Squigly Jokes and Riddles

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School Jokes for Kids

Funny back to school jokes and riddles for kids, by kids!

Read our collection of hilarious school jokes for kids! All our jokes and riddles have been screened to ensure they are appropriate for children. Share them with your kids and friends. Did you know that riddles promote creative thinking in children? Why not memorize a few and share them at home, on the go or in the classroom. Back to school jokes and riddles for kids by kids.

Read our collection of funny jokes, riddles and knock knock jokes! Many of these jokes have been submitted by kids visiting our playhouse. We know these jokes will make you and your kids laugh out loud! :D

Riddles

Q. Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?
A. Because when you add four and four you get ate (eight).

Q. What do ducks use for math?
A. A QUACK-ulator !

Q. Why did the snake get a detention?
A. Because he was HISSpering!

Q. Why was the broom late for school?
A. He over swept.

Q. What did the calculator say to the other calculator?
A. "You can count on me!"

Q. Why did the clock go to the principal's office?
A. For tocking too much!

Q. What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
A. A synonym roll.

Q. What can you call a math teacher?
A. A ruler.

Q. Why did Daniel go to the top of the school?
A. Because he wanted to go to high school.

Q. How many letters are in the alphabet?
A. 11, T-H-E A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

Q. What is white when dirty and black when clean?
A. A blackboard.

Q. What school teaches you to greet people?
A. High school.

Q. What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?
A. Owlgebra.

Q. Where do birds go to school?
A. High school.

Q. Why did Goofy take a ladder to school?
A. Because he wanted to get to high school.

Q. Why was the math book unhappy?
A. Because he had too many problems!

Q. Why did the boy study on an airplane?
A. He wanted to get a higher education.

Q. Why did the student bring scissors to class?
A. He wanted to cut class!

Q. What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A. The teacher says throw out that gum and a train says chew, chew!

Q. Why did the teacher draw on the window?
A. Because he wanted his lesson to be very clear!

Q. Why doesn't the sun go to college?
A. Because it has a million degrees!

Q. What did the glue say to the teacher?
A. "I'm stuck on you."

Q. Why do teachers give you homework?
A. Just to annoy you.

Q. How many sides does a circle have?
A. Two, inside and out.

Q. What tools do you need for math?
A. MultiPLIERS.

Q. Why did the new boy steal a chair from the classroom?
A. Because the teacher told him to take a seat.

Q. Why do mathematicians like airlines?
A. They use Pi-lots.

Q. What did the bully have for lunch?
A. He had a knuckle sandwich!

Q. What happened when the teacher tied all the kids shoe laces together?
A. They had a class trip!

Q. What is yellow on the outside and gray on the inside?
A. A school bus full of elephants!

Q. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
A. "Watch the board and I'll go through it again."

Q. What is a snake's favourite subject?
A. HISStory!

Q. What happened to the Easter Bunny when he was naughty at school?
A. He was eggs-pelled!

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. What did the cross eyed teacher say to the principal?
A. "I can't control my pupils!"

Q. What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
A. Pick them up and roll them back to her!

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Q. What's the difference between a train and a teacher?
A. The teacher says, "Spit your gum out" and the train says, "Choo-choo!"

Riddles continue below video…

Q. How did the ghost teach her class to go through the wall?
A. She went through it over and over.

Q. Why was the music teacher not able to open his class room?
A. Because his keys were on the piano.

Q. Why can't you do a math test in the jungle?
A. There are too many cheetahs!

Q. What's bigger when it's upside down?
A. A 6!

Q. Who invented King Arthur's round table?
A. Sir Cumference!

Q. What kind of teacher passes gas?
A. A tutor!

Q. Why did the girl take a ladder to school?
A. Because she thought it was a high school.

Q. What becomes smaller when you turn it upside down?
A. The number nine.

Q. Why is arithmetic hard work?
A. All those numerals you have to carry.

Q. Which building has the most stories?
A. Library!

Q. Which bet can't be won?
A. Alphabet.

Q. What do you call a square that's been in an accident?
A. A WRECKtangle.

Q. What object is king of the classroom?
A. The ruler!

Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.

Q. Why was the little bird punished?
A. It was caught peeping in school.

Q. Why did the teacher go to the beach?
A. To test the water.

Q. Why are school cafeteria workers cruel?
A. Because they batter fish, beat eggs, and whip cream.

Q. What do you do with dead elements?
A. Barium!

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher with a tiger?
A. I don't know but you better behave in its class!

Q. Where did the pencil go for vacation?
A. To Pennsylvania.

Q. Why did the jellybean go to school?
A. To become a smartie!

Q. What do get when you cross one principal with another principal?
A. I wouldn't do it, principals don't like to be crossed!

Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. "I've got a lot of problems."

Q. What did the student say to the math worksheet?
A. I'm not a therapist, solve your own problems!

Q. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
A. Because her students were bright!

Q. Why was the voice teacher so good at baseball?
A. Because she had the perfect pitch.

Q. Why didn't the class clown use hair oil the day before the big test?
A. Because he didn't want anything to slip his mind.

Q. Where do New York City kids learn their multiplication tables?
A. Times Square.

Q. Why did the pencil cross the road first?
A. He was the LEADer!

Q. What do you need to go to high school?
A. A ladder.

Q. Why did the student drown?
A. All her grades were below C-level!

Q. Where do pencils come from?
A. Pennsylvania.

Q. What's the best place to grow flowers in school?
A. In kindergarden.

Q. Why did the kid run to school?
A. Because he was chased by the spelling bee.

Q. Why did the children eat their homework?
A. Because their teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Q. Why did the Cyclops close his school?
A. Because he only had one pupil.

Q. If I did this equation, 23x45+27x99= What answer would I get?
A. A very big number!

Knock Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad we are out of school?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad there is no school on Saturday?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Broken pencil
Broken pencil who?
Oh, never mind it's pointless!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Justin
Justin who?
Just in time for school!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Canoe
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?

Jokes

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Now I lay my head to rest
A pile of books upon my chest
If I shall die before I wake
That's one less test I have to take.
 

Teacher: Have you completed the work at home?
Student: No, sir.
Teacher (angrily): Why?
Student: Because my father has hired servants to do the work at home.
 

Principal: Well, Ronald, I hear you missed the first day back to school.
Ronald: Yeah, but I didn't miss it very much.
 

Teacher: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
Donald: H I J K L M N O.
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Donald: Yesterday you said it was H to O.
 

Teacher: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Clyde: No, sir. It's the same dog.
 

Teacher: How many seconds in a minute?
Student: 60
Teacher: How many minutes in an hour?
Student: 60
Teacher: Good, now for a hard one, how many seconds in a year?
Student: 12
Teacher: 12?
Student: Yes, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd...
 

Mom: What did you learn on your first day of school?
Child: Not enough, they want me to come back tomorrow!
 

Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom?
Little Johnny: But I asked first!
 

Teacher: Who was the first woman on earth?
Boy: I don't know?
Teacher: Think of the apple story.
Boy: I know, Granny Smith!
 

It was the first day of school and the teacher asked all the troublemakers to stand up. Finally this girl stood up and the teacher asked, "Are you a troublemaker?"
The girl said, "No." The teacher asked why she was standing and the girl said, "You looked lonely."
 

A boy was told to write a 100 word essay. He thought for a bit then started. 'I went out to call my cat in for the night, so I called 'kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty...'
 

A small boy is asked to find out what the first 4 letters of the alphabet are for his homework.
"Mum, what's the first letter of the alphabet?"
"Shut up and go away," she replied.
The boy went to his dad. "Dad, what's the second letter of the alphabet?"
"YYYYEEEAAAHHH!!!" The boy's dad roared; football was on the TV and his team had scored.
"Brother, what is the third letter of the alphabet?" The boy asked his brother, who was playing with his action men.
"Action Man, the greatest hero of them all!" He cried.
"Sister, what is the fourth letter of the alphabet?" The boy's sister was playing with her Barbie dolls.
"Drive away in the Barbie car, beep, beep!" The boy's sister sang.

The next day in school the teacher asked the boy what the first letter was.
"Shut up and go away!" He replied.
"Do you want to see the head teacher?" Teacher yells.
"YEAH!!"
The boy is sent to the head teacher.
"Who do you think you are?" The headmaster shouts in his face.
"Action Man, the greatest hero of them all!"
"How do you think you're going to get away with this?"
"Drive away in the Barbie car, beep, beep!"
 

Teacher: Joey, I thought I told you to stand at the END of the line!
Joey: I tried, but someone was already standing there!
 

Dad: Why is your test score so low?
Girl: Because of absence.
Dad: You were absent?
Girl: No, the girl next to me was.
 

Teacher: Joe, can you name two pronouns?
Joe just waking up: Who, me?
 

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an I. Always put 'am' after an I.
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
 

Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
Louie: Because George still had the axe in his hand?
 

A teacher said, "Children, stand in a straight circle!"
 

Teacher: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Harold: A teacher.
 

Teacher: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
John: You told me to do it without using tables.
 

Teacher: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
Glen: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
 

Mother: George, why does your geography exam have a big zero over it?
George: It is not a zero, Mum. The teacher ran out of stars, so she gave me a moon instead!
 

Teacher: Nick, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?
Nick: What do you think it is, Sir?
Teacher: I don't think, I KNOW!
Nick: I don't think I know either, Sir!
 

Teacher: Order children, order!
Student 1: I want a burger!
Student 2: I want chocolate ice cream!
Student 3: I want Lasagne!
Teacher: Sheesh!
Students: (laughing) Sorry!!!
 

Invisible Boy's Mother: Why are your grades so low?
Invisible Boy: Because the teacher always marks me absent.
 

A teacher says to a student, "I thought I told you to go to the back of the line?"
The student says, "I did, but someone was there!"
 

A teacher said to his students, "Give me a sentence with lettuce."
The students said, "Lettuce out of school early!"
 

Student: Teacher, Teacher!
Teacher: Yes?
Student: Can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: After you recite the alphabet.
Student: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z!
Teacher: Where did the P go?
Student: It's running down my leg!
 

Student: The brain is a wonderful thing.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Student: Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you get asked a question in class!
 

Teacher: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
Maria: Here it is.
Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
Class: Maria.
 

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