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Squigly's Christmas Jokes, Riddles and Knock Knock Jokes

Why was Santa late for Christmas? He couldn't stop reading Squigy's Christmas jokes! Here's our collection of the best Chrismtas riddles, knock knock jokes and jokes ever! If you'd like to see more just refresh the page. We know these jokes will make you LOL! :D

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Elephant Jokes

   


Riddles

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Q. How do you scare a snowman?
A. You get a hairdryer!

Q. What do you call a Christmas duck?
A. A Christmas quacker!

Q. What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament?
A. "Aren't you tired of hanging around?"

Q. What do cows say at Christmas?
A. MOOey Christmas!

Q. What flies when it's born, lies when it's alive, and runs when it's dead?
A. Snow.

Q. What kind of bug hates Christmas?
A. A humbug.

Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A. Frosted Flakes.

Q. What's white and goes up?
A. A confused snowflake!

Q. What is the cleanest reindeer called?
A. Comet.

Q. What do you get if you cross Santa Claus with a duck?
A. A Christmas Quacker!

Q. What goes in a chimney red and comes out of it black?
A. Santa Claus.

Q. Which of Santa's reindeer has bad manners?
A. Rude-olph!

Q. What does Santa say in a race?
A. "Ready, set, HO!"

Q. What does Santa clean his sleigh with?
A. Comet.

Q. Where do snowmen keep their money?
A. In a snowbank.

Q. What do call Santa when he stops moving?
A. Santa Pause!

Q. Where does a snowman keep his money?
A. In a snow bank.

Q. What do you call Santa when he goes down a chimney with a fire at the bottom?
A. Krisp Cringle.

Q. Why were the kids afraid of Christmas?
A. Because of Santa Claws!

Q. What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet!

Q. What's a good holiday tip?
A. Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.

Q. What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked in the sky?
A. "Looks like rain, dear."

Q. What do you get if you cross Santa and a dog?
A. Santa Paws!

Q. Why is Santa so good at karate?
A. Because he has a black belt!

Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. What do you get when you deep fry Santa Claus?
A. Crisp Kringle.

Q. Why are Christmas trees such bad knitters?
A. They are always dropping their needles.

Q. What does a cat in the dessert have in common with Christmas?
A. Sandy claws.

Q. Did you hear about the cracker's Christmas party?
A. It was a BANG!

Q. What's black and white and red all over?
A. Santa covered with chimney soot.

Q. What did the monkey sing on Christmas day?
A. Jungle bells, Jungle bells...

Q. What do you get if you cross an apple and a Christmas tree?
A. Pineapple.

Q. What's Santa's favourite candy?
A. Jolly Ranchers!

Q. What comes before Christmas Eve?
A. Christmas Adam!

Q. Why was Santa's helper depressed?
A. He had low ELF-esteem.

Q. Why did the candy cane cross the road?
A. Because it wanted to get a licking!

Q. What's the best thing to give your parents for Christmas?
A. A list of everything you want!

Q. What do you get if you cross mistletoe and a duck?
A. A Christmas Quacker.

Q. Why did Sponge Bob have a great Christmas?
A. Because he kissed Krabby Patty.

Q. What's white and red and goes up and down and up and down?
A. Santa Claus in an elevator!

Q. What is green, white, and red all over?
A. A sunburnt elf.

Q. What is a reindeer's favorite instrument?
A. Horns!

Q. Why are there only snowmen and not snowwomen?
A. Because only men would stand out in the snow without a coat.

Q. What did the ghost say to Santa Claus?
A. "I'll have a boo Christmas without you."

Q. What is invisible and smells like milk and cookies?
A. Santa's burps!

Q. What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A. A puddle!

Q. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
A. Nothing, it was on the house!

Q. What's red and white, red and white, red and white?
A. Santa Claus rolling down the hill.

Q. How did the sheep say Merry Christmas?
A. "Fleece Avoided."

Q. What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
A. An ice burger with chili sauce.

Knock knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Irish
Irish who?
Irish you a Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary and Abbey
Mary and Abbey who?
Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow use. I forgot my name again!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary
Mary who?
Mary Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Sandy
Sandy who?
Sandy Claus!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Santa
Santa who?
Santa Clause!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gladis
Gladis who?
Gladis not me who got coal this Christmas!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ho, Ho, Ho
Ho, Ho, Ho who?
Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas to you!

Jokes

Father Christmas' sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, "Can you give me a hand?"
"Sorry," the motorist replied. "I'm not a mechanic, I'm a chiropodist."
"Well, can you give me a toe?"
 

They say in the first part in the song Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer there are only 8 reindeer but there are really 12. First there is Rudolf, of course. Then there is Olive, Olive the other reindeer. Then there is Howe, and Howe the reindeer loved him. Then there is Andy, Andy shouted out with glee. There are 12 reindeer in all.
 

Santa Claus: What's that terrible racket outside?
Mrs. Claus: It's rain deer.
 

The TV game show was really close. One contestant was asked to name 2 of Santa's reindeer. The contestant gave a sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question, "Rudolph and Olive!"
The host asked the contestant, "We'll accept Rudolph but can you explain Olive?"
The man looked at the host and said, "You know, 'Olive,' the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."
 

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offence," said the judge.
"It is if you do it before the shops are open," countered the prosecutor.
 

... more Christmas fun.

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