Squigly Jokes and Riddles

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School Jokes for Kids

Funny back to school jokes and riddles for kids, by kids!

Read our collection of hilarious school jokes for kids! All our jokes and riddles have been screened to ensure they are appropriate for children. Share them with your kids and friends. Did you know that riddles promote creative thinking in children? Why not memorize a few and share them at home, on the go or in the classroom. Back to school jokes and riddles for kids by kids.

Read our collection of funny jokes, riddles and knock knock jokes! Many of these jokes have been submitted by kids visiting our playhouse. We know these jokes will make you and your kids laugh out loud! :D

Riddles

Q. What do you need to go to high school?
A. A ladder.

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Q. Why can't you do a math test in the jungle?
A. There are too many cheetahs!

Q. Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?
A. Because when you add four and four you get ate (eight).

Q. What do ducks use for math?
A. A QUACK-ulator !

Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.

Q. Why didn't the class clown use hair oil the day before the big test?
A. Because he didn't want anything to slip his mind.

Q. I usually wear a yellow coat. I usually have a black tip and wherever I go I make marks. What am I?
A. A pencil.

Q. What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
A. Pick them up and roll them back to her!

Q. Why did the snake get a detention?
A. Because he was HISSpering!

Q. Why did the girl take a ladder to school?
A. Because she thought it was a high school.

Q. Why did the square and triangle go to the gym?
A. To stay in shape!

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher with a tiger?
A. I don't know but you better behave in its class!

Q. What do you call a boy with a dictionary in his pocket?
A. Smartie Pants!

Q. Why doesn't the sun go to college?
A. Because it has a million degrees!

Q. If I did this equation, 23x45+27x99= What answer would I get?
A. A very big number!

Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. "I've got a lot of problems."

Q. Which building has the most stories?
A. Library!

Q. What did the calculator say to the other calculator?
A. "You can count on me!"

Q. What do you do with dead elements?
A. Barium!

Q. What happened when the teacher tied all the kids shoe laces together?
A. They had a class trip!

Q. Why did the clock go to the principal's office?
A. For tocking too much!

Q. What do get when you cross one principal with another principal?
A. I wouldn't do it, principals don't like to be crossed!

Q. Which bet can't be won?
A. Alphabet.

Q. Why do mathematicians like airlines?
A. They use Pi-lots.

Q. What becomes smaller when you turn it upside down?
A. The number nine.

Q. What is a snake's favourite subject?
A. HISStory!

Q. What tools do you need for math?
A. MultiPLIERS.

Q. Why did the jellybean go to school?
A. To become a smartie!

Q. Why is 2+2=5 like your left foot?
A. It's not right.

Q. What did the cross eyed teacher say to the principal?
A. "I can't control my pupils!"

Q. When is a blue school book not a blue school book?
A. When it is read!

Q. What do you call a square that's been in an accident?
A. A WRECKtangle.

Q. What's bigger when it's upside down?
A. A 6!

Q. Why is history the sweetest lesson?
A. Because it is full of dates.

Q. Why was the little bird punished?
A. It was caught peeping in school.

Q. Where do New York City kids learn their multiplication tables?
A. Times Square.

Q. What's the difference between a train and a teacher?
A. The teacher says, "Spit your gum out" and the train says, "Choo-choo!"

Riddles continue below video…

Q. Why did the student drown?
A. All her grades were below C-level!

Q. What is white when dirty and black when clean?
A. A blackboard.

Q. Where did the pencil go for vacation?
A. To Pennsylvania.

Q. What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A. The teacher says throw out that gum and a train says chew, chew!

Q. What can you call a math teacher?
A. A ruler.

Q. Why did the boy study on an airplane?
A. He wanted to get a higher education.

Q. What did the student say after the teacher said, "Order students, order?"
A. "Can I have fries and a burger?"

Q. What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?
A. Owlgebra.

Q. Why was the math book unhappy?
A. Because he had too many problems!

Q. How many sides does a circle have?
A. Two, inside and out.

Q. Why did the pencil cross the road first?
A. He was the LEADer!

Q. What object is king of the classroom?
A. The ruler!

Q. Why was the music teacher not able to open his class room?
A. Because his keys were on the piano.

Q. What's the worst thing that can happen to a geography teacher?
A. Getting lost.

Q. Why did the kid run to school?
A. Because he was chased by the spelling bee.

Q. How did the teacher knit a suit of armor?
A. She used steel wool!

Q. What school subject is a witch good at?
A. Spelling.

Q. Why did the Cyclops close his school?
A. Because he only had one pupil.

Q. Why did Goofy take a ladder to school?
A. Because he wanted to get to high school.

Q. Why is arithmetic hard work?
A. All those numerals you have to carry.

Q. How did the ghost teach her class to go through the wall?
A. She went through it over and over.

Q. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
A. "Watch the board and I'll go through it again."

Q. Why did the teacher go to the beach?
A. To test the water.

Q. Why did Daniel go to the top of the school?
A. Because he wanted to go to high school.

Q. Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
A. To reach the high notes!

Q. Where do pencils come from?
A. Pennsylvania.

Q. Why did the children eat their homework?
A. Because their teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Q. Why did the student bring scissors to class?
A. He wanted to cut class!

Q. What did the student say to the math worksheet?
A. I'm not a therapist, solve your own problems!

Q. What's the best place to grow flowers in school?
A. In kindergarden.

Q. What happened to the Easter Bunny when he was naughty at school?
A. He was eggs-pelled!

Q. What did the glue say to the teacher?
A. "I'm stuck on you."

Q. How many letters are in the alphabet?
A. 11, T-H-E A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

Q. Why did the students study in the aeroplane?
A. Because they wanted higher grades.

Q. What did the bully have for lunch?
A. He had a knuckle sandwich!

Q. Who invented King Arthur's round table?
A. Sir Cumference!

Q. What did the scientist say to the hydrogen atom that claimed it lost an electron?
A. "Are you positive?"

Knock Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad we are out of school?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad there is no school on Saturday?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Broken pencil
Broken pencil who?
Oh, never mind it's pointless!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Justin
Justin who?
Just in time for school!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Canoe
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?

Jokes

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Mom: Why aren't you doing well in history?
Child: Because the teacher keeps asking about things that happened before I was born!
 

Teacher: Millie, give me a sentence starting with I.
Millie: I is...
Teacher: No, Millie. Always say I am.
Millie: All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
 

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the classroom. The teacher asked why are you arguing. One of the boys said, "We found a $10 bill and decided to give it to the person who tells the biggest lie."
The teacher said, "You should be ashamed of yourselves. When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie meant."
The two boys gave the $10 bill to the teacher.
 

Teacher: Joe, can you name two pronouns?
Joe just waking up: Who, me?
 

Now I lay my head to rest
A pile of books upon my chest
If I shall die before I wake
That's one less test I have to take.
 

There was a kid named Joey and he couldn't add, so when they had a test on addition he copied off John's paper. When he was finished with the test his teacher said: Joey why did you copy off John's paper?
Joey: I didn't.
Teacher: Yes you did.
Joey: How did you know?
Teacher: I knew because when John wrote, "I don't know," on question #6, you wrote, "me neither."
 

When Dad came home he was astonished to see Alec sitting on a horse writing something. "What on earth are you doing up there?" Dad asked.
"Well the teacher told us to write an essay on our favourite animal. That's why I'm up here and sitting on the goldfish bowl!"
 

Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell Crocodile?
Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L.
Teacher: No, that's wrong.
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
 

Teacher: Joey, I thought I told you to stand at the END of the line!
Joey: I tried, but someone was already standing there!
 

Teacher: How many seconds in a minute?
Student: 60
Teacher: How many minutes in an hour?
Student: 60
Teacher: Good, now for a hard one, how many seconds in a year?
Student: 12
Teacher: 12?
Student: Yes, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd...
 

Dear Teacher,

Roses are red
Voilets aren't gray
I give you this card
Now give me an A
From Jimmy
 

Shelly: Our teacher is a peach.
Kelly: You mean she is really nice?
Shelly: No, she has a heart of stone.
 

"Teacher, Teacher I need to pee!"
"Let me hear your ABC's."
"Okay, A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y and Z."
"Good job, except where is the P?"
"Halfway down my leg!"
 

Teacher: Fred, the story you handed in called "Our Dog," is exactly like your brother's.
Fred: Of course. It's the same dog.
 

Teacher: Give me a sentence with the word "fascinate" in it.
Student: If I had a sweater with ten buttons and two fell off, then I would only have to fascinate (fasten eight)!
 

Student: The brain is a wonderful thing.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Student: Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you get asked a question in class!
 

Teacher: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Clyde: No, sir. It's the same dog.
 

A teacher once asked a boy, "Where is the Dead Sea?"
The boy replied, "Miss, I never knew it was sick."
 

Stevie: Hey, Mom, I got a hundred in school today.
Mom: That's wonderful! What did you get a hundred in?
Stevie: In two things: I got forty in reading and sixty in spelling.
 

A boy was told to write a 100 word essay. He thought for a bit then started. 'I went out to call my cat in for the night, so I called 'kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty...'
 

A teacher asked her first grade class to bring their birth certificates to class. When the time came to give them to her, David stood up and said very politely, "Teacher, I forgot my excuse for being born."
 

Teacher: Have you completed the work at home?
Student: No, sir.
Teacher (angrily): Why?
Student: Because my father has hired servants to do the work at home.
 

Teacher: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
Maria: Here it is.
Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
Class: Maria.
 

Dad: Why is your test score so low?
Girl: Because of absence.
Dad: You were absent?
Girl: No, the girl next to me was.
 

Principal: Well, Ronald, I hear you missed the first day back to school.
Ronald: Yeah, but I didn't miss it very much.
 

Teacher: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
Glen: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
 

Teacher: If you had five apples on your desk and the boy next to you took two, what would you get?
Billy: A fight!
 

Teacher: Are you cold?
Student: Yes.
Teacher: Go sit in the corner it's 90 degrees!
 

A teacher said, "Children, stand in a straight circle!"
 

Teacher: Order children, order!
Student 1: I want a burger!
Student 2: I want chocolate ice cream!
Student 3: I want Lasagne!
Teacher: Sheesh!
Students: (laughing) Sorry!!!
 

... more Back to School fun.

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