Squigly Jokes and Riddles

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School Jokes for Kids

Funny back to school jokes and riddles for kids, by kids!

Read our collection of hilarious school jokes for kids! All our jokes and riddles have been screened to ensure they are appropriate for children. Share them with your kids and friends. Did you know that riddles promote creative thinking in children? Why not memorize a few and share them at home, on the go or in the classroom. Back to school jokes and riddles for kids by kids.

Read our collection of funny jokes, riddles and knock knock jokes! Many of these jokes have been submitted by kids visiting our playhouse. We know these jokes will make you and your kids laugh out loud! :D

Riddles

Q. What did the scientist say to the hydrogen atom that claimed it lost an electron?
A. "Are you positive?"

Q. Which bet can't be won?
A. Alphabet.

Q. Why did the Cyclops close his school?
A. Because he only had one pupil.

Q. Where do New York City kids learn their multiplication tables?
A. Times Square.

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. Why did the student bring scissors to class?
A. He wanted to cut class!

Q. What did the calculator say to the other calculator?
A. "You can count on me!"

Q. Why did the student drown?
A. All her grades were below C-level!

Q. What is a snake's favourite subject?
A. HISStory!

Q. Why was the music teacher not able to open his class room?
A. Because his keys were on the piano.

Q. Why did the snake get a detention?
A. Because he was HISSpering!

Q. How did the teacher knit a suit of armor?
A. She used steel wool!

Q. What happened to the Easter Bunny when he was naughty at school?
A. He was eggs-pelled!

Q. How many letters are in the alphabet?
A. 11, T-H-E A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

Q. Why didn't the class clown use hair oil the day before the big test?
A. Because he didn't want anything to slip his mind.

Q. What becomes smaller when you turn it upside down?
A. The number nine.

Q. What object is king of the classroom?
A. The ruler!

Q. Why are school cafeteria workers cruel?
A. Because they batter fish, beat eggs, and whip cream.

Q. What's bigger when it's upside down?
A. A 6!

Q. Why did the teacher draw on the window?
A. Because he wanted his lesson to be very clear!

Q. Why is history the sweetest lesson?
A. Because it is full of dates.

Q. What can you call a math teacher?
A. A ruler.

Q. What's the difference between a train and a teacher?
A. The teacher says, "Spit your gum out" and the train says, "Choo-choo!"

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Q. Why was the math book unhappy?
A. Because he had too many problems!

Q. When is a blue school book not a blue school book?
A. When it is read!

Q. Why do mathematicians like airlines?
A. They use Pi-lots.

Q. Who invented King Arthur's round table?
A. Sir Cumference!

Q. What tools do you need for math?
A. MultiPLIERS.

Q. Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?
A. Because when you add four and four you get ate (eight).

Q. What did the cross eyed teacher say to the principal?
A. "I can't control my pupils!"

Q. Why did the clock go to the principal's office?
A. For tocking too much!

Q. What is a math teacher's favourite dessert?
A. Pi!

Q. Why was the broom late for school?
A. He over swept.

Q. Why did Daniel go to the top of the school?
A. Because he wanted to go to high school.

Q. Why did the new boy steal a chair from the classroom?
A. Because the teacher told him to take a seat.

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher with a tiger?
A. I don't know but you better behave in its class!

Q. What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
A. A synonym roll.

Riddles continue below video…

Q. What school subject is a witch good at?
A. Spelling.

Q. Why doesn't the sun go to college?
A. Because it has a million degrees!

Q. What did the bully have for lunch?
A. He had a knuckle sandwich!

Q. What school teaches you to greet people?
A. High school.

Q. Why did the teacher go to the beach?
A. To test the water.

Q. What do you call a boy with a dictionary in his pocket?
A. Smartie Pants!

Q. What did the student say after the teacher said, "Order students, order?"
A. "Can I have fries and a burger?"

Q. Why did the children eat their homework?
A. Because their teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Q. Why did the girl take a ladder to school?
A. Because she thought it was a high school.

Q. What's the best place to grow flowers in school?
A. In kindergarden.

Q. Why can't you do a math test in the jungle?
A. There are too many cheetahs!

Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. "I've got a lot of problems."

Q. Why did the square and triangle go to the gym?
A. To stay in shape!

Q. Why did the kid run to school?
A. Because he was chased by the spelling bee.

Q. Where did the pencil go for vacation?
A. To Pennsylvania.

Q. What's the worst thing that can happen to a geography teacher?
A. Getting lost.

Q. What is white when dirty and black when clean?
A. A blackboard.

Q. What do get when you cross one principal with another principal?
A. I wouldn't do it, principals don't like to be crossed!

Q. Why is arithmetic hard work?
A. All those numerals you have to carry.

Q. Why did the boy study on an airplane?
A. He wanted to get a higher education.

Q. I usually wear a yellow coat. I usually have a black tip and wherever I go I make marks. What am I?
A. A pencil.

Q. What do you do with dead elements?
A. Barium!

Q. Why is 2+2=5 like your left foot?
A. It's not right.

Q. What did the glue say to the teacher?
A. "I'm stuck on you."

Q. Why did the jellybean go to school?
A. To become a smartie!

Q. What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
A. Pick them up and roll them back to her!

Q. What do you call a square that's been in an accident?
A. A WRECKtangle.

Q. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
A. "Watch the board and I'll go through it again."

Q. If I did this equation, 23x45+27x99= What answer would I get?
A. A very big number!

Q. Why do teachers give you homework?
A. Just to annoy you.

Q. What did the student say to the math worksheet?
A. I'm not a therapist, solve your own problems!

Q. What do you need to go to high school?
A. A ladder.

Q. What is yellow on the outside and gray on the inside?
A. A school bus full of elephants!

Q. Where do pencils come from?
A. Pennsylvania.

Q. What do ducks use for math?
A. A QUACK-ulator !

Q. Why was the little bird punished?
A. It was caught peeping in school.

Q. How did the ghost teach her class to go through the wall?
A. She went through it over and over.

Knock Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad we are out of school?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad there is no school on Saturday?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Broken pencil
Broken pencil who?
Oh, never mind it's pointless!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Justin
Justin who?
Just in time for school!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Canoe
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?

Jokes

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Teacher: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
Glen: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
 

A first grade teacher was telling her students the story of "Chicken Little." She got to the part when Chicken Little ran up to the Farmer saying, "The sky is falling. The sky is falling." Then the teacher paused and asked the kids what they thought the farmer said. One little girl raised her hand and the teacher called on her. The little girl then said, "I think the farmer said Holy cow, a talking chicken!"
 

Teacher: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
Maria: Here it is.
Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
Class: Maria.
 

If teachers are so smart then why are they in school?
 

A boy came home from school. "How much did you learn in school today?" His mother asked.
"Not enough, I have to go back again tomorrow."
 

"Teacher, Teacher I need to pee!"
"Let me hear your ABC's."
"Okay, A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y and Z."
"Good job, except where is the P?"
"Halfway down my leg!"
 

Student: The brain is a wonderful thing.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Student: Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you get asked a question in class!
 

A teacher asked a boy a question after she had read her lesson. The boy just held his ears and shut his mouth
"Why are you not giving me any answer?"
"Because what ever you taught me goes in my ears and if I open my mouth, I will forget everything you said."
 

Invisible Boy's Mother: Why are your grades so low?
Invisible Boy: Because the teacher always marks me absent.
 

A teacher said to a student could you count to ten for me. This is what the kid said: "1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 10."
The teacher asked, "Where is 9."
"7 ate 9," said the student matter-of-factly.
 

Teacher: How many seconds in a minute?
Student: 60
Teacher: How many minutes in an hour?
Student: 60
Teacher: Good, now for a hard one, how many seconds in a year?
Student: 12
Teacher: 12?
Student: Yes, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd...
 

A teacher said to his students, "Give me a sentence with lettuce."
The students said, "Lettuce out of school early!"
 

Teacher: Take a seat!
Student: Take it where?
 

Student asking his teacher: Do you punish people for things they don't do?
Teacher: No.
Student: Good, because I haven't done my homework today.
 

Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: No. I was standing on it.
 

Teacher: Who is smart? Put up your hand.
Then all the students except Ken raise their hand.
Teacher: Ken, why aren't you raising your hand?
Ken: Because if I raise my hand than you'll be all alone.
 

A boy showed his mom his report card and said, "Mom I'm 3rd in my class."
The mom said, "Good job!"
Then the boy said, "But there are only three boys in my class!"
 

Mom: Why aren't you doing well in history?
Child: Because the teacher keeps asking about things that happened before I was born!
 

A small boy is asked to find out what the first 4 letters of the alphabet are for his homework.
"Mum, what's the first letter of the alphabet?"
"Shut up and go away," she replied.
The boy went to his dad. "Dad, what's the second letter of the alphabet?"
"YYYYEEEAAAHHH!!!" The boy's dad roared; football was on the TV and his team had scored.
"Brother, what is the third letter of the alphabet?" The boy asked his brother, who was playing with his action men.
"Action Man, the greatest hero of them all!" He cried.
"Sister, what is the fourth letter of the alphabet?" The boy's sister was playing with her Barbie dolls.
"Drive away in the Barbie car, beep, beep!" The boy's sister sang.

The next day in school the teacher asked the boy what the first letter was.
"Shut up and go away!" He replied.
"Do you want to see the head teacher?" Teacher yells.
"YEAH!!"
The boy is sent to the head teacher.
"Who do you think you are?" The headmaster shouts in his face.
"Action Man, the greatest hero of them all!"
"How do you think you're going to get away with this?"
"Drive away in the Barbie car, beep, beep!"
 

Teacher: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
Winnie: Me!
 

Teacher: Joey, I thought I told you to stand at the END of the line!
Joey: I tried, but someone was already standing there!
 

A teacher asked her first grade class to bring their birth certificates to class. When the time came to give them to her, David stood up and said very politely, "Teacher, I forgot my excuse for being born."
 

Art teacher: Mimi, I told the class to draw a horse and cart, but you have only drawn a horse!
Mimi: Yes sir, the horse will draw the cart!
 

Dear Teacher,

Roses are red
Voilets aren't gray
I give you this card
Now give me an A
From Jimmy
 

Once there was a boy who needed to do his home work. His homework was to write down his family's favourite words.
So when he got home he asked his mom who was listening to the radio, "What is your favourite word mom?"
"Shut up!" So he wrote that down.
Then he went to his dad who was watching football and his favourite team had just scored a goal, so the little boy asked his dad,"What is your favourite word dad?"
"Yeah!" So he wrote that down.
Next he went to his big sister and he asked her, "What is your favourite word?"
She was listening to her favourite CD and said, "A lollipop, a lollipop, a lollipop." So he wrote that down.
Next he went to his brother. He was watching the end of Batman, he asked him, "What is your favourite word?"
"Nananananananana Batman!" so he wrote that down.
Then he went to his baby sister who was playing with her cars. So he asked her, "What is your favourite word?"
"Voom, voom car, a voom, voom car." So he wrote that down.
The next day at school, the teacher asked him to share his homework with the class
He said, "Shut up!"
The teacher said, "Do you want to go to the principal's office?"
"Yeah!"
"What do you think you deserve?"
"A lollipop, a lollipop, a lollipop."
"Who do you think you are?"
"Nananananananana Batman!"
"What do you think you are going to get away with?"
"Voom, voom car, a voom, voom car."
 

Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria.
Socks can eat anywhere they want.
 

Teacher: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say "I am beautiful," which tense is it?
Student: Obviously it is the past tense.
 

Teacher: Millie, give me a sentence starting with I.
Millie: I is...
Teacher: No, Millie. Always say I am.
Millie: All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
 

Teacher: Joe, can you name two pronouns?
Joe just waking up: Who, me?
 

Teacher: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
Simon: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
 

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