Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Jokes

We've got lots of funny jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What do you call a skeleton that lies on its grave?
A. Lazy bones!

Q. What do you call a square that's been in an accident?
A. A WRECKtangle.

Q. Where do you go when a ghost is chasing you?
A. To the living room!

Q. Why was Santa's helper depressed?
A. He had low ELF-esteem.

Q. What do fish take to stay alive?
A. Vitamin sea.

Q. Why didn't the lifegaurd save the hippie?
A. Because he was too far out, man.

Q. What is a pampered cow?
A. Spoiled milk.

Q. What time do you go to the dentist?
A. Tooth hurty!

Q. What does a cloud wear under it's raincoat?
A. Thunderwear!

Q. What comes down but never goes up?
A. Rain.

Q. Why did the star go to the bathroom?
A. It had to twinkle!

Q. What kind of murderer has fibre?
A. A cereal killer.

Q. Who in the solar system has the most loose change?
A. The moon, it keeps changing quarters.

Q. What did the man say to the butcher at the deli?
A. "I never sausage a place"

Q. What goes around the world but stays in one place?
A. A stamp.

Q. What do you get when an elephant sky dives?
A. A big hole.

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Q. How do you stop a dog from barking in the back seat of your car?
A. Have him sit in front with you.

Q. What do you call a frog that parks in a tow away zone?
A. A TOAD away zone.

Q. What do you call a crab that will not share?
A. A selfish. (Shellfish)

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Felix
Felix who?
Felix my lolly, I'll whack him.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange ya glad I'm here?!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ivana
Ivana who?
Ivana suck your blood.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
You know
You know who?
Avada Kadavra!

Knock, knock
Who's there?

Jokes

There were 3 people and they were all bragging about their country. The first person says, "We were the first in space!" And the second responds, "Well, we were first on the moon! Beat that!" So the third person says, "Well, that's nothing. Me and my crew are going to the sun!" "How are you gonna do that?" said the other two. "Well duh! We are gonna go at night!"
 

There was once a cookie saying, "I'm a cookie, I'm a cookie, I'm a cookie." A lady came along and told him to be quiet. She poked him in the middle. Then the cookie looked at his stomach and said, "I'm a donut, I'm a donut, I'm a donut."
 

If Rhianna is the only girl in the world, why am I here.....
 

Jeddah: I can make you say yellow. Alexis: Try me. Jeddah: Okay. What's the color of this? Alexis: Pink? Jeddah: See I told you I could make you say yellow? Alexis: I didn't say yellow!! Jeddah: Ha, ha, you just did! Alexis: Darn!
 

Two girls are distracted by another girl singing terribly, so they said, "You should sing tenor. Ten or twelve miles away from here!"
 

"Teacher, Teacher I need to pee!" "Let me hear your ABC's." "Okay, A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y and Z." "Good job, except where is the P?" "Halfway down my leg!"
 

John: Can I cut you in line? Stella: No, I would like to stay in one piece!
 

A guy says to his friend, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket." The friends says, "If I guess right, will you give me one of them?" The first guys says, "If you guess right, I'll give you both of them!"
 

Patient: Doctor, Doctor, will this ointment clear up my spots? Doctor: I never make rash promises.
 

Dad: Go buy us a drink. Son: Coke or Pepsi? Dad: Coke. Son: Normal or diet? Dad: Normal Son: Bottle or can? Dad: Bottle Son: 1L or 0.5L? Dad: Just go buy some water! Son: Carbonated or normal? Dad: Normal! Son: Cold or hot? Dad: Get out! Son: Now or later? Dad: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
 


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