Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Jokes

We've got lots of funny jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What's a monkey's favorite snack?
A. Chocolate chimp cookies.

Q. Why couldn't the eight year old get into the pirate movie?
A. Because it was rated ARRRR!

Q. Have you heard the joke about the pizza?
A. Never mind, it's too cheesy!

Q. What do you call Santa when he goes down a chimney with a fire at the bottom?
A. Krisp Cringle.

Q. When do vampires like horse racing?
A. When it's neck and neck!

Q. Where do ghosts buy their food?
A. At the GHOSTery Store.

Q. How does a chicken tell time?
A. One o'cluck, two o'cluck, three o'cluck...

Q. Where do ghosts get their mail?
A. At the ghost office.

Q. What goes up and down but never moves?
A. The stairs!

Q. Why were the kids afraid of Christmas?
A. Because of Santa Claws!

Q. What kind of chickens lay golden eggs?
A. Golden Chicks!

Q. What is always blue (sad) but always smiles?
A. A smurf.

Q. Where does a cow go when he's bored?
A. To the MOOvies.

Q. What do you call an elephant at the North Pole?
A. Lost.

Q. What is a hotdog's favorite phrase?
A. Happy HalloWEINIE!

Q. What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet!

Q. Why couldn't the girl dial 911?
A. She couldn't find the 11.

Q. What four letters frighten a thief?
A. O I C U!

Q. Three ladies are under a small umbrella. None of them got wet. How did they do it?
A. It wasn't raining!

Q. I am found on land and in the sea but I don't walk or swim. I travel by foot but I'm toeless. No matter where I go I'm never far from home. Who am I?
A. A snail.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
How
How who?
How will we get away from that mean dog?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Monkey
Monkey who?
Monkey see. Monkey do.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Figs.
Figs. who?
Figs the doorbell, it's broken!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary
Mary who?
Marry me?

Jokes

Patron: Waiter, what's this Praying Mantis doing in my soup? Waiter: Saying grace.
 

There were 3 cats, The first cat said, "Meow." Second cat said, "Meow." Third cat said, "Meow, meow." The first cat said, "Don't change the subject."
 

Down in the south where coconuts grow, an elephant stepped on a mosquito's toe. The mosquito jumped up with tears in his eyes and said, "Excuse me but you're not my size."
 

The insects were playing against a team of flies. The flies were winning 30 to 0. At the third quarter the insects put a millepede in the game, he scored a total of 50 points. At the end of the game the coach of the flies asked the coach of the insects, "Why didn't you put the millepede in the first quarter?" "Because it takes him forever to put his shoes on!"
 

Milkman: Are you sure you want 50 quarts of milk? Woman: Yes, my doctor told me to take a bath of milk. Milkman: Would you like it pasteurized? Woman: No, just up to my neck please.
 

Freddy: I lost my pet dinosaur . Alison: Why don't you put an ad in the newspaper? Freddy: What good would that do, he can't read!
 

There were three construction workers. The first man always had ham and cheese, the second had salami and swiss, and the third a hot dog. They all said, "If I get that for lunch again, I will jump off the Empire State Building!!" The next day, the first guy got ham and cheese for lunch. So he jumped off the Empire State Building. His wife said, "I should have packed him something different!!" The guy who had salami and swiss also jumped off the Empire State Building. His wife said, "I should have packed something different for my husband!!" The third guy got a hot dog again, so he jumped off the Empire State Building. His wife said, "Why did he do that? He packs his own lunch!!"
 

A man decided to start a chicken farm and brought 24 to get started. A week later he bought another 24 and another 24 the week after that. When his friend asked how his chicken farm was coming along the man replied, "Not one of them has grown yet. I wonder if I'm planting them too deep?"
 

Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell Crocodile? Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L. Teacher: No, that's wrong. GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
 

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
 


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