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Christmas Jokes

Why was Santa late for Christmas? He couldn't stop reading Squigy's Christmas jokes! Here's our collection of the best Chrismtas riddles, Chrismtas knock knock jokes and Christmas jokes ever! We know these jokes will make you LOL! :D


Riddles

Q. What's white and goes up?
A. A confused snowflake!

Q. What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A. A broken drum, you cant beat it!

Q. What do you get if you cross Santa and a dog?
A. Santa Paws!

Q. Where do snowmen go to dance?
A. The snowball.

Q. What does a cat in the dessert have in common with Christmas?
A. Sandy claws.

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. Where does a snowman keep his money?
A. In a snow bank.

Q. What do you get if you cross mistletoe and a duck?
A. A Christmas Quacker.

Q. Where do snowmen keep their money?
A. In a snowbank.

Q. What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
A. The Christmas alphabet has NOEL!

Q. What do you call a Christmas duck?
A. A Christmas quacker!

Q. How do you know when Santa's in the room?
A. You can sense his presents.

Q. What do you call Santa when he goes down a chimney with a fire at the bottom?
A. Krisp Cringle.

Q. What did the gingerbread man find on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet!

Q. What did the ghost say to Santa Claus?
A. "I'll have a boo Christmas without you."

Q. What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet!

Q. Why are there only snowmen and not snowwomen?
A. Because only men would stand out in the snow without a coat.

Q. Why is Santa so good at karate?
A. Because he has a black belt!

Q. Which of Santa's reindeer has bad manners?
A. Rude-olph!

Q. Why did Sponge Bob have a great Christmas?
A. Because he kissed Krabby Patty.

Q. Did you hear about the cracker's Christmas party?
A. It was a BANG!

Q. How was the snow globe feeling?
A. A little shaken!

Q. Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
A. Because of all the wrapping!

Q. Why are Christmas trees such bad knitters?
A. They are always dropping their needles.

Q. Why were the kids afraid of Christmas?
A. Because of Santa Claws!

Q. Why does Santa have three gardens?
A. So he can go HOE HOE HOE.

Q. How do you scare a snowman?
A. You get a hairdryer!

Q. What's the best thing to give your parents for Christmas?
A. A list of everything you want!

Q. What is the cleanest reindeer called?
A. Comet.

Q. What do they sing under the ocean during the winter?
A. Christmas Corals!

Knock knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gladis
Gladis who?
Gladis not me who got coal this Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary
Mary who?
Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Irish
Irish who?
Irish you a Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow use. I forgot my name again!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ho, Ho, Ho
Ho, Ho, Ho who?
Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas to you!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary and Abbey
Mary and Abbey who?
Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Santa
Santa who?
Santa Clause!

Jokes

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offence," said the judge.
"It is if you do it before the shops are open," countered the prosecutor.
 

The TV game show was really close. One contestant was asked to name 2 of Santa's reindeer. The contestant gave a sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question, "Rudolph and Olive!"
The host asked the contestant, "We'll accept Rudolph but can you explain Olive?"
The man looked at the host and said, "You know, 'Olive,' the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."
 

They say in the first part in the song Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer there are only 8 reindeer but there are really 12. First there is Rudolf, of course. Then there is Olive, Olive the other reindeer. Then there is Howe, and Howe the reindeer loved him. Then there is Andy, Andy shouted out with glee. There are 12 reindeer in all.
 

Santa Claus: What's that terrible racket outside?
Mrs. Claus: It's rain deer.
 

Father Christmas' sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, "Can you give me a hand?"
"Sorry," the motorist replied. "I'm not a mechanic, I'm a chiropodist."
"Well, can you give me a toe?"
 

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