Squigly Jokes and Riddles

Jokes: Animal

Funny animal jokes for Kids

Animal Jokes

Here's our collection of funny jokes, riddles and knock knock jokes about animals. All these jokes have been submitted by kids visiting our playhouse. We know these animal jokes will make you LOL! :D

Riddles

Q. What is the same size as a elephant, yet weighs nothing?
A. An elephant's shadow!

Q. What kind of explosions do dinosaurs like?
A. DINOmite!

Q. What do you call an angry polar bear?
A. Nothing, just run.

Q. What do you need if you see a kangaroo 20 miles away?
A. I don't know, but you sure don't need glasses.

Q. Why was the elephant afraid of the computer store?
A. Because they sold the world's best mice.

Q. What did the pig put on his rash?
A. OINKment!

Q. What dog loves to take a shower?
A. A shamPOODLE.

Q. Why don't they play cards in Africa?
A. There are too many Cheetahs!

Q. What's new at the zoo?
A. A gnu!

Q. Why did the gum cross the road?
A. It was stuck to the chicken's foot.

Q. What animal is NOT allowed to play in games or contests?
A. Cheetahs (cheaters)

Q. Where do ducks go when they are sick?
A. The DUCKtor!

Q. What do you call a dark colored horse that really scares you?
A. A nightMARE!

Q. What is big, grey and has a lot of red bumps?
A. An elephant that was stung by a lot of bees!

Q. There are 20 birds in a tree. A man comes and shoots one of the birds. How many birds are left?
A. None, because all the birds flew away after hearing the gun shot.

Q. Why did the hot dog wear a sweater?
A. Because it was a chili dog!

Q. What did the judge say when the skunk entered the court?
A. "Odor in the court!"

Q. What is a snake's favourite subject?
A. HISStory!

Q. There are 2 cats, one is French and the other English. The French cat's name was Un Deux Trois and the English cat's name was One Two Three. Both cats think they're better than the other. To determine this they have a swimming contest. Which cat wins and why?
A. The English cat, because Un Deux Trois Quatre Cinq! (Un Deux Trois cat sank)

Q. What do you say to Simba when he's moving too slow?
A. Mufasa!

Q. There were two elephants under one umbrella, why didn't they get wet?
A. It wasn't raining.

Q. How do you make a milkshake?
A. Sneak up behind a cow and say boo!

Q. What is the cat's favorite button on the remote?
A. Paws.

Q. What has 6 legs, 4 eyes, 4 ears, 2 noses, 2 mouths and 2 heads?
A. A man sitting on a horse.

Q. Why do cats always go after mice and birds?
A. Because cats like fast food.

Q. What is a cow's favourite movie?
A. Moo-lan.

Q. How do you make a cow float?
A. Root beer, ice cream, a cherry, and a cow.

Q. What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?
A. A submarine with a built-in snorkel.

Q. What do you get if you cross a cow and a camel?
A. A lumpy milkshake!

Q. What do you call a polar bear in the desert?
A. Lost.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cobra
Cobra who?
Go brush your teeth!!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Owls
Owls who?
That's correct, owls who!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Twit
Twit who?
Did anyone else hear an owl?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
A parrot
A parrot who?
A parrot who?
Okay, now I get it!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cows go
Cows go who?
No, cows go moo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dinosaur
Dinosaur who?
Dinosaurs don't go who, they go ROAR!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Kanga
Kanga who?
No, Kangaroo!

Jokes

A little boy was in a wedding. Every time he walked 2 steps down the aisle, he would roar. When he finally got to the end of the aisle the people asked what he was doing. The little boy said that he was just being the Ring Bear.
 

There was a man who bought a camel. The previous owner told him that to make it walk, say "few," to make it run, say "many" and to make it stop say "amen". So one day the man decided to have a practise ride. He said "few" and the camel started walking, he said "many" and it started running, right towards the edge of a cliff. But the man forgot how to make it stop, so, panicking, he shouted out "Lord save me, Lord save me, Amen" and of course the camel stopped - at the VERY edge. Relieved the man said to himself, "Phew, that was clo-aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
 

There were three pigs and they walked into a restaurant. The waiter said, "What do you want to eat?" The first pig ordered fish and chips the second ordered pizza and the third ordered water.

The waiter came again and said, "What do you want for dessert?" The first pig wanted custard, the second some cake and the third wanted water again. The waiter said, "Why do you always have water?"
The pig replied, "Because one of us has to go wee, wee, wee all the way home!"
 

Teacher: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Clyde: No, sir. It's the same dog.
 

Peter: Mother, why is a snail stronger than an elephant?
Mother: I don't know.
Peter: Because a snail can carry its own home, but an elephant can only carry its own trunk.
 

A guy named Billie Bob Joe goes to a costume dress party with a girl on his back.

Harold, answering the door: What are you supposed to be?
Billie Bob Joe: A turtle.
Harold: What do you mean?
Billie Bob Joe: The girl on my back is Michelle.
 

A horse walked into the bar and the bartender said, "Why the long face?"
 

LaKesheauna: My dentist put his finger in a lion's mouth to see how many teeth it had.
Latangela: What did the lion do?
LaKesheauna: It closed its mouth to see how many fingers my dentist had.
 

Mary had a little lamb,
But the lamb started to tease her.
Mary said, "STOP!"
But the lamb refused
So now it's in the freezer.
 

If pigs could fly, imagine what their wings would taste like!
 

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