Squigly Jokes and Riddles

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School Jokes for Kids

Funny back to school jokes and riddles for kids, by kids!

Read our collection of hilarious school jokes for kids! All our jokes and riddles have been screened to ensure they are appropriate for children. Share them with your kids and friends. Did you know that riddles promote creative thinking in children? Why not memorize a few and share them at home, on the go or in the classroom. Back to school jokes and riddles for kids by kids.

Read our collection of funny jokes, riddles and knock knock jokes! Many of these jokes have been submitted by kids visiting our playhouse. We know these jokes will make you and your kids laugh out loud! :D

Riddles

Q. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
A. Because her students were bright!

Q. Where do New York City kids learn their multiplication tables?
A. Times Square.

Q. What is white when dirty and black when clean?
A. A blackboard.

Q. Who invented King Arthur's round table?
A. Sir Cumference!

Q. Why did the teacher draw on the window?
A. Because he wanted his lesson to be very clear!

Q. Why was the broom late for school?
A. He over swept.

Q. Why was the math book unhappy?
A. Because he had too many problems!

Q. What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
A. A synonym roll.

Q. What did the student say to the math worksheet?
A. I'm not a therapist, solve your own problems!

Q. Why did the teacher go to the beach?
A. To test the water.

Q. What is a snake's favourite subject?
A. HISStory!

Q. Why do mathematicians like airlines?
A. They use Pi-lots.

Q. What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
A. Pick them up and roll them back to her!

Q. Why is arithmetic hard work?
A. All those numerals you have to carry.

Q. Why was the voice teacher so good at baseball?
A. Because she had the perfect pitch.

Q. Why did Daniel go to the top of the school?
A. Because he wanted to go to high school.

Q. How did the teacher knit a suit of armor?
A. She used steel wool!

Q. Why did Goofy take a ladder to school?
A. Because he wanted to get to high school.

Q. Why did the new boy steal a chair from the classroom?
A. Because the teacher told him to take a seat.

Q. Which building has the most stories?
A. Library!

Q. What did the student say after the teacher said, "Order students, order?"
A. "Can I have fries and a burger?"

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. What did the glue say to the teacher?
A. "I'm stuck on you."

Q. What can you call a math teacher?
A. A ruler.

Q. What object is king of the classroom?
A. The ruler!

Q. What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A. The teacher says throw out that gum and a train says chew, chew!

Q. Which bet can't be won?
A. Alphabet.

Q. Why did the snake get a detention?
A. Because he was HISSpering!

Q. What happened to the Easter Bunny when he was naughty at school?
A. He was eggs-pelled!

Q. What do ducks use for math?
A. A QUACK-ulator !

Q. What's the difference between a train and a teacher?
A. The teacher says, "Spit your gum out" and the train says, "Choo-choo!"

Q. What is yellow on the outside and gray on the inside?
A. A school bus full of elephants!

Q. Why are school cafeteria workers cruel?
A. Because they batter fish, beat eggs, and whip cream.

Q. What's bigger when it's upside down?
A. A 6!

Q. How many letters are in the alphabet?
A. 11, T-H-E A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

Q. If I did this equation, 23x45+27x99= What answer would I get?
A. A very big number!

Q. What did the bully have for lunch?
A. He had a knuckle sandwich!

Q. What did the scientist say to the hydrogen atom that claimed it lost an electron?
A. "Are you positive?"

Riddles continue below video…

Q. What do get when you cross one principal with another principal?
A. I wouldn't do it, principals don't like to be crossed!

Q. What is a math teacher's favourite dessert?
A. Pi!

Q. What school subject is a witch good at?
A. Spelling.

Q. I usually wear a yellow coat. I usually have a black tip and wherever I go I make marks. What am I?
A. A pencil.

Q. Why was the music teacher not able to open his class room?
A. Because his keys were on the piano.

Q. What happened when the teacher tied all the kids shoe laces together?
A. They had a class trip!

Q. What did the calculator say to the other calculator?
A. "You can count on me!"

Q. Why did the pencil cross the road first?
A. He was the LEADer!

Q. Why was the little bird punished?
A. It was caught peeping in school.

Q. What kind of teacher passes gas?
A. A tutor!

Q. Why did the square and triangle go to the gym?
A. To stay in shape!

Q. Why did the student drown?
A. All her grades were below C-level!

Q. Where do birds go to school?
A. High school.

Q. What do you do with dead elements?
A. Barium!

Q. What do you need to go to high school?
A. A ladder.

Q. Why did the kid run to school?
A. Because he was chased by the spelling bee.

Q. Why is 2+2=5 like your left foot?
A. It's not right.

Q. What school teaches you to greet people?
A. High school.

Q. Why is history the sweetest lesson?
A. Because it is full of dates.

Q. Why didn't the class clown use hair oil the day before the big test?
A. Because he didn't want anything to slip his mind.

Q. What becomes smaller when you turn it upside down?
A. The number nine.

Q. What's the worst thing that can happen to a geography teacher?
A. Getting lost.

Q. What tools do you need for math?
A. MultiPLIERS.

Q. What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?
A. Owlgebra.

Q. Why did the student bring scissors to class?
A. He wanted to cut class!

Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. "I've got a lot of problems."

Q. Why did the girl take a ladder to school?
A. Because she thought it was a high school.

Q. What do you call a boy with a dictionary in his pocket?
A. Smartie Pants!

Q. Why doesn't the sun go to college?
A. Because it has a million degrees!

Q. Why can't you do a math test in the jungle?
A. There are too many cheetahs!

Q. How many sides does a circle have?
A. Two, inside and out.

Q. Why did the Cyclops close his school?
A. Because he only had one pupil.

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Q. What did the cross eyed teacher say to the principal?
A. "I can't control my pupils!"

Q. Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?
A. Because when you add four and four you get ate (eight).

Q. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
A. "Watch the board and I'll go through it again."

Q. Why do teachers give you homework?
A. Just to annoy you.

Knock Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad we are out of school?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad there is no school on Saturday?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Broken pencil
Broken pencil who?
Oh, never mind it's pointless!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Justin
Justin who?
Just in time for school!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Canoe
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?

Jokes

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A boy walked into his classroom late. "Why are you late?" the teacher asked.
"Because I saw a dead cat on the way to school," he said.
"How did you know it was dead?"
"I PSST in its ear."
"YOU DID WHAT!?"
"Yeah, I bent down and went PSST in its ear and it didn't move."
 

"Teacher, Teacher I need to pee!"
"Let me hear your ABC's."
"Okay, A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y and Z."
"Good job, except where is the P?"
"Halfway down my leg!"
 

Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria.
Socks can eat anywhere they want.
 

Teacher: Millie, give me a sentence starting with I.
Millie: I is...
Teacher: No, Millie. Always say I am.
Millie: All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
 

Principal: Well, Ronald, I hear you missed the first day back to school.
Ronald: Yeah, but I didn't miss it very much.
 

A boy showed his mom his report card and said, "Mom I'm 3rd in my class."
The mom said, "Good job!"
Then the boy said, "But there are only three boys in my class!"
 

Teacher: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
Simon: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
 

Teacher: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say "I am beautiful," which tense is it?
Student: Obviously it is the past tense.
 

Headmaster: I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all your teachers. What have you been doing?
Johnny: Nothing, sir.
Headmaster: Exactly.
 

A teacher asked her first grade class to bring their birth certificates to class. When the time came to give them to her, David stood up and said very politely, "Teacher, I forgot my excuse for being born."
 

Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: No. I was standing on it.
 

A boy was told to write a 100 word essay. He thought for a bit then started. 'I went out to call my cat in for the night, so I called 'kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty...'
 

A teacher once asked a boy, "Where is the Dead Sea?"
The boy replied, "Miss, I never knew it was sick."
 

Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?
Student: That's not fair! You answered the easy ones and left me with the hard one!
 

Teacher: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Harold: A teacher.
 

Mom: Why aren't you doing well in history?
Child: Because the teacher keeps asking about things that happened before I was born!
 

A teacher asked a boy a question after she had read her lesson. The boy just held his ears and shut his mouth
"Why are you not giving me any answer?"
"Because what ever you taught me goes in my ears and if I open my mouth, I will forget everything you said."
 

Student asking his teacher: Do you punish people for things they don't do?
Teacher: No.
Student: Good, because I haven't done my homework today.
 

Teacher: Nick, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?
Nick: What do you think it is, Sir?
Teacher: I don't think, I KNOW!
Nick: I don't think I know either, Sir!
 

If teachers are so smart then why are they in school?
 

Teacher: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
John: You told me to do it without using tables.
 

Teacher: Fred, the story you handed in called "Our Dog," is exactly like your brother's.
Fred: Of course. It's the same dog.
 

A teacher said, "Children, stand in a straight circle!"
 

Teacher: Who is smart? Put up your hand.
Then all the students except Ken raise their hand.
Teacher: Ken, why aren't you raising your hand?
Ken: Because if I raise my hand than you'll be all alone.
 

Teacher: Who was the first woman on earth?
Boy: I don't know?
Teacher: Think of the apple story.
Boy: I know, Granny Smith!
 

Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
Louie: Because George still had the axe in his hand?
 

Mom: What did you learn on your first day of school?
Child: Not enough, they want me to come back tomorrow!
 

A teacher said to his students, "Give me a sentence with lettuce."
The students said, "Lettuce out of school early!"
 

Stevie: Hey, Mom, I got a hundred in school today.
Mom: That's wonderful! What did you get a hundred in?
Stevie: In two things: I got forty in reading and sixty in spelling.
 

Teacher: Give me a sentence with the word "fascinate" in it.
Student: If I had a sweater with ten buttons and two fell off, then I would only have to fascinate (fasten eight)!
 

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