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Squigly's Christmas Jokes, Riddles and Knock Knock Jokes

Why was Santa late for Christmas? He couldn't stop reading Squigy's Christmas jokes! Here's our collection of the best Chrismtas riddles, knock knock jokes and jokes ever! If you'd like to see more just refresh the page. We know these jokes will make you LOL! :D

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Riddles

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Q. What does Santa clean his sleigh with?
A. Comet.

Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A. Frosted Flakes.

Q. What is the cleanest reindeer called?
A. Comet.

Q. What goes in a chimney red and comes out of it black?
A. Santa Claus.

Q. What is invisible and smells like milk and cookies?
A. Santa's burps!

Q. What do cows say at Christmas?
A. MOOey Christmas!

Q. What did the monkey sing on Christmas day?
A. Jungle bells, Jungle bells...

Q. What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A. A puddle!

Q. What's white, red and blue at Christmas time?
A. A sad candy cane!

Q. Why are there only snowmen and not snowwomen?
A. Because only men would stand out in the snow without a coat.

Q. What do you get when you eat Christmas decorations?
A. Tinsilitis!

Q. What do you get when you cross a cat with Santa Claus?
A. Santa-Claws!

Q. What says, "Now you see me, now you don't, now you see me, now you don't?"
A. A snowman on a cross walk!

Q. Why is Santa so good at karate?
A. Because he has a black belt!

Q. Why are Christmas trees such bad knitters?
A. They are always dropping their needles.

Q. How do you scare a snowman?
A. You get a hairdryer!

Q. Why did the elf go to school?
A. To learn his ELFabet.

Q. Why did the candy cane cross the road?
A. Because it wanted to get a licking!

Q. Why did Sponge Bob have a great Christmas?
A. Because he kissed Krabby Patty.

Q. What's red and white, red and white, red and white?
A. Santa Claus rolling down the hill.

Q. Which of Santa's reindeer has bad manners?
A. Rude-olph!

Q. Who gives presents to baby sharks?
A. Santa Jaws.

Q. What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
A. An ice burger with chili sauce.

Q. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
A. Nothing, it was on the house!

Q. What do call Santa when he stops moving?
A. Santa Pause!

Q. What is a reindeer's favorite instrument?
A. Horns!

Q. What does Santa say in a race?
A. "Ready, set, HO!"

Q. What did the ghost say to Santa Claus?
A. "I'll have a boo Christmas without you."

Q. What two countries should the chef use when he's making Christmas dinner?
A. Turkey and Greece.

Q. What is green, white, and red all over?
A. A sunburnt elf.

Q. What does a cat in the dessert have in common with Christmas?
A. Sandy claws.

Q. Where does a snowman keep his money?
A. In a snow bank.

Q. What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked in the sky?
A. "Looks like rain, dear."

Q. What's a good holiday tip?
A. Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.

Q. Why was Santa's helper depressed?
A. He had low ELF-esteem.

Q. Did you hear about the cracker's Christmas party?
A. It was a BANG!

Q. What did the reindeer say when he saw an elf?
A. Nothing, reindeer can't talk.

Q. What is big, red and flies in the sky?
A. Santa Claus.

Q. Where did Santa Claus go for vacation?
A. Santa Cruz.

Q. What's white and red and goes up and down and up and down?
A. Santa Claus in an elevator!

Q. Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
A. Because he wanted to sleep like a log!

Q. What flies when it's born, lies when it's alive, and runs when it's dead?
A. Snow.

Q. What do you get if you cross mistletoe and a duck?
A. A Christmas Quacker.

Q. What's black and white and red all over?
A. Santa covered with chimney soot.

Q. What nationality is Santa Claus?
A. North Polish.

Q. What kind of bug hates Christmas?
A. A humbug.

Q. What do snowmen do on Christmas?
A. Play with the snow angels.

Q. How did the sheep say Merry Christmas?
A. "Fleece Avoided."

Q. How do you know when Santa's in the room?
A. You can sense his presents.

Q. What do you get if you cross Santa Claus with a duck?
A. A Christmas Quacker!

Knock knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow use. I forgot my name again!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Irish
Irish who?
Irish you a Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary
Mary who?
Mary Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary and Abbey
Mary and Abbey who?
Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gladis
Gladis who?
Gladis not me who got coal this Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ho, Ho, Ho
Ho, Ho, Ho who?
Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas to you!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Sandy
Sandy who?
Sandy Claus!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Santa
Santa who?
Santa Clause!

Jokes

The TV game show was really close. One contestant was asked to name 2 of Santa's reindeer. The contestant gave a sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question, "Rudolph and Olive!"
The host asked the contestant, "We'll accept Rudolph but can you explain Olive?"
The man looked at the host and said, "You know, 'Olive,' the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."
 

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offence," said the judge.
"It is if you do it before the shops are open," countered the prosecutor.
 

They say in the first part in the song Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer there are only 8 reindeer but there are really 12. First there is Rudolf, of course. Then there is Olive, Olive the other reindeer. Then there is Howe, and Howe the reindeer loved him. Then there is Andy, Andy shouted out with glee. There are 12 reindeer in all.
 

Santa Claus: What's that terrible racket outside?
Mrs. Claus: It's rain deer.
 

Father Christmas' sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, "Can you give me a hand?"
"Sorry," the motorist replied. "I'm not a mechanic, I'm a chiropodist."
"Well, can you give me a toe?"
 

... more Christmas fun.

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