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Squigly's School Jokes, Riddles and Knock Knock Jokes

Why were the kids laughing in the classroom? Because they were reading Squigly's Jokes and Riddles of course! Here is our funny collection of school jokes guaranteed to make you LOL! To see some new free jokes just refresh the page!

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Elephant Jokes

   


Riddles

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Q. What did the cross eyed teacher say to the principal?
A. "I can't control my pupils!"

Q. Why did the Cyclops close his school?
A. Because he only had one pupil.

Q. What did the student say after the teacher said, "Order students, order?"
A. "Can I have fries and a burger?"

Q. Why was the math book unhappy?
A. Because he had too many problems!

Q. Why was the broom late for school?
A. He over swept.

Q. What object is king of the classroom?
A. The ruler!

Q. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
A. Because her students were bright!

Q. Why did the pencil cross the road first?
A. He was the LEADer!

Q. What do you do with dead elements?
A. Barium!

Q. What's the worst thing that can happen to a geography teacher?
A. Getting lost.

Q. Why is arithmetic hard work?
A. All those numerals you have to carry.

Q. If I did this equation, 23x45+27x99= What answer would I get?
A. A very big number!

Q. How did the teacher knit a suit of armor?
A. She used steel wool!

Q. Why did Daniel go to the top of the school?
A. Because he wanted to go to high school.

Q. Why do mathematicians like airlines?
A. They use Pi-lots.

Q. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
A. "Watch the board and I'll go through it again."

Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.

Q. Why did the jellybean go to school?
A. To become a smartie!

Q. Why doesn't the sun go to college?
A. Because it has a million degrees!

Q. What can you call a math teacher?
A. A ruler.

Q. Why was the music teacher not able to open his class room?
A. Because his keys were on the piano.

Q. Why is history the sweetest lesson?
A. Because it is full of dates.

Q. What is white when dirty and black when clean?
A. A blackboard.

Q. Where do birds go to school?
A. High school.

Q. Why did the teacher draw on the window?
A. Because he wanted his lesson to be very clear!

Q. What did the student say to the math worksheet?
A. I'm not a therapist, solve your own problems!

Q. What school subject is a witch good at?
A. Spelling.

Q. Where do New York City kids learn their multiplication tables?
A. Times Square.

Q. What do ducks use for math?
A. A QUACK-ulator !

Q. How many sides does a circle have?
A. Two, inside and out.

Q. Why did Goofy take a ladder to school?
A. Because he wanted to get to high school.

Q. I usually wear a yellow coat. I usually have a black tip and wherever I go I make marks. What am I?
A. A pencil.

Q. Why did the new boy steal a chair from the classroom?
A. Because the teacher told him to take a seat.

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. What happened when the teacher tied all the kids shoe laces together?
A. They had a class trip!

Q. Why didn't the class clown use hair oil the day before the big test?
A. Because he didn't want anything to slip his mind.

Q. What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
A. Pick them up and roll them back to her!

Q. Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
A. To reach the high notes!

Q. Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?
A. Because when you add four and four you get ate (eight).

Q. What becomes smaller when you turn it upside down?
A. The number nine.

Q. Where do pencils come from?

A. Pennsylvania.

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Q. What did the calculator say to the other calculator?
A. "You can count on me!"

Q. What tools do you need for math?
A. MultiPLIERS.

Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. "I've got a lot of problems."

Q. Why did the teacher go to the beach?
A. To test the water.

Q. Why did the children eat their homework?
A. Because their teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Q. What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A. The teacher says throw out that gum and a train says chew, chew!

Q. What do get when you cross one principal with another principal?
A. I wouldn't do it, principals don't like to be crossed!

Q. What did the scientist say to the hydrogen atom that claimed it lost an electron?
A. "Are you positive?"

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Broken pencil
Broken pencil who?
Oh, never mind it's pointless!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad we are out of school?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad there is no school on Saturday?

Jokes

A boy came home from school. "How much did you learn in school today?" His mother asked.
"Not enough, I have to go back again tomorrow."
 

There was a really dumb girl and she failed a test. Her teacher wanted her to come in after school and make it up. On the note home to her parents the teacher wrote: Make up test.
The following day the girl brought lipstick and eye shadow to school.
 

A teacher once asked a boy, "Where is the Dead Sea?"
The boy replied, "Miss, I never knew it was sick."
 

Stevie: Hey, Mom, I got a hundred in school today.
Mom: That's wonderful! What did you get a hundred in?
Stevie: In two things: I got forty in reading and sixty in spelling.
 

Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell Crocodile?
Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L.
Teacher: No, that's wrong.
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
 

A teacher said, "Children, stand in a straight circle!"
 

A boy was told to write a 100 word essay. He thought for a bit then started. 'I went out to call my cat in for the night, so I called 'kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty...'
 

A boy walked into his classroom late. "Why are you late?" the teacher asked.
"Because I saw a dead cat on the way to school," he said.
"How did you know it was dead?"
"I PSST in its ear."
"YOU DID WHAT!?"
"Yeah, I bent down and went PSST in its ear and it didn't move."
 

There was a kid named Joey and he couldn't add, so when they had a test on addition he copied off John's paper. When he was finished with the test his teacher said: Joey why did you copy off John's paper?
Joey: I didn't.
Teacher: Yes you did.
Joey: How did you know?
Teacher: I knew because when John wrote, "I don't know," on question #6, you wrote, "me neither."
 

Invisible Boy's Mother: Why are your grades so low?
Invisible Boy: Because the teacher always marks me absent.
 

 

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