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Christmas Jokes

Why was Santa late for Christmas? He couldn't stop reading Squigy's Christmas jokes! Here's our collection of the best Chrismtas riddles, Chrismtas knock knock jokes and Christmas jokes ever! We know these jokes will make you LOL! :D


Riddles

Q. What did the gingerbread man find on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet!

Q. What do you call Santa when he goes down a chimney with a fire at the bottom?
A. Krisp Cringle.

Q. Which elf was the best singer?
A. ELFis Presley.

Q. What's red and white, red and white, red and white?
A. Santa Claus rolling down the hill.

Q. What do you get when you eat Christmas decorations?
A. Tinsilitis!

Q. Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
A. Because he wanted to sleep like a log!

Q. What does Santa clean his sleigh with?
A. Comet.

Q. What kind of bug hates Christmas?
A. A humbug.

Q. Why were the kids afraid of Christmas?
A. Because of Santa Claws!

Q. What's the best thing to give your parents for Christmas?
A. A list of everything you want!

Q. What says, "Now you see me, now you don't, now you see me, now you don't?"
A. A snowman on a cross walk!

Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A. Frosted Flakes.

Q. Why did the candy cane cross the road?
A. Because it wanted to get a licking!

Q. What two countries should the chef use when he's making Christmas dinner?
A. Turkey and Greece.

Q. What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
A. The Christmas alphabet has NOEL!

Q. What is invisible and smells like milk and cookies?
A. Santa's burps!

Q. What comes before Christmas Eve?
A. Christmas Adam!

Q. What goes in a chimney red and comes out of it black?
A. Santa Claus.

Q. What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet!

Q. What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A. A broken drum, you cant beat it!

Q. How do you scare a snowman?
A. You get a hairdryer!

Q. What is big, red and flies in the sky?
A. Santa Claus.

Q. How do you know when Santa's in the room?
A. You can sense his presents.

Q. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
A. Nothing, it was on the house!

Q. What is the cleanest reindeer called?
A. Comet.

Q. What does a cat in the dessert have in common with Christmas?
A. Sandy claws.

Q. How long should a reindeer's legs be?
A. Just long enough to reach the ground!

Q. Why did the elf go to school?
A. To learn his ELFabet.

Q. What does Santa say in a race?
A. "Ready, set, HO!"

Q. What's white, red and blue at Christmas time?
A. A sad candy cane!

Knock knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary
Mary who?
Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ho, Ho, Ho
Ho, Ho, Ho who?
Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas to you!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary and Abbey
Mary and Abbey who?
Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Santa
Santa who?
Santa Clause!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Irish
Irish who?
Irish you a Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Sandy
Sandy who?
Sandy Claus!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow use. I forgot my name again!

Jokes

Santa Claus: What's that terrible racket outside?
Mrs. Claus: It's rain deer.
 

The TV game show was really close. One contestant was asked to name 2 of Santa's reindeer. The contestant gave a sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question, "Rudolph and Olive!"
The host asked the contestant, "We'll accept Rudolph but can you explain Olive?"
The man looked at the host and said, "You know, 'Olive,' the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."
 

Father Christmas' sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, "Can you give me a hand?"
"Sorry," the motorist replied. "I'm not a mechanic, I'm a chiropodist."
"Well, can you give me a toe?"
 

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offence," said the judge.
"It is if you do it before the shops are open," countered the prosecutor.
 

They say in the first part in the song Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer there are only 8 reindeer but there are really 12. First there is Rudolf, of course. Then there is Olive, Olive the other reindeer. Then there is Howe, and Howe the reindeer loved him. Then there is Andy, Andy shouted out with glee. There are 12 reindeer in all.
 

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