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Christmas Jokes

Why was Santa late for Christmas? He couldn't stop reading Squigy's Christmas jokes! Here's our collection of the best Chrismtas riddles, Chrismtas knock knock jokes and Christmas jokes ever! We know these jokes will make you LOL! :D


Riddles

Q. What's black and white and red all over?
A. Santa covered with chimney soot.

Q. What did the monkey sing on Christmas day?
A. Jungle bells, Jungle bells...

Q. How was the snow globe feeling?
A. A little shaken!

Q. Where do snowmen go to dance?
A. The snowball.

Q. Who gives presents to baby sharks?
A. Santa Jaws.

Q. What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked in the sky?
A. "Looks like rain, dear."

Q. What is a reindeer's favorite instrument?
A. Horns!

Q. What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A. A puddle!

Q. What did the ghost say to Santa Claus?
A. "I'll have a boo Christmas without you."

Q. What do you get when you deep fry Santa Claus?
A. Crisp Kringle.

Q. What flies when it's born, lies when it's alive, and runs when it's dead?
A. Snow.

Q. What says, "Now you see me, now you don't, now you see me, now you don't?"
A. A snowman on a cross walk!

Q. What do cows say at Christmas?
A. MOOey Christmas!

Q. What do you get when you eat Christmas decorations?
A. Tinsilitis!

Q. What does a cat in the dessert have in common with Christmas?
A. Sandy claws.

Q. Where does a snowman keep his money?
A. In a snow bank.

Q. Who says "Oh, Oh, Oh!"?
A. Santa walking backwards!

Q. How do you scare a snowman?
A. You get a hairdryer!

Q. How long should a reindeer's legs be?
A. Just long enough to reach the ground!

Q. Why are Christmas trees such bad knitters?
A. They are always dropping their needles.

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. Where do snowmen keep their money?
A. In a snowbank.

Q. What do snowmen do on Christmas?
A. Play with the snow angels.

Q. What nationality is Santa Claus?
A. North Polish.

Q. What two countries should the chef use when he's making Christmas dinner?
A. Turkey and Greece.

Q. What goes in a chimney red and comes out of it black?
A. Santa Claus.

Q. How do you know when Santa's in the room?
A. You can sense his presents.

Q. Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
A. Because he wanted to sleep like a log!

Q. What do they sing under the ocean during the winter?
A. Christmas Corals!

Q. What do you call a Christmas duck?
A. A Christmas quacker!

Knock knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Sandy
Sandy who?
Sandy Claus!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary
Mary who?
Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Santa
Santa who?
Santa Clause!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Irish
Irish who?
Irish you a Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow use. I forgot my name again!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ho, Ho, Ho
Ho, Ho, Ho who?
Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas to you!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gladis
Gladis who?
Gladis not me who got coal this Christmas!

Jokes

Father Christmas' sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, "Can you give me a hand?"
"Sorry," the motorist replied. "I'm not a mechanic, I'm a chiropodist."
"Well, can you give me a toe?"
 

The TV game show was really close. One contestant was asked to name 2 of Santa's reindeer. The contestant gave a sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question, "Rudolph and Olive!"
The host asked the contestant, "We'll accept Rudolph but can you explain Olive?"
The man looked at the host and said, "You know, 'Olive,' the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."
 

They say in the first part in the song Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer there are only 8 reindeer but there are really 12. First there is Rudolf, of course. Then there is Olive, Olive the other reindeer. Then there is Howe, and Howe the reindeer loved him. Then there is Andy, Andy shouted out with glee. There are 12 reindeer in all.
 

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offence," said the judge.
"It is if you do it before the shops are open," countered the prosecutor.
 

Santa Claus: What's that terrible racket outside?
Mrs. Claus: It's rain deer.
 

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