Squigly Squigly's Jokes and Riddles

Jokes

We've got lots of funny jokes for you! These riddles, knock, knock jokes and jokes have been submitted by kids from all over the world. We know they will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What do you get when you cross an octagon with a cat?
A. An octopus.

Q. It is not our enemy, yet we still beat it. What is it?
A. A drum.

Q. What word, if spelled right is wrong and spelled wrong is right?
A. Wrong!

Q. What did the volcanoes name their daughter?
A. MAGMAlena.

Q. Why is history the sweetest lesson?
A. Because it is full of dates.

Q. Where does the word done come before start?
A. In the dictionary!

Q. What can you serve but never eat?
A. A tennis ball!

Q. Mary was shot in the head. She managed to avoid being hospitalized and she's as healthy as can be. How can this be?
A. She had a modeling audition. So, they took her head shots.

Q. Why did the frog cross the road?
A. He was following the chicken!

Q. What did the little light bulb say to its mum?
A. "I wuv you watts and watts!"

Q. There are 3 men on a boat. The boat tips over and only 2 men get their hair wet. How is that possible?
A. One is bald.

Q. Why did Frosty have a carrot in his nose?
A. Because he forgot where the refrigerator was.

Q. A duck, a cat and a cow went out to dinner, who had to pay?
A. The duck. He was the only one with a bill.

Q. Why were the police suspicious of the window drapes?
A. They were shady.

Q. What do you get if you pour boiling hot water down a rabbit hole?
A. Hot cross bunnies.

Q. What do bunnies do when they get married?
A. Go on a bunnymoon!

Q. What's red and white, red and white, red and white?
A. Santa Claus rolling down the hill.

Q. There are two dads and two sons that went fishing. Everyone caught a fish, but only three fish were caught. How is this possible?
A. There was a grandfather, a dad and a son.

Q. What pet does everybody have?
A. A carPET!

Q. What do you get when a pig and a chicken bump into each other?
A. Ham and eggs!

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cheese
Cheese who?
Cheese a cute girl!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Me
Me who?
You don't know me?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Felix
Felix who?
Felix my lolly, I'll whack him.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dwain
Dwain who?
Dwain the bathtub, I'm drowning.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Butch, Jimmy and Joe
Butch, Jimmy and Joe who?
Butch your arms around me, Jimmy a little kiss, and I will Joe home.

Jokes

Two girls are distracted by another girl singing terribly, so they said, "You should sing tenor. Ten or twelve miles away from here!"
 

Electrician: Your doorbell doesn't work, because you have a short circuit in the wiring. Housewife: Well for goodness sake lengthen it!
 

Monster: It is a very hot day today! Witch: So, can I make you a lemonade? Monster: Yes! Witch: Poof! You're lemonade!
 

Sam's mom had four kids, Enie, Menie, Miney, and Sam. One day Sam asked his mom, "Why didn't you name me Moe?" To which she replied, "'Cause I didn't want no Moe."
 

Teacher: How many seconds in a minute? Student: 60 Teacher: How many minutes in an hour? Student: 60 Teacher: Good, now for a hard one, how many seconds in a year? Student: 12 Teacher: 12? Student: Yes, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd...
 

Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire. Doctor: Drink this glass of water. Patient: Will it make me better? Doctor: No, but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.
 

A girl went out one day and when she came back her house was on fire. She called the fire department and the lady that answered the phone told her to calm down. Then the lady asked, "How do we get to your house?" The girl replied, "DUH! On your big red truck!"
 

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
 

There was a family of tomatoes, the father tomato, the mother tomato and the baby tomato. They were walking down the road one day and baby tomato kept lagging behind. So finally the father tomato went back and stepped on him and said, "Catch up!"
 

"Explain the theory of expansion and contraction," the teacher asked one of the pupils. "A substance expands when it is heated and contracts when it is cooled." "No wonder we have a long vacation in summer and a short one in winter," remarked another pupil.
 


To see more jokes, click the Refresh button, below.

 We also have jokes about…
Advertisement