Squigly Jokes and Riddles

Jokes: Animal

Funny animal jokes for Kids

Animal Jokes

Here's our collection of funny jokes, riddles and knock knock jokes about animals. All these jokes have been submitted by kids visiting our playhouse. We know these animal jokes will make you LOL! :D





Riddles

Q. What do you get when you cross a monkey and a pansy?
A. A chimpansy.

Q. What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A. What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?

Q. There are 10 cats in a boat. One cat jumped out of the boat. How many cats were left?
A. None, they were all copycats.

Q. Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A. Yes, because the Empire State Building can't jump!

Q. What did one lion say to another when they saw some hunters in a jeep?
A. "Look, meals on wheels!"

Q. Why did the cow eat the tight rope walker?
A. Because he wanted a balanced meal!

Q. What is a pampered cow?
A. Spoiled milk.

Q. What did the pig put on his rash?
A. OINKment!

Q. Why is a snake lucky?
A. Because you can't pull its leg!

Q. What do you call a sleeping bull?
A. A BULL-dozer.

Q. Where do beavers and hamsters live together?
A. Hamsterdam.

Q. What does a toad say when it sees something great?
A. "TOADaly Awesome!"

Q. Why couldn't the elephant move?
A. Because he couldn't lift his trunk!

Q. You are trapped in a room and there are 3 doors. Each door has something behind it. The first door has two hungry lions that have not eaten in four years. The second door has electric lasers all across the room. The third has three ninjas ready to attack. Which door would you pick to go through?
A. The first because the lions would be dead if they have not eaten for 4 years!

Q. Why is an elephant big, grey and wrinkly?
A. Because if it was small, white and smooth it would be an aspirin!

Q. What do you call an Italian cow that likes coffee?
A. De-calf.

Q. What did the snail say when he was riding on the back of a turtle?
A. "Weeeee!"

Q. What goes BOUNCE! OUCH! BOUNCE! OUCH! BOUNCE! OUCH?
A. A kangaroo in a room with a low ceiling!

Q. What is black, white and red?
A. A panda with a rash!

Q. What is black and white and red all over?
A. A penguin doing 100 push ups.

Q. Why can't a leopard hide?
A. Because he's always spotted!

Q. What did the frog order at the burger place?
A. French flies and a diet croak.

Q. How can you tell the difference between a grape and an elephant?
A. Grapes are purple.

Q. What do you call a pig that gets fired from his job?
A. Canned ham!

Q. Why does a Koala carry its baby on its back?
A. Because they can't push a pram up a tree!

Q. Where do horses go when they are sick?
A. HORSEpital.

Q. What do polar bears like to snack on?
A. Eskimo thighs.

Q. What do beavers like on their salad?
A. Branch dressing.

Q. What does a chicken have in common with a band?
A. Drumsticks.

Q. Why didn't the squirrel cross the telephone wire?
A. Because the line was busy.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cobra
Cobra who?
Go brush your teeth!!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dasum
Dasum who?
Dasum cute dog!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Kanga
Kanga who?
No, Kangaroo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Owls
Owls who?
That's correct, owls who!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Twit
Twit who?
Did anyone else hear an owl?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Lionel
Lionel who?
Lionel bite you if you don't watch out!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gorilla
Gorilla who?
Gorilla me a hamburger!

Jokes

A guy and his elephant are driving and get pulled over. The policeman says, "You need to take the elephant to the zoo." So the guy took his elephant to the zoo.

The next day, the same policeman pulls over the same guy and elephant. The policeman says, "I told you to take the elephant to the zoo."
The guy says, "I did yesterday, today we are going to a baseball game."
 

Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell Crocodile?
Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L.
Teacher: No, that's wrong.
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
 

There were 2 cats looking into a green canary's cage. The first cat said to the second cat, "That's not a canary, it's green!"
The second cat said, "I don't know, maybe it's not ripe yet!"
 

The pillow asks the teddy bear, "Do you want an ice cream sundae?" The bear says, "No thanks, I'm stuffed!"
 

Snake 1: I hope I'm not poisonous.
Snake 2: Why?
Snake 1: Because I just bit my tongue.
 

Peter: Mother, why is a snail stronger than an elephant?
Mother: I don't know.
Peter: Because a snail can carry its own home, but an elephant can only carry its own trunk.
 

There was a man and he was walking a lion on the side of the street when a policeman came and said, "Sir please don't walk your lion on the side of the street because its very dangerous. Why don't you take him to the zoo?!"
The man agreed with him and took his lion to the zoo.

The next day the policeman saw the man walking his lion again and told him the same thing but the man said, "I already took him to the zoo and he liked it a lot, now I'm going to take him to the movies."
 

A mother snake bought a gift for her son's birthday. The son was so thrilled he hissed, "Mommy! Help me open it. I'm crawling out of my skin with excitement!"
 

A guy named Billie Bob Joe goes to a costume dress party with a girl on his back.

Harold, answering the door: What are you supposed to be?
Billie Bob Joe: A turtle.
Harold: What do you mean?
Billie Bob Joe: The girl on my back is Michelle.
 

Three pigs walked into a restaurant and the waiter asked them what they would like to drink. The first pig wanted Coke, the second Sprite and the third wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter came back to ask for the main course and the first pig wanted salad, the second wanted chicken and the third pig wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter came back and asked for their dessert choices. The first pig wanted cake, the second wanted cupcakes and the third pig wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter was curious and asked the third pig, "Why do you want so much water?"
The third little pig smiled and said, "I'm the little pig that goes, wee, wee, wee all the way home"
 

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