Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Christmas Jokes

We've got lots of funny Christmas jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A. A puddle!

Q. How do you scare a snowman?
A. You get a hairdryer!

Q. What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
A. The Christmas alphabet has NOEL!

Q. What's red and white, red and white, red and white?
A. Santa Claus rolling down the hill.

Q. What did the cow get for Christmas?
A. A COWculator.

Q. What's white and goes up?
A. A confused snowflake!

Q. Why does Santa have three gardens?
A. So he can go HOE HOE HOE.

Q. What do you get if you cross Santa Claus with a duck?
A. A Christmas Quacker!

Q. Why was Santa's helper depressed?
A. He had low ELF-esteem.

Q. What nationality is Santa Claus?
A. North Polish.

Q. What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet!

Q. What two countries should the chef use when he's making Christmas dinner?
A. Turkey and Greece.

Q. Why does Rudolph have a red nose?
A. Because he sneezes a lot!

Q. What do you get when you cross a cat with Santa Claus?
A. Santa-Claws!

Q. Why did the candy cane cross the road?
A. Because it wanted to get a licking!

Q. What did the monkey sing on Christmas day?
A. Jungle bells, Jungle bells...

Q. What's Santa's favourite candy?
A. Jolly Ranchers!

Q. Why do Rappers like Christmas so much?
A. Because of all the wrapping!

Q. Why are Christmas trees such bad knitters?
A. They are always dropping their needles.

Q. Why did the elf go to school?
A. To learn his ELFabet.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Santa
Santa who?
Santa Clause!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary
Mary who?
Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Irish
Irish who?
Irish you a Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Sandy
Sandy who?
Sandy Claus!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary and Abbey
Mary and Abbey who?
Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!

Jokes

Santa Claus: What's that terrible racket outside? Mrs. Claus: It's rain deer.
 

Husband: Why don't you buy Christmas seals? Wife: I really don't know how I'd feed them!
 

They say in the first part in the song Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer there are only 8 reindeer but there are really 12. First there is Rudolf, of course. Then there is Olive, Olive the other reindeer. Then there is Howe, and Howe the reindeer loved him. Then there is Andy, Andy shouted out with glee. There are 12 reindeer in all.
 

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant. "That's no offence," said the judge. "It is if you do it before the shops are open," countered the prosecutor.
 

Father Christmas' sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, "Can you give me a hand?" "Sorry," the motorist replied. "I'm not a mechanic, I'm a chiropodist." "Well, can you give me a toe?"
 

The TV game show was really close. One contestant was asked to name 2 of Santa's reindeer. The contestant gave a sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question, "Rudolph and Olive!" The host asked the contestant, "We'll accept Rudolph but can you explain Olive?" The man looked at the host and said, "You know, 'Olive,' the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."
 


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