Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Jokes

We've got lots of funny jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What goes up but does not go down?
A. Your age!

Q. What can fill up the the room but takes no space?
A. Light.

Q. What 2 animals have the same last name?
A. The donKEY and the monKEY.

Q. What do you get if you cross a cow with a smurf?
A. Blue cheese!

Q. What has ears but can't hear?
A. A corn field!

Q. What do you call a polar bear in the desert?
A. Lost.

Q. What sort of appliance does a monkey use?
A. A gorilla. (A griller)

Q. What do you call a person with a tree for a briefcase?
A. A branch manager.

Q. What call for help, when written in capital letters, is the same forwards, backwards and upside down?
A. SOS.

Q. What did the bread say to the man?
A. Nothing, bread can't talk.

Q. What are a shark's favorite games?
A. Swallow the Leader and Go Fish!

Q. What do you call candy corn?
A. Pumpkin poop!

Q. What is a balloon's least favorite kind of music?
A. Pop!

Q. What is yellow on the outside and gray on the inside?
A. An elephant that's dressed up in a banana skin.

Q. What do women put on their faces in the winter?
A. Cold cream!

Q. Where do oak trees come from?
A. OAKlahoma.

Q. Why did the bread cross the road?
A. To BUTTER the other side!

Q. What do you get when you put a radio in a fridge?
A. Cool music!

Q. What did the computer say to the cookie?
A. "Can I have your chocolate chip?"

Q. Why didn't the wig get any presents on Christmas?
A. Because it was very knotty.

Advertisement

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad there is no school on Saturday?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Shelby
Shelby who?
She'll be coming around the mountain!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Kanga
Kanga who?
No, Kangaroo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
A little boy
A little boy who?
A little boy who can't reach the doorbell.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
For
For who?
For the hundredth time it's me Tom. Now open the door!

Advertisement

Jokes

Said to a railroad engineer: What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late. The reply from the railroad engineer: How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule?
 

A guy wanted a job on a 200 meter high tower, ringing a bell. So he goes up to a guy and asks how to do the bell ringing job. He's told, "Swing on the bell to ring it." So he does but a little too hard and he falls off the tower. His employer goes running down the stairs and the police are already there. The police ask if the man knows the guy and he says, "No, but his face rings a bell."
 

One day a lady got sick of all the insulting jokes about women so she decided to prove to her husband that she wasn't stupid. She decided to paint a couple of rooms while he was at work. As soon as her husband left she sprung into action and started painting the rooms. When her husband came back he smelt the smell of paint and he saw his wife on the floor in a pool of sweat. She was wearing a coat and a jacket. Her husband asked her if she was okay. She said yes and that she was smart. He asked why's that. I followed the rules on the can and I painted the rooms. She said, "THE CAN SAID FOR BEST RESULTS PUT ON TWO COATS."
 

Teacher: Give me a sentence with the word "fascinate" in it. Student: If I had a sweater with ten buttons and two fell off, then I would only have to fascinate (fasten eight)!
 

Boy: Dad, Dad the canary flew out of its cage while I was cleaning the cage. Dad: What did you clean it with? Boy: A vacuum cleaner.
 

A boy came home from school. "How much did you learn in school today?" His mother asked. "Not enough, I have to go back again tomorrow."
 

A man once said he bet I couldn't name a landmark in Egypt. I replied, "You Sphinx?"
 

A girl once got lost near a river. She traveled up and down it searching for a way to get to the other side. She tried walking in the shallow part of the river and she even tried grabbing onto a branch that stretched half way across the river to try to swing to the other side. No matter how hard she tried she couldn't get across. After many failed attempts, she finally felt like giving up. Yet, at the last moment, she saw a person walking by and decided to follow her across the bridge.
 

Dan: What do you get if you cross a pro baseball player with some cake ingrediants? Sam: What? Dan: A batter.
 

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
 


To see more jokes, click the Refresh button, below.

 We also have jokes about…
Advertisement