Squigly Jokes and Riddles

Christmas Jokes

Why was Santa late for Christmas? He couldn't stop reading Squigy's Christmas jokes! Here's our collection of the best Chrismtas riddles, Chrismtas knock knock jokes and Christmas jokes ever! We know these jokes will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What does Santa clean his sleigh with?
A. Comet.

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. How do you know when Santa's in the room?
A. You can sense his presents.

Q. What did the gingerbread man find on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet!

Q. What do call Santa when he stops moving?
A. Santa Pause!

Q. What kind of bug hates Christmas?
A. A humbug.

Q. How did the sheep say Merry Christmas?
A. "Fleece Avoided."

Q. What comes before Christmas Eve?
A. Christmas Adam!

Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A. Frosted Flakes.

Q. Why are there only snowmen and not snowwomen?
A. Because only men would stand out in the snow without a coat.

Q. What did the reindeer say when he saw an elf?
A. Nothing, reindeer can't talk.

Q. What does a cat in the dessert have in common with Christmas?
A. Sandy claws.

Q. What do you get if you cross an apple and a Christmas tree?
A. Pineapple.

Q. Did you hear about the cracker's Christmas party?
A. It was a BANG!

Q. Why did Sponge Bob have a great Christmas?
A. Because he kissed Krabby Patty.

Q. What's white, red and blue at Christmas time?
A. A sad candy cane!

Q. Where do snowmen keep their money?
A. In a snowbank.

Q. Where do snowmen go to dance?
A. The snowball.

Q. What do you call Santa when he goes down a chimney with a fire at the bottom?
A. Krisp Cringle.

Q. What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet!

Q. Why do Rappers like Christmas so much?
A. Because of all the wrapping!

Q. How do you scare a snowman?
A. You get a hairdryer!

Q. Who says "Oh, Oh, Oh!"?
A. Santa walking backwards!

Q. Which of Santa's reindeer has bad manners?
A. Rude-olph!

Q. Which elf was the best singer?
A. ELFis Presley.

Q. What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
A. An ice burger with chili sauce.

Q. Why does Rudolph have a red nose?
A. Because he sneezes a lot!

Q. What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament?
A. "Aren't you tired of hanging around?"

Q. Why does Santa have three gardens?
A. So he can go HOE HOE HOE.

Q. What do you get when you deep fry Santa Claus?
A. Crisp Kringle.

Knock knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Irish
Irish who?
Irish you a Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow use. I forgot my name again!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Santa
Santa who?
Santa Clause!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ho, Ho, Ho
Ho, Ho, Ho who?
Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas to you!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary and Abbey
Mary and Abbey who?
Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary
Mary who?
Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gladis
Gladis who?
Gladis not me who got coal this Christmas!

Jokes

They say in the first part in the song Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer there are only 8 reindeer but there are really 12. First there is Rudolf, of course. Then there is Olive, Olive the other reindeer. Then there is Howe, and Howe the reindeer loved him. Then there is Andy, Andy shouted out with glee. There are 12 reindeer in all.
 

Santa Claus: What's that terrible racket outside?
Mrs. Claus: It's rain deer.
 

The TV game show was really close. One contestant was asked to name 2 of Santa's reindeer. The contestant gave a sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question, "Rudolph and Olive!"
The host asked the contestant, "We'll accept Rudolph but can you explain Olive?"
The man looked at the host and said, "You know, 'Olive,' the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."
 

Father Christmas' sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, "Can you give me a hand?"
"Sorry," the motorist replied. "I'm not a mechanic, I'm a chiropodist."
"Well, can you give me a toe?"
 

Husband: Why don't you buy Christmas seals?
Wife: I really don't know how I'd feed them!
 

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offence," said the judge.
"It is if you do it before the shops are open," countered the prosecutor.
 

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