Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Christmas Jokes

We've got lots of funny Christmas jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What nationality is Santa Claus?
A. North Polish.

Q. What is a reindeer's favorite instrument?
A. Horns!

Q. What do cows say at Christmas?
A. MOOey Christmas!

Q. How did the sheep say Merry Christmas?
A. "Fleece Avoided."

Q. Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
A. Because he wanted to sleep like a log!

Q. What did the gingerbread man find on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet!

Q. Where did Santa Claus go for vacation?
A. Santa Cruz.

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. Why were the kids afraid of Christmas?
A. Because of Santa Claws!

Q. Where do snowmen go to dance?
A. The snowball.

Q. What do you get when you cross a cat with Santa Claus?
A. Santa-Claws!

Q. What is big, red and flies in the sky?
A. Santa Claus.

Q. What says, "Now you see me, now you don't, now you see me, now you don't?"
A. A snowman on a cross walk!

Q. What do they sing under the ocean during the winter?
A. Christmas Corals!

Q. What do you get when you deep fry Santa Claus?
A. Crisp Kringle.

Q. Why does Rudolph have a red nose?
A. Because he sneezes a lot!

Q. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
A. Nothing, it was on the house!

Q. What's black and white and red all over?
A. Santa covered with chimney soot.

Q. What did the cow get for Christmas?
A. A COWculator.

Q. What do you get if you cross Santa Claus with a duck?
A. A Christmas Quacker!

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary
Mary who?
Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Santa
Santa who?
Santa Clause!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary and Abbey
Mary and Abbey who?
Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ho, Ho, Ho
Ho, Ho, Ho who?
Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas to you!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Sandy
Sandy who?
Sandy Claus!

Jokes

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant. "That's no offence," said the judge. "It is if you do it before the shops are open," countered the prosecutor.
 

They say in the first part in the song Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer there are only 8 reindeer but there are really 12. First there is Rudolf, of course. Then there is Olive, Olive the other reindeer. Then there is Howe, and Howe the reindeer loved him. Then there is Andy, Andy shouted out with glee. There are 12 reindeer in all.
 

Father Christmas' sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, "Can you give me a hand?" "Sorry," the motorist replied. "I'm not a mechanic, I'm a chiropodist." "Well, can you give me a toe?"
 

Husband: Why don't you buy Christmas seals? Wife: I really don't know how I'd feed them!
 

Santa Claus: What's that terrible racket outside? Mrs. Claus: It's rain deer.
 

The TV game show was really close. One contestant was asked to name 2 of Santa's reindeer. The contestant gave a sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question, "Rudolph and Olive!" The host asked the contestant, "We'll accept Rudolph but can you explain Olive?" The man looked at the host and said, "You know, 'Olive,' the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."
 


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