Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Jokes

We've got lots of funny jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. Why can't Dracula play baseball?
A. He lost his bat.

Q. Why did the crab cross the road?
A. To get to the other the tide.

Q. What does an eagle use to write with?
A. A bald point pen!

Q. What dog can jump higher than a building?
A. Any dog because buildings can't jump.

Q. What cheese is not yours?
A. Nacho Cheese.

Q. What fish will a greedy fisher catch?
A. Selfish!

Q. What's bigger when it's upside down?
A. A 6!

Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.

Q. Where did the pencil go for vacation?
A. To Pennsylvania.

Q. Why didn't the ghost go boo?
A. Because it had no guts.

Q. What do you get when you cross a mummy with a vampire bat?
A. A flying Band-Aid.

Q. Why did the goose cross the road?
A. He didn't want to be called a chicken!

Q. What letter is a part of the head?
A. I.

Q. Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
A. Because they put on the salsa.

Q. Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day?
A. Yes, they're very scent-imental!

Q. What type of queue do dolls like best?
A. A BBQ.

Q. What do bunnies do when they get married?
A. Go on a bunnymoon!

Q. If chickens get up when the rooster crows, when do ducks get up?
A. At the quack of dawn!

Q. How do you stop an alligator wriggling in the back of your car?
A. Move it to the front!

Q. What letter is a drink?
A. T.

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Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Banana
Banana who?
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Banana
Banana who?
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Double
Double who?
W!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
You know
You know who?
Actually, I prefer to be called Voldy. It sounds much cooler! Don't you think?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Brittney Spears.
Brittney Spears who?
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Oops! I did it again!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Pooch
Pooch who?
Pooch your arms around me baby!

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Jokes

Teacher: Fred, the story you handed in called "Our Dog," is exactly like your brother's. Fred: Of course. It's the same dog.
 

Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire. Doctor: Drink this glass of water. Patient: Will it make me better? Doctor: No, but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.
 

Customer: There is a fly in my soup. Waitress: Don't worry the spider in your bread will get it.
 

One day three women walked into a bar. The bartender said that if they looked into the mirror and told the truth they would get $10,000.00. But if they told a lie, they would disappear forever. The first girl went up and said, "I think I'm the prettiest one in the bar." She got $10,000.00. The next girl went up and said, "I think I'm the smartest one in the bar." She got $10,000.00 too. The last girl went up and said, "I think..." and POOF, she was gone.
 

A man once said he bet I couldn't name a landmark in Egypt. I replied, "You Sphinx?"
 

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up. "Wow," said her father, "that was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?" "Wrong number," replied the girl.
 

Once there was a little boy who lived in the country. They had to use an outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it was hot in the summer, and cold in the winter and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the creek. One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. So he got a large stick and started pushing. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away. That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper. Knowing that meant a spanking, that little boy asked, "Why?" The dad replied, "Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn't it son?" The boy answered, "Yes." Then he thought a moment and said, "Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth!" The dad replied, "Well son, George Washington's father wasn't in that cherry tree."
 

A neutron walks into a bar, buys a drink then asks how much for his drink. The bartender says, "For you, no charge."
 

Boy: Daddy, I have a little pain in my stomach. Dad: Because your stomach is empty. Go eat some food. Boy: Really? Is that why mommy is always complaining about her headache? Is her head empty?
 

Patient: Doctor! Doctor! I think I am losing my memory! Doctor: When did that happen? Patient: When did what happen!
 


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