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Squigly's Riddles

We've got lots of funny riddles and jokes for you! By refreshing this page you will get another batch of riddles that will be sure to make you LOL! :D
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Riddles

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Q. Where do you get draggin' milk?
A. From a cow with short legs.

Q. How come my uncle does not brush his hair?
A. Because he is bald.

Q. What did the cannibal say after he ate a clown?
A. "That tasted funny!"

Q. Why did the policeman stay in bed?
A. Because he was an undercover cop.

Q. How do you wrap a cloud?
A. With a rainbow.

Q. Why did the whale laugh?
A. Because he saw the sea's bottom.

Q. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A. An investiGATOR!

Q. What does the Invisible Man drink at snack time?
A. Evaporated milk.

Q. What do you give a sick lemon?
A. Lemon-AID!

Q. What did the bread say to the knife?
A. "Don't try to butter me up."

Q. What is smaller then a talking cat?
A. A spelling bee.

Q. Why do you never ask a dinosaur to read you a story?
A. Because their tales are so long.

Q. Which day is mostly avoided by fish?
A. FRYday!

Q. Why did the farmer let his cows eat the tall grass?
A. Because it needed to get moooed! (Mowed)

Q. What can you call a math teacher?
A. A ruler.

Q. What do you call a 100-year-old ant?
A. ANT-ique.

Q. There is a black house, grey house, red house, yellow house, green house and brown house. What colour house does President Obama live in?
A. The White House!

Q. How do you make varnish disappear?
A. Take away the R!

Q. What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A. A pouch potato.

Q. What do you get if you cross a cow and a camel?
A. A lumpy milkshake!

Q. What does a surprised iceberg say?
A. "Goodness Glacius!"

Q. Why don't ducks get letters?
A. Because they already have bills!

Q. What's the difference between a train and a teacher?
A. The teacher says, "Spit your gum out" and the train says, "Choo-choo!"

Q. I am found on land and in the sea but I don't walk or swim. I travel by foot but I'm toeless. No matter where I go I'm never far from home. Who am I?
A. A snail.

Q. What animal never tells the truth?
A. A lion.

Q. What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean?
A. Nothing, they just waved!

Q. What dog keeps the best time?
A. A watch-dog.

Q. If a man was born in Spain, raised in Russia, grew old in Greece and died in America, what is he?
A. Dead.

Q. What do you get when you cross a bird, a car, and a dog?
A. A flying carpet.

Q. What is a dog that sneezes?
A. Achoowawa!

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher with a tiger?
A. I don't know but you better behave in its class!

Q. Which letter comes once in a minute, twice in a millennium but never in thousand years?
A. The letter M.

Q. Why was 10 afraid of 9?
A. Because 9 8 7!

Q. What kind of dog can jump higher than a skyscraper?
A. Any dog, skyscrapers can't jump.

Q. What is a bird's favorite treat?
A. Twix!

Q. Tall in the morning, short at noon, gone at night but I'll be back soon. What am I?
A. A shadow!

Q. You're stuck in a cement box, all you have is a mirror and a table, how do you get out?
A. You take the mirror, you see what you saw, grab the saw, cut the table in half, one half plus one half equals one whole, you take the hole put it in the wall and walk out.

Q. What part of a fish weighs the most?
A. Its scales.

Q. What did the student say after the teacher said, "Order students, order?"
A. "Can I have fries and a burger?"

Q. Why did the elephant cross the road?
A. Because it was the chicken's day off.

Q. What kind of bird uses ink to write?
A. A PEN-guin!

Q. What kind of murderer has fibre?
A. A cereal killer.

Q. What is an astronaut's favorite key on the keyboard?
A. The space bar!

Q. Which country is the slipperiest?
A. Greece!

Q. Why couldn't the bike stand up on it's own?
A. Because it was two-tired!

Q. What do bananas do when they get a sunburn?
A. They peel.

Q. What does a tree drink?
A. Root beer!

Q. What did the Malteeser want to be when it grew up?
A. A Smartie.

Q. Where does the word done come before start?
A. In the dictionary!

Q. If a very small fish married a young dog, what would their baby be called?
A. A guppy puppy.

Q. If you are running in a race and you just passed the guy in second place what place are you in?
A. You are in second place!

Q. What do ghosts say to one another to show that they care?
A. "I love BOO!"

Q. What 4 letters scare a thief?
A. O I C U (Oh...I see you.)

Q. You are dreaming. A monster comes up to you and takes you away. He puts you in an oven and turns it on. Any moment he will be eating you. What should you do?
A. Pinch yourself.

Q. What did the firefly say to the other firefly?
A. "You glow, girl!"

Q. Why did the lamb go to the river?
A. To get a BAA-th!

Q. What room can't ghosts go in?
A. The LIVING room!

Q. Why was the coach mad?
A. Because he wanted his quarterback.

Q. What do you say in the evening to a soldier in shining armor?
A. Night, night, Knight.

Q. What is black and white and read all over?
A. A newspaper.

Q. How can a rose ride a bike?
A. It uses its petals!

Q. What do you call a dancing ant?
A. A dANTcer!

Q. What did the bee say when he returned to the hive?
A. "Honey, I'm home!"

Q. Why did the cow go to Hollywood?
A. She wanted to be a movie star.

Q. What is a popular search engine for ghosts?
A. GHOULgle!

Q. What always runs, never walks, often murmurs, never talks, has a bed but doesn't sleep, has a mouth but never eats?
A. A river!

Q. Where does a 600 pound gorilla sit?
A. Anywhere he wants!

Q. Why did the man go off the cliff with his truck?
A. He wanted to test his air brakes.

Q. Why did the baker stop making doughnuts?
A. He was annoyed with the HOLE business.

Q. What do you call a deer that makes money?
A. A buck!

Q. What happens when an Egyptian prince's daddy dies?
A. His daddy becomes a mummy.

Q. Why is Cinderella a bad football player?
A. Because she has a pumpkin as a coach!

Q. What pet does everybody have?
A. A carPET!

Q. What gets wetter as it dries?
A. A towel!

Q. What kind of bug goes Zzub Zzub?
A. A bumble bee flying backward!

Q. What's big, grey and has red spots?
A. An elephant with chicken pox!

Q. Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her roller blades on?
A. Because she wanted to rock and roll.

Q. Why did the rooster cross the road?
A. Because he wasn't a chicken.

Q. What is grey, has a tail and a trunk?
A. A mouse going on a vacation.

Q. What has a thousand legs, a long neck but no head?
A. A broom.

Q. What is a dentist's favourite game?
A. Tooth or Dare!

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. Because he was tired of living beside KFC!

Q. Where is the best place to leave a dog when you go to a ball game?
A. In the barking lot.

Q. Imagine you are in a boat. You were being circled by sharks. One shark is about to bite you. What should you do?
A. Stop imagining!

Q. What object is king of the classroom?
A. The ruler!

Q. What is a cow's favourite drink?
A. MOO Juice.

Q. What's black and white and red all over?
A. A sunburned zebra!

Q. What do you call a break up between a boy and a girl banana?
A. A banana split.

Q. Which month has 28 days?
A. All of them, of course!

Q. What do you give a frog at a hospital?
A. A HOPeration!

Q. What do you call a crab that will not share?
A. A selfish. (Shellfish)

Q. What happened when the computer geeks met?
A. It was love at first site!

Q. What did the frog order at the burger place?
A. French flies and a diet croak.

Q. If you're Scottish when you go into the bathroom and you're Scottish when you go out of the bathroom, what are you when you're in the toilet?
A. European (you are peeing).

Q. Where do dogs go when they lose their tail?
A. To the reTAIL store.

Q. Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
A. Because he wanted to see his flat mate!

Q. What disappears when you turn the light on?
A. The dark!

Q. What is black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white and green?
A. Two skunks fighting over a pickle.

Q. What do you call an an ant sticking out of the ground?
A. A plANT!

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