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Jokes for Kids

300+ Funny jokes for Kids
Read our large collection of funny jokes for kids! All our knock-knock jokes have been screened to ensure they are appropriate for children. Laugh out loud at these clever and silly jokes sent in by kids visiting our playhouse. Share them with your kids, students and friends. Did you know that jokes and riddles promote creative thinking in children? Why not memorize a few and share them at home, on the go or in the classroom. We know these knock knock jokes will make you laugh out loud! :D

Funny Jokes

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A little boy stops in front of a church with his bike and he sees the priest come out. The priest says, "Come inside, I want to show you something." The little boy says to the priest, "But somebody will steal my bike." The priest says to him, "Don't worry, the Holy Spirit will watch it."
So the little boy goes inside and the priest says, "Let me show you how to do the sign of the cross. In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, Amen. Now, you try it." So the boy says, "In the name of the Father and the Son, Amen." The priest asks, "What happened to the Holy Spirit?" The boy replied "He's outside,
watching my bike."
 

A boy said, "Mommy, my feet hurt!"
His mother said, "That's because your shoes are on the wrong feet."
"But these are the only feet I have," replied the boy.
 

Once there was a boy who needed to do his home work. His homework was to write down his family's favourite words.
So when he got home he asked his mom who was listening to the radio, "What is your favourite word mom?"
"Shut up!" So he wrote that down.
Then he went to his dad who was watching football and his favourite team had just scored a goal, so the little boy asked his dad,"What is your favourite word dad?"
"Yeah!" So he wrote that down.
Next he went to his big sister and he asked her, "What is your favourite word?"
She was listening to her favourite CD and said, "A lollipop, a lollipop, a lollipop." So he wrote that down.
Next he went to his brother. He was watching the end of Batman, he asked him, "What is your favourite word?"
"Nananananananana Batman!" so he wrote that down.
Then he went to his baby sister who was playing with her cars. So he asked her, "What is your favourite word?"
"Voom, voom car, a voom, voom car." So he wrote that down.
The next day at school, the teacher asked him to share his homework with the class
He said, "Shut up!"
The teacher said, "Do you want to go to the principal's office?"
"Yeah!"
"What do you think you deserve?"
"A lollipop, a lollipop, a lollipop."
"Who do you think you are?"
"Nananananananana Batman!"
"What do you think you are going to get away with?"
"Voom, voom car, a voom, voom car."
 

Teacher: Fred, the story you handed in called "Our Dog," is exactly like your brother's.
Fred: Of course. It's the same dog.
 

Teacher: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Harold: A teacher.
 

A chicken walks into a library. He goes up to the librarian and says "book book." The librarian gives him two books and he walks away.

The next day the chicken walks up to the librarian and said "book book." The librarian wonders what the chicken is doing with the books, so she follows him out the door and to a pond. The chicken held up the books to a frog and the frog said, "Red it, red it."

 

A teenager saw twins and said to her friend, "I really need to see the doctor! I am seeing double!"
 

There was a kid named Joey and he couldn't add, so when they had a test on addition he copied off John's paper. When he was finished with the test his teacher said: Joey why did you copy off John's paper?
Joey: I didn't.
Teacher: Yes you did.
Joey: How did you know?
Teacher: I knew because when John wrote, "I don't know," on question #6, you wrote, "me neither."
 

There were three construction workers. The first man always had ham and cheese, the second had salami and swiss, and the third a hot dog. They all said, "If I get that for lunch again, I will jump off the Empire State Building!!"

The next day, the first guy got ham and cheese for lunch. So he jumped off the Empire State Building. His wife said, "I should have packed him something different!!"

The guy who had salami and swiss also jumped off the Empire State Building. His wife said, "I should have packed something different for my husband!!"

The third guy got a hot dog again, so he jumped off the Empire State Building. His wife said, "Why did he do that? He packs his own lunch!!"
 

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
 

Patient: Doctor, Doctor, will this ointment clear up my spots?
Doctor: I never make rash promises.
 

Shelly: Our teacher is a peach.
Kelly: You mean she is really nice?
Shelly: No, she has a heart of stone.
 

Judge: Don't you have common sense? Why did you rob the shop again and again?
Thief: The board hanging on the shop says "Thank you, come again."
 

There were three men and they were going to Disneyland. They saw a sign that said, "Disneyland left." So they turned around and went back home.
 

Boy: Did you know that in Colorado there are no carnivals?
Girl: No fair? No fair!
 

The difference between a boxer and a man with a cold is that... One knows his blows and another blows his nose!
 

I started reading a book about anti-gravity and now I can’t put it down.
 

There were 3 friends going to Disney Land. They had been travelling for a while and they came upon a sign that said 'Disney Land left'. So they turned around and went home.
 

Peter: Mother, why is a snail stronger than an elephant?
Mother: I don't know.
Peter: Because a snail can carry its own home, but an elephant can only carry its own trunk.
 

Joel: I was born in Australia.
Kim: But which part?
Joel: Which part? My whole body of course!
 

One day these two football players where flying in an airplane. The first engine on the plane blew and the pilot said, "We just lost one of our airplane's engines, but it's okay because we have one more. It will just take us an hour longer to get there."
Then one of the players says to other, I hope the last engine doesn't blow, because then we will be stuck up here all day!"
 

A man decided to start a chicken farm and brought 24 to get started. A week later he bought another 24 and another 24 the week after that. When his friend asked how his chicken farm was coming along the man replied, "Not one of them has grown yet. I wonder if I'm planting them too deep?"
 

A woman is pulled over for reckless driving. The officer asked her why she was swerving in and out of the designated lane. She answered, "There was a tree in my way!"
The officers assures her, "Ma'am, that is you air freshener."
 

Bill: My sister has lovely long red hair all down her back.
Will: Pity it's not on her head.
 

Customer: There is a fly in my soup.
Waitress: Don't worry the spider in your bread will get it.
 

Jokes continue below video…

A visitor to the United States for the first time went to Manhattan to do some sight-seeing and shopping. Somehow he managed to get lost, so he called his cousin from a phone booth to pick him up. "Which corners are you at?" asked the cousin.
The visitor said, "Hold on." Stepping carefully onto the sidewalk, he looked up at the sign and stepped back into the booth. "I am at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk!"
 

Pete and Repete were in a boat. Pete fell out who was left?
Repete.
Pete and Repete were in a boat. Pete fell out who was left?
Repete.
Pete and Repete were in a boat. Pete fell out who was left?
Repete.
Repeat process until your friend gets annoyed. :)
 

Teacher: How many seconds in a minute?
Student: 60
Teacher: How many minutes in an hour?
Student: 60
Teacher: Good, now for a hard one, how many seconds in a year?
Student: 12
Teacher: 12?
Student: Yes, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd...
 

Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?
Student: That's not fair! You answered the easy ones and left me with the hard one!
 

Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I'm going to die in 59 seconds!
Doctor: Hang on, I'll be there in a minute.
 

John: Can I cut you in line?
Stella: No, I would like to stay in one piece!
 

Two girls are distracted by another girl singing terribly, so they said, "You should sing tenor. Ten or twelve miles away from here!"
 

Patron: Waiter, what's this Praying Mantis doing in my soup?
Waiter: Saying grace.
 

A neutron walks into a bar, buys a drink then asks how much for his drink. The bartender says, "For you, no charge."
 

Two men walked into a bar. One ducked and the other said, "Ouch!"
 

Patient: Oh Dr. Nerdy! Everyone seems to ignore me! It's like I'm invisi-
Dr. Nerdy: Next, please!
 

Once there was a scientist doing a test on a frog. He told the frog to jump, so it jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "4 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off one of the frog's front legs and said, "Jump." The frog jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "3 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off the frog's other front leg and said, "Jump," and the frog jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "2 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off one of the frog's back legs and said, "Jump," and the frog jumped. So the scientist wrote in his notes, "1 leg jump."

Then the scientist cut off the last leg and said, "Jump," and the frog didn't move. So the scientist said it again, but it still didn't move, so in his notes the scientist wrote, "No legs-goes deaf."
 

Think about the phrase " There are plenty of other fish in the sea," but then again, who would want to date fish?
 

Girl: What did one ocean say to the other?
Boy: What?
Girl: Nothing, they just waved!
Boy: Oh.
Girl: Do you SEA what I did there?
Boy: Um no?
Girl: I'm SHORE you did!
 

Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria.
Socks can eat anywhere they want.
 

LaKesheauna: My dentist put his finger in a lion's mouth to see how many teeth it had.
Latangela: What did the lion do?
LaKesheauna: It closed its mouth to see how many fingers my dentist had.
 

One day a little boy made his mom a cup of coffee. It wasn't the best tasting coffee but she drank it to be nice. When the cup was all gone the mom saw the boys toy soldiers in the bottom of the cup. So the mom asked why they were there. The boy simply replied, "The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup."
 

Sam: When I stand on my head the blood rushes to my head, but when I stand on my feet the blood doesn't rush to my feet. Why is this?
Joe: It's because your feet aren't empty.
 

Teacher: How do you spell Mississippi?
George: The state or the river?
 

There was a really dumb girl and she failed a test. Her teacher wanted her to come in after school and make it up. On the note home to her parents the teacher wrote: Make up test.
The following day the girl brought lipstick and eye shadow to school.
 

Bob: I lost my dog today.
Bill: So put an ad in the paper.
Bob: What good would that do? My dog can't read.
 

One day a lady was walking down the street with her baby and a man insulted her terribly by saying, "Why that is the ugliest baby I have ever seen!"

The lady was so devastated she sat down beside a tree and started sobbing, then a lady showed up and said, "What is the matter honey?"
The lady answered, "See that man over there? He said I have the ugliest baby."
"Why lady don't cry, I've got you a tissue for you and a banana for your monkey!"
 

The moon goes to the hair dresser. The moon sits down and the sun comes to do his hair. The sun says to the moon, "Before I start on your hair, do you have any-clips?"
 

Patient: Doctor! Doctor! I think I am losing my memory!
Doctor: When did that happen?
Patient: When did what happen!
 

Boy: Dad, Dad the canary flew out of its cage while I was cleaning the cage.
Dad: What did you clean it with?
Boy: A vacuum cleaner.
 

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