Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Animal Jokes

We've got lots of funny Animal jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. How do you make a cow float?
A. Root beer, ice cream, a cherry, and a cow.

Q. What do you get when you cross a moose and a ghost?
A. A cariboo!

Q. What has four legs, a tail, whiskers and cuts grass?
A. A lawn MEOW-er!

Q. What kind of dog can jump higher than a skyscraper?
A. Any dog, skyscrapers can't jump.

Q. What's new at the zoo?
A. A gnu!

Q. What is a cow's favorite ice cream?
A. MOOnila!

Q. What kind of place should you never take a dog?
A. To the Flea Market.

Q. What do you get if you cross a dino and a dog?
A. A dog a sore!

Q. If the chicken crossed the road to get to the other side, how did the frog cross the road?
A. He tied himself to the chicken.

Q. What does a cow grow on its face?
A. A MOOstache.

Q. What do you get with a kangoroo and a snake?
A. A jump rope.

Q. Which animal is the oldest in the world?
A. The zebra because it's still black and white.

Q. When does a zebra soldier get to be a sergeant?
A. When he earns his stripes.

Q. What dog keeps the best time?
A. A watch-dog.

Q. Why do birds fly south in the winter?
A. Because it's too far to walk!

Q. Why is the ocean always grumpy?
A. You'd be grumpy too if you had crabs on your bottom!

Q. What kind of vehicle does a lamb drive?
A. A LAMBorghini!

Q. What is a cow's favourite drink?
A. MOO Juice.

Q. You are trapped in a room and there are 3 doors. Each door has something behind it. The first door has two hungry lions that have not eaten in four years. The second door has electric lasers all across the room. The third has three ninjas ready to attack. Which door would you pick to go through?
A. The first because the lions would be dead if they have not eaten for 4 years!

Q. What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
A. Bacon and legs!

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Some bunny
Some bunny who?
Some bunny has been eating my carrots!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don't know
To get to your house.
---
Knock, knock
Who's there?
The chicken!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cows go
Cows go who?
No, cows go moo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Monkey
Monkey who?
Monkey see. Monkey do.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gorilla
Gorilla who?
Gorilla me a hamburger!

Jokes

There was a man and he was walking a lion on the side of the street when a policeman came and said, "Sir please don't walk your lion on the side of the street because its very dangerous. Why don't you take him to the zoo?!" The man agreed with him and took his lion to the zoo. The next day the policeman saw the man walking his lion again and told him the same thing but the man said, "I already took him to the zoo and he liked it a lot, now I'm going to take him to the movies."
 

One day, Ah Meng asked Siew Lee, "Why do lions eat raw meat?" Siew Lee said, "Because they are wild animals?" Ah Meng said, "Wrong! They eat raw meat because they can't cook!"
 

There was a man who bought a camel. The previous owner told him that to make it walk, say "few," to make it run, say "many" and to make it stop say "amen". So one day the man decided to have a practise ride. He said "few" and the camel started walking, he said "many" and it started running, right towards the edge of a cliff. But the man forgot how to make it stop, so, panicking, he shouted out "Lord save me, Lord save me, Amen" and of course the camel stopped - at the VERY edge. Relieved the man said to himself, "Phew, that was clo-aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
 

There's this man, he walks up to this lady's door. The lady answers it. The man says, "I'm terribly sorry. I just ran over your cat. I'd like to replace it." Then the woman says. "How good are you at catching mice?"
 

Peter: Mother, why is a snail stronger than an elephant? Mother: I don't know. Peter: Because a snail can carry its own home, but an elephant can only carry its own trunk.
 

A horse walked into the bar and the bartender said, "Why the long face?"
 

A guy named Billie Bob Joe goes to a costume dress party with a girl on his back. Harold, answering the door: What are you supposed to be? Billie Bob Joe: A turtle. Harold: What do you mean? Billie Bob Joe: The girl on my back is Michelle.
 

"Ggggggggggggggggggggggggggg," said the frog. "You've got a frog in your throat," said the other frog.
 

Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said, "Oh, come on, let's eat the sandwiches." Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!"
 

Lisa: I lost my pet dinosaur. Danny: Why don't you put an ad in the newspaper? Lisa: What good would that do, she can't read!
 


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