Q. What do you get if you cross mistletoe and a duck?
A. A Christmas Quacker.
Q. What did the ghost say to Santa Claus?
A. "I'll have a boo Christmas without you."
Q. What do call Santa when he stops moving?
A. Santa Pause!
Q. Where does a snowman keep his money?
A.
In a snow bank.
Q. Why are Christmas trees such bad knitters?
A. They are always dropping their needles.
Q. Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
A. Because of all the wrapping!
Q. What goes in a chimney red and comes out of it black?
A. Santa Claus.
Q. What's white and red and goes up and down and up and down?
A. Santa Claus in an elevator!
Q. How do you scare a snowman?
A. You get a hairdryer!
Q. What do they sing under the ocean during the winter?
A. Christmas Corals!
Q. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
A. Nothing, it was on the house!
Q. What is invisible and smells like milk and cookies?
A. Santa's burps!
Q. What do snowmen do on Christmas?
A. Play with the snow angels.
Q. Who
says "Oh, Oh, Oh!"?
A. Santa
walking backwards!
Q. What
nationality is Santa Claus?
A.
North Polish.
Q. What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet!
Q. How
did the sheep say Merry Christmas?
A. "Fleece
Avoided."
Q. What
do you call a Santa that sleeps all the time?
A. Santa
snores!
Q. Why
was Santa's helper depressed?
A. He
had low ELF-esteem.
Q. What's
a good holiday tip?
A. Never
catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the
winter.
Q. What
Christmas carol is a favourite of parents?
A. Silent
Night.
Q. What
do you call a snowman in the summer?
A. A
puddle!
Q. What
do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A. Frosted
Flakes..
Q. Why
does Santa have three gardens ?
A. So
he can go HOE HOE HOE.
Q. Why
did Sponge Bob have a great Christmas?
A. Because
he kissed a Krabby Patty.
Q. What
does Santa clean his sleigh with?
A. Comet.
Q. What do you get when you deep fry Santa Claus?
A. Crisp Kringle.
Q. What
do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
A. Frostbite.
Q. What's
black and white and red all over?
A. Santa
covered with chimney soot.
Q. What
did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
A. An
ice burger with chili sauce.
Q. Why is Santa so good at karate?
A. Because he has a black belt!
Q. Why
did the candy cane cross the road?
A. Because
it wanted to get a licking!
Q. What's the best thing to give your parents for Christmas?
A. A list of everything you want!
Q. Why
did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
A. Because
he wanted to sleep like a log!
Q. What
do elves learn in school?
A. The
elf-abet.
Q. If
athletes get athlete's foot, then what do astronauts get?
A. Missile-toe.
Q. What
kind of bug hates Christmas?
A. A
humbug.
Q. What
two countries should the chef use when he's making Christmas dinner?
A. Turkey
and Greece.
Q. Who gives presents to baby sharks?
A. Santa Jaws.
Q. What do you get when you cross a cat with Santa Claus?
A.
Santa-Claws!
Q. What's white, red and blue at Christmas time?
A. A sad candy cane!
Q. What
do you call a girl with a Christmas Tree on her head?
A. Carol.
Q. What
do you get when you eat Christmas decorations?
A. Tinsilitis!
Q. What
did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked in the sky?
A. "Looks
like rain, dear."
Q. Why
did Frosty have a carrot in his nose?
A. Because
he forgot where the refrigerator was.
Q. What
do vampires sing on New Year's Eve?
A. Auld
Fang Syne!
Q. What
did the Christmas tree say to the ornament?
A. "Aren't
you tired of hanging around?"
Q. Why
are there only snowmen and not snowwomen?
A. Because
only men are stupid enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
Q. What's
Santa's favourite candy?
A. Jolly
Ranchers!
Q. What
did the monkey sing on Christmas day?
A. Jungle
bells, Jungle bells...
Q. What
do you call Santa Claus deep fried?
A. Krisp
Kringle.
Q. What
did the reindeer say when he saw an elf?
A. Nothing,
reindeer can't talk.
Q. What do you call Santa when he goes down a chimney with a fire at the bottom?
A. Krisp Cringle.
Q. What's
a good holiday tip?
A. Never
catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the
winter.
Q. What is big, red and flies in the sky?
A. Santa Clause.
Q. Did you hear about the cracker's Christmas party?
A. It was a BANG!
Q. What do you get if you cross an apple and a Christmas tree?
A. Pineapple.
Q. Which elf was the best singer?
A. ELFis Presley.
Q. What is the cleanest reindeer called?
A. Comet.
Q. How do you know when Santa's in the room?
A. You can sense his presents.
Q. What did the cow get for Christmas?
A. A COWculator.
Q. What's red and white, red and white, red and white?
A. Santa Claus rolling down the hill.
Q. What comes before Christmas Eve?
A. Christmas Adam!
Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!
