Read our collection of spook-tacular halloween jokes for kids! All our jokes and riddles have been screened to ensure they are appropriate for children. Share them with your kids and friends. Did you know that riddles promote creative thinking in children? Why not memorize a few and share them at home, on the go or in the classroom. Halloween jokes and riddles for kids by kids.
Read our collection of funny jokes, riddles and knock knock jokes about skeletons, ghouls, vampires, ghosts, and everything Halloween! Many of these jokes have been submitted by kids visiting our playhouse. We know these jokes will make you and your kids laugh out loud! :D
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Q. How do you make a witch itch?
A. Take away her W.
Q. What kind of candy won't a ghost touch?
A. Life Savers.
Q. What song do vampires hate?
A. Here Comes The Sun!
Q. Why do witches fly around on broomsticks?
A. Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy!
Q. Where do movie stars go on Halloween?
Q. What does a ghost keep in its stable?
Q. Where do you go when a ghost is chasing you?
A. To the living room!
Q. Why can't Dracula play baseball?
A. He lost his bat.
Q. What do vampires sing on New Year's Eve?
A. Auld Fang Syne!
Q. Why didn't the mummy answer the phone?
A. He was all tied up!
Q. What do you get when you cross a hot dog and Halloween?
A. A Hallo-weenie!
Q. What street does a vampire live on?
A. A dead end!
Q. Why didn't the skeleton want to go to the dance?
A. Because he had no body to go with.
Q. What do goblins and ghosts drink when they're hot and thirsty on Halloween?
Q. What's a vampire's favourite part of the guitar?
A. The neck.
Q. What do monsters order in fast food restaurants?
A. French FRIGHTS!
Q. What do skeletons say at the front door?
A. "Crick or creak!"
Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Q. Where do baby ghosts go when their mom goes to work?
A. A scare centre!
Q. Why did the vampires cancel the baseball game?
A. Because they couldn't find their bats.
Q. What's a monster's favourite game?
A. Swallow the Leader!
Q. What does Dracula say when he doesn't have good news?
A. "I have BAT news, everyone!"
Q. What song do vampires hate?
A. "You are my sunshine!"
Q. What does a bird say on Halloween?
A. Twick or tweet!
Q. What do vampires never order at a cafe?
A. A STAKE sandwich!
Q. What did the witch have for snack?
A. A sandwich.
Q. Why did the skeleton go scuba diving?
A. Because he wanted to get some muscles!
Q. Why couldn't the skeleton laugh?
A. Because he lost his funny bone.
Q. What do you call a skeleton that lies on its grave?
A. Lazy bones!
Q. Why did the vampire give up acting?
A. Because he couldn't find a part he could sink his teeth into.
Q. What is a popular search engine for ghosts?
Q. What do you call a mummy eating in bed?
A. A crummy mummy.
Q. What is a hotdog's favorite phrase?
A. Happy HalloWEINIE!
Q. Why is it hard for a ghost to tell a lie?
A. Because you can see right through him.
Q. What is Dracula's favourite fruit?
A. A nectarine.
Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.
Q. Why do people like vampires so much?
A. Because they are FANGtastic!
Q. What do you call two witches who share a broom?
A. Broom mates.
Q. What do ghosts serve for dessert?
A. I scream.
Q. Why did the skeleton stand in the corner during his prom?
A. He had no body to dance with!
Q. What do you get when you cross a ghost and a goblin?
A. I don't know, but it doesn't sound good to me!
Q. What is a mummy's favorite kind of music?
Q. What is a skeleton's favourite drink?
A. Milk, it's white and good for your bones.
Q. How do ghosts like their eggs?
Q. What is the radius of a pumpkin?
Q. What room can't ghosts go in?
A. The LIVING room!
Q. Why did the Cyclops close his school?
A. Because he only had one pupil.
Q. What is worse than being a three hundred pound witch?
A. Being her broom.
Q. Why don't mummies take vacations?
A. They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.
Q. What kind of dog does a vampire have?
A. A bloodhound.
Q. Why did the skeleton go to the store?
A. To get some spare ribs.
Q. What do you do when you see a ghost?
A. Run away of course!
Q. What did the werewolf eat after he'd had his teeth cleaned?
A. The dentist.
Q. What did the skeleton say before a meal?
A. Bone appetite!
Q. Why don't you eat ghosts?
A. They'll go right through you.
Q. What time is it when you see costumes, a house, candy and hear trick-or-treat?
Q. What did the skeleton say after dinner?
A. "Everything I eat goes right through me!"
Q. What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
A. Any old girl he can dig up.
Q. What did the little ghost say to his mom?
A. "I've got a boo boo."
Q. Who did Dracula take to the movies?
A. His GHOUL friend.
Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!
Q. Why did the ghost join the team?
A. They needed more spirit!
Q. What did the vampire bring to the baseball field?
A. His bats!
Q. What do ghosts say to one another to show that they care?
A. "I love BOO!"
Q. What do ghosts serve for dessert?
A. Ice SCREAM and BOOberries!
Q. What is Dracula's favorite fruit?
A. A Blood Orange.
Q. What did the skeleton order with his drink?
A. A mop.
Q. What do you call an overweight pumpkin?
A. A plumpkin!
Q. What do you call candy corn?
A. Pumpkin poop!
Q. Why don't skeletons fight?
A. Because they don't have the guts!
Q. What do you call a nervous witch?
A. A twitch.
Q. What do you call a dead person in the closet?
A. The 1966 hide-and-go-seek champion.
Q. Why can't you tell a skeleton a secret?
A. Because it goes in one ear and out the other.
Q. What does a ghost call his mom and dad?
A. His transparents.
Q. How do you know if a vampire has a sore throat?
A. You can hear him coughin'.
Knock knock Jokes
Wolves say who?
Wolves say Happy HOWL-oween!
No, no, don't cry! I was just kidding.
Ivana suck your blood.
Orange you glad it's Halloween?!
The ghost and the invisible man
The ghost and the invisible man who?
Long time no see!
Didn't mean to scare you!
A ghost had been staying in a bed and breakfast hotel and when he came down for dinner he asked the waitress, "Please can I have two eggs, one tough and one rubbery, really tough bacon and burned, fried bread?"
The waitress said, "Sir, we really can't serve that kind of horrid food here."
The ghost replied, "Well, you did yesterday!"
Monster: It is a very hot day today!
Witch: So, can I make you a lemonade?
Witch: Poof! You're lemonade!
Patty came up to a boy with a sheet over his head on Halloween and asked, "Are you a ghost?"
The boy replied, "No, of course not! I'm an unmade bed!"
A skeleton walks in to a bar. He goes to the bartender and says, "I'm going to need a beer and a mop."
A guy named Billie Bob Joe goes to a costume dress party with a girl on his back.
Harold, answering the door: What are you supposed to be?
Billie Bob Joe: A turtle.
Harold: What do you mean?
Billie Bob Joe: The girl on my back is Michelle.
A skeleton went to the doctor. The doctor looked at the skeleton and said, "Aren't you a little late?"
Robert: Did you hear about the goblin that lost his left leg and his left arm?
Alan: No, is he ok?
Robert: Yes. He's all right now!
Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire.
Doctor: Drink this glass of water.
Patient: Will it make me better?
Doctor: No, but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.
... more Halloween fun.
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