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Squigly's Christmas Jokes, Riddles and Knock Knock Jokes

Why was Santa late for Christmas? He couldn't stop reading Squigy's Christmas jokes! Here's our collection of the best Chrismtas riddles, knock knock jokes and jokes ever! If you'd like to see more just refresh the page. We know these jokes will make you LOL! :D

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Elephant Jokes

   


Riddles

Q. What did the reindeer say when he saw an elf?
A. Nothing, reindeer can't talk.

Q. What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
A. The Christmas alphabet has NOEL!

Q. Who gives presents to baby sharks?
A. Santa Jaws.

Q. Where do snowmen keep their money?
A. In a snowbank.

Q. Why were the kids afraid of Christmas?
A. Because of Santa Claws!

Q. What do you get when you eat Christmas decorations?
A. Tinsilitis!

Q. What Christmas carol is a favourite of parents?
A. Silent Night.

Q. What is a reindeer's favorite instrument?
A. Horns!

Q. Why was Santa's helper depressed?
A. He had low ELF-esteem.

Q. What do call Santa when he stops moving?
A. Santa Pause!

Q. Why is Santa so good at karate?
A. Because he has a black belt!

Q. Who says "Oh, Oh, Oh!"?
A. Santa walking backwards!

Q. What do you get when you deep fry Santa Claus?
A. Crisp Kringle.

Q. What do cows say at Christmas?
A. MOOey Christmas!

Q. Why are there only snowmen and not snowwomen?
A. Because only men would stand out in the snow without a coat.

Q. What do you call a Christmas duck?
A. A Christmas quacker!

Q. What's white, red and blue at Christmas time?
A. A sad candy cane!

Q. Where do snowmen go to dance?
A. The snowball.

Q. What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet!

Q. What did the ghost say to Santa Claus?
A. "I'll have a boo Christmas without you."

Q. What's Santa's favourite candy?
A. Jolly Ranchers!

Q. What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament?
A. "Aren't you tired of hanging around?"

Q. What comes before Christmas Eve?
A. Christmas Adam!

Q. What goes in a chimney red and comes out of it black?
A. Santa Claus.

Q. What's black and white and red all over?
A. Santa covered with chimney soot.

Q. What is green, white, and red all over?
A. A sunburnt elf.

Q. Why did Sponge Bob have a great Christmas?
A. Because he kissed Krabby Patty.

Q. What do they sing under the ocean during the winter?
A. Christmas Corals!

Q. Why are Christmas trees such bad knitters?
A. They are always dropping their needles.

Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A. Frosted Flakes.

Q. How do you scare a snowman?
A. You get a hairdryer!

Q. What do snowmen do on Christmas?
A. Play with the snow angels.

Q. Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
A. Because he wanted to sleep like a log!

Q. What kind of bug hates Christmas?
A. A humbug.

Q. What is the cleanest reindeer called?
A. Comet.

Q. How long should a reindeer's legs be?
A. Just long enough to reach the ground!

Q. What does Santa say in a race?
A. "Ready, set, HO!"

Q. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
A. Nothing, it was on the house!

Q. What nationality is Santa Claus?
A. North Polish.

Q. What does Santa clean his sleigh with?
A. Comet.

Q. What's red and white, red and white, red and white?
A. Santa Claus rolling down the hill.

Q. What did the monkey sing on Christmas day?
A. Jungle bells, Jungle bells...

Q. How did the sheep say Merry Christmas?
A. "Fleece Avoided."

Q. What do you call Santa when he goes down a chimney with a fire at the bottom?
A. Krisp Cringle.

Q. What is invisible and smells like milk and cookies?
A. Santa's burps!

Q. What does a cat in the dessert have in common with Christmas?
A. Sandy claws.

Q. What flies when it's born, lies when it's alive, and runs when it's dead?
A. Snow.

Q. What says, "Now you see me, now you don't, now you see me, now you don't?"
A. A snowman on a cross walk!

Q. Which of Santa's reindeer has bad manners?
A. Rude-olph!

Q. What do you get if you cross Santa and a dog?
A. Santa Paws!

Knock knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Santa
Santa who?
Santa Clause!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gladis
Gladis who?
Gladis not me who got coal this Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Sandy
Sandy who?
Sandy Claus!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary
Mary who?
Mary Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ho, Ho, Ho
Ho, Ho, Ho who?
Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas to you!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary and Abbey
Mary and Abbey who?
Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Irish
Irish who?
Irish you a Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow use. I forgot my name again!

Jokes

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offence," said the judge.
"It is if you do it before the shops are open," countered the prosecutor.
 

Father Christmas' sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, "Can you give me a hand?"
"Sorry," the motorist replied. "I'm not a mechanic, I'm a chiropodist."
"Well, can you give me a toe?"
 

They say in the first part in the song Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer there are only 8 reindeer but there are really 12. First there is Rudolf, of course. Then there is Olive, Olive the other reindeer. Then there is Howe, and Howe the reindeer loved him. Then there is Andy, Andy shouted out with glee. There are 12 reindeer in all.
 

The TV game show was really close. One contestant was asked to name 2 of Santa's reindeer. The contestant gave a sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question, "Rudolph and Olive!"
The host asked the contestant, "We'll accept Rudolph but can you explain Olive?"
The man looked at the host and said, "You know, 'Olive,' the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."
 

Santa Claus: What's that terrible racket outside?
Mrs. Claus: It's rain deer.
 

... more Christmas fun.

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