Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Christmas Jokes

We've got lots of funny Christmas jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. Why does Rudolph have a red nose?
A. Because he sneezes a lot!

Q. What do you call a Christmas duck?
A. A Christmas quacker!

Q. What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
A. The Christmas alphabet has NOEL!

Q. What kind of bug hates Christmas?
A. A humbug.

Q. What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
A. An ice burger with chili sauce.

Q. What did the reindeer say when he saw an elf?
A. Nothing, reindeer can't talk.

Q. What do you call Santa when he goes down a chimney with a fire at the bottom?
A. Krisp Cringle.

Q. What is the cleanest reindeer called?
A. Comet.

Q. What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet!

Q. What's white and red and goes up and down and up and down?
A. Santa Claus in an elevator!

Q. What do you get if you cross an apple and a Christmas tree?
A. Pineapple.

Q. How long should a reindeer's legs be?
A. Just long enough to reach the ground!

Q. What's a good holiday tip?
A. Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.

Q. Why did the candy cane cross the road?
A. Because it wanted to get a licking!

Q. What did the gingerbread man find on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet!

Q. Why are there only snowmen and not snowwomen?
A. Because only men would stand out in the snow without a coat.

Q. Where do snowmen go to dance?
A. The snowball.

Q. How do you scare a snowman?
A. You get a hairdryer!

Q. What is big, red and flies in the sky?
A. Santa Claus.

Q. Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
A. Because he wanted to sleep like a log!

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Sandy
Sandy who?
Sandy Claus!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Irish
Irish who?
Irish you a Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary
Mary who?
Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ho, Ho, Ho
Ho, Ho, Ho who?
Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas to you!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gladis
Gladis who?
Gladis not me who got coal this Christmas!

Jokes

Santa Claus: What's that terrible racket outside? Mrs. Claus: It's rain deer.
 

They say in the first part in the song Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer there are only 8 reindeer but there are really 12. First there is Rudolf, of course. Then there is Olive, Olive the other reindeer. Then there is Howe, and Howe the reindeer loved him. Then there is Andy, Andy shouted out with glee. There are 12 reindeer in all.
 

Father Christmas' sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, "Can you give me a hand?" "Sorry," the motorist replied. "I'm not a mechanic, I'm a chiropodist." "Well, can you give me a toe?"
 

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant. "That's no offence," said the judge. "It is if you do it before the shops are open," countered the prosecutor.
 

The TV game show was really close. One contestant was asked to name 2 of Santa's reindeer. The contestant gave a sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question, "Rudolph and Olive!" The host asked the contestant, "We'll accept Rudolph but can you explain Olive?" The man looked at the host and said, "You know, 'Olive,' the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."
 

Husband: Why don't you buy Christmas seals? Wife: I really don't know how I'd feed them!
 


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