Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Animal Jokes

We've got lots of funny Animal jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. Why did the snake get a detention?
A. Because he was HISSpering!

Q. Why can't you take a test in the zoo?
A. There are too many cheetahs!

Q. Where did the cow go on a holiday?
A. MOO York.

Q. What do you need if you see a kangaroo 20 miles away?
A. I don't know, but you sure don't need glasses.

Q. Why did the elephant float down the river on his back?
A. So he wouldn't get his tennis shoes wet.

Q. What are a shark's favorite games?
A. Swallow the Leader and Go Fish!

Q. If a very small fish married a young dog, what would their baby be called?
A. A guppy puppy.

Q. What do you get if you cross a bee and a bunny?
A. A honey bunny!

Q. Why was the walrus late for the party?
A. His iceberg ran into a ship!

Q. What animal sleeps with its shoes on?
A. A horse.

Q. What keys can make you laugh?
A. Monkeys!

Q. What do you call a crab that will not share?
A. A selfish. (Shellfish)

Q. What animal is NOT allowed to play in games or contests?
A. Cheetahs (cheaters)

Q. What do you call a dark colored horse that really scares you?
A. A nightMARE!

Q. Why can't a leopard hide?
A. Because he's always spotted!

Q. What kind of place should you never take a dog?
A. To the Flea Market.

Q. What do you call a donkey with 3 legs?
A. A wonkey.

Q. When does a zebra soldier get to be a sergeant?
A. When he earns his stripes.

Q. What did the porcupine say to the cactus?
A. "Are you my mommy?"

Q. How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?
A. You open the door and put the elephant in and then close the door.

Q. How do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator?
A. You open the door and take out the elephant and put the giraffe in, then close the door.

Q. The animals were having a meeting in the jungle. Who didn't come?
A. The giraffe, it was in the refrigerator.

Q. A man was hiking in the jungle. He came to a river. In the river lived alligators. How did the man cross the river?
A. He swam across, the alligators were at the meeting.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dinosaur
Dinosaur who?
Dinosaurs don't go who, they go ROAR!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Three pigs
Three pigs who?
Three pigs who can't reach the doorbell.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gorilla
Gorilla who?
Gorilla me a hamburger!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Lionel
Lionel who?
Lionel bite you if you don't watch out!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Who
Who who?
I didn't know you were an owl!

Jokes

Once there was a scientist doing a test on a frog. He told the frog to jump, so it jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "4 legs-jumps." Then the scientist cut off one of the frog's front legs and said, "Jump." The frog jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "3 legs-jumps." Then the scientist cut off the frog's other front leg and said, "Jump," and the frog jumped. The scientist wrote in his notes, "2 legs-jumps." Then the scientist cut off one of the frog's back legs and said, "Jump," and the frog jumped. So the scientist wrote in his notes, "1 leg jump." Then the scientist cut off the last leg and said, "Jump," and the frog didn't move. So the scientist said it again, but it still didn't move, so in his notes the scientist wrote, "No legs-goes deaf."
 

One day a big tortoise, a middle sized tortoise and a small tortoise went into a cafe. They ordered three banana splits. While they were waiting they noticed it had begun to rain. "Look at that," said the big tortoise, "we should have brought our umbrella." "You're right," said the middle tortoise. "Let's send the little one back to get it." "I'll go," said the little one. "But only if you promise not to eat my banana split." The big tortoise and the middle tortoise promised. A few days later the big tortoise said to the middle tortoise, "Come on, let's eat his banana spilt any way." "All right," said the middle tortoise. At that moment the little tortoise shouted from the end of the cafe, "You do that and I won't get your umbrella!"
 

Tongue Twister: A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk but the stump thunk the skunk stunk!
 

There were two cows standing in a field talking to each other. They were talking about Mr. Brown's cows having Mad Cow Disease, when one of the cows said, "It's a good thing we're chickens."
 

There were 3 cats, The first cat said, "Meow." Second cat said, "Meow." Third cat said, "Meow, meow." The first cat said, "Don't change the subject."
 

Teacher: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? Clyde: No, sir. It's the same dog.
 

There was a man who bought a camel. The previous owner told him that to make it walk, say "few," to make it run, say "many" and to make it stop say "amen". So one day the man decided to have a practise ride. He said "few" and the camel started walking, he said "many" and it started running, right towards the edge of a cliff. But the man forgot how to make it stop, so, panicking, he shouted out "Lord save me, Lord save me, Amen" and of course the camel stopped - at the VERY edge. Relieved the man said to himself, "Phew, that was clo-aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
 

An elephant asked an ant, "Please hide me." So the ant replied, "Hide behind me."
 

One day a duck waddles into a mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no and the duck waddles out. The next day the duck waddles into the mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no and the duck waddles out. The next day the duck does the same and once again the clerk says no and adds if you ask me one more time I will nail your webbed feet to the floor. So the duck waddles out. The next day the duck waddles into the mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any nails?" The clerk says no. "Then got any grapes?"
 

Lisa: I lost my pet dinosaur. Danny: Why don't you put an ad in the newspaper? Lisa: What good would that do, she can't read!
 


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