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Christmas Jokes

Why was Santa late for Christmas? He couldn't stop reading Squigy's Christmas jokes! Here's our collection of the best Chrismtas riddles, Chrismtas knock knock jokes and Christmas jokes ever! We know these jokes will make you LOL! :D


Riddles

Q. What goes in a chimney red and comes out of it black?
A. Santa Claus.

Q. What do you get if you cross Santa and a dog?
A. Santa Paws!

Q. What does Santa say in a race?
A. "Ready, set, HO!"

Q. How long should a reindeer's legs be?
A. Just long enough to reach the ground!

Q. What is invisible and smells like milk and cookies?
A. Santa's burps!

Q. Why did Sponge Bob have a great Christmas?
A. Because he kissed Krabby Patty.

Q. What's Santa's favourite candy?
A. Jolly Ranchers!

Q. What do you get when you cross a cat with Santa Claus?
A. Santa-Claws!

Q. What two countries should the chef use when he's making Christmas dinner?
A. Turkey and Greece.

Q. Which of Santa's reindeer has bad manners?
A. Rude-olph!

Q. What do you get if you cross mistletoe and a duck?
A. A Christmas Quacker.

Q. Why does Rudolph have a red nose?
A. Because he sneezes a lot!

Q. How do you scare a snowman?
A. You get a hairdryer!

Q. What did the reindeer say when he saw an elf?
A. Nothing, reindeer can't talk.

Q. Who says "Oh, Oh, Oh!"?
A. Santa walking backwards!

Q. How did the sheep say Merry Christmas?
A. "Fleece Avoided."

Q. What did the ghost say to Santa Claus?
A. "I'll have a boo Christmas without you."

Q. Why does Santa have three gardens?
A. So he can go HOE HOE HOE.

Q. What do you call Santa when he goes down a chimney with a fire at the bottom?
A. Krisp Cringle.

Q. What says, "Now you see me, now you don't, now you see me, now you don't?"
A. A snowman on a cross walk!

Q. What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
A. The Christmas alphabet has NOEL!

Q. Why are there only snowmen and not snowwomen?
A. Because only men would stand out in the snow without a coat.

Q. What did the gingerbread man find on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet!

Q. What do you get if you cross an apple and a Christmas tree?
A. Pineapple.

Q. What kind of bug hates Christmas?
A. A humbug.

Q. Why are Christmas trees such bad knitters?
A. They are always dropping their needles.

Q. What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A. A puddle!

Q. What Christmas carol is a favourite of parents?
A. Silent Night.

Q. What do cows say at Christmas?
A. MOOey Christmas!

Q. What do you get when you eat Christmas decorations?
A. Tinsilitis!

Knock knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gladis
Gladis who?
Gladis not me who got coal this Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow use. I forgot my name again!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ho, Ho, Ho
Ho, Ho, Ho who?
Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas to you!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Santa
Santa who?
Santa Clause!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary and Abbey
Mary and Abbey who?
Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Sandy
Sandy who?
Sandy Claus!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary
Mary who?
Merry Christmas!

Jokes

They say in the first part in the song Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer there are only 8 reindeer but there are really 12. First there is Rudolf, of course. Then there is Olive, Olive the other reindeer. Then there is Howe, and Howe the reindeer loved him. Then there is Andy, Andy shouted out with glee. There are 12 reindeer in all.
 

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offence," said the judge.
"It is if you do it before the shops are open," countered the prosecutor.
 

Santa Claus: What's that terrible racket outside?
Mrs. Claus: It's rain deer.
 

The TV game show was really close. One contestant was asked to name 2 of Santa's reindeer. The contestant gave a sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question, "Rudolph and Olive!"
The host asked the contestant, "We'll accept Rudolph but can you explain Olive?"
The man looked at the host and said, "You know, 'Olive,' the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."
 

Father Christmas' sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, "Can you give me a hand?"
"Sorry," the motorist replied. "I'm not a mechanic, I'm a chiropodist."
"Well, can you give me a toe?"
 

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