Read our collection of funny animal jokes for kids! All our jokes and riddles have been screened to ensure they are appropriate for kids. Share them with your kids and friends. Did you know that riddles promote creative thinking in children? Why not memorize a few and share them at home, on the go or in the classroom. Animal jokes and riddles for kids by kids.
Why were the hyenas laughing? They were reading Squigly's jokes and riddles! These are jokes about any creature that walks, swims, crawls or flies! Animal riddles are for everyone! Read our collection of funny jokes, riddles and knock knock jokes! Many of these jokes have been submitted by kids visiting our playhouse. We know these jokes will make you laugh out loud! :D
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Q. Where do baby apes sleep?
A. In APEricots!
Q. Why was the horse unable to get into the antelopes' music club?
A. He had no horns!
Q. What kind of place should you never take a dog?
A. To the Flea Market.
Q. There were two elephants under one umbrella, why didn't they get wet?
A. It wasn't raining.
Q. What do you call a bear with no ears?
Q. What did the sun say to the sheep and the cloud?
A. "Whoa, are y'all related?"
Q. What way do the cows like to go?
A. The milky way!
Q. What do you call a pig that does karate?
A. Pork Chop!
Q. What do you call a pig that gets fired from his job?
A. Canned ham!
Q. What's an angry bull's favourite drink?
A. Red Bull.
Q. Why is a snake lucky?
A. Because you can't pull its leg!
Q. How does a rabbit throw a tantrum?
A. He gets hopping mad.
Q. How do rabbits travel?
A. By hare planes!
Q. Which day is mostly avoided by fish?
Q. What do you call a bunny with fleas?
A. Bugs Bunny.
Q. Why did the goose cross the road?
A. He didn't want to be called a chicken!
Q. What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A. A milkshake!
Q. What kind of bird uses ink to write?
A. A PEN-guin!
Q. What has four legs, a tail, whiskers and cuts grass?
A. A lawn MEOW-er!
Q. What kind of horses have 6 legs?
A. The ones that are being ridden!
Q. What do you call a cow with no legs?
A. Ground beef.
Q. What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an elephant?
A. Great big holes all over Australia.
Q. What did the frog order at the burger place?
A. French flies and a diet croak.
Q. Where do cows stay when they go on vacation?
Q. What do dogs have that other animal don't have?
Q. What do you call a dog who wins a race?
A. A weiner.
Q. Why do ducks have webbed feet?
A. To stomp out forest fires.
Q. What did the snail say when he was riding on the back of a turtle?
Q. How do you catch a rabbit?
A. Make a noise like a carrot.
Q. Why was the elephant afraid of the computer store?
A. Because they sold the world's best mice.
Q. What do you get when you cross a bird, a car, and a dog?
A. A flying carpet.
Q. Which animal is the oldest in the world?
A. The zebra because it's still black and white.
Q. Why aren't dogs good dancers?
A. They have two left feet.
Q. What kind of car does a cow drive?
A. A CATTLEac.
Q. If there was a spelling test, which animal would win?
A. The bee!
Q. What does an alligator drink when it is sick?
Q. How did the dog get splinters in his tongue?
A. He ate table scraps.
Q. What do you get when you cross a sheep and a kangaroo?
A. A woolly jumper!
Q. What do you get if you cross a cow and a duck?
A. A creamy quacker!
Q. Who gives presents to baby sharks?
A. Santa Jaws.
Q. What did the elephant do when he hurt his toe?
A. He called a tow truck.
Q. What is the difference between a piano and a fish?
A. You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish!
Q. What animal has a crown on its head?
A. A rooster.
Q. Did you hear the one about the fox with no ears?
A. He didn't either.
Q. What is a cow's favourite drink?
A. MOO Juice.
Q. What kind of vehicle does a lamb drive?
A. A LAMBorghini!
Q. I am found on land and in the sea but I don't walk or swim. I travel by foot but I'm toeless. No matter where I go I'm never far from home. Who am I?
A. A snail.
Q. What's a monkey's favorite snack?
A. Chocolate chimp cookies.
Q. What did the spider do when he went on his computer?
A. He went on his web site!
Q. Why did the cow eat the tight rope walker?
A. Because he wanted a balanced meal!
Q. What keys can make you laugh?
Q. What did one lion say to another when they saw some hunters in a jeep?
A. "Look, meals on wheels!"
Q. What do you call a kangaroo that sneezes alot?
A. A kanga-choo.
Q. What do you get with a kangoroo and a snake?
A. A jump rope.
Q. There are 5 fish and 2 drown. How many are left?
A. Fish don't drown.
Q. What's brown and blue and swings through the jungle?
A. A monkey wearing a denim jacket!
Q. Why don't penguins live in Britain?
A. Because they're scared of Wales!
Q. What is black, white and red?
A. A panda with a rash!
Q. How do you stop a mouse from squealing?
A. Oil it.
Q. Where do horses go when they are sick?
Q. Why do you never ask a dinosaur to read you a story?
A. Because their tales are so long.
Q. What money do dogs and cats have?
A. Kitty cash and doggy dollars.
Q. Where do fish keep their money?
A. In the riverbank.
Q. Say milk five times really fast. Now, what do cows drink?
Q. Why did the sheep go to the movies?
A. To get some snAAAHks!
Q. What's the difference between a dog and a flea?
A. A dog can have fleas, but a flea can't have dogs.
Q. What do you call a rabbit with the sniffles?
A. A runny bunny.
Q. How do you stop an alligator wriggling in the back of your car?
A. Move it to the front!
Q. Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A. Yes, because the Empire State Building can't jump!
Q. What is the same size as a elephant, yet weighs nothing?
A. An elephant's shadow!
Q. What does a chicken have in common with a band?
Q. What is a cow's favorite ice cream?
Q. What do you call a polar bear in the desert?
Q. Where do you get draggin' milk?
A. From a cow with short legs.
Q. What is black, white and red all over?
A. An embarassed zebra!
Amos quito just bit me, boo hoo!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don't know
To get to your house.
A parrot who?
A parrot who?
I didn't know you were an owl!
Cows go who?
No, cows go moo!
Did anyone else hear an owl?
That's correct, owls who!
Lionel bite you if you don't watch out!
Three pigs who?
Three pigs who can't reach the doorbell.
Some bunny who?
Some bunny has been eating my carrots!
Gorilla me a hamburger!
Dinosaurs don't go who, they go ROAR!
Monkey see. Monkey do.
Dasum cute dog!
Go brush your teeth!!
A guy named Billie Bob Joe goes to a costume dress party with a girl on his back.
Harold, answering the door: What are you supposed to be?
Billie Bob Joe: A turtle.
Harold: What do you mean?
Billie Bob Joe: The girl on my back is Michelle.
When my brother told me to stop impersonating a flamingo I had to put my foot down.
One day a lady entered a pet shop.
Lady: May I have a rabbit for my daughter?
Storekeeper: Sorry Ma'am, we don't do trades.
LaKesheauna: My dentist put his finger in a lion's mouth to see how many teeth it had.
Latangela: What did the lion do?
LaKesheauna: It closed its mouth to see how many fingers my dentist had.
There were 3 cats, The first cat said, "Meow."
Second cat said, "Meow."
Third cat said, "Meow, meow."
The first cat said, "Don't change the subject."
A newspaper reporter submitted a story about the theft of 2,025 pigs.
His editor, struck at the size of the theft, called the farmer to confirm.
"Is it true that you lost two thousand twenty-five pigs?" he asked.
"Yeth," said the farmer.
The editor thanked him, hung up, and changed the phrase to "two sows and 25 pigs."
Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell Crocodile?
Teacher: No, that's wrong.
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
A horse walked into the bar and the bartender said, "Why the long face?"
Teacher: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Clyde: No, sir. It's the same dog.
Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said, "Oh, come on, let's eat the sandwiches."
Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!"
A little boy was in a wedding. Every time he walked 2 steps down the aisle, he would roar. When he finally got to the end of the aisle the people asked what he was doing. The little boy said that he was just being the Ring Bear.
A first grade teacher was telling her students the story of "Chicken Little." She got to the part when Chicken Little ran up to the Farmer saying, "The sky is falling. The sky is falling." Then the teacher paused and asked the kids what they thought the farmer said. One little girl raised her hand and the teacher called on her. The little girl then said, "I think the farmer said Holy cow, a talking chicken!"
One day a big tortoise, a middle sized tortoise and a small tortoise went into a cafe. They ordered three banana splits. While they were waiting they noticed it had begun to rain. "Look at that," said the big tortoise, "we should have brought our umbrella."
"You're right," said the middle tortoise. "Let's send the little one back to get it."
"I'll go," said the little one. "But only if you promise not to eat my banana split."
The big tortoise and the middle tortoise promised.
A few days later the big tortoise said to the middle tortoise, "Come on, let's eat his banana spilt any way."
"All right," said the middle tortoise.
At that moment the little tortoise shouted from the end of the cafe, "You do that and I won't get your umbrella!"
The pillow asks the teddy bear, "Do you want an ice cream sundae?" The bear says, "No thanks, I'm stuffed!"
A guy and his elephant are driving and get pulled over. The policeman says, "You need to take the elephant to the zoo." So the guy took his elephant to the zoo.
The next day, the same policeman pulls over the same guy and elephant. The policeman says, "I told you to take the elephant to the zoo."
The guy says, "I did yesterday, today we are going to a baseball game."
Three pigs walked into a restaurant and the waiter asked them what they would like to drink. The first pig wanted Coke, the second Sprite and the third wanted water, lots and lots of water.
The waiter came back to ask for the main course and the first pig wanted salad, the second wanted chicken and the third pig wanted water, lots and lots of water.
The waiter came back and asked for their dessert choices. The first pig wanted cake, the second wanted cupcakes and the third pig wanted water, lots and lots of water.
The waiter was curious and asked the third pig, "Why do you want so much water?"
The third little pig smiled and said, "I'm the little pig that goes, wee, wee, wee all the way home"
There were three male dogs, a Golden Retriever, a Lab, and Chihuahua, walking down the street. On their walk, they met a beautiful French Poodle. They all ran up to the poodle. The poodle says to the three dogs, "Since you all want to marry me, whoever can say liver and cheese in a complete sentence will get to marry me."
The Golden Retriever says, "I love liver and cheese."
The poodle replied, "How childish"
The Lab says, "I hate liver and cheese."
"You're hopeless," said the poodle.
The Chihuahua says, "Liver alone, cheese mine."
There was a man and he was walking a lion on the side of the street when a policeman came and said, "Sir please don't walk your lion on the side of the street because its very dangerous. Why don't you take him to the zoo?!"
The man agreed with him and took his lion to the zoo.
The next day the policeman saw the man walking his lion again and told him the same thing but the man said, "I already took him to the zoo and he liked it a lot, now I'm going to take him to the movies."
A cat died in a house. The servant started crying badly.
Master: It is only a cat that has died, why are you crying so much?
Servant: Master, when the cat was there I used to drink the milk and put the blame on it. Now on whom will I put the blame?
One day a duck waddles into a mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no and the duck waddles out.
The next day the duck waddles into the mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no and the duck waddles out.
The next day the duck does the same and once again the clerk says no and adds if you ask me one more time I will nail your webbed feet to the floor. So the duck waddles out.
The next day the duck waddles into the mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any nails?" The clerk says no. "Then got any grapes?"
A woman walks into a bar and sits down next to a guy near a dog. The woman asks, "Does your dog bite?"
The guy replied,"No."
The woman reached down to pet the dog and it bit her. "I thought you said he didn't bite," she yelled.
"That's not my dog," he yelled!
If pigs could fly, imagine what their wings would taste like!
Peter: Mother, why is a snail stronger than an elephant?
Mother: I don't know.
Peter: Because a snail can carry its own home, but an elephant can only carry its own trunk.
"Ggggggggggggggggggggggggggg," said the frog.
"You've got a frog in your throat," said the other frog.
One day, Ah Meng asked Siew Lee, "Why do lions eat raw meat?"
Siew Lee said, "Because they are wild animals?"
Ah Meng said, "Wrong! They eat raw meat because they can't cook!"
There's this man, he walks up to this lady's door. The lady answers it. The man says, "I'm terribly sorry. I just ran over your cat. I'd like to replace it." Then the woman says. "How good are you at catching mice?"
Mary had a little lamb,
But the lamb started to tease her.
Mary said, "STOP!"
But the lamb refused
So now it's in the freezer.
Tongue Twister: A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk but the stump thunk the skunk stunk!
There were three pigs and they walked into a restaurant. The waiter said, "What do you want to eat?" The first pig ordered fish and chips the second ordered pizza and the third ordered water.
The waiter came again and said, "What do you want for dessert?" The first pig wanted custard, the second some cake and the third wanted water again. The waiter said, "Why do you always have water?"
The pig replied, "Because one of us has to go wee, wee, wee all the way home!"
There were 2 cats looking into a green canary's cage. The first cat said to the second cat, "That's not a canary, it's green!"
The second cat said, "I don't know, maybe it's not ripe yet!"
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