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Squigly's Riddles

We've got lots of funny riddles and jokes for you! By refreshing this page you will get another batch of riddles that will be sure to make you LOL! :D
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Riddles

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Q. A cowboy rode into town on Friday, stayed for 3 days and left on Friday. How did he do it?
A. His horse's name was Friday.

Q. Why do you never ask a dinosaur to read you a story?
A. Because their tales are so long.

Q. What is served on a table with gatherings of two or four, and is white and round?
A. A ping pong ball.

Q. What grows if you feed it but dies if it drinks?
A. Fire.

Q. If I did this equation, 23x45+27x99= What answer would I get?
A. A very big number!

Q. There are 2 cats, one is French and the other English. The French cat's name was Un Deux Trois and the English cat's name was One Two Three. Both cats think they're better than the other. To determine this they have a swimming contest. Which cat wins and why?
A. The English cat, because Un Deux Trois Quatre Cinq! (Un Deux Trois cat sank)

Q. Why did the farmer let his cows eat the tall grass?
A. Because it needed to get moooed! (Mowed)

Q. What time do you go to the dentist?
A. Tooth hurty!

Q. Why was the horse unable to get into the antelopes' music club?
A. He had no horns!

Q. What kind of shoes do mice like?
A. Squeakers!

Q. What does a hamburger name his daughter?
A. Patty.

Q. What is black, white and red all over?
A. An embarassed zebra!

Q. Where is the zombie's favorite room in the house?
A. The living room.

Q. Where are the most cows born?
A. COWlifornia.

Q. What did one NASCAR driver say to the other?
A. "Do you want to crash at my place tonight?"

Q. What did the sweaty octopus spend all his money on?
A. Underarm deodrant.

Q. Why did the cookie cry?
A. Because his mother was a wafer too long!

Q. What is black and white and read all over?
A. A newspaper.

Q. How do you make cool music?
A. Put your CD's in the fridge.

Q. What was Mr. Cow and Mrs. Cow's favorite time together?
A. When they went on their honeyMOOn.

Q. Why did the girl bring a ruler to bed with her?
A. She wanted to see how long she slept.

Q. What do you call a snail with no shell?
A. Homeless.

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Q. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced?
A. A buccaneer (A buck an ear)

Q. As I get older, I become shorter. What am I?
A. A pencil!

Q. Why do mushrooms like to tell jokes?
A. Because they're a fungi!

Q. What goes around and around but never gets dizzy?
A. Earth.

Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. "I've got a lot of problems."

Q. What has a head and a tail but no body?
A. A coin?

Q. What did the running ketchup said to the walking ketchup?
A. "Catch up!"

Q. Say milk five times really fast. Now, what do cows drink?
A. Water.

Q. Why couldn't the skeleton laugh?
A. Because he lost his funny bone.

Q. What happened to the frog's car when it got stuck?
A. It had to get TOAD away.

Q. Why did the teacher draw on the window?
A. Because he wanted his lesson to be very clear!

Q. What goes around the world but stays in the corner?
A. A stamp!

Q. What do you get when you cross a parrot and a caterpillar?
A. A walkie talkie.

Q. What did the tornado ask the car?
A. "Wanna go for a spin?"

Q. What did the man say to the butcher at the deli?
A. "I never sausage a place"

Q. Why did the girl take a ladder to school?
A. Because she thought it was a high school.

Q. How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?
A. You open the door and put the elephant in and then close the door.

Q. How do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator?
A. You open the door and take out the elephant and put the giraffe in, then close the door.

Q. The animals were having a meeting in the jungle. Who didn't come?
A. The giraffe, it was in the refrigerator.

Q. A man was hiking in the jungle. He came to a river. In the river lived alligators. How did the man cross the river?
A. He swam across, the alligators were at the meeting.

Q. Why can't a leopard hide?
A. Because he's always spotted!

Q. Why did the coach go to the bank?
A. To get his quarterback.

Q. What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A. A pouch potato.

Q. What did one burp say to the next?
A. Let's be stinkers and sneak out the back!

Q. What do you call a dog who wins a race?
A. A weiner.

Q. Why is a giraffe's neck so long?
A. Because their feet stink.

Q. Why couldn't the shipmates play cards?
A. The captain was sitting on the deck!

Q. What did the iPhone say to the other iPhone?
A. "It is nice to text you."

Q. What do you call a deaf dinosaur?
A. Anything you like, he can't hear you!

Q. Where did the boy take his pet pig to?
A. The Ham-usement park!

Q. What is black, white and red?
A. A panda with a rash!

Q. What is a shark's favourite food?
A. Fish and ships.

Q. What did the shark say when he bumped into a whale?
A. "I didn't do it on porpoise!" (purpose)

Q. Why did Tigger look in the bathroom?
A. To find Pooh!

Q. Why couldn't the girl finish her music homework?
A. Because she forgot her notebook!

Q. Why couldn't the dinosaur play games on the computer?
A. Because he ate the mouse.

Q. Why did the clock go to the principal's office?
A. For tocking too much!

Q. What two candies are the smartest?
A. Smarties and Nerds.

Q. There are 10 cats in a boat. One cat jumped out of the boat. How many cats were left?
A. None, they were all copycats.

Q. There is a restaurant that is shaped like an oval. Inside there are waiters, a chef, a hostess, and a janitor. The restaurant opens and later that night the lights go off. Then when the lights turn on everyone except the staff is dead. So, the next day an investigator comes and asks people what they where doing that night. He asked the waiters what they were doing and they said, "Serving customers."
He asked the chef, and the chef said, "He was cooking."
Then he asked the janitor and he said he was sweeping in the corners.
Who killed everyone?
A. The janitor, because there are no corners in a circular restaurant!

Q. A skunk, a frog and a duck wanted to go to the movies. The movies cost a dollar, which animal got to go?
A. The frog because it was the only one with a greenback.

Q. What question can a person ask all day long, getting a different answer each time, yet all the answers are correct?
A. What time is it?

Q. What is cute and cuddly and lives in your toilet?
A. Winnie the Pooh!

Q. What did the sick freight elevator say?
A. "I think I'm coming down with something."

Q. Why did the mushroom have so many friends?
A. Because he was a fungi!

Q. Where do you weigh whales?
A. At the whale-weigh station.

Q. Why was the voice teacher so good at baseball?
A. Because she had the perfect pitch.

Q. Why don't skeletons fight?
A. Because they don't have the guts!

Q. What sort of appliance does a monkey use?
A. A gorilla. (A griller)

Q. If you're Scottish when you go into the bathroom and you're Scottish when you go out of the bathroom, what are you when you're in the toilet?
A. European (you are peeing).

Q. Why did the tomato blush?
A. Because it saw the salad dressing!

Q. What is the hardest thing to hold that even the strongest person in the world has difficulty with?
A. Your breath.

Q. What do you call a jacket that is on fire?
A. A blazer!

Q. What did one raspberry say to the other on Valentine's Day?
A. "I love you berry much."

Q. How did Burger King propose to his girlfriend?
A. With an onion ring.

Q. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A. A gummy bear.

Q. What does a surprised iceberg say?
A. "Goodness Glacius!"

Q. How do you start a teddy bear race?
A. Ready, teddy, go!

Q. It is greater than God and more evil than devil. The poor have it. The rich need it and if you eat it you'll die. What is it?
A. Nothing!

Q. Why does Waldo wear stripes?
A. Because he doesn't want to be spotted!

Q. Why did the baby chick cross the road?
A. It was take-your-child-to-work day.

Q. Why did the cow cross the road?
A. To get to the MOOvies.

Q. Which animal is the oldest in the world?
A. The zebra because it's still black and white.

Q. What has a lot of keys but can't open doors?
A. A piano.

Q. What did the pig put on his rash?
A. OINKment!

Q. Why is the letter B so cool?
A. Because it is in between A C!

Q. Can February March?
A. No, but April May.

Q. How do you stop a dog from barking in the back seat of your car?
A. Have him sit in front with you.

Q. What do you call a bunny with fleas?
A. Bugs Bunny.

Q. Why do cows wear bells?
A. Because their horns don't work!

Q. What has hands but no arms?
A. A clock.

Q. What do you call a reptile that sings?
A. A RAPtile!

Q. Which building has the most stories?
A. Library!

Q. What's big, grey and has red spots?
A. An elephant with chicken pox!

Q. Imagine you are in a metal box. There is no way of getting out. You have no tools or food. How do you get out and survive?
A. You stop imagining!

Q. What do birds get when they are ill?
A. TWEETment.

Q. Which wolf got lost in the woods?
A. The WHEREwolf.

Q. If athletes get athletes foot then what do astronauts get?
A. Missle-toe.

Q. Why did the baseball player get arrested?
A. Because he was caught stealing second base!

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