Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Animal Jokes

We've got lots of funny Animal jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What did the joey say to the turtle?
A. "I can take my home with me too."

Q. What do you call a smart pig?
A. CunningHAM!

Q. Where won't you find a dog shopping?
A. At the flea market!

Q. How do you eat an elephant?
A. One bite at a time.

Q. Why did the hot dog wear a sweater?
A. Because it was a chili dog!

Q. What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
A. Time to get a new fence.

Q. Why can't a leopard hide?
A. Because he's always spotted!

Q. What is black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white and green?
A. Two skunks fighting over a pickle.

Q. What do you get when you cross a pig with a dinosaur?
A. Jurassic Pork.

Q. What kind of monkey can fly?
A. A hot air BABOON!

Q. How do rabbits travel?
A. By hare planes!

Q. What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left for school?
A. Bison!

Q. What is big, grey and has a lot of red bumps?
A. An elephant that was stung by a lot of bees!

Q. There are ten cats on a boat. One jumps off, how many are left?
A. None, they were all copy cats!

Q. What animal has more lives than a cat?
A. A frog because it croaks every night!

Q. What is a dog that sneezes?
A. Achoowawa!

Q. What do you call a cat that eats lemons?
A. A sourpuss.

Q. What sort of appliance does a monkey use?
A. A gorilla. (A griller)

Q. There are 5 fish and 2 drown. How many are left?
A. Fish don't drown.

Q. What's black and white and can climb trees?
A. A panda.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dasum
Dasum who?
Dasum cute dog!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Twit
Twit who?
Did anyone else hear an owl?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Owls
Owls who?
That's correct, owls who!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don't know
To get to your house.
---
Knock, knock
Who's there?
The chicken!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Amos
Amos who?
Amos quito just bit me, boo hoo!

Jokes

A mother snake bought a gift for her son's birthday. The son was so thrilled he hissed, "Mommy! Help me open it. I'm crawling out of my skin with excitement!"
 

There was a man and he was walking a lion on the side of the street when a policeman came and said, "Sir please don't walk your lion on the side of the street because its very dangerous. Why don't you take him to the zoo?!" The man agreed with him and took his lion to the zoo. The next day the policeman saw the man walking his lion again and told him the same thing but the man said, "I already took him to the zoo and he liked it a lot, now I'm going to take him to the movies."
 

A little boy was in a wedding. Every time he walked 2 steps down the aisle, he would roar. When he finally got to the end of the aisle the people asked what he was doing. The little boy said that he was just being the Ring Bear.
 

Down in the south where coconuts grow, an elephant stepped on a mosquito's toe. The mosquito jumped up with tears in his eyes and said, "Excuse me but you're not my size."
 

Bob: I lost my dog today. Bill: So put an ad in the paper. Bob: What good would that do? My dog can't read.
 

There were 3 cats, The first cat said, "Meow." Second cat said, "Meow." Third cat said, "Meow, meow." The first cat said, "Don't change the subject."
 

There was a man who bought a camel. The previous owner told him that to make it walk, say "few," to make it run, say "many" and to make it stop say "amen". So one day the man decided to have a practise ride. He said "few" and the camel started walking, he said "many" and it started running, right towards the edge of a cliff. But the man forgot how to make it stop, so, panicking, he shouted out "Lord save me, Lord save me, Amen" and of course the camel stopped - at the VERY edge. Relieved the man said to himself, "Phew, that was clo-aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
 

LaKesheauna: My dentist put his finger in a lion's mouth to see how many teeth it had. Latangela: What did the lion do? LaKesheauna: It closed its mouth to see how many fingers my dentist had.
 

Mary had a little lamb, But the lamb started to tease her. Mary said, "STOP!" But the lamb refused So now it's in the freezer.
 

When my brother told me to stop impersonating a flamingo I had to put my foot down.
 


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