Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

School Jokes

We've got lots of funny School jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What did the bully have for lunch?
A. He had a knuckle sandwich!

Q. Where did the pencil go for vacation?
A. To Pennsylvania.

Q. Why is history the sweetest lesson?
A. Because it is full of dates.

Q. Why was the music teacher not able to open his class room?
A. Because his keys were on the piano.

Q. What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
A. Pick them up and roll them back to her!

Q. What do ducks use for math?
A. A QUACK-ulator !

Q. What is a snake's favourite subject?
A. HISStory!

Q. Which bet can't be won?
A. Alphabet.

Q. Why do mathematicians like airlines?
A. They use Pi-lots.

Q. Where do birds go to school?
A. High school.

Q. Why is 2+2=5 like your left foot?
A. It's not right.

Q. What kind of teacher passes gas?
A. A tutor!

Q. Why did Goofy take a ladder to school?
A. Because he wanted to get to high school.

Q. What do you call a boy with a dictionary in his pocket?
A. Smartie Pants!

Q. What becomes smaller when you turn it upside down?
A. The number nine.

Q. Why are school cafeteria workers cruel?
A. Because they batter fish, beat eggs, and whip cream.

Q. Where do pencils come from?
A. Pennsylvania.

Q. What is white when dirty and black when clean?
A. A blackboard.

Q. Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
A. To reach the high notes!

Q. What did the glue say to the teacher?
A. "I'm stuck on you."

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Canoe
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad there is no school on Saturday?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Broken pencil
Broken pencil who?
Oh, never mind it's pointless!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Justin
Justin who?
Just in time for school!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad we are out of school?

Jokes

Teacher: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? Donald: H I J K L M N O. Teacher: What are you talking about? Donald: Yesterday you said it was H to O.
 

Stevie: Hey, Mom, I got a hundred in school today. Mom: That's wonderful! What did you get a hundred in? Stevie: In two things: I got forty in reading and sixty in spelling.
 

A boy was told to write a 100 word essay. He thought for a bit then started. 'I went out to call my cat in for the night, so I called 'kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty...'
 

A teacher asked a boy a question after she had read her lesson. The boy just held his ears and shut his mouth "Why are you not giving me any answer?" "Because what ever you taught me goes in my ears and if I open my mouth, I will forget everything you said."
 

Teacher: Mark can you tell me what you would like to be in the future? Mark: I'd like to be a billionaire and be famous. Teacher: Interesting, what about you Esther. Esther: I'd like to be Mark's wife!
 

Once there was a boy who needed to do his home work. His homework was to write down his family's favourite words. So when he got home he asked his mom who was listening to the radio, "What is your favourite word mom?" "Shut up!" So he wrote that down. Then he went to his dad who was watching football and his favourite team had just scored a goal, so the little boy asked his dad,"What is your favourite word dad?" "Yeah!" So he wrote that down. Next he went to his big sister and he asked her, "What is your favourite word?" She was listening to her favourite CD and said, "A lollipop, a lollipop, a lollipop." So he wrote that down. Next he went to his brother. He was watching the end of Batman, he asked him, "What is your favourite word?" "Nananananananana Batman!" so he wrote that down. Then he went to his baby sister who was playing with her cars. So he asked her, "What is your favourite word?" "Voom, voom car, a voom, voom car." So he wrote that down. The next day at school, the teacher asked him to share his homework with the class He said, "Shut up!" The teacher said, "Do you want to go to the principal's office?" "Yeah!" "What do you think you deserve?" "A lollipop, a lollipop, a lollipop." "Who do you think you are?" "Nananananananana Batman!" "What do you think you are going to get away with?" "Voom, voom car, a voom, voom car."
 

Student asking his teacher: Do you punish people for things they don't do? Teacher: No. Student: Good, because I haven't done my homework today.
 

Teacher: Order children, order! Student 1: I want a burger! Student 2: I want chocolate ice cream! Student 3: I want Lasagne! Teacher: Sheesh! Students: (laughing) Sorry!!!
 

The teacher to a student: Conjugate the verb "to walk" in simple present. The student: I walk. You walk, .. The teacher interrupts him: Quicker please. The student: I run. You run.
 

A small boy is asked to find out what the first 4 letters of the alphabet are for his homework. "Mum, what's the first letter of the alphabet?" "Shut up and go away," she replied. The boy went to his dad. "Dad, what's the second letter of the alphabet?" "YYYYEEEAAAHHH!!!" The boy's dad roared; football was on the TV and his team had scored. "Brother, what is the third letter of the alphabet?" The boy asked his brother, who was playing with his action men. "Action Man, the greatest hero of them all!" He cried. "Sister, what is the fourth letter of the alphabet?" The boy's sister was playing with her Barbie dolls. "Drive away in the Barbie car, beep, beep!" The boy's sister sang. The next day in school the teacher asked the boy what the first letter was. "Shut up and go away!" He replied. "Do you want to see the head teacher?" Teacher yells. "YEAH!!" The boy is sent to the head teacher. "Who do you think you are?" The headmaster shouts in his face. "Action Man, the greatest hero of them all!" "How do you think you're going to get away with this?" "Drive away in the Barbie car, beep, beep!"
 


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