Squigly Jokes and Riddles

Jokes: Animal

Funny animal jokes for Kids

Animal Jokes

Here's our collection of funny jokes, riddles and knock knock jokes about animals. All these jokes have been submitted by kids visiting our playhouse. We know these animal jokes will make you LOL! :D





Riddles

Q. How do you get 6 donkeys into a fire engine?
A. Two in the front, two in the back and two on the top going, "He-haw, he-haw!"

Q. Why is getting up in the morning like a pig's tail?
A. It's twirly. (Too early)

Q. What is the best way to catch a squirrel?
A. Act like a nut.

Q. What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A. I don't know, a Hershey BAAH?!

Q. How do you make a milkshake?
A. Sneak up behind a cow and say boo!

Q. What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A. What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?

Q. What keys can make you laugh?
A. Monkeys!

Q. What did the cat say when he fell off the table?
A. "Me ow!"

Q. What did the spider do when he went on his computer?
A. He went on his web site!

Q. How did the dog get splinters in his tongue?
A. He ate table scraps.

Q. Why does a Koala carry its baby on its back?
A. Because they can't push a pram up a tree!

Q. How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?
A. You open the door and put the elephant in and then close the door.

Q. How do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator?
A. You open the door and take out the elephant and put the giraffe in, then close the door.

Q. The animals were having a meeting in the jungle. Who didn't come?
A. The giraffe, it was in the refrigerator.

Q. A man was hiking in the jungle. He came to a river. In the river lived alligators. How did the man cross the river?
A. He swam across, the alligators were at the meeting.

Q. Why do gorillas have broad fingers?
A. Because they have large nostrils.

Q. What sort of appliance does a monkey use?
A. A gorilla. (A griller)

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. Because she was getting tired of just standing there!

Q. What road does a bat take?
A. The high road!

Q. What do you call elephants that swim?
A. Swimming trunks!

Q. What bird is always sad?
A. A blue-bird.

Q. What is green and hangs off trees?
A. Giraffe snot.

Q. There are 2 cats, one is French and the other English. The French cat's name was Un Deux Trois and the English cat's name was One Two Three. Both cats think they're better than the other. To determine this they have a swimming contest. Which cat wins and why?
A. The English cat, because Un Deux Trois Quatre Cinq! (Un Deux Trois cat sank)

Q. What do you say to Simba when he's moving too slow?
A. Mufasa!

Q. What do you call a crab that will not share?
A. A selfish. (Shellfish)

Q. How do you get fat free milk?
A. From a skinny cow!

Q. If a very small fish married a young dog, what would their baby be called?
A. A guppy puppy.

Q. What do cows say at Christmas?
A. MOOey Christmas!

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To get to the other side.

Q. Where do horses go when they are sick?
A. HORSEpital.

Q. What's big, grey and has red spots?
A. An elephant with chicken pox!

Q. What is a cow's favourite movie?
A. Moo-lan.

Q. What do a tree and an elephant have in common?
A. A trunk.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Some bunny
Some bunny who?
Some bunny has been eating my carrots!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Lionel
Lionel who?
Lionel bite you if you don't watch out!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Owls
Owls who?
That's correct, owls who!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Amos
Amos who?
Amos quito just bit me, boo hoo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dinosaur
Dinosaur who?
Dinosaurs don't go who, they go ROAR!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
A parrot
A parrot who?
A parrot who?
Okay, now I get it!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gorilla
Gorilla who?
Gorilla me a hamburger!

Jokes

Three pigs walked into a restaurant and the waiter asked them what they would like to drink. The first pig wanted Coke, the second Sprite and the third wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter came back to ask for the main course and the first pig wanted salad, the second wanted chicken and the third pig wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter came back and asked for their dessert choices. The first pig wanted cake, the second wanted cupcakes and the third pig wanted water, lots and lots of water.

The waiter was curious and asked the third pig, "Why do you want so much water?"
The third little pig smiled and said, "I'm the little pig that goes, wee, wee, wee all the way home"
 

A newspaper reporter submitted a story about the theft of 2,025 pigs.
His editor, struck at the size of the theft, called the farmer to confirm.
"Is it true that you lost two thousand twenty-five pigs?" he asked.
"Yeth," said the farmer.
The editor thanked him, hung up, and changed the phrase to "two sows and 25 pigs."
 

Mary had a little lamb,
But the lamb started to tease her.
Mary said, "STOP!"
But the lamb refused
So now it's in the freezer.
 

A man decided to start a chicken farm and brought 24 to get started. A week later he bought another 24 and another 24 the week after that. When his friend asked how his chicken farm was coming along the man replied, "Not one of them has grown yet. I wonder if I'm planting them too deep?"
 

A horse walked into the bar and the bartender said, "Why the long face?"
 

When my brother told me to stop impersonating a flamingo I had to put my foot down.
 

A man walked into a pub and bought a sandwich, then a panda walked into the pub and stole the sandwich, ate it, shoots the barman and leaves. So the man goes out and says to the panda, "Why did you eat my sandwich, shoot the barman and then just leave?"
The panda says, "Look panda up in the dictionary."
So he looked Panda up and read: Eats shoots and leaves.
 

There was a man and he was walking a lion on the side of the street when a policeman came and said, "Sir please don't walk your lion on the side of the street because its very dangerous. Why don't you take him to the zoo?!"
The man agreed with him and took his lion to the zoo.

The next day the policeman saw the man walking his lion again and told him the same thing but the man said, "I already took him to the zoo and he liked it a lot, now I'm going to take him to the movies."
 

Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said, "Oh, come on, let's eat the sandwiches."
Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!"
 

Peter: Mother, why is a snail stronger than an elephant?
Mother: I don't know.
Peter: Because a snail can carry its own home, but an elephant can only carry its own trunk.
 

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