Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Doctor Jokes

We've got lots of funny Doctor jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. Why was the doctor angry?
A. He lost his patients.

Q. Why did the sick shoe go to the doctor?
A. It wanted to be heeled (healed).

Q. Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
A. Because he felt crummy.

Q. Why did the rope go to the psychologist?
A. Its nerves were frayed.

Q. Why was the doctor angry?
A. He had no patience!

Q. Why did the rope go to the doctor?
A. It had a knot in its stomach.

Q. What did the doctor say to the rocket ship?
A. "Time to get your booster shot!"

Q. How did the centipede run up a million-dollar doctor bill?
A. He sprained his ankle.

Q. Why did the banana go to the doctor's office?
A. Because he wasn't peeling well!

Q. Why did the bucket go to the doctor?
A. He had a pail face!

Q. Why did the dalmation go to the eye doctor?
A. Because he kept seeing spots.

Q. There was a boy and a doctor. The boy was the doctor's son but the doctor was not his dad. Who was the doctor?
A. His mom!

Q. Why did the mattress go the doctor?
A. It had spring fever.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Doctor
Doctor who?
You're right!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Doctor
Doctor who?
You know my name!

Jokes

Father Christmas' sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, "Can you give me a hand?" "Sorry," the motorist replied. "I'm not a mechanic, I'm a chiropodist." "Well, can you give me a toe?"
 

Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I'm going to die in 59 seconds! Doctor: Hang on, I'll be there in a minute.
 

Doctor: Next please! Patient: Can you help me out please? Doctor: Which way did you come in?
 

Patient: Doctor, Doctor! Last night I had a dream I ate a giant marshmallow! Doctor: That's nice, so what's the problem? Patient: Well, when I woke up my pillow was gone!
 

Man: Doctor! Doctor! I ate the key for my door. Doctor: When did you eat it? Man: About two months ago. Doctor: Why are you coming in now? Man: Because at that time I had another key.
 

Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire. Doctor: Drink this glass of water. Patient: Will it make me better? Doctor: No, but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.
 

Doctor: What's your problem? Patient: Doctor, I don't know why nobody wants to talk to me. Doctor: Nurse, call the next patient!
 

An airplane was falling from the sky. Four were aboard, a doctor, a vet, the pilot, and a man who thought he was the smartest person in the world. There were only three parachutes. Doctor: I'm a doctor, so I should jump down first. So he took a parachute and jumped off the plane. The smartest person in the world: Well, I'm the smartest man in the world so I should jump off next. So he took a bag and jumped off. There were two people left. Pilot: How will we decide who jumps off next? Vet: We don't have to, the smartest man in the world just jumped off with my backpack.
 

A teenager saw twins and said to her friend, "I really need to see the doctor! I am seeing double!"
 

Patient: Doctor, Doctor, will this ointment clear up my spots? Doctor: I never make rash promises.
 


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