Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Jokes

We've got lots of funny jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A. A broken drum, you cant beat it!

Q. How did the centipede run up a million-dollar doctor bill?
A. He sprained his ankle.

Q. What did one cool bee say to the other?
A. "Buzz off, dude!"

Q. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
A. Nothing, it was on the house!

Q. What did the cat say when he fell off the table?
A. "Me ow!"

Q. What has a face and two hands but no arms or legs?
A. A clock.

Q. What is black, white and red?
A. A panda with a rash!

Q. What do you call a blind dinosaur?
A. Doyouthinkhesarus?

Q. What do bunnies do when they get married?
A. Go on a bunnymoon!

Q. Why did the rancher name his ranch "Peanut Butter"?
A. It was a great spread.

Q. What is a snake's favourite subject?
A. HISStory!

Q. What did the jelly say to the peanut butter?
A. "We make a good match!"

Q. What Christmas carol is a favourite of parents?
A. Silent Night.

Q. What kind of underwear do New York basketball players wear?
A. KNICK-ers.

Q. What is black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white and green?
A. Two skunks fighting over a pickle.

Q. Why don't skeletons play music in church?
A. They have no organs.

Q. What did the lucky lollipop say to the unlucky lollipop?
A. "Bye-bye, sucker!"

Q. What do you get with a kangoroo and a snake?
A. A jump rope.

Q. What is an alien's favorite place on a computer?
A. The space bar!

Q. What letter is an exclamation?
A. O!

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Echo
Echo who?
Echo who? Echo who?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Come in...

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Monkey
Monkey who?
Monkey see. Monkey do.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cheese
Cheese who?
Cheese a cute girl

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you sick of these knock-knock jokes?

Jokes

See this finger here? Yesterday I whacked it with a hammer. I think I hit the wrong nail!
 

A teacher asked her first grade class to bring their birth certificates to class. When the time came to give them to her, David stood up and said very politely, "Teacher, I forgot my excuse for being born."
 

1st Cannibal: Am I late for dinner? 2nd Cannibal: Yes, every one's eaten.
 

Moe: Does your undershirt have holes in it? Joe: No, why? Moe: Then how do you get it on in the morning?
 

Little Jaden told his his dad he wanted to get married. His dad asked, "Do you have any one in mind?" He said, "Yes, grandma." Dad asked, "My mom? Why?" Little Jaden said, "Well, you married my mom!"
 

Secretary: Doctor, there's an invisible dinosaur in the waiting room. Doctor: Tell him I can't see him!
 

Kid: I bet I can make you say Black. What's the color of the sky? Kid's friend: Blue Kid: Told you I could make you say blue. Kid's friend: What? You said black. Kid: Told you I could make you say black.
 

There were three people. One was called Nobody, the second was called Somebody and third Crazy. One day Nobody killed Somebody. Crazy called the police and said, "Nobody killed Somebody!" The police asked, "Are you crazy?" "Yes I am. How did you know?"
 

The insects were playing against a team of flies. The flies were winning 30 to 0. At the third quarter the insects put a millepede in the game, he scored a total of 50 points. At the end of the game the coach of the flies asked the coach of the insects, "Why didn't you put the millepede in the first quarter?" "Because it takes him forever to put his shoes on!"
 

Shelly: Our teacher is a peach. Kelly: You mean she is really nice? Shelly: No, she has a heart of stone.
 


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