Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Christmas Jokes

We've got lots of funny Christmas jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What kind of bug hates Christmas?
A. A humbug.

Q. What does a cat in the dessert have in common with Christmas?
A. Sandy claws.

Q. How do you know when Santa's in the room?
A. You can sense his presents.

Q. Why does Santa have three gardens?
A. So he can go HOE HOE HOE.

Q. What comes before Christmas Eve?
A. Christmas Adam!

Q. What do you get when you eat Christmas decorations?
A. Tinsilitis!

Q. What's white, red and blue at Christmas time?
A. A sad candy cane!

Q. Why are Christmas trees such bad knitters?
A. They are always dropping their needles.

Q. What is invisible and smells like milk and cookies?
A. Santa's burps!

Q. What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked in the sky?
A. "Looks like rain, dear."

Q. What do they sing under the ocean during the winter?
A. Christmas Corals!

Q. Did you hear about the cracker's Christmas party?
A. It was a BANG!

Q. Which elf was the best singer?
A. ELFis Presley.

Q. What Christmas carol is a favourite of parents?
A. Silent Night.

Q. What's white and goes up?
A. A confused snowflake!

Q. Why do Rappers like Christmas so much?
A. Because of all the wrapping!

Q. Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
A. Because of all the wrapping!

Q. What did the cow get for Christmas?
A. A COWculator.

Q. Why did the candy cane cross the road?
A. Because it wanted to get a licking!

Q. What do you get if you cross mistletoe and a duck?
A. A Christmas Quacker.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Irish
Irish who?
Irish you a Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gladis
Gladis who?
Gladis not me who got coal this Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary and Abbey
Mary and Abbey who?
Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Santa
Santa who?
Santa Clause!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary
Mary who?
Merry Christmas!

Jokes

Santa Claus: What's that terrible racket outside? Mrs. Claus: It's rain deer.
 

Father Christmas' sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, "Can you give me a hand?" "Sorry," the motorist replied. "I'm not a mechanic, I'm a chiropodist." "Well, can you give me a toe?"
 

They say in the first part in the song Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer there are only 8 reindeer but there are really 12. First there is Rudolf, of course. Then there is Olive, Olive the other reindeer. Then there is Howe, and Howe the reindeer loved him. Then there is Andy, Andy shouted out with glee. There are 12 reindeer in all.
 

Husband: Why don't you buy Christmas seals? Wife: I really don't know how I'd feed them!
 

The TV game show was really close. One contestant was asked to name 2 of Santa's reindeer. The contestant gave a sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question, "Rudolph and Olive!" The host asked the contestant, "We'll accept Rudolph but can you explain Olive?" The man looked at the host and said, "You know, 'Olive,' the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."
 

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant. "That's no offence," said the judge. "It is if you do it before the shops are open," countered the prosecutor.
 


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