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Animal Jokes

We've got lots of funny Animal jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. Why did the horse cross the road?
A. To get to the other NEIGH-bourhood.

Q. Why doesn't the elephant use the computer?
A. Because it is afraid of the mouse!

Q. Why do fish live in salt water?
A. Because pepper water would make them sneeze!

Q. What are the strongest animals in the ocean?
A. Mussels!

Q. Where do baby apes sleep?
A. In APEricots!

Q. What do you get when you cross a clam and a rabbit?
A. The oyster bunny!

Q. What did the joey say to the turtle?
A. "I can take my home with me too."

Q. Why do elephants have trunks?
A. Because they would look funny with a suitcase.

Q. Why did the dalmation go to the eye doctor?
A. Because he kept seeing spots.

Q. Why didn't the bunny hop?
A. No bunny knows.

Q. What do you call a dog who wins a race?
A. A weiner.

Q. What do you call a bunny with fleas?
A. Bugs Bunny.

Q. What did the pig put on his rash?
A. OINKment!

Q. What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
A. Time to get a new fence.

Q. What is big, grey and has a lot of red bumps?
A. An elephant that was stung by a lot of bees!

Q. What is the best way to catch a squirrel?
A. Act like a nut.

Q. What did the elephant say to her son when he was naughty?
A. "Tusk tusk!"

Q. What do you call a smart pig?
A. CunningHAM!

Q. Why did the frog cross the road?
A. Because he wanted to show his girlfriend he had guts.

Q. Why did the monkey cross the road?
A. Because the chicken retired.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Who
Who who?
I didn't know you were an owl!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Monkey
Monkey who?
Monkey see. Monkey do.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gorilla
Gorilla who?
Gorilla me a hamburger!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Three pigs
Three pigs who?
Three pigs who can't reach the doorbell.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrup...
Moooooooo!

Jokes

Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said, "Oh, come on, let's eat the sandwiches." Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!"
 

One day, Ah Meng asked Siew Lee, "Why do lions eat raw meat?" Siew Lee said, "Because they are wild animals?" Ah Meng said, "Wrong! They eat raw meat because they can't cook!"
 

Tongue Twister: A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk but the stump thunk the skunk stunk!
 

Down in the south where coconuts grow, an elephant stepped on a mosquito's toe. The mosquito jumped up with tears in his eyes and said, "Excuse me but you're not my size."
 

A cat died in a house. The servant started crying badly. Master: It is only a cat that has died, why are you crying so much? Servant: Master, when the cat was there I used to drink the milk and put the blame on it. Now on whom will I put the blame?
 

There were three pigs and they walked into a restaurant. The waiter said, "What do you want to eat?" The first pig ordered fish and chips the second ordered pizza and the third ordered water. The waiter came again and said, "What do you want for dessert?" The first pig wanted custard, the second some cake and the third wanted water again. The waiter said, "Why do you always have water?" The pig replied, "Because one of us has to go wee, wee, wee all the way home!"
 

One day a duck waddles into a mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no and the duck waddles out. The next day the duck waddles into the mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no and the duck waddles out. The next day the duck does the same and once again the clerk says no and adds if you ask me one more time I will nail your webbed feet to the floor. So the duck waddles out. The next day the duck waddles into the mini market and asks the clerk, "Got any nails?" The clerk says no. "Then got any grapes?"
 

Three pigs walked into a restaurant and the waiter asked them what they would like to drink. The first pig wanted Coke, the second Sprite and the third wanted water, lots and lots of water. The waiter came back to ask for the main course and the first pig wanted salad, the second wanted chicken and the third pig wanted water, lots and lots of water. The waiter came back and asked for their dessert choices. The first pig wanted cake, the second wanted cupcakes and the third pig wanted water, lots and lots of water. The waiter was curious and asked the third pig, "Why do you want so much water?" The third little pig smiled and said, "I'm the little pig that goes, wee, wee, wee all the way home"
 

There was a man who bought a camel. The previous owner told him that to make it walk, say "few," to make it run, say "many" and to make it stop say "amen". So one day the man decided to have a practise ride. He said "few" and the camel started walking, he said "many" and it started running, right towards the edge of a cliff. But the man forgot how to make it stop, so, panicking, he shouted out "Lord save me, Lord save me, Amen" and of course the camel stopped - at the VERY edge. Relieved the man said to himself, "Phew, that was clo-aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
 

One day a lady entered a pet shop. Lady: May I have a rabbit for my daughter? Storekeeper: Sorry Ma'am, we don't do trades.
 


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