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Squigly's Riddles

We've got lots of funny riddles and jokes for you! By refreshing this page you will get another batch of riddles that will be sure to make you LOL! :D
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Riddles

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Q. How do you cure a headache?
A. Put your head through the window and the pane will go!

Q. What do you call a person with a tree for a briefcase?
A. A branch manager.

Q. Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?
A. Because when you add four and four you get ate (eight).

Q. Why did the tightrope walker visit the bank?
A. He wanted to get his balance!

Q. Why were the police suspicious of the window drapes?
A. They were shady.

Q. What is white, black and red all over?
A. An embarrassed penguin.

Q. Which fish costs the most?
A. A gold fish!

Q. What do dogs have that other animal don't have?
A. Puppies.

Q. How do you catch a school of fish?
A. With a bookworm.

Q. How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?
A. Rock-it.

Q. Say milk five times really fast. Now, what do cows drink?
A. Water.

Q. Three ladies are under a small umbrella. None of them got wet. How did they do it?
A. It wasn't raining!

Q. How do you stop a mouse from squealing?
A. Oil it.

Q. What do you call a chicken crossing the road?
A. Poultry in motion.

Q. Why was the Egyptian confused?
A. Because someone told him his daddy was a mummy!

Q. Which letter comes once in a minute, twice in a millennium but never in thousand years?
A. The letter M.

Q. Which one is faster, hot or cold?
A. Hot. You can catch cold!

Q. How come a cheetah can't play hide and seek?
A. Because he's already been spotted.

Q. Why did Tigger look in the bathroom?
A. To find Pooh!

Q. What do you get when you cross a clam, and a rabbit?
A. The oyster bunny!

Q. What room can't ghosts go in?
A. The LIVING room!

Q. What's black when you get it, red when you use it and white when you're finished?
A. Charcoal.

Q. What devours everything and everything devours it?
A. Time.

Q. Why did the hot dog wear a sweater?
A. Because it was a chili dog!

Q. What do you get when you cross a bird, a car, and a dog?
A. A flying carpet.

Q. What kind of mail does a superstar vampire get?
A. Fang mail.

Q. Why did the newspaper blush?
A. Because he saw the comic strip.

Q. What's a computer geek's favourite snack?
A. Microchips.

Q. What did the sea say to the shore?
A. Nothing, it just waved.

Q. What do people have in common with a math book?
A. We've all got a lot of problems!

Q. What is the difference between a cat that got photocopied and a cat that follows you?
A. One is a cat copy, the other is a copy cat.

Q. What did the happy slice of cheese say to the sad slice of cheese?
A. "Aw, it will be okay! Everything is GOUDA!"

Q. Where does a 600 pound gorilla sit?
A. Anywhere he wants!

Q. If chickens get up when the rooster crows, when do ducks get up?
A. At the quack of dawn!

Q. What kind of monkey can fly?
A. A hot air BABOON!

Q. What did one NASCAR driver say to the other?
A. "Do you want to crash at my place tonight?"

Q. What do dogs and trees have in common?
A. Bark.

Q. Why did the baseball player get arrested?
A. Because he was caught stealing second base!

Q. How do you catch a rabbit?
A. Make a noise like a carrot.

Q. If a man was born in Spain, raised in Russia, grew old in Greece and died in America, what is he?
A. Dead.

Q. There are 30 white horses on a red hill. They stomp, chomp and they stop. What are they?
A. Your teeth.

Q. What kind of fish goes great with peanut butter?
A. Jellyfish.

Q. Where do trees store their valuables?
A. In their trunk!

Q. What did the paper cowboy say to the pencil cowboy?
A. "Draw."

Q. Why did the strawberry cross the road?
A. Because his mom was in a jam!

Q. Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
A. Because he wanted to see his flat mate!

Q. Why don't ducks tell jokes when they are flying?
A. Because they just might quack up.

Q. Why is Cinderella a bad football player?
A. Because she has a pumpkin as a coach!

Q. What rolls and jumps but never walks?
A. A soccer ball!

Q. Why did the kid run to school?
A. Because he was chased by the spelling bee.

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Q. Why did the skeleton go to the barbecue?
A. To get a spare rib .

Q. You're stuck in a cement box, all you have is a mirror and a table, how do you get out?
A. You take the mirror, you see what you saw, grab the saw, cut the table in half, one half plus one half equals one whole, you take the hole put it in the wall and walk out.

Q. What dog keeps the best time?
A. A watch-dog.

Q. Why was the math book unhappy?
A. Because he had too many problems!

Q. What's invisible and smells like carrots?
A. Bunny toots!

Q. What happened when the teacher tied all the kids shoe laces together?
A. They had a class trip!

Q. What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
A. Bacon and legs!

Q. What kind of teacher passes gas?
A. A tutor!

Q. What do you get when you cross a ball and a cat?
A. A fur ball.

Q. Where do horses go when they are sick?
A. HORSEpital.

Q. Why couldn't the shipmates play cards?
A. The captain was sitting on the deck!

Q. What did the pig put on his rash?
A. OINKment!

Q. Why did the clock go to the principal's office?
A. For tocking too much!

Q. What can you throw but not catch?
A. A fit!

Q. Why did the new boy steal a chair from the classroom?
A. Because the teacher told him to take a seat.

Q. How did the teacher knit a suit of armor?
A. She used steel wool!

Q. Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A. Because 7 8 9!

Q. What kind of place should you never take a dog?
A. To the Flea Market.

Q. What is a volcano?
A. A mountain with heartburn!

Q. Did you hear about the man who plugged his electric blanket into the toaster?
A. He kept popping out of bed all night!

Q. What is a parrot's favorite food on the 4th of July?
A. Fire crackers!

Q. What do you do when your fish is off?
A. You tune it up!

Q. Which month has 28 days?
A. All of them, of course!

Q. What do you call a cat that eats lemons?
A. A sourpuss.

Q. Why did the frog cross the road?
A. Because he wanted to show his girlfriend he had guts.

Q. Why did the cat sit on the computer?
A. To keep an eye on the mouse.

Q. Why did the starfish breakup with the lobster?
A. Because he was SHELLfish.

Q. What do you get when you cross a star and a gun?
A. A shooting star!

Q. What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
A. "You're way too young to smoke."

Q. If there was a spelling test, which animal would win?
A. The bee!

Q. Why didn't the Dallas Cowboys want to beat the Denver Broncos in a game?
A. Because they needed a ride home!

Q. Which tree doesn't play checkers?
A. The Chestnut.

Q. What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
A. "I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand."

Q. What did the calculator say to the other calculator?
A. "You can count on me!"

Q. Why did the TV go out with the heater?
A. Because he thought she was hot!

Q. What do you call a bell that can do gymnastics?
A. A flexi-bell.

Q. What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder?
A. He got a little behind in his work!

Q. What is black and white and read all over?
A. A newspaper.

Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.

Q. Where do pencils come from?

A. Pennsylvania.

Q. What do you call a snail with no shell?
A. A slug.

Q. What did the red sock say to the white sock?
A. "Let's play ball."

Q. Why did the leopard refuse to take a bath?
A. It didn't want to come out spotless.

Q. What has a thousand legs, a long neck but no head?
A. A broom.

Q. What is a cow's favourite movie?
A. Moo-lan.

Q. What does Frankenstein's wife wear on her face to keep it smooth?
A. MONSTERizer!

Q. There are 5 fish and 2 drown. How many are left?
A. Fish don't drown.

Q. Why did the cow go to Hollywood?
A. She wanted to be a movie star.

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