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Funny animal jokes for Kids

Animal Jokes for Kids

Read our collection of funny animal jokes for kids! All our jokes and riddles have been screened to ensure they are appropriate for kids. Share them with your kids and friends. Did you know that riddles promote creative thinking in children? Why not memorize a few and share them at home, on the go or in the classroom. Animal jokes and riddles for kids by kids.

Why were the hyenas laughing? They were reading Squigly's jokes and riddles! These are jokes about any creature that walks, swims, crawls or flies! Animal riddles are for everyone! Read our collection of funny jokes, riddles and knock knock jokes! Many of these jokes have been submitted by kids visiting our playhouse. We know these jokes will make you laugh out loud! :D

Riddles

Q. What is black and white and red all over?
A. A penguin doing 100 push ups.

Q. How does a elephant get out of a tree?
A. He climbs on a leaf and waits till autumn!

Q. How do you know clams are lazy?
A. They are always in their beds.

Q. Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
A. Because he wanted to see his flat mate!

Q. What do cows say at Christmas?
A. MOOey Christmas!

Q. What do you get when you cross a moose and a ghost?
A. A cariboo!

Q. What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
A. One is really heavy. The other is a little lighter.

Q. What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
A. Time to get a new fence.

Q. Why is the ocean always grumpy?
A. You'd be grumpy too if you had crabs on your bottom!

Q. What is black and white and red all over?
A. A zebra with the chicken pox.

Q. What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
A. Open TOAD sandals.

Q. What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A. A pouch potato.

Q. Why do fish live in salt water?
A. Because pepper water would make them sneeze!

Q. How do you hunt for elephants?
A. Hide in a bush and make a noise like a peanut.

Q. What goes down but never goes up?
A. An elephant in an elevator.

Q. Which animal is the oldest in the world?
A. The zebra because it's still black and white.

Q. How do you catch a rabbit?
A. Make a noise like a carrot.

Q. What do cows like to put on their sandwiches?
A. MOOstard!

Q. How do you get fat free milk?
A. From a skinny cow!

Q. Why did the turtle cross the street?
A. To get to the Shell station.

Q. When does a zebra soldier get to be a sergeant?
A. When he earns his stripes.

Q. What animal should you not play cards with?
A. A Cheetah!

Q. What do you get when you cross a pig with a dinosaur?
A. Jurassic Pork.

Q. Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A. Yes, because the Empire State Building can't jump!

Q. What's the biggest type of moth?
A. A mammoth.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To show the possums how it's done.

Q. What do you call a polar bear in the desert?
A. Lost.

Q. Why do birds fly south in the winter?
A. Because it's too far to walk!

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To get to the other side.

Q. Why can't you take a test in the zoo?
A. There are too many cheetahs!

Q. What did the snail say when he was riding on the back of a turtle?
A. "Weeeee!"

Q. What did the dragon say after laying 50 eggs?
A. "I'm EGGShausted!"

Q. What animal carries an umbrella around?
A. A reindeer!

Q. How do you make a swordfish like the library?
A. Take away the S in its name!

Q. What's brown and blue and swings through the jungle?
A. A monkey wearing a denim jacket!

Q. How does a rabbit throw a tantrum?
A. He gets hopping mad.

Q. What is the cat's favorite button on the remote?
A. Paws.

Q. What's an angry bull's favourite drink?
A. Red Bull.

Riddles continue below video…

Q. What sort of appliance does a monkey use?
A. A gorilla. (A griller)

Q. What kind of musical instrument do rats play?
A. Mouse organs.

Q. Where do dogs go when they lose their tail?
A. To the reTAIL store.

Q. What bird is always sad?
A. A blue-bird.

Q. Why don't they play cards in Africa?
A. There are too many Cheetahs!

Q. What do you get if you cross a bee and a bunny?
A. A honey bunny!

Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A. No idea. (No eye deer)

Q. What has two heads, one tail and six legs?
A. A man on a horse.

Q. Why was the elephant afraid of the computer store?
A. Because they sold the world's best mice.

Q. Why does a Koala carry its baby on its back?
A. Because they can't push a pram up a tree!

Q. How do you stop a mouse from squealing?
A. Oil it.

Q. Which day is mostly avoided by fish?
A. FRYday!

Q. What do you get with a kangoroo and a snake?
A. A jump rope.

Q. What 2 animals have the same last name?
A. The donKEY and the monKEY.

Q. You are trapped in a room and there are 3 doors. Each door has something behind it. The first door has two hungry lions that have not eaten in four years. The second door has electric lasers all across the room. The third has three ninjas ready to attack. Which door would you pick to go through?
A. The first because the lions would be dead if they have not eaten for 4 years!

Q. What did the spider do when he went on his computer?
A. He went on his web site!

Q. How do you make a cow float?
A. Root beer, ice cream, a cherry, and a cow.

Q. How do you make a goldfish age?
A. Take away the g in goldfish.

Q. What do you call a blind dinosaur?
A. Doyouthinkhesarus?

Q. Why don't you see penguins in Britian?
A. They're afraid of Wales!

Q. There are 5 fish and 2 drown. How many are left?
A. Fish don't drown.

Q. What do you call a reptile that sings?
A. A RAPtile!

Q. How do you eat an elephant?
A. One bite at a time.

Q. What do you call an Italian cow that likes coffee?
A. De-calf.

Q. What did the elephant say to her son when he was naughty?
A. "Tusk tusk!"

Q. What do polar bears like to snack on?
A. Eskimo thighs.

Q. What place has the most cows?
A. Moo York. (New York)

Q. Why do you never ask a dinosaur to read you a story?
A. Because their tales are so long.

Q. What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A. A milkshake!

Q. What kind of place should you never take a dog?
A. To the Flea Market.

Q. Why do ducks have webbed feet?
A. To stomp out forest fires.

Q. There is a horse tied to a rope five yards long. Ten yards away there is hay. The horse is eating the hay, how did he get there?
A. The rope isn't tied to anything.

Q. Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant?
A. Because he had a big bill.

Q. What do you call a cow with no legs?
A. Ground beef.

Q. Where is the best place to leave a dog when you go to a ball game?
A. In the barking lot.

Q. How do you stop a dog from barking in the back seat of your car?
A. Have him sit in front with you.

Q. Where does a cow go when he's bored?
A. To the MOOvies.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Amos
Amos who?
Amos quito just bit me, boo hoo!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don't know
To get to your house.
---
Knock, knock
Who's there?
The chicken!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
A parrot
A parrot who?
A parrot who?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Who
Who who?
I didn't know you were an owl!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrup...
Moooooooo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cows go
Cows go who?
No, cows go moo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Twit
Twit who?
Did anyone else hear an owl?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Owls
Owls who?
That's correct, owls who!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Lionel
Lionel who?
Lionel bite you if you don't watch out!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Three pigs
Three pigs who?
Three pigs who can't reach the doorbell.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Some bunny
Some bunny who?
Some bunny has been eating my carrots!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gorilla
Gorilla who?
Gorilla me a hamburger!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dinosaur
Dinosaur who?
Dinosaurs don't go who, they go ROAR!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Monkey
Monkey who?
Monkey see. Monkey do.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dasum
Dasum who?
Dasum cute dog!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cobra
Cobra who?
Go brush your teeth!!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Kanga
Kanga who?
No, Kangaroo!

Jokes

One day, Ah Meng asked Siew Lee, "Why do lions eat raw meat?"
Siew Lee said, "Because they are wild animals?"
Ah Meng said, "Wrong! They eat raw meat because they can't cook!"
 

A guy and his elephant are driving and get pulled over. The policeman says, "You need to take the elephant to the zoo." So the guy took his elephant to the zoo.

The next day, the same policeman pulls over the same guy and elephant. The policeman says, "I told you to take the elephant to the zoo."
The guy says, "I did yesterday, today we are going to a baseball game."
 

A man decided to start a chicken farm and brought 24 to get started. A week later he bought another 24 and another 24 the week after that. When his friend asked how his chicken farm was coming along the man replied, "Not one of them has grown yet. I wonder if I'm planting them too deep?"
 

There were 2 cats looking into a green canary's cage. The first cat said to the second cat, "That's not a canary, it's green!"
The second cat said, "I don't know, maybe it's not ripe yet!"
 

Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said, "Oh, come on, let's eat the sandwiches."
Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!"
 

A first grade teacher was telling her students the story of "Chicken Little." She got to the part when Chicken Little ran up to the Farmer saying, "The sky is falling. The sky is falling." Then the teacher paused and asked the kids what they thought the farmer said. One little girl raised her hand and the teacher called on her. The little girl then said, "I think the farmer said Holy cow, a talking chicken!"
 

A horse walked into the bar and the bartender said, "Why the long face?"
 

There were three male dogs, a Golden Retriever, a Lab, and Chihuahua, walking down the street. On their walk, they met a beautiful French Poodle. They all ran up to the poodle. The poodle says to the three dogs, "Since you all want to marry me, whoever can say liver and cheese in a complete sentence will get to marry me."
The Golden Retriever says, "I love liver and cheese."
The poodle replied, "How childish"
The Lab says, "I hate liver and cheese."
"You're hopeless," said the poodle.
The Chihuahua says, "Liver alone, cheese mine."
 

There were two cows standing in a field talking to each other. They were talking about Mr. Brown's cows having Mad Cow Disease, when one of the cows said, "It's a good thing we're chickens."
 

A woman walks into a bar and sits down next to a guy near a dog. The woman asks, "Does your dog bite?"
The guy replied,"No."
The woman reached down to pet the dog and it bit her. "I thought you said he didn't bite," she yelled.
"That's not my dog," he yelled!
 

"Ggggggggggggggggggggggggggg," said the frog.
"You've got a frog in your throat," said the other frog.
 

There were two sisters and they had $700 to spend on a bull. So one sister stayed home and looked after the farm while the other went to the auction. The sister brought the bull for $699 so she went to the post office and asked how much it was to send a telegram. It was $1 a word. So she told the man to send the word: Comfortable. (Come-for-the-bull.)
 

Snake 1: I hope I'm not poisonous.
Snake 2: Why?
Snake 1: Because I just bit my tongue.
 

Down in the south where coconuts grow, an elephant stepped on a mosquito's toe. The mosquito jumped up with tears in his eyes and said, "Excuse me but you're not my size."
 

Three pigs walked into a restaurant and the waiter asked them what they would like to drink. The first pig wanted Coke, the second Sprite and the third wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter came back to ask for the main course and the first pig wanted salad, the second wanted chicken and the third pig wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter came back and asked for their dessert choices. The first pig wanted cake, the second wanted cupcakes and the third pig wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter was curious and asked the third pig, "Why do you want so much water?"
The third little pig smiled and said, "I'm the little pig that goes, wee, wee, wee all the way home"
 

A guy named Billie Bob Joe goes to a costume dress party with a girl on his back.

Harold, answering the door: What are you supposed to be?
Billie Bob Joe: A turtle.
Harold: What do you mean?
Billie Bob Joe: The girl on my back is Michelle.
 

There were three pigs and they walked into a restaurant. The waiter said, "What do you want to eat?" The first pig ordered fish and chips the second ordered pizza and the third ordered water.

The waiter came again and said, "What do you want for dessert?" The first pig wanted custard, the second some cake and the third wanted water again. The waiter said, "Why do you always have water?"
The pig replied, "Because one of us has to go wee, wee, wee all the way home!"
 

Two turtles were walking across the road, when suddenly a bright red car came racing around the corner and straight for them, one said to the other, "RUN!"
 

There were 3 cats, The first cat said, "Meow."
Second cat said, "Meow."
Third cat said, "Meow, meow."
The first cat said, "Don't change the subject."
 

An elephant asked an ant, "Please hide me." So the ant replied, "Hide behind me."
 

There was a man who bought a camel. The previous owner told him that to make it walk, say "few," to make it run, say "many" and to make it stop say "amen". So one day the man decided to have a practise ride. He said "few" and the camel started walking, he said "many" and it started running, right towards the edge of a cliff. But the man forgot how to make it stop, so, panicking, he shouted out "Lord save me, Lord save me, Amen" and of course the camel stopped - at the VERY edge. Relieved the man said to himself, "Phew, that was clo-aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
 

If pigs could fly, imagine what their wings would taste like!
 

Mary had a little lamb,
But the lamb started to tease her.
Mary said, "STOP!"
But the lamb refused
So now it's in the freezer.
 

A man walked into a pub and bought a sandwich, then a panda walked into the pub and stole the sandwich, ate it, shoots the barman and leaves. So the man goes out and says to the panda, "Why did you eat my sandwich, shoot the barman and then just leave?"
The panda says, "Look panda up in the dictionary."
So he looked Panda up and read: Eats shoots and leaves.
 

One day a big tortoise, a middle sized tortoise and a small tortoise went into a cafe. They ordered three banana splits. While they were waiting they noticed it had begun to rain. "Look at that," said the big tortoise, "we should have brought our umbrella."
"You're right," said the middle tortoise. "Let's send the little one back to get it."
"I'll go," said the little one. "But only if you promise not to eat my banana split."
The big tortoise and the middle tortoise promised.

A few days later the big tortoise said to the middle tortoise, "Come on, let's eat his banana spilt any way."
"All right," said the middle tortoise.
At that moment the little tortoise shouted from the end of the cafe, "You do that and I won't get your umbrella!"
 

Once there was a scientist doing a test on a frog. He told the frog to jump, so it jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "4 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off one of the frog's front legs and said, "Jump." The frog jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "3 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off the frog's other front leg and said, "Jump," and the frog jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "2 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off one of the frog's back legs and said, "Jump," and the frog jumped. So the scientist wrote in his notes, "1 leg jump."

Then the scientist cut off the last leg and said, "Jump," and the frog didn't move. So the scientist said it again, but it still didn't move, so in his notes the scientist wrote, "No legs-goes deaf."
 

Peter: Mother, why is a snail stronger than an elephant?
Mother: I don't know.
Peter: Because a snail can carry its own home, but an elephant can only carry its own trunk.
 

LaKesheauna: My dentist put his finger in a lion's mouth to see how many teeth it had.
Latangela: What did the lion do?
LaKesheauna: It closed its mouth to see how many fingers my dentist had.
 

The pillow asks the teddy bear, "Do you want an ice cream sundae?" The bear says, "No thanks, I'm stuffed!"
 

When my brother told me to stop impersonating a flamingo I had to put my foot down.
 

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