Squigly Jokes and Riddles

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School Jokes for Kids

Funny back to school jokes and riddles for kids, by kids!

Read our collection of hilarious school jokes for kids! All our jokes and riddles have been screened to ensure they are appropriate for children. Share them with your kids and friends. Did you know that riddles promote creative thinking in children? Why not memorize a few and share them at home, on the go or in the classroom. Back to school jokes and riddles for kids by kids.

Read our collection of funny jokes, riddles and knock knock jokes! Many of these jokes have been submitted by kids visiting our playhouse. We know these jokes will make you and your kids laugh out loud! :D

Riddles

Q. Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
A. To reach the high notes!

Q. Why did the new boy steal a chair from the classroom?
A. Because the teacher told him to take a seat.

Q. Why was the voice teacher so good at baseball?
A. Because she had the perfect pitch.

Q. What did the glue say to the teacher?
A. "I'm stuck on you."

Q. Why did the square and triangle go to the gym?
A. To stay in shape!

Q. Why was the music teacher not able to open his class room?
A. Because his keys were on the piano.

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. Why did the student bring scissors to class?
A. He wanted to cut class!

Q. Why did Goofy take a ladder to school?
A. Because he wanted to get to high school.

Q. What tools do you need for math?
A. MultiPLIERS.

Q. Which bet can't be won?
A. Alphabet.

Q. What do you call a square that's been in an accident?
A. A WRECKtangle.

Q. How many letters are in the alphabet?
A. 11, T-H-E A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

Q. Which building has the most stories?
A. Library!

Q. How many sides does a circle have?
A. Two, inside and out.

Q. Where do birds go to school?
A. High school.

Q. Why did the snake get a detention?
A. Because he was HISSpering!

Q. What can you call a math teacher?
A. A ruler.

Q. I usually wear a yellow coat. I usually have a black tip and wherever I go I make marks. What am I?
A. A pencil.

Q. Where did the pencil go for vacation?
A. To Pennsylvania.

Q. What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A. The teacher says throw out that gum and a train says chew, chew!

Q. Why did the jellybean go to school?
A. To become a smartie!

Q. Why did the children eat their homework?
A. Because their teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Q. What did the bully have for lunch?
A. He had a knuckle sandwich!

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Q. What is a snake's favourite subject?
A. HISStory!

Q. What did the student say to the math worksheet?
A. I'm not a therapist, solve your own problems!

Q. Who invented King Arthur's round table?
A. Sir Cumference!

Q. What is yellow on the outside and gray on the inside?
A. A school bus full of elephants!

Q. What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
A. A synonym roll.

Q. What did the calculator say to the other calculator?
A. "You can count on me!"

Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. "I've got a lot of problems."

Q. What object is king of the classroom?
A. The ruler!

Q. What do you need to go to high school?
A. A ladder.

Q. Why is 2+2=5 like your left foot?
A. It's not right.

Q. Why did the student drown?
A. All her grades were below C-level!

Q. Why can't you do a math test in the jungle?
A. There are too many cheetahs!

Q. What's the best place to grow flowers in school?
A. In kindergarden.

Riddles continue below video…

Q. What is white when dirty and black when clean?
A. A blackboard.

Q. What do ducks use for math?
A. A QUACK-ulator !

Q. What becomes smaller when you turn it upside down?
A. The number nine.

Q. What did the scientist say to the hydrogen atom that claimed it lost an electron?
A. "Are you positive?"

Q. What school teaches you to greet people?
A. High school.

Q. Why did the kid run to school?
A. Because he was chased by the spelling bee.

Q. Why did the boy study on an airplane?
A. He wanted to get a higher education.

Q. Why did the teacher go to the beach?
A. To test the water.

Q. Why didn't the class clown use hair oil the day before the big test?
A. Because he didn't want anything to slip his mind.

Q. Why did the Cyclops close his school?
A. Because he only had one pupil.

Q. What's the difference between a train and a teacher?
A. The teacher says, "Spit your gum out" and the train says, "Choo-choo!"

Q. Why did the girl take a ladder to school?
A. Because she thought it was a high school.

Q. Why did the students study in the aeroplane?
A. Because they wanted higher grades.

Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.

Q. When is a blue school book not a blue school book?
A. When it is read!

Q. Why did the teacher draw on the window?
A. Because he wanted his lesson to be very clear!

Q. What do you do with dead elements?
A. Barium!

Q. Why did the pencil cross the road first?
A. He was the LEADer!

Q. What happened when the teacher tied all the kids shoe laces together?
A. They had a class trip!

Q. If I did this equation, 23x45+27x99= What answer would I get?
A. A very big number!

Q. Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?
A. Because when you add four and four you get ate (eight).

Q. Why do teachers give you homework?
A. Just to annoy you.

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher with a tiger?
A. I don't know but you better behave in its class!

Q. What happened to the Easter Bunny when he was naughty at school?
A. He was eggs-pelled!

Q. Why doesn't the sun go to college?
A. Because it has a million degrees!

Q. What do you call a boy with a dictionary in his pocket?
A. Smartie Pants!

Q. Where do pencils come from?
A. Pennsylvania.

Q. Why was the broom late for school?
A. He over swept.

Q. Why are school cafeteria workers cruel?
A. Because they batter fish, beat eggs, and whip cream.

Q. What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
A. Pick them up and roll them back to her!

Q. What's bigger when it's upside down?
A. A 6!

Q. What kind of teacher passes gas?
A. A tutor!

Q. What did the cross eyed teacher say to the principal?
A. "I can't control my pupils!"

Q. Why is history the sweetest lesson?
A. Because it is full of dates.

Q. Why did Daniel go to the top of the school?
A. Because he wanted to go to high school.

Q. What do get when you cross one principal with another principal?
A. I wouldn't do it, principals don't like to be crossed!

Q. Why is arithmetic hard work?
A. All those numerals you have to carry.

Knock Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad we are out of school?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad there is no school on Saturday?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Broken pencil
Broken pencil who?
Oh, never mind it's pointless!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Justin
Justin who?
Just in time for school!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Canoe
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?

Jokes

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There was a kid named Joey and he couldn't add, so when they had a test on addition he copied off John's paper. When he was finished with the test his teacher said: Joey why did you copy off John's paper?
Joey: I didn't.
Teacher: Yes you did.
Joey: How did you know?
Teacher: I knew because when John wrote, "I don't know," on question #6, you wrote, "me neither."
 

Student asking his teacher: Do you punish people for things they don't do?
Teacher: No.
Student: Good, because I haven't done my homework today.
 

Student: The brain is a wonderful thing.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Student: Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you get asked a question in class!
 

Teacher: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
Glen: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
 

Dad: Why is your test score so low?
Girl: Because of absence.
Dad: You were absent?
Girl: No, the girl next to me was.
 

A boy came home from school. "How much did you learn in school today?" His mother asked.
"Not enough, I have to go back again tomorrow."
 

A teacher asked a boy a question after she had read her lesson. The boy just held his ears and shut his mouth
"Why are you not giving me any answer?"
"Because what ever you taught me goes in my ears and if I open my mouth, I will forget everything you said."
 

Teacher: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say "I am beautiful," which tense is it?
Student: Obviously it is the past tense.
 

Teacher: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
Winnie: Me!
 

Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell Crocodile?
Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L.
Teacher: No, that's wrong.
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
 

Art teacher: Mimi, I told the class to draw a horse and cart, but you have only drawn a horse!
Mimi: Yes sir, the horse will draw the cart!
 

A teacher once asked a boy, "Where is the Dead Sea?"
The boy replied, "Miss, I never knew it was sick."
 

Teacher: Fred, the story you handed in called "Our Dog," is exactly like your brother's.
Fred: Of course. It's the same dog.
 

A teacher asked her first grade class to bring their birth certificates to class. When the time came to give them to her, David stood up and said very politely, "Teacher, I forgot my excuse for being born."
 

Teacher: Who is smart? Put up your hand.
Then all the students except Ken raise their hand.
Teacher: Ken, why aren't you raising your hand?
Ken: Because if I raise my hand than you'll be all alone.
 

Principal: Well, Ronald, I hear you missed the first day back to school.
Ronald: Yeah, but I didn't miss it very much.
 

Teacher: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
John: You told me to do it without using tables.
 

Teacher: Nick, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?
Nick: What do you think it is, Sir?
Teacher: I don't think, I KNOW!
Nick: I don't think I know either, Sir!
 

Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria.
Socks can eat anywhere they want.
 

A teacher says to a student, "I thought I told you to go to the back of the line?"
The student says, "I did, but someone was there!"
 

A small boy is asked to find out what the first 4 letters of the alphabet are for his homework.
"Mum, what's the first letter of the alphabet?"
"Shut up and go away," she replied.
The boy went to his dad. "Dad, what's the second letter of the alphabet?"
"YYYYEEEAAAHHH!!!" The boy's dad roared; football was on the TV and his team had scored.
"Brother, what is the third letter of the alphabet?" The boy asked his brother, who was playing with his action men.
"Action Man, the greatest hero of them all!" He cried.
"Sister, what is the fourth letter of the alphabet?" The boy's sister was playing with her Barbie dolls.
"Drive away in the Barbie car, beep, beep!" The boy's sister sang.

The next day in school the teacher asked the boy what the first letter was.
"Shut up and go away!" He replied.
"Do you want to see the head teacher?" Teacher yells.
"YEAH!!"
The boy is sent to the head teacher.
"Who do you think you are?" The headmaster shouts in his face.
"Action Man, the greatest hero of them all!"
"How do you think you're going to get away with this?"
"Drive away in the Barbie car, beep, beep!"
 

Mom: Why aren't you doing well in history?
Child: Because the teacher keeps asking about things that happened before I was born!
 

A first grade teacher was telling her students the story of "Chicken Little." She got to the part when Chicken Little ran up to the Farmer saying, "The sky is falling. The sky is falling." Then the teacher paused and asked the kids what they thought the farmer said. One little girl raised her hand and the teacher called on her. The little girl then said, "I think the farmer said Holy cow, a talking chicken!"
 

Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom?
Little Johnny: But I asked first!
 

Once there was a boy who needed to do his home work. His homework was to write down his family's favourite words.
So when he got home he asked his mom who was listening to the radio, "What is your favourite word mom?"
"Shut up!" So he wrote that down.
Then he went to his dad who was watching football and his favourite team had just scored a goal, so the little boy asked his dad,"What is your favourite word dad?"
"Yeah!" So he wrote that down.
Next he went to his big sister and he asked her, "What is your favourite word?"
She was listening to her favourite CD and said, "A lollipop, a lollipop, a lollipop." So he wrote that down.
Next he went to his brother. He was watching the end of Batman, he asked him, "What is your favourite word?"
"Nananananananana Batman!" so he wrote that down.
Then he went to his baby sister who was playing with her cars. So he asked her, "What is your favourite word?"
"Voom, voom car, a voom, voom car." So he wrote that down.
The next day at school, the teacher asked him to share his homework with the class
He said, "Shut up!"
The teacher said, "Do you want to go to the principal's office?"
"Yeah!"
"What do you think you deserve?"
"A lollipop, a lollipop, a lollipop."
"Who do you think you are?"
"Nananananananana Batman!"
"What do you think you are going to get away with?"
"Voom, voom car, a voom, voom car."
 

Teacher: Have you completed the work at home?
Student: No, sir.
Teacher (angrily): Why?
Student: Because my father has hired servants to do the work at home.
 

Teacher: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
Simon: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
 

Headmaster: I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all your teachers. What have you been doing?
Johnny: Nothing, sir.
Headmaster: Exactly.
 

Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
Louie: Because George still had the axe in his hand?
 

Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your dad for another, how much would you have?
Boy: One dollar.
Teacher: Are you sure?
Boy: Yes, my dad wouldn't give me a dollar!
 

... more Back to School fun.

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