like to be crossed!

Q. Why did the snake get a detention?
A. Because he was HISSpering!

Q. What can you call a math teacher?
A. A ruler.

Q. What's the difference between a train and a teacher?
A. The teacher says, "Spit your gum out" and the train says, "Choo-choo!"

Q. What's the best place to grow flowers in school?
A. In kindergarden.

Q. Why did Daniel go to the top of the school?
A. Because he wanted to go to high school.

Q. Who invented King Arthur's round table?
A. Sir Cumference!

Q. Why is history the sweetest lesson?
A. Because it is full of dates.

Q. Which bet can't be won?
A. Alphabet.

Q. Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?
A. Because when you add four and four you get ate (eight).

Q. What did the calculator say to the other calculator?
A. "You can count on me!"

Q. If I did this equation, 23x45+27x99= What answer would I get?
A. A very big number!

Q. What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
A. A synonym roll.

Q. How many letters are in the alphabet?
A. 11, T-H-E A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

Q. Why is arithmetic hard work?
A. All those numerals you have to carry.

Q. Where did the pencil go for vacation?
A. To Pennsylvania.

Q. Why did the student drown?
A. All her grades were below C-level!

Knock Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad we are out of school?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad there is no school on Saturday?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Broken pencil
Broken pencil who?
Oh, never mind it's pointless!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Justin
Justin who?
Just in time for school!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Canoe
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?

Jokes

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Teacher: Nick, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?
Nick: What do you think it is, Sir?
Teacher: I don't think, I KNOW!
Nick: I don't think I know either, Sir!
 

A boy showed his mom his report card and said, "Mom I'm 3rd in my class."
The mom said, "Good job!"
Then the boy said, "But there are only three boys in my class!"
 

Teacher: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
Glen: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
 

A teacher says to a student, "I thought I told you to go to the back of the line?"
The student says, "I did, but someone was there!"
 

Once there was a boy who needed to do his home work. His homework was to write down his family's favourite words.
So when he got home he asked his mom who was listening to the radio, "What is your favourite word mom?"
"Shut up!" So he wrote that down.
Then he went to his dad who was watching football and his favourite team had just scored a goal, so the little boy asked his dad,"What is your favourite word dad?"
"Yeah!" So he wrote that down.
Next he went to his big sister and he asked her, "What is your favourite word?"
She was listening to her favourite CD and said, "A lollipop, a lollipop, a lollipop." So he wrote that down.
Next he went to his brother. He was watching the end of Batman, he asked him, "What is your favourite word?"
"Nananananananana Batman!" so he wrote that down.
Then he went to his baby sister who was playing with her cars. So he asked her, "What is your favourite word?"
"Voom, voom car, a voom, voom car." So he wrote that down.
The next day at school, the teacher asked him to share his homework with the class
He said, "Shut up!"
The teacher said, "Do you want to go to the principal's office?"
"Yeah!"
"What do you think you deserve?"
"A lollipop, a lollipop, a lollipop."
"Who do you think you are?"
"Nananananananana Batman!"
"What do you think you are going to get away with?"
"Voom, voom car, a voom, voom car."
 

Teacher: What is the purpose of having school?
Student: Without school, there wouldn't be a reason for holidays and summer vacation.
 

A first grade teacher was telling her students the story of "Chicken Little." She got to the part when Chicken Little ran up to the Farmer saying, "The sky is falling. The sky is falling." Then the teacher paused and asked the kids what they thought the farmer said. One little girl raised her hand and the teacher called on her. The little girl then said, "I think the farmer said Holy cow, a talking chicken!"
 

A teacher asked a boy a question after she had read her lesson. The boy just held his ears and shut his mouth
"Why are you not giving me any answer?"
"Because what ever you taught me goes in my ears and if I open my mouth, I will forget everything you said."
 

Dad: Why is your test score so low?
Girl: Because of absence.
Dad: You were absent?
Girl: No, the girl next to me was.
 

Teacher: If you had five apples on your desk and the boy next to you took two, what would you get?
Billy: A fight!
 

Teacher: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
Maria: Here it is.
Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
Class: Maria.
 

A small boy is asked to find out what the first 4 letters of the alphabet are for his homework.
"Mum, what's the first letter of the alphabet?"
"Shut up and go away," she replied.
The boy went to his dad. "Dad, what's the second letter of the alphabet?"
"YYYYEEEAAAHHH!!!" The boy's dad roared; football was on the TV and his team had scored.
"Brother, what is the third letter of the alphabet?" The boy asked his brother, who was playing with his action men.
"Action Man, the greatest hero of them all!" He cried.
"Sister, what is the fourth letter of the alphabet?" The boy's sister was playing with her Barbie dolls.
"Drive away in the Barbie car, beep, beep!" The boy's sister sang.

The next day in school the teacher asked the boy what the first letter was.
"Shut up and go away!" He replied.
"Do you want to see the head teacher?" Teacher yells.
"YEAH!!"
The boy is sent to the head teacher.
"Who do you think you are?" The headmaster shouts in his face.
"Action Man, the greatest hero of them all!"
"How do you think you're going to get away with this?"
"Drive away in the Barbie car, beep, beep!"
 

Mom: Why aren't you doing well in history?
Child: Because the teacher keeps asking about things that happened before I was born!
 

When Dad came home he was astonished to see Alec sitting on a horse writing something. "What on earth are you doing up there?" Dad asked.
"Well the teacher told us to write an essay on our favourite animal. That's why I'm up here and sitting on the goldfish bowl!"
 

Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
Louie: Because George still had the axe in his hand?
 

Student: The brain is a wonderful thing.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Student: Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you get asked a question in class!
 

Teacher: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say "I am beautiful," which tense is it?
Student: Obviously it is the past tense.
 

Teacher: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
Donald: H I J K L M N O.
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Donald: Yesterday you said it was H to O.
 

Teacher: Joe, can you name two pronouns?
Joe just waking up: Who, me?
 

Teacher: Millie, give me a sentence starting with I.
Millie: I is...
Teacher: No, Millie. Always say I am.
Millie: All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
 

Teacher: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
Simon: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
 

Mother: George, why does your geography exam have a big zero over it?
George: It is not a zero, Mum. The teacher ran out of stars, so she gave me a moon instead!
 

A teacher said to his students, "Give me a sentence with lettuce."
The students said, "Lettuce out of school early!"
 

A boy was told to write a 100 word essay. He thought for a bit then started. 'I went out to call my cat in for the night, so I called 'kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty...'
 

There was a really dumb girl and she failed a test. Her teacher wanted her to come in after school and make it up. On the note home to her parents the teacher wrote: Make up test.
The following day the girl brought lipstick and eye shadow to school.
 

There was a kid named Joey and he couldn't add, so when they had a test on addition he copied off John's paper. When he was finished with the test his teacher said: Joey why did you copy off John's paper?
Joey: I didn't.
Teacher: Yes you did.
Joey: How did you know?
Teacher: I knew because when John wrote, "I don't know," on question #6, you wrote, "me neither."
 

The teacher to a student: Conjugate the verb "to walk" in simple present.
The student: I walk. You walk, ..
The teacher interrupts him: Quicker please.
The student: I run. You run.
 

Teacher: How many seconds in a minute?
Student: 60
Teacher: How many minutes in an hour?
Student: 60
Teacher: Good, now for a hard one, how many seconds in a year?
Student: 12
Teacher: 12?
Student: Yes, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd...
 

Dear Teacher,

Roses are red
Voilets aren't gray
I give you this card
Now give me an A
From Jimmy
 

A teacher said to a student could you count to ten for me. This is what the kid said: "1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 10."
The teacher asked, "Where is 9."
"7 ate 9," said the student matter-of-factly.
 

... more Back to School fun.

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