Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Animal Jokes

We've got lots of funny Animal jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What does a frog eat with his hamburger?
A. French Flies!

Q. What is black and white and red all over?
A. An injured penguin.

Q. What has two heads, one tail and six legs?
A. A man on a horse.

Q. Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
A. Because he wanted to see his flat mate!

Q. Who gives presents to baby sharks?
A. Santa Jaws.

Q. Why did the turtle cross the street?
A. To get to the Shell station.

Q. What's an angry bull's favourite drink?
A. Red Bull.

Q. What do you get when you mix a German Shepard and a giraffe?
A. A watch dog for the fifteenth floor!

Q. Why don't you see penguins in Britian?
A. They're afraid of Wales!

Q. A skunk, a frog and a duck wanted to go to the movies. The movies cost a dollar, which animal got to go?
A. The frog because it was the only one with a greenback.

Q. Why didn't the dinosaur cross the road?
A. Because roads weren't invented yet!

Q. Why did the lamb go to the river?
A. To get a BAA-th!

Q. What do you call a cow with no legs?
A. Ground beef.

Q. What is grey, has a tail and a trunk?
A. A mouse going on a vacation.

Q. What is the difference between a piano and a fish?
A. You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish!

Q. Why can't you take a test in the zoo?
A. There are too many cheetahs!

Q. How do rabbits travel?
A. By hare planes!

Q. What kind of car does a cow drive?
A. A CATTLEac.

Q. Where do you get draggin' milk?
A. From a cow with short legs.

Q. Where do horses go when they are sick?
A. HORSEpital.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Amos
Amos who?
Amos quito just bit me, boo hoo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dinosaur
Dinosaur who?
Dinosaurs don't go who, they go ROAR!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Some bunny
Some bunny who?
Some bunny has been eating my carrots!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Twit
Twit who?
Did anyone else hear an owl?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Owls
Owls who?
That's correct, owls who!

Jokes

One day a duck waddles into a mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no and the duck waddles out. The next day the duck waddles into the mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no and the duck waddles out. The next day the duck does the same and once again the clerk says no and adds if you ask me one more time I will nail your webbed feet to the floor. So the duck waddles out. The next day the duck waddles into the mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any nails?" The clerk says no. "Then got any grapes?"
 

A newspaper reporter submitted a story about the theft of 2,025 pigs. His editor, struck at the size of the theft, called the farmer to confirm. "Is it true that you lost two thousand twenty-five pigs?" he asked. "Yeth," said the farmer. The editor thanked him, hung up, and changed the phrase to "two sows and 25 pigs."
 

A little boy was in a wedding. Every time he walked 2 steps down the aisle, he would roar. When he finally got to the end of the aisle the people asked what he was doing. The little boy said that he was just being the Ring Bear.
 

There were three pigs and they walked into a restaurant. The waiter said, "What do you want to eat?" The first pig ordered fish and chips the second ordered pizza and the third ordered water. The waiter came again and said, "What do you want for dessert?" The first pig wanted custard, the second some cake and the third wanted water again. The waiter said, "Why do you always have water?" The pig replied, "Because one of us has to go wee, wee, wee all the way home!"
 

There's this man, he walks up to this lady's door. The lady answers it. The man says, "I'm terribly sorry. I just ran over your cat. I'd like to replace it." Then the woman says. "How good are you at catching mice?"
 

Policeman: One of your elephants has been seen chasing a man on a bicycle. Zoo keeper: Nonsense, none of my elephants know how to ride a bicycle.
 

There were 3 cats, The first cat said, "Meow." Second cat said, "Meow." Third cat said, "Meow, meow." The first cat said, "Don't change the subject."
 

Mary had a little lamb, But the lamb started to tease her. Mary said, "STOP!" But the lamb refused So now it's in the freezer.
 

Peter: Mother, why is a snail stronger than an elephant? Mother: I don't know. Peter: Because a snail can carry its own home, but an elephant can only carry its own trunk.
 

There was a man who bought a camel. The previous owner told him that to make it walk, say "few," to make it run, say "many" and to make it stop say "amen". So one day the man decided to have a practise ride. He said "few" and the camel started walking, he said "many" and it started running, right towards the edge of a cliff. But the man forgot how to make it stop, so, panicking, he shouted out "Lord save me, Lord save me, Amen" and of course the camel stopped - at the VERY edge. Relieved the man said to himself, "Phew, that was clo-aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
 


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