Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Riddles

Read our huge collection of riddles. These funny jokes are sure to make you LOL!

Q. Whoever makes it, tells it not. Whoever takes it, knows it not. Whoever knows it, wants it not. What is it?
A. Counterfeit money.

Q. Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her roller blades on?
A. Because she wanted to rock and roll.

Q. Why did the whale laugh?
A. Because he saw the sea's bottom.

Q. What did the bee say when he returned to the hive?
A. "Honey, I'm home!"

Q. What did the big hand on the clock say to the little hand?
A. "Hour you today?"

Q. Why did the TV go out with the heater?
A. Because he thought she was hot!

Q. Which is the most dangerous city?
A. ElectriCITY!

Q. What has a never ending life cycle?
A. Laundry.

Q. Where does the word done come before start?
A. In the dictionary!

Q. What garden has the most vegetables?
A. Flash garden!

Q. What do you call a woodpecker with no beak?
A. A head banger.

Q. Why did the boy throw the clock out of the window?
A. He wanted to see time fly!

Q. Why don't they play cards in Africa?
A. There are too many Cheetahs!

Q. Why wouldn't the oyster give up her pearl?
A. She was shellfish [selfish].

Q. What is white, black and red all over?
A. An embarrassed penguin.

Q. Who does Frankenstein invite to his party?
A. Anyone he can gobble up!

Q. Why didn't the lobster share his plankton with his dad?
A. Because he was a little shellfish!

Q. Why did the boy bury his flashlight?
A. Because the batteries were dead.

Q. What is a shark's favourite food?
A. Fish and ships.

Q. What do you give a sick lemon?
A. Lemon-AID!

Q. What is the world's largest beverage?
A. MinneSODA. (Minnesota)

Q. What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano?
A. "I lava you!"

Q. Where did the boy take his pet pig to?
A. The Ham-usement park!

Q. What did the witch have for snack?
A. A sandwich.

Q. What do you call a giant with carrots in his ears?
A. Anything you want, he can't hear you!

Q. What is as light as a feather but not even the strongest man in the world can hold it for more than a few minutes?
A. Air!

Q. Why did the banana factory shut down?
A. Because they chucked out all the bent ones!

Q. Why did the monkey cross the road?
A. Because the chicken retired.

Q. What do you get when you cross a monkey and a pansy?
A. A chimpansy.

Q. You have a candle, a stove, and a fireplace and a match. Which one would you light first?
A. The match!

Q. What is black, white and red all over?
A. An embarassed zebra!

Q. Why don't ducks get letters?
A. Because they already have bills!

Q. Why doesn't a bald man need any keys?
A. Because he doesn't have any locks!

Q. What's the longest word in the dictionary?
A. Rubber band because it stretches!

Q. Why was the pencil crying?
A. Because he was POINTLESS!

Q. There are 2 cats, one is French and the other English. The French cat's name was Un Deux Trois and the English cat's name was One Two Three. Both cats think they're better than the other. To determine this they have a swimming contest. Which cat wins and why?
A. The English cat, because Un Deux Trois Quatre Cinq! (Un Deux Trois cat sank)

Q. What did the running ketchup said to the walking ketchup?
A. "Catch up!"

Q. How many sides does a circle have?
A. Two, inside and out.

Q. What is the laziest mountain in the world?
A. Mount Ever-rest!

Q. What do you get if you cross a cow and a camel?
A. A lumpy milkshake!

Q. What is a snowman's favorite food?
A. Ice Krispy treats.

Q. What makes songs but never sings?
A. Notes.

Q. What do you call a frog that parks in a tow away zone?
A. A TOAD away zone.

Q. What has a face and two hands but no arms or legs?
A. A clock.

Q. Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
A. The butcher was on the other side.

Q. Why did the leprechaun cross the road?
A. To get to the pot of gold.

Q. What kind of dog can jump higher than a skyscraper?
A. Any dog, skyscrapers can't jump.

Q. What kind of bagel can fly?
A. A plain bagel.

Q. What part of a fish weighs the most?
A. Its scales.

Q. What is always blue (sad) but always smiles?
A. A smurf.

Q. What can run, play and move around yet it cannot breath?
A. A CD or DVD!

Q. Who was the straightest man in the Bible?
A. Joseph, Pharoah made a ruler out of him.

Q. What did the dressing say to the refrigerator?
A. "Shut the door I am dressing!"

Q. What did the red sock say to the white sock?
A. "Let's play ball."

Q. What kind of music does a mountain like?
A. Rock music!

Q. What happened when the teacher tied all the kids shoe laces together?
A. They had a class trip!

Q. What do you call a deaf dinosaur?
A. Anything you like, he can't hear you!

Q. An electric train is going north, which way is its smoke going?
A. Nowhere it's an electric train!

Q. How do you get rid of a boomerang?
A. Throw it down a one way street!

Q. What do you call an an ant sticking out of the ground?
A. A plANT!

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