Squigly Jokes and Riddles

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School Jokes for Kids

Funny back to school jokes and riddles for kids, by kids!

Read our collection of hilarious school jokes for kids! All our jokes and riddles have been screened to ensure they are appropriate for children. Share them with your kids and friends. Did you know that riddles promote creative thinking in children? Why not memorize a few and share them at home, on the go or in the classroom. Back to school jokes and riddles for kids by kids.

Read our collection of funny jokes, riddles and knock knock jokes! Many of these jokes have been submitted by kids visiting our playhouse. We know these jokes will make you and your kids laugh out loud! :D

Riddles

Q. I usually wear a yellow coat. I usually have a black tip and wherever I go I make marks. What am I?
A. A pencil.

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher with a tiger?
A. I don't know but you better behave in its class!

Q. What is yellow on the outside and gray on the inside?
A. A school bus full of elephants!

Q. Why did the students study in the aeroplane?
A. Because they wanted higher grades.

Q. Why was the voice teacher so good at baseball?
A. Because she had the perfect pitch.

Q. What kind of teacher passes gas?
A. A tutor!

Q. Why was the math book unhappy?
A. Because he had too many problems!

Q. What do you call a boy with a dictionary in his pocket?
A. Smartie Pants!

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. What did the scientist say to the hydrogen atom that claimed it lost an electron?
A. "Are you positive?"

Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. "I've got a lot of problems."

Q. What tools do you need for math?
A. MultiPLIERS.

Q. Where do New York City kids learn their multiplication tables?
A. Times Square.

Q. What's bigger when it's upside down?
A. A 6!

Q. Which bet can't be won?
A. Alphabet.

Q. What school subject is a witch good at?
A. Spelling.

Q. Who invented King Arthur's round table?
A. Sir Cumference!

Q. What did the student say after the teacher said, "Order students, order?"
A. "Can I have fries and a burger?"

Q. Why did the square and triangle go to the gym?
A. To stay in shape!

Q. What is a math teacher's favourite dessert?
A. Pi!

Q. What do you call a square that's been in an accident?
A. A WRECKtangle.

Q. Why did the jellybean go to school?
A. To become a smartie!

Q. Where do pencils come from?
A. Pennsylvania.

Q. What happened to the Easter Bunny when he was naughty at school?
A. He was eggs-pelled!

Q. How did the teacher knit a suit of armor?
A. She used steel wool!

Q. Why are school cafeteria workers cruel?
A. Because they batter fish, beat eggs, and whip cream.

Q. What becomes smaller when you turn it upside down?
A. The number nine.

Q. What can you call a math teacher?
A. A ruler.

Q. Why did the student drown?
A. All her grades were below C-level!

Q. Where did the pencil go for vacation?
A. To Pennsylvania.

Q. Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?
A. Because when you add four and four you get ate (eight).

Q. What object is king of the classroom?
A. The ruler!

Q. Why did the snake get a detention?
A. Because he was HISSpering!

Q. Why can't you do a math test in the jungle?
A. There are too many cheetahs!

Q. Why did the teacher draw on the window?
A. Because he wanted his lesson to be very clear!

Q. What did the cross eyed teacher say to the principal?
A. "I can't control my pupils!"

Q. What do ducks use for math?
A. A QUACK-ulator !

Q. Where do birds go to school?
A. High school.

Riddles continue below video…

Q. Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
A. To reach the high notes!

Q. Why did Goofy take a ladder to school?
A. Because he wanted to get to high school.

Q. How did the ghost teach her class to go through the wall?
A. She went through it over and over.

Q. What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
A. A synonym roll.

Q. How many sides does a circle have?
A. Two, inside and out.

Q. What do you need to go to high school?
A. A ladder.

Q. Why did the clock go to the principal's office?
A. For tocking too much!

Q. Why did the student bring scissors to class?
A. He wanted to cut class!

Q. Why was the broom late for school?
A. He over swept.

Q. What did the bully have for lunch?
A. He had a knuckle sandwich!

Q. What did the student say to the math worksheet?
A. I'm not a therapist, solve your own problems!

Q. What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A. The teacher says throw out that gum and a train says chew, chew!

Q. Why did the new boy steal a chair from the classroom?
A. Because the teacher told him to take a seat.

Q. Why is history the sweetest lesson?
A. Because it is full of dates.

Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.

Q. What did the glue say to the teacher?
A. "I'm stuck on you."

Q. Why did the pencil cross the road first?
A. He was the LEADer!

Q. Why did Daniel go to the top of the school?
A. Because he wanted to go to high school.

Q. How many letters are in the alphabet?
A. 11, T-H-E A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

Q. Why doesn't the sun go to college?
A. Because it has a million degrees!

Q. If I did this equation, 23x45+27x99= What answer would I get?
A. A very big number!

Q. Why did the boy study on an airplane?
A. He wanted to get a higher education.

Q. Why do mathematicians like airlines?
A. They use Pi-lots.

Q. What's the worst thing that can happen to a geography teacher?
A. Getting lost.

Q. Why did the girl take a ladder to school?
A. Because she thought it was a high school.

Q. What's the best place to grow flowers in school?
A. In kindergarden.

Q. What school teaches you to greet people?
A. High school.

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Q. Why is arithmetic hard work?
A. All those numerals you have to carry.

Q. What did the calculator say to the other calculator?
A. "You can count on me!"

Q. What do get when you cross one principal with another principal?
A. I wouldn't do it, principals don't like to be crossed!

Q. What do you do with dead elements?
A. Barium!

Q. Which building has the most stories?
A. Library!

Q. What's the difference between a train and a teacher?
A. The teacher says, "Spit your gum out" and the train says, "Choo-choo!"

Q. When is a blue school book not a blue school book?
A. When it is read!

Q. Why did the Cyclops close his school?
A. Because he only had one pupil.

Q. Why didn't the class clown use hair oil the day before the big test?
A. Because he didn't want anything to slip his mind.

Knock Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad we are out of school?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad there is no school on Saturday?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Broken pencil
Broken pencil who?
Oh, never mind it's pointless!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Justin
Justin who?
Just in time for school!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Canoe
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?

Jokes

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Teacher: Have you completed the work at home?
Student: No, sir.
Teacher (angrily): Why?
Student: Because my father has hired servants to do the work at home.
 

Teacher: Joey, I thought I told you to stand at the END of the line!
Joey: I tried, but someone was already standing there!
 

Teacher: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
Winnie: Me!
 

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the classroom. The teacher asked why are you arguing. One of the boys said, "We found a $10 bill and decided to give it to the person who tells the biggest lie."
The teacher said, "You should be ashamed of yourselves. When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie meant."
The two boys gave the $10 bill to the teacher.
 

Student: Teacher, Teacher!
Teacher: Yes?
Student: Can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: After you recite the alphabet.
Student: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z!
Teacher: Where did the P go?
Student: It's running down my leg!
 

"Teacher, Teacher I need to pee!"
"Let me hear your ABC's."
"Okay, A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y and Z."
"Good job, except where is the P?"
"Halfway down my leg!"
 

A boy walked into his classroom late. "Why are you late?" the teacher asked.
"Because I saw a dead cat on the way to school," he said.
"How did you know it was dead?"
"I PSST in its ear."
"YOU DID WHAT!?"
"Yeah, I bent down and went PSST in its ear and it didn't move."
 

If teachers are so smart then why are they in school?
 

Joey: Little Joey can't come to school today.
Principal: Why?
Joey: He is sick
Principal: Who is this?
Joey: It's my dad.
 

Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?
Student: That's not fair! You answered the easy ones and left me with the hard one!
 

A teacher said to a student could you count to ten for me. This is what the kid said: "1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 10."
The teacher asked, "Where is 9."
"7 ate 9," said the student matter-of-factly.
 

"Explain the theory of expansion and contraction," the teacher asked one of the pupils.
"A substance expands when it is heated and contracts when it is cooled."
"No wonder we have a long vacation in summer and a short one in winter," remarked another pupil.
 

A teacher asked a boy a question after she had read her lesson. The boy just held his ears and shut his mouth
"Why are you not giving me any answer?"
"Because what ever you taught me goes in my ears and if I open my mouth, I will forget everything you said."
 

Teacher: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Harold: A teacher.
 

Headmaster: I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all your teachers. What have you been doing?
Johnny: Nothing, sir.
Headmaster: Exactly.
 

Teacher: Are you cold?
Student: Yes.
Teacher: Go sit in the corner it's 90 degrees!
 

A teacher said to his students, "Give me a sentence with lettuce."
The students said, "Lettuce out of school early!"
 

Teacher: What is the purpose of having school?
Student: Without school, there wouldn't be a reason for holidays and summer vacation.
 

Teacher: Who was the first woman on earth?
Boy: I don't know?
Teacher: Think of the apple story.
Boy: I know, Granny Smith!
 

A small boy is asked to find out what the first 4 letters of the alphabet are for his homework.
"Mum, what's the first letter of the alphabet?"
"Shut up and go away," she replied.
The boy went to his dad. "Dad, what's the second letter of the alphabet?"
"YYYYEEEAAAHHH!!!" The boy's dad roared; football was on the TV and his team had scored.
"Brother, what is the third letter of the alphabet?" The boy asked his brother, who was playing with his action men.
"Action Man, the greatest hero of them all!" He cried.
"Sister, what is the fourth letter of the alphabet?" The boy's sister was playing with her Barbie dolls.
"Drive away in the Barbie car, beep, beep!" The boy's sister sang.

The next day in school the teacher asked the boy what the first letter was.
"Shut up and go away!" He replied.
"Do you want to see the head teacher?" Teacher yells.
"YEAH!!"
The boy is sent to the head teacher.
"Who do you think you are?" The headmaster shouts in his face.
"Action Man, the greatest hero of them all!"
"How do you think you're going to get away with this?"
"Drive away in the Barbie car, beep, beep!"
 

Teacher: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
Simon: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
 

Teacher: Take a seat!
Student: Take it where?
 

Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom?
Little Johnny: But I asked first!
 

Student: The brain is a wonderful thing.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Student: Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you get asked a question in class!
 

Teacher: Who is smart? Put up your hand.
Then all the students except Ken raise their hand.
Teacher: Ken, why aren't you raising your hand?
Ken: Because if I raise my hand than you'll be all alone.
 

Principal: Well, Ronald, I hear you missed the first day back to school.
Ronald: Yeah, but I didn't miss it very much.
 

Teacher: Fred, the story you handed in called "Our Dog," is exactly like your brother's.
Fred: Of course. It's the same dog.
 

Dear Teacher,

Roses are red
Voilets aren't gray
I give you this card
Now give me an A
From Jimmy
 

A boy showed his mom his report card and said, "Mom I'm 3rd in my class."
The mom said, "Good job!"
Then the boy said, "But there are only three boys in my class!"
 

Teacher: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
John: You told me to do it without using tables.
 

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