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School Jokes

Why were the kids laughing in the classroom? Because they were reading Squigly's Jokes and Riddles of course! Here is our funny collection of school jokes , school knock knock jokes and school riddles. They are guaranteed to make you LOL!


Riddles

Q. Where did the pencil go for vacation?
A. To Pennsylvania.

Q. What kind of teacher passes gas?
A. A tutor!

Q. If I did this equation, 23x45+27x99= What answer would I get?
A. A very big number!

Q. Who invented King Arthur's round table?
A. Sir Cumference!

Q. What did the student say after the teacher said, "Order students, order?"
A. "Can I have fries and a burger?"

Q. What becomes smaller when you turn it upside down?
A. The number nine.

Q. Why did the children eat their homework?
A. Because their teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Q. Why do teachers give you homework?
A. Just to annoy you.

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher with a tiger?
A. I don't know but you better behave in its class!

Q. What did the scientist say to the hydrogen atom that claimed it lost an electron?
A. "Are you positive?"

Q. Why doesn't the sun go to college?
A. Because it has a million degrees!

Q. What is yellow on the outside and gray on the inside?
A. A school bus full of elephants!

Q. What do you do with dead elements?
A. Barium!

Q. Why did the jellybean go to school?
A. To become a smartie!

Q. Why did the clock go to the principal's office?
A. For tocking too much!

Q. Where do New York City kids learn their multiplication tables?
A. Times Square.

Q. Why was the broom late for school?
A. He over swept.

Q. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
A. Because her students were bright!

Q. Why was the music teacher not able to open his class room?
A. Because his keys were on the piano.

Q. What did the student say to the math worksheet?
A. I'm not a therapist, solve your own problems!

Q. Why was the little bird punished?
A. It was caught peeping in school.

Q. What's bigger when it's upside down?
A. A 6!

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Q. When is a blue school book not a blue school book?
A. When it is read!

Q. Where do birds go to school?
A. High school.

Q. What's the worst thing that can happen to a geography teacher?
A. Getting lost.

Q. Why is arithmetic hard work?
A. All those numerals you have to carry.

Q. Why did the girl take a ladder to school?
A. Because she thought it was a high school.

Q. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
A. "Watch the board and I'll go through it again."

Q. Why did the snake get a detention?
A. Because he was HISSpering!

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Broken pencil
Broken pencil who?
Oh, never mind it's pointless!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad we are out of school?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad there is no school on Saturday?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Justin
Justin who?
Just in time for school!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Canoe
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?

Jokes

There was a really dumb girl and she failed a test. Her teacher wanted her to come in after school and make it up. On the note home to her parents the teacher wrote: Make up test.
The following day the girl brought lipstick and eye shadow to school.
 

Teacher: If you had five apples on your desk and the boy next to you took two, what would you get?
Billy: A fight!
 

Once there was a boy who needed to do his home work. His homework was to write down his family's favourite words.
So when he got home he asked his mom who was listening to the radio, "What is your favourite word mom?"
"Shut up!" So he wrote that down.
Then he went to his dad who was watching football and his favourite team had just scored a goal, so the little boy asked his dad,"What is your favourite word dad?"
"Yeah!" So he wrote that down.
Next he went to his big sister and he asked her, "What is your favourite word?"
She was listening to her favourite CD and said, "A lollipop, a lollipop, a lollipop." So he wrote that down.
Next he went to his brother. He was watching the end of Batman, he asked him, "What is your favourite word?"
"Nananananananana Batman!" so he wrote that down.
Then he went to his baby sister who was playing with her cars. So he asked her, "What is your favourite word?"
"Voom, voom car, a voom, voom car." So he wrote that down.
The next day at school, the teacher asked him to share his homework with the class
He said, "Shut up!"
The teacher said, "Do you want to go to the principal's office?"
"Yeah!"
"What do you think you deserve?"
"A lollipop, a lollipop, a lollipop."
"Who do you think you are?"
"Nananananananana Batman!"
"What do you think you are going to get away with?"
"Voom, voom car, a voom, voom car."
 

Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom?
Little Johnny: But I asked first!
 

Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria.
Socks can eat anywhere they want.
 

A teacher said, "Children, stand in a straight circle!"
 

Teacher: Who is smart? Put up your hand.
Then all the students except Ken raise their hand.
Teacher: Ken, why aren't you raising your hand?
Ken: Because if I raise my hand than you'll be all alone.
 

Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
Louie: Because George still had the axe in his hand?
 

If teachers are so smart then why are they in school?
 

Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?
Student: That's not fair! You answered the easy ones and left me with the hard one!
 

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