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Christmas Jokes

Why was Santa late for Christmas? He couldn't stop reading Squigy's Christmas jokes! Here's our collection of the best Chrismtas riddles, Chrismtas knock knock jokes and Christmas jokes ever! We know these jokes will make you LOL! :D


Riddles

Q. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
A. Nothing, it was on the house!

Q. What is a reindeer's favorite instrument?
A. Horns!

Q. What kind of bug hates Christmas?
A. A humbug.

Q. What did the gingerbread man find on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet!

Q. What did the reindeer say when he saw an elf?
A. Nothing, reindeer can't talk.

Q. What do you call a Christmas duck?
A. A Christmas quacker!

Q. What is big, red and flies in the sky?
A. Santa Claus.

Q. Why did the candy cane cross the road?
A. Because it wanted to get a licking!

Q. What do you get when you deep fry Santa Claus?
A. Crisp Kringle.

Q. What do snowmen do on Christmas?
A. Play with the snow angels.

Q. Why were the kids afraid of Christmas?
A. Because of Santa Claws!

Q. Where does a snowman keep his money?
A. In a snow bank.

Q. What does Santa clean his sleigh with?
A. Comet.

Q. What do you get if you cross Santa and a dog?
A. Santa Paws!

Q. Why was Santa's helper depressed?
A. He had low ELF-esteem.

Q. Why is Santa so good at karate?
A. Because he has a black belt!

Q. What did the monkey sing on Christmas day?
A. Jungle bells, Jungle bells...

Q. What Christmas carol is a favourite of parents?
A. Silent Night.

Q. What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked in the sky?
A. "Looks like rain, dear."

Q. Why are there only snowmen and not snowwomen?
A. Because only men would stand out in the snow without a coat.

Q. What do you get when you eat Christmas decorations?
A. Tinsilitis!

Q. What is invisible and smells like milk and cookies?
A. Santa's burps!

Q. What do call Santa when he stops moving?
A. Santa Pause!

Q. What comes before Christmas Eve?
A. Christmas Adam!

Q. What does Santa say in a race?
A. "Ready, set, HO!"

Q. What do they sing under the ocean during the winter?
A. Christmas Corals!

Q. What's white and goes up?
A. A confused snowflake!

Q. What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A. A puddle!

Q. Where do snowmen go to dance?
A. The snowball.

Q. What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
A. The Christmas alphabet has NOEL!

Knock knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Sandy
Sandy who?
Sandy Claus!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gladis
Gladis who?
Gladis not me who got coal this Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow use. I forgot my name again!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Irish
Irish who?
Irish you a Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary
Mary who?
Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Santa
Santa who?
Santa Clause!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ho, Ho, Ho
Ho, Ho, Ho who?
Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas to you!

Jokes

Father Christmas' sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, "Can you give me a hand?"
"Sorry," the motorist replied. "I'm not a mechanic, I'm a chiropodist."
"Well, can you give me a toe?"
 

They say in the first part in the song Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer there are only 8 reindeer but there are really 12. First there is Rudolf, of course. Then there is Olive, Olive the other reindeer. Then there is Howe, and Howe the reindeer loved him. Then there is Andy, Andy shouted out with glee. There are 12 reindeer in all.
 

Santa Claus: What's that terrible racket outside?
Mrs. Claus: It's rain deer.
 

The TV game show was really close. One contestant was asked to name 2 of Santa's reindeer. The contestant gave a sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question, "Rudolph and Olive!"
The host asked the contestant, "We'll accept Rudolph but can you explain Olive?"
The man looked at the host and said, "You know, 'Olive,' the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."
 

Husband: Why don't you buy Christmas seals?
Wife: I really don't know how I'd feed them!
 

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offence," said the judge.
"It is if you do it before the shops are open," countered the prosecutor.
 

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