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Animal Jokes

We've got lots of funny Animal jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A. An investiGATOR!

Q. What are the strongest animals in the ocean?
A. Mussels!

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher with a tiger?
A. I don't know but you better behave in its class!

Q. Where won't you find a dog shopping?
A. At the flea market!

Q. If a very small fish married a young dog, what would their baby be called?
A. A guppy puppy.

Q. What do you call a deer that makes money?
A. A buck!

Q. Why was the dog sitting next to the fire?
A. He was a hotdog!

Q. A skunk, a frog and a duck wanted to go to the movies. The movies cost a dollar, which animal got to go?
A. The frog because it was the only one with a greenback.

Q. What do you get if you cross a cow with a smurf?
A. Blue cheese!

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To show the possums how it's done.

Q. What's a cow's favourite drink?
A. LeMOOnade.

Q. Why do fish live in salt water?
A. Because pepper water would make them sneeze!

Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A. No idea. (No eye deer)

Q. Why did the monkey cross the road?
A. Because the chicken retired.

Q. Why did the cow do jumping jacks?
A. Because he wanted a milkshake!

Q. What are a shark's favorite games?
A. Swallow the Leader and Go Fish!

Q. What do you get when you mix a bear and a skunk?
A. Winnie-The-Phew!

Q. What's black, white, black, white, black and white?
A. A penguin rolling down a hill.

Q. What do you get when you cross a pig with a dinosaur?
A. Jurassic Pork.

Q. Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A. Yes, because the Empire State Building can't jump!

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Twit
Twit who?
Did anyone else hear an owl?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrup...
Moooooooo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cobra
Cobra who?
Go brush your teeth!!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Amos
Amos who?
Amos quito just bit me, boo hoo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Monkey
Monkey who?
Monkey see. Monkey do.

Jokes

An elephant asked an ant, "Please hide me." So the ant replied, "Hide behind me."
 

There's this man, he walks up to this lady's door. The lady answers it. The man says, "I'm terribly sorry. I just ran over your cat. I'd like to replace it." Then the woman says. "How good are you at catching mice?"
 

Teacher: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? Clyde: No, sir. It's the same dog.
 

If pigs could fly, imagine what their wings would taste like!
 

Two turtles were walking across the road, when suddenly a bright red car came racing around the corner and straight for them, one said to the other, "RUN!"
 

There were three pigs and they walked into a restaurant. The waiter said, "What do you want to eat?" The first pig ordered fish and chips the second ordered pizza and the third ordered water. The waiter came again and said, "What do you want for dessert?" The first pig wanted custard, the second some cake and the third wanted water again. The waiter said, "Why do you always have water?" The pig replied, "Because one of us has to go wee, wee, wee all the way home!"
 

A man walked into a pub and bought a sandwich, then a panda walked into the pub and stole the sandwich, ate it, shoots the barman and leaves. So the man goes out and says to the panda, "Why did you eat my sandwich, shoot the barman and then just leave?" The panda says, "Look panda up in the dictionary." So he looked Panda up and read: Eats shoots and leaves.
 

There were two sisters and they had $700 to spend on a bull. So one sister stayed home and looked after the farm while the other went to the auction. The sister brought the bull for $699 so she went to the post office and asked how much it was to send a telegram. It was $1 a word. So she told the man to send the word: Comfortable. (Come-for-the-bull.)
 

LaKesheauna: My dentist put his finger in a lion's mouth to see how many teeth it had. Latangela: What did the lion do? LaKesheauna: It closed its mouth to see how many fingers my dentist had.
 

A man decided to start a chicken farm and brought 24 to get started. A week later he bought another 24 and another 24 the week after that. When his friend asked how his chicken farm was coming along the man replied, "Not one of them has grown yet. I wonder if I'm planting them too deep?"
 


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