Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Animal Jokes

We've got lots of funny Animal jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. Why doesn't the elephant use the computer?
A. Because it is afraid of the mouse!

Q. What do you call a smart pig?
A. CunningHAM!

Q. What does a panda ghost eat?
A. Bam-BOO!

Q. What dog keeps the best time?
A. A watch-dog.

Q. Why did the frog cross the road?
A. Because he wanted to show his girlfriend he had guts.

Q. Why was the horse unable to get into the antelopes' music club?
A. He had no horns!

Q. What road does a bat take?
A. The high road!

Q. What's brown and blue and swings through the jungle?
A. A monkey wearing a denim jacket!

Q. Why did the snake get a detention?
A. Because he was HISSpering!

Q. What sort of appliance does a monkey use?
A. A gorilla. (A griller)

Q. How did the sheep get red cheeks?
A. It was MAAHD!

Q. What's the difference between a dog and a flea?
A. A dog can have fleas, but a flea can't have dogs.

Q. What does a triceratops sit on?
A. It's tricera-bottom!

Q. What animal sleeps with its shoes on?
A. A horse.

Q. What has 6 eyes but cannot see?
A. Three blind mice.

Q. How do you make a cow float?
A. Root beer, ice cream, a cherry, and a cow.

Q. What do you get if you cross a cow and a camel?
A. A lumpy milkshake!

Q. How do you stop an alligator wriggling in the back of your car?
A. Move it to the front!

Q. What do you get when you cross a chicken and a centipede?
A. Drumsticks for everyone!

Q. How do rabbits travel?
A. By hare planes!

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Three pigs
Three pigs who?
Three pigs who can't reach the doorbell.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cobra
Cobra who?
Go brush your teeth!!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Amos
Amos who?
Amos quito just bit me, boo hoo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Twit
Twit who?
Did anyone else hear an owl?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gorilla
Gorilla who?
Gorilla me a hamburger!

Jokes

A newspaper reporter submitted a story about the theft of 2,025 pigs. His editor, struck at the size of the theft, called the farmer to confirm. "Is it true that you lost two thousand twenty-five pigs?" he asked. "Yeth," said the farmer. The editor thanked him, hung up, and changed the phrase to "two sows and 25 pigs."
 

A guy and his elephant are driving and get pulled over. The policeman says, "You need to take the elephant to the zoo." So the guy took his elephant to the zoo. The next day, the same policeman pulls over the same guy and elephant. The policeman says, "I told you to take the elephant to the zoo." The guy says, "I did yesterday, today we are going to a baseball game."
 

Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell Crocodile? Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L. Teacher: No, that's wrong. GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
 

There were two sisters and they had $700 to spend on a bull. So one sister stayed home and looked after the farm while the other went to the auction. The sister brought the bull for $699 so she went to the post office and asked how much it was to send a telegram. It was $1 a word. So she told the man to send the word: Comfortable. (Come-for-the-bull.)
 

A little boy was in a wedding. Every time he walked 2 steps down the aisle, he would roar. When he finally got to the end of the aisle the people asked what he was doing. The little boy said that he was just being the Ring Bear.
 

Peter: Mother, why is a snail stronger than an elephant? Mother: I don't know. Peter: Because a snail can carry its own home, but an elephant can only carry its own trunk.
 

There were three pigs and they walked into a restaurant. The waiter said, "What do you want to eat?" The first pig ordered fish and chips the second ordered pizza and the third ordered water. The waiter came again and said, "What do you want for dessert?" The first pig wanted custard, the second some cake and the third wanted water again. The waiter said, "Why do you always have water?" The pig replied, "Because one of us has to go wee, wee, wee all the way home!"
 

There were 2 cats looking into a green canary's cage. The first cat said to the second cat, "That's not a canary, it's green!" The second cat said, "I don't know, maybe it's not ripe yet!"
 

If pigs could fly, imagine what their wings would taste like!
 

A woman walks into a bar and sits down next to a guy near a dog. The woman asks, "Does your dog bite?" The guy replied,"No." The woman reached down to pet the dog and it bit her. "I thought you said he didn't bite," she yelled. "That's not my dog," he yelled!
 


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