Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Halloween Jokes

We've got lots of funny Halloween jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. Where does a vampire keep his money?
A. In a blood bank.

Q. What kind of candy won't a ghost touch?
A. Life Savers.

Q. Why doesn't a witch wear a flat hat?
A. Because there's no point in it!

Q. Did you hear about the skeleton and his girlfriend?
A. They broke up and he was shattered!

Q. What is the radius of a pumpkin?
A. Pi.

Q. What do you call candy corn?
A. Pumpkin poop!

Q. What is a ghost's favorite color?
A. Boo!

Q. Who did Dracula bring to the prom?
A. His ghoul friend.

Q. What do you get when two skeletons dance in a biscuit tin?
A. Noise!

Q. What do witches call for in a hotel room?
A. Broom service.

Q. Why didn't Dracula have any friends?
A. He was a pain in the neck!

Q. Why couldn't the skeleton laugh?
A. Because he lost his funny bone.

Q. What do vampires never order at a cafe?
A. A STAKE sandwich!

Q. What did the ghost say to his wife?
A. "You look so BOOtiful."

Q. Where did the baby ghost sit?
A. In a BOOster seat!

Q. What's a vampire's favourite part of the guitar?
A. The neck.

Q. What does Dracula say when he doesn't have good news?
A. "I have BAT news, everyone!"

Q. What did the skeleton order with his drink?
A. A mop.

Q. What do you call a dead person in the closet?
A. The 1966 hide-and-go-seek champion.

Q. What did the ghosts eat for dinner?
A. Spoke!

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Boo!
Boo! who?
No, no, don't cry! I was just kidding.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad it's Halloween?!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Wolves say
Wolves say who?
Wolves say Happy HOWL-oween!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Frank
Frank who?
Frankenstein!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
The ghost and the invisible man
The ghost and the invisible man who?
Long time no see!

Jokes

A skeleton went to the doctor. The doctor looked at the skeleton and said, "Aren't you a little late?"
 

Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire. Doctor: Drink this glass of water. Patient: Will it make me better? Doctor: No, but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.
 

Patty came up to a boy with a sheet over his head on Halloween and asked, "Are you a ghost?" The boy replied, "No, of course not! I'm an unmade bed!"
 

A skeleton walks in to a bar. He goes to the bartender and says, "I'm going to need a beer and a mop."
 

Robert: Did you hear about the goblin that lost his left leg and his left arm? Alan: No, is he ok? Robert: Yes. He's all right now!
 

A ghost had been staying in a bed and breakfast hotel and when he came down for dinner he asked the waitress, "Please can I have two eggs, one tough and one rubbery, really tough bacon and burned, fried bread?" The waitress said, "Sir, we really can't serve that kind of horrid food here." The ghost replied, "Well, you did yesterday!"
 

Monster: It is a very hot day today! Witch: So, can I make you a lemonade? Monster: Yes! Witch: Poof! You're lemonade!
 

A guy named Billie Bob Joe goes to a costume dress party with a girl on his back. Harold, answering the door: What are you supposed to be? Billie Bob Joe: A turtle. Harold: What do you mean? Billie Bob Joe: The girl on my back is Michelle.
 


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