Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Riddles

Read our huge collection of riddles. These funny jokes are sure to make you LOL!

Q. Four men are in a boat and fall in the water. Not a single man gets wet. How is this possible?
A. All of them were married!

Q. What do you take before every meal?
A. A seat!

Q. Why did the coach go to the bank?
A. To get his quarterback.

Q. What kind of bus crossed the ocean?
A. Christopher ColumBUS!

Q. What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
A. Time to get a new fence.

Q. How many animals of each species did Moses take aboard the ark with him?
A. None, it was Noah's ark.

Q. What kind of music do stars listen to?
A. The starry blues.

Q. What goes up but does not go down?
A. Your age!

Q. What can you put in a barrel that makes it lighter?
A. Holes!

Q. Why did the cow eat the tight rope walker?
A. Because he wanted a balanced meal!

Q. What does not ask questions but must be answered?
A. A doorbell.

Q. What sort of appliance does a monkey use?
A. A gorilla. (A griller)

Q. How do you wrap a cloud?
A. With a rainbow.

Q. There was a man who walked into a bar and asked if he could have a glass of water but the bartender pointed a gun at him and the man who asked for water said thank you and left. Why did he say thank you?
A. Because the man had the hiccups.

Q. What question can a person ask all day long, getting a different answer each time, yet all the answers are correct?
A. What time is it?

Q. How do you eat an elephant?
A. One bite at a time.

Q. What happens when you throw a green rock into the Red Sea?
A. It gets wet.

Q. Why is it against the law for a man living in Victoria to be buried in New South Wales?
A. Because he's still alive!

Q. What is a snake's favourite subject?
A. HISStory!

Q. Why didn't the class clown use hair oil the day before the big test?
A. Because he didn't want anything to slip his mind.

Q. What do you call a chicken crossing the road?
A. Poultry in motion.

Q. Why did the dalmation go to the eye doctor?
A. Because he kept seeing spots.

Q. What do a duck and a tricycle have in common?
A. They both have a steering wheel, except for the duck.

Q. What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
A. Pick them up and roll them back to her!

Q. What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
A. A synonym roll.

Q. What did the ghost say to his wife?
A. "You look so BOOtiful."

Q. What do you call a sleeping bull?
A. A BULL-dozer.

Q. What do get when you cross one principal with another principal?
A. I wouldn't do it, principals don't like to be crossed!

Q. What does a cloud wear under it's raincoat?
A. Thunderwear!

Q. What did the fish say to the chip?
A. "We were made for each other."

Q. What kind of mail does a superstar vampire get?
A. Fang mail.

Q. What bird can write?
A. PENguin!

Q. Did you hear the joke about the egg that rolled in front of a truck?
A. Most people find they crack up!

Q. Why didn't the moon finish his meal?
A. It was full.

Q. What is green and sings?
A. Elvis Parsley.

Q. Where does a cow go when he's bored?
A. To the MOOvies.

Q. What do mice feel like when they come out of the shower?
A. Squeaky clean!

Q. What is big, brown, black, hairy, has 5 eyes, sharp teeth and big claws, and eats human flesh?
A. I don't know either, but if you see one, you better run!

Q. What kind of shoes do mice like?
A. Squeakers!

Q. There was a train with passengers inside. Suddenly the train crashed, where would the survivors be buried?
A. No where, they are the survivors!

Q. What did the student say after the teacher said, "Order students, order?"
A. "Can I have fries and a burger?"

Q. What did the tie say to the hat?
A. "You go on a head and I'll hang around here."

Q. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A. A gummy bear.

Q. What do you get if you cross a cow and a camel?
A. A lumpy milkshake!

Q. Which building has the most stories?
A. Library!

Q. What is white when dirty and black when clean?
A. A blackboard.

Q. What has four legs, a tail, whiskers and cuts grass?
A. A lawn MEOW-er!

Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.

Q. A women shot her husband, put him under water for 5 minutes, and then hung him. Later, they went out to dinner. How did he survive, and then go out to dinner?
A. She was a photographer!

Q. What does a surprised iceberg say?
A. "Goodness Glacius!"

Q. What do ghosts like for dessert?
A. BOOberry pie!

Q. What does a cow grow on its face?
A. A MOOstache.

Q. What do you call fish with no eyes?
A. Fsh.

Q. Why was the voice teacher so good at baseball?
A. Because she had the perfect pitch.

Q. Why did the son put his father on top of the freezer?
A. He wanted an ice pop!

Q. Why did the Advil go to jail?
A. Because it was a pain killer.

Q. What kind of running means walking
A. Running out of gas.

Q. Have you heard the joke about the bed?
A. It hasn't been made yet!

Q. What did the sun say to the sheep and the cloud?
A. "Whoa, are y'all related?"

Q. What do you do when your fish is off?
A. You tune it up!

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