Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Christmas Jokes

We've got lots of funny Christmas jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What's red and white, red and white, red and white?
A. Santa Claus rolling down the hill.

Q. Where does a snowman keep his money?
A. In a snow bank.

Q. What's the best thing to give your parents for Christmas?
A. A list of everything you want!

Q. What did the monkey sing on Christmas day?
A. Jungle bells, Jungle bells...

Q. What is invisible and smells like milk and cookies?
A. Santa's burps!

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A. A puddle!

Q. What did the ghost say to Santa Claus?
A. "I'll have a boo Christmas without you."

Q. Where do snowmen go to dance?
A. The snowball.

Q. What is green, white, and red all over?
A. A sunburnt elf.

Q. How was the snow globe feeling?
A. A little shaken!

Q. Which elf was the best singer?
A. ELFis Presley.

Q. What did the reindeer say when he saw an elf?
A. Nothing, reindeer can't talk.

Q. Why didn't the wig get any presents on Christmas?
A. Because it was very knotty.

Q. Why does Santa have three gardens?
A. So he can go HOE HOE HOE.

Q. Why are Christmas trees such bad knitters?
A. They are always dropping their needles.

Q. What kind of bug hates Christmas?
A. A humbug.

Q. What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament?
A. "Aren't you tired of hanging around?"

Q. What's white and red and goes up and down and up and down?
A. Santa Claus in an elevator!

Q. What says, "Now you see me, now you don't, now you see me, now you don't?"
A. A snowman on a cross walk!

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Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary
Mary who?
Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary and Abbey
Mary and Abbey who?
Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Sandy
Sandy who?
Sandy Claus!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ho, Ho, Ho
Ho, Ho, Ho who?
Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas to you!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow use. I forgot my name again!

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Jokes

The TV game show was really close. One contestant was asked to name 2 of Santa's reindeer. The contestant gave a sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question, "Rudolph and Olive!" The host asked the contestant, "We'll accept Rudolph but can you explain Olive?" The man looked at the host and said, "You know, 'Olive,' the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."
 

Husband: Why don't you buy Christmas seals? Wife: I really don't know how I'd feed them!
 

Father Christmas' sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, "Can you give me a hand?" "Sorry," the motorist replied. "I'm not a mechanic, I'm a chiropodist." "Well, can you give me a toe?"
 

They say in the first part in the song Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer there are only 8 reindeer but there are really 12. First there is Rudolf, of course. Then there is Olive, Olive the other reindeer. Then there is Howe, and Howe the reindeer loved him. Then there is Andy, Andy shouted out with glee. There are 12 reindeer in all.
 

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant. "That's no offence," said the judge. "It is if you do it before the shops are open," countered the prosecutor.
 

Santa Claus: What's that terrible racket outside? Mrs. Claus: It's rain deer.
 


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