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Squigly's Christmas Jokes, Riddles and Knock Knock Jokes

Why was Santa late for Christmas? He couldn't stop reading Squigy's Christmas jokes! Here's our collection of the best Chrismtas riddles, knock knock jokes and jokes ever! If you'd like to see more just refresh the page. We know these jokes will make you LOL! :D

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Riddles

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Q. What do snowmen do on Christmas?
A. Play with the snow angels.

Q. What's black and white and red all over?
A. Santa covered with chimney soot.

Q. What is the cleanest reindeer called?
A. Comet.

Q. What kind of bug hates Christmas?
A. A humbug.

Q. Why do Rappers like Christmas so much?
A. Because of all the wrapping!

Q. What does Santa say in a race?
A. "Ready, set, HO!"

Q. Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
A. Because of all the wrapping!

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. Why was Santa's helper depressed?
A. He had low ELF-esteem.

Q. What is green, white, and red all over?
A. A sunburnt elf.

Q. Why did the elf go to school?
A. To learn his ELFabet.

Q. What's white and goes up?
A. A confused snowflake!

Q. What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
A. The Christmas alphabet has NOEL!

Q. Why are there only snowmen and not snowwomen?
A. Because only men would stand out in the snow without a coat.

Q. What does Santa clean his sleigh with?
A. Comet.

Q. What do you get if you cross an apple and a Christmas tree?
A. Pineapple.

Q. Why is Santa so good at karate?
A. Because he has a black belt!

Q. Where do snowmen go to dance?
A. The snowball.

Q. What's a good holiday tip?
A. Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.

Q. What did the reindeer say when he saw an elf?
A. Nothing, reindeer can't talk.

Q. Why did the candy cane cross the road?
A. Because it wanted to get a licking!

Q. How do you know when Santa's in the room?
A. You can sense his presents.

Q. Which elf was the best singer?
A. ELFis Presley.

Q. What do you get when you cross a cat with Santa Claus?
A. Santa-Claws!

Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A. Frosted Flakes.

Q. What comes before Christmas Eve?
A. Christmas Adam!

Q. What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A. A puddle!

Q. What did the cow get for Christmas?
A. A COWculator.

Q. What do cows say at Christmas?
A. MOOey Christmas!

Q. Who gives presents to baby sharks?
A. Santa Jaws.

Q. What nationality is Santa Claus?
A. North Polish.

Q. What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked in the sky?
A. "Looks like rain, dear."

Q. Why did Sponge Bob have a great Christmas?
A. Because he kissed Krabby Patty.

Q. What says, "Now you see me, now you don't, now you see me, now you don't?"
A. A snowman on a cross walk!

Q. Who says "Oh, Oh, Oh!"?
A. Santa walking backwards!

Q. What do you get if you cross Santa and a dog?
A. Santa Paws!

Q. Where did Santa Claus go for vacation?
A. Santa Cruz.

Q. What is a reindeer's favorite instrument?
A. Horns!

Q. Why were the kids afraid of Christmas?
A. Because of Santa Claws!

Q. What two countries should the chef use when he's making Christmas dinner?
A. Turkey and Greece.

Q. What is invisible and smells like milk and cookies?
A. Santa's burps!

Q. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
A. Nothing, it was on the house!

Q. Which of Santa's reindeer has bad manners?
A. Rude-olph!

Q. Did you hear about the cracker's Christmas party?
A. It was a BANG!

Q. What's white, red and blue at Christmas time?
A. A sad candy cane!

Q. What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet!

Q. What flies when it's born, lies when it's alive, and runs when it's dead?
A. Snow.

Q. What's white and red and goes up and down and up and down?
A. Santa Claus in an elevator!

Q. Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
A. Because he wanted to sleep like a log!

Q. How long should a reindeer's legs be?
A. Just long enough to reach the ground!

Knock knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gladis
Gladis who?
Gladis not me who got coal this Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary and Abbey
Mary and Abbey who?
Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ho, Ho, Ho
Ho, Ho, Ho who?
Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas to you!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Sandy
Sandy who?
Sandy Claus!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Santa
Santa who?
Santa Clause!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Irish
Irish who?
Irish you a Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary
Mary who?
Mary Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow use. I forgot my name again!

Jokes

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offence," said the judge.
"It is if you do it before the shops are open," countered the prosecutor.
 

Father Christmas' sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, "Can you give me a hand?"
"Sorry," the motorist replied. "I'm not a mechanic, I'm a chiropodist."
"Well, can you give me a toe?"
 

Santa Claus: What's that terrible racket outside?
Mrs. Claus: It's rain deer.
 

They say in the first part in the song Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer there are only 8 reindeer but there are really 12. First there is Rudolf, of course. Then there is Olive, Olive the other reindeer. Then there is Howe, and Howe the reindeer loved him. Then there is Andy, Andy shouted out with glee. There are 12 reindeer in all.
 

The TV game show was really close. One contestant was asked to name 2 of Santa's reindeer. The contestant gave a sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question, "Rudolph and Olive!"
The host asked the contestant, "We'll accept Rudolph but can you explain Olive?"
The man looked at the host and said, "You know, 'Olive,' the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."
 

... more Christmas fun.

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