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Squigly's Christmas Jokes, Riddles and Knock Knock Jokes

Why was Santa late for Christmas? He couldn't stop reading Squigy's Christmas jokes! Here's our collection of the best Chrismtas riddles, knock knock jokes and jokes ever! If you'd like to see more just refresh the page. We know these jokes will make you LOL! :D

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Riddles

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Q. What nationality is Santa Claus?
A. North Polish.

Q. What did the reindeer say when he saw an elf?
A. Nothing, reindeer can't talk.

Q. How did the sheep say Merry Christmas?
A. "Fleece Avoided."

Q. What is the cleanest reindeer called?
A. Comet.

Q. Why are there only snowmen and not snowwomen?
A. Because only men would stand out in the snow without a coat.

Q. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
A. Nothing, it was on the house!

Q. What's Santa's favourite candy?
A. Jolly Ranchers!

Q. What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament?
A. "Aren't you tired of hanging around?"

Q. What does a cat in the dessert have in common with Christmas?
A. Sandy claws.

Q. Why is Santa so good at karate?
A. Because he has a black belt!

Q. Why are Christmas trees such bad knitters?
A. They are always dropping their needles.

Q. Why does Santa have three gardens?
A. So he can go HOE HOE HOE.

Q. Who says "Oh, Oh, Oh!"?
A. Santa walking backwards!

Q. Where do snowmen go to dance?
A. The snowball.

Q. What do you get when you cross a cat with Santa Claus?
A. Santa-Claws!

Q. Where do snowmen keep their money?
A. In a snowbank.

Q. What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked in the sky?
A. "Looks like rain, dear."

Q. What did the cow get for Christmas?
A. A COWculator.

Q. What's white and goes up?
A. A confused snowflake!

Q. Which elf was the best singer?
A. ELFis Presley.

Q. What did the monkey sing on Christmas day?
A. Jungle bells, Jungle bells...

Q. What do you call Santa when he goes down a chimney with a fire at the bottom?
A. Krisp Cringle.

Q. What do you call a Christmas duck?
A. A Christmas quacker!

Q. What says, "Now you see me, now you don't, now you see me, now you don't?"
A. A snowman on a cross walk!

Q. What is green, white, and red all over?
A. A sunburnt elf.

Q. What is big, red and flies in the sky?
A. Santa Claus.

Q. Which of Santa's reindeer has bad manners?
A. Rude-olph!

Q. Why was Santa's helper depressed?
A. He had low ELF-esteem.

Q. What Christmas carol is a favourite of parents?
A. Silent Night.

Q. What do you get if you cross an apple and a Christmas tree?
A. Pineapple.

Q. How long should a reindeer's legs be?
A. Just long enough to reach the ground!

Q. What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
A. An ice burger with chili sauce.

Q. Why did the candy cane cross the road?
A. Because it wanted to get a licking!

Q. What do you get when you deep fry Santa Claus?
A. Crisp Kringle.

Q. What do you get if you cross Santa Claus with a duck?
A. A Christmas Quacker!

Q. What flies when it's born, lies when it's alive, and runs when it's dead?
A. Snow.

Q. What do call Santa when he stops moving?
A. Santa Pause!

Q. Who gives presents to baby sharks?
A. Santa Jaws.

Q. What did the ghost say to Santa Claus?
A. "I'll have a boo Christmas without you."

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. What's white, red and blue at Christmas time?
A. A sad candy cane!

Q. What goes in a chimney red and comes out of it black?
A. Santa Claus.

Q. What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
A. The Christmas alphabet has NOEL!

Q. What do snowmen do on Christmas?
A. Play with the snow angels.

Q. What is invisible and smells like milk and cookies?
A. Santa's burps!

Q. What is a reindeer's favorite instrument?
A. Horns!

Q. Where did Santa Claus go for vacation?
A. Santa Cruz.

Q. Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
A. Because he wanted to sleep like a log!

Q. What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet!

Q. What do you get if you cross mistletoe and a duck?
A. A Christmas Quacker.

Knock knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary and Abbey
Mary and Abbey who?
Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary
Mary who?
Mary Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ho, Ho, Ho
Ho, Ho, Ho who?
Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas to you!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Santa
Santa who?
Santa Clause!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow use. I forgot my name again!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Irish
Irish who?
Irish you a Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gladis
Gladis who?
Gladis not me who got coal this Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Sandy
Sandy who?
Sandy Claus!

Jokes

Father Christmas' sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, "Can you give me a hand?"
"Sorry," the motorist replied. "I'm not a mechanic, I'm a chiropodist."
"Well, can you give me a toe?"
 

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offence," said the judge.
"It is if you do it before the shops are open," countered the prosecutor.
 

They say in the first part in the song Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer there are only 8 reindeer but there are really 12. First there is Rudolf, of course. Then there is Olive, Olive the other reindeer. Then there is Howe, and Howe the reindeer loved him. Then there is Andy, Andy shouted out with glee. There are 12 reindeer in all.
 

Santa Claus: What's that terrible racket outside?
Mrs. Claus: It's rain deer.
 

The TV game show was really close. One contestant was asked to name 2 of Santa's reindeer. The contestant gave a sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question, "Rudolph and Olive!"
The host asked the contestant, "We'll accept Rudolph but can you explain Olive?"
The man looked at the host and said, "You know, 'Olive,' the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."
 

... more Christmas fun.

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