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Jokes for Kids

300+ Funny jokes for Kids
Read our large collection of funny jokes for kids! All our knock-knock jokes have been screened to ensure they are appropriate for children. Laugh out loud at these clever and silly jokes sent in by kids visiting our playhouse. Share them with your kids, students and friends. Did you know that jokes and riddles promote creative thinking in children? Why not memorize a few and share them at home, on the go or in the classroom. We know these knock knock jokes will make you laugh out loud! :D

Funny Jokes

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When the dentist had a appointment with his friend it was at 2:30.
 

One day a lady entered a pet shop.
Lady: May I have a rabbit for my daughter?
Storekeeper: Sorry Ma'am, we don't do trades.
 

Teacher: Who was the first woman on earth?
Boy: I don't know?
Teacher: Think of the apple story.
Boy: I know, Granny Smith!
 

Did you know the most fattening food in the world is peanuts? Well have you ever seen a skinny elephant?
 

Teacher: How many seconds in a minute?
Student: 60
Teacher: How many minutes in an hour?
Student: 60
Teacher: Good, now for a hard one, how many seconds in a year?
Student: 12
Teacher: 12?
Student: Yes, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd...
 

Patient: Doctor, Doctor, will this ointment clear up my spots?
Doctor: I never make rash promises.
 

There was a man who wanted to prove his love to his wife. So he climbed the highest mountain, swam the deepest ocean and walked the biggest desert. What do you think his wife said? She didn't say anything! She divorced him for never being at home!
 

"Ggggggggggggggggggggggggggg," said the frog.
"You've got a frog in your throat," said the other frog.
 

Teacher: Give me a sentence with the word "fascinate" in it.
Student: If I had a sweater with ten buttons and two fell off, then I would only have to fascinate (fasten eight)!
 

Teacher: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
Maria: Here it is.
Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
Class: Maria.
 

Once a little boy was at his first wedding. After the ceremony the boy's cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"
The boy replied, "16."
The boy's cousin was surprised he answered so quickly and asked, "Why 16?"
The boy replied, "4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."
 

Bill: My sister has lovely long red hair all down her back.
Will: Pity it's not on her head.
 

Teacher: Who is smart? Put up your hand.
Then all the students except Ken raise their hand.
Teacher: Ken, why aren't you raising your hand?
Ken: Because if I raise my hand than you'll be all alone.
 

Once an old man and woman went to a restaurant and ordered two sandwiches. The waiter brought the sandwiches and the old man started to eat but the women was only staring at the food. The waiter noticed this and went to see what the problem was. The old woman said nothing and just stared at him but the old man interrupted and said, "The sandwich is delicious, but she can't eat because I am using her teeth."
 

A man walks into a computer store.

Store Owner: Hello sir! Welcome to The Computer store!
Man: I would like to buy a computer that sings really well.
Owner: Well, we have Macs.
Man: No, no.
Owner: Would you like to look at our PC collection?
Man: Okay.
Owner: How about you buy a dell? (Adele)
Man: NOW THAT'S A SINGING COMPUTER!
 

Dad: Go buy us a drink.
Son: Coke or Pepsi?
Dad: Coke.
Son: Normal or diet?
Dad: Normal
Son: Bottle or can?
Dad: Bottle
Son: 1L or 0.5L?
Dad: Just go buy some water!
Son: Carbonated or normal?
Dad: Normal!
Son: Cold or hot?
Dad: Get out!
Son: Now or later?
Dad: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
 

Teacher: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
Donald: H I J K L M N O.
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Donald: Yesterday you said it was H to O.
 

Tongue Twister: A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk but the stump thunk the skunk stunk!
 

There were two sisters and they had $700 to spend on a bull. So one sister stayed home and looked after the farm while the other went to the auction. The sister brought the bull for $699 so she went to the post office and asked how much it was to send a telegram. It was $1 a word. So she told the man to send the word: Comfortable. (Come-for-the-bull.)
 

There were three pigs and they walked into a restaurant. The waiter said, "What do you want to eat?" The first pig ordered fish and chips the second ordered pizza and the third ordered water.

The waiter came again and said, "What do you want for dessert?" The first pig wanted custard, the second some cake and the third wanted water again. The waiter said, "Why do you always have water?"
The pig replied, "Because one of us has to go wee, wee, wee all the way home!"
 

There were 2 cats looking into a green canary's cage. The first cat said to the second cat, "That's not a canary, it's green!"
The second cat said, "I don't know, maybe it's not ripe yet!"
 

Kermit the Frog walks into a loan place and goes up to a lady working there. He notices her name tag says Patti Wak. Kermit asks if he can take out a loan and she says, "I am going to have to see an IOU." Kermit takes out a piggy bank from his pocket and says here it is. Patti Wak asks what it is and he tells her it's his IOU. Young man I am going to have to call your parents, "What's their number?"
"555-8937."
"Hello who is this?"
"This is Mick Jagger."
Patti Wak talks to Mick Jagger then talks to her manager. The manager says, "Nik Nak Patti Wak give this frog a loan his old man is a Rolling Stone."
 

Three girls have a car crash and they all die. When they get up to the gates of heaven Saint Peter says, "Inside heaven there are lots of ducks, if you stand on one you will be given a terrible punishment!" The first girl steps on a duck and gets tied to a really ugly man, then the second girl steps on a duck and she gets tied to a really ugly man. The third girl doesn't step on a duck, so she walks along and a really handsome man gets tied to her and she said, "WOW, what have I done to deserve this?"
The really handsome man said, "I don't know, but I stepped on a duck!"
 

One day a duck waddles into a mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no and the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck waddles into the mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no and the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck does the same and once again the clerk says no and adds if you ask me one more time I will nail your webbed feet to the floor. So the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck waddles into the mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any nails?" The clerk says no. "Then got any grapes?"
 

A blonde walks in to a store and the clerk says, "How do you keep your hair so silky?"
Running her fingers through her hair she says, "It"s natural"

A brunette comes in and the clerk asks her, "How do you keep your hair so silky?"
Running her fingers through her hair she says, "It"s natural"

A girl with green hair comes in and the clerk asks her, "How do you keep your hair so green?"
So running her palm from her mouth up her nose and through her hair she says, "It's natural."
 

Jokes continue below video…

A girl once got lost near a river. She traveled up and down it searching for a way to get to the other side.

She tried walking in the shallow part of the river and she even tried grabbing onto a branch that stretched half way across the river to try to swing to the other side. No matter how hard she tried she couldn't get across.

After many failed attempts, she finally felt like giving up. Yet, at the last moment, she saw a person walking by and decided to follow her across the bridge.
 

It was the first day of school and the teacher asked all the troublemakers to stand up. Finally this girl stood up and the teacher asked, "Are you a troublemaker?"
The girl said, "No." The teacher asked why she was standing and the girl said, "You looked lonely."
 

A man is in the hospital and he can't talk. All of a sudden the man's wife comes in the room and stands in the corner. The man starts to act like something's wrong. So the doctor gives him a sheet of paper and pencil. The man writes something down and as soon as he finishes he folds the paper and dies. The doctor gets the note and gives it to the wife. She is curious she reads the note. It said, "You are standing on my oxygen cord."
 

There was a kid named Joey and he couldn't add, so when they had a test on addition he copied off John's paper. When he was finished with the test his teacher said: Joey why did you copy off John's paper?
Joey: I didn't.
Teacher: Yes you did.
Joey: How did you know?
Teacher: I knew because when John wrote, "I don't know," on question #6, you wrote, "me neither."
 

Guy 1: What's a pirate's favorite letter?
Guy 2: R! (Argh!)
Guy 1: You may think it's the R but it's actually the C! (sea)
 

Now I lay my head to rest
A pile of books upon my chest
If I shall die before I wake
That's one less test I have to take.
 

You are in a closed iron box. It is ten feet tall and you are three inches tall. All you have is a bat and ball. How do you get out?
You try to hit the ball once. You miss. Strike 1.
You try to hit the ball again. You miss. Strike 2.
You try to hit the ball again. You miss. Strike 3.
You are out!
 

A teacher asked her first grade class to bring their birth certificates to class. When the time came to give them to her, David stood up and said very politely, "Teacher, I forgot my excuse for being born."
 

Tel: That's funny, my shaving brush is very stiff this morning!
Jack: But it was nice and soft when I painted the fence with it yesterday.
 

Doctor: What's your problem?
Patient: Doctor, I don't know why nobody wants to talk to me.
Doctor: Nurse, call the next patient!
 

A man went to a restaurant and ordered soup. When the waitress came to give the soup to the man, he said, "Excuse me, I saw your thumb in my soup."
The waitress said, "Oh, it's okay. It wasn't hot."
 

Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?
Student: That's not fair! You answered the easy ones and left me with the hard one!
 

Dentist: Stop making a face, I haven't even touched your teeth .
Tommy: I know, but you're stepping on my foot!
 

I guess they found a cure for Bieber Fever, because now everyone's got One Direction Infection!
 

Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
Louie: Because George still had the axe in his hand?
 

Joel: I was born in Australia.
Kim: But which part?
Joel: Which part? My whole body of course!
 

A man walks into a dental office and says to the dentist, "I think I'm a moth."
The dentist says, "What!"
The man says, "I think I'm a moth."
The dentists says, "You need a phsycologist, not a dentist. Why'd you come in here?"
The man says, "Because your light was on."

 

Teacher: What is the purpose of having school?
Student: Without school, there wouldn't be a reason for holidays and summer vacation.
 

A guy went to the doctor. "Doctor, I keep getting this pain in my eye every time a take a drink of my coffee."
The doctor says, "Try taking out the spoon."
 

Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I'm going to die in 59 seconds!
Doctor: Hang on, I'll be there in a minute.
 

The real estate agent says, "I have a good, cheap apartment for you."
The man replies, "By the week or by the month?"
The agent answers, "By the garbage dump."
 

Dad: Why is your test score so low?
Girl: Because of absence.
Dad: You were absent?
Girl: No, the girl next to me was.
 

There was a Longhorn flying a helicopter with a flight attendant on board. Ten minutes later she crashed. The attendant asked, "What happened?"
She said, "I got cold so I turned that big fan up there off."
 

There was a man that studied bugs. He caught a cockroach and put it on the floor of his lab, and said "Walk," and the cockroach walked. He cut off one of the legs on the cockroach and said walk again and the cockroach walked. He went on cutting off the cockroaches legs and telling it to walk. When he cut of all six of its legs the cockroach did not walk. The man wrote in his report that when you cut off all of the legs on a cockroach it becomes deaf.
 

A boy said, "Mommy, my feet hurt!"
His mother said, "That's because your shoes are on the wrong feet."
"But these are the only feet I have," replied the boy.
 

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