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Funny animal jokes for Kids

Animal Jokes for Kids

Read our collection of funny animal jokes for kids! All our jokes and riddles have been screened to ensure they are appropriate for kids. Share them with your kids and friends. Did you know that riddles promote creative thinking in children? Why not memorize a few and share them at home, on the go or in the classroom. Animal jokes and riddles for kids by kids.

Why were the hyenas laughing? They were reading Squigly's jokes and riddles! These are jokes about any creature that walks, swims, crawls or flies! Animal riddles are for everyone! Read our collection of funny jokes, riddles and knock knock jokes! Many of these jokes have been submitted by kids visiting our playhouse. We know these jokes will make you laugh out loud! :D

Riddles

Q. Why did the elephant float down the river on his back?
A. So he wouldn't get his tennis shoes wet.

Q. How do you make a goldfish age?
A. Take away the g in goldfish.

Q. What kind of motorcycle does a pig drive?
A. A hog!

Q. Where is the best place to leave a dog when you go to a ball game?
A. In the barking lot.

Q. What did one lion say to another when they saw some hunters in a jeep?
A. "Look, meals on wheels!"

Q. How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?
A. You open the door and put the elephant in and then close the door.

Q. What do a duck and a tricycle have in common?
A. They both have a steering wheel, except for the duck.

Q. A skunk, a frog and a duck wanted to go to the movies. The movies cost a dollar, which animal got to go?
A. The frog because it was the only one with a greenback.

Q. What is black, white and red?
A. A panda with a rash!

Q. What do you call a chimp that likes to eat potato chips?
A. A chip-monk!

Q. What dog loves to take a shower?
A. A shamPOODLE.

Q. What do fish eat for lunch?
A. SANDwiches!

Q. How do you catch a rabbit?
A. Make a noise like a carrot.

Q. What do you get if you cross a bee and a bunny?
A. A honey bunny!

Q. What do you call a kangaroo that sneezes alot?
A. A kanga-choo.

Q. How do you stop a dog from barking in the back seat of your car?
A. Have him sit in front with you.

Q. What does a frog eat with his hamburger?
A. French Flies!

Q. Where do horses go when they are sick?
A. HORSEpital.

Q. What do you get if you cross a cow with a smurf?
A. Blue cheese!

Q. What do you call a Christmas duck?
A. A Christmas quacker!

Q. What do you get if you cross a porcupine and a giraffe?
A. A seven metre long toothbrush!

Q. What did the cat say when he fell off the table?
A. "Me ow!"

Q. Where does a cow go when he's bored?
A. To the MOOvies.

Q. What was Mr. Cow and Mrs. Cow's favorite time together?
A. When they went on their honeyMOOn.

Q. What's black and white and red all over?
A. A sunburned zebra!

Q. What kind of place should you never take a dog?
A. To the Flea Market.

Q. Why did the horse cross the road?
A. To get to the other NEIGH-bourhood.

Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A. No idea. (No eye deer)

Q. What is a pampered cow?
A. Spoiled milk.

Q. What do you get with a kangoroo and a snake?
A. A jump rope.

Q. Why did the hot dog wear a sweater?
A. Because it was a chili dog!

Q. What do you call a cow with a twitch?
A. Beef jerky.

Q. Why do birds fly south in the winter?
A. Because it's too far to walk!

Q. What animal has more lives than a cat?
A. A frog because it croaks every night!

Q. Where do dogs go when they lose their tail?
A. To the reTAIL store.

Q. What did the elephant say to her son when he was naughty?
A. "Tusk tusk!"

Q. Where do famous dragons go after they retire?
A. The hall of flame!

Q. What do you get when you cross a monkey and a pansy?
A. A chimpansy.

Riddles continue below video…

Q. What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A. What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?

Q. What is a cow's favourite drink?
A. MOO Juice.

Q. What does it mean when you find a horseshoe?
A. A poor horse is going barefoot!

Q. What's better than a talking dog?
A. A spelling bee!

Q. If there was a spelling test, which animal would win?
A. The bee!

Q. What goes BOUNCE! OUCH! BOUNCE! OUCH! BOUNCE! OUCH?
A. A kangaroo in a room with a low ceiling!

Q. Where do sheep get their hair cut?
A. At the bah bah shop.

Q. What is grey, has a tail and a trunk?
A. A mouse going on a vacation.

Q. Why don't they play cards in Africa?
A. There are too many Cheetahs!

Q. Why is the ocean always grumpy?
A. You'd be grumpy too if you had crabs on your bottom!

Q. Why do elephants have trunks?
A. They'd look pretty stupid with glove compartments.

Q. What is a cow's favorite ice cream?
A. MOOnila!

Q. What planet is full of cows?
A. The MOOn!

Q. Where do fish keep their money?
A. In the riverbank.

Q. Why did the frog cross the road?
A. Because he wanted to show his girlfriend he had guts.

Q. What's a cow's favourite drink?
A. LeMOOnade.

Q. Why did the cow go to Hollywood?
A. She wanted to be a movie star.

Q. What do you call a bear with no ears?
A. B.

Q. What do you call a cow with no legs?
A. Ground beef.

Q. You are trapped in a room and there are 3 doors. Each door has something behind it. The first door has two hungry lions that have not eaten in four years. The second door has electric lasers all across the room. The third has three ninjas ready to attack. Which door would you pick to go through?
A. The first because the lions would be dead if they have not eaten for 4 years!

Q. How did the dog get splinters in his tongue?
A. He ate table scraps.

Q. What does a panda ghost eat?
A. Bam-BOO!

Q. What do you call a blind dinosaur?
A. Doyouthinkhesarus?

Q. What is big, grey and has a lot of red bumps?
A. An elephant that was stung by a lot of bees!

Q. Which animal is the oldest in the world?
A. The zebra because it's still black and white.

Q. What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left for school?
A. Bison!

Q. What do mice feel like when they come out of the shower?
A. Squeaky clean!

Q. How do you spell mousetrap with ONLY three letters?
A. C-A-T!

Q. What do you call a donkey with 3 legs?
A. A wonkey.

Q. What do beavers like on their salad?
A. Branch dressing.

Q. What did the cat need when it was having trouble seeing?
A. A PURRscription!

Q. What do frogs drink?
A. Croak-a-cola.

Q. What kind of bats swing upside down?
A. AcroBATS!

Q. Why was the walrus late for the party?
A. His iceberg ran into a ship!

Q. What do you get when you mix a bear and a skunk?
A. Winnie-The-Phew!

Q. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A. A dino-snore!

Q. Where do cows stay when they go on vacation?
A. MOO-tels!

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Amos
Amos who?
Amos quito just bit me, boo hoo!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don't know
To get to your house.
---
Knock, knock
Who's there?
The chicken!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
A parrot
A parrot who?
A parrot who?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Who
Who who?
I didn't know you were an owl!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrup...
Moooooooo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cows go
Cows go who?
No, cows go moo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Twit
Twit who?
Did anyone else hear an owl?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Owls
Owls who?
That's correct, owls who!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Lionel
Lionel who?
Lionel bite you if you don't watch out!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Three pigs
Three pigs who?
Three pigs who can't reach the doorbell.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Some bunny
Some bunny who?
Some bunny has been eating my carrots!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gorilla
Gorilla who?
Gorilla me a hamburger!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dinosaur
Dinosaur who?
Dinosaurs don't go who, they go ROAR!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Monkey
Monkey who?
Monkey see. Monkey do.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dasum
Dasum who?
Dasum cute dog!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cobra
Cobra who?
Go brush your teeth!!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Kanga
Kanga who?
No, Kangaroo!

Jokes

"Ggggggggggggggggggggggggggg," said the frog.
"You've got a frog in your throat," said the other frog.
 

Down in the south where coconuts grow, an elephant stepped on a mosquito's toe. The mosquito jumped up with tears in his eyes and said, "Excuse me but you're not my size."
 

There were three pigs and they walked into a restaurant. The waiter said, "What do you want to eat?" The first pig ordered fish and chips the second ordered pizza and the third ordered water.

The waiter came again and said, "What do you want for dessert?" The first pig wanted custard, the second some cake and the third wanted water again. The waiter said, "Why do you always have water?"
The pig replied, "Because one of us has to go wee, wee, wee all the way home!"
 

Tongue Twister: A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk but the stump thunk the skunk stunk!
 

The pillow asks the teddy bear, "Do you want an ice cream sundae?" The bear says, "No thanks, I'm stuffed!"
 

A man decided to start a chicken farm and brought 24 to get started. A week later he bought another 24 and another 24 the week after that. When his friend asked how his chicken farm was coming along the man replied, "Not one of them has grown yet. I wonder if I'm planting them too deep?"
 

There were three male dogs, a Golden Retriever, a Lab, and Chihuahua, walking down the street. On their walk, they met a beautiful French Poodle. They all ran up to the poodle. The poodle says to the three dogs, "Since you all want to marry me, whoever can say liver and cheese in a complete sentence will get to marry me."
The Golden Retriever says, "I love liver and cheese."
The poodle replied, "How childish"
The Lab says, "I hate liver and cheese."
"You're hopeless," said the poodle.
The Chihuahua says, "Liver alone, cheese mine."
 

A cat died in a house. The servant started crying badly.
Master: It is only a cat that has died, why are you crying so much?
Servant: Master, when the cat was there I used to drink the milk and put the blame on it. Now on whom will I put the blame?
 

One day a big tortoise, a middle sized tortoise and a small tortoise went into a cafe. They ordered three banana splits. While they were waiting they noticed it had begun to rain. "Look at that," said the big tortoise, "we should have brought our umbrella."
"You're right," said the middle tortoise. "Let's send the little one back to get it."
"I'll go," said the little one. "But only if you promise not to eat my banana split."
The big tortoise and the middle tortoise promised.

A few days later the big tortoise said to the middle tortoise, "Come on, let's eat his banana spilt any way."
"All right," said the middle tortoise.
At that moment the little tortoise shouted from the end of the cafe, "You do that and I won't get your umbrella!"
 

Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said, "Oh, come on, let's eat the sandwiches."
Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!"
 

A woman walks into a bar and sits down next to a guy near a dog. The woman asks, "Does your dog bite?"
The guy replied,"No."
The woman reached down to pet the dog and it bit her. "I thought you said he didn't bite," she yelled.
"That's not my dog," he yelled!
 

Three pigs walked into a restaurant and the waiter asked them what they would like to drink. The first pig wanted Coke, the second Sprite and the third wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter came back to ask for the main course and the first pig wanted salad, the second wanted chicken and the third pig wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter came back and asked for their dessert choices. The first pig wanted cake, the second wanted cupcakes and the third pig wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter was curious and asked the third pig, "Why do you want so much water?"
The third little pig smiled and said, "I'm the little pig that goes, wee, wee, wee all the way home"
 

A man walked into a pub and bought a sandwich, then a panda walked into the pub and stole the sandwich, ate it, shoots the barman and leaves. So the man goes out and says to the panda, "Why did you eat my sandwich, shoot the barman and then just leave?"
The panda says, "Look panda up in the dictionary."
So he looked Panda up and read: Eats shoots and leaves.
 

One day a lady entered a pet shop.
Lady: May I have a rabbit for my daughter?
Storekeeper: Sorry Ma'am, we don't do trades.
 

Bob: I lost my dog today.
Bill: So put an ad in the paper.
Bob: What good would that do? My dog can't read.
 

LaKesheauna: My dentist put his finger in a lion's mouth to see how many teeth it had.
Latangela: What did the lion do?
LaKesheauna: It closed its mouth to see how many fingers my dentist had.
 

There were 3 cats, The first cat said, "Meow."
Second cat said, "Meow."
Third cat said, "Meow, meow."
The first cat said, "Don't change the subject."
 

A guy and his elephant are driving and get pulled over. The policeman says, "You need to take the elephant to the zoo." So the guy took his elephant to the zoo.

The next day, the same policeman pulls over the same guy and elephant. The policeman says, "I told you to take the elephant to the zoo."
The guy says, "I did yesterday, today we are going to a baseball game."
 

Mary had a little lamb,
But the lamb started to tease her.
Mary said, "STOP!"
But the lamb refused
So now it's in the freezer.
 

If pigs could fly, imagine what their wings would taste like!
 

There was a man who bought a camel. The previous owner told him that to make it walk, say "few," to make it run, say "many" and to make it stop say "amen". So one day the man decided to have a practise ride. He said "few" and the camel started walking, he said "many" and it started running, right towards the edge of a cliff. But the man forgot how to make it stop, so, panicking, he shouted out "Lord save me, Lord save me, Amen" and of course the camel stopped - at the VERY edge. Relieved the man said to himself, "Phew, that was clo-aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
 

Two turtles were walking across the road, when suddenly a bright red car came racing around the corner and straight for them, one said to the other, "RUN!"
 

There were two cows standing in a field talking to each other. They were talking about Mr. Brown's cows having Mad Cow Disease, when one of the cows said, "It's a good thing we're chickens."
 

One day, Ah Meng asked Siew Lee, "Why do lions eat raw meat?"
Siew Lee said, "Because they are wild animals?"
Ah Meng said, "Wrong! They eat raw meat because they can't cook!"
 

Teacher: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Clyde: No, sir. It's the same dog.
 

There were 2 cats looking into a green canary's cage. The first cat said to the second cat, "That's not a canary, it's green!"
The second cat said, "I don't know, maybe it's not ripe yet!"
 

An elephant asked an ant, "Please hide me." So the ant replied, "Hide behind me."
 

One day a duck waddles into a mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no and the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck waddles into the mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no and the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck does the same and once again the clerk says no and adds if you ask me one more time I will nail your webbed feet to the floor. So the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck waddles into the mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any nails?" The clerk says no. "Then got any grapes?"
 

There were two sisters and they had $700 to spend on a bull. So one sister stayed home and looked after the farm while the other went to the auction. The sister brought the bull for $699 so she went to the post office and asked how much it was to send a telegram. It was $1 a word. So she told the man to send the word: Comfortable. (Come-for-the-bull.)
 

Snake 1: I hope I'm not poisonous.
Snake 2: Why?
Snake 1: Because I just bit my tongue.
 

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