Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Jokes

We've got lots of funny jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
A. "You're way too young to smoke."

Q. Why did the skeleton stand in the corner during his prom?
A. He had no body to dance with!

Q. What pants do ghosts wear?
A. BOO jeans.

Q. Why should you never play hide and seek with mountains?
A. Mountains always peek (peak).

Q. Why didn't the moon finish his meal?
A. It was full.

Q. Why was the computer late to work?
A. He had a hard-drive.

Q. What's the difference between a bird and a fly?
A. A bird can fly but a fly can't bird.

Q. How many seconds are in a year?
A. 12: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc.

Q. Why do birds fly south in the winter?
A. Because it's too far to walk!

Q. What time is it when a clock strikes thirteen?
A. Time to buy a new clock.

Q. What did the shark say when he bumped into a whale?
A. "I didn't do it on porpoise!" (purpose)

Q. What has a head and a tail but no body?
A. A coin?

Q. What do you call a fairy that hasn't taken a bath?
A. STINKerbell.

Q. Why is Santa so good at karate?
A. Because he has a black belt!

Q. What happens when a leprechaun falls into a river?
A. He gets wet!

Q. Why can't a car play football?
A. Because its only got one boot.

Q. Why do cows wear bells?
A. Because their horns don't work!

Q. What do you get when you cross a hot dog and Halloween?
A. A Hallo-weenie!

Q. What is the most musical part of your body?
A. Your nose, you can blow it and pick it.

Q. What sickness can fly?
A. The flu!

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Pencil
Pencil who?
Pencil fall down if you don't wear a belt.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Goliath
Goliath who?
Goliath down you're lookin' tired.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Puss
Puss who?
Puss n' Boots!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Irish
Irish who?
Irish you would stop talking.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Boo
Boo who?
Don't cry, it's only a joke.

Jokes

Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire. Doctor: Drink this glass of water. Patient: Will it make me better? Doctor: No, but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.
 

A man is talking to God. The man: God, how long is a million years? God: To me, it's about a minute. The man: God, how much is a million dollars? God: To me it's a penny. The man: God, may I have a penny? God: Wait a minute.
 

Student asking his teacher: Do you punish people for things they don't do? Teacher: No. Student: Good, because I haven't done my homework today.
 

Snake 1: I hope I'm not poisonous. Snake 2: Why? Snake 1: Because I just bit my tongue.
 

A cat died in a house. The servant started crying badly. Master: It is only a cat that has died, why are you crying so much? Servant: Master, when the cat was there I used to drink the milk and put the blame on it. Now on whom will I put the blame?
 

A first grade teacher was telling her students the story of "Chicken Little." She got to the part when Chicken Little ran up to the Farmer saying, "The sky is falling. The sky is falling." Then the teacher paused and asked the kids what they thought the farmer said. One little girl raised her hand and the teacher called on her. The little girl then said, "I think the farmer said Holy cow, a talking chicken!"
 

A man decided to start a chicken farm and brought 24 to get started. A week later he bought another 24 and another 24 the week after that. When his friend asked how his chicken farm was coming along the man replied, "Not one of them has grown yet. I wonder if I'm planting them too deep?"
 

Teacher: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? Simon: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
 

The difference between a boxer and a man with a cold is that... One knows his blows and another blows his nose!
 

Kid: I bet I can make you say Black. What's the color of the sky? Kid's friend: Blue Kid: Told you I could make you say blue. Kid's friend: What? You said black. Kid: Told you I could make you say black.
 


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