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Jokes for Kids

300+ Funny jokes for Kids
Read our large collection of funny jokes for kids! All our knock-knock jokes have been screened to ensure they are appropriate for children. Laugh out loud at these clever and silly jokes sent in by kids visiting our playhouse. Share them with your kids, students and friends. Did you know that jokes and riddles promote creative thinking in children? Why not memorize a few and share them at home, on the go or in the classroom. We know these knock knock jokes will make you laugh out loud! :D

Funny Jokes

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Two girls were watching the 11 o'clock news when the first girl said, "I bet you five dollars that the man jumps off the building."
The second girl said, "You're on."
Well, five minutes later the guy jumped off the building. The first girl said," I can't take your money, I saw the five o'clock news."
The second girl said, "I did too, but I didn't think he'd be stupid enough to do it again."
 

The moon goes to the hair dresser. The moon sits down and the sun comes to do his hair. The sun says to the moon, "Before I start on your hair, do you have any-clips?"
 

There were 3 cats, The first cat said, "Meow."
Second cat said, "Meow."
Third cat said, "Meow, meow."
The first cat said, "Don't change the subject."
 

Pete and Repete were in a boat. Pete fell out who was left?
Repete.
Pete and Repete were in a boat. Pete fell out who was left?
Repete.
Pete and Repete were in a boat. Pete fell out who was left?
Repete.
Repeat process until your friend gets annoyed. :)
 

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
 

Sam: Wanna hear a joke?
Joe: Yes.
Sam: Na, I don't want to, just kitten!
 

The real estate agent says, "I have a good, cheap apartment for you."
The man replies, "By the week or by the month?"
The agent answers, "By the garbage dump."
 

There were three male dogs, a Golden Retriever, a Lab, and Chihuahua, walking down the street. On their walk, they met a beautiful French Poodle. They all ran up to the poodle. The poodle says to the three dogs, "Since you all want to marry me, whoever can say liver and cheese in a complete sentence will get to marry me."
The Golden Retriever says, "I love liver and cheese."
The poodle replied, "How childish"
The Lab says, "I hate liver and cheese."
"You're hopeless," said the poodle.
The Chihuahua says, "Liver alone, cheese mine."
 

Erin: Hey Taya, did you hear the joke about the bed?
Taya: No, what is it?
Erin: Never mind, it hasn't been made up yet.
 

Teacher: If you had five apples on your desk and the boy next to you took two, what would you get?
Billy: A fight!
 

Milkman: Are you sure you want 50 quarts of milk?
Woman: Yes, my doctor told me to take a bath of milk.
Milkman: Would you like it pasteurized?
Woman: No, just up to my neck please.
 

There were 2 cats looking into a green canary's cage. The first cat said to the second cat, "That's not a canary, it's green!"
The second cat said, "I don't know, maybe it's not ripe yet!"
 

Doctor: Next please!
Patient: Can you help me out please?
Doctor: Which way did you come in?
 

One day three women walked into a bar. The bartender said that if they looked into the mirror and told the truth they would get $10,000.00. But if they told a lie, they would disappear forever.

The first girl went up and said, "I think I'm the prettiest one in the bar." She got $10,000.00.

The next girl went up and said, "I think I'm the smartest one in the bar." She got $10,000.00 too.

The last girl went up and said, "I think..." and POOF, she was gone.
 

When Dad came home he was astonished to see Alec sitting on a horse writing something. "What on earth are you doing up there?" Dad asked.
"Well the teacher told us to write an essay on our favourite animal. That's why I'm up here and sitting on the goldfish bowl!"
 

Once there was a boy who needed to do his home work. His homework was to write down his family's favourite words.
So when he got home he asked his mom who was listening to the radio, "What is your favourite word mom?"
"Shut up!" So he wrote that down.
Then he went to his dad who was watching football and his favourite team had just scored a goal, so the little boy asked his dad,"What is your favourite word dad?"
"Yeah!" So he wrote that down.
Next he went to his big sister and he asked her, "What is your favourite word?"
She was listening to her favourite CD and said, "A lollipop, a lollipop, a lollipop." So he wrote that down.
Next he went to his brother. He was watching the end of Batman, he asked him, "What is your favourite word?"
"Nananananananana Batman!" so he wrote that down.
Then he went to his baby sister who was playing with her cars. So he asked her, "What is your favourite word?"
"Voom, voom car, a voom, voom car." So he wrote that down.
The next day at school, the teacher asked him to share his homework with the class
He said, "Shut up!"
The teacher said, "Do you want to go to the principal's office?"
"Yeah!"
"What do you think you deserve?"
"A lollipop, a lollipop, a lollipop."
"Who do you think you are?"
"Nananananananana Batman!"
"What do you think you are going to get away with?"
"Voom, voom car, a voom, voom car."
 

Why is it called "rush hour" when nobody moves?
 

A boy was told to write a 100 word essay. He thought for a bit then started. 'I went out to call my cat in for the night, so I called 'kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty...'
 

There was once a cookie saying, "I'm a cookie, I'm a cookie, I'm a cookie."
A lady came along and told him to be quiet. She poked him in the middle. Then the cookie looked at his stomach and said, "I'm a donut, I'm a donut, I'm a donut."
 

There were three pigs and they walked into a restaurant. The waiter said, "What do you want to eat?" The first pig ordered fish and chips the second ordered pizza and the third ordered water.

The waiter came again and said, "What do you want for dessert?" The first pig wanted custard, the second some cake and the third wanted water again. The waiter said, "Why do you always have water?"
The pig replied, "Because one of us has to go wee, wee, wee all the way home!"
 

Patient: Doctor, doctor. I feel invisible.
Doctor: What? What? Who said that?
 

Mother: Swimming makes you slim and trim.
Son: I don't think that's true.
Mother: Why?
Son: Look at the ducks, they are fat and stout!
 

"Ggggggggggggggggggggggggggg," said the frog.
"You've got a frog in your throat," said the other frog.
 

Person 1: Did you hear about the ball player they put in jail?
Person 2: No.
Person 1: He stole all the bases!
 

"Explain the theory of expansion and contraction," the teacher asked one of the pupils.
"A substance expands when it is heated and contracts when it is cooled."
"No wonder we have a long vacation in summer and a short one in winter," remarked another pupil.
 

Jokes continue below video…

Art teacher: Mimi, I told the class to draw a horse and cart, but you have only drawn a horse!
Mimi: Yes sir, the horse will draw the cart!
 

Bob: I lost my dog today.
Bill: So put an ad in the paper.
Bob: What good would that do? My dog can't read.
 

1st Cannibal: Am I late for dinner?
2nd Cannibal: Yes, every one's eaten.
 

Mary had a little lamb,
But the lamb started to tease her.
Mary said, "STOP!"
But the lamb refused
So now it's in the freezer.
 

There was a really dumb girl and she failed a test. Her teacher wanted her to come in after school and make it up. On the note home to her parents the teacher wrote: Make up test.
The following day the girl brought lipstick and eye shadow to school.
 

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
"Wow," said her father, "that was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"
"Wrong number," replied the girl.
 

A little boy stops in front of a church with his bike and he sees the priest come out. The priest says, "Come inside, I want to show you something." The little boy says to the priest, "But somebody will steal my bike." The priest says to him, "Don't worry, the Holy Spirit will watch it."
So the little boy goes inside and the priest says, "Let me show you how to do the sign of the cross. In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, Amen. Now, you try it." So the boy says, "In the name of the Father and the Son, Amen." The priest asks, "What happened to the Holy Spirit?" The boy replied "He's outside,
watching my bike."
 

Teacher: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
John: You told me to do it without using tables.
 

Nani: A man walks into a library and says fghgfhvyjj tytutyhhrty. What does the man want?
Cristira: What?
Nani: I don't know, I am not the librarian!
 

Teacher: Have you completed the work at home?
Student: No, sir.
Teacher (angrily): Why?
Student: Because my father has hired servants to do the work at home.
 

Patron: Waiter, what's this Praying Mantis doing in my soup?
Waiter: Saying grace.
 

An elephant asked an ant, "Please hide me." So the ant replied, "Hide behind me."
 

Bill: My sister has lovely long red hair all down her back.
Will: Pity it's not on her head.
 

Teacher: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
Simon: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
 

One day, Ah Meng asked Siew Lee, "Why do lions eat raw meat?"
Siew Lee said, "Because they are wild animals?"
Ah Meng said, "Wrong! They eat raw meat because they can't cook!"
 

A lady came to a shop and got 14 scoops of ice cream with nuts. The man behind the counter asked, "Do you want a cherry with that?"
The lady replied, "No, I'm on a diet."
 

On the day before Thanksgiving there was a parrot who said bad words a lot. His owner got so annoyed he stuffed the parrot in the freezer. After the owner had calmed down he got the parrot out of the freezer, the parrot politely asked, "May I ask what the turkey did?"
 

See this finger here? Yesterday I whacked it with a hammer. I think I hit the wrong nail!
 

Principal: Well, Ronald, I hear you missed the first day back to school.
Ronald: Yeah, but I didn't miss it very much.
 

A man walks into a dental office and says to the dentist, "I think I'm a moth."
The dentist says, "What!"
The man says, "I think I'm a moth."
The dentists says, "You need a phsycologist, not a dentist. Why'd you come in here?"
The man says, "Because your light was on."

 

There was a family of tomatoes, the father tomato, the mother tomato and the baby tomato. They were walking down the road one day and baby tomato kept lagging behind. So finally the father tomato went back and stepped on him and said, "Catch up!"
 

There was a man and he was walking a lion on the side of the street when a policeman came and said, "Sir please don't walk your lion on the side of the street because its very dangerous. Why don't you take him to the zoo?!"
The man agreed with him and took his lion to the zoo.

The next day the policeman saw the man walking his lion again and told him the same thing but the man said, "I already took him to the zoo and he liked it a lot, now I'm going to take him to the movies."
 

A man tried to sell me a coffin today and I said, "That's the last thing I need!"
 

A teacher asked a girl, "How was the Red Sea formed?"
The girl said, "Sorry Miss, I don't know who painted it."
 

A man is in the hospital and he can't talk. All of a sudden the man's wife comes in the room and stands in the corner. The man starts to act like something's wrong. So the doctor gives him a sheet of paper and pencil. The man writes something down and as soon as he finishes he folds the paper and dies. The doctor gets the note and gives it to the wife. She is curious she reads the note. It said, "You are standing on my oxygen cord."
 

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