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Squigly's Riddles

We've got lots of funny riddles and jokes for you! By refreshing this page you will get another batch of riddles that will be sure to make you LOL! :D
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Riddles

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Q. Where do ghosts buy their food?
A. At the GHOSTery Store.

Q. Who in the solar system has the most loose change?
A. The moon, it keeps changing quarters.

Q. I'm at the beginning of eternity and the end of time and space. I'm at the beginning of every end and the end of every place. What am I?
A. The letter E!

Q. Why is a riddle like a joke?
A. It's no good without a point.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. Because she was getting tired of just standing there!

Q. Why did Tigger look in the bathroom?
A. To find Pooh!

Q. What has lots of teeth but can't chew a thing?
A. A comb!

Q. What has a tongue but can't talk?
A. A shoe!

Q. What do you call a bear who forgot his socks?
A. BEARfooted.

Q. Why did the baseball player get arrested?
A. Because he was caught stealing second base!

Q. What do you call a bear with no ears?
A. B.

Q. What did the calculator say to the other calculator?
A. "You can count on me!"

Q. 30 people are in a room, no way in, no way out. Don't ask me how they got in. Someone counted and they got 34-heads. How is that possible?
A. 30 foreheads!

Q. How many animals of each species did Moses take aboard the ark with him?
A. None, it was Noah's ark.

Q. What did the joey say to the turtle?
A. "I can take my home with me too."

Q. What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean?
A. Nothing, they just waved!

Q. Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A. Because they are always a little short!

Q. What kind of flower lives between your mouth and your chin?
A. Two-lips.

Q. What did one raspberry say to the other on Valentine's Day?
A. "I love you berry much."

Q. Sam, Lula, Mike, and Kayla all live in a house. Mike and Kayla went out to the movies and when they got back Lula was on the floor dead in a pile of broken glass and water. Sam was on the couch sleeping and didn't know what happened. How did Lula die?
A. Sam is a dog and Lula is a fish. Sam pushed over the fish bowl.

Q. What is a cow's favourite movie?
A. Moo-lan.

Q. What animal sleeps with its shoes on?
A. A horse.

Q. How do you make a goldfish age?
A. Take away the g in goldfish.

Q. There are 5 fish and 2 drown. How many are left?
A. Fish don't drown.

Q. What is black, white and red?
A. A panda with a rash!

Q. Why did the horse cross the road?
A. To get to the other NEIGH-bourhood.

Q. What do you call a flying jelly?
A. A jelly copter.

Q. What did the Malteeser want to be when it grew up?
A. A Smartie.

Q. Where do trees store their valuables?
A. In their trunk!

Q. Why did the turtle cross the street?
A. To get to the Shell station.

Q. How do you make a milk shake?
A. Give it a good scare!

Q. Mary's mum had three children. One was called April, the second was May. What was the name of the last one?
A. Mary!

Q. How do you make an octopus laugh?
A. Ten Tickles (Tentacles)!

Q. Why did the new boy steal a chair from the classroom?
A. Because the teacher told him to take a seat.

Q. What do you get when you mix a German Shepard and a giraffe?
A. A watch dog for the fifteenth floor!

Q. What is black and white and read all over?
A. A newspaper.

Q. Why don't ducks get letters?
A. Because they already have bills!

Q. What do you call fish with no eyes?
A. Fsh.

Q. Which mountain has never been climbed?
A. Mountain Dew!

Q. You have a candle, a stove, and a fireplace and a match. Which one would you light first?
A. The match!

Q. Why was the cumputer cold at night?
A. It forgot to close its windows.

Q. Why was the Egyptian confused?
A. Because someone told him his daddy was a mummy!

Q. How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?
A. You open the door and put the elephant in and then close the door.

Q. How do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator?
A. You open the door and take out the elephant and put the giraffe in, then close the door.

Q. The animals were having a meeting in the jungle. Who didn't come?
A. The giraffe, it was in the refrigerator.

Q. A man was hiking in the jungle. He came to a river. In the river lived alligators. How did the man cross the river?
A. He swam across, the alligators were at the meeting.

Q. What do you call a super hero who has lost his powers?
A. A super-zero.

Q. Why did the cow eat the tight rope walker?
A. Because he wanted a balanced meal!

Q. Why did the bank robber take a bath?
A. So he could make a clean getaway.

Q. What did the duck put in its soup?
A. Quackers.

Q. What do you call a person who studies happy parrots?
A. A jollypollyoligist!

Q. How come my uncle does not brush his hair?
A. Because he is bald.

Q. Where did the hamburgers go?
A. To the Meat Ball!

Q. Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A. To get to the other slide.

Q. Why can't computers play tennis?
A. They try to surf the net.

Q. Why did the frog cross the road?
A. Because he wanted to show his girlfriend he had guts.

Q. Which fish costs the most?
A. A gold fish!

Q. What always runs, never walks, often murmurs, never talks, has a bed but doesn't sleep, has a mouth but never eats?
A. A river!

Q. How do you get 6 donkeys into a fire engine?
A. Two in the front, two in the back and two on the top going, "He-haw, he-haw!"

Q. Why did the rooster cross the road?
A. Because he wasn't a chicken.

Q. Why couldn't the skeleton laugh?
A. Because he lost his funny bone.

Q. Why was the coach mad?
A. Because he wanted his quarterback.

Q. What did one NASCAR driver say to the other?
A. "Do you want to crash at my place tonight?"

Q. What animal never tells the truth?
A. A lion.

Q. What's red and mushy and is found between sharks teeth?
A. Slow swimmers.

Q. What has four legs, a tail, whiskers and cuts grass?
A. A lawn MEOW-er!

Q. Why did the star go to the bathroom?
A. It had to twinkle!

Q. What did the cow say to the other cow?
A. "MOOve over!"

Q. What kind of teacher passes gas?
A. A tutor!

Q. What do you call a pig that does karate?
A. Pork Chop!

Q. When is the best time to buy budgies?
A. When they're going cheap.

Q. The person who makes it sells it, the person who buys it never uses it, the person who is in it doesn't know it, what is it?
A. A coffin.

Q. Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
A. Because KFC was on the other side.

Q. Why didn't the bunny hop?
A. No bunny knows.

Q. What football team makes the most money?
A. The Buck-aneers.

Q. Why did the man stick his car in the stove?
A. He wanted a hot rod!

Q. What do you call two bananas?
A. A pair of slippers!

Q. A duck, a cat and a cow went out to dinner, who had to pay?
A. The duck. He was the only one with a bill.

Q. What does a hamburger name his daughter?
A. Patty.

Q. What rolls and jumps but never walks?
A. A soccer ball!

Q. What happened to the shark when he ate too many keys?
A. He turned into the Lock-ness monster.

Q. If the red house is in the left and the blue house is on the right, where is the white house ?
A. Washington DC.

Q. Why were the police suspicious of the window drapes?
A. They were shady.

Q. What is white when dirty and black when clean?
A. A blackboard.

Q. What do frogs drink?
A. Croak-a-cola.

Q. Where do New York City kids learn their multiplication tables?
A. Times Square.

Q. What room can't ghosts go in?
A. The LIVING room!

Q. What do you call a cat that eats lemons?
A. A sourpuss.

Q. What do you call a dark colored horse that really scares you?
A. A nightMARE!

Q. What did the scientist say to the hydrogen atom that claimed it lost an electron?
A. "Are you positive?"

Q. What does a polar bear use to keep his head warm?
A. A polar ice cap.

Q. What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
A. "I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand."

Q. Say milk five times really fast. Now, what do cows drink?
A. Water.

Q. What animal should you not play cards with?
A. A Cheetah!

Q. What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall?
A. Art.

Q. Why does a flamingo lift up one leg?
A. Because if he lifted up both legs it would fall down!

Q. What did the cannibal say after he ate a clown?
A. "That tasted funny!"

Q. You're stuck in a cement box, all you have is a mirror and a table, how do you get out?
A. You take the mirror, you see what you saw, grab the saw, cut the table in half, one half plus one half equals one whole, you take the hole put it in the wall and walk out.

Q. What happened when the computer geeks met?
A. It was love at first site!

Q. Why didn't the class clown use hair oil the day before the big test?
A. Because he didn't want anything to slip his mind.

Q. What do you call a football team with pigs?
A. Queens Pork Rangers.

Q. How much is the moon worth?
A. One dollar, because it has four quarters.

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