Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Animal Jokes

We've got lots of funny Animal jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. Where is the best place to leave a dog when you go to a ball game?
A. In the barking lot.

Q. Why did the young cat get arrested ?
A. For his litter!

Q. What do you call an angry polar bear?
A. Nothing, just run.

Q. Why did the turtle cross the street?
A. To get to the Shell station.

Q. What do you call a Christmas duck?
A. A Christmas quacker!

Q. How does a rabbit throw a tantrum?
A. He gets hopping mad.

Q. What do cows say at Christmas?
A. MOOey Christmas!

Q. What did the spider do when he went on his computer?
A. He went on his web site!

Q. There is a horse tied to a rope five yards long. Ten yards away there is hay. The horse is eating the hay, how did he get there?
A. The rope isn't tied to anything.

Q. Where do beavers and hamsters live together?
A. Hamsterdam.

Q. What do a car, tree and an elephant have in common?
A. They all have trunks!

Q. Why did the elephant paint his fingernails red?
A. So he could hide in a bowl of cherries.

Q. What kind of shoes do mice like?
A. Squeakers!

Q. If the chicken crossed the road to get to the other side, how did the frog cross the road?
A. He tied himself to the chicken.

Q. Why did the farmer let his cows eat the tall grass?
A. Because it needed to get moooed! (Mowed)

Q. Which animal is the oldest in the world?
A. The zebra because it's still black and white.

Q. Why was the crab arrested?
A. For pinching!

Q. What is black and white and red all over?
A. A penguin doing 100 push ups.

Q. What's big, grey and has red spots?
A. An elephant with chicken pox!

Q. What's black and white and can climb trees?
A. A panda.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
A parrot
A parrot who?
A parrot who?
Okay, now I get it!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dasum
Dasum who?
Dasum cute dog!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Lionel
Lionel who?
Lionel bite you if you don't watch out!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Some bunny
Some bunny who?
Some bunny has been eating my carrots!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Owls
Owls who?
That's correct, owls who!

Jokes

There was a man and he was walking a lion on the side of the street when a policeman came and said, "Sir please don't walk your lion on the side of the street because its very dangerous. Why don't you take him to the zoo?!" The man agreed with him and took his lion to the zoo. The next day the policeman saw the man walking his lion again and told him the same thing but the man said, "I already took him to the zoo and he liked it a lot, now I'm going to take him to the movies."
 

Three pigs walked into a restaurant and the waiter asked them what they would like to drink. The first pig wanted Coke, the second Sprite and the third wanted water, lots and lots of water. The waiter came back to ask for the main course and the first pig wanted salad, the second wanted chicken and the third pig wanted water, lots and lots of water. The waiter came back and asked for their dessert choices. The first pig wanted cake, the second wanted cupcakes and the third pig wanted water, lots and lots of water. The waiter was curious and asked the third pig, "Why do you want so much water?" The third little pig smiled and said, "I'm the little pig that goes, wee, wee, wee all the way home"
 

Snake 1: I hope I'm not poisonous. Snake 2: Why? Snake 1: Because I just bit my tongue.
 

There were 2 cats looking into a green canary's cage. The first cat said to the second cat, "That's not a canary, it's green!" The second cat said, "I don't know, maybe it's not ripe yet!"
 

Down in the south where coconuts grow, an elephant stepped on a mosquito's toe. The mosquito jumped up with tears in his eyes and said, "Excuse me but you're not my size."
 

Policeman: One of your elephants has been seen chasing a man on a bicycle. Zoo keeper: Nonsense, none of my elephants know how to ride a bicycle.
 

An elephant asked an ant, "Please hide me." So the ant replied, "Hide behind me."
 

Peter: Mother, why is a snail stronger than an elephant? Mother: I don't know. Peter: Because a snail can carry its own home, but an elephant can only carry its own trunk.
 

Bob: I lost my dog today. Bill: So put an ad in the paper. Bob: What good would that do? My dog can't read.
 

A woman walks into a bar and sits down next to a guy near a dog. The woman asks, "Does your dog bite?" The guy replied,"No." The woman reached down to pet the dog and it bit her. "I thought you said he didn't bite," she yelled. "That's not my dog," he yelled!
 


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