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Funny animal jokes for Kids

Animal Jokes for Kids

Read our collection of funny animal jokes for kids! All our jokes and riddles have been screened to ensure they are appropriate for kids. Share them with your kids and friends. Did you know that riddles promote creative thinking in children? Why not memorize a few and share them at home, on the go or in the classroom. Animal jokes and riddles for kids by kids.

Why were the hyenas laughing? They were reading Squigly's jokes and riddles! These are jokes about any creature that walks, swims, crawls or flies! Animal riddles are for everyone! Read our collection of funny jokes, riddles and knock knock jokes! Many of these jokes have been submitted by kids visiting our playhouse. We know these jokes will make you laugh out loud! :D

Riddles

Q. What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?
A. A submarine with a built-in snorkel.

Q. Did you hear the one about the fox with no ears?
A. He didn't either.

Q. What do you call a cow with no legs?
A. Ground beef.

Q. What is the difference between a piano and a fish?
A. You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish!

Q. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A. A gummy bear.

Q. Why didn't the bunny hop?
A. No bunny knows.

Q. What do you call it when a dinosaur crashes his car?
A. A Tyrannosaurus WRECK!

Q. What do you call an Italian cow that likes coffee?
A. De-calf.

Q. How do you get 6 donkeys into a fire engine?
A. Two in the front, two in the back and two on the top going, "He-haw, he-haw!"

Q. What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A. A cloud!

Q. What are a shark's favorite games?
A. Swallow the Leader and Go Fish!

Q. What three animals have keys?
A. Donkeys, monkeys, and turkeys!

Q. What is black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white and green?
A. Two skunks fighting over a pickle.

Q. What's a monkey's favorite snack?
A. Chocolate chimp cookies.

Q. What kind of dog can jump higher than a skyscraper?
A. Any dog, skyscrapers can't jump.

Q. What do fish eat for lunch?
A. SANDwiches!

Q. There are 5 fish and 2 drown. How many are left?
A. Fish don't drown.

Q. What do you call a Christmas duck?
A. A Christmas quacker!

Q. What animal carries an umbrella around?
A. A reindeer!

Q. What do you call an elephant on the road?
A. A speed bump.

Q. What is a dog that sneezes?
A. Achoowawa!

Q. What did the fish say to the octopus while the octopus was eating?
A. Lend me a tentacle or 8.

Q. Why is getting up in the morning like a pig's tail?
A. It's twirly. (Too early)

Q. Why did the cow want some cheese?
A. Because it's MOOlicious!

Q. Where won't you find a dog shopping?
A. At the flea market!

Q. What is the same size as a elephant, yet weighs nothing?
A. An elephant's shadow!

Q. What sort of appliance does a monkey use?
A. A gorilla. (A griller)

Q. Where does a cow go when he's bored?
A. To the MOOvies.

Q. What did the elephant do when he hurt his toe?
A. He called a tow truck.

Q. Which day is mostly avoided by fish?
A. FRYday!

Q. What is a snake's favourite subject?
A. HISStory!

Q. What do you get when you cross a chicken and a centipede?
A. Drumsticks for everyone!

Q. What's an angry bull's favourite drink?
A. Red Bull.

Q. Where do fish keep their money?
A. In the riverbank.

Q. Where do dogs go when they lose their tail?
A. To the reTAIL store.

Q. Why is a snake lucky?
A. Because you can't pull its leg!

Q. How do you make a swordfish like the library?
A. Take away the S in its name!

Q. What did the monkey sing on Christmas day?
A. Jungle bells, Jungle bells...

Riddles continue below video…

Q. Why couldn't the elephant move?
A. Because he couldn't lift his trunk!

Q. What animal should you not play cards with?
A. A Cheetah!

Q. Why do fish live in salt water?
A. Because pepper water would make them sneeze!

Q. What's black and white and can climb trees?
A. A panda.

Q. What does a chicken have in common with a band?
A. Drumsticks.

Q. What did the crocodile say to the waiter in the cafe?
A. I want bacon, eggs, and toast and make it SNAPPY!

Q. What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an elephant?
A. Great big holes all over Australia.

Q. What time is it when an elephant sits in a chair?
A. Time to buy a new chair!

Q. What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A. What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?

Q. What do you call a crab that will not share?
A. A selfish. (Shellfish)

Q. Why was the walrus late for the party?
A. His iceberg ran into a ship!

Q. What do you call a dog who wins a race?
A. A weiner.

Q. How do you stop a dog from barking in the back seat of your car?
A. Have him sit in front with you.

Q. What 2 animals have the same last name?
A. The donKEY and the monKEY.

Q. Where do cows stay when they go on vacation?
A. MOO-tels!

Q. There is a horse tied to a rope five yards long. Ten yards away there is hay. The horse is eating the hay, how did he get there?
A. The rope isn't tied to anything.

Q. Who gives presents to baby sharks?
A. Santa Jaws.

Q. What is a cow's favourite movie?
A. Moo-lan.

Q. How do you stop a rhino from charging?
A. Take away its credit card.

Q. What has 6 legs, 4 eyes, 4 ears, 2 noses, 2 mouths and 2 heads?
A. A man sitting on a horse.

Q. If the chicken crossed the road to get to the other side, how did the frog cross the road?
A. He tied himself to the chicken.

Q. If there was a spelling test, which animal would win?
A. The bee!

Q. What's black, white, black, white, black and white?
A. A penguin rolling down a hill.

Q. What do you call a cow with a twitch?
A. Beef jerky.

Q. What kind of bird uses ink to write?
A. A PEN-guin!

Q. What do you call elephants that swim?
A. Swimming trunks!

Q. What do you get if you cross a porcupine and a giraffe?
A. A seven metre long toothbrush!

Q. What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
A. Open TOAD sandals.

Q. How can you tell the difference between a grape and an elephant?
A. Grapes are purple.

Q. How did the cow get through the crowd?
A. He shouted MOOve!

Q. What was Mr. Cow and Mrs. Cow's favorite time together?
A. When they went on their honeyMOOn.

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher with a tiger?
A. I don't know but you better behave in its class!

Q. Why did the leopard refuse to take a bath?
A. It didn't want to come out spotless.

Q. What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
A. Bacon and legs!

Q. Why aren't dogs good dancers?
A. They have two left feet.

Q. Why did the dog stay out of the sun?
A. So he wouldn't be a hotdog.

Q. What is smaller then a talking cat?
A. A spelling bee.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Amos
Amos who?
Amos quito just bit me, boo hoo!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don't know
To get to your house.
---
Knock, knock
Who's there?
The chicken!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
A parrot
A parrot who?
A parrot who?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Who
Who who?
I didn't know you were an owl!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrup...
Moooooooo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cows go
Cows go who?
No, cows go moo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Twit
Twit who?
Did anyone else hear an owl?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Owls
Owls who?
That's correct, owls who!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Lionel
Lionel who?
Lionel bite you if you don't watch out!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Three pigs
Three pigs who?
Three pigs who can't reach the doorbell.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Some bunny
Some bunny who?
Some bunny has been eating my carrots!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gorilla
Gorilla who?
Gorilla me a hamburger!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dinosaur
Dinosaur who?
Dinosaurs don't go who, they go ROAR!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Monkey
Monkey who?
Monkey see. Monkey do.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dasum
Dasum who?
Dasum cute dog!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cobra
Cobra who?
Go brush your teeth!!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Kanga
Kanga who?
No, Kangaroo!

Jokes

A woman walks into a bar and sits down next to a guy near a dog. The woman asks, "Does your dog bite?"
The guy replied,"No."
The woman reached down to pet the dog and it bit her. "I thought you said he didn't bite," she yelled.
"That's not my dog," he yelled!
 

There were two cows standing in a field talking to each other. They were talking about Mr. Brown's cows having Mad Cow Disease, when one of the cows said, "It's a good thing we're chickens."
 

Policeman: One of your elephants has been seen chasing a man on a bicycle.
Zoo keeper: Nonsense, none of my elephants know how to ride a bicycle.
 

Mary had a little lamb,
But the lamb started to tease her.
Mary said, "STOP!"
But the lamb refused
So now it's in the freezer.
 

There was a man and he was walking a lion on the side of the street when a policeman came and said, "Sir please don't walk your lion on the side of the street because its very dangerous. Why don't you take him to the zoo?!"
The man agreed with him and took his lion to the zoo.

The next day the policeman saw the man walking his lion again and told him the same thing but the man said, "I already took him to the zoo and he liked it a lot, now I'm going to take him to the movies."
 

There were three male dogs, a Golden Retriever, a Lab, and Chihuahua, walking down the street. On their walk, they met a beautiful French Poodle. They all ran up to the poodle. The poodle says to the three dogs, "Since you all want to marry me, whoever can say liver and cheese in a complete sentence will get to marry me."
The Golden Retriever says, "I love liver and cheese."
The poodle replied, "How childish"
The Lab says, "I hate liver and cheese."
"You're hopeless," said the poodle.
The Chihuahua says, "Liver alone, cheese mine."
 

Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell Crocodile?
Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L.
Teacher: No, that's wrong.
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
 

An elephant asked an ant, "Please hide me." So the ant replied, "Hide behind me."
 

One day a big tortoise, a middle sized tortoise and a small tortoise went into a cafe. They ordered three banana splits. While they were waiting they noticed it had begun to rain. "Look at that," said the big tortoise, "we should have brought our umbrella."
"You're right," said the middle tortoise. "Let's send the little one back to get it."
"I'll go," said the little one. "But only if you promise not to eat my banana split."
The big tortoise and the middle tortoise promised.

A few days later the big tortoise said to the middle tortoise, "Come on, let's eat his banana spilt any way."
"All right," said the middle tortoise.
At that moment the little tortoise shouted from the end of the cafe, "You do that and I won't get your umbrella!"
 

A man decided to start a chicken farm and brought 24 to get started. A week later he bought another 24 and another 24 the week after that. When his friend asked how his chicken farm was coming along the man replied, "Not one of them has grown yet. I wonder if I'm planting them too deep?"
 

Once there was a scientist doing a test on a frog. He told the frog to jump, so it jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "4 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off one of the frog's front legs and said, "Jump." The frog jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "3 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off the frog's other front leg and said, "Jump," and the frog jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "2 legs-jumps."

Then the scientist cut off one of the frog's back legs and said, "Jump," and the frog jumped. So the scientist wrote in his notes, "1 leg jump."

Then the scientist cut off the last leg and said, "Jump," and the frog didn't move. So the scientist said it again, but it still didn't move, so in his notes the scientist wrote, "No legs-goes deaf."
 

A horse walked into the bar and the bartender said, "Why the long face?"
 

When my brother told me to stop impersonating a flamingo I had to put my foot down.
 

One day a lady entered a pet shop.
Lady: May I have a rabbit for my daughter?
Storekeeper: Sorry Ma'am, we don't do trades.
 

A newspaper reporter submitted a story about the theft of 2,025 pigs.
His editor, struck at the size of the theft, called the farmer to confirm.
"Is it true that you lost two thousand twenty-five pigs?" he asked.
"Yeth," said the farmer.
The editor thanked him, hung up, and changed the phrase to "two sows and 25 pigs."
 

A man walked into a pub and bought a sandwich, then a panda walked into the pub and stole the sandwich, ate it, shoots the barman and leaves. So the man goes out and says to the panda, "Why did you eat my sandwich, shoot the barman and then just leave?"
The panda says, "Look panda up in the dictionary."
So he looked Panda up and read: Eats shoots and leaves.
 

There were three pigs and they walked into a restaurant. The waiter said, "What do you want to eat?" The first pig ordered fish and chips the second ordered pizza and the third ordered water.

The waiter came again and said, "What do you want for dessert?" The first pig wanted custard, the second some cake and the third wanted water again. The waiter said, "Why do you always have water?"
The pig replied, "Because one of us has to go wee, wee, wee all the way home!"
 

Snake 1: I hope I'm not poisonous.
Snake 2: Why?
Snake 1: Because I just bit my tongue.
 

A guy named Billie Bob Joe goes to a costume dress party with a girl on his back.

Harold, answering the door: What are you supposed to be?
Billie Bob Joe: A turtle.
Harold: What do you mean?
Billie Bob Joe: The girl on my back is Michelle.
 

A mother snake bought a gift for her son's birthday. The son was so thrilled he hissed, "Mommy! Help me open it. I'm crawling out of my skin with excitement!"
 

If pigs could fly, imagine what their wings would taste like!
 

"Ggggggggggggggggggggggggggg," said the frog.
"You've got a frog in your throat," said the other frog.
 

A little boy was in a wedding. Every time he walked 2 steps down the aisle, he would roar. When he finally got to the end of the aisle the people asked what he was doing. The little boy said that he was just being the Ring Bear.
 

There's this man, he walks up to this lady's door. The lady answers it. The man says, "I'm terribly sorry. I just ran over your cat. I'd like to replace it." Then the woman says. "How good are you at catching mice?"
 

The pillow asks the teddy bear, "Do you want an ice cream sundae?" The bear says, "No thanks, I'm stuffed!"
 

There were 3 cats, The first cat said, "Meow."
Second cat said, "Meow."
Third cat said, "Meow, meow."
The first cat said, "Don't change the subject."
 

Teacher: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Clyde: No, sir. It's the same dog.
 

There was a man who bought a camel. The previous owner told him that to make it walk, say "few," to make it run, say "many" and to make it stop say "amen". So one day the man decided to have a practise ride. He said "few" and the camel started walking, he said "many" and it started running, right towards the edge of a cliff. But the man forgot how to make it stop, so, panicking, he shouted out "Lord save me, Lord save me, Amen" and of course the camel stopped - at the VERY edge. Relieved the man said to himself, "Phew, that was clo-aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
 

There were two sisters and they had $700 to spend on a bull. So one sister stayed home and looked after the farm while the other went to the auction. The sister brought the bull for $699 so she went to the post office and asked how much it was to send a telegram. It was $1 a word. So she told the man to send the word: Comfortable. (Come-for-the-bull.)
 

One day, Ah Meng asked Siew Lee, "Why do lions eat raw meat?"
Siew Lee said, "Because they are wild animals?"
Ah Meng said, "Wrong! They eat raw meat because they can't cook!"
 

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