Q. What kind of bug hates Christmas?
A. A humbug.
Q. What does Santa say in a race?
A. "Ready, set, HO!"
Q. What do you call a Christmas duck?
A. A Christmas quacker!
Q. What's Santa's favourite candy?
A. Jolly Ranchers!
Q. What do snowmen do on Christmas?
A. Play with the snow angels.
Q. What did the monkey sing on Christmas day?
A. Jungle bells, Jungle bells...
Q. Why was Santa's helper depressed?
A. He had low ELF-esteem.
Q. How did the sheep say Merry Christmas?
A. "Fleece Avoided."
Q. What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked in the sky?
A. "Looks like rain, dear."
Q. What do you get when you eat Christmas decorations?
Q. Why did Sponge Bob have a great Christmas?
A. Because he kissed Krabby Patty.
Q. What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A. A broken drum, you cant beat it!
Q. What did the ghost say to Santa Claus?
A. "I'll have a boo Christmas without you."
Q. What two countries should the chef use when he's making Christmas dinner?
A. Turkey and Greece.
Q. What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A. A puddle!
Q. What's white and goes up?
A. A confused snowflake!
Q. What do you get if you cross an apple and a Christmas tree?
Q. What's white, red and blue at Christmas time?
A. A sad candy cane!
Q. What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
A. The Christmas alphabet has NOEL!
Q. What's a good holiday tip?
A. Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.
Q. What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament?
A. "Aren't you tired of hanging around?"
Q. Where do snowmen keep their money?
A. In a snowbank.
Q. Which elf was the best singer?
A. ELFis Presley.
Q. What does a cat in the dessert have in common with Christmas?
A. Sandy claws.
Q. Who says "Oh, Oh, Oh!"?
A. Santa walking backwards!
Q. What's the best thing to give your parents for Christmas?
A. A list of everything you want!
Q. What do you get if you cross mistletoe and a duck?
A. A Christmas Quacker.
Q. What nationality is Santa Claus?
A. North Polish.
Q. What did the reindeer say when he saw an elf?
A. Nothing, reindeer can't talk.
Q. What did the cow get for Christmas?
A. A COWculator.
Mary and Abbey
Mary and Abbey who?
Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!
Ho, Ho, Ho
Ho, Ho, Ho who?
Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas to you!
Irish you a Merry Christmas!
Gladis not me who got coal this Christmas!
Snow use. I forgot my name again!