Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Jokes

We've got lots of funny jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What is the most musical part of your body?
A. Your nose, you can blow it and pick it.

Q. What has a lot of keys but can't open doors?
A. A piano.

Q. How do rabbits travel?
A. By HAREplanes.

Q. What do you get when you cross a ghost, a dog and a rooster?
A. A cockatoo!

Q. What did the astronaut say when he saw bones on the moon?
A. "Obviously the cow didn't make it."

Q. What's the best thing to give your parents for Christmas?
A. A list of everything you want!

Q. It is greater than God and more evil than devil. The poor have it. The rich need it and if you eat it you'll die. What is it?
A. Nothing!

Q. What is black and white and red all over?
A. A zebra with the chicken pox.

Q. What did the 0 say to the 8?
A. "Nice belt."

Q. Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant?
A. Because he had a big bill.

Q. Where do pencils come from?
A. Pennsylvania.

Q. How does the Easter Bunny paint all the Easter eggs?
A. He hires Santa's elves during the off season.

Q. What has two heads and runs faster the longer it stands?
A. An hourglass.

Q. How do pachyderms hear?
A. It doesn't matter - it's ear elephant (irrelevant).

Q. What sits outside all year long and is Irish?
A. Paddy O'furniture.

Q. Why is getting up in the morning like a pig's tail?
A. It's twirly. (Too early)

Q. What did the fish say to the octopus while the octopus was eating?
A. Lend me a tentacle or 8.

Q. What' the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner?
A. A turKEY!

Q. What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an evil spirit?
A. A poultrygeist!

Q. Why was the broom late for school?
A. He over swept.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gladiator
Gladiator who?
Gladiator (Glad-he-ate-her) and not me!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Wiener.
Wiener. who?
Wiener you going to get here?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snowbody!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Knock
Knock who?
Knock you out!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Boo
Boo who?
Don't cry, it's only a joke.

Jokes

Kermit the Frog walks into a loan place and goes up to a lady working there. He notices her name tag says Patti Wak. Kermit asks if he can take out a loan and she says, "I am going to have to see an IOU." Kermit takes out a piggy bank from his pocket and says here it is. Patti Wak asks what it is and he tells her it's his IOU. Young man I am going to have to call your parents, "What's their number?" "555-8937." "Hello who is this?" "This is Mick Jagger." Patti Wak talks to Mick Jagger then talks to her manager. The manager says, "Nik Nak Patti Wak give this frog a loan his old man is a Rolling Stone."
 

A little boy stops in front of a church with his bike and he sees the priest come out. The priest says, "Come inside, I want to show you something." The little boy says to the priest, "But somebody will steal my bike." The priest says to him, "Don't worry, the Holy Spirit will watch it." So the little boy goes inside and the priest says, "Let me show you how to do the sign of the cross. In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, Amen. Now, you try it." So the boy says, "In the name of the Father and the Son, Amen." The priest asks, "What happened to the Holy Spirit?" The boy replied "He's outside, watching my bike."
 

There was a man who wanted to prove his love to his wife. So he climbed the highest mountain, swam the deepest ocean and walked the biggest desert. What do you think his wife said? She didn't say anything! She divorced him for never being at home!
 

A boy came home from school. "How much did you learn in school today?" His mother asked. "Not enough, I have to go back again tomorrow."
 

A teacher asked a girl, "How was the Red Sea formed?" The girl said, "Sorry Miss, I don't know who painted it."
 

A little boy was in a wedding. Every time he walked 2 steps down the aisle, he would roar. When he finally got to the end of the aisle the people asked what he was doing. The little boy said that he was just being the Ring Bear.
 

1st Cannibal: Am I late for dinner? 2nd Cannibal: Yes, every one's eaten.
 

On the day before Thanksgiving there was a parrot who said bad words a lot. His owner got so annoyed he stuffed the parrot in the freezer. After the owner had calmed down he got the parrot out of the freezer, the parrot politely asked, "May I ask what the turkey did?"
 

Mum: Eat your roast chicken, it's got iron it! Jack: No wonder it is tough!
 

Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? Louie: Because George still had the axe in his hand?
 


To see more jokes, click the Refresh button, below.

 We also have jokes about…