Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Jokes

We've got lots of funny jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A. A milkshake!

Q. Why did the bank robber take a bath?
A. So he could make a clean getaway.

Q. Why did the banana wear sunscreen?
A. He didn't want to peel!

Q. What do a duck and a tricycle have in common?
A. They both have a steering wheel, except for the duck.

Q. Where do snowmen go to dance?
A. The snowball.

Q. How do you make a skeleton laugh?
A. Tickle its funnybone!

Q. What do goblins and ghosts drink when they're hot and thirsty on Halloween?
A. Ghoul-aid!

Q. Who does Frankenstein invite to his party?
A. Anyone he can gobble up!

Q. What's white and goes up?
A. A confused snowflake!

Q. Why did the monkey cross the road?
A. Because the chicken retired.

Q. What would we do if we found bad plants spoiling our lawn?
A. We'd weed.

Q. A duck, a cat and a cow went out to dinner, who had to pay?
A. The duck. He was the only one with a bill.

Q. If H20 is inside of the fire hydrant, what's on the outside?
A. K9P.

Q. What do you call a man in a bush?
A. Russell.

Q. Why was the math book unhappy?
A. Because he had too many problems!

Q. Where is the zombie's favorite room in the house?
A. The living room.

Q. Ike went through the town casuing havoc and he was on the news and in the newspaper. What is Ike?
A. A hurricane!

Q. What do you call a cat that eats lemons?
A. A sourpuss.

Q. What has 6 eyes but cannot see?
A. Three blind mice.

Q. Hit me hard and I will crack but you'll never stop me from staring back. What am I?
A. A mirror!

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Alaska
Alaska who?
Alaska another question now...
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ohio
Ohio who?
Oh, how are you doing?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Bo
Bo who?
That's bogus!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dwain
Dwain who?
Dwain the bathtub, I'm drowning.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
G.I.
G.I. who?
G.I. don't know?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Banana
Banana who?
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Banana
Banana who?
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana!

Jokes

Doctor: I have good news and bad news. Patient: What's the good news? Doctor: You have a week to live. Patient: What's the bad news? Doctor: I forgot to tell you six days ago.
 

Teacher: How many seconds in a minute? Student: 60 Teacher: How many minutes in an hour? Student: 60 Teacher: Good, now for a hard one, how many seconds in a year? Student: 12 Teacher: 12? Student: Yes, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd...
 

Guy 1: What's a pirate's favorite letter? Guy 2: R! (Argh!) Guy 1: You may think it's the R but it's actually the C! (sea)
 

Patient: Doctor, Doctor. I keep seeing in to the future. Doctor: When did this start? Patient: Next Tuesday.
 

Teacher: If you had five apples on your desk and the boy next to you took two, what would you get? Billy: A fight!
 

One bright day in the middle of the night Two dead boys got up to fight. Back to back they faced each other. Drew there swords and shot each other. The deaf police man heard the noise Came and shot the two dead boys. If you don' believe this lie is true ask the blind man he saw it too.
 

Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat anywhere they want.
 

Why is it called "rush hour" when nobody moves?
 

If Barbie's so popular then why do you have to buy her a boyfriend?
 

Teacher: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say "I am beautiful," which tense is it? Student: Obviously it is the past tense.
 


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