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Squigly's Christmas Jokes, Riddles and Knock Knock Jokes

Why was Santa late for Christmas? He couldn't stop reading Squigy's Christmas jokes! Here's our collection of the best Chrismtas riddles, knock knock jokes and jokes ever! If you'd like to see more just refresh the page. We know these jokes will make you LOL! :D

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Q. What's white and red and goes up and down and up and down?
A. Santa Claus in an elevator!

Q. How long should a reindeer's legs be?
A. Just long enough to reach the ground!

Q. What do you get if you cross Santa and a dog?
A. Santa Paws!

Q. What does a cat in the dessert have in common with Christmas?
A. Sandy claws.

Q. What kind of bug hates Christmas?
A. A humbug.

Q. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
A. Nothing, it was on the house!

Q. What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A. A broken drum, you cant beat it!

Q. What do you get if you cross mistletoe and a duck?
A. A Christmas Quacker.

Q. Which of Santa's reindeer has bad manners?
A. Rude-olph!

Q. Where do snowmen keep their money?
A. In a snowbank.

Q. What's Santa's favourite candy?
A. Jolly Ranchers!

Q. What is invisible and smells like milk and cookies?
A. Santa's burps!

Q. What do you call a Christmas duck?
A. A Christmas quacker!

Q. Why were the kids afraid of Christmas?
A. Because of Santa Claws!

Q. Where did Santa Claus go for vacation?
A. Santa Cruz.

Q. What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
A. The Christmas alphabet has NOEL!

Q. What does Santa say in a race?
A. "Ready, set, HO!"

Q. Did you hear about the cracker's Christmas party?
A. It was a BANG!

Q. What do you get when you deep fry Santa Claus?
A. Crisp Kringle.

Q. Why are there only snowmen and not snowwomen?
A. Because only men would stand out in the snow without a coat.

Q. Why did Sponge Bob have a great Christmas?
A. Because he kissed Krabby Patty.

Q. What comes before Christmas Eve?
A. Christmas Adam!

Q. Why did the elf go to school?
A. To learn his ELFabet.

Q. What do call Santa when he stops moving?
A. Santa Pause!

Q. What flies when it's born, lies when it's alive, and runs when it's dead?
A. Snow.

Q. What did the reindeer say when he saw an elf?
A. Nothing, reindeer can't talk.

Q. Where do snowmen go to dance?
A. The snowball.

Q. What's the best thing to give your parents for Christmas?
A. A list of everything you want!

Q. Who gives presents to baby sharks?
A. Santa Jaws.

Q. What does Santa clean his sleigh with?
A. Comet.

Q. Why is Santa so good at karate?
A. Because he has a black belt!

Q. What says, "Now you see me, now you don't, now you see me, now you don't?"
A. A snowman on a cross walk!

Q. Why does Santa have three gardens?
A. So he can go HOE HOE HOE.

Q. What is the cleanest reindeer called?
A. Comet.

Q. What goes in a chimney red and comes out of it black?
A. Santa Claus.

Q. What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
A. An ice burger with chili sauce.

Q. What is big, red and flies in the sky?
A. Santa Claus.

Q. How do you scare a snowman?
A. You get a hairdryer!

Q. Why was Santa's helper depressed?
A. He had low ELF-esteem.

Q. What's white, red and blue at Christmas time?
A. A sad candy cane!

Q. What nationality is Santa Claus?
A. North Polish.

Q. What did the cow get for Christmas?
A. A COWculator.

Q. What is green, white, and red all over?
A. A sunburnt elf.

Q. What's red and white, red and white, red and white?
A. Santa Claus rolling down the hill.

Q. Why do Rappers like Christmas so much?
A. Because of all the wrapping!

Q. How did the sheep say Merry Christmas?
A. "Fleece Avoided."

Q. What do snowmen do on Christmas?
A. Play with the snow angels.

Q. What's white and goes up?
A. A confused snowflake!

Q. What's black and white and red all over?
A. Santa covered with chimney soot.

Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A. Frosted Flakes.

Knock knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Santa
Santa who?
Santa Clause!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary
Mary who?
Mary Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Sandy
Sandy who?
Sandy Claus!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary and Abbey
Mary and Abbey who?
Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow use. I forgot my name again!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Irish
Irish who?
Irish you a Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ho, Ho, Ho
Ho, Ho, Ho who?
Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas to you!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gladis
Gladis who?
Gladis not me who got coal this Christmas!

Jokes

The TV game show was really close. One contestant was asked to name 2 of Santa's reindeer. The contestant gave a sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question, "Rudolph and Olive!"
The host asked the contestant, "We'll accept Rudolph but can you explain Olive?"
The man looked at the host and said, "You know, 'Olive,' the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."
 

They say in the first part in the song Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer there are only 8 reindeer but there are really 12. First there is Rudolf, of course. Then there is Olive, Olive the other reindeer. Then there is Howe, and Howe the reindeer loved him. Then there is Andy, Andy shouted out with glee. There are 12 reindeer in all.
 

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offence," said the judge.
"It is if you do it before the shops are open," countered the prosecutor.
 

Father Christmas' sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, "Can you give me a hand?"
"Sorry," the motorist replied. "I'm not a mechanic, I'm a chiropodist."
"Well, can you give me a toe?"
 

Santa Claus: What's that terrible racket outside?
Mrs. Claus: It's rain deer.
 

... more Christmas fun.

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