Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

School Jokes

We've got lots of funny School jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What did the student say after the teacher said, "Order students, order?"
A. "Can I have fries and a burger?"

Q. What do you do with dead elements?
A. Barium!

Q. Why was the little bird punished?
A. It was caught peeping in school.

Q. Why did the teacher go to the beach?
A. To test the water.

Q. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
A. Because her students were bright!

Q. What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
A. Pick them up and roll them back to her!

Q. Where did the pencil go for vacation?
A. To Pennsylvania.

Q. If I did this equation, 23x45+27x99= What answer would I get?
A. A very big number!

Q. Why didn't the class clown use hair oil the day before the big test?
A. Because he didn't want anything to slip his mind.

Q. Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?
A. Because when you add four and four you get ate (eight).

Q. Why did the teacher draw on the window?
A. Because he wanted his lesson to be very clear!

Q. Why is history the sweetest lesson?
A. Because it is full of dates.

Q. Which bet can't be won?
A. Alphabet.

Q. Why did the pencil cross the road first?
A. He was the LEADer!

Q. What's the best place to grow flowers in school?
A. In kindergarden.

Q. How many letters are in the alphabet?
A. 11, T-H-E A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

Q. Why was the broom late for school?
A. He over swept.

Q. What did the scientist say to the hydrogen atom that claimed it lost an electron?
A. "Are you positive?"

Q. Why did the girl take a ladder to school?
A. Because she thought it was a high school.

Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad there is no school on Saturday?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Justin
Justin who?
Just in time for school!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad we are out of school?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Canoe
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Broken pencil
Broken pencil who?
Oh, never mind it's pointless!

Jokes

Teacher: Order children, order! Student 1: I want a burger! Student 2: I want chocolate ice cream! Student 3: I want Lasagne! Teacher: Sheesh! Students: (laughing) Sorry!!!
 

A teacher asked a boy a question after she had read her lesson. The boy just held his ears and shut his mouth "Why are you not giving me any answer?" "Because what ever you taught me goes in my ears and if I open my mouth, I will forget everything you said."
 

Teacher: Who was the first woman on earth? Boy: I don't know? Teacher: Think of the apple story. Boy: I know, Granny Smith!
 

Teacher: Have you completed the work at home? Student: No, sir. Teacher (angrily): Why? Student: Because my father has hired servants to do the work at home.
 

Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell Crocodile? Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L. Teacher: No, that's wrong. GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
 

Student: Teacher, Teacher! Teacher: Yes? Student: Can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: After you recite the alphabet. Student: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z! Teacher: Where did the P go? Student: It's running down my leg!
 

Teacher: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? Donald: H I J K L M N O. Teacher: What are you talking about? Donald: Yesterday you said it was H to O.
 

"Explain the theory of expansion and contraction," the teacher asked one of the pupils. "A substance expands when it is heated and contracts when it is cooled." "No wonder we have a long vacation in summer and a short one in winter," remarked another pupil.
 

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the classroom. The teacher asked why are you arguing. One of the boys said, "We found a $10 bill and decided to give it to the person who tells the biggest lie." The teacher said, "You should be ashamed of yourselves. When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie meant." The two boys gave the $10 bill to the teacher.
 

Teacher: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? Harold: A teacher.
 


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