Squigly Jokes and Riddles

Jokes: Animal

Funny animal jokes for Kids

Animal Jokes

Here's our collection of funny jokes, riddles and knock knock jokes about animals. All these jokes have been submitted by kids visiting our playhouse. We know these animal jokes will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What kind of vehicle does a lamb drive?
A. A LAMBorghini!

Q. What did the crocodile say to the waiter in the cafe?
A. I want bacon, eggs, and toast and make it SNAPPY!

Q. How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
A. Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?!

Q. How do you make a swordfish like the library?
A. Take away the S in its name!

Q. What's new at the zoo?
A. A gnu!

Q. If a very small fish married a young dog, what would their baby be called?
A. A guppy puppy.

Q. Why do gorillas have broad fingers?
A. Because they have large nostrils.

Q. Why didn't the bunny hop?
A. No bunny knows.

Q. What animal sleeps with its shoes on?
A. A horse.

Q. There were two elephants under one umbrella, why didn't they get wet?
A. It wasn't raining.

Q. Why don't they play cards in Africa?
A. There are too many Cheetahs!

Q. What does an alligator drink when it is sick?
A. Gatorade!

Q. You are trapped in a room and there are 3 doors. Each door has something behind it. The first door has two hungry lions that have not eaten in four years. The second door has electric lasers all across the room. The third has three ninjas ready to attack. Which door would you pick to go through?
A. The first because the lions would be dead if they have not eaten for 4 years!

Q. What did the snail say when he was riding on the back of a turtle?
A. "Weeeee!"

Q. What do polar bears like to snack on?
A. Eskimo thighs.

Q. How do you stop a dog from barking in the back seat of your car?
A. Have him sit in front with you.

Q. What do you get when you cross a clam and a rabbit?
A. The oyster bunny!

Q. What kind of musical instrument do rats play?
A. Mouse organs.

Q. What dog loves to take a shower?
A. A shamPOODLE.

Q. What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
A. Time to get a new fence.

Q. Where do famous dragons go after they retire?
A. The hall of flame!

Q. Sam, Lula, Mike, and Kayla all live in a house. Mike and Kayla went out to the movies and when they got back Lula was on the floor dead in a pile of broken glass and water. Sam was on the couch sleeping and didn't know what happened. How did Lula die?
A. Sam is a dog and Lula is a fish. Sam pushed over the fish bowl.

Q. Why are duck doctors so expensive?
A. Because of their bills.

Q. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A. A gummy bear.

Q. What does a cow do at the theatres?
A. Watch a MOO-vie.

Q. How do you stop a rhino from charging?
A. Take away its credit card.

Q. What do you call a pig that gets fired from his job?
A. Canned ham!

Q. What animal has more lives than a cat?
A. A frog because it croaks every night!

Q. What time is it when an elephant sits in a chair?
A. Time to buy a new chair!

Q. What money do dogs and cats have?
A. Kitty cash and doggy dollars.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Three pigs
Three pigs who?
Three pigs who can't reach the doorbell.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dinosaur
Dinosaur who?
Dinosaurs don't go who, they go ROAR!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Twit
Twit who?
Did anyone else hear an owl?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Lionel
Lionel who?
Lionel bite you if you don't watch out!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Monkey
Monkey who?
Monkey see. Monkey do.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dasum
Dasum who?
Dasum cute dog!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gorilla
Gorilla who?
Gorilla me a hamburger!

Jokes

A mother snake bought a gift for her son's birthday. The son was so thrilled he hissed, "Mommy! Help me open it. I'm crawling out of my skin with excitement!"
 

A newspaper reporter submitted a story about the theft of 2,025 pigs.
His editor, struck at the size of the theft, called the farmer to confirm.
"Is it true that you lost two thousand twenty-five pigs?" he asked.
"Yeth," said the farmer.
The editor thanked him, hung up, and changed the phrase to "two sows and 25 pigs."
 

A horse walked into the bar and the bartender said, "Why the long face?"
 

One day a lady entered a pet shop.
Lady: May I have a rabbit for my daughter?
Storekeeper: Sorry Ma'am, we don't do trades.
 

A guy and his elephant are driving and get pulled over. The policeman says, "You need to take the elephant to the zoo." So the guy took his elephant to the zoo.

The next day, the same policeman pulls over the same guy and elephant. The policeman says, "I told you to take the elephant to the zoo."
The guy says, "I did yesterday, today we are going to a baseball game."
 

Lisa: I lost my pet dinosaur.
Danny: Why don't you put an ad in the newspaper?
Lisa: What good would that do, she can't read!
 

If pigs could fly, imagine what their wings would taste like!
 

The pillow asks the teddy bear, "Do you want an ice cream sundae?" The bear says, "No thanks, I'm stuffed!"
 

A guy named Billie Bob Joe goes to a costume dress party with a girl on his back.

Harold, answering the door: What are you supposed to be?
Billie Bob Joe: A turtle.
Harold: What do you mean?
Billie Bob Joe: The girl on my back is Michelle.
 

A cat died in a house. The servant started crying badly.
Master: It is only a cat that has died, why are you crying so much?
Servant: Master, when the cat was there I used to drink the milk and put the blame on it. Now on whom will I put the blame?
 

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