Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Riddles

Read our huge collection of riddles. These funny jokes are sure to make you LOL!

Q. What room can't ghosts go in?
A. The LIVING room!

Q. Why does Snoop Dog carry an umbrella?
A. Fo'drizzle!

Q. There are 2 cats, one is French and the other English. The French cat's name was Un Deux Trois and the English cat's name was One Two Three. Both cats think they're better than the other. To determine this they have a swimming contest. Which cat wins and why?
A. The English cat, because Un Deux Trois Quatre Cinq! (Un Deux Trois cat sank)

Q. Why did the newspaper blush?
A. Because he saw the comic strip.

Q. Why did the surfer wear a baseball mitt?
A. He wanted to catch a wave.

Q. What did the volcanoes name their daughter?
A. MAGMAlena.

Q. Why are school cafeteria workers cruel?
A. Because they batter fish, beat eggs, and whip cream.

Q. What does a tree drink?
A. Root beer!

Q. Why can't you do a math test in the jungle?
A. There are too many cheetahs!

Q. What happens when an Egyptian prince's daddy dies?
A. His daddy becomes a mummy.

Q. What is black, white and red?
A. A panda with a rash!

Q. Why did the rooster cross the road?
A. Because he wasn't a chicken.

Q. What do you call a 100-year-old ant?
A. ANT-ique.

Q. What happened to the frog's car when it got stuck?
A. It had to get TOAD away.

Q. What did the calendar say to the other calendar?
A. "You want to go on a date with me?"

Q. Why did Goofy take a ladder to school?
A. Because he wanted to get to high school.

Q. How do you make a goldfish age?
A. Take away the g in goldfish.

Q. I am a rock group that has four members, all of whom are dead, one of which was assassinated. What group am I?
A. Mount Rushmore! Get it, rock group?

Q. What did one leaf say to the other?
A. "See you next fall!!"

Q. A man pushes a car to a hotel and realizes he's bankrupt. Why?
A. He's playing Monopoly!

Q. What do you call a pig dressed as Frankenstein?
A. FrankenSWINE.

Q. What did the shark say when he bumped into a whale?
A. "I didn't do it on porpoise!" (purpose)

Q. Why do gorillas have broad fingers?
A. Because they have large nostrils.

Q. Why doesn't a bald man need any keys?
A. Because he doesn't have any locks!

Q. What has a head and a tail but no body?
A. A coin?

Q. What is black and white and red all over?
A. A zebra with the chicken pox.

Q. Why was the math book unhappy?
A. Because he had too many problems!

Q. What time is it when a clock strikes thirteen?
A. Time to buy a new clock.

Q. What letter is a European bird?
A. J.

Q. What is Barbie's favorite state?
A. KENtucky!

Q. What 10 letter word starts with gas?
A. An A-U-T-O-M-O-B-I-L-E.

Q. What has 3 feet but cannot walk?
A. A yardstick!

Q. What was the name of Noah's wife?
A. Yesa!

Q. What's a monkey's favorite snack?
A. Chocolate chimp cookies.

Q. Where do cows stay when they go on vacation?
A. MOO-tels!

Q. Why was the crab arrested?
A. For pinching!

Q. What seven letters did the robber say when he saw nothing in the safe?
A. "O I C U R M T!"

Q. What has a thousand legs, a long neck but no head?
A. A broom.

Q. What does a cloud wear under it's raincoat?
A. Thunderwear!

Q. What cat likes living in water?
A. An octoPUSS!

Q. What happened to the shark when he ate too many keys?
A. He turned into the Lock-ness monster.

Q. What do you call a smart pig?
A. CunningHAM!

Q. What does a bird say on Halloween?
A. Twick or tweet!

Q. Ike went through the town casuing havoc and he was on the news and in the newspaper. What is Ike?
A. A hurricane!

Q. Where do fish keep their money?
A. In the riverbank.

Q. What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A. A pouch potato.

Q. Who do you call when you break your toe?
A. The toe truck!

Q. How does Lady Gaga like her meat?
A. Raw raw raw!

Q. What is the easiest way to be on TV?
A. Sit on it!

Q. What has ears but can't hear?
A. A corn field!

Q. What gate can't you enter?
A. Colgate!

Q. What do you get when you cross a magician with a camera?
A. Hocus Focus!

Q. What is served on a table with gatherings of two or four, and is white and round?
A. A ping pong ball.

Q. What do you call a cow with no legs?
A. Ground beef.

Q. Why did the nose cross the street?
A. He was getting picked on!

Q. What do you do if something charges at you?
A. You take away its credit card!

Q. Why was the dog sitting next to the fire?
A. He was a hotdog!

Q. Who was the straightest man in the Bible?
A. Joseph, Pharoah made a ruler out of him.

Q. What letter is a drink?
A. T.

Q. You are trapped in a room and there are 3 doors. Each door has something behind it. The first door has two hungry lions that have not eaten in four years. The second door has electric lasers all across the room. The third has three ninjas ready to attack. Which door would you pick to go through?
A. The first because the lions would be dead if they have not eaten for 4 years!

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