Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Christmas Jokes

We've got lots of funny Christmas jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
A. Because of all the wrapping!

Q. What flies when it's born, lies when it's alive, and runs when it's dead?
A. Snow.

Q. How did the sheep say Merry Christmas?
A. "Fleece Avoided."

Q. What is invisible and smells like milk and cookies?
A. Santa's burps!

Q. Why did the candy cane cross the road?
A. Because it wanted to get a licking!

Q. What do you get if you cross Santa and a dog?
A. Santa Paws!

Q. What did the cow get for Christmas?
A. A COWculator.

Q. Why were the kids afraid of Christmas?
A. Because of Santa Claws!

Q. What does Santa clean his sleigh with?
A. Comet.

Q. What is green, white, and red all over?
A. A sunburnt elf.

Q. What goes in a chimney red and comes out of it black?
A. Santa Claus.

Q. What did the ghost say to Santa Claus?
A. "I'll have a boo Christmas without you."

Q. What do they sing under the ocean during the winter?
A. Christmas Corals!

Q. Where do snowmen keep their money?
A. In a snowbank.

Q. Why does Rudolph have a red nose?
A. Because he sneezes a lot!

Q. What's black and white and red all over?
A. Santa covered with chimney soot.

Q. Who gives presents to baby sharks?
A. Santa Jaws.

Q. What nationality is Santa Claus?
A. North Polish.

Q. What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament?
A. "Aren't you tired of hanging around?"

Q. What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked in the sky?
A. "Looks like rain, dear."

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Irish
Irish who?
Irish you a Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Santa
Santa who?
Santa Clause!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gladis
Gladis who?
Gladis not me who got coal this Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Sandy
Sandy who?
Sandy Claus!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary
Mary who?
Merry Christmas!

Jokes

Santa Claus: What's that terrible racket outside? Mrs. Claus: It's rain deer.
 

They say in the first part in the song Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer there are only 8 reindeer but there are really 12. First there is Rudolf, of course. Then there is Olive, Olive the other reindeer. Then there is Howe, and Howe the reindeer loved him. Then there is Andy, Andy shouted out with glee. There are 12 reindeer in all.
 

Father Christmas' sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, "Can you give me a hand?" "Sorry," the motorist replied. "I'm not a mechanic, I'm a chiropodist." "Well, can you give me a toe?"
 

The TV game show was really close. One contestant was asked to name 2 of Santa's reindeer. The contestant gave a sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question, "Rudolph and Olive!" The host asked the contestant, "We'll accept Rudolph but can you explain Olive?" The man looked at the host and said, "You know, 'Olive,' the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."
 

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant. "That's no offence," said the judge. "It is if you do it before the shops are open," countered the prosecutor.
 

Husband: Why don't you buy Christmas seals? Wife: I really don't know how I'd feed them!
 


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