Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Halloween Jokes

We've got lots of funny Halloween jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. Why didn't the ghost go boo?
A. Because it had no guts.

Q. Why didn't the skeleton want to go to the dance?
A. Because he had no body to go with.

Q. How do phantoms travel?
A. Ghost to ghost.

Q. What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
A. Any old girl he can dig up.

Q. Why did the skeleton stand in the corner during his prom?
A. He had no body to dance with!

Q. What did one casket say to the other casket?
A. "Is that you coffin?" (coughing)

Q. Why can't you tell a skeleton a secret?
A. Because it goes in one ear and out the other.

Q. Why don't skeletons play music in church?
A. They have no organs.

Q. What did the jack-o'-lantern say to the other jack-o'-lantern when they were on their way to a Halloween party?
A. "Let's get glowing."

Q. Why do witches fly around on broomsticks?
A. Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy!

Q. What do you call a vampire 200 miles from a blood bank?
A. A cab.

Q. Why did the vampire give up acting?
A. Because he couldn't find a part he could sink his teeth into.

Q. Why couldn't the skeleton laugh?
A. Because he lost his funny bone.

Q. What kind of dog does a vampire have?
A. A bloodhound.

Q. What did the ghost put on his bagel?
A. SCREAM cheese!

Q. Why didn't the mummy answer the phone?
A. He was all tied up!

Q. What do you get when two skeletons dance in a biscuit tin?
A. Noise!

Q. Where is the zombie's favorite room in the house?
A. The living room.

Q. Who does Frankenstein invite to his party?
A. Anyone he can gobble up!

Q. What did the witch have for snack?
A. A sandwich.

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Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ivana
Ivana who?
Ivana suck your blood.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Frank
Frank who?
Frankenstein!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Wolves say
Wolves say who?
Wolves say Happy HOWL-oween!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad it's Halloween?!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
The ghost and the invisible man
The ghost and the invisible man who?
Long time no see!

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Jokes

A skeleton went to the doctor. The doctor looked at the skeleton and said, "Aren't you a little late?"
 

Robert: Did you hear about the goblin that lost his left leg and his left arm? Alan: No, is he ok? Robert: Yes. He's all right now!
 

A skeleton walks in to a bar. He goes to the bartender and says, "I'm going to need a beer and a mop."
 

Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire. Doctor: Drink this glass of water. Patient: Will it make me better? Doctor: No, but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.
 

A guy named Billie Bob Joe goes to a costume dress party with a girl on his back. Harold, answering the door: What are you supposed to be? Billie Bob Joe: A turtle. Harold: What do you mean? Billie Bob Joe: The girl on my back is Michelle.
 

Patty came up to a boy with a sheet over his head on Halloween and asked, "Are you a ghost?" The boy replied, "No, of course not! I'm an unmade bed!"
 

A ghost had been staying in a bed and breakfast hotel and when he came down for dinner he asked the waitress, "Please can I have two eggs, one tough and one rubbery, really tough bacon and burned, fried bread?" The waitress said, "Sir, we really can't serve that kind of horrid food here." The ghost replied, "Well, you did yesterday!"
 

Monster: It is a very hot day today! Witch: So, can I make you a lemonade? Monster: Yes! Witch: Poof! You're lemonade!
 


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