Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Jokes

We've got lots of funny jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What do you do if something charges at you?
A. You take away its credit card!

Q. What did the dragon say after laying 50 eggs?
A. "I'm EGGShausted!"

Q. What jumps higher than a building?
A. Everything, buildings don't jump.

Q. How do you stop an alligator wriggling in the back of your car?
A. Move it to the front!

Q. You're riding on a horse and you realize there's a lion chasing you and a giraffe is in front of you. What do you do?
A. Jump off the merry-go-round!

Q. What letter is a drink?
A. T.

Q. Four men are in a boat and fall in the water. Not a single man gets wet. How is this possible?
A. All of them were married!

Q. What does Frosty like to put on his icebergers?
A. Chilly sauce!

Q. How do you keep someone in suspense?
A. I'll tell you tomorrow.

Q. Which fish costs the most?
A. A gold fish!

Q. What do you get when you cross a hammock and a dog?
A. A rocker spaniel.

Q. What insect is a coward?
A. A flea!

Q. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced?
A. A buccaneer (A buck an ear)

Q. What is a reindeer's favorite instrument?
A. Horns!

Q. What do snobby vegetables do when they see people?
A. They turnip (turn up) their noses?

Q. What disappears when you stand up?
A. Your lap!

Q. Why didn't the police catch the banana?
A. Because it split!

Q. Why did the kid run to school?
A. Because he was chased by the spelling bee.

Q. What games do bats like to play on Halloween?
A. Anything with a ball.

Q. What did the frog order at the burger place?
A. French flies and a diet croak.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Answer and the door and you'll find out!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Carrie
Carrie who?
Carrie the shopping in will you? It weighs a ton.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Armageddon
Armageddon who?
Armageddon out of here if you don't let me in!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Olive
Olive who?
Olive you. (I love you)

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Clara
Clara who?
Clara space on the table!

Jokes

There's this man, he walks up to this lady's door. The lady answers it. The man says, "I'm terribly sorry. I just ran over your cat. I'd like to replace it." Then the woman says. "How good are you at catching mice?"
 

It was the first day of school and the teacher asked all the troublemakers to stand up. Finally this girl stood up and the teacher asked, "Are you a troublemaker?" The girl said, "No." The teacher asked why she was standing and the girl said, "You looked lonely."
 

Headmaster: I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all your teachers. What have you been doing? Johnny: Nothing, sir. Headmaster: Exactly.
 

A boy was told to write a 100 word essay. He thought for a bit then started. 'I went out to call my cat in for the night, so I called 'kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty...'
 

Tongue Twister: A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk but the stump thunk the skunk stunk!
 

Once there was a boy who needed to do his home work. His homework was to write down his family's favourite words. So when he got home he asked his mom who was listening to the radio, "What is your favourite word mom?" "Shut up!" So he wrote that down. Then he went to his dad who was watching football and his favourite team had just scored a goal, so the little boy asked his dad,"What is your favourite word dad?" "Yeah!" So he wrote that down. Next he went to his big sister and he asked her, "What is your favourite word?" She was listening to her favourite CD and said, "A lollipop, a lollipop, a lollipop." So he wrote that down. Next he went to his brother. He was watching the end of Batman, he asked him, "What is your favourite word?" "Nananananananana Batman!" so he wrote that down. Then he went to his baby sister who was playing with her cars. So he asked her, "What is your favourite word?" "Voom, voom car, a voom, voom car." So he wrote that down. The next day at school, the teacher asked him to share his homework with the class He said, "Shut up!" The teacher said, "Do you want to go to the principal's office?" "Yeah!" "What do you think you deserve?" "A lollipop, a lollipop, a lollipop." "Who do you think you are?" "Nananananananana Batman!" "What do you think you are going to get away with?" "Voom, voom car, a voom, voom car."
 

There was a man carrying a lobster. His friend said, "What are you doing with that lobster under your arm?" The man replied, "I am taking him to dinner." The lobster spoke out, "I already had dinner, can we go to the movies instead?"
 

Fayad: Hey, Prasant where does the sun go at night? Prasant: Ah, Fayad, you are so foolish. It doesn't go anywhere, we just can't see it because it's dark out.
 

Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I'm going to die in 59 seconds! Doctor: Hang on, I'll be there in a minute.
 

See this finger here? Yesterday I whacked it with a hammer. I think I hit the wrong nail!
 


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