Q. What money do dogs and cats have?
A. Kitty cash and doggy dollars.
Q. Sam, Lula, Mike, and Kayla all live in a house. Mike and Kayla went out to the movies and when they got back Lula was on the floor dead in a pile of broken glass and water. Sam was on the couch sleeping and didn't know what happened. How did Lula die?
A. Sam is a dog and Lula is a fish. Sam pushed over the fish bowl.
Q. How did the dog get splinters in his tongue?
A. He ate table scraps.
Q. What's the difference between a dog and a flea?
A. A dog can have fleas, but a flea can't have dogs.
Q. If H20 is inside of the fire hydrant, what's on the outside?
Q. What do you get when you cross a bird, a car, and a dog?
A. A flying carpet.
Q. What kind of dog can jump higher than a skyscraper?
A. Any dog, skyscrapers can't jump.
Q. What kind of place should you never take a dog?
A. To the Flea Market.
Q. What dog loves to take a shower?
A. A shamPOODLE.
Q. What do you call a dog who always knows the time?
A. A watchdog!
Q. What do dogs eat for breakfast?
A. POOCHed eggs and BARKen.
Q. What dog keeps the best time?
A. A watch-dog.
Q. What do dogs have that other animal don't have?
Q. Why did the dog get a pedicure?
A. Because his feet were RUFF!
Q. What do you call a dog who wins a race?
A. A weiner.
Q. Why was the skeleton scared to cross the road?
A. Because there was a dog on the other side.
Q. What do you get when you cross a dog and a rose?
A. A collie-flower!
Q. Where is the best place to leave a dog when you go to a ball game?
A. In the barking lot.
Q. What do you get when you cross a ghost, a dog and a rooster?
A. A cockatoo!
Q. What do you get when you mix a German Shepard and a giraffe?
A. A watch dog for the fifteenth floor!
Q. Why was the dog sitting next to the fire?
A. He was a hotdog!
Q. Why are skeletons afraid of dogs?
A. Because dogs love bones!
Q. What do you get when you cross a hot dog and Halloween?
A. A Hallo-weenie!
Q. Why did the dog stay out of the sun?
A. So he wouldn't be a hotdog.
Q. Why shouldn't you go outside if it's raining cats and dogs?
A. Because you might step in a poodle!
Q. Why did the hot dog wear a sweater?
A. Because it was a chili dog!
Q. How do you stop a dog from barking in the back seat of your car?
A. Have him sit in front with you.
Q. What's better than a talking dog?
A. A spelling bee!
Q. What do you get when you cross a hammock and a dog?
A. A rocker spaniel.
Q. What do you get if you cross a dino and a dog?
A. A dog a sore!
Pooch your arms around me baby!
Not bow who, bow wow!
How will we get away from that mean dog?
Give the pup a cookie!
Ken you walk the dog for me?
There were three male dogs, a Golden Retriever, a Lab, and Chihuahua, walking down the street. On their walk, they met a beautiful French Poodle. They all ran up to the poodle. The poodle says to the three dogs, "Since you all want to marry me, whoever can say liver and cheese in a complete sentence will get to marry me."
The Golden Retriever says, "I love liver and cheese."
The poodle replied, "How childish"
The Lab says, "I hate liver and cheese."
"You're hopeless," said the poodle.
The Chihuahua says, "Liver alone, cheese mine."