Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Jokes

We've got lots of funny jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What does a polar bear use to keep his head warm?
A. A polar ice cap.

Q. Why did the children eat their homework?
A. Because their teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Q. What did the skeleton order with his drink?
A. A mop.

Q. What tree do fingers grow off of?
A. A palm tree!

Q. Why did the robot cross the road?
A. Because the chicken was out of order!

Q. Where did the baby ghost sit?
A. In a BOOster seat!

Q. Why did the girl bring a ruler to bed with her?
A. She wanted to see how long she slept.

Q. Why didn't the Dallas Cowboys want to beat the Denver Broncos in a game?
A. Because they needed a ride home!

Q. How can you tell which end is the head of a worm?
A. Tickle the middle and see where it laughs!

Q. What does a ghost keep in its stable?
A. Nightmares.

Q. You are dreaming. A monster comes up to you and takes you away. He puts you in an oven and turns it on. Any moment he will be eating you. What should you do?
A. Pinch yourself.

Q. Why didn't the ghost go boo?
A. Because it had no guts.

Q. What do you get with a kangoroo and a snake?
A. A jump rope.

Q. Why did the baker stop making doughnuts?
A. He was annoyed with the HOLE business.

Q. Why did the boy take a packet of oats with him to bed?
A. To feed his nightMARE!

Q. What do cheerleaders drink?
A. Root beer.

Q. What type of queue do dolls like best?
A. A BBQ.

Q. Why don't you see penguins in Britian?
A. They're afraid of Wales!

Q. What do you call a person who operates an armored car?
A. A safe driver.

Q. What stands in the middle of an ocean?
A. The letter E!

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gorilla
Gorilla who?
Gorilla me a hamburger!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Joe
Joe who?
Joe momma!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ivan
Ivan who?
Ivan. You lose!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Irish
Irish who?
Irish you would stop talking.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Who
Who who?
You never told me you're an owl!

Jokes

Bill: My sister has lovely long red hair all down her back. Will: Pity it's not on her head.
 

There were two cows standing in a field talking to each other. They were talking about Mr. Brown's cows having Mad Cow Disease, when one of the cows said, "It's a good thing we're chickens."
 

Milkman: Are you sure you want 50 quarts of milk? Woman: Yes, my doctor told me to take a bath of milk. Milkman: Would you like it pasteurized? Woman: No, just up to my neck please.
 

Patron: Waiter, what's this Praying Mantis doing in my soup? Waiter: Saying grace.
 

A man walked into a bar. Ouch!
 

Dentist: Stop making a face, I haven't even touched your teeth . Tommy: I know, but you're stepping on my foot!
 

There were three men who were hunting. The first man went and brought back a deer. The two men said, "How did you catch that?" The man said, "I followed the tracks." The second guy caught a moose and they asked, "How did you catch that?" "I followed the tracks." So the third guy went and came back with bruises and scrapes. "How did you get those?" "I followed the tracks." He had followed train tracks.
 

A man is sitting in a pub feeling rather poor. He sees the man next to him pull a wad of $50 notes out of his wallet. He turns to the rich man and says, "I have an amazing talent. I know almost every song that has ever existed." The rich man laughs. The poor man says, "I am willing to bet you all the money you have in your wallet that I can sing a genuine song with a lady's name of your choice in it." The rich man laughs again and says, "Ok, how about my daughter's name, Joanna Armstrong Miller." The poor man begins, "Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Joanna Armstrong Miller, happy birthday to you!"
 

Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4? Student: That's not fair! You answered the easy ones and left me with the hard one!
 

One day, Ah Meng asked Siew Lee, "Why do lions eat raw meat?" Siew Lee said, "Because they are wild animals?" Ah Meng said, "Wrong! They eat raw meat because they can't cook!"
 


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