Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Jokes

We've got lots of funny jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. Which of Santa's reindeer has bad manners?
A. Rude-olph!

Q. Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A. Because they are always a little short!

Q. Why is the ice rink so cold?
A. There are a lot of fans there.

Q. What can fill up the the room but takes no space?
A. Light.

Q. What did the ground say to the earthquake?
A. "You crack me up!"

Q. Why are skeletons afraid of dogs?
A. Because dogs love bones!

Q. Why was the elephant afraid of the computer store?
A. Because they sold the world's best mice.

Q. What is big, brown, black, hairy, has 5 eyes, sharp teeth and big claws, and eats human flesh?
A. I don't know either, but if you see one, you better run!

Q. What pants do ghosts wear?
A. BOO jeans.

Q. What is a table you can eat?
A. A vegetable.

Q. Do sharks like to act in movies?
A. Only if they get the big, juicy parts.

Q. What is a snake's favourite subject?
A. HISStory!

Q. What do you call a giant carnivore dinosaur that gets into a lot of car accidents?
A. A Tyrannosaurus WRECKS!

Q. Why couldn't the elephant move?
A. Because he couldn't lift his trunk!

Q. What do you call a woodpecker with no beak?
A. A head banger.

Q. What's the best thing to give your parents for Christmas?
A. A list of everything you want!

Q. Why did the horse cross the road?
A. To get to the other NEIGH-bourhood.

Q. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
A. Because her students were bright!

Q. What tree do fingers grow off of?
A. A palm tree!

Q. I have 7 children half of them are boys, what is the other half?
A. They were all boys.

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Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Yodel-hee-
Yodel-hee- who?
I didn't know you could yodel!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dash
Dash who?
Daschund!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you gonna let me in?!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Who
Who who?
AAAHHH. A talking owl!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Doctor
Doctor who?
You know my name!

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Jokes

Teacher: How do you spell Mississippi? George: The state or the river?
 

Teacher: Maria, go to the map and find North America. Maria: Here it is. Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered America? Class: Maria.
 

The teacher to a student: Conjugate the verb "to walk" in simple present. The student: I walk. You walk, .. The teacher interrupts him: Quicker please. The student: I run. You run.
 

A man walked into a pub and bought a sandwich, then a panda walked into the pub and stole the sandwich, ate it, shoots the barman and leaves. So the man goes out and says to the panda, "Why did you eat my sandwich, shoot the barman and then just leave?" The panda says, "Look panda up in the dictionary." So he looked Panda up and read: Eats shoots and leaves.
 

Little Jaden told his his dad he wanted to get married. His dad asked, "Do you have any one in mind?" He said, "Yes, grandma." Dad asked, "My mom? Why?" Little Jaden said, "Well, you married my mom!"
 

Boy: God, what is a thousand years to you? God: A second. Boy: God, what is a thousand dollars to you? God: A penny. Boy: God, can I have a penny? God: Sure, just a second.
 

If Rhianna is the only girl in the world, why am I here.....
 

Stevie: Hey, Mom, I got a hundred in school today. Mom: That's wonderful! What did you get a hundred in? Stevie: In two things: I got forty in reading and sixty in spelling.
 

Dad: Go buy us a drink. Son: Coke or Pepsi? Dad: Coke. Son: Normal or diet? Dad: Normal Son: Bottle or can? Dad: Bottle Son: 1L or 0.5L? Dad: Just go buy some water! Son: Carbonated or normal? Dad: Normal! Son: Cold or hot? Dad: Get out! Son: Now or later? Dad: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
 

A visitor to the United States for the first time went to Manhattan to do some sight-seeing and shopping. Somehow he managed to get lost, so he called his cousin from a phone booth to pick him up. "Which corners are you at?" asked the cousin. The visitor said, "Hold on." Stepping carefully onto the sidewalk, he looked up at the sign and stepped back into the booth. "I am at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk!"
 


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