Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Animal Jokes

We've got lots of funny Animal jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. Why do fish live in salt water?
A. Because pepper water would make them sneeze!

Q. What do mice feel like when they come out of the shower?
A. Squeaky clean!

Q. There are ten cats on a boat. One jumps off, how many are left?
A. None, they were all copy cats!

Q. What do you call an elephant at the North Pole?
A. Lost.

Q. What goes BOUNCE! OUCH! BOUNCE! OUCH! BOUNCE! OUCH?
A. A kangaroo in a room with a low ceiling!

Q. Who gives presents to baby sharks?
A. Santa Jaws.

Q. Say milk five times really fast. Now, what do cows drink?
A. Water.

Q. One cow is talking to another cow and looks away for 10 seconds and the other cow is gone. Where is the other cow?
A. Over the moon!

Q. What has 6 legs, 4 eyes, 4 ears, 2 noses, 2 mouths and 2 heads?
A. A man sitting on a horse.

Q. What do you call a crab that will not share?
A. A selfish. (Shellfish)

Q. What do you call a dog who wins a race?
A. A weiner.

Q. What animal sleeps with its shoes on?
A. A horse.

Q. What do you call a reptile that sings?
A. A RAPtile!

Q. What is the same size as a elephant, yet weighs nothing?
A. An elephant's shadow!

Q. Why can't a leopard hide?
A. Because he's always spotted!

Q. What do you get when you cross a bird, a car, and a dog?
A. A flying carpet.

Q. How do you stop a rhino from charging?
A. Take away its credit card.

Q. Why did the elephant paint his fingernails red?
A. So he could hide in a bowl of cherries.

Q. Why did the cow eat the tight rope walker?
A. Because he wanted a balanced meal!

Q. Where do cows stay when they go on vacation?
A. MOO-tels!

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrup...
Moooooooo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Amos
Amos who?
Amos quito just bit me, boo hoo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Owls
Owls who?
That's correct, owls who!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don't know
To get to your house.
---
Knock, knock
Who's there?
The chicken!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Lionel
Lionel who?
Lionel bite you if you don't watch out!

Jokes

A little boy was in a wedding. Every time he walked 2 steps down the aisle, he would roar. When he finally got to the end of the aisle the people asked what he was doing. The little boy said that he was just being the Ring Bear.
 

Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell Crocodile? Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L. Teacher: No, that's wrong. GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
 

There were two cows standing in a field talking to each other. They were talking about Mr. Brown's cows having Mad Cow Disease, when one of the cows said, "It's a good thing we're chickens."
 

There's this man, he walks up to this lady's door. The lady answers it. The man says, "I'm terribly sorry. I just ran over your cat. I'd like to replace it." Then the woman says. "How good are you at catching mice?"
 

"Ggggggggggggggggggggggggggg," said the frog. "You've got a frog in your throat," said the other frog.
 

Bob: I lost my dog today. Bill: So put an ad in the paper. Bob: What good would that do? My dog can't read.
 

Teacher: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? Clyde: No, sir. It's the same dog.
 

A man decided to start a chicken farm and brought 24 to get started. A week later he bought another 24 and another 24 the week after that. When his friend asked how his chicken farm was coming along the man replied, "Not one of them has grown yet. I wonder if I'm planting them too deep?"
 

There were three male dogs, a Golden Retriever, a Lab, and Chihuahua, walking down the street. On their walk, they met a beautiful French Poodle. They all ran up to the poodle. The poodle says to the three dogs, "Since you all want to marry me, whoever can say liver and cheese in a complete sentence will get to marry me." The Golden Retriever says, "I love liver and cheese." The poodle replied, "How childish" The Lab says, "I hate liver and cheese." "You're hopeless," said the poodle. The Chihuahua says, "Liver alone, cheese mine."
 

When my brother told me to stop impersonating a flamingo I had to put my foot down.
 


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