Squigly Jokes and Riddles

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School Jokes for Kids

Funny back to school jokes and riddles for kids, by kids!

Read our collection of hilarious school jokes for kids! All our jokes and riddles have been screened to ensure they are appropriate for children. Share them with your kids and friends. Did you know that riddles promote creative thinking in children? Why not memorize a few and share them at home, on the go or in the classroom. Back to school jokes and riddles for kids by kids.

Read our collection of funny jokes, riddles and knock knock jokes! Many of these jokes have been submitted by kids visiting our playhouse. We know these jokes will make you and your kids laugh out loud! :D

Riddles

Q. What happened to the Easter Bunny when he was naughty at school?
A. He was eggs-pelled!

Q. What did the cross eyed teacher say to the principal?
A. "I can't control my pupils!"

Q. If I did this equation, 23x45+27x99= What answer would I get?
A. A very big number!

Q. Why did the snake get a detention?
A. Because he was HISSpering!

Q. Why did Daniel go to the top of the school?
A. Because he wanted to go to high school.

Q. Why did the new boy steal a chair from the classroom?
A. Because the teacher told him to take a seat.

Q. What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
A. Pick them up and roll them back to her!

Q. Why didn't the class clown use hair oil the day before the big test?
A. Because he didn't want anything to slip his mind.

Q. Why is 2+2=5 like your left foot?
A. It's not right.

Q. Why did the clock go to the principal's office?
A. For tocking too much!

Q. Which bet can't be won?
A. Alphabet.

Q. What's the best place to grow flowers in school?
A. In kindergarden.

Q. Why did the Cyclops close his school?
A. Because he only had one pupil.

Q. Why did the student bring scissors to class?
A. He wanted to cut class!

Q. Why was the broom late for school?
A. He over swept.

Q. What object is king of the classroom?
A. The ruler!

Q. Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
A. To reach the high notes!

Q. What do you do with dead elements?
A. Barium!

Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. "I've got a lot of problems."

Q. What's bigger when it's upside down?
A. A 6!

Q. Which building has the most stories?
A. Library!

Q. How many sides does a circle have?
A. Two, inside and out.

Q. What did the calculator say to the other calculator?
A. "You can count on me!"

Q. Why did the students study in the aeroplane?
A. Because they wanted higher grades.

Q. Why doesn't the sun go to college?
A. Because it has a million degrees!

Q. What do you call a square that's been in an accident?
A. A WRECKtangle.

Q. What tools do you need for math?
A. MultiPLIERS.

Q. What is a math teacher's favourite dessert?
A. Pi!

Q. When is a blue school book not a blue school book?
A. When it is read!

Q. How many letters are in the alphabet?
A. 11, T-H-E A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. What do get when you cross one principal with another principal?
A. I wouldn't do it, principals don't like to be crossed!

Q. What is a snake's favourite subject?
A. HISStory!

Q. What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A. The teacher says throw out that gum and a train says chew, chew!

Q. What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
A. A synonym roll.

Q. What did the scientist say to the hydrogen atom that claimed it lost an electron?
A. "Are you positive?"

Q. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
A. Because her students were bright!

Q. Why did the girl take a ladder to school?
A. Because she thought it was a high school.

Riddles continue below video…

Q. Why is history the sweetest lesson?
A. Because it is full of dates.

Q. What can you call a math teacher?
A. A ruler.

Q. Why did the teacher draw on the window?
A. Because he wanted his lesson to be very clear!

Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.

Q. What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?
A. Owlgebra.

Q. Why did the pencil cross the road first?
A. He was the LEADer!

Q. What did the bully have for lunch?
A. He had a knuckle sandwich!

Q. Why did the student drown?
A. All her grades were below C-level!

Q. Why was the little bird punished?
A. It was caught peeping in school.

Q. Why did the jellybean go to school?
A. To become a smartie!

Q. What did the student say after the teacher said, "Order students, order?"
A. "Can I have fries and a burger?"

Q. What's the worst thing that can happen to a geography teacher?
A. Getting lost.

Q. What becomes smaller when you turn it upside down?
A. The number nine.

Q. Why was the voice teacher so good at baseball?
A. Because she had the perfect pitch.

Q. Why did the square and triangle go to the gym?
A. To stay in shape!

Q. What do you need to go to high school?
A. A ladder.

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher with a tiger?
A. I don't know but you better behave in its class!

Q. What's the difference between a train and a teacher?
A. The teacher says, "Spit your gum out" and the train says, "Choo-choo!"

Q. Where do birds go to school?
A. High school.

Q. Where do New York City kids learn their multiplication tables?
A. Times Square.

Q. Why do teachers give you homework?
A. Just to annoy you.

Q. What is white when dirty and black when clean?
A. A blackboard.

Q. What did the glue say to the teacher?
A. "I'm stuck on you."

Q. Why did the boy study on an airplane?
A. He wanted to get a higher education.

Q. Where do pencils come from?
A. Pennsylvania.

Q. Why did the children eat their homework?
A. Because their teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Q. Why did the teacher go to the beach?
A. To test the water.

Q. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
A. "Watch the board and I'll go through it again."

Q. Why did the kid run to school?
A. Because he was chased by the spelling bee.

Q. Who invented King Arthur's round table?
A. Sir Cumference!

Q. Why did Goofy take a ladder to school?
A. Because he wanted to get to high school.

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Q. What happened when the teacher tied all the kids shoe laces together?
A. They had a class trip!

Q. How did the ghost teach her class to go through the wall?
A. She went through it over and over.

Q. Why do mathematicians like airlines?
A. They use Pi-lots.

Q. What school subject is a witch good at?
A. Spelling.

Q. Why was the music teacher not able to open his class room?
A. Because his keys were on the piano.

Knock Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad we are out of school?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad there is no school on Saturday?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Broken pencil
Broken pencil who?
Oh, never mind it's pointless!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Justin
Justin who?
Just in time for school!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Canoe
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?

Jokes

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Teacher: How many seconds in a minute?
Student: 60
Teacher: How many minutes in an hour?
Student: 60
Teacher: Good, now for a hard one, how many seconds in a year?
Student: 12
Teacher: 12?
Student: Yes, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd...
 

Student asking his teacher: Do you punish people for things they don't do?
Teacher: No.
Student: Good, because I haven't done my homework today.
 

A first grade teacher was telling her students the story of "Chicken Little." She got to the part when Chicken Little ran up to the Farmer saying, "The sky is falling. The sky is falling." Then the teacher paused and asked the kids what they thought the farmer said. One little girl raised her hand and the teacher called on her. The little girl then said, "I think the farmer said Holy cow, a talking chicken!"
 

Dear Teacher,

Roses are red
Voilets aren't gray
I give you this card
Now give me an A
From Jimmy
 

A teacher said to a student could you count to ten for me. This is what the kid said: "1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 10."
The teacher asked, "Where is 9."
"7 ate 9," said the student matter-of-factly.
 

Teacher: What is the purpose of having school?
Student: Without school, there wouldn't be a reason for holidays and summer vacation.
 

A teacher once asked a boy, "Where is the Dead Sea?"
The boy replied, "Miss, I never knew it was sick."
 

Teacher: Are you cold?
Student: Yes.
Teacher: Go sit in the corner it's 90 degrees!
 

A teacher said to his students, "Give me a sentence with lettuce."
The students said, "Lettuce out of school early!"
 

"Explain the theory of expansion and contraction," the teacher asked one of the pupils.
"A substance expands when it is heated and contracts when it is cooled."
"No wonder we have a long vacation in summer and a short one in winter," remarked another pupil.
 

A boy walked into his classroom late. "Why are you late?" the teacher asked.
"Because I saw a dead cat on the way to school," he said.
"How did you know it was dead?"
"I PSST in its ear."
"YOU DID WHAT!?"
"Yeah, I bent down and went PSST in its ear and it didn't move."
 

Shelly: Our teacher is a peach.
Kelly: You mean she is really nice?
Shelly: No, she has a heart of stone.
 

Teacher: Joe, can you name two pronouns?
Joe just waking up: Who, me?
 

A boy showed his mom his report card and said, "Mom I'm 3rd in my class."
The mom said, "Good job!"
Then the boy said, "But there are only three boys in my class!"
 

Now I lay my head to rest
A pile of books upon my chest
If I shall die before I wake
That's one less test I have to take.
 

Student: Teacher, Teacher!
Teacher: Yes?
Student: Can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: After you recite the alphabet.
Student: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z!
Teacher: Where did the P go?
Student: It's running down my leg!
 

When Dad came home he was astonished to see Alec sitting on a horse writing something. "What on earth are you doing up there?" Dad asked.
"Well the teacher told us to write an essay on our favourite animal. That's why I'm up here and sitting on the goldfish bowl!"
 

Teacher: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Harold: A teacher.
 

Mom: Why aren't you doing well in history?
Child: Because the teacher keeps asking about things that happened before I was born!
 

Teacher: Millie, give me a sentence starting with I.
Millie: I is...
Teacher: No, Millie. Always say I am.
Millie: All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
 

Teacher: Give me a sentence with the word "fascinate" in it.
Student: If I had a sweater with ten buttons and two fell off, then I would only have to fascinate (fasten eight)!
 

It was the first day of school and the teacher asked all the troublemakers to stand up. Finally this girl stood up and the teacher asked, "Are you a troublemaker?"
The girl said, "No." The teacher asked why she was standing and the girl said, "You looked lonely."
 

Stevie: Hey, Mom, I got a hundred in school today.
Mom: That's wonderful! What did you get a hundred in?
Stevie: In two things: I got forty in reading and sixty in spelling.
 

Teacher: Order children, order!
Student 1: I want a burger!
Student 2: I want chocolate ice cream!
Student 3: I want Lasagne!
Teacher: Sheesh!
Students: (laughing) Sorry!!!
 

Dad: Why is your test score so low?
Girl: Because of absence.
Dad: You were absent?
Girl: No, the girl next to me was.
 

A small boy is asked to find out what the first 4 letters of the alphabet are for his homework.
"Mum, what's the first letter of the alphabet?"
"Shut up and go away," she replied.
The boy went to his dad. "Dad, what's the second letter of the alphabet?"
"YYYYEEEAAAHHH!!!" The boy's dad roared; football was on the TV and his team had scored.
"Brother, what is the third letter of the alphabet?" The boy asked his brother, who was playing with his action men.
"Action Man, the greatest hero of them all!" He cried.
"Sister, what is the fourth letter of the alphabet?" The boy's sister was playing with her Barbie dolls.
"Drive away in the Barbie car, beep, beep!" The boy's sister sang.

The next day in school the teacher asked the boy what the first letter was.
"Shut up and go away!" He replied.
"Do you want to see the head teacher?" Teacher yells.
"YEAH!!"
The boy is sent to the head teacher.
"Who do you think you are?" The headmaster shouts in his face.
"Action Man, the greatest hero of them all!"
"How do you think you're going to get away with this?"
"Drive away in the Barbie car, beep, beep!"
 

A teacher said, "Children, stand in a straight circle!"
 

Headmaster: I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all your teachers. What have you been doing?
Johnny: Nothing, sir.
Headmaster: Exactly.
 

Invisible Boy's Mother: Why are your grades so low?
Invisible Boy: Because the teacher always marks me absent.
 

Teacher: Nick, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?
Nick: What do you think it is, Sir?
Teacher: I don't think, I KNOW!
Nick: I don't think I know either, Sir!
 

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