Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Animal Jokes

We've got lots of funny Animal jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. Who was the first deer in space?
A. Buck Rogers.

Q. What is a pampered cow?
A. Spoiled milk.

Q. Did you hear the one about the fox with no ears?
A. He didn't either.

Q. What do you call a cow with a twitch?
A. Beef jerky.

Q. What card game do crocodiles like to play?
A. SNAP!

Q. Where do fish keep their money?
A. In the riverbank.

Q. What do you call a blind dinosaur?
A. Doyouthinkhesarus?

Q. What goes BOUNCE! OUCH! BOUNCE! OUCH! BOUNCE! OUCH?
A. A kangaroo in a room with a low ceiling!

Q. Why did the elephant float down the river on his back?
A. So he wouldn't get his tennis shoes wet.

Q. What does a gorilla say when he is hungry?
A. "Gorilla me a burger."

Q. There is a horse tied to a rope five yards long. Ten yards away there is hay. The horse is eating the hay, how did he get there?
A. The rope isn't tied to anything.

Q. Why is a giraffe's neck so long?
A. Because their feet stink.

Q. What do you get when you cross a hammock and a dog?
A. A rocker spaniel.

Q. If a very small fish married a young dog, what would their baby be called?
A. A guppy puppy.

Q. What do fish eat for lunch?
A. SANDwiches!

Q. Why did the dinosaur wear a bandage?
A. Because he had a dino-SORE!

Q. What do you get when you cross a chicken and a centipede?
A. Drumsticks for everyone!

Q. What are the strongest animals in the ocean?
A. Mussels!

Q. Why did the baby chick cross the road?
A. It was take-your-child-to-work day.

Q. How do you stop a dog from barking in the back seat of your car?
A. Have him sit in front with you.

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Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrup...
Moooooooo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cobra
Cobra who?
Go brush your teeth!!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Lionel
Lionel who?
Lionel bite you if you don't watch out!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don't know
To get to your house.
---
Knock, knock
Who's there?
The chicken!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
A parrot
A parrot who?
A parrot who?
Okay, now I get it!

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Jokes

Mary had a little lamb, But the lamb started to tease her. Mary said, "STOP!" But the lamb refused So now it's in the freezer.
 

Policeman: One of your elephants has been seen chasing a man on a bicycle. Zoo keeper: Nonsense, none of my elephants know how to ride a bicycle.
 

A horse walked into the bar and the bartender said, "Why the long face?"
 

One day a duck waddles into a mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no and the duck waddles out. The next day the duck waddles into the mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no and the duck waddles out. The next day the duck does the same and once again the clerk says no and adds if you ask me one more time I will nail your webbed feet to the floor. So the duck waddles out. The next day the duck waddles into the mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any nails?" The clerk says no. "Then got any grapes?"
 

There's this man, he walks up to this lady's door. The lady answers it. The man says, "I'm terribly sorry. I just ran over your cat. I'd like to replace it." Then the woman says. "How good are you at catching mice?"
 

A man walked into a pub and bought a sandwich, then a panda walked into the pub and stole the sandwich, ate it, shoots the barman and leaves. So the man goes out and says to the panda, "Why did you eat my sandwich, shoot the barman and then just leave?" The panda says, "Look panda up in the dictionary." So he looked Panda up and read: Eats shoots and leaves.
 

There were two cows standing in a field talking to each other. They were talking about Mr. Brown's cows having Mad Cow Disease, when one of the cows said, "It's a good thing we're chickens."
 

A first grade teacher was telling her students the story of "Chicken Little." She got to the part when Chicken Little ran up to the Farmer saying, "The sky is falling. The sky is falling." Then the teacher paused and asked the kids what they thought the farmer said. One little girl raised her hand and the teacher called on her. The little girl then said, "I think the farmer said Holy cow, a talking chicken!"
 

Two turtles were walking across the road, when suddenly a bright red car came racing around the corner and straight for them, one said to the other, "RUN!"
 

Snake 1: I hope I'm not poisonous. Snake 2: Why? Snake 1: Because I just bit my tongue.
 


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