Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Doctor Jokes

We've got lots of funny Doctor jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. How did the centipede run up a million-dollar doctor bill?
A. He sprained his ankle.

Q. Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
A. Because he felt crummy.

Q. Why was the doctor angry?
A. He had no patience!

Q. Why did the sick shoe go to the doctor?
A. It wanted to be heeled (healed).

Q. Why was the doctor angry?
A. He lost his patients.

Q. Why did the banana go to the doctor's office?
A. Because he wasn't peeling well!

Q. Why did the rope go to the psychologist?
A. Its nerves were frayed.

Q. Why did the rope go to the doctor?
A. It had a knot in its stomach.

Q. What did the doctor say to the rocket ship?
A. "Time to get your booster shot!"

Q. There was a boy and a doctor. The boy was the doctor's son but the doctor was not his dad. Who was the doctor?
A. His mom!

Q. Why did the bucket go to the doctor?
A. He had a pail face!

Q. Why did the dalmation go to the eye doctor?
A. Because he kept seeing spots.

Q. Why did the mattress go the doctor?
A. It had spring fever.

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Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Doctor
Doctor who?
You know my name!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Doctor
Doctor who?
You're right!

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Jokes

Patient: Doctor, Doctor! Last night I had a dream I ate a giant marshmallow! Doctor: That's nice, so what's the problem? Patient: Well, when I woke up my pillow was gone!
 

Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire. Doctor: Drink this glass of water. Patient: Will it make me better? Doctor: No, but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.
 

A skeleton went to the doctor. The doctor looked at the skeleton and said, "Aren't you a little late?"
 

Patient: Oh Dr. Nerdy! Everyone seems to ignore me! It's like I'm invisi- Dr. Nerdy: Next, please!
 

A man is in the hospital and he can't talk. All of a sudden the man's wife comes in the room and stands in the corner. The man starts to act like something's wrong. So the doctor gives him a sheet of paper and pencil. The man writes something down and as soon as he finishes he folds the paper and dies. The doctor gets the note and gives it to the wife. She is curious she reads the note. It said, "You are standing on my oxygen cord."
 

An airplane was falling from the sky. Four were aboard, a doctor, a vet, the pilot, and a man who thought he was the smartest person in the world. There were only three parachutes. Doctor: I'm a doctor, so I should jump down first. So he took a parachute and jumped off the plane. The smartest person in the world: Well, I'm the smartest man in the world so I should jump off next. So he took a bag and jumped off. There were two people left. Pilot: How will we decide who jumps off next? Vet: We don't have to, the smartest man in the world just jumped off with my backpack.
 

Patient: Doctor, Doctor. I keep seeing in to the future. Doctor: When did this start? Patient: Next Tuesday.
 

A man said to his doctor, "I can't stop telling lies." The doctor replied, "I don't believe you!"
 

Man: Doctor! Doctor! I ate the key for my door. Doctor: When did you eat it? Man: About two months ago. Doctor: Why are you coming in now? Man: Because at that time I had another key.
 

Patient: Doctor, Doctor, will this ointment clear up my spots? Doctor: I never make rash promises.
 


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