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Christmas Jokes

Why was Santa late for Christmas? He couldn't stop reading Squigy's Christmas jokes! Here's our collection of the best Chrismtas riddles, Chrismtas knock knock jokes and Christmas jokes ever! We know these jokes will make you LOL! :D


Riddles

Q. What do you get if you cross an apple and a Christmas tree?
A. Pineapple.

Q. What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet!

Q. What do snowmen do on Christmas?
A. Play with the snow angels.

Q. What kind of bug hates Christmas?
A. A humbug.

Q. What do you get if you cross Santa and a dog?
A. Santa Paws!

Q. What do you get when you cross a cat with Santa Claus?
A. Santa-Claws!

Q. Did you hear about the cracker's Christmas party?
A. It was a BANG!

Q. What do you get if you cross mistletoe and a duck?
A. A Christmas Quacker.

Q. What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A. A puddle!

Q. What does Santa say in a race?
A. "Ready, set, HO!"

Q. What did the cow get for Christmas?
A. A COWculator.

Q. What did the gingerbread man find on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet!

Q. What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A. A broken drum, you cant beat it!

Q. Why is Santa so good at karate?
A. Because he has a black belt!

Q. How long should a reindeer's legs be?
A. Just long enough to reach the ground!

Q. What says, "Now you see me, now you don't, now you see me, now you don't?"
A. A snowman on a cross walk!

Q. Why did the elf go to school?
A. To learn his ELFabet.

Q. What do you get when you eat Christmas decorations?
A. Tinsilitis!

Q. Where do snowmen go to dance?
A. The snowball.

Q. What do call Santa when he stops moving?
A. Santa Pause!

Q. Why does Rudolph have a red nose?
A. Because he sneezes a lot!

Q. What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
A. An ice burger with chili sauce.

Q. What does a cat in the dessert have in common with Christmas?
A. Sandy claws.

Q. Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
A. Because he wanted to sleep like a log!

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. Which of Santa's reindeer has bad manners?
A. Rude-olph!

Q. How was the snow globe feeling?
A. A little shaken!

Q. What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament?
A. "Aren't you tired of hanging around?"

Q. What two countries should the chef use when he's making Christmas dinner?
A. Turkey and Greece.

Q. Why are Christmas trees such bad knitters?
A. They are always dropping their needles.

Knock knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Sandy
Sandy who?
Sandy Claus!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow use. I forgot my name again!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Santa
Santa who?
Santa Clause!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Irish
Irish who?
Irish you a Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gladis
Gladis who?
Gladis not me who got coal this Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary and Abbey
Mary and Abbey who?
Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary
Mary who?
Merry Christmas!

Jokes

They say in the first part in the song Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer there are only 8 reindeer but there are really 12. First there is Rudolf, of course. Then there is Olive, Olive the other reindeer. Then there is Howe, and Howe the reindeer loved him. Then there is Andy, Andy shouted out with glee. There are 12 reindeer in all.
 

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offence," said the judge.
"It is if you do it before the shops are open," countered the prosecutor.
 

Father Christmas' sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, "Can you give me a hand?"
"Sorry," the motorist replied. "I'm not a mechanic, I'm a chiropodist."
"Well, can you give me a toe?"
 

The TV game show was really close. One contestant was asked to name 2 of Santa's reindeer. The contestant gave a sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question, "Rudolph and Olive!"
The host asked the contestant, "We'll accept Rudolph but can you explain Olive?"
The man looked at the host and said, "You know, 'Olive,' the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."
 

Santa Claus: What's that terrible racket outside?
Mrs. Claus: It's rain deer.
 

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