Squigly Jokes and Riddles

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School Jokes for Kids

Funny back to school jokes and riddles for kids, by kids!

Read our collection of hilarious school jokes for kids! All our jokes and riddles have been screened to ensure they are appropriate for children. Share them with your kids and friends. Did you know that riddles promote creative thinking in children? Why not memorize a few and share them at home, on the go or in the classroom. Back to school jokes and riddles for kids by kids.

Read our collection of funny jokes, riddles and knock knock jokes! Many of these jokes have been submitted by kids visiting our playhouse. We know these jokes will make you and your kids laugh out loud! :D

Riddles

Q. What did the calculator say to the other calculator?
A. "You can count on me!"

Q. What happened when the teacher tied all the kids shoe laces together?
A. They had a class trip!

Q. When is a blue school book not a blue school book?
A. When it is read!

Q. If I did this equation, 23x45+27x99= What answer would I get?
A. A very big number!

Q. Why did the pencil cross the road first?
A. He was the LEADer!

Q. What is yellow on the outside and gray on the inside?
A. A school bus full of elephants!

Q. What's bigger when it's upside down?
A. A 6!

Q. What's the worst thing that can happen to a geography teacher?
A. Getting lost.

Q. What do ducks use for math?
A. A QUACK-ulator !

Q. What kind of teacher passes gas?
A. A tutor!

Q. Who invented King Arthur's round table?
A. Sir Cumference!

Q. Why was the little bird punished?
A. It was caught peeping in school.

Q. How did the teacher knit a suit of armor?
A. She used steel wool!

Q. Why is 2+2=5 like your left foot?
A. It's not right.

Q. What happened to the Easter Bunny when he was naughty at school?
A. He was eggs-pelled!

Q. Why did the jellybean go to school?
A. To become a smartie!

Q. What did the student say after the teacher said, "Order students, order?"
A. "Can I have fries and a burger?"

Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. "I've got a lot of problems."

Q. What did the bully have for lunch?
A. He had a knuckle sandwich!

Q. How did the ghost teach her class to go through the wall?
A. She went through it over and over.

Q. How many letters are in the alphabet?
A. 11, T-H-E A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

Q. Why did the children eat their homework?
A. Because their teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Q. Where did the pencil go for vacation?
A. To Pennsylvania.

Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.

Q. Why do mathematicians like airlines?
A. They use Pi-lots.

Q. Why are school cafeteria workers cruel?
A. Because they batter fish, beat eggs, and whip cream.

Q. What can you call a math teacher?
A. A ruler.

Q. What did the student say to the math worksheet?
A. I'm not a therapist, solve your own problems!

Q. What is white when dirty and black when clean?
A. A blackboard.

Q. Why doesn't the sun go to college?
A. Because it has a million degrees!

Q. Why did the students study in the aeroplane?
A. Because they wanted higher grades.

Q. Why was the broom late for school?
A. He over swept.

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Q. Where do birds go to school?
A. High school.

Q. What school subject is a witch good at?
A. Spelling.

Q. Where do New York City kids learn their multiplication tables?
A. Times Square.

Q. What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
A. Pick them up and roll them back to her!

Q. What school teaches you to greet people?
A. High school.

Riddles continue below video…

Q. What do you call a square that's been in an accident?
A. A WRECKtangle.

Q. What's the best place to grow flowers in school?
A. In kindergarden.

Q. Why did the clock go to the principal's office?
A. For tocking too much!

Q. What's the difference between a train and a teacher?
A. The teacher says, "Spit your gum out" and the train says, "Choo-choo!"

Q. What is a math teacher's favourite dessert?
A. Pi!

Q. Why was the voice teacher so good at baseball?
A. Because she had the perfect pitch.

Q. What do get when you cross one principal with another principal?
A. I wouldn't do it, principals don't like to be crossed!

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A. The teacher says throw out that gum and a train says chew, chew!

Q. Why did the girl take a ladder to school?
A. Because she thought it was a high school.

Q. Why did the square and triangle go to the gym?
A. To stay in shape!

Q. Which bet can't be won?
A. Alphabet.

Q. What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
A. A synonym roll.

Q. Why didn't the class clown use hair oil the day before the big test?
A. Because he didn't want anything to slip his mind.

Q. Why did the boy study on an airplane?
A. He wanted to get a higher education.

Q. Why did the teacher draw on the window?
A. Because he wanted his lesson to be very clear!

Q. Why can't you do a math test in the jungle?
A. There are too many cheetahs!

Q. Why do teachers give you homework?
A. Just to annoy you.

Q. Why is history the sweetest lesson?
A. Because it is full of dates.

Q. Why was the music teacher not able to open his class room?
A. Because his keys were on the piano.

Q. Why did Goofy take a ladder to school?
A. Because he wanted to get to high school.

Q. Why did the snake get a detention?
A. Because he was HISSpering!

Q. Why is arithmetic hard work?
A. All those numerals you have to carry.

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher with a tiger?
A. I don't know but you better behave in its class!

Q. Why did the kid run to school?
A. Because he was chased by the spelling bee.

Q. What object is king of the classroom?
A. The ruler!

Q. Which building has the most stories?
A. Library!

Q. Why did the new boy steal a chair from the classroom?
A. Because the teacher told him to take a seat.

Q. What did the cross eyed teacher say to the principal?
A. "I can't control my pupils!"

Q. Where do pencils come from?
A. Pennsylvania.

Q. What do you need to go to high school?
A. A ladder.

Q. What did the scientist say to the hydrogen atom that claimed it lost an electron?
A. "Are you positive?"

Q. Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
A. To reach the high notes!

Q. Why was the math book unhappy?
A. Because he had too many problems!

Q. I usually wear a yellow coat. I usually have a black tip and wherever I go I make marks. What am I?
A. A pencil.

Q. What do you do with dead elements?
A. Barium!

Q. Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?
A. Because when you add four and four you get ate (eight).

Knock Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad we are out of school?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad there is no school on Saturday?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Broken pencil
Broken pencil who?
Oh, never mind it's pointless!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Justin
Justin who?
Just in time for school!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Canoe
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?

Jokes

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A teacher said to a student could you count to ten for me. This is what the kid said: "1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 10."
The teacher asked, "Where is 9."
"7 ate 9," said the student matter-of-factly.
 

Teacher: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
Winnie: Me!
 

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an I. Always put 'am' after an I.
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
 

Art teacher: Mimi, I told the class to draw a horse and cart, but you have only drawn a horse!
Mimi: Yes sir, the horse will draw the cart!
 

Teacher: Joey, I thought I told you to stand at the END of the line!
Joey: I tried, but someone was already standing there!
 

Teacher: Who is smart? Put up your hand.
Then all the students except Ken raise their hand.
Teacher: Ken, why aren't you raising your hand?
Ken: Because if I raise my hand than you'll be all alone.
 

A teacher once asked a boy, "Where is the Dead Sea?"
The boy replied, "Miss, I never knew it was sick."
 

Stevie: Hey, Mom, I got a hundred in school today.
Mom: That's wonderful! What did you get a hundred in?
Stevie: In two things: I got forty in reading and sixty in spelling.
 

"Teacher, Teacher I need to pee!"
"Let me hear your ABC's."
"Okay, A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y and Z."
"Good job, except where is the P?"
"Halfway down my leg!"
 

Teacher: How do you spell Mississippi?
George: The state or the river?
 

Now I lay my head to rest
A pile of books upon my chest
If I shall die before I wake
That's one less test I have to take.
 

Teacher: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
Glen: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
 

Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom?
Little Johnny: But I asked first!
 

Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria.
Socks can eat anywhere they want.
 

Teacher: Order children, order!
Student 1: I want a burger!
Student 2: I want chocolate ice cream!
Student 3: I want Lasagne!
Teacher: Sheesh!
Students: (laughing) Sorry!!!
 

When Dad came home he was astonished to see Alec sitting on a horse writing something. "What on earth are you doing up there?" Dad asked.
"Well the teacher told us to write an essay on our favourite animal. That's why I'm up here and sitting on the goldfish bowl!"
 

Teacher: Nick, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?
Nick: What do you think it is, Sir?
Teacher: I don't think, I KNOW!
Nick: I don't think I know either, Sir!
 

Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell Crocodile?
Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L.
Teacher: No, that's wrong.
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
 

It was the first day of school and the teacher asked all the troublemakers to stand up. Finally this girl stood up and the teacher asked, "Are you a troublemaker?"
The girl said, "No." The teacher asked why she was standing and the girl said, "You looked lonely."
 

Teacher: Mark can you tell me what you would like to be in the future?
Mark: I'd like to be a billionaire and be famous.
Teacher: Interesting, what about you Esther.
Esther: I'd like to be Mark's wife!
 

Student asking his teacher: Do you punish people for things they don't do?
Teacher: No.
Student: Good, because I haven't done my homework today.
 

Student: Teacher, Teacher!
Teacher: Yes?
Student: Can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: After you recite the alphabet.
Student: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z!
Teacher: Where did the P go?
Student: It's running down my leg!
 

A boy walked into his classroom late. "Why are you late?" the teacher asked.
"Because I saw a dead cat on the way to school," he said.
"How did you know it was dead?"
"I PSST in its ear."
"YOU DID WHAT!?"
"Yeah, I bent down and went PSST in its ear and it didn't move."
 

Student: The brain is a wonderful thing.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Student: Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you get asked a question in class!
 

Teacher: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
Donald: H I J K L M N O.
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Donald: Yesterday you said it was H to O.
 

Once there was a boy who needed to do his home work. His homework was to write down his family's favourite words.
So when he got home he asked his mom who was listening to the radio, "What is your favourite word mom?"
"Shut up!" So he wrote that down.
Then he went to his dad who was watching football and his favourite team had just scored a goal, so the little boy asked his dad,"What is your favourite word dad?"
"Yeah!" So he wrote that down.
Next he went to his big sister and he asked her, "What is your favourite word?"
She was listening to her favourite CD and said, "A lollipop, a lollipop, a lollipop." So he wrote that down.
Next he went to his brother. He was watching the end of Batman, he asked him, "What is your favourite word?"
"Nananananananana Batman!" so he wrote that down.
Then he went to his baby sister who was playing with her cars. So he asked her, "What is your favourite word?"
"Voom, voom car, a voom, voom car." So he wrote that down.
The next day at school, the teacher asked him to share his homework with the class
He said, "Shut up!"
The teacher said, "Do you want to go to the principal's office?"
"Yeah!"
"What do you think you deserve?"
"A lollipop, a lollipop, a lollipop."
"Who do you think you are?"
"Nananananananana Batman!"
"What do you think you are going to get away with?"
"Voom, voom car, a voom, voom car."
 

Teacher: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say "I am beautiful," which tense is it?
Student: Obviously it is the past tense.
 

There was a kid named Joey and he couldn't add, so when they had a test on addition he copied off John's paper. When he was finished with the test his teacher said: Joey why did you copy off John's paper?
Joey: I didn't.
Teacher: Yes you did.
Joey: How did you know?
Teacher: I knew because when John wrote, "I don't know," on question #6, you wrote, "me neither."
 

There was a really dumb girl and she failed a test. Her teacher wanted her to come in after school and make it up. On the note home to her parents the teacher wrote: Make up test.
The following day the girl brought lipstick and eye shadow to school.
 

A first grade teacher was telling her students the story of "Chicken Little." She got to the part when Chicken Little ran up to the Farmer saying, "The sky is falling. The sky is falling." Then the teacher paused and asked the kids what they thought the farmer said. One little girl raised her hand and the teacher called on her. The little girl then said, "I think the farmer said Holy cow, a talking chicken!"
 

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