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Funny animal jokes for Kids

Animal Jokes for Kids

Read our collection of funny animal jokes for kids! All our jokes and riddles have been screened to ensure they are appropriate for kids. Share them with your kids and friends. Did you know that riddles promote creative thinking in children? Why not memorize a few and share them at home, on the go or in the classroom. Animal jokes and riddles for kids by kids.

Why were the hyenas laughing? They were reading Squigly's jokes and riddles! These are jokes about any creature that walks, swims, crawls or flies! Animal riddles are for everyone! Read our collection of funny jokes, riddles and knock knock jokes! Many of these jokes have been submitted by kids visiting our playhouse. We know these jokes will make you laugh out loud! :D

Riddles

Q. What goes BOUNCE! OUCH! BOUNCE! OUCH! BOUNCE! OUCH?
A. A kangaroo in a room with a low ceiling!

Q. What do you call a cow with no legs?
A. Ground beef.

Q. Why do gorillas have broad fingers?
A. Because they have large nostrils.

Q. What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
A. Bacon and legs!

Q. Why is getting up in the morning like a pig's tail?
A. It's twirly. (Too early)

Q. What sort of appliance does a monkey use?
A. A gorilla. (A griller)

Q. Why can't a leopard hide?
A. Because he's always spotted!

Q. How do you make a swordfish like the library?
A. Take away the S in its name!

Q. What do you get when you cross a pig with a dinosaur?
A. Jurassic Pork.

Q. What do beavers like on their salad?
A. Branch dressing.

Q. Why did the lamb go to the river?
A. To get a BAA-th!

Q. What did the judge say when the skunk entered the court?
A. "Odor in the court!"

Q. Why did the dog stay out of the sun?
A. So he wouldn't be a hotdog.

Q. What did the elephant say to her son when he was naughty?
A. "Tusk tusk!"

Q. Where do cows stay when they go on vacation?
A. MOO-tels!

Q. What do you get when you cross a lamb and a rocket?
A. A space sheep!

Q. Why did the cow cross the road?
A. To get to the MOOvies.

Q. How do you get fat free milk?
A. From a skinny cow!

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. Because he was tired of living beside KFC!

Q. What do you get if you cross a porcupine and a giraffe?
A. A seven metre long toothbrush!

Q. What dog keeps the best time?
A. A watch-dog.

Q. Why do elephants have trunks?
A. They'd look pretty stupid with glove compartments.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. Because she was getting tired of just standing there!

Q. Who gives presents to baby sharks?
A. Santa Jaws.

Q. What are a shark's favorite games?
A. Swallow the Leader and Go Fish!

Q. What do you get when you cross an octagon with a cat?
A. An octopus.

Q. What 2 animals have the same last name?
A. The donKEY and the monKEY.

Q. Why do you never ask a dinosaur to read you a story?
A. Because their tales are so long.

Q. Why did the horse cross the road?
A. To get to the other NEIGH-bourhood.

Q. What did the monkey sing on Christmas day?
A. Jungle bells, Jungle bells...

Q. What do you get with a kangoroo and a snake?
A. A jump rope.

Q. What does a polar bear use to keep his head warm?
A. A polar ice cap.

Q. Where does a penguin go to visit his aunt?
A. ANT-arctica!

Q. Why did the hot dog wear a sweater?
A. Because it was a chili dog!

Q. Where does a bunny go if you give it a pair of socks?
A. A sock hop.

Q. How do you stop a mouse from squealing?
A. Oil it.

Q. How do you eat an elephant?
A. One bite at a time.

Q. What is black, white and red all over?
A. An embarassed zebra!

Riddles continue below video…

Q. What's black, white and blue all over?
A. A cold zebra.

Q. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A. An investiGATOR!

Q. Why doesn't the elephant use the computer?
A. Because it is afraid of the mouse!

Q. What does a cow grow on its face?
A. A MOOstache.

Q. What do you call a pig that does karate?
A. Pork Chop!

Q. What do eskimos call their cows?
A. Eski-MOOS.

Q. What do you get when you mix a German Shepard and a giraffe?
A. A watch dog for the fifteenth floor!

Q. What kind of shoes do mice like?
A. Squeakers!

Q. What do you get when you cross a moose and a ghost?
A. A cariboo!

Q. What is black and white and red all over?
A. An injured penguin.

Q. Why did the baby chick cross the road?
A. It was take-your-child-to-work day.

Q. What do you call a dark colored horse that really scares you?
A. A nightMARE!

Q. What do you get when you cross a monkey and a pansy?
A. A chimpansy.

Q. Why can't you take a test in the zoo?
A. There are too many cheetahs!

Q. What did the snail say when he was riding on the back of a turtle?
A. "Weeeee!"

Q. If there was a spelling test, which animal would win?
A. The bee!

Q. Sam, Lula, Mike, and Kayla all live in a house. Mike and Kayla went out to the movies and when they got back Lula was on the floor dead in a pile of broken glass and water. Sam was on the couch sleeping and didn't know what happened. How did Lula die?
A. Sam is a dog and Lula is a fish. Sam pushed over the fish bowl.

Q. What planet is full of cows?
A. The MOOn!

Q. Why don't they play cards in Africa?
A. There are too many Cheetahs!

Q. What do you call a tiny rodent?
A. Mini mouse.

Q. What do you call an Italian cow that likes coffee?
A. De-calf.

Q. What is green and hangs off trees?
A. Giraffe snot.

Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A. No idea. (No eye deer)

Q. What is white on the outside, green on the inside and hops?
A. A frog sandwich.

Q. Why did the elephant paint his fingernails red?
A. So he could hide in a bowl of cherries.

Q. Why did the monkey cross the road?
A. Because the chicken retired.

Q. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant?
A. Swimming trunks!

Q. What do you call a bear who forgot his socks?
A. BEARfooted.

Q. What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A. A cloud!

Q. How did the sheep get red cheeks?
A. It was MAAHD!

Q. What do you call a bear with no ears?
A. B.

Q. What's a monkey's favorite snack?
A. Chocolate chimp cookies.

Q. What kind of dog can jump higher than a skyscraper?
A. Any dog, skyscrapers can't jump.

Q. How do you stop an alligator wriggling in the back of your car?
A. Move it to the front!

Q. What does a chicken have in common with a band?
A. Drumsticks.

Q. What do you call an angry polar bear?
A. Nothing, just run.

Q. What do you get when an elephant sky dives?
A. A big hole.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Amos
Amos who?
Amos quito just bit me, boo hoo!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don't know
To get to your house.
---
Knock, knock
Who's there?
The chicken!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
A parrot
A parrot who?
A parrot who?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Who
Who who?
I didn't know you were an owl!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrup...
Moooooooo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cows go
Cows go who?
No, cows go moo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Twit
Twit who?
Did anyone else hear an owl?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Owls
Owls who?
That's correct, owls who!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Lionel
Lionel who?
Lionel bite you if you don't watch out!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Three pigs
Three pigs who?
Three pigs who can't reach the doorbell.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Some bunny
Some bunny who?
Some bunny has been eating my carrots!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gorilla
Gorilla who?
Gorilla me a hamburger!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dinosaur
Dinosaur who?
Dinosaurs don't go who, they go ROAR!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Monkey
Monkey who?
Monkey see. Monkey do.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dasum
Dasum who?
Dasum cute dog!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cobra
Cobra who?
Go brush your teeth!!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Kanga
Kanga who?
No, Kangaroo!

Jokes

A newspaper reporter submitted a story about the theft of 2,025 pigs.
His editor, struck at the size of the theft, called the farmer to confirm.
"Is it true that you lost two thousand twenty-five pigs?" he asked.
"Yeth," said the farmer.
The editor thanked him, hung up, and changed the phrase to "two sows and 25 pigs."
 

Bob: I lost my dog today.
Bill: So put an ad in the paper.
Bob: What good would that do? My dog can't read.
 

A guy named Billie Bob Joe goes to a costume dress party with a girl on his back.

Harold, answering the door: What are you supposed to be?
Billie Bob Joe: A turtle.
Harold: What do you mean?
Billie Bob Joe: The girl on my back is Michelle.
 

There were two sisters and they had $700 to spend on a bull. So one sister stayed home and looked after the farm while the other went to the auction. The sister brought the bull for $699 so she went to the post office and asked how much it was to send a telegram. It was $1 a word. So she told the man to send the word: Comfortable. (Come-for-the-bull.)
 

If pigs could fly, imagine what their wings would taste like!
 

Mary had a little lamb,
But the lamb started to tease her.
Mary said, "STOP!"
But the lamb refused
So now it's in the freezer.
 

There were 3 cats, The first cat said, "Meow."
Second cat said, "Meow."
Third cat said, "Meow, meow."
The first cat said, "Don't change the subject."
 

There were 2 cats looking into a green canary's cage. The first cat said to the second cat, "That's not a canary, it's green!"
The second cat said, "I don't know, maybe it's not ripe yet!"
 

Peter: Mother, why is a snail stronger than an elephant?
Mother: I don't know.
Peter: Because a snail can carry its own home, but an elephant can only carry its own trunk.
 

The pillow asks the teddy bear, "Do you want an ice cream sundae?" The bear says, "No thanks, I'm stuffed!"
 

There were two cows standing in a field talking to each other. They were talking about Mr. Brown's cows having Mad Cow Disease, when one of the cows said, "It's a good thing we're chickens."
 

LaKesheauna: My dentist put his finger in a lion's mouth to see how many teeth it had.
Latangela: What did the lion do?
LaKesheauna: It closed its mouth to see how many fingers my dentist had.
 

Tongue Twister: A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk but the stump thunk the skunk stunk!
 

A first grade teacher was telling her students the story of "Chicken Little." She got to the part when Chicken Little ran up to the Farmer saying, "The sky is falling. The sky is falling." Then the teacher paused and asked the kids what they thought the farmer said. One little girl raised her hand and the teacher called on her. The little girl then said, "I think the farmer said Holy cow, a talking chicken!"
 

Down in the south where coconuts grow, an elephant stepped on a mosquito's toe. The mosquito jumped up with tears in his eyes and said, "Excuse me but you're not my size."
 

A woman walks into a bar and sits down next to a guy near a dog. The woman asks, "Does your dog bite?"
The guy replied,"No."
The woman reached down to pet the dog and it bit her. "I thought you said he didn't bite," she yelled.
"That's not my dog," he yelled!
 

There was a man and he was walking a lion on the side of the street when a policeman came and said, "Sir please don't walk your lion on the side of the street because its very dangerous. Why don't you take him to the zoo?!"
The man agreed with him and took his lion to the zoo.

The next day the policeman saw the man walking his lion again and told him the same thing but the man said, "I already took him to the zoo and he liked it a lot, now I'm going to take him to the movies."
 

A mother snake bought a gift for her son's birthday. The son was so thrilled he hissed, "Mommy! Help me open it. I'm crawling out of my skin with excitement!"
 

Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said, "Oh, come on, let's eat the sandwiches."
Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!"
 

A guy and his elephant are driving and get pulled over. The policeman says, "You need to take the elephant to the zoo." So the guy took his elephant to the zoo.

The next day, the same policeman pulls over the same guy and elephant. The policeman says, "I told you to take the elephant to the zoo."
The guy says, "I did yesterday, today we are going to a baseball game."
 

Two turtles were walking across the road, when suddenly a bright red car came racing around the corner and straight for them, one said to the other, "RUN!"
 

One day a duck waddles into a mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no and the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck waddles into the mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no and the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck does the same and once again the clerk says no and adds if you ask me one more time I will nail your webbed feet to the floor. So the duck waddles out.

The next day the duck waddles into the mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any nails?" The clerk says no. "Then got any grapes?"
 

When my brother told me to stop impersonating a flamingo I had to put my foot down.
 

There was a man who bought a camel. The previous owner told him that to make it walk, say "few," to make it run, say "many" and to make it stop say "amen". So one day the man decided to have a practise ride. He said "few" and the camel started walking, he said "many" and it started running, right towards the edge of a cliff. But the man forgot how to make it stop, so, panicking, he shouted out "Lord save me, Lord save me, Amen" and of course the camel stopped - at the VERY edge. Relieved the man said to himself, "Phew, that was clo-aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
 

Once there was a scientist doing a test on a frog. He told the frog to jump, so it jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "4 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off one of the frog's front legs and said, "Jump." The frog jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "3 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off the frog's other front leg and said, "Jump," and the frog jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "2 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off one of the frog's back legs and said, "Jump," and the frog jumped. So the scientist wrote in his notes, "1 leg jump."

Then the scientist cut off the last leg and said, "Jump," and the frog didn't move. So the scientist said it again, but it still didn't move, so in his notes the scientist wrote, "No legs-goes deaf."
 

Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell Crocodile?
Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L.
Teacher: No, that's wrong.
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
 

An elephant asked an ant, "Please hide me." So the ant replied, "Hide behind me."
 

Teacher: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Clyde: No, sir. It's the same dog.
 

Three pigs walked into a restaurant and the waiter asked them what they would like to drink. The first pig wanted Coke, the second Sprite and the third wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter came back to ask for the main course and the first pig wanted salad, the second wanted chicken and the third pig wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter came back and asked for their dessert choices. The first pig wanted cake, the second wanted cupcakes and the third pig wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter was curious and asked the third pig, "Why do you want so much water?"
The third little pig smiled and said, "I'm the little pig that goes, wee, wee, wee all the way home"
 

"Ggggggggggggggggggggggggggg," said the frog.
"You've got a frog in your throat," said the other frog.
 

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