We've got lots of funny jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D
Q. Think of the person who lives in disguise, who deals in secrets and tells nothing but lies.
Next tell me what's always last to mend the middle of middle and end of the end.
And finally give me the sound often heard during the search for a hard to find word.
Now string them all together and answer me this:
What creature would you be unwilling to kiss?
A. A spider.
Q. Why did the banana go to the doctor's office?
A. Because he wasn't peeling well!
Q. Why did the baker stop making doughnuts?
A. He was annoyed with the HOLE business.
Q. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs at the front door?
Q. Which bet can't be won?
Q. What sort of appliance does a monkey use?
A. A gorilla. (A griller)
Q. Why did the skeleton flunk out?
A. His heart was not in it!
Q. How do you make a goldfish age?
A. Take away the g in goldfish.
Q. Why did the boy bury his flashlight?
A. Because the batteries were dead.
Q. There is a black house, grey house, red house, yellow house, green house and brown house. What colour house does President Obama live in?
A. The White House!
Q. Why should you never shower with a pokemon?
A. Because they Pikachu (peek at you).
Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!
Q. What does a triceratops sit on?
A. It's tricera-bottom!
Q. What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall?
Q. How did the dog get splinters in his tongue?
A. He ate table scraps.
Q. What can't you eat at dinner?
A. Breakfast and lunch!
Q. What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
A. Any old girl he can dig up.
Q. How do you catch a rabbit?
A. Make a noise like a carrot.
Q. What becomes smaller when you turn it upside down?
A. The number nine.
Q. What gate can't you enter?
I didn't know you were a cowboy!
Shh yourself. I'm trying to watch a movie!
Pooch your arms around me, honey!
What are you so excited about?
Three girls have a car crash and they all die. When they get up to the gates of heaven Saint Peter says, "Inside heaven there are lots of ducks, if you stand on one you will be given a terrible punishment!" The first girl steps on a duck and gets tied to a really ugly man, then the second girl steps on a duck and she gets tied to a really ugly man. The third girl doesn't step on a duck, so she walks along and a really handsome man gets tied to her and she said, "WOW, what have I done to deserve this?" The really handsome man said, "I don't know, but I stepped on a duck!"
Kermit the Frog walks into a loan place and goes up to a lady working there. He notices her name tag says Patti Wak. Kermit asks if he can take out a loan and she says, "I am going to have to see an IOU." Kermit takes out a piggy bank from his pocket and says here it is. Patti Wak asks what it is and he tells her it's his IOU. Young man I am going to have to call your parents, "What's their number?" "555-8937." "Hello who is this?" "This is Mick Jagger." Patti Wak talks to Mick Jagger then talks to her manager. The manager says, "Nik Nak Patti Wak give this frog a loan his old man is a Rolling Stone."
One day a big tortoise, a middle sized tortoise and a small tortoise went into a cafe. They ordered three banana splits. While they were waiting they noticed it had begun to rain. "Look at that," said the big tortoise, "we should have brought our umbrella." "You're right," said the middle tortoise. "Let's send the little one back to get it." "I'll go," said the little one. "But only if you promise not to eat my banana split." The big tortoise and the middle tortoise promised. A few days later the big tortoise said to the middle tortoise, "Come on, let's eat his banana spilt any way." "All right," said the middle tortoise. At that moment the little tortoise shouted from the end of the cafe, "You do that and I won't get your umbrella!"
A man walked into a bar. Ouch!
A boy came home from school. "How much did you learn in school today?" His mother asked. "Not enough, I have to go back again tomorrow."
Kid: I bet I can make you say Black. What's the color of the sky? Kid's friend: Blue Kid: Told you I could make you say blue. Kid's friend: What? You said black. Kid: Told you I could make you say black.
Patient: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation? Doctor: Yes, of course. Patient: Great! I never could before!
There were two sisters and they had $700 to spend on a bull. So one sister stayed home and looked after the farm while the other went to the auction. The sister brought the bull for $699 so she went to the post office and asked how much it was to send a telegram. It was $1 a word. So she told the man to send the word: Comfortable. (Come-for-the-bull.)
Patient: Oh Dr. Nerdy! Everyone seems to ignore me! It's like I'm invisi- Dr. Nerdy: Next, please!
There was a man carrying a lobster. His friend said, "What are you doing with that lobster under your arm?" The man replied, "I am taking him to dinner." The lobster spoke out, "I already had dinner, can we go to the movies instead?"
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