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Squigly's Riddles

We've got lots of funny riddles and jokes for you! By refreshing this page you will get another batch of riddles that will be sure to make you LOL! :D
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Riddles

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Q. Where do dogs go when they lose their tail?
A. To the reTAIL store.

Q. What is green and sings?
A. Elvis Parsley.

Q. Why were the police suspicious of the window drapes?
A. They were shady.

Q. How does a bee get to school?
A. On a bzz!

Q. What money do dogs and cats have?
A. Kitty cash and doggy dollars.

Q. How do you make a goldfish age?
A. Take away the g in goldfish.

Q. What can you catch but never throw?
A. A cold.

Q. Why did the boy scream when he opened the fridge?
A. Because he saw the salad dressing.

Q. What did one coffin say to the other coffin?
A. "Is that you coughin'?"

Q. What did the jelly say to the peanut butter?
A. "We make a good match!"

Q. What is a parrot's favorite food on the 4th of July?
A. Fire crackers!

Q. What do you call a boy with a dictionary in his pocket?
A. Smartie Pants!

Q. The person who makes it sells it, the person who buys it never uses it, the person who is in it doesn't know it, what is it?
A. A coffin.

Q. Why did the girl take a ladder to school?
A. Because she thought it was a high school.

Q. Sam, Lula, Mike, and Kayla all live in a house. Mike and Kayla went out to the movies and when they got back Lula was on the floor dead in a pile of broken glass and water. Sam was on the couch sleeping and didn't know what happened. How did Lula die?
A. Sam is a dog and Lula is a fish. Sam pushed over the fish bowl.

Q. Say milk five times really fast. Now, what do cows drink?
A. Water.

Q. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A. An investiGATOR!

Q. What is yellow on the outside and gray on the inside?
A. A school bus full of elephants!

Q. What is smaller then a talking cat?
A. A spelling bee.

Q. Does a match box?
A. No, but a tin can!

Q. Why did the nose feel sad?
A. Because he always got picked on!

Q. What do you call a fairy that hasn't taken a bath?
A. STINKerbell.

Q. You have a candle, a stove, and a fireplace and a match. Which one would you light first?
A. The match!

Q. What kind of bagel can fly?
A. A plain bagel.

Q. If you are running in a race and you just passed the guy in second place what place are you in?
A. You are in second place!

Q. Why did the fish tell excuses?
A. To get off the hook!

Q. Why did the cat sit on the computer?
A. To keep an eye on the mouse.

Q. Where do birds go to school?
A. High school.

Q. What did the doctor say to the rocket ship?
A. "Time to get your booster shot!"

Q. What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A. A pouch potato.

Q. What is a volcano?
A. A mountain with hiccups!

Q. What did the frog order at the burger place?
A. French flies and a diet croak.

Q. What is a cow's favorite ice cream?
A. MOOnila!

Q. How do you spell mousetrap with ONLY three letters?
A. C-A-T!

Q. What is in and out, big and small, short and tall, up and down, and all around?
A. Life and time.

Q. How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
A. Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?!

Q. Why did the starfish breakup with the lobster?
A. Because he was SHELLfish.

Q. What did the skeleton say before a meal?
A. Bone appetite!

Q. Can February March?
A. No, but April May.

Q. How did Burger King propose to his girlfriend?
A. With an onion ring.

Q. Why didn't the Dallas Cowboys want to beat the Denver Broncos in a game?
A. Because they needed a ride home!

Q. Why did the coach go to the bank?
A. To get his quarterback.

Q. What do you call an Italian cow that likes coffee?
A. De-calf.

Q. How many sides does a circle have?
A. Two, inside and out.

Q. What happened to the frog's car when it got stuck?
A. It had to get TOAD away.

Q. Why did the Smartie go to school?
A. Because he wanted to be smarter.

Q. What kind of place should you never take a dog?
A. To the Flea Market.

Q. What did the plow say to the tractor?
A. "Pull me a little closer, John Deere."

Q. A duck, a cat and a cow went out to dinner, who had to pay?
A. The duck. He was the only one with a bill.

Q. Why was the Egyptian confused?
A. Because someone told him his daddy was a mummy!

Q. What is black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white and green?
A. Two skunks fighting over a pickle.

Q. Why did the orange wish he was wearing sunscreen?
A. He was starting to peel!

Q. What kind of bug goes Zzub Zzub?
A. A bumble bee flying backward!

Q. What did one raspberry say to the other on Valentine's Day?
A. "I love you berry much."

Q. If you see more of it, you see less of everything else. What is it?
A. Darkness.

Q. Why did the cow cross the road?
A. To get to the MOOvies.

Q. What did one burp say to the next?
A. Let's be stinkers and sneak out the back!

Q. What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder?
A. He got a little behind in his work!

Q. What do polar bears like to snack on?
A. Eskimo thighs.

Q. What kind of witch lives at the beach?
A. A sandwich.

Q. How do you make varnish disappear?
A. Take away the R!

Q. Why did the fish make such a good musician?
A. He knew his scales.

Q. What is always blue (sad) but always smiles?
A. A smurf.

Q. What fish can help you build a house?
A. A hammerhead shark.

Q. What do you get when you cross a sheep and a kangaroo?
A. A woolly jumper!

Q. When is the best time to buy budgies?
A. When they're going cheap.

Q. What did the skeleton say after dinner?
A. "Everything I eat goes right through me!"

Q. Which pillar is not used in a building?
A. A caterpillar.

Q. Where does a 600 pound gorilla sit?
A. Anywhere he wants!

Q. What kind of mail does a superstar vampire get?
A. Fang mail.

Q. Why did the boy lock himself in the fridge?
A. To make himself look cooler.

Q. Where do fish keep their money?
A. In the riverbank.

Q. What do you call a bell that can do gymnastics?
A. A flexi-bell.

Q. What animal never tells the truth?
A. A lion.

Q. What street does a vampire live on?
A. A dead end!

Q. Where do trees store their valuables?
A. In their trunk!

Q. Why did the man go off the cliff with his truck?
A. He wanted to test his air brakes.

Q. Why did the baby chick cross the road?
A. It was take-your-child-to-work day.

Q. What happens when you cross the tango and a waltz?
A. A wango!

Q. What tools do you need for math?
A. MultiPLIERS.

Q. What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
A. Pick them up and roll them back to her!

Q. Why did the cow eat the tight rope walker?
A. Because he wanted a balanced meal!

Q. There was a train with passengers inside. Suddenly the train crashed, where would the survivors be buried?
A. No where, they are the survivors!

Q. What has a tongue but can't talk?
A. A shoe!

Q. Why did the monkey cross the road?
A. Because the chicken retired.

Q. Why can't computers play tennis?
A. They try to surf the net.

Q. Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
A. The butcher was on the other side.

Q. What has a neck but can't swallow?
A. A bottle.

Q. What did the paper cowboy say to the pencil cowboy?
A. "Draw."

Q. Where are the most cows born?
A. COWlifornia.

Q. What do you get when you cross a clam, and a rabbit?
A. The oyster bunny!

Q. As I get older, I become shorter. What am I?
A. A pencil!

Q. Why didn't Batman and Robin go fishing?
A. Because Robin ate all the the worms.

Q. What do you call a chicken crossing the road?
A. Poultry in motion.

Q. Why don't they play cards in Africa?
A. There are too many Cheetahs!

Q. What does the pink panther do with his camera?
A. He takes PINKtures!

Q. Why didn't the class clown use hair oil the day before the big test?
A. Because he didn't want anything to slip his mind.

Q. What was Mr. Cow and Mrs. Cow's favorite time together?
A. When they went on their honeyMOOn.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To show the possums how it's done.

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