There were two fish called 1 and 2. If 1 dies I still have 2. (:
Borat, age 5
A women is driving to Disney World when she sees a sign that says: Disney World Left. So she turned around and went home.
Soles, age 11, USA
There were three girls trapped in the desert. They had to walk to safety.
The first was carrying a water bottle in case she got thirsty. The second girl was carrying a bag of chips in case she got hungry and the third was lugging a car door so she could roll down the window when she got hot.
Kaylin
Two muffins were in a oven and one muffin said, "Woo, it's hot in here!" The other muffin said, "Ah, a talking muffin!"
Boss, age 9, USA
Teacher: Can you count to 20 please?
Student: I don't know how, but I can count to 10 two times!
Daniyal, age 9, England
Dog: I bet I am smarter than you.
Cat: Oh ya?
Dog: Yup.
Cat: Then spell cat backwards
Dog: Fine.
Dog: T-A-C
Cat: Wrong, its C-A-T B-A-C-K-W-A-R-D-S
Dog: But...
Cat: Told you cats are smarter than dogs!
Savannah, age 12, USA
Snake 1: Are we poisonous?
Snake 2: I don't know, why?
Snake 1: I just bit my tongue!
Alexis, age 19, USA
Tongue twister: I bit a bit of bitter pita bread.
Bryan, Australia
A lady had surgery done and while she was sedated she saw God. She said, "God, will I die?"
He said, "N,o you have 5 more years to live."
So while she was still in the hospital she got some plastic surgery done.
When she was released from the hospital she immediately got hit by a bus. When she went arrived in heaven she said, "I thought I had 5 more years to live?!"
"You did, but I didn't recognize you." Replied God.
Amya , age 10, USA
There was a duck and he went into a drug store store and asked, "Do you have any grapes?"
"No," replied the sales clerk.
The next day the duck went into the drug store store and asked, "Do you have any grapes?"
"No," replied the sales clerk.
This went on for several days until finally the sales clerk had had enough. The next morning the duck came in and asked, "Do you have any grapes?"
"No and if you come in here again asking for grapes I'll nail your feet to the counter," responded the angry sales clerk.
The next day, in waddles the duck. "Got any nails?"
"No."
"Good, do you have any grapes?" Asked the duck.
Amber, age 11, USA
Amanda: There are two guys on the road, Inch Me and Pinch Me. If Inch Me jumps off a cliff, who is left?
Mya: Pinch Me.
Amanda: Sure.
Mya: Ouch!!!
Mya and Amanda, ages 9 & 8, USA
There was a man and he met another man with 1,000,000 bricks. He said, "I will pay you $1,000,000 if you build me a house using all the bricks, not one brick is to be left over."
The man agreed and got to work. When he was done he saw he had one brick leftover and he saw the other man coming. So he threw the brick up in the air! That's it.
Now start this joke.
There were two people on a plane. One had cigar and the other had a yappy dog. The woman with the dog hated the cigar and the man with the cigar hated the dog. They made a deal to throw the dog and the cigar out the window. Five minutes after throwing the dog out, they saw it sitting on the wing of the plane and guess what it had in its mouth? The brick from the last joke!
Tori, age 10, USA
Peat and Repeat were on a boat, Pete fell out who's left?
Repeat.
Peat and Repeat were on a boat, Pete fell out who's left?
Repeat.
Peat and Repeat were on a boat...
Catrina, age 14, USA
Jeff: I saw the latest film last week.
Tom: Did it have a happy ending?
Jeff: Sure, when it ended everyone was delighted!
Dilakshi, age 13, Sri Lanka
Sam: Why are you screaming and shouting?
Tim: Because you are stepping on my foot!
Dilakshi, age 13, Sri Lanka
Teacher: Is this your paper? The name is illegible!
Student: It's not mine then, my name is Johnson.
Dilakshi, age 13, Sri Lanka
Lima: I wonder what life would have been like 200 years ago?
Jill: History lessons would have been shorter!
Dilakshi, age 13, Sri Lanka
Julia: What did the alien say to the puzzle?
Bob: I don't know!
Julia: I come in peace, you come in pieces!
Brit, age 7, USA
A pony walks into a dentist and says, "My throat hurts."
The dentist says, "Well maybe that's because you're a little horse."
Jasmine, age 15, USA
How do you know if an idiot is really dumb? Give him a rock and tell him to throw it at the ground, if he misses, well you get the picture =D
Morgan, age 12, USA
There were 3 little alien dudes in a little green spaceship. All of a the sudden they crashed on earth. The first little dude was purple, the second, green and the third, blue. The little purple dude walked into an opera house and heard, "Mi, mi, mi," and he couldn't stop saying, "Mi, mi, mi."
The little green dude walked into the Purple Cow Restaurant and heard, "Fork and knife." Sure enough those words got stuck in his memory.
The little purple dude walked into a candy shop and heard, "Goody, goody, gum drops." So the little purple began saying, "Goody, goody, gum drops."
On the way back to the spaceship, a policeman stopped them and said, "There has been a murder and, since you are new to this town, I think you did it. Which one of you did it?”
The little blue dude said, "Mi, mi, mi."
The policeman said, "With what?"
The little green dude said, "Fork and knife."
The policeman said, "I’m sorry but you’re going to jail."
The little purple dude said, "Goody, goody, gum drops!"
Mya, age 11, USA
My mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her out of the boat. I said, "Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim."
Paula, age 10, Australia
One bright day in the middle of the night
two dead boys got up to fight
Back to back they faced each other
Drew their swords and shot each other
The
deaf policeman heard the noise
and came and shot those two dead boys
If you don't believe this lie is true
Ask the blind man, he saw it too.
Cody , age 15, USA
Leona: Is your refrigerator running?
Cathy: Yes.
Leona: Then you'd better go catch it!
Leona, age 9, USA
