Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

School Jokes

We've got lots of funny School jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D


Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. "I've got a lot of problems."

Q. How did the teacher knit a suit of armor?
A. She used steel wool!

Q. Why did the student drown?
A. All her grades were below C-level!

Q. What did the student say after the teacher said, "Order students, order?"
A. "Can I have fries and a burger?"

Q. Which building has the most stories?
A. Library!

Q. What happened when the teacher tied all the kids shoe laces together?
A. They had a class trip!

Q. Why was the music teacher not able to open his class room?
A. Because his keys were on the piano.

Q. What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
A. Pick them up and roll them back to her!

Q. What did the calculator say to the other calculator?
A. "You can count on me!"

Q. What did the scientist say to the hydrogen atom that claimed it lost an electron?
A. "Are you positive?"

Q. I usually wear a yellow coat. I usually have a black tip and wherever I go I make marks. What am I?
A. A pencil.

Q. Why is 2+2=5 like your left foot?
A. It's not right.

Q. What is white when dirty and black when clean?
A. A blackboard.

Q. What is a math teacher's favourite dessert?
A. Pi!

Q. Why are school cafeteria workers cruel?
A. Because they batter fish, beat eggs, and whip cream.

Q. Why doesn't the sun go to college?
A. Because it has a million degrees!

Q. How many sides does a circle have?
A. Two, inside and out.

Q. What is yellow on the outside and gray on the inside?
A. A school bus full of elephants!

Q. What kind of teacher passes gas?
A. A tutor!

Q. What's the difference between a train and a teacher?
A. The teacher says, "Spit your gum out" and the train says, "Choo-choo!"


Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange who?
Orange you glad we are out of school?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Broken pencil
Broken pencil who?
Oh, never mind it's pointless!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange who?
Orange you glad there is no school on Saturday?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Justin who?
Just in time for school!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?



When Dad came home he was astonished to see Alec sitting on a horse writing something. "What on earth are you doing up there?" Dad asked. "Well the teacher told us to write an essay on our favourite animal. That's why I'm up here and sitting on the goldfish bowl!"

Teacher: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? Clyde: No, sir. It's the same dog.

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the classroom. The teacher asked why are you arguing. One of the boys said, "We found a $10 bill and decided to give it to the person who tells the biggest lie." The teacher said, "You should be ashamed of yourselves. When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie meant." The two boys gave the $10 bill to the teacher.

A small boy is asked to find out what the first 4 letters of the alphabet are for his homework. "Mum, what's the first letter of the alphabet?" "Shut up and go away," she replied. The boy went to his dad. "Dad, what's the second letter of the alphabet?" "YYYYEEEAAAHHH!!!" The boy's dad roared; football was on the TV and his team had scored. "Brother, what is the third letter of the alphabet?" The boy asked his brother, who was playing with his action men. "Action Man, the greatest hero of them all!" He cried. "Sister, what is the fourth letter of the alphabet?" The boy's sister was playing with her Barbie dolls. "Drive away in the Barbie car, beep, beep!" The boy's sister sang. The next day in school the teacher asked the boy what the first letter was. "Shut up and go away!" He replied. "Do you want to see the head teacher?" Teacher yells. "YEAH!!" The boy is sent to the head teacher. "Who do you think you are?" The headmaster shouts in his face. "Action Man, the greatest hero of them all!" "How do you think you're going to get away with this?" "Drive away in the Barbie car, beep, beep!"

There was a really dumb girl and she failed a test. Her teacher wanted her to come in after school and make it up. On the note home to her parents the teacher wrote: Make up test. The following day the girl brought lipstick and eye shadow to school.

A first grade teacher was telling her students the story of "Chicken Little." She got to the part when Chicken Little ran up to the Farmer saying, "The sky is falling. The sky is falling." Then the teacher paused and asked the kids what they thought the farmer said. One little girl raised her hand and the teacher called on her. The little girl then said, "I think the farmer said Holy cow, a talking chicken!"

Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your dad for another, how much would you have? Boy: One dollar. Teacher: Are you sure? Boy: Yes, my dad wouldn't give me a dollar!

A teacher said to a student could you count to ten for me. This is what the kid said: "1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 10." The teacher asked, "Where is 9." "7 ate 9," said the student matter-of-factly.

A boy was told to write a 100 word essay. He thought for a bit then started. 'I went out to call my cat in for the night, so I called 'kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty...'

Teacher: Joey, I thought I told you to stand at the END of the line! Joey: I tried, but someone was already standing there!

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