The moon goes to the hair dresser. The moon sits down and the sun comes to do his hair. The sun says to the moon, "Before I start on your hair, do you have any-clips?"
1st Cannibal: Am I late for dinner?
2nd Cannibal: Yes, every one's eaten.
A teacher said to his students, "Give me a sentence with lettuce."
The students said, "Lettuce out of school early!"
My wife still misses me but her aim's getting better!
Person 1: Did you hear about the ball player they put in jail?
Person 2: No.
Person 1: He stole all the bases!
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
Jokes continue below video…
There was a man that studied bugs. He caught a cockroach and put it on the floor of his lab, and said "Walk," and the cockroach walked. He cut off one of the legs on the cockroach and said walk again and the cockroach walked. He went on cutting off the cockroaches legs and telling it to walk. When he cut of all six of its legs the cockroach did not walk. The man wrote in his report that when you cut off all of the legs on a cockroach it becomes deaf.
Customer: There is a fly in my soup.
Waitress: Don't worry the spider in your bread will get it.
Bob: I lost my dog today.
Bill: So put an ad in the paper.
Bob: What good would that do? My dog can't read.
One day a lady was walking down the street with her baby and a man insulted her terribly by saying, "Why that is the ugliest baby I have ever seen!"
The lady was so devastated she sat down beside a tree and started sobbing, then a lady showed up and said, "What is the matter honey?"
The lady answered, "See that man over there? He said I have the ugliest baby."
"Why lady don't cry, I've got you a tissue for you and a banana for your monkey!"
A man walked into a bar. Ouch!
Teacher: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
Simon: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
"I don't know how you sleep in this mess!" A mother exclaimed to her son when she went into his room.
"Easy mom," he replied, "I just close my eyes."
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