Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Riddles

Read our huge collection of riddles. These funny jokes are sure to make you LOL!

Q. What do you call an ant who studies accounts?
A. An accountANT.

Q. How do you stop a dog from barking in the back seat of your car?
A. Have him sit in front with you.

Q. In a green house lives a green man and in the pink house lives a pink man. Who lives in the white house?
A. The president.

Q. What's the biggest type of moth?
A. A mammoth.

Q. What's invisible and smells like carrots?
A. Bunny toots!

Q. What is Barbie's favorite state?
A. KENtucky!

Q. What do you do when your fish sings flat?
A. Tuna fish!

Q. What kind of running means walking
A. Running out of gas.

Q. What kind of shoes do mice like?
A. Squeakers!

Q. How do eggs get to the shop?
A. In a CARton!

Q. If you are running in a race and you just passed the guy in second place what place are you in?
A. You are in second place!

Q. What do babies and basketball players have in common?
A. They dribble.

Q. What runs around a house but never moves?
A. A fence.

Q. How did the teacher knit a suit of armor?
A. She used steel wool!

Q. What does a French cow say?
A. "Moo Lala!"


Q. What did the sun say to the sheep and the cloud?
A. "Whoa, are y'all related?"

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. Because she was getting tired of just standing there!

Q. Where do cows stay when they go on vacation?
A. MOO-tels!

Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A. Snowflakes!

Q. Do you know who I think is the most beautiful person in the world?
A. Look at the 5th word.

Q. What do you call someone with 4 eyes, 3 noses, 6 arms, 4 legs and 8 ears?
A. Ugly.

Q. Why is history the sweetest lesson?
A. Because it is full of dates.

Q. What pet does everybody have?
A. A carPET!

Q. Take me out of the box, scratch my head, I am now black but once was red. What am I?
A. A match!

Q. What do you call a sleeping bull?
A. A BULL-dozer.

Q. What did the skeleton say after dinner?
A. "Everything I eat goes right through me!"

Q. How do you make a swordfish like the library?
A. Take away the S in its name!

Q. What's brown and blue and swings through the jungle?
A. A monkey wearing a denim jacket!

Q. What do you give a sick lemon?
A. Lemon-AID!

Q. What is black, white and red?
A. A panda with a rash!

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Q. What do ghosts say to one another to show that they care?
A. "I love BOO!"

Q. Why did the phone cross the road?
A. To find his friends the numbers!

Q. What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder?
A. He got a little behind in his work!

Q. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
A. Because her students were bright!

Q. There is a one story house and everything in it is blue. The walls are blue, the ceiling is blue and the floor is blue. What color are the stairs?
A. There are no stairs in a one story house!

Q. What goes up a chimney down, but doesn't go down a chimney up?
A. An umbrella.

Q. What does a toad say when it sees something great?
A. "TOADaly Awesome!"

Q. Why did the banana factory shut down?
A. Because they chucked out all the bent ones!

Q. What should you do when you see a green alien?
A. Wait until it's ripe!

Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A. No idea. (No eye deer)

Q. What is the difference between a worn out runner and a worn out vet?
A. One's dog tired and the other is tired of dogs.

Q. Why did the kid put his head into the piano?
A. He wanted to play by ear.

Q. Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
A. Because he wanted to see his flat mate!

Q. Why is the letter T like an island?
A. Because it is in the middle of waTer.

Q. What is the most musical part of your body?
A. Your nose, you can blow it and pick it.


Q. Why does a flamingo lift up one leg?
A. Because if he lifted up both legs it would fall down!

Q. How do you keep someone in suspense?
A. I'll tell you tomorrow.

Q. Why was the clock in the cafeteria always slow?
A. Because every lunch it went back four seconds!

Q. What do you get if you cross a dino and a dog?
A. A dog a sore!

Q. What did the plow say to the tractor?
A. "Pull me a little closer, John Deere."

Q. What's the longest word in the dictionary?
A. Rubber band because it stretches!

Q. Why did the girl take a ladder to school?
A. Because she thought it was a high school.

Q. What do you call a fairy that hasn't taken a bath?
A. STINKerbell.

Q. What do birds get when they are ill?
A. TWEETment.

Q. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
A. In case he got a hole in one!

Q. What did the student say after the teacher said, "Order students, order?"
A. "Can I have fries and a burger?"

Q. What can you put in a barrel that makes it lighter?
A. Holes!

Q. What did one cliff say to the other cliff?
A. "Don't try to bluff me."

Q. Which animal is the oldest in the world?
A. The zebra because it's still black and white.

Q. Where do bees go after they are married?
A. On their HONEY-moon!

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