Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Christmas Jokes

We've got lots of funny Christmas jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What is big, red and flies in the sky?
A. Santa Claus.

Q. Why do Rappers like Christmas so much?
A. Because of all the wrapping!

Q. How do you scare a snowman?
A. You get a hairdryer!

Q. What do cows say at Christmas?
A. MOOey Christmas!

Q. What does Santa clean his sleigh with?
A. Comet.

Q. What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
A. The Christmas alphabet has NOEL!

Q. What's black and white and red all over?
A. Santa covered with chimney soot.

Q. What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A. A puddle!

Q. Why are Christmas trees such bad knitters?
A. They are always dropping their needles.

Q. Where did Santa Claus go for vacation?
A. Santa Cruz.

Q. Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
A. Because he wanted to sleep like a log!

Q. What does a cat in the dessert have in common with Christmas?
A. Sandy claws.

Q. What do you call a Christmas duck?
A. A Christmas quacker!

Q. What is a reindeer's favorite instrument?
A. Horns!

Q. What do you get if you cross Santa and a dog?
A. Santa Paws!

Q. What is green, white, and red all over?
A. A sunburnt elf.

Q. What do you call Santa when he goes down a chimney with a fire at the bottom?
A. Krisp Cringle.

Q. Who gives presents to baby sharks?
A. Santa Jaws.

Q. What do you get if you cross mistletoe and a duck?
A. A Christmas Quacker.

Q. What's white and red and goes up and down and up and down?
A. Santa Claus in an elevator!

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gladis
Gladis who?
Gladis not me who got coal this Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary and Abbey
Mary and Abbey who?
Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Sandy
Sandy who?
Sandy Claus!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Santa
Santa who?
Santa Clause!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Irish
Irish who?
Irish you a Merry Christmas!

Jokes

Husband: Why don't you buy Christmas seals? Wife: I really don't know how I'd feed them!
 

They say in the first part in the song Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer there are only 8 reindeer but there are really 12. First there is Rudolf, of course. Then there is Olive, Olive the other reindeer. Then there is Howe, and Howe the reindeer loved him. Then there is Andy, Andy shouted out with glee. There are 12 reindeer in all.
 

Santa Claus: What's that terrible racket outside? Mrs. Claus: It's rain deer.
 

Father Christmas' sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, "Can you give me a hand?" "Sorry," the motorist replied. "I'm not a mechanic, I'm a chiropodist." "Well, can you give me a toe?"
 

The TV game show was really close. One contestant was asked to name 2 of Santa's reindeer. The contestant gave a sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question, "Rudolph and Olive!" The host asked the contestant, "We'll accept Rudolph but can you explain Olive?" The man looked at the host and said, "You know, 'Olive,' the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."
 

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant. "That's no offence," said the judge. "It is if you do it before the shops are open," countered the prosecutor.
 


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