Q. What did the cow get for Christmas?
A. A COWculator.
Q. What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A. A puddle!
Q. What's a good holiday tip?
A. Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.
Q. What do you get if you cross mistletoe and a duck?
A. A Christmas Quacker.
Q. How do you know when Santa's in the room?
A. You can sense his presents.
Q. Where does a snowman keep his money?
A. In a snow bank.
Q. What kind of bug hates Christmas?
A. A humbug.
Q. Why are Christmas trees such bad knitters?
A. They are always dropping their needles.
Q. What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament?
A. "Aren't you tired of hanging around?"
Q. What goes in a chimney red and comes out of it black?
A. Santa Claus.
Q. What does Santa clean his sleigh with?
Q. What did the reindeer say when he saw an elf?
A. Nothing, reindeer can't talk.
Q. What did the gingerbread man find on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet!
Q. How long should a reindeer's legs be?
A. Just long enough to reach the ground!
Q. How did the sheep say Merry Christmas?
A. "Fleece Avoided."
Q. What do you call Santa when he goes down a chimney with a fire at the bottom?
A. Krisp Cringle.
Q. What did the ghost say to Santa Claus?
A. "I'll have a boo Christmas without you."
Q. What flies when it's born, lies when it's alive, and runs when it's dead?
Q. What do you get if you cross Santa and a dog?
A. Santa Paws!
Q. What two countries should the chef use when he's making Christmas dinner?
A. Turkey and Greece.
Q. Who says "Oh, Oh, Oh!"?
A. Santa walking backwards!
Q. What Christmas carol is a favourite of parents?
A. Silent Night.
Q. What's black and white and red all over?
A. Santa covered with chimney soot.
Q. What's the best thing to give your parents for Christmas?
A. A list of everything you want!
Q. Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
A. Because of all the wrapping!
Q. Why was Santa's helper depressed?
A. He had low ELF-esteem.
Q. What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
A. The Christmas alphabet has NOEL!
Q. Where do snowmen go to dance?
A. The snowball.
Q. What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked in the sky?
A. "Looks like rain, dear."
Q. Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
A. Because he wanted to sleep like a log!
Mary and Abbey
Mary and Abbey who?
Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!
Snow use. I forgot my name again!
Irish you a Merry Christmas!
Ho, Ho, Ho
Ho, Ho, Ho who?
Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas to you!
Gladis not me who got coal this Christmas!