Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Christmas Jokes

We've got lots of funny Christmas jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What did the cow get for Christmas?
A. A COWculator.

Q. Where do snowmen keep their money?
A. In a snowbank.

Q. What do you get when you eat Christmas decorations?
A. Tinsilitis!

Q. How long should a reindeer's legs be?
A. Just long enough to reach the ground!

Q. Why does Rudolph have a red nose?
A. Because he sneezes a lot!

Q. How did the sheep say Merry Christmas?
A. "Fleece Avoided."

Q. What do you get if you cross Santa and a dog?
A. Santa Paws!

Q. How do you scare a snowman?
A. You get a hairdryer!

Q. What did the gingerbread man find on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet!

Q. What flies when it's born, lies when it's alive, and runs when it's dead?
A. Snow.

Q. Did you hear about the cracker's Christmas party?
A. It was a BANG!

Q. Why did the elf go to school?
A. To learn his ELFabet.

Q. What does Santa say in a race?
A. "Ready, set, HO!"

Q. What do you get if you cross Santa Claus with a duck?
A. A Christmas Quacker!

Q. Why was Santa's helper depressed?
A. He had low ELF-esteem.

Q. What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked in the sky?
A. "Looks like rain, dear."

Q. What do snowmen do on Christmas?
A. Play with the snow angels.

Q. Why is Santa so good at karate?
A. Because he has a black belt!

Q. What do you get if you cross an apple and a Christmas tree?
A. Pineapple.

Q. What nationality is Santa Claus?
A. North Polish.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow use. I forgot my name again!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Sandy
Sandy who?
Sandy Claus!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Irish
Irish who?
Irish you a Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ho, Ho, Ho
Ho, Ho, Ho who?
Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas to you!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary and Abbey
Mary and Abbey who?
Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!

Jokes

The TV game show was really close. One contestant was asked to name 2 of Santa's reindeer. The contestant gave a sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question, "Rudolph and Olive!" The host asked the contestant, "We'll accept Rudolph but can you explain Olive?" The man looked at the host and said, "You know, 'Olive,' the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."
 

Father Christmas' sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, "Can you give me a hand?" "Sorry," the motorist replied. "I'm not a mechanic, I'm a chiropodist." "Well, can you give me a toe?"
 

They say in the first part in the song Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer there are only 8 reindeer but there are really 12. First there is Rudolf, of course. Then there is Olive, Olive the other reindeer. Then there is Howe, and Howe the reindeer loved him. Then there is Andy, Andy shouted out with glee. There are 12 reindeer in all.
 

Santa Claus: What's that terrible racket outside? Mrs. Claus: It's rain deer.
 

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant. "That's no offence," said the judge. "It is if you do it before the shops are open," countered the prosecutor.
 

Husband: Why don't you buy Christmas seals? Wife: I really don't know how I'd feed them!
 


To see more Christmas jokes, click the Refresh button, below.

 We also have jokes about…
Advertisement