Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Christmas Jokes

We've got lots of funny Christmas jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What is big, red and flies in the sky?
A. Santa Claus.

Q. What kind of bug hates Christmas?
A. A humbug.

Q. What do call Santa when he stops moving?
A. Santa Pause!

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. What do you get if you cross Santa and a dog?
A. Santa Paws!

Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A. Frosted Flakes.

Q. Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
A. Because he wanted to sleep like a log!

Q. What does Santa clean his sleigh with?
A. Comet.

Q. What says, "Now you see me, now you don't, now you see me, now you don't?"
A. A snowman on a cross walk!

Q. Why does Santa have three gardens?
A. So he can go HOE HOE HOE.

Q. Where does a snowman keep his money?
A. In a snow bank.

Q. What do you get if you cross Santa Claus with a duck?
A. A Christmas Quacker!

Q. What do you get when you cross a cat with Santa Claus?
A. Santa-Claws!

Q. What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A. A broken drum, you cant beat it!

Q. What do you call a Christmas duck?
A. A Christmas quacker!

Q. Why are there only snowmen and not snowwomen?
A. Because only men would stand out in the snow without a coat.

Q. What comes before Christmas Eve?
A. Christmas Adam!

Q. How long should a reindeer's legs be?
A. Just long enough to reach the ground!

Q. What does a cat in the dessert have in common with Christmas?
A. Sandy claws.

Q. What is invisible and smells like milk and cookies?
A. Santa's burps!

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ho, Ho, Ho
Ho, Ho, Ho who?
Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas to you!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Irish
Irish who?
Irish you a Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Santa
Santa who?
Santa Clause!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary and Abbey
Mary and Abbey who?
Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow use. I forgot my name again!

Jokes

Santa Claus: What's that terrible racket outside? Mrs. Claus: It's rain deer.
 

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant. "That's no offence," said the judge. "It is if you do it before the shops are open," countered the prosecutor.
 

Father Christmas' sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, "Can you give me a hand?" "Sorry," the motorist replied. "I'm not a mechanic, I'm a chiropodist." "Well, can you give me a toe?"
 

Husband: Why don't you buy Christmas seals? Wife: I really don't know how I'd feed them!
 

The TV game show was really close. One contestant was asked to name 2 of Santa's reindeer. The contestant gave a sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question, "Rudolph and Olive!" The host asked the contestant, "We'll accept Rudolph but can you explain Olive?" The man looked at the host and said, "You know, 'Olive,' the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."
 

They say in the first part in the song Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer there are only 8 reindeer but there are really 12. First there is Rudolf, of course. Then there is Olive, Olive the other reindeer. Then there is Howe, and Howe the reindeer loved him. Then there is Andy, Andy shouted out with glee. There are 12 reindeer in all.
 


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