Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

School Jokes

We've got lots of funny School jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. Why did the Cyclops close his school?
A. Because he only had one pupil.

Q. What is a snake's favourite subject?
A. HISStory!

Q. Why did the student bring scissors to class?
A. He wanted to cut class!

Q. Why was the voice teacher so good at baseball?
A. Because she had the perfect pitch.

Q. What did the cross eyed teacher say to the principal?
A. "I can't control my pupils!"

Q. Where do New York City kids learn their multiplication tables?
A. Times Square.

Q. Why do mathematicians like airlines?
A. They use Pi-lots.

Q. Why are school cafeteria workers cruel?
A. Because they batter fish, beat eggs, and whip cream.

Q. Why was the little bird punished?
A. It was caught peeping in school.

Q. Why did the students study in the aeroplane?
A. Because they wanted higher grades.

Q. How many sides does a circle have?
A. Two, inside and out.

Q. Why doesn't the sun go to college?
A. Because it has a million degrees!

Q. Why did the pencil cross the road first?
A. He was the LEADer!

Q. Why did the children eat their homework?
A. Because their teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Q. What did the calculator say to the other calculator?
A. "You can count on me!"

Q. What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A. The teacher says throw out that gum and a train says chew, chew!

Q. I usually wear a yellow coat. I usually have a black tip and wherever I go I make marks. What am I?
A. A pencil.

Q. Why did Daniel go to the top of the school?
A. Because he wanted to go to high school.

Q. Where did the pencil go for vacation?
A. To Pennsylvania.

Q. Why did the teacher draw on the window?
A. Because he wanted his lesson to be very clear!

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad there is no school on Saturday?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad we are out of school?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Broken pencil
Broken pencil who?
Oh, never mind it's pointless!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Justin
Justin who?
Just in time for school!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Canoe
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?

Jokes

"Explain the theory of expansion and contraction," the teacher asked one of the pupils. "A substance expands when it is heated and contracts when it is cooled." "No wonder we have a long vacation in summer and a short one in winter," remarked another pupil.
 

A small boy is asked to find out what the first 4 letters of the alphabet are for his homework. "Mum, what's the first letter of the alphabet?" "Shut up and go away," she replied. The boy went to his dad. "Dad, what's the second letter of the alphabet?" "YYYYEEEAAAHHH!!!" The boy's dad roared; football was on the TV and his team had scored. "Brother, what is the third letter of the alphabet?" The boy asked his brother, who was playing with his action men. "Action Man, the greatest hero of them all!" He cried. "Sister, what is the fourth letter of the alphabet?" The boy's sister was playing with her Barbie dolls. "Drive away in the Barbie car, beep, beep!" The boy's sister sang. The next day in school the teacher asked the boy what the first letter was. "Shut up and go away!" He replied. "Do you want to see the head teacher?" Teacher yells. "YEAH!!" The boy is sent to the head teacher. "Who do you think you are?" The headmaster shouts in his face. "Action Man, the greatest hero of them all!" "How do you think you're going to get away with this?" "Drive away in the Barbie car, beep, beep!"
 

A teacher said, "Children, stand in a straight circle!"
 

Stevie: Hey, Mom, I got a hundred in school today. Mom: That's wonderful! What did you get a hundred in? Stevie: In two things: I got forty in reading and sixty in spelling.
 

Teacher: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? Simon: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
 

Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell Crocodile? Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L. Teacher: No, that's wrong. GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
 

The teacher to a student: Conjugate the verb "to walk" in simple present. The student: I walk. You walk, .. The teacher interrupts him: Quicker please. The student: I run. You run.
 

Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? Louie: Because George still had the axe in his hand?
 

Principal: Well, Ronald, I hear you missed the first day back to school. Ronald: Yeah, but I didn't miss it very much.
 

A teacher said to a student could you count to ten for me. This is what the kid said: "1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 10." The teacher asked, "Where is 9." "7 ate 9," said the student matter-of-factly.
 


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