Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Animal Jokes

We've got lots of funny Animal jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. Why doesn't the elephant use the computer?
A. Because it is afraid of the mouse!

Q. Why did the turtle cross the street?
A. To get to the Shell station.

Q. What's the difference between a dog and a flea?
A. A dog can have fleas, but a flea can't have dogs.

Q. What do you get when you cross a monkey and a pansy?
A. A chimpansy.

Q. Why did the frog cross the road?
A. Because he wanted to show his girlfriend he had guts.

Q. What do you call a sleeping bull?
A. A BULL-dozer.

Q. Where do famous dragons go after they retire?
A. The hall of flame!

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. Because he was tired of living beside KFC!

Q. You are trapped in a room and there are 3 doors. Each door has something behind it. The first door has two hungry lions that have not eaten in four years. The second door has electric lasers all across the room. The third has three ninjas ready to attack. Which door would you pick to go through?
A. The first because the lions would be dead if they have not eaten for 4 years!

Q. What did the snail say when he was riding on the back of a turtle?
A. "Weeeee!"

Q. Why did the elephant paint his fingernails red?
A. So he could hide in a bowl of cherries.

Q. What is a cow's favorite ice cream?
A. MOOnila!

Q. What is a cow's favorite portrait?
A. MOOna Lisa!

Q. What do you call a pig that does karate?
A. Pork Chop!

Q. What kind of bats swing upside down?
A. AcroBATS!

Q. Why is an elephant big, grey and wrinkly?
A. Because if it was small, white and smooth it would be an aspirin!

Q. What's invisible and smells like carrots?
A. Bunny toots!

Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A. No idea. (No eye deer)

Q. What do you get if you cross a bee and a bunny?
A. A honey bunny!

Q. What do you call a crab that will not share?
A. A selfish. (Shellfish)

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Knock-Knock Jokes

Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don't know
To get to your house.
---
Knock, knock
Who's there?
The chicken!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Lionel
Lionel who?
Lionel bite you if you don't watch out!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dasum
Dasum who?
Dasum cute dog!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
A parrot
A parrot who?
A parrot who?
Okay, now I get it!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cows go
Cows go who?
No, cows go moo!

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Jokes

One day, Ah Meng asked Siew Lee, "Why do lions eat raw meat?" Siew Lee said, "Because they are wild animals?" Ah Meng said, "Wrong! They eat raw meat because they can't cook!"
 

A first grade teacher was telling her students the story of "Chicken Little." She got to the part when Chicken Little ran up to the Farmer saying, "The sky is falling. The sky is falling." Then the teacher paused and asked the kids what they thought the farmer said. One little girl raised her hand and the teacher called on her. The little girl then said, "I think the farmer said Holy cow, a talking chicken!"
 

Two turtles were walking across the road, when suddenly a bright red car came racing around the corner and straight for them, one said to the other, "RUN!"
 

LaKesheauna: My dentist put his finger in a lion's mouth to see how many teeth it had. Latangela: What did the lion do? LaKesheauna: It closed its mouth to see how many fingers my dentist had.
 

Once there was a scientist doing a test on a frog. He told the frog to jump, so it jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "4 legs-jumps." Then the scientist cut off one of the frog's front legs and said, "Jump." The frog jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "3 legs-jumps." Then the scientist cut off the frog's other front leg and said, "Jump," and the frog jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "2 legs-jumps." Then the scientist cut off one of the frog's back legs and said, "Jump," and the frog jumped. So the scientist wrote in his notes, "1 leg jump." Then the scientist cut off the last leg and said, "Jump," and the frog didn't move. So the scientist said it again, but it still didn't move, so in his notes the scientist wrote, "No legs-goes deaf."
 

If pigs could fly, imagine what their wings would taste like!
 

There were two sisters and they had $700 to spend on a bull. So one sister stayed home and looked after the farm while the other went to the auction. The sister brought the bull for $699 so she went to the post office and asked how much it was to send a telegram. It was $1 a word. So she told the man to send the word: Comfortable. (Come-for-the-bull.)
 

"Ggggggggggggggggggggggggggg," said the frog. "You've got a frog in your throat," said the other frog.
 

There were 3 cats, The first cat said, "Meow." Second cat said, "Meow." Third cat said, "Meow, meow." The first cat said, "Don't change the subject."
 

One day a lady entered a pet shop. Lady: May I have a rabbit for my daughter? Storekeeper: Sorry Ma'am, we don't do trades.
 


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